Gogglebox S24 Ep03
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00:00Why is your dog crying?
00:02Literally, why is your dog crying?
00:05Raffy? Where is he? He's crying at the front door. What's wrong? What's wrong?
00:18No! Here we go. They've got him. Oh! What you doing? Oh, she's a chicken nugget.
00:25Isn't it embarrassing Merlin?
00:28Oh, kiss. Oh, that's a bit forward. This is raunchy, isn't it?
00:32Bring on the delves. Yeah!
00:34Who's in for the finger this week, isn't it?
00:37It's so bad, it's actually good. It's actually good. What just happened?
00:42Siri, call Ofcom. In the week a mini tornado hit Luton, we enjoyed lots of great telly.
00:51A fresh set of shiny celebs dazzled on Strictly.
00:57In my heart, the smile is open, open door.
01:02Go compare, go compare.
01:05He's got a twin and all, his brother does it. Has he? Yeah. He has him, that's him.
01:11He does both of them. Oh, I thought he had a twin.
01:19Oh, freaking hell. I thought he was a twin.
01:23It's the same person.
01:27Sort of like.
01:30The Labour Party conference was fixated by freebies.
01:34She is also defending her declarations over a stay at a donor's apartment in New York.
01:40I always get confused when they mention the word donor because I'm always thinking of kidney donors.
01:45You know what I'm thinking when they say donor? What? Donor kebab.
01:50Did someone give her a donor kebab and would that have been illegal, Mary?
01:55That's the key question at this conference.
01:59And special forces were on the hunt for new recruits on Channel 4.
02:04The only way these celebrities are going to find their potential
02:07is to make their lives a living hell.
02:11There isn't going to be an easy way out.
02:13I'm already thinking about quitting running.
02:16You're not. I am.
02:17You're not.
02:18I don't want to go for that 5k tomorrow.
02:21It's too hard. I don't have time. I can't be arsed.
02:25I've had enough now.
02:34In North London...
02:35I feel like I've been away for a whole week and so much around the house has changed.
02:40Dad's gone and messed up the whole bathroom.
02:42Yeah, a lot has happened.
02:44Sisters Amira and Amani...
02:46One thing about me is when I move out of my house,
02:49everything's getting done by a professional.
02:51I ain't calling Dad for nothing.
02:53No DIY.
02:54No DIY. When I said to him like,
02:55oh yeah, I'm still looking for houses and stuff,
02:59and then he was like to me,
03:00oh yeah, when you move out, yeah,
03:01I'll come fix up the place for you, whatever you need.
03:04Anything needed, stolen, I'll be there, don't worry.
03:06And I said...
03:07I'm all right.
03:08I'm OK, thank you.
03:10Put those tools to rest, please.
03:12All right, Peter, your repair skills.
03:15He used to be better before.
03:16He's just too old now.
03:17Yeah, 100%.
03:20On Saturday night, the ballroom bonanza was back
03:24as the celebs took to the floor for the first time.
03:27Oh, don't spill it on Meg.
03:40We love a bit of shrively in this house.
03:42We do, we do.
03:45Some more than others.
03:46I'm excited.
03:50Oh, it's Chris.
03:51Oh, I like old Chris.
03:52This has got to be a first for Strictly because he's blind.
03:56Yeah.
03:57He can't see.
04:01I'm going to be honest, I'm shocked Strictly's back on.
04:06Well, this will just be pleasantly bland.
04:12Dancing the cha-cha, Chris McCausland and Diane Buswell.
04:16Come on, Chris.
04:18The cha-cha, that's the one that goes like this, isn't it?
04:21You say every dance goes like that.
04:22I'm yet to see one that does.
04:28Oh, it's the Beatles.
04:29I mean, it's scouty, you know, dancing to the Beatles.
04:32That's like us, you know, dancing to one of the Nolan numbers.
04:34Exactly.
04:35I'm in the mood for dancing.
04:36Am I?
04:40Oh, he's jiving his hips, look.
04:41Get a bit of movement in there.
04:43He's warming up, he's warming up the lad.
04:50Twist and shout.
04:52Go on, Chris.
04:53Look at that.
04:54You wouldn't know he was blind there, would you?
04:56He's only walked with her.
05:01It's proper dad dancing that, Chris, isn't it?
05:03Go on.
05:04That's how you dance.
05:10It's not bad, is it?
05:12It's not bad at all.
05:13I suppose if you've got rhythm, you've got rhythm, haven't you?
05:15Yeah, that's it.
05:16He is a bit wooden, though.
05:18It's week one.
05:19You've got to give him credit.
05:20He's very good for week one.
05:25Oh, I bet he'll like guitar.
05:27He wants to be careful if he's strumming the wrong bit.
05:31There's only so many scandals he can have before they shut the door.
05:44Freaking hell, I'm out of breath.
05:48Woo!
05:50Oh, and a knee slide.
05:52I think he overcooked that a little bit.
05:53Yeah.
05:54Nearly on his arse, bless him.
06:00Do you know what?
06:01How she's guided him is actually seamless.
06:03You wouldn't even notice.
06:08Oh, no, that wasn't very good.
06:10That looked like he was dragging her out of a burning building, that last bit.
06:16No, that's unreal.
06:18Not going to lie, if I was Chris's age, he'd be looking real hot right now.
06:27Yes, well done.
06:30I think it could have done better.
06:32It's kind of crazy to feel that, you know,
06:34there's all this toxic atmosphere in the background, but it's so cheerful.
06:39So jovial.
06:40Good for Chris, Mary.
06:42Clearly having the time of his life.
06:44Why are you looking at me like that?
06:47Why are you looking at me like that, Mary?
06:48I was just wondering why you were saying that, as if you were a robot.
06:52Clearly having the time of his life.
06:54Yeah, yeah.
06:55Just can you be yourself, Charles?
06:57Clearly having the time of his life.
06:59Who are you channelling?
