IT'S A LIVING Season 3 Episode 13 Jealous Wife
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00:00Life's not the French Riviera, believe me Life's not a charity ball
00:11It isn't all a great big bed of roses It's not like showbiz, but the main thing I'm supposed to see
00:21We're not the people of Paris, believe me We know we're doing a good thing
00:29Okay, we may be less than we'll be But we're not dead, we're young and healthy
00:38And anyone who's young and healthy Knows that that's the way
00:45The traffic flows, it's unbearable
01:16Tall
01:22Thank you!
01:26I got a little break coming up
01:31But not quite yet
01:35Evening, Cassie
01:36Hi, how ya doing? You wanna start out with your usual?
01:39Please
01:40Alrighty
01:41Why was I born? Why am I living?
01:47Hey, God makes mistakes too
01:53Good evening, sir. Do you have a reservation?
01:55No, I don't
01:56Oh, well I'm afraid there'll be a short wait
01:58I'll be at the bar
01:59Fine
02:00Ted! I thought you went back to New York
02:02I did, just long enough to convince the boss that I was needed here desperately
02:05Mm-hmm, you're making all the right moves, you know that
02:08Uh-huh
02:10I won't be free for a while
02:11It's okay, I'll have dinner first
02:13Great, see ya later
02:18Cassie, you know how I feel about dating customers
02:21Yeah, it's too bad the customers don't feel that way about you
02:27Robert, come here
02:39Well, I'm not gonna be happy until I find it
02:42If it's happiness you're looking for, it could be right under your nose
02:45I just want you to know that I'm taking the breaded veal cutlet off tomorrow night's menu
02:49Fine
02:50Fine? You don't wanna know why?
02:52Okay, why?
02:54Because you can't make breaded veal cutlet without breadcrumbs
02:57And you can't make breadcrumbs without stale bread
03:00Now what do you want me to say?
03:02How about what happened to the stale bread you've been saving?
03:06It was right on the tip of my tongue
03:07The point is, Nancy, it's missing, somebody stole it
03:10Come on, Howard, who would wanna steal stale bread?
03:13Maybe somebody who likes to dip themselves in milk and roll around in breadcrumbs
03:17What a bizarre and fascinating notion
03:20You wanna dress up like a breaded veal cutlet, that's your problem
03:22My problem is tomorrow night's menu
03:24Howard, lighten up
03:26This is hardly a major crisis
03:28Soda stale bread's missing
03:29Somebody probably threw it out by mistake
03:31Of course, that's it, Nancy's right
03:33People are always throwing away stale bread
03:35Happens all the time, nothing suspicious here
03:38Thank you, darling
03:39Howard, you've been working too hard
03:41Why don't you come up to my place and we'll have a few laughs?
03:44I'm laughing already
03:49I need two pullet baskets
03:51That's poulet basquet
03:53Well, I need two of them
03:56Well, I see Ted's back in town
03:58So?
03:59Oh, come on, Cassie, I saw your face when you walked in
04:01You're as happy as a bullfrog with a mouth full of horseflies
04:04You're right
04:06I sure would like to get out of here a little early
04:08Boy, so would I, I gotta get up early in the morning
04:10I'm going to SeaWorld
04:12I hear they have this little baby walrus
04:14That they dress up just like a cowboy
04:16And he flops across stage
04:18And they shoot him and he plays dead
04:20Flops his little flippers
04:22You really love the theater, don't you, kid?
04:27Hey, Howard, you have a minute?
04:28Oh, this is not a good time, Sonny
04:30You're telling me
04:31Listen, I was in this bar last night
04:33And I asked this girl if she wouldn't mind coming back to my place
04:35To see my erotic pen collection
04:37What the heck is an erotic pen collection?
04:39You know those pens you turn them upside down
04:41When the girl takes her clothes off?
04:43Yeah, I've seen the pens
04:45I didn't know anybody had enough of them to make a collection
04:47Yeah, well, it's kind of unique
04:49Sets me apart from the other guys
04:51I bet
04:52Anyway, she said she couldn't come up last night
04:54But she was available next Thursday
04:56Sonny, are you sure you want to go with a girl
04:58To go to your place to see dirty pens?
