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00:00 [Music]
00:02 [Music]
00:31 [Cows mooing]
00:33 This is nice country.
00:35 Maybe I'll retire out here.
00:38 Tell them all to go to hell.
00:40 This may seem like an exotic getaway from the hustle and bustle of the alley,
00:46 but if you lived out here for a month, you'd go crazy.
00:49 The cows seem happy.
00:51 Well, that's 'cause they're not being slaughtered.
00:54 Talk to 'em again in two weeks.
00:56 [Music]
01:08 The people out here are simple folk, but if you don't put on any airs,
01:12 [Groans]
01:14 Is that a propane tank?
01:16 Madness.
01:18 This is the essence of prop comedy.
01:21 You take something boring and make it fun.
01:24 [Cocks gun]
01:27 So, is it premium or have you been regular?
01:31 Cough for me.
01:33 [Coughs]
01:35 [Cows mooing]
01:37 How's it going, Hank?
01:39 Howdy, Roy.
01:40 Your boy's pretty handy with the rope.
01:42 He's shaping up for the rodeo next week.
01:45 That's your boy?
01:46 Truth is, if you're under 40, you don't need this test.
01:51 [Sighs]
01:53 It was like me and the tank were playing off each other.
01:57 We had a tough crowd, but I finally got a smile out of that Roy guy.
02:02 I was in the zone.
02:04 Hey, Dad, we could paint your grill like a monkey.
02:08 [Sighs]
02:09 Bobby, you know how you used to like dressing up like a cowboy?
02:13 Well, now you could do it for real.
02:15 The rodeo's coming to town.
02:17 The rodeo's cruel to animals.
02:20 In nature, the bull lives peacefully with the giraffe.
02:25 It is brutal.
02:26 My uncle was a cowboy in the rodeo.
02:29 He had to leave Vietnam because he was waking up with rodeo nightmares.
02:33 It's just the kids' calf scramble. It's fun.
02:36 The animals are running around without any plays or game plans or anything.
02:42 Kind of like Barry Switzer was coaching them.
02:44 I like the part where I'm running around with Veal.
02:48 And you'd be performing in front of crowds, Bobby.
02:51 You know, a lot of cowboys became entertainers.
02:54 Gene Autry, Roy Rogers.
02:56 Roy Rogers makes a good burger.
02:59 Yes, he does.
03:01 Peggy, I had some good clothes lined somewhere.
03:03 Oh, it's up with the wine glasses.
03:09 (moaning)
03:15 Come on, Bobby. Rope that cow.
03:17 (sneezing)
03:19 Hey, all right, son.
03:21 Now, that is a skill.
03:23 You know, it would be good to use a live animal.
03:26 But we don't want to hurt Lady Bird.
03:28 Huh.
03:30 (humming)
03:34 (music)
03:38 (coughing)
03:43 You know what, man?
03:44 I'm going to hog that bill like a dang old ten-pounder of a roast, man.
03:48 And that's like having a head once in a new guinea, man.
03:51 I'm going to tell you that. I'm going to pidgeon that.
03:53 I think he has the goods to turn pro.
03:56 Bobby, not Bill.
03:57 Hey, you know, Bobby, ow, my wrist.
04:00 If I hadn't been drinking my beer, that would have been right around my neck.
04:04 Bobby is going to kick butt at that rodeo.
04:07 Mr. Dough Tree was much smarter and faster than any baby cow.
04:12 Well, quicker over short distances.
04:15 We should do the rodeo together.
04:17 All you need is your parents' permission.
04:20 Aw, Dad, can I?
04:22 Sure, son. You can ask your mom.
04:24 (music)
04:34 (laughing)
04:38 Untie the queen.
04:40 (music)
04:54 Record time.
04:55 (music)
04:59 I feel quicker in these pants.
05:02 (mumbling)
05:04 Mom! Mom! Mom!
05:08 Oh, hello there.
05:10 Bobby, pants.
05:13 The salesman said with children's western wear,
05:16 the hard thing is if you don't want husky sizes.
05:20 Look at that painting, Peggy.
