Gogglebox S24 Ep02
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Is it? Please will you have a look at my bum and see if I've got a spot on inside of my bum cheek?
00:04Why have you just pulled your trousers and your pants down?
00:07I'm scared. How close is your bum to my face? I'm freaking out. I had to put a bit of germ in there. Oh my Christ.
00:17No, here we go. They've got him. Oh, what are you doing? Oh, she's a chicken nugget.
00:24Isn't it embarrassing Merlin?
00:27Oh, kiss. Oh, that's a bit forward. This is raunchy, isn't it?
00:31Ring on the doves. Yeah!
00:33Who's in for the finger this week, isn't it?
00:37It's so bad, it's actually good. It's actually good. What just happened?
00:41Siri, call Ofcom. In the week a couple of squirrels caused chaos on a train to Gatwick,
00:47we enjoyed lots of great telling.
00:51Jack Whitehall headed stateside for some sauna action on Netflix.
00:55I'd found a, and I cannot stress the inverted commas enough, doctor offering a non-traditional sweat lodge experience in California.
01:03I don't get why he couldn't have just gone to the one at Centre Parcs at Sherwood Forest. That's probably nearer his house.
01:08It's probably cheaper to go to Los Angeles.
01:12Troublesome ghoulies were giving us a fright on the Really Channel.
01:16I
01:24always felt someone was in the staff room with me, even though I knew that I was there alone.
01:28You know, sometimes I feel like mum hovers over me when I'm sleeping.
01:33No joke, I'll just be like, I swear I can feel a presence here.
01:37And I'll open my eyes and I'll be like, why are you watching me?
01:40I should be like, oh, I thought, you know, wake you up for work and then I'll be like, I have an alarm for that.
01:45Don't be creepy.
01:47And Nadia was clearing out a fridge on BBC Two. We waste over four million potatoes every single day in the UK.
01:56So next, a nifty recipe to make the most of those final few spuds.
02:00Potatoes are so good, like, let's just think about potatoes. You get a roast potato, a hash brown, a chip,
02:08fries, if we go in there, mashed potatoes, then like new potatoes.
02:14Duffin white potatoes.
02:16Duffin white potatoes.
02:17Loads of different potatoes, and they're just
02:20multi-talented food that they bring so much to the table. Scallops. Scallops. Scallops!
02:26Scallops are naughty. I love a scallop.
02:36In Leeds. So I posted on Bearded Dragon Forum UK a picture of Jub Jub.
02:42Did you? Saying, lost my rescue beardy Jub Jub today. He had to be put to sleep.
02:47Posting here as to outsiders, he was only a lizard, but I know people in here will get it.
02:53Sisters Ellie and Izzy. It did feel very much like turning off life support.
02:59Turning off the viv lights. The empty viv, I know. Turning it off. With no lights. And I keep looking at it.
03:05It's making me want to cry now.
03:08It's just so final.
03:10Yeah.
03:20On Tuesday night, Nadia was back in the kitchen on a cost-saving crusade on BBC Two.
03:32Some of the stuff she makes, I do think that looks bloody tasty.
03:35I wouldn't cook it myself because I can't be arsed, but her food does look nice.
03:38In these tricky times, we're all looking for ways to make the most of our weekly food shop.
03:44No one cooking in a kitchen like that is going through hard times.
03:47I'll show you clever ways to transform food scraps into fabulous dishes.
03:52Food scraps is food scraps, isn't it? Bob eats them for us. I like that. You like that, yeah?
03:56Yeah. Cook once, eat twice is my feel-good food philosophy. Finish the plate. That's my current philosophy.
04:09Tell you what, there's no leftovers or food scraps in my house, especially with Colin around.
04:13I know. He even eats lettuce.
04:15There's not much you won't eat. You're like a walking wheelie bin.
04:18What was that thing that Huw's daughter did when she dived into bins? Was it called freeganism?
04:25No, what was it called? Skip diving.
04:27Skip diving, where you got out food that supermarkets were throwing out.
04:31Now, did you say that someone had had a bad experience with a Burford Brown, Nadia?
04:35We waste over four million potatoes every single day in the UK.
04:39We don't. Oh, no, we do not, no.
04:41Speak for yourself there, Hint.
04:43No, that's a crime. I would never waste a potato.
04:45I'd never have that ever, literally.
04:47We've got mashed potato, and we're going to fill that with baked beans, cheese, bit of chilli.
04:53You guys are going to love this.
04:54I like it already.
04:55Unreal.
04:57Bit of cheese, bit of chilli, baked beans. She's talking dirty to me there.
05:03I can't get by without you.
05:05My deliciously crisp potato cakes, packed with oozy melted cheese.
05:10Oh, no one's talking.
05:13Spin everyday ingredients into a heroic meal that needs nothing wasted.
05:18I can't get by without you.
05:19Beanie potato cakes. Big fan of that. I'd do an absolute job on them.
05:24She's spoiled that, though. Look, she's put salad on the side.
05:27If it starts with potato, you know it's going to be good.
05:32Ooh, yeah, I love carbs.
05:34Now for the deliciously easy filling.
05:37I love baked beans.
05:38I love baked beans, too, Mary. I wish you liked them.
05:41I tell you why I think I don't like them.
05:43Because when I was growing up in Northern Ireland,
05:46there was often vomit on the streets with baked beans in it.
05:49Oh, Mary, that's put me off baked beans.
05:53But to avoid soggy potato cakes...
05:55Is that a sieve?
05:56She's straining the beans. Bloody hell, Nadia.
05:59Separate that tasty sauce from the beans.
06:01Just leave the beans in the juice. Nobody wants a dry bean.
06:04Tomato sauce, I can't stand.
06:07What is that?
06:09I've never ate it.