05:00Absolutely
05:02But she also wants dinner
05:04That's the problem
05:05I got a cooking question for you
05:06What is it?
05:07How do you do it?
05:09Cook?
05:10Yeah, I try a lot of different things
05:11It never works out
05:12You haven't tried anything with breadcrumbs, have you?
05:15No, but it sounds delicious
05:17What kind of wine would I serve with these breadcrumbs?
05:20Do you even know how to boil water?
05:22Yeah, but I want to do something special
05:25I don't think I can help you, Sonny
05:29Do you cry and weep rare?
05:30Hey, Jan, I got this really big date coming up next Thursday night
05:33And I need some advice
05:35She said yes?
05:36Sounds like I could both use some advice
05:38I want to show her that I'm a man of the 80s
05:40That I'm sensitive and that I can cry
05:42With most dates, I usually wait until after they say no
05:45Try putting the crying where you usually do the begging
05:48Great idea
05:52Dot, you wouldn't like to cover for me tonight, would you?
05:55No problem
05:56Gee, thanks, Dot
05:57I'll return the favor
05:58Forget it
05:59All I ask from you, Cassie, is your continued friendship, admiration and respect
06:04She drives a hard bargain
06:12How was SeaWorld, Tex?
06:13Oh, it was fantastic
06:14I think I like the dolphin show the best
06:16Trainer had one of them walk across the water on his tail
06:19Then it came up out of the water and kissed me
06:23You went all the way to San Diego to kiss a fish?
06:25A dolphin isn't a fish, it's a mammal
06:27Will you kiss me? I'm a mammal
06:29No, Sander, you're a fish
06:32Does somebody by the name of Cassie work here?
06:34Well, yes
06:35Don't tell me, I'll know her when I see her
06:39Cassie, right?
06:40Right
06:41Do you want to talk here or in private?
06:42About what?
06:43Don't play games with me, honey, you know damn well about what
06:46Want to keep it down?
06:47Look, you homewrecker, get this and get it straight
06:49I want you to stop seeing my husband
06:55Well, I hope this was as much fun for you as it was for me
07:17I believed him
07:19I was even thinking of getting a job in New York so we could be together
07:23Jerk
07:24Jerk?
07:25Try slime degenerate dirtbag
07:27I was talking about me
07:29Oh, well, then jerk's fine
07:31Cassie, people don't notice what goes on in here anyway
07:35Sonny plays here every night
07:36If they don't notice him, they didn't notice you
07:39Did you see the look on those people's faces when they found out that Cassie was dating a married man?
07:43Jan didn't, you want to describe it to her?
07:45They were sitting there bug-eyed
07:47I can't imagine what I would have done being humiliated that way
07:50But then again, I don't date married men
07:52I didn't know he was married
07:54It's true, Amy, she didn't
07:55Let's face it, the only single guys Cassie hasn't dated are dating each other
08:02So tomorrow night, instead of chocolate mousse, chocolate souffle, or fraise au chocolat, we'll be serving Jell-O
08:07Howard, if we're out of chocolate, just say so
08:09I just did
08:15Doug, where you been?
08:17I've been counting my tips
08:19What have you got in there, money bags?
08:21You must have made out like a bandit
08:23Bandit?
08:25Very funny, I gotta go
08:27Before you go, I have something to say
08:30Quarters, lots of quarters
08:34What happens between consenting adults and the privacy of their own homes is between them and their videotape machines
08:41But what happened here tonight was a public disgrace that reflects on all of us
08:44The innocent and...
08:47The guilty
08:51That's it, good night all
08:53Just a moment
08:54Back off, Nancy, I've been through a lot tonight
08:56Ha! You've made your bed, now stay out of it
09:02Chin up, Cassie
09:03Yeah, see you tomorrow
09:06You know, Cassie, I don't know if this will help, but I got some advice for you
09:09Oh, good, just the person I would have turned to
09:12Well, back home, when a girl finds out she's going with a married man
09:16They have this cute little thing that they do to make themselves feel better
09:19Yeah, what is it?
