A Bit Of A Do S02E02 The Christening
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00:00I'd have loved to, Duncan, but I've got a bit of a do on... a christening.
00:12Well I do, really.
00:13I'm the... he's my son.
00:14A bit of a do.
00:15A bit of a do.
00:16Smiling faces in public places, trying to hide your problems from your friends and relations.
00:35A bit of a do.
00:36Invited to a bit of a do.
00:37It's a small town, posh, nosh, affair, best behavior, being aware of others who are doing
00:51it too.
00:52Others who are seeing through you.
00:53A bit of a do.
00:54All tickety-boo.
00:55New dimension.
00:56A bit of a do.
00:57A bit of a do.
00:58Invited to a bit of a do.
01:11A bit of a do.
01:17A bit of a do.
01:24Hasn't he grown?
01:25we suddenly realized if we didn't have the christening soon he'd be walking.
01:29Neville's terribly proud of me.
01:31almost as if.
01:35quite.
01:36incidentally congratulations councillor.
01:38thank you very much.
01:40who'd have thought?
01:42when I was a downtrodden neurotic housewife
01:45that within two weeks I'd have swept onto the council with five votes after four recounts.
01:50well not exactly no but...
01:52who would have?
01:55well it's a small majority but it's a vital moment in our town's history.
01:58what?
02:00it changes the balance of the council.
02:02this town is now labor-controlled.
02:04exciting isn't it?
02:06I hope you don't intend to talk politics today.
02:08oh have you heard from Jerry?
02:10did he enjoy his honeymoon on his own?
02:12yes.
02:14oh I don't think these things should be swept under the carpet Neville.
02:16they'll hang over us forever.
02:18oh you put your carpets on the ceiling do you?
02:20you know what I mean.
02:22I mention it purely in order to exorcise the freedom.
02:24not to be nasty.
02:26I think I choose to believe you.
02:28well I understand Jerry had quite a good God.
02:30Ted!
02:32have you invited him?
02:34is he really?
02:36yes well I...
02:38oh congratulations.
02:40thank you.
02:42thank you.
02:44thank you.
02:46thank you.
02:48oh congratulations councillor.
02:50thank you very much.
02:52I'll be new to Thorpe.
02:54quite.
02:56really Ted.
02:58turn it up today.
03:02tackless Ted.
03:04you once said you liked me because I was tackless and uncouth.
03:08I hardly think we need to mention that.
03:10I of all people have a right to be here.
03:14the baby...
03:16the baby is mine.
03:18no no Ted.
03:20no no.
03:22you're his father. he isn't yours.
03:24he isn't anybody's. he's himself.
03:26circumstances have meant that it's my duty
03:28and my great privilege
03:30to look after him till he's old enough to look after himself.
03:32well said.
03:34yes.
03:36marvellous.
03:38I wish you both didn't sound so surprised.
03:40well I care about the boy.
03:42I want to witness the church service at least.
03:44it's all right.
03:46don't worry.
03:48I'll give nobody any reason to suspect the truth.
03:52you know what?
03:54I'm capable of being civilized and discreet.
03:58look I'm hardly likely to create a scene in front of my...
04:02in front of my fiancé.
04:04well all right Ted.
04:06but if you do...
04:08your fiancé...
04:10your fiancé?
04:12you're not marrying your waitress.
04:14no Liz.
04:16nothing as disturbing to your social nostrils as
04:18that.
04:20I'm marrying Corinna Price.
04:22oh Ted.
04:24thank you Rita.
04:26congratulations Corinna.
04:28yes congratulations.
04:30thank you.
04:32congratulations to you too counsellor.
04:36hello.
04:38Ted.
04:40you met Corinna my fiancé.
04:42yes we've um...
04:44fiancé.
04:46good god.
04:48I mean...
04:50good god is
04:52certainly giving us something to celebrate today.
04:54fiancé.
04:56I heard that.
04:58congratulations.
05:00hello all.
05:02it's quite a warm day.
05:04won't need the heating.
05:06because we don't want it to be a baptism of fire.
05:10joke.
05:12you remember my nephew do you Simon?
05:14yes I...
05:16I...
05:18yes.
05:20you know my wife Judy.
05:22nine months pregnant still waiting.
05:24yes I...
05:26I showed her around.
05:30house.
05:32it was a house Simon.
05:34yes.
05:36absolutely. a house.
05:40hello everybody.
05:42well.
05:44what a happy day.
05:46where's Paul?
05:48we had a terrible row this morning. he's refusing to speak to me and he wouldn't come.
05:50oh lord.
05:52I was gonna say
05:54he had this mystery virus but I couldn't lie.
05:56but I should have lied.
05:58I mean I shouldn't have told you. I shouldn't have spoiled things.
06:00not today.
06:04do you repent of your sins?
06:06I repent of my sins.
06:08do you renounce evil?
06:10I renounce evil.
06:16we will now sing hymn number 264.
