How to deal with toxic and abusive parent_ Nouman Ali Khan
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00:00Allah is not expecting everyone to be exactly the same with all of their parents.
00:06My parents are a blessing to me, Alhamdulillah.
00:08Somebody else's parents are a huge trial for them.
00:12They're not the same.
00:13It's not the same.
00:15Somebody's siblings are the best thing that ever happened to them.
00:17And somebody else's siblings is like habil and qabil.
00:20It happens.
00:22Not every family is the same.
00:23Allah is not expecting the same exact behavior from everyone.
00:27What Allah is expecting though is ihsan.
00:29You know what that means?
00:30It means what's the very best you can do in your situation.
00:33I'll tell you something I may have mentioned before.
00:35A friend of mine had a terrible relationship with his mother.
00:38And you know in Islam how much Allah talks about the mother.
00:41How good you have to be to your mother.
00:43How we can never thank our mother.
00:44How she gave us birth.
00:45And how she almost died giving birth.
00:47And the favors of her and the acknowledgement of her in the Qur'an is remarkable.
00:50And in the sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, it's so remarkable the status
00:53of the mother.
00:54Everybody here knows.
00:56And another thing also about Islam, you know how high up mom is.
00:59You know that.
01:01And then he had a terrible relationship with his mother.
01:04Not because of him, because she was extremely abusive.
01:07And she tortured him mentally, psychologically, even physically sometimes.
01:11To the point where he developed like a major anxiety and started having panic attacks and
01:16even started developing seizures.
01:18So when he would be in the company of his mom, he literally start foaming at the mouth
01:22and pass out.
01:23Like that happened multiple times to him.
01:25Because of the things his mother says.
01:27And the way she abuses him verbally.
01:29And he feels that he has to keep going back to go talk to his mom because he doesn't want
01:35to burn in hell.
01:37Because if I don't go back to mom, then Allah will be angry at me because you don't have
01:41to be the best to your mom.
01:44And so what am I supposed to do?
01:46And I told him, and I say this with a clean conscience.
01:49In his case, the best he can do is stay away from his mom.
01:53Take care of her rights.
01:55Take care of her needs.
01:56But you cannot do that at the expense of you being abused yourself.
02:00If that was the case, Ibrahim a.s. is in an abusive environment where his father is committing
02:05shirk.
02:07He's not there to just stay at home and I'm just going to be with you no matter what.
02:12When he kicks him out, he leaves.
02:14He's gone.
02:16Not everybody's circumstance is the same.
02:19But anyway, that's a side note.
02:21With your relatives, with the orphans, the needy, you do the very best that you can given
02:27your circumstances.
02:29You have to do a full assessment of what your circumstance is.
02:31Maybe even get some outside help.
02:33But to expect that we all have to be perfect in every relationship and everybody's expected
02:37the same standard.
02:38That is just not our deen.
02:40That's just not Islam.
02:41Okay?