09:20They tie him up and drag him behind a jeep
09:23I like it
09:24Think it'll work with a Chevy?
09:30They tie him up and drag him behind a jeep
09:33I like it
09:34Think it'll work with a Chevy?
09:36Yeah
09:41Howard, the chocolate was delivered last week
09:43Look, you signed for it yourself
09:45Well, then where is it?
09:46Good question
09:47I've also discovered a 10-pound wheel of cheddar cheese is missing
09:50Now, that's cheese, chocolate and stale bread
09:53What do you make of it?
09:54Probably some Russian dish
09:59I feel so weird today, I kept having the strangest dream about Ted
10:03Well, tell me about it
10:04It was a psychology course in college, maybe I can tell you what it means
10:07Well, I don't know whether it means anything
10:09But we were at this amusement park and he kept buying me hot dogs
10:12I think I remember what that means
10:14Then he wanted to take me to the Tenth Hall of Love
10:16We don't need Freud for this one
10:18And then I'd push him off a cliff
10:20So, what do you think?
10:21I think you did the right thing
10:23I didn't get much sleep last night either
10:25We were up half the night talking about money
10:27Richie kept insisting that Charlie needs braces
10:29And I found myself saying that his teeth don't really stick out all that much
10:32Do they?
10:33That bug's bunny
10:36Sorry to hear you've been having budget problems, Jan
10:38Of course, there are ways to supplement the old paycheck
10:41A bit of chocolate as a treat, a little bread and cheese in the lunchbox
10:45Winning a huge slander suit in court
10:47Well, somebody's been raiding our kitchen
10:49Frankly, Nancy, I'm appalled
10:51Shocked, I can't believe you'd accuse Jan of taking food home
10:54Well, if it isn't Jan, who is it?
10:56Well, I didn't say it wasn't Jan, but where's your proof?
10:59Thanks for your support
11:00You're right, Dot
11:01Oh, please forgive me, Jan
11:03I just can't go around accusing innocent people
11:05It's that busboy, Gus
11:08There you go again
11:09Nancy, Nancy, Nancy
11:11Things get misplaced, thrown away by mistake
11:14You are dealing in pure speculation
11:17Until you catch Gus in the act
11:19Oh, I'll catch him
11:20If there's one thing I know how to do, it's how to set a trap
11:24So, how come she's still single?
11:25Look at the bait
11:27Cassie, Ted's here
11:28Says he wants to surprise you
11:30He already did
11:31Now it's my turn
11:32Would you drop this off at table six and then show Ted into the lounge?
11:39She's right in there
11:40Thank you
11:43That is my favorite girl
11:46Is something wrong?
11:47Yeah, I missed the soft spot in your head
11:49What did I do?
11:51Do you remember what I asked you on our first date?
11:53Oh, come on, Cassie, that was six months ago
11:55I remember because it's something that I ask on every first date
11:57What?
11:58Are you married and you said no?
12:00Excuse me, I need to be drunk
12:01So, your wife showed up here last night
12:03That's impossible
12:04I have over a hundred witnesses
12:06There must be some mistake
12:07You're right and you're it
12:09Here, knock yourself up
12:10Now, hold it, Cassie
12:11Put those down, I'm not lying to you
12:13So, there you are
12:14I do not want another scene in my restaurant
12:16I told you to keep away from my husband
12:18Howard, do something
12:19Not me, I'm protecting desserts
12:21Well, I'm calling security
12:23He's all yours, I've had it
12:25Hold it, sweetheart, I'm not done with you yet
12:27What is going on here?
12:28Cassie, I want to talk to you
12:30Why don't you talk to her?
12:31We have nothing to talk about
12:32That's not my problem
12:33I told you to break it off with my husband
12:34You've got the tongues, you do it
12:37What are you talking about?
12:38Your husband
12:39He's not my husband
12:41Wait a minute
12:43You're not her husband?
12:45I've never seen this woman before
12:47Then who is your husband?
12:48You have some nerve asking that
12:50A hint, give me a hint, what's his name?
12:52Dwight
12:53Dwight?