05:22 Great art makes you think.
05:24 And what I'm thinking is maybe the rodeo is what Bobby was cut out for.
05:34 Let's go eat some steaks.
05:38 (music)
05:48 How'd you get that belt buckle?
05:50 I want a belt buckle.
05:52 Well, I won the bull riding in Tucson.
05:55 Wow. How'd she get that buckle?
05:59 Oh, it's buckle bunny. She got that by being friends with a cowboy.
06:05 Hey, even if I don't win, I can be a buckle bunny.
06:10 Just give him the forms.
06:12 Now that our young cowboats are ready, it's time for our calf scramble.
06:18 20 calves, 20 boys. One to a customer, please.
06:21 First boy to high-tie a calf wins a $50 savings bond, courtesy of Fathers and Fuels.
06:26 Tell 'em to eat with warmth.
06:28 That's a lie.
06:29 All right, Joseph. Tie him tight, then quick and clean across the throat.
06:34 He'll never feel a thing.
06:36 Uh, Dale, I think you just tie him up.
06:39 There's no killing involved.
06:44 We need to pick up something for dinner on the way home.
06:47 Son, you're gonna be up against farm boys.
06:51 But we fed you like a farm boy, so go get 'em.
06:57 All right, if our young bucks are ready, our young bulls are, too.
07:00 It's gonna get crazy out there. Every cow for himself.
07:02 Don't have anything, we're too late, then go home.
07:05 (cheering)
07:33 That's it, Bobby. Tie him up.
07:36 Rope him, tie him, grind him, fry him, take him home and mince meat pie him.
07:41 And down you go.
07:45 Go down.
07:57 Hey, Joseph, how do you...
08:00 Time!
08:03 Another momentous day for the family gribble.
08:08 You're going down, sister.
08:13 Rolling!
08:15 Uh, yeah, yeah, that's it, Bobby. Tie him out.
08:20 (cheering)
08:24 He's not funny.
08:26 Hey, mister, where's the fire?
08:29 He says, where's the fire?
08:33 (cheering)
08:40 Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Willie and Kit Hally are rodeo clowns.
08:49 (cheering)
08:55 Rodeo clowns. Oh, my God.
09:13 Excuse me, sir, are you Zip Twilly?
09:16 What do you want?
09:18 I don't know what your mama told you, but I had a vasectomy in 1983.
09:22 Well, I'm not after your money. I want to be a rodeo clown like you.
09:28 How old are you?
09:29 I'm in the seventh grade, but I'm just talking about after school while you're in town. I'm good.
09:37 Son, we're doing fine on our own, so if you'll go back to the seventh grade, me and Chet are going to round up the beer cans.
09:48 The baby routine doesn't work. It's all talk.
09:54 When the diaper blows up, it's like, finally.
09:58 Then the doctor comes out and his bag explodes. What the heck does that mean?
10:05 There's a logic to an exploding diaper.
10:09 Kid cut a fart, fine. Why would the bag explode?
10:16 We've been doing the baby routine for 20 years.
10:19 Why does that not surprise me?
10:22 You need to get out of your ivory tower and see what's happening on the street.
10:28 Give the baby a giant bottle. He can hit you with it. He can squirt you with it.
10:34 Now I'm laughing.
10:36 Kid knows his stuff.
10:38 He doesn't have a costume, doesn't know the animals.
10:41 I can learn. How about you?
10:44 Okay, but if anyone asks, you're a midget.
10:48 He's too big to be a midget.
10:50 Nobody's going to ask.
10:52 Dang rodeo clowns. Zippo and Frepp, Tapley.
11:02 Now I'm going to have to throw this out. Who knows what else they use that bucket for.
11:07 You do not want to know. We had rodeo clowns in Montana.
11:11 They are not just inconsiderate.
11:14 They are diseased freaks who will cut your throat for your invisible dog.
11:18 And where do you think they get those ridiculous costumes?
11:22 I'll tell you where. From Montgomery Weird.
11:26 You should send that in to Joan Rivers.
11:33 Yeah, that's where I got it.
