Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Once upon a time, there were three little girls who went to the police academy.
00:06Two in Los Angeles.
00:13The other in San Francisco.
00:16And they were each assigned very hazardous duties.
00:22But I took them away from all that.
00:25And now they work for me.
00:27My name is Charlie.
01:00And I'm Charlie.
01:02And I'm Charlie.
01:04And I'm Charlie.
01:06And I'm Charlie.
01:08And I'm Charlie.
01:10And I'm Charlie.
01:12And I'm Charlie.
01:14And I'm Charlie.
01:16And I'm Charlie.
01:18And I'm Charlie.
01:20And I'm Charlie.
01:22And I'm Charlie.
01:24And I'm Charlie.
01:26And I'm Charlie.
01:28And I'm Charlie.
01:30And I'm Charlie.
01:32And I'm Charlie.
01:34And I'm Charlie.
01:36And I'm Charlie.
01:38And I'm Charlie.
01:40And I'm Charlie.
01:42And I'm Charlie.
01:44And I'm Charlie.
01:46And I'm Charlie.
01:48And I'm Charlie.
01:50And I'm Charlie.
01:52And I'm Charlie.
01:54And I'm Charlie.
01:56And I'm Charlie.
01:58And I'm Charlie.
02:00And I'm Charlie.
02:02And I'm Charlie.
02:04And I'm Charlie.
02:06And I'm Charlie.
02:08And I'm Charlie.
02:10And I'm Charlie.
02:12And I'm Charlie.
02:14And I'm Charlie.
02:16And I'm Charlie.
02:18And I'm Charlie.
02:20And I'm Charlie.
02:23Why do I get the feeling that this was not strictly for fun?
02:27Well, as a matter of fact, Max has had a few minor problems lately.
02:31What kind of problems, Bosley?
02:33Well, a couple of nights ago, somebody broke into his office.
02:36You mean he was robbed?
02:37Well, not exactly. Max isn't sure.
02:39It seems that somebody broke one of his files, but nothing was taken.
02:42Well, that doesn't make much sense.
02:43Well, it might not mean anything.
02:45But we'll talk to Max, and if we've got a job, then we're working.
02:48And if not, well, come on. We've had a good time.
02:52All right.
03:22Max!
03:52Max!
04:22Max.
04:43I'm sorry.
04:47I don't want to go back.
04:53First, somebody breaks into my office.
04:55Now, my two lead skaters are gone, vanished.
04:58And what do I have?
04:59I'll tell you what I have.
05:01Missing stars is what I have.
05:03A show is what I have not.
05:06Here, what can I do for you?
05:15How about some results?
05:17Soon, Max, soon.
05:19Max, you can't risk blowing our cover.
05:22Shall we hit the ice for a little practice?
05:24Just my luck.
05:28Who the devil are you?
05:29I'm Olga.
05:30This is Luise.
05:32Olga, Luise.
05:34We would like to audition.
05:38Now, come on, dear. Just like we've been rehearsing.
05:41One and two.
05:43And aim and fire.
05:46Perfect.
05:47Even better than perfect.
05:49All right, now, when will they all be fixed?
05:51Well, I figure if I work all night,
05:53you can have them tomorrow for rehearsal.
05:58I thought I was the only crazy working lady.
06:01What is it, Halloween or something?
06:03No, wait a minute.
06:04No, get away from me.
06:05There's a...
06:13Who is this?
06:14This is my cousin, Durgis.
06:16Durgis is a master woodcarver and a machinist.
06:19And he works very cheap.
06:21Can you fix muskets?
06:23Durgis can fix anything.
06:25Yes, there is.
06:26Okay, you're hired until we find Iggy.
06:29Then you're fired.
06:46No.
07:17Now, we get it right, or there's no lunch money.
07:20There are no food stamps.
07:22Now, are you prepared to do it correctly?
07:24Because we're gonna stay here all day until we do.
07:27May we please commence?
07:29Okay.
07:30Now, from the top of the fallow.
07:33Ready.
07:34And...
07:35One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
07:39One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
07:43One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
07:47One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
07:50One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
07:54One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
07:57One, two, three...
07:59Wait, wait, wait! Exclamation point.
08:04What is this, children?
08:06Your positions are way off.
08:08Sorry, we forgot.
08:10Forgot?
08:11Forgot is for amateurs.
08:13Is this intellectual malnutrition?
08:16Or do we have some kind of a language barrier?