06:18omitting verses four and five.
06:20hymn number 264
06:40Rodney's on his own again.
06:42I hope nothing's wrong.
06:50hymn number 264
06:54concentrate on these young lives.
06:58forget your own troubles.
07:02pretend you believe.
07:04and pray.
07:16Rodney's on his own again.
07:18don't say this but you know.
07:32oh lord.
07:34make the whole world happy.
07:38get rid of poverty and disease.
07:40and make Elvis love me.
07:48hymn number 264
07:54Rodney looks awful.
07:56don't say he's got marital problems.
07:58hymn number 264
08:12I wish it could make me well.
08:14but I deserve it.
08:18I'll stray, lord.
08:30Jocelyn Neville Selwyn.
08:32I baptize you in the name of the father.
08:36and of the son.
08:38and of the holy spirit.
08:40amen.
08:42Jocelyn Neville Selwyn.
08:44Jocelyn Neville Selwyn.
08:48my son is going to be known to the world
08:50as Jocelyn
08:52Neville
08:54Selwyn
08:56Badger.
09:06he looks very like you mr. Badger.
09:08I find that extraordinary.
09:10yes I...
09:12yes I find it pretty extraordinary myself.
09:14so many people take these things for granted.
09:16but the seed.
09:18the tiny seed growing into a person
09:20that resembles its parents.
09:22every time I see it I think this is a miracle.
09:24in this case it certainly is.
09:32I bet you didn't make it then.
09:34no. she weren't open so much.
09:38excuse me.
09:40oh dear.
09:42oh dear.
09:44all right Rodney.
09:46yes.
09:48grand. just grand.
09:50right good.
09:52oh you know
09:54Corinna my fiance.
09:56your fiance?
09:58well whatever happened to
10:00to the famous
10:02British reserve. our native shiner city
10:04got engaged so quickly.
10:06love brooks no frontiers Rodney.
10:08you what?
10:10love breaks down barriers.
10:12Betty away again?
10:14yes she's...
10:18excuse me.
10:20I've sinned and I'm reaping the whirlwind.
10:26oh dear.
10:28oh lord.
10:30oh heck.
10:32stop looking so worried Neville.
10:34you'll be all right with these god damned things.
10:36no I was thinking
10:38it'll look a bit suspicious if we don't invite
10:40Ted and Corinna back now that they're here.
10:42and they have just announced their engagement.
10:44it'll look a bit graceless.
10:46oh Neville. today of all days
10:48I would like to be free of memories of Ted.
10:50he'll be discreet.
10:52he's with his fiance whose father is a bishop.
10:54oh.
10:56I suppose that means she's so socially acceptable we must ask.
10:58no of course not.
11:00I think that accepting as we must
11:02that your son, our son
11:04is in reality
11:06the product of Ted's...
11:08spermatozoon?
11:10yes.
11:12well yes in a way.
11:14it would be a Christian gesture on a Christian
11:16day to invite Ted
11:18to wet the baby's head.
11:22well we'll just
11:24slip quietly away so
11:26we'll just wish you good luck.
11:28no no no Ted.
11:30no need.
11:32we...
11:34I'd very much like it if you came to the...
11:36I thought it was family only.
11:38Ted is very much
11:40family Corinna. in a way.
11:42Liz is referring
11:44to the fact that our two families are linked
11:46by wedlock darling.
11:48well yes that's what I assume she meant.
11:50what else could she have meant?
11:52well what else? exactly.
11:54well nothing else precisely.
11:56my point exactly.
11:58well we'd love to come.
12:00the junketings.
12:02la maison de la badgers.
12:04no Ted the angel.
12:06oh the good old sir Leonard Hutton room again eh?
12:08well no we've booked a smaller room.
12:10the Jeffrey boycott room.
12:14does look a bit like his father doesn't he?
12:16let's hope our baby
12:18doesn't look like his father eh?
12:20what?
12:22because they've got an ugly mug.
12:24joke!
12:26ah.
12:28yes.
12:30joke.
12:32right.
12:38auntie Betty's been away quite a lot lately
12:40hasn't she uncle Rodney?
12:42yes she's having to look after an elderly aunt.
12:44she's a tab caster more often than she's home these days.
12:46are you all right?
12:48no.
12:50last night I succumbed to temptation.
12:52I'm reaping the whirlwind.
12:54what temptation exactly did you succumb to?
12:56meat.
12:58you what?
13:00rump steak. rare. bloody marvellous.
13:02bloody marvellous.
13:04now I've got the gripes.
13:06oh I see.
13:08disappointed? thought I was talking about another woman.
13:10no of course not.
13:12has it ever crossed your mind
13:14that while she's in tab caster
13:16auntie Betty might be seeing another man?
13:18it has crossed my mind yes.
13:20once just then when you mentioned it.
13:22of course it hasn't Elvis.
13:24of course you do.
13:26there you go madam. just the job.