06:12Then finally, for a bit of oomph, a sprinkling of chilli flakes.
06:16Oh, I know you're talking.
06:19Go easy on the chilli flakes, Nadia.
06:22It can lead to sting ring.
06:24Don't talk crudely to me.
06:26It's a sting ring.
06:27Don't talk crudely to me or I'll ring your sister.
06:30OK.
06:32Flatten it out.
06:34Take some of that cheesy bean mixture.
06:36Oh, and fold it in.
06:38Just bring it all together.
06:40Seal it.
06:41Look at that.
06:43Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, Nadia.
06:45That looks delicious already and it's not cooked.
06:47How many of them would you eat, though? What's a portion?
06:50You can pop them in the freezer and then I don't have to cook twice
06:54cos I've already done it.
06:56I think she's a bit over-excited.
06:58Over-enthusiastic.
07:01Gently fry our fluffy morsels in melted butter.
07:05Melted butter? Oh, come on, Nadia.
07:08I don't like butter.
07:10Can't eat butter, can you?
07:12I mean, it's hardly healthy, is it?
07:15It is, it's homemade.
07:17It's homemade, it's healthy.
07:20While they sizzle away, we can get on with a deliciously versatile dip.
07:25Oh, she's got the catch-out putters.
07:27Do you know how much I love dips? I know you like your dips.
07:30I can't eat anything without a dip. I'm like the dip queen.
07:34Simply mix that scrummy bean sauce with ketchup,
07:37punchy chilli sauce and creamy mayonnaise.
07:40Oh! Is that the bean juice in there?
07:43Yes, babe. Oh, I'm glad she's reintroducing the bean juice now.
07:47Once the potato cakes are gorgeously golden and crisp,
07:50they're ready to serve.
07:52You can't say they don't look delicious.
07:54That'd be lovely with a nice fried egg on top of that, wouldn't it?
07:58Oh, yeah.
08:00Get that sauce.
08:06That's not what I want.
08:09Lovely. Or gizzabit.
08:11Sex or a cheesy bean potato cake?
08:14A cheesy bean potato cake.
08:16Definitely. Definitely.
08:20In Leeds.
08:21You know how I love my outfits, love my clothes?
08:24Yeah, it's a big part of your life, part of your personality.
08:27Whatever pet I have has to have the same.
08:30Best friends Danielle and Daniella.
08:33Oh, my goodness!
08:36My bridging, you know!
08:38My goodness, Rosie! My bridging, that's my doggy, that!
08:41Oh, my goodness! My dog!
08:44Wow, look at you! What does it say?
08:47R&R, rest and relaxation.
08:50Rough and ready.
08:51Rough and ready, Rafi. Rough and ready!
08:55This week, we were gripped by more high heels and high drama
08:59from the property scene of LA on Netflix.
09:02I just love how glamorous Selling Sunset is.
09:05I know.
09:06It makes me want to glow up watching Selling Sunset.
09:09I'd love a Selling Sunset glow-up.
09:11I'd love a Selling Sunset glow-up,
09:13but I think there's some actual graft involved in it.
09:16Yeah, there is.
09:17There would be serious graft and surgery for me.
09:19It's too much to maintain, the Selling Sunset glow-up.
09:22This is how the other half lives, isn't it?
09:24Right.
09:29So, this is about a real estate agency... Mm-hm.
09:32..run by two tiny, bald brothers.
09:34Grant and Phil?
09:36The American equivalent to Grant and Phil.
09:39To be fair, you don't see them selling much houses
09:41cos they're always bitching about each other.
09:43Are they? Yeah.
09:45I wouldn't want to live there. I'm happy in Leeds.
09:47Oh, God, yeah, I couldn't stand it. It'd be too hot for me. Yeah?
09:54Look at them. Look at them.
09:56That's how they go to work.
09:58She's wearing a bright green slinky dress,
10:00she can't have gone to work like that.
10:02Hi, guys. Hello.
10:04Bald brother number one. There he is.
10:06Is that Jason? I can never tell.
10:08I like that pop of pink.
10:10Nicole, she's a dick.
10:12I like those glasses, Chelsea. Thank you, darling.
10:14I think if I had that type of money, I would probably dress like that.
10:17I would. No, you wouldn't. I would.
10:19You'd just buy more cardigans. I love a cardigan.
10:22Hey, Brett.
10:24Brett's fuming, isn't he?
10:26Yeah, he doesn't look in the mood. It looks like he's going to cry.
10:29Why do you look so mad? I'm not.
10:31Oh, he looks stressed, does Brett.
10:33Well, the reason that Jason and Mary aren't here
10:36is because Nico was diagnosed with terminal issues.
10:40Oh, that's the dog that they share together.
10:42Nico, Jason and Mary's dog from when they were together.
10:46Correct. And they co-parent the dog.
10:48Correct. But he just passed away.
10:50Oh!
10:52That's not really giving Selling Sunset the usual vibes.
11:00Group hug. Make him feel better.
11:03It sent shockwaves through the Oppenheimer group.
11:05It really has.
11:08Is he, like, really short, or are all those women really tall?
11:11Aw! Oh, look at them all crouching down to give him a hug now.
11:18There, there.
11:20It's not his dog, though, Ellie. It's his brother's dog.
11:23You'd be upset if it were one of my dogs.
11:25Frickin' hell, you cried when Jump Jump went.
11:27I didn't even like him. Exactly.
11:29I know.
11:31L.A. has responded, in turn.
11:33Gee, that's not how you typically see L.A., is it?
11:36That's what Nico's done.
11:38Hi, buggy. No!
11:41They're having a funeral for the dog. I'm all in for this.
11:48Oh, fuck!
11:52It's very emotional.
11:54It's very emotional.
