A Bit of a Do S02E02 The Christening (1989)
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00:00I'd have loved to, Duncan, but I've got a bit of a do on... a christening.
00:12Well I do, really.
00:13I'm the... he's my son.
00:14A bit of a do.
00:15A bit of a do.
00:16Smiling faces in public places, trying to hide your problems from your friends and relations.
00:35A bit of a do.
00:36Invited to a bit of a do.
00:37It's a small town, posh, nosh, affair, best behavior, being aware of others who are doing
00:51it too.
00:52Others who are seeing through you.
00:53A bit of a do.
00:54All tickety-boo.
00:55New dimension.
00:56A bit of a do.
00:57A bit of a do.
00:58A bit of a do.
01:01All tickety-boo.
01:02New dimension, for family tensions.
01:09Mentioning the little things that shouldn't be mentioned.
01:16A bit of a do.
01:17A bit of a do.
01:18Invited to a bit of a do.
01:19A bit of a do.
01:20Hasn't he grown?
01:21hasn't he grown? we suddenly realized if we didn't have the christening soon he'd be
01:28walking. Neville's terribly proud of him. almost as if. quite. incidentally
01:36congratulations councillor. thank you very much. food of thought. when I was a
01:43downtrodden neurotic housewife that within two weeks had us swept onto the
01:47council with five votes after four recounts. well not exactly no. who would
01:53have? precisely. well it's a small majority but it's a vital moment in our
01:57town's history. what? it changes the balance of the council. this town is now
02:04labor-controlled. exciting isn't it? I hope you don't intend to talk politics
02:10today. oh have you heard from Jerry? did he enjoy his honeymoon on his own?
02:16oh I don't think these things should be swept under the carpet Neville. they'll
02:20hang over us forever. oh you put your carpets on the ceiling do you?
02:24you know what I mean. I mention it purely in order to exorcise the freedom. not to be
02:29nasty. I think I choose to believe you. well I understand Jerry had quite a good
02:34God. Ted. have you invited him?
02:43really? yes well I... oh congratulations councillor. thank you very much.
02:53I'll be new to Thorpe. quite. really Ted. turn it up today.
03:02tackless Ted. you once said you liked me because I was tackless and uncouth.
03:12I of all people have a right to be here. the baby...
03:19no no Ted no no. you're his father. he isn't yours. he isn't anybody's. he's himself.
03:26circumstances have meant that it's my duty and my great privilege to look
03:31after him till he's old enough to look after himself.
03:35well said. marvellous.
03:37I wish you both didn't sound so surprised.
03:41well I care about the boy. I've witnessed the church service at least.
03:47it's all right. don't worry. I'll give nobody any reason to suspect the truth.
03:52you know what? I'm capable of being civilized and discreet. look I'm hardly
04:00likely to create a scene in front of my...
04:03in front of my fiancée.
04:05well all right Ted. but if you do... your fiancée? you're not marry your waitress.
04:13no Liz. nothing as disturbing to your social nostrils as that. I'm marrying
04:20Corinna Price. oh said. thank you Rita. congratulations Corinna. yes
04:29congratulations. thank you. congratulations to you too.
04:36well said. you met Corinna my fiancée. yes we've um... fiancée? good God. I mean good
04:51God is certainly giving us something to celebrate today. fiancée I heard that.
04:57congratulations. hello all. that's quite a warm day. won't need the heating. that's
05:03lucky. sorry? why? because we don't want it to be a baptism of fire. joke. you
05:13remember my nephew do you Simon? yes I... I... yes you know my wife Judy. nine months
05:23pregnant still waiting. yes I... I showed around. house. it was a house Simon. yes
05:36absolutely. a house.
05:43well what a happy day. where's Paul? we had a terrible row this morning. he's refusing to speak to me and he
05:50wouldn't come. oh Lord I was gonna say he had this mystery virus but I couldn't
05:56lie. but I should have lied. I mean I shouldn't have told you. I shouldn't have
05:59spoiled things. not today. do you repent of your sins? I repent of my sins. do you
06:09renounce evil? I renounce evil. we will now sing hymn number 264 omitting verses
06:19four and five.
06:39Morden is on his own again. I hope nothing's wrong.
06:49concentrate on these young lives. forget your own troubles. pretend you believe and pray.
07:05Morden is on his own again.
07:18don't say this but you know.
07:32Oh Lord make the whole world happy. get rid of poverty and disease.
07:40make Elvis love me.
07:47Rodney looks awful. don't say he's got marital problems.
07:54I wish it could make me well. but I deserve it.
08:18I'll stray Lord Morden.
08:31Jocelyn Neville Selwyn. I baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
08:43Jocelyn Neville Selwyn. my son is going to be known to the world as Jocelyn Neville Selwyn Badger.
09:06he looks very like you mr. Badger. I find that extraordinary.
09:10yes I find it pretty extraordinary myself.
09:14so many people take these things for granted.
09:16but the seed. the tiny seed growing into a person that resembles its parents.
09:21every time I see it I think this is a miracle.