13:28tickety boo. thank you Eric.
13:30so how are you faring Rita?
13:32in what way? well in life.
13:34at home. the evenings the nights
13:36without... Neville.
13:38without what?
13:40Jerry? any man?
13:42sex? no.
13:44well yes. Neville.
13:46I'm faring very well.
13:48I'm not the sort of woman who feels
13:50incomplete without a man.
13:52is that a dig at me?
13:54good heavens no Liz.
13:56no. we're friends now.
13:58ah.
14:00subject closed. feminist speech is over.
14:04I just hate the idea
14:06that without marriage men are fine
14:08and women aren't.
14:10I mean from time immemorial men have managed
14:12to put forward this idea that bachelors are
14:14admirable and spinsters are pathetic.
14:16as if marriage was an institution
14:18for the benefit of women when quite clearly
14:20it's almost entirely for the benefit of men.
14:22sorry.
14:24I see Cordroy's
14:26staging a revival. what?
14:28I read somewhere that Cordroy's making
14:30a fight back.
14:32I was steering us into safer waters.
14:34sorry. no.
14:36you're absolutely right.
14:38let's try and do without ructions
14:40of any kind. just this once.
14:42sorry about that. it's all right.
14:44Sandra! oh lord. what's wrong?
14:46you'll see.
14:48please see.
14:50oh heck.
14:52oh that's torn it.
14:54come on Corinna let's leave.
14:56I mean it's best it is isn't it?
14:58I don't want to leave Ted.
15:00I enjoy champagne and I'm not frightened
15:02of a waitress. my father is a bishop.
15:06Ted, Corinna.
15:08tea or champagne? oh champagne for me please.
15:10there you go madam.
15:12no problem. just the job. thank you.
15:14I'll just have tea. I've got a mouth
15:16like an elephant's mouth.
15:24do you take sugar sir?
15:26you know what?
15:28just two please.
15:34nice to see you again sir.
15:36I haven't...
15:38we haven't seen you around lately.
15:40no. no I've been um...
15:42you know I've been um...
15:44tied up.
15:46I know how these things happen sir.
15:48they put the babes in room 108.
15:50babes what? well that's hardly appropriate.
15:52that's the room he was
15:54put in last time.
15:56well they say they use that room as a kind of spare
15:58because it's next to the boiler so it's noisy at night.
16:00what last time?
16:02I didn't realize it had
16:04ever really gone away.
16:06corduroy.
16:10come and have a look at the picture of the great man
16:12darling. our Jeff.
16:18what last time?
16:20excuse me.
16:22mum he's never been to the hotel room before.
16:26were you going to say that's the room
16:28he was conceived in?
16:30was he conceived at my wedding reception?
16:32I'm afraid so.
16:34I was so overjoyed
16:36at your marrying your road sweeper I'm afraid
16:38I got carried away.
16:40oh my god.
16:42no wonder our marriage is going wrong.
16:44oh lord I shouldn't have said that.
16:46not today.
16:54your waitress showed a bit of style there.
16:56surprised?
16:58stereotype thinking Corinna. that's a very glib
17:00social judgment is that?
17:02I do not make glib social judgments Ted.
17:04I was brought up not to.
17:06don't forget my father is a bishop.
17:08well what is that supposed to mean?
17:10nothing nothing
17:12but you do tend to drag it in.
17:14you know you say this tea's nice
17:16incidentally my father's a bishop.
17:18or Ted that was
17:20magnificent. you're the best lover I've ever
17:22had. not that I've had that many
17:24because my father's a bishop.
17:26I've never said you're the best lover I've ever had.
17:30no you haven't.
17:32why not?
17:34maybe you're the only lover I've ever had Ted.
17:36you are?
17:38I mean no I'm not
17:40surprised.
17:42statistically speaking it's very unusual
17:44for a woman to reach your
17:46I mean
17:48you know I'm great.
17:50don't forget my father's a bishop.
17:56yes
17:58I'm sorry if I was a bit edgy
18:00I want to see you
18:02being reminded of what
18:04I'm not exactly a bastard but
18:06I didn't intend to
18:10I had no idea
18:12I was going to be passionately loved by such a
18:14beautiful sophisticated
18:16glamorous
18:18virginal goddess.
18:20I sometimes
18:22forget how attractive I am.
18:26look mum I must
18:28Paul's absence from social functions
18:30is becoming habitual.
18:32he hates dues. any excuse?
18:34look mum we have
18:36had difficulties arising from the lack of mutual
18:38faith arising from Paul's lapse with Carrie.
18:40but our troubles pan into insignificance
18:42compared to floods in Cambodia
18:44earthquakes in Armenia and poverty in the shanty
18:46towns of El Salvador. so let's not talk about it.
18:50champagne
18:52that's a lot. have you any orange juice Eric?
18:54certainly madam. can do no problem.
18:56here we go.
18:58oh how's that husband of yours?
