IT'S A LIVING Season 1 Episode 12 Kids
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00:00Life's not the French Riviera, believe me, Life's not a charity ball,
00:10It isn't all a great big bed of roses, It's not like showbiz,
00:18But the main thing I'm proud to be, I'm not the people I'm trying to make,
00:24Believe me, we know we're doing okay,
00:29We may be less than we'll be, But we're not dead, we're young and healthy,
00:37And anyone who's young and healthy knows that that's a way.
00:45The traffic flows, It's unbelievable.
01:15I'm sure you don't owe me twenty dollars.
01:20It can't be me. I never lie and I never forget a debt.
01:23You're a hell of a woman.
01:25Doc, you owe me twenty dollars?
01:27You owe me ten.
01:29Oh, I'll get back to you.
01:31Hi, everybody.
01:32Hi.
01:33Hi. Jan, you owe me twenty dollars.
01:34Well, hello to you too, Lois.
01:36Oh, I'm sorry. It's just that somebody around here owes me twenty dollars.
01:39It's me.
01:40Oh, good. Can I have it back?
01:41Well, uh, I'm a little short today.
01:43Don't say it.
01:47Look, I'm running a little bit late, so would you mind setting up for me while I get changed?
01:50Sure.
01:51I had to go to the airport and pick up my friend Annie, and I got a little hung up.
01:53Annie? Oh, your old friend from high school?
01:55Yeah. I haven't seen her in years, and she's finally come to L.A.,
01:57so we're gonna go out tomorrow night and, uh, do some damage.
02:02Jan, what is this? Are you late?
02:04Why is someone always late?
02:06Do girls do this on purpose to drive me crazy?
02:09That's a good idea.
02:11Jan, go get changed. Oh, and, uh, put on some makeup.
02:14I'm wearing makeup.
02:16Oh, that's too bad.
02:26And down and down I go, round and round I go, in a spin.
02:31Hey, I love that spin I'm in.
02:33Love it, I love that old black magic call.
02:37War!
02:47Well, there goes my reunion.
02:49Looks like TV, pizza, and old Leslie Gore records for me and Annie.
02:52Why?
02:53My mother's got the flu. She can't watch Ellen for me tomorrow night.
02:56That's not too late. Get a babysitter.
02:57Nah, never use them.
02:59They're either too young to care or too old to stay awake.
03:01Besides, I just don't feel right leaving Ellen with a stranger.
03:04Oh, that's because she's your first. I was the same way.
03:06Once she gets older, you'll find you won't be so overprotective.
03:09I'm not overprotective. I just don't trust anyone with my kid.
03:12I see.
03:14Whenever my folks left me with a babysitter, I thought they were giving me away.
03:21Listen, Jan. Jan.
03:23Why don't you let Ellen stay at my house tomorrow night?
03:25Amy's going to be spending the night with a friend. She can stay in her room.
03:28She and Joey are the same age. She'd love to have the company.
03:30Oh, Lois, it's your night off. What if your husband wants to do something special?
03:33We'll wait till the kids go to bed.
03:38Jan, do you want to pick up this fish or do you want it to swim over to you?
03:42I'm sorry, Mario.
03:43You know, my wife and I always had trouble getting babysitters when our kids were growing up.
03:47Were you nervous, too?
03:48Not me. The babysitters.
03:50Our kids were so wild, I used to have to watch them from outside the house.
04:04Hey, good looking. What you got cooking?
04:07You know, I was just going to ask you the same question.
04:10You were?
04:11Yeah. I've had my eye on you all night. What's shaking?
04:16Could you excuse me for just one second?
04:24What's wrong with you?
04:25For two years, I've been asking pretty ladies, what's shaking?
04:28Finally, one asked me and I couldn't tell her.
04:31Well, you better get back to her before her drugs wear off.
04:37Sorry, I was just a little dry.
04:39I'm glad you're back. I thought I'd lost you there for a second.
04:41May I ask you a personal question?
04:43Sure.
04:44Are you a transvestite?
04:47And he has a sense of humor, too. Hi, I'm Betty Moore.