11:56Oh, fuck!
12:00It's very L.A., isn't it, to have a full funeral for a dog.
12:03It looks bougier than my actual funeral will probably be.
12:11Oh, look, it's his mates.
12:13Rub it in, why don't you, Nicole, with all your dogs.
12:17Oh, my God, they're all dressed in black Chanel. Yeah.
12:21Oh, for fuck's sake.
12:23Now she's giving main character.
12:25I love that. Love that.
12:27Sit down, guys.
12:29They've got, like, a hymn sheet for all the songs for the dog funeral.
12:32Ah, Hound Dog.
12:34How much is that doggy in the window?
12:36Who let the dogs out?
12:39Dog days are over.
12:41He definitely had a very loved life
12:44and knew how to get whatever he wanted from me.
12:48Do you think people are actually crying
12:50or they're just dabbing their eyes with tissues for effect?
12:52I think people are dabbing their eyes with tissues for effect.
12:54We even gave him McDonald's cos he wouldn't eat towards the end.
12:57I mean, I do like to buy my dog six chicken nuggets
12:59when I go to drive-through.
13:01That's probably what killed him, that.
13:03We have 30 hamburgers on our way so that we can all share...
13:06That was his last meal, basically.
13:08Go celebrate the hamburger.
13:10I remember looking up at the sky and the sun was on my face
13:13and I felt him everywhere.
13:15Come on, Bryce, wrap it up, man.
13:19And we just want to tell you how much we love you, Bob.
13:22We love you very much.
13:28Oh, is that his ashes?
13:30Oh, God, is he scattering them in garden?
13:32I love you, Bob.
13:35I've seen it all now. Sorry.
13:38When my mum died and I scattered her ashes,
13:40I brought half of it back on my shoes.
13:43I've got her in my cupboard. I haven't cleaned her or anything.
13:45I've just left her on my boots.
13:47She's on my boots. Oh, lovely.
13:49I've got her in my cupboard. I can't park with her.
13:59Jenny, I'm not being funny, but when we were stood outside...
14:02I know. I know.
14:04..this side of your face is, like, glistening.
14:06I'm going to start calling you Nanny. Nanny goat.
14:08Yeah, I know.
14:10Best friends Jenny and Lee.
14:12It's like... Have a curling.
14:14Oh, bloody hell.
14:16Is that clean? Oh, look at that, Lee.
14:18Oh, it's really...
14:20I love my chest.
14:22Oh, God.
14:24I know, it's massive. Oh, look at it.
14:26Hey, measure it.
14:28Look at that. Oh, and it's still going.
14:30Oh! Oh!
14:32On Monday night, strangers were getting hitched again on E4.
14:37You could not ask for more
14:39than to sit on a cold night in September at 9pm
14:42and watch two strangers get married.
14:44I couldn't ask for more. Yep.
14:46This is my jam.
14:47You've been waiting for this, innit, Twain?
14:49Listen, this is the only drama that I accept in my life.
14:57What would you do if I went on maths
14:59and you was watching me on it?
15:01That would be hilarious. I don't think I could take it seriously.
15:04Why? Why not? Is my love life a joke? Yeah.
15:10My dress sense is outgoing, bright and fun.
15:14Just having a good time in that bedroom and all, isn't she?
15:18Just like me. What you see is what you get.
15:21We've got a live wire on our hands here.
15:24She's bubbly and she's full of life.
15:26I am a qualified Level 2 animal reiki practitioner.
15:30How many levels are there to animal reiki practitioning?
15:33What college is that from?
15:35It's Tranquil, it's Calm, it's Peace.
15:37Everything I'm not.
15:42Oh, she seems like really good fun.
15:44Yeah, she seems like a nice girl.
15:46Yeah, I'd like to be her friend.
15:48I like a guy who is adventurous.
15:51Oh, here he is.
15:53So that's a match. Well, he's out in the sticks.
15:55Fun.
15:57Everything that I am.
15:59Loves animals.
16:01OK, this guy might be the perfect match.
16:03What, just because he's stroking a chicken? Yeah.
16:08I absolutely love music. I've got a piano.
16:10And he plays the piano. Amazing.
16:12Kieran's got a bit of fizz about him, isn't he?
16:14Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think this could be fun.
16:16I hope there's a female version of me out there.
16:19Under 5'6".
16:20Good things come in small packages.
16:26Oh, shit, wedding day. Let's go.
16:28See, even the names go together.
16:30Christina and Kieran, don't they? Yeah.
16:32I'm well invested in these two.
16:35So, I just want your advice on something.
16:37Go on, then.
16:38Cos if I do this thing at the wedding,
16:40they say they're going to go really well,
16:42I'm going to be divorced straight away.
16:44Oh, God.
16:45Don't do it. Immediately, just don't bother.
16:47If it could go either way, don't do it,
16:49because at the end of the day, you don't know this person.
16:52Yeah, exactly. And it's your wedding. Yeah.
16:59HE GASPS
17:01Oh, no!
17:03Oh, no way!
17:05No.
17:06Comedy tea!
17:09Oh, yeah, man.
17:12Are you actually...?
17:14My eye? I love them, mate.
17:18Oh, I love them!
17:19No, not at your wedding, mate.
17:21Not at your wedding.
17:23Not at your wedding.
17:25I think it'll be absolutely hilarious,
17:27and I'll be able to know she's got a good sense of humour or not.
17:30I hope this blows up in his face!
17:32Oh, I can't wait to see your reaction.
17:34I bet he does it. He's full of it.
17:38Oh, he's just... He's not gone for it.
17:40He's just gone for the turkeys.
17:46Yeah!
17:48Do it!
17:49Good lad. He's going for it.
17:51Unreal.