12:55I don't date Dwights
12:57Okay, play it your way
12:59But sooner or later I'm going to catch the two of you together
13:01And then you'll find out I'm not the meek little housewife you think I am
13:06And you call me a two-timer
13:08How many guys are there, Cassie?
13:09Or can't you remember their names?
13:11Whoa, settle down
13:12You were right, there's been a mistake
13:14Just forget mine too
13:15Just take me off the list, okay?
13:16Ted, wait a minute, please
13:17Let's talk about it
13:18Ted!
13:23Dwight
13:25I'm sure I would have remembered a Dwight
13:38There he is
13:39Thanks a lot, Mr. Breadcrumb
13:41That's right, I mean you, Howard
13:43I took your advice
13:44I'm on my way home from my date
13:46I stopped to gas up the car
13:47So I run inside and buy the most expensive breadcrumbs they had
13:50Got me nowhere
13:51Excuse me
13:52A little late for apologies, mister
13:53I'm not apologizing
13:54You're in my way
13:55Oh, excuse me
13:57Oh, there she is, Miss Sensitivity
13:59What are you talking about?
14:00Don't play innocent with me
14:01You're the one who told me to cry early
14:03At least when I cry at the end of the evening
14:05I retain my dignity
14:06If you ever need advice on love, don't come to me
14:09Well, if that's the way it's gotta be
14:15Yes, operator
14:16Just tell him that Cassie called again
14:20Still no luck?
14:21I've left messages at his hotel, at his office
14:24I've called him night and day
14:25He's just ignoring me
14:27Now I know how the guys on my B-list feel
14:30If you get a hold of him, what are you gonna tell him?
14:31That somebody else is having all the fun
14:33And I'm getting blamed for it
14:36All right, ladies
14:37It's the moment of truth
14:38I know who's been taking the food
14:40Although I've yet to figure out why
14:42Oh, I'm sure there could be any number of reasons
14:44Ranging all the way from innocent to humane
14:46For instance
14:48Okay
14:49Let's just say that
14:50That one of us, like Amy or Jan or Cassie
14:53Took pity on some poor hungry street person
14:56And offered to feed them a stale crust of bread
14:58A little chocolate, some cheese
15:00Given such noble motives
15:02Who is to say they should be punished?
15:03Who is to say, in such a case
15:05That the end doesn't justify the means?
15:08Who amongst us would cast the first stone?
15:11Me, if I could find one big enough
15:14Oh, I know what you're thinking
15:16You're wondering which one of us
15:18Is most likely to care about some little old lady
15:20Who lives out of a shopping cart
15:22Whose only shelter is a cardboard crate in an alley
15:25Doc, open your locker
15:27Oh, all right
15:29There
15:31Good Lord, I'm innocent
15:34That's not your locker
15:36Oh
15:39Ketchup?
15:40She likes to make soup out of it
15:42She?
15:43Shopping cart Sal
15:44You've seen her hanging around the parking lot
15:46Short, fat, wears a Dodgers cap
15:48Sounds like Tommy Lasorda
15:50Eight loaves of bread, four pounds of chocolate
15:52And a wheel of cheese
15:53Why so much?
15:54She likes to entertain
15:56I guess she has a lot of friends
15:58How'd you know it was a dot?
16:00Simplicity itself, I went through your lockers
16:02That's an invasion of privacy
16:04Call Effley Bailey
16:05Nancy, wait
16:07What are you going to do to me?
16:08I'll have to think about it
16:10I'll determine what's most merciful
16:12Then go the other way
16:17Oh, good evening, sir
16:21Nice to see you again
16:22Well, take a good look
16:23Because it's the last time you're seeing him
16:24I told you to wait in the car
16:26While you come up here and see your bimbo
16:28Oh, please, keep your voices down
16:30I'll take care of this, Nancy
16:31Back off, sister
16:32Sweetheart, please
16:33Don't sweetheart me, Dwight
16:35Dwight?
16:36You're Dwight?
16:37This is Dwight
16:38Hi, Cassie
16:39Hi, Cassie
16:40Play something
16:42What?
16:43Between two lovers
16:47Do you know how much you messed up my life last night?