07:00Clearly having the time of his life.
07:05In Leeds.
07:07Right, so tell me, how do I hold the chicken?
07:10How do I hold the chicken?
07:11So, your two index fingers.
07:14These are my two index fingers, are they not?
07:15No, the middle, the two middle fingers.
07:17Two middle fingers.
07:18And then the other two outer fingers go either side of the legs.
07:22Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
07:24Shall I put her on the floor and then you pick her up?
07:26I'll pick her up from the floor.
07:27Because I don't want to.
07:30Oh my Christ.
07:32I mean, I don't think I can do it.
07:33Oh, I can't do it Ellie, seriously, I can't.
07:41I can't become a chicken, I can't.
07:47Let me try again.
07:51Here we go.
07:55That's wrong schedule.
07:58On Monday night, more kids were meddling with their parents' love life on ITV1.
08:04Oh, God, I can't imagine watching mum or dad date.
08:09That would cringe me out to the bone.
08:10That would be so cringe.
08:11Just the thought of them being romantic in general.
08:15Ugh, no thank you.
08:15It's just making me ill.
08:20And at the right age, but I don't have kids,
08:22could I borrow Max for the purposes of the show?
08:26He'd probably prefer you on it than me on it, so yes.
08:29Good point.
08:29You probably could borrow Max.
08:31My mum, your uncle.
08:34In the programme, Davina had a surprise in store for the middle-aged singletons.
08:39I want to talk to you about something that you haven't been aware of.
08:43Oh, what's that?
08:44And that is a secret room that you lot have not had access to.
08:49Oh, it's not a love den, is it?
08:51It's a red room.
08:53I don't think it's a red room, Jenny.
08:55It's called The Snug.
08:56Sexy Snug.
08:58The Sexy Snug.
08:59It's just a really nice private space for two of you to get to know each other better.
09:06Oh, how disgusting.
09:08Think it's got cameras in there?
09:09Of course it's got cameras.
09:11But what the kids don't know.
09:13What don't the kids know?
09:15What don't the kids know?
09:17You have the power to cut the feed to the kids' bunker.
09:21Oh my god, that means they can get jiggy.
09:25So if they wanted to have a bit of quiet time.
09:30Well, you was going to say sexual.
09:31I don't know why you didn't say it.
09:33The children chose Danny.
09:38Fantastic.
09:41Lovely.
09:43Jenny, would you like to come with me to The Snug?
09:45I'd love to.
09:46No, I would not want to be Jenny's son right now, honestly.
09:50Oh, I'll be saying, my mum's not going in there.
09:52My bloody lovely mother's not going anywhere near The Snug.
09:55Get your hands off my mother in that snug.
09:58She's a saint.
09:59You pig.
10:02Enjoy.
10:03Have a great time, both of you.
10:05Oh, they're going now.
10:06Right, strike while the iron's hot.
10:08They're going snogging in The Snug.
10:10Snogging in The Snuggit.
10:12Could you imagine mum snogging?
10:14It is sexy in there, isn't it?
10:16That is a sexy, sexy room.
10:18That's a shag pad if I've ever seen one.
10:20I bet it smells like an Avon catalogue in there.
10:26What's this?
10:27Switch me off.
10:28There's the switch.
10:30Switch me off, love.
10:33Are there any questions that you want to ask me away from a party?
10:37I'm not going to ask you any questions.
10:39I'm not going to ask you any questions.
10:40Are there any questions that you want to ask me away from Avon?
10:45Come on.
10:46This is when we can get the juicy information out.
10:48This is your chance.
10:49I want to know everything about you.
10:51That's a good answer, isn't it?
10:54Yeah.
10:56What's the matter?
10:56I don't know.
10:57I don't know if I'm finding them cringy yet or if it's going.
10:59Of course they're cringy, Jane.
11:00So I went to an all-girls Catholic school.
11:03Right.
11:05When Malachi was young, I started retraining to become a solicitor.
11:10The law conversion took two years.
11:14Oh, no, Jenny.
11:16Jenny, you're killing the vibe.
11:17Oh, Jesus.
11:18You're killing the vibe.
11:19This is you?
11:20Yeah, a thousand percent.
11:21And I worked for a financial advisor.
11:24He's fidgeting, isn't he?
11:26It's actually a CV.
11:28Became a PA, and then I worked in HR for the Manchester airport.
11:32Oh, no.
11:33He's wishing that switch would fucking stop her talking, though, isn't he?
11:37Oh, bless her.
11:37She probably hasn't done this in a long time, isn't it?
11:40What about you?
11:42Where do you want me to start?
11:43What do you want me to do?
11:44Do you want my career history, much like yourself?
11:47No?
11:47No, I did not either, but thanks for letting me have it.
11:49Daddy's got a bite to do.
11:50At least he finds everything funny, man.
11:52You've got amazing lips.
11:54Here we go.
11:54Yeah, he's putting the groundwork in now.
11:57Yeah.
11:58I've been looking at your lips ever since we had that bowls match.
12:02You've got the most incredible lips.
12:05Oh, my God.
12:08He likes her lips, doesn't he?
12:09Kiss them, then.
12:10Yeah, go on.
12:14Here we go.
12:15Flick it, flick it, flick it.
12:17Cut the feed, cut the feed.
12:24We get it, though.
12:27Malachi's face, look at Malachi's face.
12:29Oh, yeah.
12:30You've got a new daddy.
12:33Every morning, I've woken up really excited to come downstairs and see everybody.
12:38Still talking.
12:39Oh, hello.
12:40You flip the switch?
12:41What are you doing?
12:42Shut up.
12:43Kiss.
12:44Now, I've been waking up every morning excited to find you.
12:49Oh, that's so sweet.
12:52He's just switched the camera off so that he can get all soppy.
12:55Yeah.
12:58What's that?
12:59What's that?
13:00That's a cute face.