17:54HE LAUGHS
17:56Kieran, take him out. Please take him out.
17:58Leave him in. Leave him in.
18:04HE LAUGHS
18:06Take him out.
18:08Oh, honest to God, take him out.
18:14HE LAUGHS
18:19He sat there like a guinea pig.
18:25Oh, my God!
18:27Oh, my God!
18:29Oh!
18:33Are you all right?
18:35Are you OK?
18:37Oh, look!
18:39She's like, wow, look at that.
18:41Oh!
18:43Watching him.
18:45Oh, she can't even speak.
18:47She can't even speak.
18:49She doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know what to do.
18:53Oh, you look petrified.
18:55HE LAUGHS
18:59Do you know, I loved that.
19:01Right, take the second set of jokies out.
19:03Fucking hell, they're worse than the first set.
19:05Put them back in.
19:07You look so...
19:09I'm so sorry.
19:11Look, she liked it.
19:13She liked it and it's broken the ice.
19:15Oh, it worked. It did work.
19:17The gum bit paid off, man. That was risky, that was.
19:19Yeah, that was, yeah.
19:21I'm invested. I'm invested now.
19:23If this goes to shit, I'm going to be fuming.
19:25I know. Karen and Christina, it's got to last.
19:29In Glasgow...
19:31We've spoken about this before,
19:33but you need to stop shouting when you're playing the Xbox.
19:35Why?
19:37Because people are starting to give me weird looks when I come out the house.
19:39...Rosheen and her boyfriend, Joe.
19:41What's that got to do with me?
19:43Joe, do you know what you were shouting yesterday?
19:45With the windows fully open in the afternoon,
19:47you were shouting,
19:49take it, take it, take it,
19:51the hog is getting obliterated.
19:55The hog was getting obliterated?
19:57Yeah, but people are going to put two and two together
19:59and get five and think I'm the hog.
20:03On Wednesday night,
20:05a flurry of famous faces were racing
20:07to the finish line on BBC One.
20:09There's been so many ups and downs, Daniela.
20:11Like, you're losing
20:13and then you're creeping up to the beginning,
20:15you're making up your time, you've got your budget.
20:17I'll get your kicker right in the kisser.
20:19And this is where we find out who kicks it in the kisser.
20:23I like watching it,
20:25but I don't think I'd like to be on it.
20:27Oh, Christ, no.
20:29Lying in the foothills of the Andes,
20:31the Argentinian town of Tilcara.
20:33Right, this is where we left off.
20:35We're in Tilcara.
20:37There's now just 39 minutes separating all four teams.
20:39Oh,
20:41neck and neck and neck and neck.
20:43It really is anybody's race.
20:45You know, that's basically a missed balls, isn't it, really?
20:47Who's going to win?
20:51Oh, they're all pointing to it.
20:53But they all want to win, don't they?
20:55Yeah, but I'd be like this, me.
20:572,750 kilometres
20:59south from Tilcara,
21:01the finish line.
21:03Right, we're off to Fruitella.
21:05Fruitella? I love Fruitellas.
21:07Fruitejar.
21:09Fruitejar!
21:11We were definitely saying it wrong.
21:13Yeah, it's not Fruitella.
21:15It's a country.
21:17They could cross early and enter Chile
21:19by taking the northern border through the Atacama Desert.
21:21The desert.
21:23Nope.
21:25Or head to the hub city of Mendoza.
21:27I got some choices.
21:29Oh, what would you do?
21:31The city route, I think it'll be safer.
21:33Or you could hire an electric scooter.
21:35So do we just go straight to Chile?
21:37We have no signs at all
21:39of how expensive Chile is.
21:41Right.
21:43It's a bit expensive here.
21:45Cos they've got less money.
21:47Right. Heads.
21:49Argentina. Pails. Chile.
21:51They're flipping a coin!
21:53You can't leave this to chance.
21:55We should do that for tea tonight, kebab or Chinese.
21:57Let the coin decide.
21:59Heads. Argentina.
22:01Let's go. Good.
22:03Oh, they didn't even doubt it.
22:05Don't cry for me, Argentina. Mary.
22:07You shouldn't have wasted my time by saying that.
22:09Is that relevant? Not at all.
22:11After a couple of days on the road,
22:13it was Kola and Mary and Scott and Sam
22:15who had taken the lead in Frutijar.
22:17Oh, there we go.
22:19BEEPING
22:21Message. The next move. What's the next move?
22:23By boat or any vehicle,
22:25head approximately 25 miles...
22:27That's miles.
22:29..to Ensenada.
22:31They've got to get across the lake. I don't know.
22:33They're not making it easy for them, are they?
22:35Bloody hell.
22:37Find the beach at the back of the Borde Lago restaurant.
22:39That's a lot of instructions.
22:41Yeah, I'd get confused. I'd be like,
22:43let's break it down now. Yeah.
22:45OK, I see a boat. Off that pier.
22:47Oh, the catamaran.
22:49Oh, that's handy.
22:51Well, that boat was just in time, wasn't it?
22:53Sorry.
22:55There's a boat there.
22:57I'm going to go now.
22:59Oh, they're getting different boats, Scott and Sam.
23:01The catamaran goes faster, though, Ron.
23:03Do you stop at Ensenada?
23:05Yep.
23:07So, you do a tour?
23:09Yeah. Yeah, wrong boat.
23:11They don't want to tour.
23:13They haven't got time to be toured around for a tiller.
23:15Thank you so much.
23:19Oh, they've landed.
23:21Is this the beach? Is this the restaurant? Yes.
23:23In front of you is the majestic
23:25Osorno Volcano.
23:27What?
23:29Where's the volcano?
23:31Look for a big blighted mountain.
23:33By any means, head up to the base station
23:35and await your final instruction.