08:19Hold it, children. I'll be back. Just stay loose.
08:22Look, you came in, you represented that you were wonderful skaters.
08:26You seem to be wonderful.
08:29Hey, girl, you're doing good.
08:32That's the first time they've goofed.
08:34Well, they're only human.
08:35I wonder.
08:36What does that mean?
08:38I don't know exactly.
08:40But like I said before, their arrival here, knowing the routines, very fortuitous.
08:47You think they have something to do with all this?
08:49Until we figure out what all this is, there's no way to tell, is there?
08:55Listen, I think I'm gonna concentrate on Billy.
08:57If he has Sabrina's teeth marks in his hand,
08:59then we'll know that he was the one she took a bite on in Helene's apartment, right?
09:03You just be careful, okay?
09:05Believe it.
09:07See ya.
09:08Everybody who is not involved in this number, get off the ice, please.
09:17Max, tell me something.
09:19The file that was broken into in your office the other night, what was in it?
09:23Nothing worth stealing.
09:25Just a floor plan of the audience seating section.
09:28Seating section?
09:29Yes, you know, who sits where and what...
09:32Why do you ask?
09:34I'll let you know when I know, okay?
09:38Okay.
09:43You're the only new one who's nice.
09:45I don't like those other two, Olga and Louise.
09:48Billy, I don't like them much either.
09:53Here you go.
09:57Did you know Helene?
09:59Oh, no, I don't know her.
10:01I hear she's real nice, though.
10:03She was.
10:05Was?
10:09Sometimes things don't turn out the way they're supposed to.
10:14Know what I mean?
10:16No, I don't know what you mean, Billy.
10:18Can you tell me more about it?
10:25Do you like spaghetti with meatballs?
10:29We were talking about meatballs?
10:32I cook that the best.
10:34Oh, you like to cook?
10:36I love to cook.
10:37Spaghetti with meatballs.
10:39Is that all?
10:40No.
10:42I also cook meatballs and spaghetti.
10:46That's great. I like a change of pace.
10:50Would you like me to cook for you?
10:55The meatballs are really small.
10:57I can put four in my mouth at once.
11:00You put four meatballs in your mouth at one time?
11:03Four meatballs in your mouth at one time?
11:06For you, there's five.
11:10Please?
11:13Well, who could turn down five meatballs?
11:25You like the meatballs?
11:26Yeah, I liked them a lot.
11:28Helene loved those meatballs.
11:33She was a lot of fun.
11:37You really liked Helene a lot, didn't you, Billy?
11:40Before she went with him, Jack, maybe.
11:44Then I don't love her very much anymore.
11:46Don't you tell anybody that I love her.
11:48Don't do it. I don't want that.
11:50Oh, I won't, Billy.
11:52I don't want anybody to think Billy's stupid.
11:56It's my fault.
11:58I did it.
11:59They said they'd take him, not her, just him.
12:02And they lied.
12:05Who lied, Billy?
12:07They did.
12:09Who were they?
12:12Billy, who took Helene?
12:14Who are they?
12:16They said they'd take him, not her, just him.
12:22Billy, what happened?
12:24Look, you can trust me. I'm your friend. You can tell me.
12:30They called on the phone.
12:32They said they'd leave the door open.
12:34They'd give me some money and they'd take Jack away.
12:39He was bad for her.
12:41He was married. He was no good for her.
12:44Said they'd give me some money and I could buy Helene a present.
12:48Billy.
12:50Billy.
12:51Who were they?
12:54Oh, I don't know.
12:55They threw me money out of a big blue car.
12:59They lied!
13:02Oh, Helene.
13:07Everything always changes.
13:09This world stinks.
13:14The ice is melting.
13:16Oh, it's getting soft out there.
13:20Okay, now listen to me.
13:22Now listen to me.
13:24Those people that threw the money out of the car.
13:27Did you see their faces?
13:29No.
13:31I couldn't see.
13:34They promised they wouldn't touch her.
13:36Okay, it's okay.
13:38Now listen.
13:39You didn't see their faces.
13:41But did you hear anything?
13:43Did you hear a name or anything?
13:45No.
13:47I couldn't hear.
13:49And I couldn't see.
13:52Oh, it's my fault.
13:55Oh.
13:57Oh.
13:59Please.
14:01It's my fault.
14:03Billy.
14:14Question is, who are the people who did the kidnapping?
14:17Pay them to set up the kidnapping.
14:19Who are they?