19:00fine terrific.
19:02oh I'll never forget how worried you both were
19:04because he felt the aunt treated me as a
19:06social equal. oh well yes silly.
19:08I said to myself they may have their
19:10troubles I said but they'll pull through.
19:12I know.
19:14well you see I have this slight psychic
19:16gift inherited from a great
19:18aunt actually who married a
19:20from Skegness. oh stop your
19:22oh I'm sorry Eric.
19:24oh Eric.
19:26no problem madam.
19:30oh hello Jenny.
19:32I shouldn't have. not today.
19:34Betty. love.
19:36I'm sorry
19:38I missed the service but I couldn't leave
19:40her not while she was hallucinating.
19:42hallucinating? she thought she was Jonah
19:44she might have burnt herself.
19:46Betty.
19:48Rodney.
19:50a little decorum if you please.
19:52as with its joint managing directors of a
19:54major new business.
19:56I would have been earlier and I popped home to
19:58because this dress creaks as if you travel Rodney.
20:00there's a dreadful soggy wobbly
20:02smelly mess on the kitchen table. what is it?
20:04carrot and cashew nut roulade.
20:06a treat for tonight for your homecoming.
20:08oh Rodney I'm sorry.
20:10no I knew it
20:12had gone wrong. I meant to throw it out.
20:16Betty. oh hello.
20:18hello Liz.
20:20hello counsellor.
20:22congratulations.
20:24Ted.
20:26Corinne.
20:28Sandra. tea madam or champagne?
20:30oh well
20:32tea first I think please.
20:34oh Eric.
20:36later I might like a drink.
20:38do you have any fruit juices?
20:40what?
20:42well don't touch alcohol. it is a poison.
20:44do you have any fruit juices?
20:46oh yes certainly madam. can do no problem.
20:48well
20:50I expect my absence has set you wondering
20:52whether Rodney and I'll be the next to be splitting up.
20:54no Betty.
20:56good lord no.
20:58you splitting up that's a good one.
21:00that's the best laugh I've had in weeks.
21:02absolutely.
21:10so Simon you're still planning to give up what
21:12it would anyway be an exaggeration to call your
21:14sex life? too right.
21:16today has confirmed that.
21:18what's so special about today?
21:20the other godfather's wife
21:22is the woman in question.
21:24you mean the pregnant one?
21:26precisely.
21:28oh my god.
21:30exactly.
21:32what exactly went
21:34through your mind when you realized that the
21:36woman you made pregnant on your one and only
21:38foray into the world renowned delights of sexual
21:40intercourse was the wife of your fellow
21:42godfather? what do you think went through
21:44it you steaming berk?
21:46I thought I'm unfit to
21:48undertake the moral welfare of a mature
21:50garden slug with psychopathic tendencies
21:52let alone an innocent infant boy.
21:54I must tell them I can't do it.
21:56ah but you didn't tell them did you?
21:58because what could I say?
22:00I can't go through with this. I'm the twit
22:02who got Andrew's wife preggers.
22:04how's things with Carol?
22:06oh great. terrific. couldn't be better.
22:08hello. you're Elvis Simcock aren't you?
22:10I'm Carol Fordingbridge your fiancé.
22:12remember me. Carol!
22:14I've got to sit down.
22:16last night I strayed.
22:18strayed? what do you mean you strayed?
22:20what do you think I mean?
22:22well not a woman you wouldn't.
22:24ah.
22:26so it must be either alcohol or meat.
22:28and from the look of you I'd say meat.
22:30steak.
22:32rump. rare.
22:34Rodney you're hopeless on your own.
22:36it's because I love you.
22:38I know.
22:40it is good to see you back Betty.
22:42you two are rocks on our
22:44shifting sandals Rita.
22:46Rodney and I were talking the other day
22:48weren't we Rodney? yes yes we were.
22:50go on
22:52tell her. right.
22:54tell her what?
22:56what we were talking about.
22:58oh right.
23:00what were we talking about?
23:02about offering her a job in our health food complex
23:04with hopeful vegetarian restaurants.
23:06yes absolutely.
23:08Rita will you come and work for me? for us?
23:10yes absolutely. quite what I meant.
23:12us. I'd love to.
23:14poor Rita.
23:16Carol
23:18hello. hello.
23:20you look marvelous.
23:22well thank you very much.
23:24no you really do. well
23:26you just said so. no what I mean is
23:28sometimes one says these things without meaning them.
23:30but I do mean it. you really are
23:32very lovely. Elvis is
23:34a very lucky young man. oh isn't he?
23:36isn't he just incredibly lucky?
23:38name the date yes?
23:40no we suddenly will have a name the sudden date.
23:44oh I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.
23:46not today. no scenes
23:48today. all smiles today.
23:50happy day today.
23:52jolly good.
23:56well Betty
23:58no doubt Rodney's told you.
24:00can't seem overlooking something so momentous
24:02and gratifying for many friends.