04:50Sonny Mann, singer, composer, musical arrangements for all occasions.
04:53So, Sonny Mann, singer, composer, musical arrangements for all occasions.
04:57What time you get out?
04:59Hey, with all my encores, who can say?
05:02Well, I'll just stick around, have a drink after dinner.
05:05Besides, I'd love to listen to you play.
05:07Got any requests?
05:09A million, but I'll wait until after you get home from work.
05:15Nancy, can I go home early?
05:16How early?
05:17What time is it now?
05:18Sonny, is this an emergency?
05:20No, it's just an incredible stroke of luck.
05:23Lois, I feel so secure knowing you're going to be watching.
05:26Ellen, I mean, if I trust anyone with my kid, it'd be you.
05:29Do you have enough blankets?
05:30Blankets, sheets, towels, it's a regular home.
05:33Lois, do you know Cinderella?
05:36Not personally.
05:37What I mean is, my mother always tells Ellen the story of Cinderella before she goes to bed.
05:41So, if you could tell her the story before she goes to bed, it might put her more at ease.
05:45Okay, I'll try.
05:46Thanks.
05:47Lois, can you do this voice?
05:51Why?
05:52Because this is the wicked stepmother's voice.
05:54You see, my mother and I always do Cinderella in voices.
05:57But you've got to be careful not to make the voice too wicked, otherwise Ellen might have nightmares.
06:00Jan, I don't do voices.
06:03Lois, you said you'd try to make her feel comfortable. Just try.
06:06All right, I'll try.
06:08How's this?
06:10Pretty good.
06:11But not as good as this.
06:13Now, try.
06:14Cinderella, Cinderella, mop the floor and clean the cellar.
06:16Cinderella, Cinderella, mop the floor and clean the cellar.
06:20You know, I could be working them too hard.
06:23Then again, I don't care.
06:30Hi, everybody.
06:31Hi.
06:32Hi.
06:33Hi, Sonny.
06:34Do you mind if I change?
06:35Why not? I have.
06:37From now on, Sonny's a one-woman man.
06:41What's with him?
06:42He's in love.
06:43And this time, not with himself.
06:46Hi.
06:47Hi.
06:48Hi, how'd the girls night out go?
06:49Terrific.
06:50I feel awful.
06:51You know, I've always been sorry Annie didn't live in L.A.
06:53Now I'm glad.
06:54We'd have so much fun, we'd die.
06:56Well, I'm glad you had a good time.
06:57Oh, did Ellen behave herself?
06:59Oh, she was terrific.
07:00No problem at all.
07:01Good.
07:02She said you let her stay awake to watch Creature Features.
07:05Yeah.
07:06I was afraid to watch it alone.
07:08It's kind of late for a school night, isn't it?
07:10Well, I didn't know you wanted her in bed at any special time.
07:12Oh, no, no.
07:13I'm sure she'll be fine.
07:15So, uh, I'm sure you knew what you were doing.
07:17I just usually don't let her stay up that late.
07:20Oh.
07:21Oh, by the way, she forgot her overnight bag.
07:24She'd forget her head if it wasn't attached.
07:27Lois?
07:28Yeah?
07:29What's this?
07:30Modern sex.
07:31You found this in Ellen's bag?
07:33Yeah.
07:34What would my daughter be doing with something like this?
07:36Like what?
07:37This.
07:39I'm sorry.
07:40I'm sorry.
07:42What's up?
07:43Jan found smut in her daughter's bag.
07:47What kind of smut?
07:48This.
07:50Bob and Cindy are balloonists, and they hail from California.
07:53Boy, don't they get cold going up in a balloon like that?
07:56Dot?
07:57She's nothing.
07:58He's all right.
07:59But, you know, that's a great-looking hot air balloon.
08:02Uh-huh.
08:03Would you forget the balloon?
08:04Look at the balloonists!
08:06Now, what would my daughter be doing with a magazine like this?
08:09Maybe she's curious about sex.
08:11She's 10.
08:12The only question I had about sex when I was 10 was whether I was a boy or a girl.
