the ghosts of motley hall - season 2 episode 5
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00:30I would tell you the one about Mary, Queen of Scots.
00:43Most frequently.
00:44Wake him up, Max.
00:45No reason why he shouldn't be as bored as we are.
00:58Fanny!
00:59Eh?
01:00Fox!
01:01Take your ten guineas!
01:02Eh?
01:03Oh!
01:04Oh!
01:05Ha, ha, ha!
01:06Ha, ha, ha!
01:07Oh, laughing!
01:08Oh, didn't you just tell a joke, then, Bollingly?
01:09No.
01:10Oh, sorry.
01:11It looked as if you had.
01:12What's the time?
01:38Ten past four.
01:39Ten past four.
01:40Yes, of course.
01:41Well, I think I'm off.
01:42Exit to Limbo.
01:43I'm finding it just difficult to keep materialised.
01:44Tensible chap.
01:45I see no point in sitting here just for the sake of appearance.
01:46Same time tomorrow?
01:47Yes, we're so...
01:48Dismissed.
01:49Oh, people, if you knew our plight and how by time we're too late.
01:50Oh, I'm sorry.
01:51I'm sorry.
01:52I'm sorry.
01:53I'm sorry.
01:54I'm sorry.
01:55I'm sorry.
01:56I'm sorry.
01:57I'm sorry.
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02:00I'm sorry.
02:01I'm sorry.
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03:00I'm sorry.
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03:04I'm sorry.
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03:08I'm sorry.
03:10I'm sorry.
03:12I'm sorry.
03:13I'm sorry.
03:14I'm sorry.
03:20Time for your music lesson.
03:22What shall it be?
03:242, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 2, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 2...
03:29WHISTLING
03:48No? No.
03:51And we used to be a musical nation.
04:01And then I would think, you blow too hard.
04:05You so gently, as Will Shakespeare used to say...
04:21Right.
04:29Oh, my goodness!
04:31I won't panic. I won't.
04:34No, I'll keep calm.
04:36That's it.
04:38I'll keep very calm.
04:42Help!
04:45Help!
04:51I could have sworn it came from in here.
04:53Did? Do you think it's one of us?
04:56It is.
04:58Why don't you appear?
05:00Well, you can't.
05:01Not even to us?
05:02No, well, some spirits aren't able to.
05:05It's Codgy!
05:07Don't be daft, he can't hear us or see us either.
05:12He's been executed!
05:14No, he ain't. He's still alive.
05:16Executed?
05:17No, he ain't. He's still alive.
05:20What, just his head?
05:22He's got his head stuffed in the balusters.
05:26So, yes, that's silly alternative.
05:29I must think. I must think.
05:31You are gone, then. Use your head.
05:35It ain't funny, though, is it?
05:37I mean, if he really is stuck, who's going to get him out of it?
05:41Can't we do anything?
05:42This is going to take a bit of thinking about.
05:45I know it.
05:46I'm going to fetch the others.
05:52No, no, no, he'll never get out like that.
05:55He ain't got retractable ears.
05:57Retractable ears?
05:59They catch when he pulls back.
06:01What are you doing? Cut him off.
06:03No, he can't do that.
06:04Of course not.
06:05I haven't got a knife.
06:06Alas, poor Gudgeon.
06:10You're only jealous because he can't hear you.
06:12He knows I wouldn't harm him.
06:14Fishhooks.
06:15Every time he's seen you, he's been scared out of his wits.
06:18I always imagined he's been rather a beautiful, hazy miss.
06:22Why don't we saw through those posts?
06:24Yes, yes. Of course, we need a saw.
06:27There used to be one in a blue bathroom.
06:29Capital notion.
06:30Have the beggar out in no time.
06:35I'll do it, love.
06:36Go away.
06:38Thanks.
06:40Oh!
06:42Why does this have to happen to me?
06:45Because he's a turnip.
06:47Now, now, now, mustn't be unsympathetic, Parkin.
06:50Well, he's always complaining about having motley all round his neck.
06:54Oh!
06:58Where is it?
07:00What was it?
07:01I was looking for it.
07:03The saw!
07:06Oh, yes, of course. The saw, right.
07:10You should have written it down for him.
07:14I shall starve.
07:16Where are you going?
07:17I can't bear it any longer.
07:18Come back here.
07:19I am going to comfort him.
07:21Stop making a spectacle of yourself.
07:24If he dies of fright, I shall hold you personally responsible.
07:27He's not frightened of me, are you, Mr Goodgerne?
07:36This is no time for levity.
07:40Look out.
07:41Oops.
07:42We've met before, haven't we, Mr Goodgerne?
07:45Are you in pain?
07:46No, look, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
07:49I just wanted to tell you, we don't intend to let you suffer.
07:53Leave the wretched little chap alone.
07:58No saw.
08:01Oh, it's five. What's she up to?
08:03About ten foot six.
08:05We'll soon put you out of your misery.