13:04Oh, she just went for it.
13:06Yeah, go on.
13:07Thank Jesus Christ.
13:08That was a quick peck.
13:10Yeah, it was a peck.
13:10That's enough.
13:12What else?
13:12Oh, I don't know.
13:13Let's think of something to talk about quickly.
13:20Let's think of something to...
13:24Well, it's been a very, very good evening.
13:28Thank you very much for inviting me to the snug.
13:31Oh.
13:32Is that it?
13:32Because the kids are going to be imagining a lot worse than what actually happened.
13:37They are.
13:37Accidentally switching back on.
13:40He gets knocked back on.
13:42He's on all fours.
13:47He's on all fours.
13:48He gets knocked back on and he's like...
13:54If there's any choice, you know.
13:56Yeah.
14:05In hall...
14:06Do you want a sausage roll?
14:07I've got you a sausage roll.
14:08Oh, thank you.
14:09Best friends, Jenny and Lee.
14:11There you go.
14:13What's that?
14:14There.
14:15What's that for?
14:16There.
14:18Oh, Lee.
14:24I won't do...
14:25You will.
14:26You will.
14:29Not one crumb.
14:31Yeah, you will.
14:32Believe me.
14:33That's the first bite.
14:34They usually chuck it all over you.
14:36I can't have a bit.
14:42Oh, I could get used to wearing rubber.
14:46On Sunday night, Foxy and the gang were back on Channel 4,
14:50putting some recognisable recruits through their paces.
14:53I mean, if you think about it,
14:55all this is basically a 5K Tough Mudder, if you ask me.
14:57You know, I just read it as celebrity sass.
15:00Oh...
15:02Yas!
15:03You wouldn't be able to wear your flip-flops on this, would you?
15:05No.
15:06The only way these celebrities are going to find their potential
15:09is to make their lives a living hell.
15:12Oh, you've got me for that, love.
15:13I don't really want to unlock my full potential,
15:15to be honest with you,
15:15because I'll probably be quite dangerous.
15:21Look at them.
15:23I think I only watch this show for the training.
15:25Yeah.
15:26I would love to see you two on this, you know.
15:29I'd love to see you on it.
15:30Nah.
15:32Not a chance.
15:34Just walk at my pace.
15:36Keep your heads down.
15:37Don't break that chain.
15:38I don't like not knowing where I'm going.
15:40No.
15:41Anyway, I thought it was dangerous to put a bag over your head.
15:43I was always told never to put a plastic bag on my head.
15:46When it's not plastic, they're breathable.
15:47The recruits are being led through Skipper's Canyon.
15:50It's a shame they've got bags on their heads
15:52because the view's gorgeous.
15:54Watch me jowls.
15:56John Barrowman.
15:57Who are you?
15:58John.
15:59Oh, he's coloured his hair.
16:00Again.
16:01That's why I didn't know it was him.
16:02A while ago, he was on everything.
16:04He was all over the telly.
16:05Then all of a sudden, he just stopped on it.
16:07I think there's a bit of a scandal, Tom.
16:09The press made the allegation that I was going around
16:12putting my dick on everybody's shoulders.
16:15What was that?
16:16His dick?
16:17What?
16:18I'm confused.
16:19The press made it sound like he was putting his dick
16:22on people's shoulders.
16:26That would be impossible to do.
16:29Unless he was 10 foot tall.
16:31Having that happen to me ruined me.
16:33He's got a bit of a smirk on his face, hasn't he?
16:36He's thinking that shoulders could do with a dick.
16:38A dick on it, yeah.
16:39Yeah.
16:40I want people to see the kind of person that I really am.
16:43He wants people to say that he's actually hard as fork.
16:46He wants to uncancel himself.
16:48Yeah, basically is what he's on doing this for.
16:50For no other reason but himself.
16:52Turn around.
16:56Oh, my God.
16:57What is that?
16:58Oh, it's a bridge.
16:59Oh, no.
16:59Have they got to get on that ledge?
17:01That platform, yeah.
17:02The recruits must traverse two parallel bars.
17:05Traverse, that means walk.
17:07Suspended 335 feet above the Canyon River.
17:12Oh, no, not doing it.
17:13Send me home on the first flight.
17:15I couldn't even do that on a ladder laid on the floor.
17:17I'd be all wappy-woosy flashing lights.
17:19I would.
17:20Attempting the Trenasium crossing is actor John Barrowman.
17:25How's Barrowman?
17:26Do you think he's going to use his dick to try and balance across?
17:29Yeah.
17:29Steady, steady, steady, steady, steady, steady.
17:31Nice and steady.
17:32Keep it going.
17:32Just look ahead.
17:34The one thing is don't look down.
17:35Yeah, don't look down.
17:37Please.
17:37Everybody goes, don't look down, everybody goes.
17:39Yeah.
17:40You can do this.
17:41Keep coming.
17:43I've come through a shit storm.
17:45Oh, my God.
17:45Look, it's wobbling all over.
17:47I couldn't do with that.
17:49Goodbye.
17:50Oh, he's gone, he's gone, he's gone.
17:52We've got a bit of a clatter on the way down there as well.
17:56Watch your helmet on the bar.
17:59Miserable fail.
18:01Miserable fail.
18:03Nice to give them a little bit of encouragement, isn't it?
18:06Even watching it's horrific.
18:08Oh, my God.
18:09Bobby is not OK.
18:12Oi, come on.
18:13Come on, Norris.
18:14Channel your inner Chuck.
18:16Come on.
18:16He's scared.
18:17Get into the actual challenge.
18:18This is going to be a problem.
18:19I'm going to put my balls on the table and do it.
18:22Don't, you'll get cancelled.
18:23Take a leaf out of John's book.
18:25Don't do it.
18:25He's been there and done that.
18:26Stand on the edge.
18:27I'm trying, I'm trying.
18:28Stand on the edge.
18:30I'm trying, Steph.