09:25in this case it certainly is.
09:32I bet you didn't make it then.
09:34no she weren't open so much.
09:38excuse me.
09:40oh dear.
09:42oh dear.
09:44all right Rodney.
09:46yes grand.
09:48just grand.
09:50right good.
09:52oh you know Corinna.
09:54my fiancee.
09:56your fiancee?
09:58well whatever happened to...
10:00to the famous British Reserve. our native shiner city.
10:04got engaged so quickly.
10:06Brooke's no frontiers Rodney.
10:08you what?
10:10love breaks down barriers.
10:12Betty away again?
10:14yes she's...
10:18excuse me.
10:20I've sinned and I'm reaping the whirlwind.
10:26oh dear.
10:28oh
10:33stop looking so worried Neville.
10:35will he be all right with his godparents?
10:37no I was thinking...
10:39it'll look a bit suspicious if we don't invite Ted and Corinna back now that they're here.
10:42and they have just announced their engagement.
10:44it'll look a bit graceless.
10:46oh Neville.
10:48today of all days I would like to be free of memories of Ted.
10:51he'll be discreet. he's with his fiancee.
10:53whose father is a bishop.
10:55I suppose that means she's so socially acceptable we must ask.
10:58no of course not.
11:00I think that accepting as we must that your son...
11:03our son...
11:05is in reality the product of Ted's...
11:09spermatozoa?
11:11yes.
11:12well yes in a way.
11:14it would be a Christian gesture on a Christian day to invite Ted...
11:18to wet the baby's head.
11:21well we'll just um...
11:24slip quietly away.
11:27wish you good luck.
11:29no no no Ted. no need.
11:31I... we...
11:33I'd very much like it if you came to the...
11:36I thought it was family only.
11:38Ted is very much family Corinna.
11:41in a way.
11:43Liz is referring to the fact that our two families are linked by wedlock darling.
11:47well yes that's what I assume she meant.
11:50what else could she have meant?
11:52what else? exactly.
11:54well nothing else. precisely. my point exactly.
11:57well we'd love to come.
11:59where are the junketings? a la maison de la badgers?
12:02no Ted. at the Angel.
12:04oh the good old sir Leonard Hutton room again eh?
12:07well no we've booked a smaller room.
12:09the Geoffrey boycott room.
12:14does look a bit like his father doesn't he?
12:16let's hope our baby doesn't look like his father eh?
12:19what?
12:20because they've got an ugly mug.
12:23joke!
12:25oh.
12:27yes.
12:29joke.
12:31right.
12:37auntie Betty's been away quite a lot lately hasn't she uncle Rodney?
12:40yes she's having to look after an elderly aunt.
12:42she's a tadcaster more often than she's old these days.
12:46are you all right?
12:48no. last night I succumbed to temptation.
12:51I'm reaping the whirlwind.
12:53what temptation exactly did you succumb to?
12:56meat.
12:58you what?
12:59rump steak. rare. bloody. marvelous. bloody marvelous.
13:03now I've got the gripes.
13:04oh I see.
13:06disappointed? thought I were talking about another woman.
13:08no of course not.
13:11has it ever crossed your mind that while she's in Tadcaster
13:15auntie Betty might be seeing another man?
13:17it has crossed my mind yes.
13:20once just then when you mentioned it.
13:22of course it hasn't Elvis. we have a perfect marriage.
13:24of course you do.
13:26there you go madam. just the job. tickety boo.
13:28thank you Eric.
13:30so how are you faring Rita?
13:32in what way?
13:33well in life. at home.
13:35the evenings the nights without Neville.
13:37without what?
13:39Jerry?
13:41any man?
13:42sex?
13:43no.
13:44well yes.
13:45Neville?
13:46I'm faring very well.
13:48I'm not the sort of woman who feels incomplete without a man.
13:51is that a dig at me?
13:53good heavens no Liz.
13:55no.
13:56we're friends now.
13:58subject closed. feminist speech is over.
14:04I just hate the idea that without marriage men are fine and women aren't.
14:09I mean from time immemorial men have managed to put forward this idea
14:12that bachelors are admirable and spinsters are pathetic.
14:15as if marriage was an institution for the benefit of women
14:18when quite clearly it's almost entirely for the benefit of men.
14:22sorry.
14:24I see Corduroy is staging a revival.
14:27what?
14:28I read somewhere that Corduroy is making a fight back.
14:31I was steering us into safer waters. I'm sorry.
14:34no. you're absolutely right.
14:37let's try and do without ructions of any kind.
14:40just this once.
14:41sorry about that. it's all right.
14:43Sandra!
14:44oh lord.
14:45what's wrong?
14:46you'll see.
14:47GC.
14:50oh heck.
14:52that's torn it.
14:54come on Kirina let's leave.
14:56I mean it's best it is isn't it?
14:58I don't want to leave Ted.
14:59I enjoy champagne.
15:01and I'm not frightened of a waitress.
15:03my father is a bishop.
15:06Ted. Kirina. tea or champagne?