08:09Looks like you have.
08:10Oh, I wish they wouldn't faint. It's so silly.
08:13Gadget!
08:14Will you get down?
08:15There is no need to shout.
08:21I was giving him support in his hour of need.
08:24The fellow needs you moving, not supporting.
08:26Oh, I was reassuring him.
08:28By performing your own private version of the Indian rope trick?
08:31You seem to imagine...
08:32We could ring a bell.
08:33Don't interrupt.
08:34You seem to imagine that Jack...
08:36What did you say?
08:38Nothing.
08:39Yes, he did. He said we could ring the bell.
08:41That's what I thought he said.
08:43Oh, yes. Well, I did actually.
08:45The bell. Of course, we'll ring the bell.
08:47Yeah, and keep on ringing it till somebody comes up from the village.
08:50And finds Gadget.
08:52I'll do it now.
08:53Too fast!
08:55It was Fanny's idea, huh?
08:58Yes, it was.
09:00Yes, and you don't have many.
09:02You shall ring the bell.
09:04You shall save.
09:07Gadget.
09:09I say.
09:10Oh, it's bad.
09:13What?
09:38Oh...
09:41Yes, quite.
09:42And furthermore,
09:44unless we are able to summon outside help,
09:47he is liable to be with us permanently.
09:53What about mysterious lights at the windows?
09:56We'll have to wait till dark for that.
09:58Sides more likely scare people away.
10:00Oh, er...
10:02We could start a fire.
10:04What?
10:05A little one.
10:06A little one.
10:08And who's going to pull it out?
10:10Ah, well, the people who see it.
10:12And if nobody sees it, the house will burn down.
10:15He is the answer.
10:18Me?
10:19By George, all right.
10:21Why?
10:22Well, you can get out of the house.
10:23Right!
10:24Yeah, but I ain't been beyond the gates, not ever.
10:26I mean, there's all kinds of...
10:29Well, will you try?
10:31Oh, yeah, I'll try.
10:33I'll try.
10:34Ain't I'm scared.
10:35It's just that I might not be able to.
10:38But we can't leave poor old Gudgeon stuck there like a hunting trophy.
10:41I know, but if I do get beyond, what do I do then?
10:44Well, you find some responsible-looking citizen
10:47and you persuade him to accompany you back.
10:50Yeah.
10:51What if nobody's able to see him?
10:53Or hear him?
10:54We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
10:57Do you want me to go now?
10:58The sooner the better, if you ask me.
11:00You don't look none too healthy.
11:02Wait, now.
11:04What bridge?
11:08There isn't a bridge.
11:10No, you said he'd crossed a...
11:12No, I didn't. No, no, no, no.
11:14What I said...
11:16Oh!
11:18Oh.
11:21I can't stress too strongly the importance of this mission.
11:27Good luck.
11:28Thank you, Sir George.
11:30Mind the bridge.
11:32Oh.
12:02Oh.
12:32Oh.
13:03Oh.
13:17Why can't we go round the house, Dad?
13:19Because Cousin Arnwell isn't here.
13:21I thought he lived down in the village.
13:23He does, but he's away.
13:24But, Dad, can't I just...
13:25He's gone on one of his cycling holidays.
13:27Where was it he said he was going, John?
13:29Wales, wasn't it?
13:30The Lake District.
13:32I can find a way in, Dad.
13:34I'm sure Cousin Arnwell wouldn't mind.
13:36Wouldn't mind?
13:37Now, listen to me, my lad.
13:39He specifically said in his letter not to go near the house.
13:42Now, you've not met him,
13:43but let me tell you that when Arnwell Gudgeon says something,
13:46he means it.
13:51Oh, courage, Gudgeon!
13:55I think he's getting used to me.
13:56Leave the poor chap alone.
13:58Worn out, poor devil.
14:00A reduced awkward position to be in.
14:07Three more.
14:08I can see three more.
14:13Of course he can't.
14:15Four phantoms. Four.
14:18Can you hear me, Gudgeon?
14:20It spoke.
14:22The ugly one spoke.
14:25Still can't see too clearly.
14:30I think it only fair to tell you, Gadget,
14:33that I was General Stortia for KCMG.
14:37Why, did you know?
14:41Remember what I said, lad?
14:43You keep well away from Motley Hall.
14:50I've got the dinner organised.
14:52Are we going to eat outside with the nuts
14:54or inside with the earwigs?
15:08It's more fun up at the house.
15:22DOOR CREAKS
15:31GIGGLES
15:43GIGGLES
15:45DOOR CREAKS
15:49Go on, up to the house, you great gawny.
15:54We are hoping for reinforcements.
15:56Someone a little more...
15:58What?
15:59..substantial, you understand.
16:01So you mustn't ruin the sponge, Gadget.
16:04With this life is over.
16:06Yes, and a bird in the hand...
16:09..saves nine.
16:11DOOR CREAKS
16:14His cousins are here. Gadget's cousin?