18:31Can't stand up.
18:33I'm trying.
18:36He just needs a little gentle persuasion.
18:40There you go.
18:44Sounds like a fucking sheep.
18:45I'm trying, I'm trying.
18:47No, you're not.
18:48You're just standing there.
18:49Stop flapping your fingers.
18:51Just relax.
18:52Relax?
18:53How can you relax looking at that?
18:55God.
18:56My mind and my body are doing two completely different things.
18:58Well, coordinate the fucking things before I come over there and throw you off.
19:03You wouldn't get away with this in a normal workplace, would you?
19:05The fact that it's televised.
19:07Let's go.
19:07No more talk.
19:08Let's go.
19:10He's struggling to just stand up there, Bobby, isn't he?
19:12Come on, Bobby.
19:13Come on.
19:15Fail.
19:15No.
19:16Catastrophic fail.
19:18Oh, the failed him.
19:20Catastrophic fail.
19:22What a way to put it.
19:23Oh, my God.
19:24That is strong words.
19:25Get away from me.
19:26Get that thing clipped onto your chest first, because if you fall, you will die.
19:29Oh, fucking hell.
19:30You've seen half hour, haven't we?
19:32I said, well, what happens if you come in over here and tossing me off?
19:34Exactly.
19:35I think I'd just probably unclip the harnesses and throw myself off and I'm done with it.
19:41I'm going to die anyway.
19:42It's just told me I am.
19:44Yeah.
19:46In Derby.
19:48Happy birthday, dear Basit.
19:52Happy birthday to you.
19:54Oh, thanks, guys.
19:56That's wicked.
19:57The Siddiquis.
19:59You've made this?
20:00You made another one?
20:02Bloody hell, Dad.
20:03You know, last year you shamed me into not making you a birthday cake.
20:08Oh, yeah.
20:08Well, this year I thought I'll double it.
20:11Double the cake.
20:12Oh, my God.
20:12Revenge cake.
20:14Revenge cake is the best.
20:16I put the sparkler in.
20:17That's wicked.
20:17Thank you, man.
20:19Very central, isn't it?
20:19Very central.
20:20Thank you very much, Dad.
20:21That's beautiful.
20:23Oh, dear me.
20:27In Manchester.
20:28Here's remote, Julie.
20:31You really concentrate there today.
20:34Jesus Christ.
20:36Julie, you're not throwing it to me at all.
20:39The Malones.
20:41What are you doing?
20:42Just throwing it at me.
20:45This is, like, the worst.
20:45Oh!
20:49You missed that?
20:51Jesus.
20:52On Sunday, some government goings-on were in the spotlight on ITV News.
20:57I watch the news all the time after the developments.
21:02I know.
21:03Because I have a condition called hypervigilance.
21:06Yeah.
21:07This is on TV news.
21:09Yes, an Asian!
21:10The Labour Party conference officially began today,
21:13but if Sir Keir Starmer's top team hoped it would allow them to move on
21:16from a week of negative headlines, well, it hasn't gone to plan.
21:20Oh, dear.
21:21Oh, dear.
21:22It's not been a good start, has it, for it, really?
21:24It did inherit a lot of shit, to be fair.
21:27This should be the most exciting Labour conference for years.
21:30And it's not.
21:31But the question over donated tickets, holidays, and clothes
21:35The question over donated tickets, holidays, and clothes haven't gone away.
21:40So they're engulfed in a sleaze scandal, Mary.
21:44Just like the Tories used to be.
21:45They're just as bad as the Conservatives.
21:48Even Keir Starmer's wife got donated clothes.
21:51Yeah.
21:51For a fashion show.
21:52She looked lovely, though.
21:53She did look lovely.
21:53They looked very nice.
21:54Best I've seen her dress.
21:55Amongst today's speakers was Angela Rayner,
21:57visibly moved to be appearing here as deputy prime minister.
22:01She's feeling a bit vulnerable.
22:03No, she isn't.
22:04She's just being mawkish.
22:06I'll try not to get too emotional.
22:08Why?
22:08I'd be able to give you clothes back.
22:11She is also defending her declarations over a stay at a donor's apartment in New York.
22:17It is dear in New York, though, Julian, to be fair.
22:19If you got a free apartment out there, you'd have it, wouldn't you?
22:21But she did pay for her own flights.
22:23Well, that's kind of her, isn't it?
22:25I don't like that.
22:26She hasn't given the donor, like, a contract or something like that.
22:30Or paid out the taxpayers' money.
22:32Yeah.
22:33Yeah.
22:33Ministers are now bending over backwards to demonstrate transparency.
22:38Listen to the education secretary on accepting Taylor Swift tickets.
22:42Look, it was...
22:46Richard, they say I got the tickets, innit,
22:47and I accepted the tickets.
22:49I'm a big Taylor Swift fan.
22:50It's cool.
22:51I'll be honest.
22:51It was a hard one to turn down.
22:53It's a hard one to turn down.
22:54One of my children, you know, was keen to go along.
22:58Show me any parent in the country with a little girl that loves Taylor Swift
23:04that is going to turn down free tickets.
23:06Jenny, if Liberty liked Taylor Swift...
23:09Yeah.
23:09And you want...
23:10If you was offered some free tickets, would you take them?
23:13Yeah.
23:14It's hard to say no if you're offered tickets in no circumstance.
23:17I'm a Swifty and I'm proud.
23:20There was Conservative MPs giving their mates multi-million pound contracts.
23:24Yeah.
23:25But we're angry about Taylor Swift contracts.
23:28Call a Taylor Swift ticket, neither here nor there.
23:31But is this the gateway drug?
23:33This is the problem.
23:34You know, then you're accepting, you know, I don't know.
23:36Tooth whitening kit.
23:37Tooth whitening kit.
23:38Shit like that.
23:39You know, he's having laser hair removal.
23:41Be off to Turkey next, full tits and teeth.