11:36 [Laughter]
11:40 [Music]
12:08 Desert Rose.
12:11 Autumn Sunset. Yes.
12:16 Which is funnier? A happy clown or a sad clown?
12:23 Ah, six of one.
12:25 You know, they gotta let you be a clown. You're the funniest person I know.
12:30 Well, your dad's really funny.
12:34 Wow. I'm not sure even Cary Strugg could do that move in cowboy boots.
12:41 Ugh, Cary Strugg in cowboy boots.
12:46 Joseph Grebel on Frog of Zara.
12:49 He's draping him up to a thousand eighty-five.
12:57 Those boxers haven't been made for twenty years.
13:02 Where'd you get 'em?
13:04 Wouldn't you like to know?
13:06 Alright, you got the look. But let's see you get a horse to notice you.
13:10 This guy's going down.
13:12 And now back to the adults. Give all your encouragement to Clay Henry, because he's right.
13:17 Mr. Dead. A horse is a person, of course.
13:21 Be my guest.
13:28 Yoo-hoo!
13:32 Aloha-yu, aloha-yu.
13:45 Okay, then.
13:52 Yoo-hoo!
13:55 Whoa!
13:58 Hey there, Ben Cartwright. When's your next calf scramble?
14:15 Uh, they keep shifting things around to keep us on our toes.
14:21 Well, when you find out, I'll put in for the Strickland Luxury Box.
14:26 Hector's got the afternoons reserved, but if I send him to McMainerberry in the old truck, what's he gonna do about it?
14:33 Okay, but like I said...
14:36 I hear Joseph won another belt buckle.
14:39 You mean this? Anyone wanna wrestle me for it?
14:44 I have Joseph's strength now.
14:47 I tell you what, this rodeo's worked out pretty good for both our sons.
14:51 I haven't heard the words "prop comic" since Bobby picked up a rope.
14:56 And it keeps him away from the video games.
14:59 He was playing this Tomb Raider game where he was a girl.
15:04 What are you talking about?
15:09 What are you talking about?
15:13 I think I'm ready to save some cowboys.
15:16 Cowboys? We save their butts when they get thrown, but they'll pull down your britches when you're talking to your woman.
15:23 You guys have women?
15:26 Yes.
15:28 My best friend's a cowboy.
15:31 Maybe we can start the healing, because the cowboys and the clowns should be friends.
15:37 We eat the same dust, we've got the same smell.
15:42 What happened?
15:48 The last thing I remember is being kicked by a horse.
15:53 Come on, Bobby, we can't let your dad see you in clown makeup.
15:57 Hey, Joseph, they say rodeo clowns smell like cow pies, but I eat hers the other way around.
16:09 Your first concussion. Now don't fall asleep, son, both because you could die and because I want to tell you how proud I am.
16:17 I mean, look at you, the bruises, the dirty clothes, the smell. You're all right. Is there anything I can get you?
16:25 The blonde girl who lives here said I like fruit pies.
16:30 No, you don't. A tough guy like you, you like sports.
16:35 Now, kid, it's hard for an old clown to admit he's made a mistake.
16:40 It's a lot easier just to leave town and change your name.
16:43 But when I said you didn't have what it takes to be a rodeo clown, I was wrong.
16:51 Here's your ass pat, son.
16:58 Your lunch money had a Canadian quarter.
17:02 Hey, Julie, that little squirt's not bothering you.
17:06 Now, if you want to see an annoying little squirt.
17:20 You've got dust coming out of your butt.
17:23 Come on, Bobby, you've proved your point. You're weirding me out.
17:28 Allow me to turn the other cheek.
17:36 Look, Peggy, I think he's loping. He's actually loping.
17:41 Well, he's skipping now, but he was loping.
17:45 Our little cowboy is becoming a cowman.
17:48 I didn't tell Bobby, but I'm bringing a client to the rodeo this afternoon.
17:53 I wouldn't want Bobby to know a propane sale is hanging in the balance.
17:58 Grab another buckle on Joseph Grebel, his third win this week.
18:05 Wait a minute, ladies and gentlemen. We have a late entrant in the chicken roping.