15:08oh champagne for me please.
15:10there you go madam. no problem. just the job.
15:13I'll just have tea. I've got a mouth like an elephant's mouth.
15:25do you take sugar sir?
15:26you know what?
15:28two please.
15:31thank you.
15:34nice to see you again sir.
15:36I haven't... we haven't seen you around lately.
15:39no. no I've been um...
15:42you know I've been um...
15:44tied up.
15:45I know how these things happen sir.
15:47they put the babies in room 108.
15:49babies what?
15:50well that's hardly appropriate.
15:52that's the room he was put in last time.
15:55well they say they use that room as a kind of spare because it's next to the boiler so it's noisy at night.
15:59what last time?
16:02I didn't realize it had ever really gone away.
16:06corduroy.
16:09come and have a look at the picture of the great man darling. our Jeff.
16:17what last time?
16:19excuse me.
16:22mum he's never been to the hotel before.
16:26were you going to say that's the room he was conceived in?
16:30was he conceived at my wedding reception?
16:32I'm afraid so.
16:34I was so overjoyed at your marrying your road sweeper I'm afraid I got carried away.
16:40oh my god.
16:42no wonder our marriage is going wrong.
16:44oh lord I shouldn't have said that. not today.
16:52your waitress showed a bit of style there.
16:56surprised? stereotype thinking Corinna.
16:59that's a very glib social judgment is that?
17:01I do not make glib social judgments Ted.
17:04I was brought up not to.
17:06don't forget my father is a bishop.
17:08what is that supposed to mean?
17:10nothing nothing but you do tend to drag it in.
17:14you know you say this tea is nice incidentally my father's a bishop.
17:19Ted that was magnificent. you're the best lover I've ever had.
17:23not that I've had that many because my father's a bishop.
17:26I've never said you're the best lover I've ever had.
17:29no I haven't.
17:31why not?
17:33maybe you're the only lover I've ever had Ted.
17:36you are?
17:38I mean no I'm not surprised.
17:41statistically speaking it's very unusual for a woman to reach your...
17:46I mean no I mean you know I'm great.
17:49don't forget my father's a bishop.
17:56yes I'm sorry if I was a bit edgy.
17:59you know I am.
18:01being reminded of what a... well not exactly a bastard but...
18:06I didn't intend to...
18:10I had no idea I was going to be passionately loved by such a beautiful
18:15sophisticated glamorous virginal goddess.
18:21I sometimes forget how attractive I am.
18:26look mum I must...
18:28Paul's absence from social functions is becoming habitual.
18:32he hates dues. any excuse?
18:35look mum we have had difficulties arising from the lack of mutual faith arising from Paul's lapse with Carrie.
18:40our troubles pale into insignificance compared to floods in Cambodia earthquakes in Armenia and poverty in the shanty towns of El Salvador.
18:47so let's not talk about it.
18:49champagne.
18:51that's a lot.
18:53have you any orange juice Eric?
18:55certainly madam can do no problem here we go.
18:58how's that husband of yours?
19:01fine terrific.
19:03I'll never forget how worried you both were because he felt you hadn't treated me as a social equal.
19:07oh well yes silly.
19:09I said to myself they may have their troubles I said but they'll pull through.
19:13I know.
19:14well you see I have this slight psychic gift.
19:17inherited from a great aunt actually who married a chiropodist from Skegness.
19:21oh stop your...
19:23oh I'm sorry Eric.
19:25oh Eric.
19:26no problem madam.
19:31oh hello Jenny.
19:32I shouldn't have. not today.
19:34Betty.
19:35love.
19:37I'm sorry I missed the service but I couldn't leave her not while she was hallucinating.
19:42hallucinating?
19:43she thought she was Joan of Arc. she might have burnt herself.
19:46Betty.
19:47oh Rodney.
19:49a little decorum if you please.
19:51Asmy Fitz joint managing directors of a major new business.
19:55I would have been earlier and I popped home to change because this dress creases if you travel Rodney.
20:00there's a dreadful soggy wobbly smelly mess on the kitchen table. what is it?
20:04Karen cashew nut roulade.
20:06a treat for tonight for your homecoming.
20:08oh Rodney I'm sorry.
20:10no I knew it had gone wrong. I meant to throw it out.
20:15Betty.
20:16oh hello.
20:18hello Liz.
20:19hello counsellor.
20:22congratulations.
20:24Ted.
20:26Corinna.
20:27Sandra.
20:28tea madam or champagne.
20:30oh well tea first I think please.
20:34oh Eric.
20:36later I might like a drink. do you have any fruit juices?
20:39what?
20:40well I don't touch alcohol. it is a poison. do you have any fruit juices?
20:44oh yes certainly madam. can do. no problem.
20:48well I expect my absence has set you wondering whether Rodney and I'll be the next to be splitting up.
20:54no Betty. good lord no.
20:57you splitting up that's a good one.
20:59that's the best laugh I've had in weeks.
21:01absolutely.