23:37Oh, my God. This is never-ending.
23:39Osorno Volcano.
23:41I think it's there.
23:43No.
23:45You can't even see the top of it for the clouds.
23:49The finish line at a volcano,
23:51that is an exciting destination.
23:53The Osorno Volcano.
23:55See?
23:57How do you get a taxi up a volcano? I don't understand.
23:59Osorno Volcano base station.
24:01Oh, what? Stupid.
24:03It's tight, Simon. Tight.
24:05Is it?
24:07There's Scott and Sam. Run!
24:09Final bit.
24:11There's a flag. Come on. Who's going to get there?
24:15Who's in front of who?
24:17I don't know.
24:19Scott's here. I can see the back.
24:21They can see the boat. They're there.
24:23Who's the closest? Oh, my God. They're both close.
24:25Go!
24:27They've got there.
24:29They're fast.
24:31No, you don't.
24:33The other people's names could be on there.
24:39Hang on. Hang on a minute.
24:41Who is leading here?
24:43Do you want to do it together?
24:45Come on. Open it. Go on.
24:47Open the port, for fuck's sake.
24:51Congratulations. You have just reached the finish line.
24:53Congratulations. Yes, yes, yes.
24:55Next page.
24:57Please sign in overleaf to find out if you have won the race.
24:59It's legit.
25:01It's legit.
25:03Who the hell's won? Who signed the book?
25:05Three, two, one.
25:07Here we go.
25:09Oh!
25:11Yeah!
25:13Sam and Scott, yeah?
25:15Oh, they've won!
25:17Get in!
25:19Oh, I'm so pleased for them.
25:21Speechless.
25:23Speechless.
25:25When you open that book
25:27and there's no other names in it,
25:29there's no other feeling like it.
25:31I'd be fuming after climbing that if I didn't win.
25:33Oh, mate, I'd lose my shit.
25:35I'd actually be so upset.
25:37I'd have to carry me back down.
25:39No joke, I ain't walking back down if I lost.
25:41I'd be so annoyed.
25:43They've had an absolute touch there, haven't they, really?
25:45Not only have they won, but they've got 24 quid left over,
25:47which, in duty free,
25:49they could probably get, like,
25:51a few pouches of Amberleaf
25:53and a family-sized Toblerone.
25:55Yeah. You know, for family.
25:57Or a sleeve of 200 cigs.
25:59That they could sell on for a profit.
26:01Scott Mills on Facebook.
26:03Just a sleeve of fags.
26:05Sleeve of fags, 75 quid.
26:09Not going to sell them as singles.
26:11I don't like this shirt, Mary.
26:13Well, I've got a confession to make.
26:15Why?
26:17There was a flood in the fridge the other day.
26:19Oh, and you used this?
26:21To mop it up.
26:23Oh, no wonder.
26:25Giles and his wife, Mary.
26:27Rosie said, can I have some wine?
26:29And I said, no, I'm not opening a whole bottle for one glass,
26:31but I got a can of wine.
26:33So I gave her a can of wine,
26:35and she said, I'm not opening a whole bottle for one glass.
26:37So I gave her a can of wine,
26:39and she didn't like it,
26:41so I put it in the fridge,
26:43and then knocked it over,
26:45and so it juiced on all through the shelves.
26:47Onto that recess.
26:49When I opened the fridge,
26:51and I realised it was really a health hazard,
26:53I thought, well,
26:55there's no cloth big enough to absorb all of this.
26:57So you used my shirt,
26:59and now, not surprisingly,
27:01I'm getting bad vibes off the shirt.
27:03On Saturday night,
27:05there were some ghostly goings-on
27:07with a twist.
27:09I don't like hospitals.
27:11I don't need this haunted.
27:13That's all I need.
27:15When I had Bessie,
27:17and I were in labour,
27:19and I were doing laps of the hospital,
27:21all the old parts,
27:23it was so spooky.
27:27I always wanted to be one of the actors in these things.
27:29Oh, my God,
27:31it'd be so dramatic.
27:33I'm coming for you.
27:37There was a nurse
27:39who was my aunt,
27:41and she said she was carrying
27:43an amputated leg along.
27:45I don't know where she was taking it to,
27:47in Dublin,
27:49and the leg kicked her.
27:51That is an astonishing story.
27:53You must get in touch
27:55with the makers of this programme.
27:57Of all the different types
27:59of hauntings,
28:01perhaps none tug at our emotions
28:03or strike fear into our hearts
28:05as much as a child ghost.
28:07I don't like child ghosts.
28:09It's just the creepiest
28:11of creeps.
28:13I'm going to have to stay at someone's house tonight.
28:15You're not staying here, but I'm not staying here either.
28:19The first time I went to this community,
28:21it was my first assignment ever
28:23being a travel nurse.
28:25Whatever that is.
28:27She's a travelling nurse.
28:29My patient had a birthday.
28:31Her family members had brought in
28:33birthday and birthday balloons.
28:35Oh, that's nice, isn't it?
28:37Well, you can't have flowers in our hospitals.
28:39You're not allowed.
28:41You can't have grapes, you can't have knuckle.
28:43All you can have is a bottle of orange water.
28:45I had set up my desk outside the room.
28:47Oh,
28:49the night shift.
28:51This is where it all kicks off,
28:53normally after 12.
28:55Oh, look!
28:57Oh, hello.
28:59What was that?
29:01I don't know.
29:07Oh, what's that in the background?
29:09What?
29:13Oh, no, that's fucking odd.
29:15No, don't tell me the balloon
29:17just appears in the hallway.
29:21Is it a haunted balloon?
29:23I put the balloon back
29:25in the room.
29:27Brave woman, because I ain't touching
29:29that for shit. I would not be touching that balloon.