16:49That's why I'm here
16:50To apologize for that whole ugly scene
16:52What about this whole ugly scene?
16:54I'm on to you and Dwight
16:56How do you think I got him?
16:57His first wife was a blonde waitress
16:59I was a blonde waitress
17:00You are a blonde waitress
17:01Darlene, you got it all wrong
17:02I haven't even asked Cassie out yet
17:04Did you hear the yet?
17:05Did everybody hear the yet?
17:09Okay, the two of you, out
17:11You listen to me
17:12No, you listen to me
17:13I don't know what your problem is, lady
17:14But you've got some nerve trying to make it my problem
17:18Now, this is a cape-on
17:20And if the two of you don't get out of here
17:22In two seconds, it's gonna be a stuffed cape-on
17:27Thanks for lending me the bird
17:29I'll get you another one
17:32You okay?
17:33Me? I'm fine
17:34Now, at least I know what to tell Ted
17:35Yeah, if he ever returns your calls
17:37Oh, I'm not gonna wait for his calls
17:38I'm gonna go to the hotel after work
17:39And I'm gonna camp out in the lobby if I have to
17:42Well, Cassie, that was quite a performance
17:45You were rude, vulgar, and offensive
17:48I'm proud of you
17:49Get back to work
17:53Here you go, Sal, hot rolls
17:55And your relish dish
17:56Bon appetit
17:57Oh, it sure beats dumpster diving
18:00You know, Nancy, you are really something else
18:02And here I thought you were gonna flat and dot
18:03Like a slow possum on a fast highway
18:05Hey, I'm eating here
18:08Would you like to start with soup or salad?
18:10Dot, shopping cart Sal is a special guest
18:13Bring her a shrimp cocktail
18:14Yeah, bring me a shrimp cocktail
18:17Right
18:18Sal, when Dot told me of your plight
18:20I took the liberty of calling the Bay Street Mission
18:23They have a place for you if you like
18:25You couldn't give me room here at the hotel?
18:27Shut up and eat, Sal
18:35Yes?
18:37I must have the wrong room
18:40I'm looking for Ted Grady
18:42This is it, come in
18:46Is Ted here?
18:47No, I wish I knew where he was
18:49Are you his secretary?
18:50No
18:51Are you?
18:52I'm Beverly Grady
18:53His sister?
18:54His wife
18:55Oh
18:57I didn't know Ted was married
18:59Tomorrow is our 12th anniversary
19:00I've flown in to surprise him
19:03I'm sure you will
19:05Well, congratulations, happy anniversary
19:08I'm sorry, I didn't get your name
19:10Cassie
19:11Are you with Ted's West Coast office?
19:13Yes, I just dropped by to give him a message
19:17Can I take it for him?
19:18Sure
19:19Tell him he lost the Cranston account
19:22Oh, I'm sure he'll be sorry to hear that
19:26Yeah
19:27Cassie
19:30Thank you for the message
19:32You're welcome
19:36Good night, Mrs. Grady
19:38Goodbye, Miss Cranston
19:49More coffee?
19:50Oh, no thanks
19:51Another chocolate souffle?
19:52Oh, no, three's my limit
19:54Can I ask you something?
19:55Sure
19:56Where do you get your mail?
19:58At my house in the Hamptons
20:01Who is this girl?
20:04Cassie
20:05This has been one of the most selfless and giving gestures I've ever seen
20:09Yeah, thanks
20:10Oh, don't thank me, thank Dot
20:12She's paying for it
20:14Are you?
20:15Oh, good
20:16You're surprised
20:18Oh, I love surprises
20:19Especially when they're mixed with a touch of revenge
20:23Cassie
20:24What are you doing back here?
20:25Oh, I don't know
20:27Felt like going someplace and listening to some loud music
20:30Want to come with me?
20:31Cassie, I'm a married woman now
20:32I have to get home to Richie and the kids
20:33Oh, yeah, right
20:35What happened at the hotel?
20:36Wasn't Ted there?
20:37No
20:38His wife was
20:40I'll get my coat
21:03I'll get my coat
21:04I'll get my coat