21:09so Simon you're still planning to give up what it would anyway be an exaggeration to call your sex life?
21:14too right. today has confirmed that.
21:17well what's so special about today?
21:19the other godfather's wife was the woman in question.
21:24you mean the pregnant one?
21:26precisely.
21:27oh my god.
21:29exactly.
21:32what exactly went through your mind when you realized that the woman you made pregnant on your one and only foray into the world renowned delights of sexual intercourse was the wife of your fellow godfather?
21:43what do you think went through it you steaming berk?
21:46I thought I'm unfit to undertake the moral welfare of a mature garden slug with psychopathic tendencies let alone an innocent infant boy. I must tell them I can't do it.
21:56ah but you didn't tell them did you?
21:58because what could I say?
22:00I can't go through with this. I'm the twit who got Andrew's wife preggers.
22:04how's things with Carol?
22:06oh great. terrific. couldn't be better.
22:08hello you're old Vincent cock aren't you? I'm Carol fordingbridge your fiance remember me.
22:13Carol! I've got to sit down. last night I strayed.
22:18strayed? what do you mean you strayed?
22:20what do you think I mean?
22:22well not a woman you wouldn't.
22:24oh.
22:25so it must be either alcohol or meat and from the look of you I'd say meat.
22:31steak. rump. rare.
22:34Rodney you're hopeless on your own.
22:36it's because I love you.
22:38I know. it is good to see you back Betty. you two are rocks on our shifting sand Rita. Rodney and I were talking the other day weren't we Rodney?
22:49yes yes we were.
22:51go on tell her.
22:53right. tell her what?
22:55what we were talking about.
22:57oh right.
22:59what were we talking about?
23:01about offering her a job in our health food complex with hopeful vegetarian restaurant.
23:05yes absolutely.
23:07Rita will you come and work for me?
23:09for us? yes absolutely.
23:11quite what I meant. us.
23:13I'd love to.
23:17Carol hello.
23:19hello. you look marvelous.
23:21well thank you very much.
23:23no you really do.
23:25well you just said so.
23:27no what I mean is sometimes one says these things without meaning them. but I do mean it.
23:31you really are very lovely.
23:33Elvis is a very lucky young man.
23:35oh isn't he? isn't he just incredibly lucky?
23:38name the date yes?
23:40no we certainly will never name the sudden date.
23:44oh I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that.
23:46not today.
23:48yes today. all smiles today.
23:50happy day today.
23:52jolly good.
23:56oh Betty.
23:58no doubt Rodney's told you.
24:00can't seem overlooking something so momentous and gratifying for many friends.
24:04but you know Corinna and I are engaged.
24:07oh no Ted.
24:09you didn't.
24:11well congratulations.
24:13what about...
24:15Monty anybody?
24:16well not for me thanks.
24:18no thank you. it's time to move on to something weaker.
24:20thank you Sandra. I'll stick to champagne.
24:22right.
24:24happy day isn't it?
24:26I love children me.
24:28I'd like to have some of me own one day.
24:36so...
24:38how's Chez Edouard coming on?
24:40oh very well. very well indeed.
24:42went out and chose the shade of Dreylon only yesterday.
24:45how about you?
24:47what are you calling your vegetarian emporium?
24:49well it's difficult.
24:51we thought of amusing names like
24:53absolutely nuts
24:55bags of beans.
24:57loads of lentils.
24:59fingers on the pulse.
25:02abandoning humor we tried playing factual ones.
25:06the arbitration road natural food center etc.
25:09in the end we settled on just plain silly tales.
25:11we thought it had a ring to it.
25:13arbitration road. you're moving into arbitration.
25:15what number arbitration road?
25:1782 to 84 if it's any significance.
25:19yes it is of some significance.
25:21Chez Edouard is at number 86.
25:23we're gonna be neighbors.
25:25oh well.
25:27I'd sell up now if I were you.
25:29you're what?
25:31well I mean next door to Chez Edouard's
25:33whole food vegetarian in Yorkshire.
25:35you don't stand a chance.
25:37don't stand a chance to them I bet you.
25:39no chance.
25:41good luck anyway.
25:45he called her mad petal.
25:49I need to lie down.
25:58he's not well. I want to lie him down.
26:01is it all right if we use the bed in the room that the babies are sleeping in?
26:04certainly. it's room 108.
26:06out of the lift. turn right.
26:09something like that I was told. I haven't been there.
26:14Rita's been telling me all about the imminent effect of her election on council policy.
26:18Riverside. yes.
26:20little me Rita Simcox shifting the balance of power single-handed.
26:24so what exactly will be your first big policy?
26:27oh the inner relief ring road.
26:29what about it?
26:31well I think the council would have voted for the inner inner relief ring road.
26:35now thanks to my election we should be able to get the outer inner relief ring road through.
26:39but that's the one that passes near us.
26:41is it?
26:43oh. well the outer road destroys far less property.
26:47so although it's more expensive we've got to go for it.
26:49but there'll be underpasses beneath Crugely Hill and the Oldman Potherbridge Memorial Park.