29:31Did you shut the door? Maybe switch some lights on,
29:33that might help.
29:39Oh, it's coming out again.
29:45Don't yell at her.
29:49Oh, Molly!
29:51You stupid sod!
29:53Now, by this time, they'd be gone.
29:55I put it back in the room.
29:59Now she shuts the door.
30:01So you locked the woman in with the haunted balloon
30:03in the room, but as long as you're all right...
30:05Yeah.
30:09Ah!
30:11Oh, the door's opening, Dave.
30:13Always the creaky door, as well.
30:15It's never the one that's just been WD'd. Yeah.
30:17Not the balloon.
30:19Not the balloon.
30:21So the door's opened,
30:23all on its own, and the balloon is walking
30:25towards her.
30:29When balloons attack,
30:31how can it go like that?
30:33Well, obviously, there's
30:35got to be an entity pulling her along,
30:37which is probably a child that wants to play.
30:39We all gathered near the
30:41nurses' station.
30:43Ladies,
30:45you won't believe what I saw last night.
30:47Correct, we don't.
30:49I told the manager about my interaction with the balloon.
30:51We know what's happened to you.
30:53She's nodded off, the lazy cow.
30:55She's had to come up with a big excuse
30:57to get her out of it.
31:01It's coming to the meeting!
31:03Ha-ha-ha-ha!
31:05Gets where drafts can at, that fucker.
31:07I mean, she'd have looked like
31:09a right knob if the balloon didn't turn up,
31:11to be fair. It's actually done her a favour.
31:13I didn't see it after that, but a new travel nurse
31:15came in, and it was reported that
31:17she popped it and put it in the garbage.
31:19There you go, sorted. Which is what she should
31:21have done the first time it happened.
31:23Like the balloon's failing like, damn.
31:25Bit deflated.
31:29In Solly Hall...
31:31You know, when Mum and Dad were here last week,
31:33and I did some of their washing.
31:35Teresa and her wife, Anita.
31:37Well, I folded it up in my dad's undies,
31:39and then I folded what I thought
31:41were ours. Yeah.
31:43And then my mum came in and she goes,
31:45those are my pants, you know, like your blue spotty ones.
31:47Yes. I said, I thought they were Teresa's.
31:49She goes, no, they're mine.
31:51So you've got the same knickers as me mother.
31:53Your mum's nearly 90
31:55and we're wearing the same style of pants.
31:57Either she's
31:59either she's ultra-modern
32:01or I'm very old-fashioned.
32:03Don't answer that. OK.
32:05On Friday, it was unwanted
32:07visitors in Wales making
32:09the news on the BBC.
32:15Rafi, we're going to get some news now.
32:17Now, you may want to put your lunch
32:19just to one side for our next story.
32:21I've just had a biscuit.
32:23Don't tell me I'm going to be bringing it back up.
32:25Not in here, you can get outside.
32:27Residents of a village in south Wales
32:29say they've been inundated by
32:31a mysterious swarm of flies.
32:33Flies? Ooh!
32:35Oh, shit, I'm going to Wales
32:37this weekend.
32:39People living in Bettus near Bridgend.
32:41That's not far, is it?
32:43They can't open their windows or leave any food
32:45unattended because of the insects.
32:47My food is never unattended.
32:49It's always attended to.
32:51The common housefly.
32:53Oh, God. They're in the house.
32:55Oh, the old sticky strips.
32:57You remember them? Yeah.
32:59All too common, it seems, in the homes
33:01of Bettus, south Wales.
33:03Oh, aren't they great? Bettus.
33:05The flies have got to put south Wales on the map.
33:07I know, haven't they? Residents say they've been
33:09inundated by thousands
33:11of the insects in recent weeks.
33:13Ooh, I wonder why. That's awful.
33:15You've just got a string of death in your living room.
33:17That's biblical. What's going on?
33:19At the local pub,
33:21regulars come armed with swats and
33:23sprays. Good evening, the pub.
33:25Oh, God. I wouldn't have a pint there.
33:27I know. You can start
33:29squatting for me. What, are they just handing out
33:31swats to customers? Yeah.
33:33Cover that. Cover your beer.
33:35Yeah. Melnie's
33:37had to stop serving meals.
33:39They've had to stop serving meals.
33:41If I see a fly on a piece of food, that's it.
33:43It's done. It's gone. Well, you've got to
33:45say that, because the food, aren't you, Stanley?
33:47Oh, yeah, nobody wants a fly in the
33:49hot pot. The door opens here,
33:51and one pint will come in,
33:53the 20 flies will follow. Hopefully they're buying drinks,
33:55love.
33:57One family said they counted
33:59205 flies
34:01in just 45 minutes. What?
34:03Stop it. One, two,
34:05three, and I've seen them before,
34:07five, six. Environmental
34:09health officers have been investigating.
34:11So far, they've not
34:13determined the source of the swarm.
34:15So they don't know where it's coming from?
34:17Yeah. Something ain't right.
34:19Something is not
34:21right. Sam ain't big as
34:23died somewhere. But here,
34:25they can't wait for their village
34:27to become a no-fly zone.
34:29I hope they don't, like, fly over to
34:31the North East.
34:33Where they can fly. Exactly.
34:35So what if we end up with this?
34:37...requires skill, patience, timing...
34:44In Derby...
34:46I try and get mum some
34:48flowers every once in a while.
34:50You do? Yeah.
34:52I think you're her favourite son, isn't he?
34:54What? What do you mean?
34:56Well, brother's always bringing flowers
34:58and plants and...
35:00But have you ever heard the expression,
35:02I think he's trying too hard?
35:04Mum's mad with me anyway,
35:06because I've not brought any Tupperware back as well.