14:20He says he doesn't know.
14:21He has to know.
14:23He says he doesn't know, Max.
14:25And I believe him.
14:27And it wouldn't do us any good to have him arrested.
14:29He doesn't really understand what it is he did.
14:31We do know one thing.
14:33We know who to watch.
14:35We do?
14:37The convenient replacements, Olga and Luise.
14:39And their cousin, Durgis.
14:41The man who fixes things.
14:43Okay.
14:45Finished.
14:47Closed.
14:49I shut down the show.
14:51They're giving me what the show must go on.
14:53No show must go on when they're at lives at stake.
14:57Max, we don't have any tangible evidence to arrest them.
15:00So what can we do?
15:02They'll make their move and we'll be there.
15:22Considering the extreme water shorties,
15:24don't you think it would be extremely patriotic
15:26if all of us would just drink wine?
15:29Domestic wine, of course.
15:34Tell me.
15:36Yes?
15:38Have you seen a large blue limousine lately?
15:40A large blue limousine?
15:42Yes.
15:44I've seen it.
15:46I've seen it.
15:48I've seen it.
15:49Have you seen a large blue limousine lately?
15:51A large blue...
15:53You are the second lady that's asked me that.
15:58Don't look now.
16:00It is just pulling in over your shoulder.
16:04You know, I think you
16:06lady limousine lovers
16:08might actually save America.
16:10Well,
16:12off to the wine cellars.
16:19All right.
16:50Hey, sister, what's happening?
16:52Emergency, baby. I need help, and I mean now.
16:54Like what kind of help?
16:56Big blue limousine just around the corner.
16:58Can you get behind it for 20 bucks?
17:0020 bucks? I can definitely get behind and follow that car.
17:02Hop on, baby.
17:04Big bad limo, watch out.
17:06Here comes Big Bad Dojo
17:08on the downtown side.
17:19What's the matter?
17:50What's going on?
18:16I can't see them.
18:17JoJo's gonna find us.
18:47There they are!
19:15JoJo, you're dynamite!
19:27Hey, you know, I always did want to play cops and robbers and be the good guy for a change.
19:31I assume that they are the bad guys.
19:34Definitely.
19:35Hey, look here, you need any help from my brother? If it gets me off, I won't even charge you.
19:38Thanks. The next move's mine.
19:40Okay, but don't be batting mouth with me when I'm gone, you understand?
19:42Anybody ask me about JoJo, he's the best.
19:45Hey, you got potential, sister. Take care of yourself.
20:12Oh, well, hello there.
20:24My, my, what a fine figure of a man.
20:27My, aren't you something.
20:29If you'll excuse me, I heard there's some very fine biddles in that direction.
20:33Room is private.
20:37She came from there.
20:39Come, sir.
20:43I want to thank you for being so kind and courteous.
20:45I'm gonna be sure and talk about you to my cousin Irmidine now.
21:38Come here.
24:38They got her, Charlie. Somehow they got her.
24:53Okay, where do we start looking?
24:55The show opens tonight.
24:57I got a feeling Kelly's disappearance is tied into that somehow.
25:00If we're ever gonna see her again, we better find out how.
25:03And quick.
25:06And they haven't had a musket in their hands yet.
25:09Does anyone realize that we open tonight?
25:12Now, I know I promised I would not show my stunning face in here again.
25:16But meanwhile, comma, we have skaters but no muskets.
25:20So may I please be privy to your plans?
25:23The muskets are ready.
25:25Oh, finally.
25:27No.
25:28What are you talking now?
25:30Are they ready or not?
25:31If not, you're fired, Marcus.
25:34And don't tell me your name.
25:36I fix them, I give them out.
25:39What is this idiot talking about, Max?
25:41I made them, I hand them out.
25:45That's just what I need on opening night.
25:47A temperamental repairman.
25:50Let him, let him.
26:03Make sure you coordinate all your music cues.
26:06All these skaters will be responsible for coordinating their own music cues.
26:13Okay, come on, boys and girls, let's get a move on.
26:15Come on, come on, come on, time is of the essence.
26:19Wait a minute, where's Kelly?
26:21We open tonight, where is Kelly?
26:23She's not that good a skater.
26:25Oh, she's fired.
26:27All right, we're just gonna do it with five.
26:30Now, from the peel off.
26:32And 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
26:352, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
26:383, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
26:414, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
26:455, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
26:486, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
26:51Muskets up, aim and fire.