24:04but you know Corinna and I are
24:06engaged. oh
24:08no Ted.
24:10well congratulations.
24:12well thank you.
24:14more tea anybody?
24:16no not for me thanks.
24:18it's time to move on to something weaker.
24:20thank you Sandra. I'll stick to champagne.
24:22right.
24:24happy day isn't it?
24:26I love children me.
24:28I'd like to have some of me own one day.
24:36so
24:38how's Chez Edouard coming on?
24:40oh very well. very well indeed.
24:42went out and chose the shade of Draylon
24:44only yesterday.
24:46how about you? what are you calling your
24:48vegetarian emporium?
24:50well it's difficult.
24:52we thought of amusing names like
24:54absolutely nuts
24:56bags of beans
24:58fingers on the pulse
25:02abandoning humour
25:04we tried playing factual ones
25:06the arbitration road natural food centre
25:08etc. in the end we settled on
25:10just plain silicone. we thought it had
25:12a ring to it. arbitration road
25:14you're moving into arbitration
25:16what number arbitration road? 82 to 84
25:18if it's any significance. yes it is of some
25:20significance.
25:22Chez Edouard is at number 86
25:24and we're going to be neighbours. oh well.
25:26well
25:28I'd sell up now if I were you. you're what?
25:30well I mean you know
25:32next door to Chez Edouard
25:34whole food vegetarian in Yorkshire
25:36well you don't stand a chance.
25:38I don't stand a chance to the mad petal. no chance
25:40no
25:42good luck anyway
25:46he called her mad petal
25:50I need to lie down
25:58he's not well. I want to
26:00lie him down. is it all right if we
26:02use the bed in the room that the babies are sleeping in?
26:04certainly. it's room 108
26:06out of the lift. turn right
26:08third on... something like that
26:10I was told. I haven't been there
26:14Rita's been telling me all about the
26:16imminent effect of her election on council policy
26:18Riverside. yes
26:20little me Rita Simcox
26:22shifting the balance of power single handed
26:24so what exactly will be
26:26your first big policy?
26:28oh the inner relief ring road
26:30what about it?
26:32I think the council would have voted for the inner inner
26:34relief ring road but now thanks to my
26:36election we should be able to get the outer
26:38inner relief ring road through. but that's
26:40the one that passes near us
26:42is it?
26:44oh well the outer road destroys
26:46far less property so although it's more
26:48expensive we've got to go for it.
26:50there'll be underpasses beneath Crugely Hill
26:52and the Alderman Potherbridge Memorial Park
26:54and the only property it destroys will be one or two
26:56houses in Broadlands
26:58that's where we live Rita
27:00is it?
27:02oh well
27:04I suppose it is. and some old
27:06mainly clapped out property in the Tunstall
27:08Road area and the top end of Arbitration Road
27:10well I hope you won't be affected
27:12do you Rita?
27:14well yes of course I do
27:16I've always been very fond of Neville
27:18well of course Rita does Liz. she's always been
27:20very fond of me. now let's not argue
27:22no clouds on the silver linings today
27:24more champagne
27:30oh
27:34oh bless
27:36the little cotton socks
27:38come and lie down
27:40give me a quick cuddle
27:46shh everybody I think I can hear something
27:48on the baby alarm
27:50shush everybody
27:54oh rub it gently
27:56there
27:58well it's sore
28:08yes well may as well
28:10turn it off while there are adults up there
28:12that's right
28:14we don't want to eavesdrop on the unseemly
28:16scenes in upstairs rooms
28:18do we
28:28what temptation is that
28:34bloody marvellous
28:36now that the crime's over see
28:38disappointed her how we're talking about another woman
28:40course not
28:42has it ever crossed your mind that when she's a
28:44Tadcaster Aunty Betty might be seeing
28:46another man? it has across my mind
28:48yes
28:50once just then when you mentioned it of course it has Delvers
28:52we have a perfect marriage
28:54of course you do
28:56so Simon are you still planning to
28:58give up what it would anyway be an exaggeration
29:00to call your sex life? you're too right
29:02today has confirmed that
29:04what's so special about today?