35:08I've got, like, two lots of her Tupperware,
35:10and she keeps reminding me, and I keep forgetting.
35:12So this is just insult to injury, this is.
35:14Do you know what else I bought her today?
35:16Tupperware? Yeah. No, you haven't!
35:18Oh, God!
35:20On Sunday, a brand-new, high-octane
35:22thriller set on a train
35:24departed on BBC One.
35:26I like even the name,
35:28Night Sleeper. I'm frightened already.
35:30I'm going to assume it's something
35:32to do with a night sleeper train.
35:34Yes! Come on! Sleeping on a train?
35:36Never done that. It's on the list.
35:39The biggest drama I have on a train
35:41is, you know that button to lock the toilet?
35:43It looks very similar to the open.
35:45Yeah. So I get too scared.
35:47I can never get it right. Yeah.
35:52What was that?
35:54I don't know! It's just started!
36:00Oh, it's Glasgow. Glasgow.
36:02Oh, we've never been there, have we?
36:04316.
36:06316 minutes.
36:08What's that in hours and minutes?
36:10Divide it by 60. Go on, then.
36:12Five hours and 16 minutes.
36:17Oh, Peaky Blinders, guys!
36:22He looks dodgy.
36:24I don't like this. It's shifty.
36:29Who's he after? I don't know, Simon.
36:32Oh, God.
36:35Backstab!
36:37Oh, no, you horrible man!
36:41Get the bird! Get the bird!
36:44Good man.
36:47Oh, he's off. Oh, my God.
36:52What the hell is going on?
36:54Do you know what I'd do if I saw that going on?
36:56I'd get on the train
36:58and pretend like I've seen nothing.
37:01Hang on!
37:03Oh! He's got him! He's got his leg!
37:05Got his ankle, then got away.
37:08He's hiding now. He's ducked down.
37:10He's crafty, isn't he, is that mugger?
37:15What are you playing at, pal? All right, sunshine.
37:17Imagine you just get out when Hercules is stood in front of you.
37:20Yeah.
37:23There we go. Now we've got him.
37:25Couldn't get any sleep with them lot running up and down the bloody alleyway.
37:28The train hadn't even set off yet.
37:30I'd be opening my door, saying,
37:32will you shut up, making a bloody row?
37:34You need to move. Actually, I need to lie down.
37:37Don't mess with me.
37:39Oh, what? I'm sorry, mate.
37:41It's my job.
37:43Oh, he's our corporal.
37:45No wonder he was so eager to help.
37:47Oh, my God, that all makes sense now.
37:51Oh! What?
37:53Oh, no, they were in it together.
37:56He's got the bag! He's got the bag!
37:58What the hell is in this bag?
38:00When they realise all it's got is perfume and Tic Tacs,
38:02they're going to seem really silly.
38:07Oh, he looks smug.
38:10You did look smug then.
38:13Oh, right, here comes the rest of the crew.
38:16Please transport, please. Come on.
38:22Oh, they've lost her.
38:24Oh, they've lost them.
38:26See it, say it, sorted.
38:30Are you travelling with us, madam? No.
38:32If she's not travelling, why is she on the platform?
38:35I'm going to need to get some details about sorting.
38:38Sure, can you do the feed first stuff?
38:40All right. Ah!
38:42Right, something so dodge.
38:48Oh, it's chokes away, we're off.
38:50All that quaffling, no-one's arrested and she's just walked off.
38:53Well, what have they nicked then?
38:56They haven't put something on board the train, have they, or something?
39:04What's he found? What's down there?
39:06Is that a hole in the train floor, Simon?
39:10Is that a bomb, what is it?
39:17Oh, he's showing the police officer, no? Yeah.
39:19That guy's like, this is above my pay grade. Yeah.
39:23PHONE RINGS
39:25It's not a bomb. No. It's not.
39:27It's some sort of control.
39:29Yeah, and it looks like it's pulling data.
39:33Who's he calling?
39:34Hello, this is Abigail Aysgarth,
39:36acting technical director at the National Cyber Security Centre.
39:39Oh, that's a bit of a mouthful, Abi.
39:41She's one of the top onshores of the security centre.
39:44Oh, will she know about it, won't she?
39:46I think we may have a problem. We've got a runaway train. Yeah.
39:49And the emergency stop has failed.
39:51Oh, dear. That's pretty serious, isn't it? That is, yeah.
39:54Listen, there's somebody on your train who should not be approached.
40:00Who is it? Him! Him!
40:01Yeah, my colleague's just sending through a description of them now.
40:04This is crazy, we don't know who it is.
40:06Oh, my days, I imagine it's the guy right in front of them.
40:09PHONE RINGS
40:10White male. White male?
40:12Around 35 years of age. Yes.
40:15Facial hair.
40:17Hello? It's like playing guess who.
40:19There's a man in here doing me.
40:23I promise. It's him!
40:25Oh!
40:27That's a giveaway if you say it's now to do with me.
40:29Wearing a red and black checked jacket.
40:33Oh! Oh! It's him!
40:35Red and black checked jacket? Red and black... Oh!
40:38What are the chances?
40:40Somebody clonking!
40:42It's ridiculous.
40:44Oh!
40:46Oh!
40:48No!
40:49It is him!
40:51So the international police are after him!
40:53Get back here!
40:55One of the craziest things.
40:58He actually used to be a DI in the map.
41:00HE GASPS
41:02Oh, he used to be a DI.
41:04He's a doubler agent, Pedro.
41:06That is what you call a drama.
41:08Who is controlling the train?
41:10God knows, but this ain't no good to watch on a Sunday night at nine o'clock.
41:14I won't sleep a wink tonight, now I've seen that.
41:16My nerves are shot.
41:18Exactly. That's a catch-up jobby, that.