23:44But what the Labour Party really needs here
23:47is to find a way to move on from the row about donations.
23:51I don't understand why this is actually news.
23:53I don't get it as well.
23:54I don't know.
23:55Do you know what?
23:56I've actually never had anything for free.
23:58And do you want to know the reason why?
24:00Why?
24:00Because then you'll be holding to somebody.
24:03Yes.
24:03That's why I don't borrow sod all.
24:05Yeah.
24:05Even if somebody goes, oh, you know, I'll give you a lift.
24:09No.
24:10No.
24:11I'll pay you to help me.
24:12Yeah.
24:12But the simple reason...
24:14What?
24:14Hang on a minute.
24:15You say you don't borrow anything.
24:17How long have you had my lawnmower?
24:18Oh, fuck off.
24:20You bought a new one now, anyway.
24:22Exactly.
24:31In Blackpool...
24:32I've got a right nightmare at home.
24:34What?
24:34I got in from here last night, right, and I said to Pete,
24:37I need to find the log book for the car.
24:39Oh, no.
24:41Because it needs taxing.
24:43Pete and his little sister, Sophie.
24:46Pete and his little sister, Sophie.
24:49Oh, God.
24:50Only I had them on the windowsill in the bedroom.
24:52You know what Paige is like.
24:54Bin.
24:54Yeah.
24:55Yeah.
24:56She goes, oh, well, I don't know.
24:57I don't know.
24:58I can't find it.
24:58I can't find it.
24:59I said, well, you need to find it.
25:01She went, well, I think it's in the loft.
25:03So silly me, I get the ladder out, go up into the loft.
25:07So was the log book in there or not?
25:08No.
25:09Do you know where it was?
25:10In the back bedroom where she'd put it.
25:12I was stood in the loft, smacked my head off the roof,
25:15and she went, oh, I found it.
25:16It's in the back bedroom.
25:18I went, I'm going to bed.
25:21On Tuesday night, animal experts were at it again on Channel 5.
25:26Oh, please grow up, Charles.
25:27Sorry, Mary, but Yorkshire Vet's coming on.
25:34They're a lovely bunch of fellas, the Yorkshire Vets.
25:36Yeah.
25:36Do you know that Julian's practice is only in Weatherby?
25:39Oh, I know.
25:40We need to get our animals in with him, don't we?
25:43I'll have to take my chickens to see him.
25:45Across Yorkshire, in Rodney Sheard's family,
25:48sheep farming is in the blood.
25:50Oh, I love sheep.
25:52I actually wouldn't have minded being a farmer,
25:56but it's just the sadness I couldn't deal with.
25:59My mum always wanted to marry a farmer, you know.
26:02And this little one is granddaughter Ella.
26:04Granddaughter Ella.
26:06They're proper dadars, aren't they?
26:08Ella already has a special bond with her favourite sheep on the farm.
26:12Put it down for him.
26:13Teddy.
26:14Oh, that's cute.
26:16Little Teddy.
26:16Oh, that's a nice name for a sheep, isn't it?
26:19That's her best friend.
26:21So Rodney has come up with a way of ensuring that Teddy
26:24will have a long and productive life on the farm.
26:27So he's not going to the abattoir.
26:29So what's his plan then?
26:30I have a feeling there's going to be some filth coming on now.
26:33The procedure that I'm intending to do on Teddy today is a vasectomy.
26:39Oh, I wonder why he's doing a vasectomy on Teddy.
26:42Yeah, why would he not just have his knackers off?
26:44A vasectomised male sheep on a farm is known as a teaser tup.
26:49A teaser tup.
26:50A teaser and a pleaser.
26:53It's a very appropriate name because Teddy literally
26:56teases the females into sexual activity.
27:00Like a flapper.
27:03A woolly flapper.
27:04Basically, he's going to warm up all the females,
27:06ready for the other male to go in and impregnate them.
27:10Why do you need warming up?
27:12So you won't know what on earth we're going to be doing
27:15to your favourite sheep today.
27:16You don't want to know, Ella.
27:17Come on, Teddy.
27:18Come on, Teddy.
27:18Come on, Teddy.
27:20Good boy.
27:21There we are.
27:21Teddy, what about...
27:22Well, that was easy.
27:24Are those his testicles?
27:25Oh, I don't want to watch.
27:26That sheep don't know what's going to hit him.
27:28Poor fucker.
27:29So this is quite a fascinating piece of equipment.
27:32It looks a bit medieval, but it's a really good way of keeping him restrained.
27:37Right, I'm not liking the look of that.
27:38Christ, he does.
27:39He looks like a torture box.
27:43Oh!
27:49No way!
27:50As if!
27:51They're tipping a sheep on its back.
27:53Can I just adjust his testicles?
27:54Yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:57Jesus Christ, look at him.
27:59He's got a magnificent pair of bollocks, hasn't he, has Teddy?
28:02So Teddy's got the tidiest genitalia in Yorkshire, I think.
28:06Look at him.
28:09Don't worry, Ted.
28:10I'll be able to sort it.
28:12Oh, no!
28:13Oh, he's giving him anaesthetic.
28:14Oh!
28:19So that's the first side done.
28:21Can you see what's going on there?
28:23You needn't look yet, but I think they've taken out a little bit of tubing,
28:29which will mean he can't deliver sperm anymore.
28:34Tubular bells.
28:35But he can still have sex.
28:38Tubular balls.
28:39Come on, Teddy, we're nearly done.
28:41Come on, Teddy.
28:43What's that?
28:44That's the mean tubes, isn't it?
28:46It's the ball sack tubes.
28:48Go back to his party, wherever he's heading.
28:51Go on, Teddy, you're done.
28:53He'll still be able to get his end away, won't he?
28:55If he can still get his end away, he'll still...
28:59The thing is, the boys have had it then.
29:01Yeah, but they haven't got no balls.