08:17Well, kids are exposed to more these days.
08:19These magazines are right there on the rack at the supermarket next to the sugarless gum.
08:23Well, I don't like it.
08:24Neither do I.
08:25You have to handle it the best you can.
08:27How did your mother tell you about sex?
08:29She didn't.
08:30She wouldn't even say the word.
08:31She'd spell it and leave out the X.
08:34Well, how'd you learn?
08:36I didn't.
08:37Well, I picked it up in bits and pieces from my friends in high school.
08:40I got so much bad information that for years I thought you couldn't get pregnant without a Chevy.
08:45Oh, well, see, my mom was a nurse.
08:47So when the time came, she sat me down and explained everything to me very clinically.
08:51And when she got finished, I thought she was joking.
08:55Well, Bill and I try to answer the kids' questions as they come up.
08:58I think we've answered most of them.
09:00Unless there's some new ones we don't know about.
09:03I never really had any questions.
09:05I just kind of had a knack for it.
09:08But there were still several guys who wanted to explain it to me anyhow.
09:12Well, I don't want Ellen to learn like that.
09:14Then you have to talk to her.
09:16I don't even know where to start.
09:18My mom didn't know where to start either.
09:20So she let Bess teach me about having babies.
09:22Who was Bess? Your nanny?
09:24No, she was her cow.
09:27I'm not sure I want to hear the rest of this.
09:30See, we put Bess in the pen with our bull, Big Moo.
09:33Then after a while, Bess had Little Moo, and that's how I found out.
09:36We know where Little Moos come from.
09:39Well, I didn't.
09:41What I want to know is where this magazine came from.
09:43Where'd you find it?
09:44I found it in Ellen's overnight bag. She spent the night with Joey.
09:48Lois.
09:49Wait a minute.
09:51I think I have to go to the bathroom.
09:54I think that we better call Joey about this.
09:56What just makes you think that Ellen got this from Joey?
09:58Because boys have these. Girls don't have these.
10:00This is the kind of thing you find in your father's sock drawer.
10:03All right, Jen, listen.
10:04Even if Joey did give it to Ellen, we have to handle this right.
10:07Otherwise, we could mess up the kids' attitude about sex.
10:10And this won't?
10:11The point is, if we make a big scene, we're only going to make it worse.
10:14This isn't something you handle over the telephone.
10:17Now, let me talk to Joey in the morning, and then I'll get back to you and tell you what happened.
10:20Should we wait that long?
10:22I don't think Joey will strike again before dawn.
10:25Okay, I'll wait. But just till tomorrow. I'm upset.
10:28Well, I'm upset, too. And you're making me even more upset.
10:33Look at this filth.
10:34Sure.
10:36Cassie.
10:37Why, you asked me.
10:46Then your fingers touched my silent heart and taught it how to sing.
10:52Yes, true love.
10:55Is that for me?
10:56Hold, please.
10:57Sonny, this phone is for dinner reservations.
10:59Why would someone call you on this phone?
11:01In fact, why would anyone call you at all?
11:03I left Betty this number.
11:04Sonny, taking personal calls on this phone is against the rules.
11:07There are no rules in love, Nancy.
11:09What are the rules for firing a clown in a cheap tuxedo?
11:12Nancy, haven't you ever been in love?
11:14Sonny, that's none of your business.
11:16Now, go away. I have things to do.
11:18Yes?
11:20I have things to do.
11:21She really has to find a rock and shed skin.
11:25Sonny, what's wrong?
11:26Oh, I've been trying to call Betty all day, and all I get is her answering machine.
11:30So, did you leave her a message?
11:32Ten. I even sang three.
11:35Don't worry. I'm sure she'll call.
11:37Sure.
11:38She might even surprise me and come by.
11:40That's the kind of hairpin she is.
11:42Hey, Sonny.
11:43Hi, babe.
11:51All right, Betty, who's the dude?
11:53Oh, Sonny, this is Rick. Rick, this is Sonny.
11:55Save it, buddy. You might need that hand in a minute.
11:58Who is this guy?