16:17Aye, three of them.
16:19A man, his wife and a boy, living in a kind of colch.
16:22Did you know about this, old chap?
16:24Yes, I wrote to them. I said they could camp in the grounds.
16:27I tried to get...
16:29Can he see, Sir George?
16:31He can see all of us now. Go on.
16:33I tried to get the lad to come up to the house.
16:35It's as hard as tickling trout.
16:37You've got to get him here. Up.
16:39Better still, the father. How?
16:41Couldn't we write to him?
16:43Capital notion!
16:54Raymond!
17:01For goodness' sake! Oh, what a mess!
17:04Where have you been?
17:05Far from old outbuildings.
17:07It wasn't Raymond's fault.
17:09Come, love, help me with this.
17:13Oh!
17:15Come, we'll put it over there.
17:18Mum, is Motley Hall supposed to be haunted?
17:21Haunted? I don't think so. Why?
17:23Someone's been following me about the grounds, trying to scare me.
17:27Now who'd want to do that?
17:29I don't know. Never saw them.
17:31Local kids, you'd think. Playing at ghosts.
17:34Dear Sir, would you please come to Motley Hall
17:38an unfortunate accident has befallen Mr Gudgeon.
17:42And necessitates your immediate intervention.
17:45Do not hesitate. Time is of the essence.
17:49Go safely.
17:51General Sir George Uproar.
17:53A bit short, ain't it?
17:55It seems rather vague. Shouldn't we say what the accident is?
17:58I see no point in being unnecessarily verbose.
18:01He'll find all that out when he gets here.
18:04Now, what's the time?
18:06Ten past four.
18:08Ten past four, so it is.
18:10Bye, Mr Gannon!
18:16Remember what I said? Keep away from the house.
18:19And those nasty boys.
18:21Don't worry. Just get the milk.
18:36Thank you.
19:06Thank you.
19:37Of course, all that took place long before the Sudan campaign.
19:41What about George? Matt never let it work.
19:44Matt's coming with Gudgeon's cousin.
19:46Not much longer, you poor creature.
19:53Come on, you're nearly there.
20:00He's coming in.
20:02Congratulations.
20:05Ah.
20:28I'm here.
20:30Here.
20:33Here.
20:35Ah!
20:37Come back!
20:43What am I going to do?
21:03Shit.
21:13Hello, love.
21:15You all right?
21:17No trouble?
21:19No, no trouble.
21:21It's been very quiet, as a matter of fact.
21:25Are you sure you're all right, Ray?
21:28You look a bit pale.
21:30It's probably contractive malaria.
21:32No, I'm fine, fine.
21:34Just hungry, eh?
21:36Not at all hungry.
21:38He must be ill.
21:40Anyway, we won't be here much longer.
21:42Why not?
21:44Because I've found out there's a proper campsite at Wendlesham.
21:46Room for 400 caravans.
21:48Can we go now?
21:50Have a heart. We'll eat first.
21:53Oh, don't worry, we'll be away in a couple of hours.
21:56Two hours.
21:58That's what he said.
22:00Mm.
22:02Ten past four.
22:05That means they'll be moving off at, er...
22:0925?
22:11Ten past six.
22:14Mm.
22:16What are we going to do?
22:18We can't do nothing. It's all up to Matt now.
22:20Well, I wish it wasn't.
22:23Raymond, could you get rid of this for me, dear?
22:25Dig a hole or something.
22:27Where?
22:29I don't mind anywhere, love, as long as we don't leave a mess.
22:31But, Mum...
22:33Over there somewhere, I should think.
22:35That's right. Make yourself useful for a change.
22:51HE BREATHES HEAVILY
23:00Don't wait till I catch you!
23:02I'll teach you to make a fool out of me!
23:07John?
23:09What's up? Well, someone's...
23:11Hey, come back!
23:13What's he up to?
23:21DOOR OPENS
23:32Raymond!
23:34What the blazes do you think you're playing at?
23:36Your mother's looking...
23:40Help! Let me out!
23:42Let me out!
23:44Let me out! Let me out!
23:46Help! Let me out!
23:48Let me out!
23:50Raymond!
23:52Raymond, what's going on? And where's my sheet?
23:54He's got it! Who has?
23:56I told you they're playing at ghosts!
24:01Raymond!
24:06All right, Raymond.
24:10Now, that's enough.
24:12Now, that's enough.
24:14Take it off.
24:24I say, John!
24:26It's... It's me, Arnold.
24:28I wonder if you could help me.
24:30I've had rather an unfortunate accident.
24:33The lad's a prodigy.
24:35No-one could see a ghost,
24:37so he dressed up as one.
24:39I'll tell you something, Mac.
24:41If it hadn't been for you,
24:43he wouldn't have stood a ghost of a chance.
24:45Ghost of a chance!
25:09¶ ¶ ¶
25:39¶ ¶ ¶