26:56Well, what is this?
26:58What is this?
26:59Where are the flags?
27:01Where are the flags?
27:12All right, Mr. Big Shot.
27:14Now, where are the flags?
27:15Where are the flags for our featured skaters?
27:18I haven't put them in.
27:19But you needn't worry.
27:21They'll be ready tonight.
27:23It must have been powerful.
27:26They use it on all of us, I think.
27:29The question's still the same.
27:30What do those bozos want with us?
27:32What do we do?
27:33In the restaurant while I was dancing,
27:35in between the Arabic,
27:37I kept hearing English words like,
27:39Section D East.
27:41Section D East?
27:43That must be an oil filler they own or something.
27:45No, no, no.
27:46Section D East.
27:47That's where the VIPs sit in the sports arena.
27:50Hey, wait a minute.
27:51That file that was broken into in Max's office,
27:54it had the seating arrangement for the sports arena.
27:57Did Max tell you who would be sitting in that section?
28:00He mentioned something about oil people, I think.
28:04Oil people?
28:06Yeah.
28:07Hey, hold on.
28:10Oil, Arabs, Arab restaurant.
28:13That's the connection.
28:15That's it. It's gotta be.
28:18Ladies and gentlemen,
28:20please make certain you are seated in the right section.
28:23Please check your ticket stubs.
28:26If you need any assistance,
28:28any one of our ushers will be pleased to assist you.
28:47Thank you.
29:17Thank you.
29:38I beg your pardon.
29:41I beg your pardon.
29:47I beg your pardon.
30:17I beg your pardon.
30:43Any word on Kelly?
30:45Kelly, I know who's available, is out there looking.
30:48Nothing yet.
30:50Charlie, why have you got Bosley and me covered in Section D?
30:52What are we looking for?
30:54The people in our blue limo with diplomat plates
30:56are sheiks from one of the Middle Eastern countries.
30:59These people have bought out Section D for tonight's opening.
31:02Well, yeah, what does that mean?
31:04It's obvious these sheiks are either the problem or the solution.
31:07Now, Kelly's abductors have been using that limousine.
31:09Maybe they'll be sitting in Section D. I don't know.
31:12It is clear that the trouble is coming from or going to that section.
31:16Well, that's pretty confusing,
31:18but if it's all we've got to go on, we'll do our best.
31:20All right.
31:43Anything?
31:44We don't know who we're looking for.
31:45Well, we will know when we see it.
31:47We better know.
31:49Kelly's life may depend on it.
31:51Hey.
31:52Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
31:54All right.
31:57We'll be all right.
31:59All right.
32:01I'll get it.
32:07I'll get my light.
32:11Whoa.
32:13Steady.
32:15Easy.
32:17Easy.
32:19Yeah.
32:21All right, here I go.
32:23Easy.
32:25Is it great?
32:27Jack?
32:29All right.
32:39I need three more feet.
32:41I can't hold on much longer now.
32:43How do I get down?
32:45Slowly.
32:47Wait a minute, Jack.
32:49It's steady.
32:51Oh, it's steady.
32:54Iggy!
32:55Iggy!
33:03Everybody all right?
33:05I'm okay.
33:07Just barely.
33:10Come on.
33:20There's got to be a way.
33:22There's got to be a way.
33:28You okay?
33:30Yeah.
33:39Come on.
33:42Come on.
34:07Give me a hand with that board.
34:12There we go.
34:26Lucky, before I was an ice skater,
34:28I used to work in the circus.
34:33Beautiful.
34:42Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats.
34:44The show will begin in five minutes.
34:47Showtime in five minutes, ladies and gentlemen.
35:02Ready?
35:05Okay.
35:08Ready?
35:10Yeah.
35:25Hold on there.
35:27Hold on, Terry. That's it. Good girl.
35:29That's it.
35:41Okay.
35:47I'll come back and get you or send help.
35:49Just hang on.
36:03Live like traitors.
36:05Die like traitors.
36:07No time for questions, Max.
36:09Give him that address.
36:10Tell him he'll find Jacqueline, Paul, and Iggy there.
36:12All of them?
36:13All of them.
36:14Are they all right, Terry?
36:15Terry, what's going on?
36:17No time, Max.
36:18I'll explain later.
36:40Billy!
36:41Yeah?
36:42Billy, you've got to hide me.
36:43What?
36:44You've got to hide me.
36:45I can get Helene back, but I need your help.