29:04They've taken their balls off, look.
29:06No, it's just that they could...
29:08I'm telling you, he hasn't got a pair of balls, and neither have we.
29:14When you come home of an evening, right,
29:16and he starts jumping about, if you feel, yes.
29:20But I think the balls must contract slightly.
29:24It's only the tubes that are cut.
29:26They don't take your actual ball sack away.
29:28He haven't got any, I know he haven't.
29:30Christ, all right, leave it there now.
29:32Has Dad had the snip?
29:33I don't know, and I don't want to think about it.
29:36Uncle Kevin's had it.
29:39He had the snip.
29:40Right, will you stop going on about our male relative's reproductive system?
29:45Uncle John had the snip reverse.
29:47Enough now.
29:50In Wiltshire...
29:51Close your eyes.
29:52Yes.
29:53I've grown it for you.
29:54Hold your hand out.
29:55It's not a frog, is it?
29:57...Giles and his wife, Mary.
29:59I've grown it for you, Mary.
30:01Well, that's very good.
30:03Very good.
30:05Yeah, it's at last some success.
30:07But do you know what I think I might do next year, Mary?
30:11Save all that time, which is the equivalent of, I'd say, about a month of a man's life,
30:19and join a box scheme.
30:22So to support a local organic grower...
30:24Is there one?
30:25I think there is.
30:27And then just get a box scheme, and then they just pick whatever they've got.
30:30So it's quite nice because you've got to be creative, whatever they give you.
30:34Then that will free up more time, Mary, for me to watch YouTube.
30:37No, paint.
30:39Oh, paint. Okay.
30:41This week, Prime Video delivered a dramatisation of a story that rocked the monarchy.
30:46Hey, I want to watch this, Jen.
30:48Have you not heard about the very royal scandal, Jane?
30:51There's lots.
30:53Prince Andrew's interview.
30:55Yep. The car crash.
30:57That was it.
30:58A royal fuck-up, if you ask me.
31:04A royal bollock drop.
31:05The bit that's a bit bonkers, it's only like five years ago, isn't it?
31:08Already now this is historical drama.
31:17Is Michael Sheen in a fat suit?
31:19I think he's such a good actor, he'll have put on weight, Nata.
31:22When I thought Michael Sheen, Prince Andrew, I thought, I don't see it,
31:26but bloody hell, he's pulling off a good Prince Andrew, are you?
31:29What?
31:30There's a call for you, sir. Amanda Thirsk.
31:33This is private secretary or personal secretary.
31:36Okay.
31:36She was the go-between between the BBC and Andrew.
31:40Oh, dear.
31:41She is the straw that broke the camel's back.
31:46Yes.
31:47Good evening, sir.
31:48I don't even know what this call's about.
31:50Yeah.
31:50He'll be laughing on the other side of his face after this phone call.
31:53Amanda.
31:54Edward.
31:55They're having a little tate-a-tate between the top secretaries.
31:58Yeah, the top bollocks.
32:00How do we sort this out?
32:04The Duke of York has been accused of raping a young woman in an apartment
32:08paid for by the now dead Jeffrey Epstein.
32:12Awkward.
32:12Doesn't have the same ring to it as he marched right up to the top of the hill,
32:16does it, that?
32:16What I like there is he's not beat around the bush.
32:19Yeah, she's not even got a drink yet.
32:21Yeah, she's not even got a drink yet.
32:22No.
32:23There are flight logs showing he took multiple trips to the paedophiles' island.
32:28Imagine this being your job.
32:30You need to handle that.
32:31Oh, Jesus.
32:32In 2010, he was photographed with Epstein
32:36by then a known sex trafficker walking through Central Park.
32:40At the very least, this shows poor judgment.
32:43At the very least.
32:44That's a bloody understatement, isn't it?
32:46Oh, yeah, he went back and met him, innit, after he was convicted.
32:49But that's when he said, when he was walking through the park with him,
32:53he wanted to end the friendship.
32:55Erm, telephone call.
32:56You'd be on the telephone and say,
32:57I'm coming fucking nowhere near you.
32:59Yeah.
33:00Do you have any plans?
33:04I'm working on it.
33:05You'd be handing your notice,
33:06and if you were Prince Andrew's private secretary at this point, wouldn't you?
33:09You would.
33:10She's thinking, why couldn't I get one of the other ones like Anne?
33:12Yeah, someone who's no bother.
33:15Someone who fucking behaves herself.
33:17Yeah.
33:17Why have I been lovered with Andrew?
33:18Why didn't I get Anne?
33:21Hey, um, email just in from Amanda Thirsk.
33:24Oh, so this is the Newsnight office for the people that did that interview?
33:28Oh, God, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:29She'd like to, quote, reconsider the possibility of an interview
33:32with the Duke of York, unquote.
33:34This is Amanda's plane, Ronnie.
33:36What a stupid idea.
33:38That was the best she could come up with.
33:40An interview.
33:41Wait, with Epstein on the table?
33:43Oh, look, look how much she looks like, um...
33:46Emily Maitlis.
33:47That's extraordinary, isn't it?
33:48Epstein, Maxwell, Nobles-Bodd.
33:50Blimey.
33:52What a scoop, hey?
33:53They're like rubbing their hands.
33:54They're like, what?
33:55They agreed to this?
33:56Yeah.
33:57Cameras.
33:59Rolling.
34:01Sound.
34:02Oh, this is the interview, mate.
34:03You can see it, can't you, now?
34:04I remember watching it.
34:05Yeah.
34:06I remember watching it and just thinking, oh, my God.
34:09Your Royal Highness, we've come to Buckingham Palace.
34:13Your Royal Highness, we've come to Buckingham Palace.
34:19Today, you've chosen to speak out for the first time.
34:24Why have you decided to talk now?
34:26Good question, Emily.
34:27We're all thinking it.
34:29Why?