26:54and the only property it destroys will be one or two houses in Broadlands.
26:58that's where we live Rita.
27:00is it?
27:02oh.
27:03well I suppose it is.
27:05and some old mainly clapped-out property in the Tunstall Road area and the top end of Arbitration Road.
27:10well I hope you won't be affected.
27:12do you Rita?
27:14yes of course I do.
27:16I've always been very fond of Neville.
27:18of course Rita does Liz. she's always been very fond of me.
27:20now let's not argue.
27:22no clouds on the silver linings today. more champagne.
27:34oh bless the little cotton socks.
27:38come and lie down. give me a quick cuddle.
27:46shh everybody. I think I can hear something on the baby alarm.
27:50shush everybody.
27:54rub it gently.
27:56there.
27:58wear it sore.
28:01careful.
28:03I thought you were ill.
28:05oh you're squashing my breasts.
28:07yes well may as well turn it off while there are adults up there.
28:13we don't want to eavesdrop on the unseemly scenes in upstairs rooms do we?
28:30oh see.
28:32disappointed. thought I were talking about another woman.
28:34of course not.
28:36has it ever crossed your mind that when she's a Tadcaster
28:38Aunty Betty might be seeing another man?
28:40it has crossed my mind yes.
28:42once just then when you mentioned it.
28:44of course it hasn't Elvis. we have a perfect marriage.
28:46of course you do.
28:48cynical young puppy.
28:50so Simon are you still planning to give up what it would anyway be an exaggeration to call it a marriage?
28:56so Simon are you still planning to give up what it would anyway be an exaggeration to call it a marriage?
29:01you're too right. today has confirmed that.
29:03what's so special about today?
29:05the other godfather's wife was the woman in question.
29:09you mean the pregnant one precisely.
29:12oh my god.
29:14exactly.
29:16no.
29:18what exactly went through your mind when you realized that the woman you made pregnant on your wedding day
29:24what do you mean?
29:26shh.
29:28wait the little ones.
29:30it wasn't very well so I brought him in to give him a lie down.
29:32what the hell are you up to?
29:34practicing the interviewing technique for my career.
29:36in the toilet?
29:38there's a baby listening device in there.
29:40I didn't want anybody downstairs to hear.
29:42oh my god.
29:44you mean...
29:46wait a minute.
29:48you spoke to me downstairs so full of concern you were using me.
29:51no I wasn't. I was interested.
29:53a chat show host? no use if it doesn't have a genuine interest in people.
29:56chat show host?
30:00I'm gonna have to lie down again.
30:05it's funny us being friends now.
30:07hilarious.
30:09Carol.
30:10I'm right sorry about what I did with Paul Jenny.
30:12Carol it's over.
30:14no it isn't. it's only just begun. you said so yourself.
30:17the miasma of deception drifts across the planes of love and obscures everything that's good.
30:22that sounds like me.
30:24I'll never do anything like that again if I live to be a hundred.
30:27I don't ever want to live to be a hundred.
30:29you and Elvis will be alright.
30:31oh we won't.
30:33he's become ambitious.
30:35he's ashamed of me.
30:37when he comes in the bank he refuses to use my window and I love him.
30:41stupid isn't it?
30:43it is rather.
30:45he looks at me and thinks anybody stupid enough to love him is too stupid for him to love.
30:51what about you and Paul?
30:53I can't talk about it Carol. I might cry.
30:55don't start or I will.
30:57how lovely you look.
30:59two lovely young ladies in love with two fine young brothers.
31:02members of the younger generation making a go of things.
31:05and upstairs sleeping soundly.
31:08two innocent baby boys.
31:10a future generation.
31:12today at least I feel there's hope.
31:14there's a future.
31:16thank you.
31:18sometimes I think I preferred him when he was miserable.
31:22it's going well.
31:24everyone's on their best behavior. it's marvelous.
31:26I wonder what will spoil it.
31:28I'm going to make a speech.
31:30I wonder no longer.
31:32ladies and gentlemen.
31:34ladies and gentlemen.
31:40today is a happy day.
31:42before we come to the cutting of the cake I have an announcement.
31:45will you please drink a toast
31:47to Ted Simcox and Corinna Price-Rogerson
31:50who have announced their engagement.
31:55never.
31:56oh lord.
32:00Sandra.
32:02love.
32:03so you're going to marry your tarty piece.
32:07look up.
32:09I came out here because
32:11I wanted to mend a few bridges if I could.
32:14build a few fences.
32:17to try to...
32:19oh I don't know.
32:21Sandra please don't call her a tarty piece.
32:23father's a bishop.
32:25he may be a bishop.
32:27she may be double-barreled.
32:29but deep down in her heart where it matters
32:31she's a tarty piece.
32:33you never could judge character could you?
32:35no I loved you.
32:38ouch.
32:41Sandra love.
32:43why do you call me love?
32:45you don't love me.
32:47no and you don't love me.
32:49no not now.
32:51no.
32:52you never did love.
32:54we never did.