11:59Will you excuse me for a minute, please?
12:01Sure.
12:02I got my eye on you, pal.
12:04Sonny, what's going on?
12:05That's exactly what I was wondering.
12:07What are you talking about? I'm having dinner with a friend.
12:09Here? Right in front of my face?
12:11Couldn't you at least have had the decency to do it behind my back?
12:15Sonny, what are you talking about?
12:16The other night, you said no strings, no nothing.
12:19You told me you were a hang loose kind of guy.
12:21Hey, I can hang loose with the best of them.
12:24I can also fall apart pretty good.
12:26Would you rather we ate somewhere else?
12:28What I'd rather do is tie that guy's nose in a slipknot.
12:31Betty, I thought we had something special.
12:34Sonny, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression,
12:37but one night is not a relationship.
12:40You told me you never met anyone like me before.
12:42Who has?
12:47Look, it was great fun, and I'd love to do it again sometime.
12:49Forget it. What kind of guy do you think I am?
12:52Hey, you're a great guy.
12:55And I'm sorry if I hurt you.
12:57You're sorry?
13:00I think we better leave.
13:28You think I'm acting crazy, don't you?
13:30Crazy? No. Overreacting, yes.
13:32Well, I'm divorced.
13:33I have a child and no husband to check with.
13:35For all I know, when boys hit nine,
13:36they get their permanent molars and a copy of Penthouse Magazine.
13:38Jan, take it easy.
13:40Here you are, sir.
13:43Look, obviously your children are being raised more sexually advanced.
13:45I just wish I had known that before I let Ellen sleep over.
13:47Jan, my son is ten.
13:49He plays Little League.
13:50He's never been rounded up by the vice-president.
13:52He's never been fired.
13:53He's never been fired.
13:54My son is ten.
13:55He plays Little League.
13:56He's never been rounded up by the vice squad.
13:58My daughter is thirteen and still childless.
14:00I think we're doing okay.
14:07Lois, I know I said I could wait, but I can't wait.
14:09Why don't you just call Joey and ask him
14:10what he and Ellen talked about when he gave her the magazine?
14:13Jan, I have a plan.
14:14You raise your kids and I'll raise mine.
14:16And just let's not talk about this again.
14:18As a matter of fact,
14:19just don't say anything to me about anything.
14:21If a hand grenade lands at my feet, say nothing.
14:25It would be my pleasure.
14:26Good.
14:30And you still owe me $20.
14:33Lois, guess what?
14:34We're still open.
14:35Oh, I'm just going back.
14:36Good.
14:37Having to treat mature women as if they were children.
14:55Look, Joey, honey.
14:56First of all, I want you to know
14:57that you're not in any trouble, okay?
14:59Okay.
15:00Sit.
15:03But even though you're not in trouble,
15:04that doesn't mean that I'm not upset,
15:06concerned about this.
15:09You do understand why I'm concerned?
15:11Yes.
15:12Sit.
15:15Look, uh, there's certain things in life
15:17that you're just not ready for, you know?
15:20Like driving a car.
15:21You're not ready for that.
15:23And, uh, you're not ready for those magazines.
15:27Why not?
15:28You and Dad explained all that man-woman stuff to me already.
15:31You said there's nothing wrong with it.
15:33Well, there isn't.
15:34There isn't.
15:35Sex is a good, healthy thing when it's right.
15:38But those magazines only give you half the picture.
15:44What was missing?
15:48Love.
15:49You see, love and sex should go together.
15:52Now, the ideas in those magazines aren't about that,
15:55and I just feel that until you're...
15:57until you're old enough to understand the difference,
15:59you should just stay away from them.
16:02You understand?
16:03Yes.
16:04Okay.
16:08Where did you get those magazines, anyway?
16:10I mean, is somebody selling that stuff to you kids?
16:12Mom, I'm not gonna rat on anybody.
16:15Well, I'm not asking you to rat on anybody.
16:17Just, uh, tell.
16:20Okay.
16:22Ralphie traded it to me for my Swiss Army Knife.