34:30She's thinking, I've got you, Cornwall.
34:33Because...
34:36Go on, Andrew.
34:37Say something.
34:38We now know that he was and had been procuring young girls for sex trafficking.
34:47At what point did he think this was a good idea?
34:50Like, obviously, that is going to come up, and he must have been aware.
34:54I mean, what Andrew really needs to do is say, you know,
34:57straight from the offset, that's disgusting.
34:59Yes, but I don't think he does.
35:02When I saw him either in the United States or...
35:05No, when I saw him in the United States,
35:07or when I was staying at his houses in the United States.
35:10Keep going.
35:12Emily sat there going, keep going.
35:14There was no indication.
35:16Absolutely.
35:17Like, Maitlis doesn't even have to say anything.
35:19She just stays quiet and lets him say everything.
35:22Let him dig his own grave.
35:22He's not media savvy.
35:24No.
35:25Therefore, he's falling into traps of his own making.
35:29You've stayed on his private island.
35:31Yes.
35:32Yes.
35:32Whoops.
35:33That's enough to indict him.
35:34You've stayed at his home.
35:37Yes.
35:37Yes, check.
35:38This is so embarrassing.
35:40You've visited Ghislaine Maxwell's house in Belgravia in London.
35:45Yes.
35:46He procured the women, the girls.
35:48Yeah, she's in jail, isn't she?
35:49Do you regret the whole friendship with Epstein?
35:53Oh, Christ.
35:54Which is a $10 question.
35:56He should have said, yes, I totally, totally regret being associated with him.
36:02But no, what does he say?
36:05Now, still not.
36:08Now, still not.
36:09I mean, I don't want you to lie, but you say, yes, of course I do.
36:12Now that I know what I know, of course I bloody do.
36:15Exactly.
36:16The problem was the fact that once he was convicted...
36:19You stayed with him.
36:20I stayed with him.
36:22Oh, wow.
36:25Mate.
36:26So you've then stayed at a convicted sex offender's house.
36:30If you give someone enough rope, then they'll hang themselves, won't they?
36:33And that's exactly what he did.
36:38Emily is thinking this is going down in history.
36:42She's hit the bloody jackpot here, is Emily.
36:44Career-defining moment for Emily.
36:47Following the interview, there was a message for Andrew from upstairs.
36:52Ms Geoffray's legal team have agreed terms for an out-of-court settlement.
36:55They've paid her off.
36:57They've settled it.
36:58And that suggests he's guilty.
37:00I read in the telegraph that the payment was more than £12 million.
37:07I don't know what I'm more shocked about there,
37:09the fact that it was £12 million while you were reading the telegraph.
37:11Given the circumstances, the Queen also feels it would be a distraction
37:17if you were to attend her Jubilee celebrations.
37:20Oh, he's not allowed to go to the party, Jude.
37:25He just wants to be grateful he's not watching it from a bloody prison cell.
37:28Exactly, that's it.
37:30Where do I go?
37:31Well, stay away from Epstein Island, I can tell you that.
37:33You can go anywhere else, but just don't go there.
37:36You live with the consequences of your actions, sir.
37:41You made your own bed.
37:42Fucking lying it.
37:43Yes.
37:44I wonder if Prince Andrew will watch this.
37:47Thing is, he's got shite all else to do about his all-over-the-streaming apps.
37:52He'll have prime.
38:01In Manchester...
38:02This is all that's left of your birthday cake from yesterday.
38:05Who ate it all?
38:07He got one slice and Uncle Sean's had a load of it.
38:10The Malones.
38:11Happy birthday to Brogan.
38:13But I got one with you.
38:14Nine years old.
38:17You're nearly double figures.
38:21And you look like a...
38:22Toad.
38:23Toad.
38:25Grandma got in with that, did she?
38:28On Friday, there were more mid-morning matters keeping us entertained on ITV1.
38:33There you are, Friday morning.
38:35A Quasar.
38:36There you are. Instead of your cereal, have a Quasar.
38:39Oh, lovely.
38:40You're going to be watching this morning every day when your maternity starts.
38:46You're going to start going crazy again like you did last time.
38:52Is it Dermot and Alison on a Friday?
38:54Yes, it is.
38:55Now, it's one of Britain's oldest and most bizarre traditions.
38:59Right.
39:00What's this?
39:01Dating back to 2067.
39:03Sorry?
39:042067? It's only 2024 now.
39:071267. 2067 hasn't happened yet.
39:09What did I say?
39:11You said 2067.
39:12Did I?
39:13Yeah, you did, Alison.
39:14Can somebody get Alison a coffee?
39:17She's half asleep.
39:18So it's the Gurning World Championships.
39:20Kicks off this weekend.
39:22I love Gurning.
39:23Gurning's like that, isn't it?
39:25You want to go in a few now?
39:26It clogs around here. It's fucking disgusting.
39:28It's got a competition on it, then.
39:30Joined by two of the best in the biz,
39:3318-time champion Tommy Madison and seven-time champion Claire Liston.
39:37They don't look like Gurners, do they?
39:39No.
39:40Explain where the origins of this is.
39:41Because is it the...
39:42It's a crab apple fair.
39:44Right.
39:45The crab apple fair.
39:46What's an apple got to do with Gurn?
39:48The story goes that somebody bit the crab apple.
39:50It's a very sour apple.
39:51Oh, right.
39:52So I suppose it made you like...
39:54Pull a face when you're bitten to one.
39:57Do you know, like, if you eat...
39:58Squeeze a piece of lemon, you're like, ooh.
40:00Yeah, yeah.
40:01That's it, isn't it?
40:02You're the eighth world champion.
40:03No, I've won it 18 times.
40:0518?
40:06Fucking hell.
40:06You're not very good with your figures today, are you, Alison?
40:09Wake up, my love.
40:1018, I've won it.
40:11You know what I'd win on?
40:12What?
40:13Resting bitch face.