29:06the other godfather's wife
29:08was the woman in question
29:10you mean the pregnant one precisely
29:12oh my god
29:14exactly
29:16no
29:18what exactly went through
29:20your mind when you realised that the woman
29:22you made pregnant on your wedding day
29:24what the hell
29:26shh
29:28wait the little ones
29:30it wasn't very well so I brought him in to give him a lie down
29:32what the hell are you up to
29:34practicing the interviewing technique for my career
29:36in the toilet
29:38there's a baby listening device in there
29:40I didn't want anybody downstairs to hear
29:42oh my god
29:44you mean
29:46wait a minute
29:48you spoke to me downstairs so full of concern
29:50you were using me
29:52interested
29:54a chat show host no use if it doesn't have a genuine interest in people
29:56chat show host
30:00I'm going to have to lie down again
30:06it's funny us being friends now
30:08hilarious
30:10I'm right sorry about what I did with Paul Jenny
30:12Carol it's over
30:14no it isn't it's only just begun
30:16you said so yourself
30:18the miasma of deception drifts across the plains of love
30:20and obscures everything that's good
30:22that sounds like me
30:24I'll never do anything like that again if I live to be a hundred
30:26I don't ever want to live to be a hundred
30:28you and Elvis will be alright
30:30oh we won't
30:32he's become ambitious
30:34he's ashamed of me
30:36when he comes in the bank
30:38he refuses to use my window
30:40and I love him
30:42it's stupid isn't it
30:44it is rather
30:46I think he looks at me and thinks anybody stupid enough to love him
30:48is too stupid for him to love
30:50what about you and Paul
30:52I can't talk about it Carol
30:54I might cry
30:56don't start or I will
30:58how lovely you look
31:00two lovely young ladies in love with two fine young brothers
31:02members of the younger generation
31:04making a go of things
31:06and upstairs sleeping soundly
31:08two innocent baby boys
31:10a future generation
31:12today at least I feel there's hope
31:14there's a future
31:16thank you
31:18sometimes I think I preferred him
31:20when he was miserable
31:22it's going well
31:24everyone's on their best behaviour
31:26it's marvellous
31:28I wonder what will spoil it
31:30I'm going to make a speech
31:32I wonder no longer
31:34ladies and gentlemen
31:36ladies and gentlemen
31:40today is a happy day
31:42before we come to the cutting of the cake
31:44I have an announcement
31:46will you please drink a toast
31:48to Ted Simcock and Corinna Price-Rogerson
31:50who have announced their engagement
31:52oh
31:54never
31:56oh lord
31:58oh heck
32:00Sandra
32:02love
32:04so you're going to marry your tarty piece
32:08look up
32:10I came out here because I
32:12found a few bridges if I could
32:14build a few fences
32:16to try to
32:18oh I don't know
32:20Sandra please don't call her
32:22a tarty piece
32:24father's a bishop
32:26he may be a bishop
32:28she may be double barrelled
32:30but deep down in her heart where it matters
32:32she's a tarty piece
32:34you never could judge character could you
32:36no I loved you
32:38ouch
32:40Sandra
32:42love
32:44why do you call me love
32:46you don't love me
32:48no and you don't love me
32:50no not now
32:52you never did love
32:54we never did
32:56did we love
32:58we didn't
33:00we were just a friendship
33:02affection
33:04desire
33:06lust
33:08love
33:10it was with me
33:12oh you sod I hate you
33:14well I can't say that I blame you
33:16but there you are you see
33:18it wasn't love
33:20it was
33:22love curdles
33:24love and hate are two sides
33:26of the same coin
33:28that's what I reckon it wrote
33:30and I hate you
33:32yeah well
33:34well
33:36I just wanted to come out here
33:38to say that
33:40you know I think you're a grand girl
33:42a right smashing
33:44you must be an idiot to give me up then
33:46well maybe I am Sandra maybe I am
33:48you know
33:50I didn't intend to love
33:52I didn't want to love
33:54it's just
33:56well it burst upon me
33:58love love
34:00did you love her
34:04yes
34:06she loved you
34:08yes
34:10so
34:12I just um
34:14you know I wanted to come out here
34:16I mean embarrassing though it is
34:18big of you
34:20yes I wanted to say that
34:22I'll never forget you
34:24you know you gave me something
34:26wonderful at the time of law
34:28I warmed you up for her
34:30just cause I haven't got
34:32a double barrelled name
34:34and money and I keep dropping
34:36things which I hardly do when you're around
34:38yes well
34:40there you are you see
34:42sit love it's best we're
34:44apartment isn't it
34:46yeah well thank you
34:48I expressed a desire to see
34:50the kitchens of a great hotel
34:52and your very efficient helpful
34:54waitress kindly obliged
34:56yes this is Ted Simcott
34:58Mr. O'Mara Mr. O'Mara
35:00the duty manager
35:02these are the main ovens
35:04which can cook enough roast
35:06to serve 250
35:08portions of meat
35:10which we often do
35:12being known for our function
35:14why the tears
35:16I'm that proud Mr. O'Mara