32:56did we love? we didn't.
32:58we just um...
33:00you know a friendship.
33:02affection.
33:04desire.
33:06lust.
33:07but it were never love love.
33:09it was with me.
33:11oh you sod.
33:13I hate you.
33:15I can't say that I blame you.
33:17but there you are you see. it wasn't love.
33:19it was.
33:22love curdles.
33:24love and hate are two sides of the same coin.
33:27that's what I reckon it wrote.
33:30and I hate you.
33:33yeah well um...
33:36I just wanted to come out here to say that um...
33:40you know I think you're a grand girl.
33:42a right smashing...
33:43you must be an idiot to give me up then.
33:45well maybe I am Sandra. maybe I am.
33:48you know I...
33:50I didn't intend to love.
33:52I didn't want to love.
33:54it's just a...
33:56well it burst upon me.
33:58love love.
34:00did you love her?
34:03yes.
34:05she loved you?
34:07yes.
34:09so...
34:11I just um...
34:13you know I wanted to come out here. I mean embarrassing though it is.
34:16big of you.
34:17yes.
34:18so I wanted to say that um...
34:21I'll never forget you.
34:24you know you gave me something wonderful at a time of love.
34:27I warmed you up for her.
34:30just cause I haven't got a double-barreled name and money.
34:34and I keep dropping things which I only do when you're around.
34:38yes well...
34:40there you are you see.
34:42sit love. it's best we're apartment ain't it eh?
34:46yeah well thank you.
34:48I expressed a desire to see the kitchens of a great hotel and you're very efficient, helpful.
34:53waitress kindly obliged.
34:55yes this is Ted Simcox Mr. O'Mara.
34:58Mr. O'Mara the duty manager.
35:02these are the main ovens which can cook enough roast to serve 250 portions of meat at a sitting.
35:10which we often do being known for our function.
35:13why the tears?
35:15I'm that proud Mr. O'Mara.
35:17what?
35:18of the hotel, of the kitchens.
35:21it's that clean, that gleaming, that well kept.
35:25I thought of when it's full and smoky and all the orders and all the cooking and all the satisfied customers and how we cope.
35:34and I felt right proud Mr. O'Mara.
35:37that's wonderful Sandra.
35:3917 years in hotels Mr. Simcox.
35:42given my life to the group.
35:44passed over for assistant manager five times.
35:47outsiders brought in over my head.
35:49wondering am I wasting my time?
35:53but here's my answer.
35:55this is what makes it all worthwhile.
35:58thank you Sandra.
36:03sorry.
36:04thank you Mr. O'Mara.
36:07this is the toast making machine.
36:10which at big breakfast times can handle over 400 slices an hour.
36:18Sandra that was clever.
36:20that was really brilliant.
36:29Sandra I'm sorry.
36:40so how you feeling now you're engaged then Ada?
36:43oh very very I'm very happy and delighted.
36:46how do you feel about about me?
36:49what is this panorama?
36:51just your son showing an interest in his father dad.
36:55do you regret what happened with Liz?
36:57yes of course I do.
36:59I also regret that things didn't work out with your mother.
37:02bitterly regret it of course I do.
37:05I better go to Corinna she's bound to be upset.
37:08she doesn't look upset.
37:10oh Elvis you know nothing about women.
37:16oh I'm sorry about that.
37:18are you upset my petal?
37:20of course not.
37:21it's perfectly understandable.
37:23you wanted to try to help her retain some shreds of dignity.
37:29you are an amazingly understanding woman.
37:32my father's a bishop.
37:34I know.
37:39sir madam.
37:41champagne to celebrate your engagement.
37:43oh yes that's um...
37:45oh that's very um...
37:47oh it's extremely...
37:49thank you thank you Sandra.
37:50thank you very much Sandra.
38:00don't drink much of this.
38:01oh I love champagne.
38:03you're amazing.
38:05you don't seem jealous of Sandra at all.
38:07why should I be? it's over.
38:10I can tell that from the way you constantly cosset me.
38:14I might feel very much less secure if you stopped cosseting me.
38:21we'll leave soon.
38:23I'm gonna take you home.
38:25and I'm gonna cosset you like the clumpers.
38:28everybody's happy.
38:30isn't it wonderful?
38:31happy day.
38:34Jenny's very upset about Paul.
38:36Carol's very upset about Elvis.
38:38Ted's very upset about Sandra and Sandra's very upset about Corinna.
38:41Rodney and Betty are rather shocked to find that their health food complex is next door to Che's Edward.
38:46Simon is dreadfully scared about something and I'm very upset
38:49that Rita's election will push through the outer inner relief ring road.
38:52apart from that, as far as I know,
38:55people are ecstatic.
38:59will you please speak to Rita now?
39:02of course. leave it to me.
39:05what about?
39:06the outer inner relief ring road.
39:08well, what can I...
39:10yes, all right. I'll have a word sometime.
39:12now.
39:13now? now.
39:14now.
39:15Jenny.
39:16would you sometime consider working for me?