41:20That's an afternoon. I need a few hours to get over that.
41:23I need to watch, like, a choreo.
41:25Something light-hearted after.
41:29In Blackpool...
41:30Oh, I didn't tell you, did I?
41:32Jimmy brought home six cupcakes from nursery the other day.
41:35Pete and his little sister Sophie.
41:37Well, it was a bit apprehensive.
41:40Cos you know that they all go to the toilet and don't wash their hands.
41:43Yeah.
41:44However...
41:46..they were actually quite nice.
41:49Shit, you're brave.
41:51I mean, you literally won't eat from a takeaway unless it's got five stars,
41:56but you'll eat cupcakes that have been prepared in a nursery environment.
42:00Look, we've all got to take risks in life.
42:03I mean, your immune system must be elite.
42:07No, I was off work for three days.
42:10This week, it was all about a posh, famous, funny fella
42:13getting to grips with parenting on Netflix.
42:16I like him, Jack White.
42:18And his father's funny and all.
42:20You've done all right, fatherhood-wise, haven't you?
42:23Well, I don't know, I can't say that.
42:25The sons are the result, aren't they?
42:27Yeah, check it out, look at this.
42:29Could you have done better? I did try.
42:31The next step on my fatherhood journey
42:33is to find the answer to one of life's biggest questions.
42:38How long can I live for?
42:40Longevity, right, OK, so this is...
42:42He wants to be as fit as possible to be there for his baby.
42:46Why do they always want to know what's ahead of him?
42:49Do you know what I mean?
42:51I know what's ahead of me.
42:53Fishing cemetery.
42:57A Finnish university spent 20 years tracking over 2,000 sauna users.
43:01Sauna users?
43:03Hey, people rave about the sauna doing the hot and the cold therapy.
43:06It's not the gym I go to, but to be honest, I avoid it,
43:09cos last time I went in, someone was eating a sausage roll in there.
43:12What?!
43:13The results? A 24% decrease in your chance of death.
43:16Just by going in a sauna?
43:18That's good, isn't it? We'll have to get a sauna on.
43:21So I decided to try the mother of all saunas, a sweat lodge.
43:25A sweat lodge?
43:27I don't even know what a sweat lodge is.
43:29I guess you just go and sweat.
43:31I'd found a, and I cannot stress the inverted commas enough,
43:34offering a non-traditional sweat lodge experience.
43:36A sweat doctor. Right.
43:38I'm taking Hilary along. Oh, it's his mum.
43:41He calls his mum Hilary, a bit like I call Mum Bin.
43:44Well, you call her Aunty Bin sometimes. Yeah, that's true.
43:47Hello, Hilary and Jack.
43:49Hi, Dr Patrick. Patrick.
43:51Where's his stethoscope? I can't see it.
43:53He's got beads around his neck. Of course he has.
43:56I only trust what my GP says if he's got a bamboo necklace on.
43:59WHISTLING
44:04What is that? Is it a tin?
44:06Looks like it's made out of old bed sheets.
44:08It's nice, that yurt, isn't it? Not really.
44:11With the ceremony's rocks superheated, it was time to enter the lodge.
44:15We'll be inside for the next four hours.
44:17Four hours?! I'd be bored to death. I would.
44:21Step one, Dr Patrick ramps up the heat.
44:25Oh, he looks like he's struggling already.
44:27Step two, the heat is now at maximum temperature.
44:3015 minutes in, the heat is at maximum temperature. Yeah.
44:33And he's in that for four hours.
44:35There's something in your life you'd like a deeper clarity about.
44:39It was right for you to speak out that clarity.
44:41Oh, my God, the sweating buckets out there.
44:44Jack looks as if he's about to pass out. So does his mother.
44:4740 minutes in, I was literally being cooked alive.
44:5040 minutes is brutal, man.
44:52I feel like this is something that you're supposed to work up to.
44:55I don't think, for your first time, you're raw-dogging it, 40 minutes.
44:58No, you're not, are you?
45:0040 minutes into the four-hour session, I finally realised, fuck it.
45:04It's tapping out, it's tapping out.
45:06For the love of Wanky Tanker, let me out of here.
45:08Jack's fighting for his life.
45:10The last 60 minutes are still us good-born mums.
45:12Yes, it really is.
45:13That is honestly one of the most terrific experiences that I've ever had.
45:16Look at the state of that! It looks knackered!
45:21Honestly, I've never sweated that much in my life.
45:24And you just keep sweating. Oh!
45:26When you think that there's nothing else left.
45:28What the hell is that?
45:30Who's coming out there with nothing on?
45:32Fucking hell, what? Hillary!
45:35That's his mum!
45:37His mum just stripped down naked!
45:40Please, can you cover yourself up?
45:42What? It's all in there. Get a towel!
45:46Oh, no!
45:47Jack, you can never unsee that now.
45:51I literally, this is not an exaggeration,
45:54but I felt the whole spirit just literally...
45:56Please, Hillary!
45:59I just want the reverse of longevity in that situation.
46:02Short-gevity, please.
46:04Yeah, take me now.
46:06I've seen enough.
46:08I don't remember the last time I was naked with mum.
46:14God!
46:17That sounded really weird, Simon.
46:19I don't remember the last time I was naked with mum in the same room.
46:22OK, it's not getting any better, is it?
46:27And you can see the episode of Married at First Sight UK.
46:31The Goggleboxes were watching, and the series so far.
46:34Stream it with Channel 4.
46:36The sponge, the texture and the flavour.
46:38Paul wants the bacon, holy trinity.
46:40The great British bake-off is back, starting on Tuesday at 8.
46:44Up next, new first dates, and one of them is already in love.
46:56Subs by www.zeoranger.co.uk