35:18of the hotel
35:20of the kitchens
35:22it's that clean that gleaming
35:24that well kept
35:26I thought of when it's full
35:28and all the smoking
35:30and all the orders and all the cooking
35:32and all the satisfied customers
35:34and how we cope and I felt
35:36right proud Mr. O'Mara
35:38that's wonderful Sandra
35:4017 years in hotels
35:42Mr. Simcott
35:44given my life to the group
35:46passed over for assistant manager 5 times
35:48outsiders brought in over my head
35:50wondering
35:52am I wasting my time
35:54but here's my answer
35:56makes it all worthwhile
35:58thank you Sandra
36:00oh lord I
36:02sorry
36:04thank you Mr. O'Mara
36:06this is
36:08the toast making machine
36:10which at peak breakfast
36:12times can handle
36:14over 400 slices
36:16an hour
36:18oh Sandra
36:20that was clever that was really
36:22brilliant
36:24oh Sandra
36:26oh Sandra
36:28oh Sandra
36:30I'm sorry
36:32oh
36:40so how you feeling now you're engaged
36:42then are you dad
36:44oh very very I'm very happy and delighted
36:46how do you feel about
36:48about mum
36:50what is this panorama
36:52your son showing an interest in his father dad
36:54do you regret
36:56what happened with Liz
36:58yes of course I do
37:00I also regret that things didn't work out with your mother
37:02I bitterly regret it
37:04of course I do
37:06I better go to Corinna she's bound to be upset
37:08she doesn't look upset
37:10oh Elvis you know nothing about women
37:16oh I'm sorry about that
37:18are you upset my petal
37:20of course not
37:22it's perfectly understandable
37:24you wanted to try to help her retain some
37:26shreds of dignity
37:28you are an
37:30amazingly understanding woman
37:32my father's a bishop
37:34oh no
37:38sir
37:40madam champagne
37:42to celebrate your engagement
37:44oh yes that's um
37:46oh that's very um
37:48extremely
37:50thank you thank you Sandra
37:52thank you very much Sandra
38:00don't be much of this
38:02oh I love champagne
38:04you're amazing
38:06you don't seem jealous of Sandra at all
38:08why should I be
38:10it's over
38:12I can tell that from the way you constantly cuss at me
38:14I might feel very much
38:16less secure if you stopped cussing at me
38:20we'll leave soon
38:22I'm going to take you home
38:24and I'm going to
38:26cuss at you like the clumpers
38:28everybody's happy
38:30isn't it wonderful
38:32happy day
38:34Jenny's very upset about Paul
38:36Carol's very upset about Elvis
38:38Ted's very upset about Sandra
38:40and Sandra's very upset about Corinna
38:42Rodney and Betty are rather shocked to find that their health food complex
38:44is next door to Chez Edward
38:46Simon is dreadfully scared about something
38:48and I'm very upset that Rita's election
38:50will push through the outer inner relief ring road
38:52apart from that
38:54as far as I know
38:56people are ecstatic
39:00will you please speak to Rita now
39:02of course leave it to me
39:04what about
39:06the outer inner relief ring road
39:08well what can I
39:10yes all right I'll have a word sometime
39:12now
39:14now
39:16Jenny would you sometime consider working for me
39:18us
39:20yes absolutely
39:22slip of the tongue
39:24us
39:26well thank you
39:28terrific
39:30Rita will be working for us too
39:32terrific
39:34it's all very exciting isn't it
39:36I feel very excited
39:42hello
39:48hello Neville
39:50hello Rita
39:52Liz is a little
39:54not worried
39:56a little concerned
39:58and she's asked me to
40:00ask you
40:02so here I am
40:04if this isn't a good time please forget it
40:06please forget what
40:08the outer inner relief ring road
40:10I wouldn't dream of asking you to try
40:12to get us any special dispensation
40:14to attempt to change the route in any way
40:16I know you wouldn't
40:18you couldn't
40:20I understand that
40:22so what are you asking
40:26well I'm glad we've had this little chat Rita
40:28are you
40:30good lord
40:40well
40:48well
40:50I put her points very forcibly
40:52if obliquely
40:54sometimes in politics one needs to be oblique
40:56I left her in no doubt of what we were asking
40:58and
41:00she made no definite promises
41:02she's too much of an old hand for that
41:04old hand she's only been elected two days
41:06you should have twisted her around your little finger
41:08and although she didn't say anything
41:10I have no doubt what Rita will do
41:14you know that you've given me back something I thought
41:16I'd lost forever
41:18status
41:20I thought you meant love
41:22well that too of course
41:24especially that
41:26but also status and reputation
41:28because you know there's a lot of people in this town
41:30who thought I was a
41:32burk
41:34I find that hard to believe
41:36it's hardly credible but it's true
41:38anyway the last laughs on them
41:40restauranteur marrying a bishop's daughter
41:44more champagne
41:48yes thank you thank you very much
41:50thank you Sandra
41:52where was I
41:54having the last laugh
41:56is that why you're marrying me
41:58no no no
42:00of course not
42:02it's a very very enjoyable by-product