39:18us?
39:19yes, absolutely.
39:20slip of the tongue, old Abbey's dyad.
39:22us.
39:23well, thank you. terrific.
39:26Rita'll be working for us too?
39:28terrific.
39:30it's all very exciting, isn't it?
39:32I feel...
39:34very excited.
39:48hello Neville.
39:50hello Rita.
39:52Liz is a little...
39:54not worried, a little...
39:56concerned.
39:58and she's asked me to ask you.
40:01so here I am.
40:03if this isn't a good time, please forget it.
40:05please forget what?
40:06the outer inner relief ring road.
40:09ah.
40:10I wouldn't dream of asking you to try to get us any special dispensation.
40:14to attempt to change the route in any way.
40:16I know you wouldn't.
40:17well, you couldn't.
40:19I understand that.
40:21so what are you asking?
40:26well, I'm glad we've had this little chat, Rita.
40:28are you?
40:30good lord.
40:33good lord.
40:48well?
40:49I put her points very forcibly.
40:51good. well done.
40:52if obliquely.
40:53what?
40:54sometimes in politics one needs to be oblique.
40:56I left her in no doubt of what we were asking.
40:58and?
40:59she made no definite promises.
41:00she's too much of an old hand for that.
41:02and she's only been elected two days.
41:04you should have twisted her around your little finger.
41:06yes, well, as Bing Crosby once said, I did it my way.
41:08and although she didn't say anything, I have no doubt what Rita will do.
41:14do you know that you've given me back something I thought I'd lost forever?
41:18status.
41:19I thought you meant love.
41:21hmm?
41:22oh, well, that too, of course. I mean, especially that, my bettle.
41:25but also status and reputation.
41:28because, you know, there's a lot of people in this town who thought I was a berk.
41:33I find that hard to believe.
41:35oh, no, it's hardly credible, but it's true.
41:38anyway, the last laugh's on them, eh?
41:40restauranteur marrying a bishop's daughter.
41:44more champagne?
41:45how lovely.
41:48yes, thank you, thank you very much. thank you, thank you, Sandra.
41:50yes, thank you.
41:53where was I?
41:54having the last laugh.
41:55oh!
41:56is that why you're marrying me?
41:57hmm?
41:58no, no, no.
41:59no, no, no, of course not.
42:01of course, it's a very, very enjoyable by-product, isn't it?
42:06are you drunk?
42:07drunk?
42:08oh, no, of course not.
42:09on this, on champagne, on French next piss.
42:14sorry.
42:15sorry.
42:18sorry, I was...
42:20I haven't had much, have I?
42:21not much, much.
42:23I mean, if at all much, I mean...
42:24I mean, if that, really.
42:27I do feel a bit odd, though, don't I?
42:30oh, it's odd that I should feel odd, why?
42:32why should I feel odd?
42:33because normally, I don't feel odd.
42:35normally, I feel absolutely normal.
42:37God, I am, you know.
42:38I'm drunk, I'm absolutely...
42:40oh, how...
42:42oh, how the heck can I be...
42:45oh, there's vodka in this.
42:47it's fog, it's fog.
42:48that's Sandra.
42:49that's Sandra.
42:50come on, let's go and sit down.
42:51that's all right.
42:52this way, come on, over here.
42:54come on, let's sit.
42:55hello, Jenny.
42:56do you know what I said as I left the church?
42:58no.
42:59I'll be seeing you.
43:00what?
43:01joke.
43:02the aisle's the side of the church, so I said, I'll be seeing you.
43:06ah.
43:07bit of a knave, aren't I?
43:09oh.
43:10aren't you fond of my jokes?
43:11are they an apse of taste?
43:13what?
43:14you look sad, I'm cheering you up.
43:16oh.
43:18thanks, Andrew.
43:19terrific.
43:20not interrupting, am I?
43:21yes, terrific.
43:22goodbye, Andrew.
43:34how are things really between you and Paul, Jenny?
43:38not very good.
43:39we're having terrible rows.
43:42would you mind telling me what your row this morning was about?
43:45on the surface, it was about boiled eggs.
43:48mm-hmm.
43:50what was it about, under the surface?
43:53trust.
43:55you what?
43:56well, I'm finding it hard to trust him after what he did with...
43:59well, he says I'm not trying to trust him.
44:02and when all that's going on under the surface, we're arguing about boiled eggs.
44:06I'm crying.
44:07Thomas is upset because he's very sensitive and...
44:10oh, Elvis.
44:12how's the interviewing technique coming on, Elvis?
44:14Rodney, belt up.
44:15have I said something wrong?
44:16what does he mean, interviewing technique?
44:18no, I've said something wrong.
44:19nothing, Jenny.
44:20absolutely nothing.
44:21go on, tell her.
44:22I've done nothing I'm ashamed of.
44:23well, he wasn't feeling very well, so I took him upstairs to lay him down.
44:26yes, we heard.
44:27oh, lord, did you?
44:28we heard voices coming from the toilet.
44:29Elvis was playing back conversations in recording of me and Simon.