36:47Helene? Helene's all right?
36:48She's fine, but you've got to hide me now.
36:50I'll explain it to you later.
36:52Here.
36:58I'm sorry.
37:00I'm sorry.
37:02I'm sorry.
37:04I'm sorry.
37:06I'm sorry.
37:09I'm sorry.
37:14Where is she?
37:15Who?
37:16The one called Kelly.
37:18All the skaters are on the ice.
37:39She came this way.
37:41She must be here.
37:43I told you.
37:45All the skaters are on the ice.
37:50Durgas thinks you lie.
38:09It's late.
38:11Let's go.
38:13The girl.
38:14We've got to find her.
38:16She can't do anything now.
38:18It's too late.
38:19Get everything ready.
38:21Lucky for you, I got to go.
38:30Okay.
38:32Okay.
38:34Okay.
38:36Okay.
38:38Come on, Billy. I've got to get into costume.
38:55She has to be on the ice.
38:58Are you Billy the Towel Boy telling me, Alvin, the artistic director of this entire show, what to do?
39:04Yes.
39:06Well, actually, the routine does work better with six.
39:09Come on, boys and girls. Speed. Speed is of the essence.
39:12When are you going to get Helene back?
39:15Soon, Billy. Soon. Come on.
39:21Are you sure you're all right?
39:23I'm fine. So are the others.
39:25I'll feel terrific when we figure out the mystery of Section D.
39:27All right. Well, so what do we do in the meantime?
39:30I don't know. Play it by ear, honey. Play it by ear.
39:33Okay.
39:50Bobby, look.
39:56All right.
40:03And now, here's Denny Deer and Crispin Rose on Clouds.
40:33Oh, my God.
41:03Oh, my God.
41:33Oh, my God.
42:04Oh, my God.
42:09Oh, my God.
42:25Oh, my God.
42:27Oh, my God.
42:33Oh, my God.
43:03Oh, my God.
43:33Oh, my God.
43:51What is she doing?
43:53Here. It's free.
43:56What are you... What are you doing?
43:59I'm trying to talk to you. You have to do it in front of 10,000 people?
44:02Is that funny?
44:04You aren't funny. I can't stand her.
44:25Come on, Bobby.
44:31Come on, Bobby.
44:32Where?
44:33To the tunnel.
44:34Charlie said to watch Section D.
44:36Well, watch it from the tunnel.
44:37What's going on?
44:38This is gonna get killed if we don't get there. Come on.
44:40Huh?
44:55Tomorrow, our country will be in the hands of two crazy hoes.
45:25Oh, my God.
45:49What is this, children?
45:51Your positions are way off.
45:54You know, that's the first time they've gooped.
45:56Well, they're only human.
45:58I wonder.
46:15Kelly!
46:25Oh!
46:36You okay, Sabrina?
46:37I am.
46:54Between me and the night, you ain't so tough, Yerges.
46:57Darn this.
46:58What's-her-name, you camelina?
47:25Oh!
47:43If we hadn't stopped them, they would have shot all the people in Section D.
47:46And tried to gain control of an awful lot of the world's oil.
47:49Were they all from the same group?
47:51No, no.
47:52They're dissidents from the underground of six Arab countries.
47:55Wouldn't you know it.
47:56The sheiks come here for an OPEC meeting,
47:58go out for a little entertainment,
47:59and end up as the stars in a shooting gallery,
48:01and they don't even know it.
48:02They do now.
48:03They're on their way back home with presents for the loyal
48:06and plans to put the underground six feet lower.
48:09Wait a minute.
48:10What's this expense?
48:12Fifty dollars for a belly dancing outfit?
48:14I bought everything but her perfume.
48:16If we go out of business, I can always go into belly dancing.
48:19Mm-hmm.
48:20And I can always clown around.
48:22I'm Bosley.
48:23We're going to need twelve more dollars.
48:26What for?
48:27Give them the money, Bosley.
48:29I have a feeling they're going to buy an old friend a very old present.
48:33Ah, vintage wine and a trio of lovelies.
48:39I tell you the truth, my beauties.
48:43I deserve this.
48:46Now, here's to my health and your hearts
48:51and may love abound in this needful world.
48:56Do you suppose we could get Mason to reform?
48:59Give up his vino?
49:01Not as long as there's a water shortage.
49:03Patriots all through!
49:06Patriots!
49:15Patriots!
49:45Patriots!
49:46Patriots!