42:06are you drunk
42:08no of course
42:10on this on champagne on French
42:12next piss
42:14sorry
42:16sorry
42:18sorry
42:20I haven't had much have I
42:22much much
42:24I mean if at all much I mean if that really
42:28I do feel a bit odd though
42:30it's odd that I should feel odd
42:32why should I feel odd
42:34I don't feel odd
42:36normally I feel absolutely normal
42:38god I am you know I'm drunk
42:40I'm absolutely
42:42oh how how the heck can I be
42:44oh there's vodka in this
42:46it's fog
42:48it's fog
42:50come on let's go and sit down
42:52come on over here
42:54hello Jenny
42:56do you know what I said as I left the church
42:58no
43:00I'll be seeing you
43:02it was a joke
43:04the aisle's the side of the church so I said I'll be seeing you
43:06ah
43:08bit of a knave aren't I
43:10aren't you fond of my jokes
43:12are they an apse of taste
43:14what
43:16you look sad I'm cheering you up
43:18oh thanks Andrew
43:20terrific
43:22not interrupting am I
43:24yes terrific bye Andrew
43:33how are things
43:35really between you and Paul Jenny
43:37not very good
43:39we're having terrible rows
43:41would you mind telling me what your row
43:43this morning was about
43:45on the surface it was about boiled eggs
43:49what was it about
43:51under the surface
43:53trust
43:55you what
43:57well I'm finding it hard to trust him after what he did with
43:59well he says I'm not trying to trust him
44:02and when all that's going on under the surface
44:04we're arguing about boiled eggs
44:06I'm crying
44:08Thomas is upset because he's very sensitive
44:10oh Elvis
44:12how's the interviewing technique coming on Elvis
44:14Rodney belt up
44:16have I said something wrong
44:18what does he mean interviewing technique
44:20nothing Jenny absolutely nothing
44:22go on tell her I've done nothing I'm ashamed of
44:24well he wasn't feeling very well so I took him upstairs to lay him down
44:26yes we heard
44:28we heard voices coming from the toilet
44:30Elvis was playing back conversations in recording
44:32with me and Simon hello Simon
44:34with me
44:36you bastard you swine
44:38and you listened
44:40well we couldn't help it we tried not to
44:42you swine Elvis
44:44I've done nothing I'm ashamed of
44:46broadcasting to the silitos that I got my fellow godfather's wife pregnant
44:48and you're not ashamed
44:50Simon
44:52Judy
44:54oh Andrew
44:56I love you Andrew I do
45:04I didn't know anybody were listening
45:06nor did I
45:16so your questioning of me Elvis all that concern
45:18was genuine
45:20it has to be an interview in people
45:22I mean you don't use people
45:24I'm sick of you you use me
45:26you use the collapse of my marriage
45:28collapse? oh we're splitting up
45:32oh lord
45:34I didn't mean to tell you
45:36not today
45:38it's amicable
45:40quite happy really
45:44not at all sad
45:46sorry
45:48oh Jenny
45:50oh
45:52Elvis
46:02Sandra
46:04you've been spiking my drink
46:06yeah cause I hate you
46:08I wanted her to see you drunk
46:10and pathetic she has
46:12I'm glad Sandra
46:14now leave this to me sir it's all in hand
46:16everything is tickety boo
46:18stop Eric
46:20oh lord why did you have to come here
46:22and erode
46:24following me haunting me taunting me
46:26Sandra I wasn't
46:28cause you were why else would you come here
46:30because they are christening
46:32my baby
46:36oh lord
46:38Ted
46:40sorry
46:42sorry I didn't mean
46:44no I mean it was just a joke
46:46it was really just a joke
46:48come on
46:50still have you off the premises
46:52man of your age can't hold your drink
46:54I'm alright
47:00leave it to us we're the experts
47:02up we go nice and quiet I'm sorry everyone
47:04sorry I lied my honey bee
47:06I forgive you many wouldn't
47:08what a woman for one day you are
47:12goodbye
47:14thank you very much for inviting us
47:16we've had a simply marvellous time
47:20oh Jenny
47:22now come on come on
47:24there there
47:26it wasn't amicable
47:28we had a terrible round
47:30spit up
47:34oh lord I shouldn't have told you not to
47:36yes you should
47:38oh Jenny
47:40how could he
47:42it's my fault as well
47:44there's always two sides
47:46I expected too much
47:48for a marriage despite my father
47:50oh Jenny
47:52oh Paul's got no idea
47:54how to treat a woman
47:56just like his brother
47:58Mum leave this to me please
48:02Jenny love I do
48:04I do care I wasn't trying to use you
48:06I do
48:08he's hopeless
48:10he's hopeless
48:12oh Paul
48:14oh Jenny
48:16just like his bloody brother
48:18oh Carol
48:22oh lord
48:24where did we go wrong with him
48:26was it all my fault
48:28and here's me going into politics
48:30trying to change the world
48:32oh no you mustn't give up
48:34you must change the world
48:36somebody must
48:38oh lord
48:50oh lord
48:52I must go to
48:54somebody
48:56what about me
48:58are you upset
49:00of course not
49:02I'm having a simply wonderful afternoon
49:04shh I think I can hear the babies
49:06shh everybody
49:08shh
49:16they learn so quickly don't they
49:36shh
50:06shh