18:10 Oh.
18:32 The clown fell in some poop.
18:47 That's my underwear.
18:50 Huh. Well, that's one mystery solved.
18:53 Why would that clown want to...
18:55 Those are Peggy's shoes.
18:58 Hank, it's Bobby.
19:01 Bobby? Bobby!
19:06 Isn't that your friend?
19:10 Well, he lives next door to me, but...
19:14 They say that rodeo clowns smell like cow pies, but I hear it's the other way around.
19:23 Ha! He's funnier than Bobby, too.
19:34 Baby, this is my fault.
19:36 I kept clowns away from him as a child, so he never got scared by one.
19:41 Do not be so hard on yourself. It is not your fault.
19:46 It's all my fault.
19:48 My uncle wasn't a cowboy, Hank.
19:51 He was a dirty, drunken rodeo clown.
19:56 Don't tell me. Uncle Bofo?
19:59 Uh-huh.
20:05 That's Luanne's makeup.
20:07 You're not only a clown, you're a thief. I don't know which is worse.
20:12 Clown.
20:15 Bobby, I'm trying to help you.
20:17 You see, a circus clown is a carny who's too stupid to flip a ride switch on and off.
20:23 Now, you take a circus clown, roll him on the barn floor, and kick him in the head a couple hundred times, and what have you got?
20:31 Your son.
20:34 Yep.
20:36 Yep.
20:37 Ah. Mm-hmm.
20:41 Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
20:44 Okay, Dale.
20:46 Hey, Dad, I won the goat roping, and they're gonna let me ride a baby bull tomorrow.
20:52 My time was so good, they made me take a drug test.
20:55 Ha-ha. The only drug you're on is gribble-sillin'.
20:59 And you told me gribble-sillin' would possess no performance-enhancing qualities.
21:06 [Bell dings]
21:09 [Indistinct chatter]
21:15 Cheer up, Bobby.
21:17 Except for the cowboy and the man who straps the bull's genitals, there's nobody more important than the friend cheering in the stands.
21:28 And now our special event, riding our baby bull problem child is our freak uncle boy, Joseph Ribble.
21:34 I'm gonna get a hot dog.
21:37 I love my boy. Don't you love my boy, Hank?
21:42 [Horn honks]
21:44 [Grunting]
21:46 Come on! Come on!
21:48 Come on!
21:50 [Grunting]
21:55 [Grunts]
21:57 [Grunting]
22:04 [Screams]
22:06 [Gasps]
22:08 Zip!
22:10 [Grunts]
22:12 [Horn honks]
22:14 [Grunting]
22:20 Oh, dear. That boy is gonna be good.
22:25 [Grunts]
22:27 [Grunts]
22:29 [Grunts]
22:31 [Grunts]
22:33 Bobby, wait.
22:35 [Bell dings]
22:37 [Bell dings]
22:43 Go, Bobby.
22:45 [Horn honks]
22:47 What are you talking about?
22:50 What are you talking about?
22:53 What are you talking about?
22:58 What are you talking about?
23:03 [Grunts]
23:08 [Grunts]
23:10 Oh. Oh.
23:13 What did I eat?
23:16 [Splashes]
23:18 Oh, please, everyone, everyone, avoid the nachos.
23:24 [Splashes]
23:26 Oy.
23:28 Oy.
23:30 [Splashes]
23:32 [Grunts]
23:34 [Grunts]
23:36 [Grunts]
23:38 [Grunts]
23:40 Don't worry, everybody. I'm fine.
23:44 [Splashes]
23:45 Oy. Not so fine.
23:48 [Splashes]
23:59 There's only room for one autograph.
24:02 I'd much rather have one of your buckles.
24:06 Okay.
24:07 But that doesn't make you my buckle bunny.
24:10 Oh, yes, sir, it does.
24:12 [Music]
24:19 [Music]
24:23 [Music]
24:28 [Music]
24:33 [Music]
24:38 [Music]
24:43 [Music]
24:48 [Music]
24:53 Here's your ass, Pat, son.