16:25Where did Ralphie get it?
16:26He bought it from Bobby.
16:27And where did he get it?
16:28From Jimmy for his Kiss album.
16:30And Jimmy found it taped to the bottom of his big brother's clothes hamper.
16:34Okay, honey, one more question.
16:36Why did you give it to Ellen?
16:44Uh...
16:46So...
16:48what'd you think?
16:49I thought it was interesting.
16:51What do you mean, interesting?
16:54Well, I've never seen naked people ski before.
16:59Oh.
17:00Well, um, did, uh, Joey tell you, um, how they keep warm?
17:06No.
17:08Then why did he give it to you?
17:10Joey didn't give it to me.
17:14Joey, are you telling me the truth? You really didn't give it to her?
17:17Mom, are you nuts?
17:19I traded my knife for that.
17:21I thought you took it.
17:22Besides, she's a girl. You don't give those type of things to girls.
17:26Oh. Okay, okay. I-I believe you.
17:29That'll teach me to show anybody my hiding place.
17:34I have to figure out a new one before she comes over again.
17:38I guess that means you forgive Ellen for borrowing it, huh?
17:40Why not? She's just a kid.
17:43What does she know?
17:45Come here a minute.
17:47What?
17:48Hey, why don't you do me a favor?
17:51If you have any questions, no matter what it is,
17:53I want you to come and ask your dad or me, all right?
17:57Okay. But I didn't have any questions. I just wanted a look.
18:01Right.
18:03I better get to school.
18:05Hey, wait a minute. Where are your socks?
18:07I guess I forgot.
18:09Isn't it okay if I just walk close and my pants touch my shoes?
18:13No.
18:14No.
18:19Oh, well, this is just great.
18:21Here, I laid the whole thing on my best friend's kid,
18:23and mine turns out to be the culprit.
18:25I'm sorry, Mom.
18:27I know I shouldn't have taken it, but I was really curious.
18:31It's okay, sweetie. I wasn't yelling at you. I was yelling at myself.
18:38Of course you're curious. I, uh...
18:42I don't blame you for being curious.
18:46It's okay to be curious.
18:48It is?
18:49Sure. As long as you can come to me with it.
18:51Well, I was kind of embarrassed.
18:53You shouldn't be.
18:54I shouldn't?
18:55No. If you're going to talk to anybody about sex, it should be me.
18:59Want to talk now?
19:03Now?
19:04Yeah.
19:05Okay. Would you give me a minute?
19:07I think I need a cup of coffee on this one.
19:10Sure.
19:13Now?
19:16Oh.
19:23Hi, Lois.
19:25I have to talk to you.
19:26No. No, you don't.
19:28Listen, I talked to Ellen last night and straightened the whole thing out.
19:31Good. Well, I talked to Joey, so let's just forget about it.
19:34Good.
19:36Are you still mad at me?
19:38Yeah.
19:40Hey.
19:42I made a mistake.
19:44Look, I'm sorry that I accused Joey of giving the magazine to Ellen.
19:49That's not what I'm mad about.
19:50Oh.
19:51Well, I'm sorry that I tried to get you to call Joey.
19:54No, I'm not mad about that either.
19:55Oh.
19:57So what are you mad about?
19:58Your attitude.
20:00My attitude?
20:02My attitude?
20:03Nobody's been mad at me because of my attitude since high school.
20:06Well, I am. You flew off the handle.
20:08I always fly off the handle.
20:09Well, this time you picked the wrong subject.
20:11My kids are out of bounds for flying off the handle.
20:13Look, Lois, I was scared and confused. I didn't know what else to do.
20:17When I get like that, I fly off the handle, okay?
20:19You were right. I was wrong.
20:20And I promise I'm never gonna fly off the handle about your kids again, okay?
20:23That was an apology, wasn't it?
20:26Yeah.
20:28Good.
20:29I accept.
20:31Good.
20:32Hey, how about that 20 bucks you owe me?
20:34Will you take a check?
20:36You have identification?
20:37Identification?
20:38I ain't never checked.
21:07It's a little thing.