44:32hello, Simon.
44:33with me?
44:34you bastard.
44:36you swine.
44:37and you listened?
44:38well, we couldn't help it.
44:39we tried not to.
44:40you swine, Elvis.
44:41I've done nothing I'm ashamed of.
44:44broadcasting to the stilettos that I got my fellow godfather's wife pregnant,
44:47and you're not ashamed?
44:49what?
44:50Simon.
44:52Judy.
44:54oh, Andrew.
44:55I love you, Andrew, I do.
45:03oh, my god.
45:04I didn't know anybody were listening.
45:06nor did I.
45:08oh.
45:12shut up.
45:15so you're questioning off me, Elvis, all that concern.
45:18it was genuine.
45:19it has to be an interview in people.
45:21I mean, you don't use people.
45:22I didn't know it was an interview.
45:24you used me.
45:25you used the collapse of my marriage.
45:27collapse?
45:28oh, we're splitting up.
45:32oh, lord.
45:34I didn't mean to tell you.
45:35not today.
45:38it's amicable.
45:41quite happy, really.
45:43not at all sad.
45:46sorry.
45:48oh, Jenny.
45:51oh, Elvis.
45:52oh, Elvis.
46:01no, Sandra.
46:02Sandra.
46:03Sandra.
46:04you've been spiking my drink.
46:06yeah, because I hate you.
46:08I wanted her to see you drunk and pathetic.
46:11she has.
46:12I'm glad.
46:13Sandra.
46:14now, leave this to me, sir.
46:15it's all in hand.
46:16everything is tickety-boo.
46:17oh, shut up, Eric.
46:19oh, lord.
46:20why did you have to come here any route?
46:23following me, haunting me, taunting me?
46:26Sandra, I wasn't.
46:27course you were.
46:28why else would you come here?
46:30because they are christening my baby.
46:35oh, lord.
46:36Kate.
46:38oh, Eric.
46:39oh, sorry.
46:41sorry, I didn't mean...
46:43no, I mean, it was just a joke.
46:45you know, it was really just...
46:48come on.
46:49don't have you off the premises.
46:50man of your age can't hold your drink.
46:52I'm all right.
46:53let me go.
46:59leave it to us.
47:00we're the experts.
47:01up we go.
47:02nice and quiet.
47:03I'm sorry, everyone.
47:04sorry I lied my whole day.
47:06I forgive you.
47:07many wouldn't.
47:08what a woman for one day you are.
47:12goodbye.
47:13thank you very much for inviting us.
47:15we've had a simply marvellous time.
47:20oh, Jenny.
47:21now, come on.
47:22come on, come on.
47:23there, there, there.
47:26it wasn't amicable.
47:28we had a terrible round sped up today.
47:33oh, lord, I shouldn't have told you not to tell.
47:36yes, you should.
47:38oh, Jenny.
47:40how could he?
47:42it's my fault as well.
47:44there's always two sides.
47:46I expected too much of a marriage despite my father.
47:50oh, Jenny.
47:52oh, Paul's got no idea how to treat a woman.
47:55just like his brother.
47:57Mum, leave this to me.
47:59please.
48:02Jenny, love, I do, I do care.
48:04I wasn't trying to use you.
48:06I didn't.
48:07he's hopeless.
48:09oh, Elvis.
48:11oh, Paul.
48:13oh, Jenny.
48:14just like his bloody brother.
48:16oh, Carol.
48:20oh, lord.
48:22where did we go wrong with him?
48:25was it all my fault?
48:27and here's me going into politics trying to change the world.
48:31no, you mustn't give up.
48:32you must change the world.
48:34somebody must.
48:36oh, Carol.
48:45oh, lord.
48:46I must go to...
48:48somebody.
48:49what about me?
48:51are you upset?
48:52of course not.
48:54I'm having a simply wonderful afternoon.
48:56shh.
48:57shh.
48:58I think I can hear the babies.
49:00shush, everybody.
49:02shh.
49:03they learn so quickly, don't they?
49:33hey.
49:34hey.
49:35hey.
49:36hey.
49:37hey.
49:38hey.
49:39hey.
49:40hey.
49:41hey.
49:42hey.
49:43hey.
49:44hey.
49:45hey.
49:46hey.
49:47hey.
49:48hey.
49:49hey.
49:50hey.
49:51hey.
49:52hey.
49:53hey.
49:54hey.
49:55hey.
49:56hey.
49:57hey.
49:58hey.
49:59hey.
50:00hey.
50:01hey.
50:02hey.
50:03hey.
50:04hey.
50:05hey.
50:06hey.
50:07hey.
50:08hey.
50:09hey.
50:10hey.
50:11hey.
50:12hey.
50:13hey.
50:14hey.
50:15hey.
50:16hey.
50:17hey.
50:18hey.
50:19hey.
50:20hey.
50:21hey.
50:22hey.
50:23hey.
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50:25hey.
50:26hey.
50:27hey.
50:28hey.
50:29hey.
50:30hey.