40:14Oh, yeah, yeah.
40:15I've got plenty of that.
40:16My father was a world champion.
40:18He won it 10 times.
40:19So everyone's in their family of pulling funny faces.
40:22We ain't got nothing that follows on, really.
40:24I thought you had.
40:24I thought you had shoplifting.
40:28OK, will you show us some of your favourite faces?
40:31Oh, I can't wait for this.
40:33Will you show us the wolf?
40:34The wolf?
40:35Oh, they have different names for them.
40:37OK, so here we go.
40:41What's he making that noise?
40:42What's he sniffing at?
40:47Oh, Ronnie.
40:48Oh, my God.
40:52Oh, it's so good.
40:56What's happened to his face?
40:58Look at his nose.
40:59His nose is bent.
41:01He's totally changed, isn't he?
41:03That is so good.
41:05And it's the sounds as well.
41:15Oh, yeah, you can get there, eh?
41:17He looks so different.
41:18Go on, Clare.
41:19Let's go, Clare.
41:20Do it for the ladies.
41:22I love it.
41:26Oh.
41:30I think it's the arse crossed.
41:32Do it with your eyes half shut.
41:35That's it.
41:37That's a lovely face, Mary.
41:41In Durham...
41:42Come on, then, how was Ibiza?
41:44It was honestly the best holiday ever.
41:46...Best Friends Abbey and Georgia.
41:48You know what?
41:49I'm acting like I'm some massive partier.
41:51I literally went to a few daytime events.
41:53I couldn't even hack the night time.
41:56I paid £75 to go to DC10.
41:58It started at 11.
42:00Oh, God, that's late.
42:04I went to the hotel.
42:05Started at 11?
42:06Started at 11.
42:07That's wind down time.
42:09We went back to the hotel.
42:10Got changed.
42:11I put my dress on.
42:12I put my shoes on.
42:13Looked at Fee.
42:14She looked at me.
42:14She was like, do you want to go?
42:16I said, nah, do you?
42:18She said, nah.
42:19What did you just do then?
42:20Went to bed.
42:21Stop it right now and you got ready.
42:23Yeah.
42:30Watch my room.
42:32I like to try and guess, Mary, which newsreader it is.
42:37Rita Chakrabarty.
42:40Well, does it...
42:40And then if it's wrong, it doesn't matter.
42:45Because you're not interested in me saying it anyway.
42:48Now, something a little different to end with today
42:51and possibly slightly unexpected.
42:53Oh, brilliant.
42:55I like something different.
42:56Little twinkling of idea.
42:58Yes, look.
42:59When you think of nudes in a museum...
43:02Nudes?
43:03Not nudes on the lunchtime news.
43:05Things like paintings or sculptures.
43:07I've never thought of a nude in a museum.
43:09That's what art is, just tits and dicks.
43:12But one in Dorchester is bringing the idea to life
43:14and opening its doors to visitors
43:16who want to wander through the galleries after hours naked.
43:20You are?
43:20Really?
43:21What?
43:22Oh, for goodness sake.
43:24Why?
43:25Just to get attention.
43:26What? This is flashing.
43:27This is more flashing.
43:29More flashing.
43:30But why?
43:31I'd heard that a group of history buffs
43:33were going to be taking over Dorset Museum for the night.
43:36History buff snotty, that's a joke.
43:39Turns out I'd misheard.
43:41They're a group of history in the buffs.
43:44Oh.
43:46Why would you want to wander through a museum
43:49or an art gallery naked, Mary?
43:51Because you want to flash.
43:53Very unique, very good and yes, very excited.
43:56Oh, very excited.
43:59I hope he's not too excited.
44:01Never been to this museum before
44:03and it's fabulous what I've seen so far.
44:05I don't fancy that.
44:07Do you?
44:07Can you imagine me in there going...
44:11Where do you put your phone when you're naked?
44:15Mine would go under my tit.
44:16I could put keys under this tit.
44:18Phone under that tit.
44:22It's not rude, you know.
44:24We're just nude, that's all.
44:26Not rude, they're just nude.
44:27I've learnt to accept my body for what it is now
44:29and a lot of women can't do that.
44:30But, you know, you give it a go
44:31and if you don't like it, put your clothes back on again.
44:33If you don't like it, fuck off.
44:35I have to agree with her there,
44:37just to accept your body for how it is
44:39and what is wrong with being naked
44:40because I don't want my body to be sexualised.
44:43Do you know what I mean?
44:44Ellie, these are your people.
44:49Dorset Museum is doing it for the exposure.
44:52You can't do that when you start naked.
44:56Oh, let them have their fun.
44:58Not when they're rubbing their fun all over the items.
45:01The venue had a multi-million pound revamp over Covid.
45:04Oh, no, I won't want to look at the impression of mine.
45:07I'd have one up here and one down there.
45:09Kids have been playing with that
45:10and she's had a bloody cookie all over it
45:12and that's a head high.
45:14For now, this evening is a one-off
45:15and after tonight, the museum will be closed
45:17until further notice.
45:21Look at all them lot behind him going,
45:23what's that old saying?
45:24When in Rome...
45:27Perhaps we ought to try it once.
45:30In Waitrose?
45:32No, on a beach, on a nature's beach.
45:35No, because you'd be worried about insects.
45:38Oh, yeah.
45:39Do you remember that chap in Africa, Mary,
45:41who took his clothes off
45:43and then something jumped into his bottom
45:46and hatched a family of spiders in his bottom?
45:52That's the danger of taking your clothes off.
45:54Something might jump in.
46:00Celebs swap socials and soft life for SAS hell.
46:04Stream or watch Who Dares Win Sunday and Monday at nine.
46:07And dads and kids are very much outside of their comfort zone too
46:11as they head into the jungle with Ed Stafford.
46:13Stream or watch Tuesday at half nine after Bake Off.
46:16Here next, it's First Dates.