Toxic Love - Khutbah by Nouman Ali Khan
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00:00Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah Khaliq al-wujud min al-adam, wa ja'il al-nur min al-tulam,
00:11fa mukhrij al-sabri min al-alam, wa mulqi al-taubati ala al-nadam, fa nashuruhu ala al-masa'ibi
00:17kama nashuruhu ala al-ni'am, wa nusalli ala rasulihi al-akram, al-sharafi al-ashami,
00:22wa al-nur al-atam, wa al-kitabi al-muhkam, wa kamali al-nabiyyin wa al-khatam, sayyidi
00:27wa alayhi s-salatu wa s-salam, wa alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
00:32alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
00:37alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
00:42alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
00:47alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
00:52alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
00:57alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
01:02alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
01:07alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
01:12alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
01:17alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
01:22alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
01:27alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
01:32alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
01:37alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
01:42alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
01:47alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
01:52alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
01:57alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
02:02alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam, alayhi s-salam,
02:08Today's khutbah inshaAllah is about maybe one to three ayat of surah Yusuf.
02:13I've decided, I announced previously that inshaAllah my intention in the month of Ramadan
02:18is to do short reminders from surah Yusuf, reflections on surah Yusuf from the beginning
02:23and go as far as we possibly can.
02:26And I'm going to do that in this khutbah.
02:28And I'm going to do that in this khutbah.
02:30And I'm going to do that in this khutbah.
02:32From surah Yusuf, reflections on surah Yusuf from the beginning and go as far as we possibly can.
02:37But in getting there, I also wanted to introduce not only myself but my audience also
02:43to some very important lessons and the kinds of unique lessons that Allah has captured inside surah Yusuf
02:48that are not found anywhere else in the Quran.
02:50So it stands in a unique place, this surah, for many reasons.
02:54There is no other surah that's dedicated to a story, one singular story, the way that this surah is.
03:00So that already puts it in a unique place.
03:02But there are additional features of this surah that are very interesting, very different.
03:06For example, Allah says,
03:08ููููุฏู ููุงูู ููู ููููุณููู ููุฅูุฎูููุชููู ุขููุงุชู ููููุณููุงุฆูููููู
03:11That certainly in Yusuf and his brothers, there have been many miraculous signs and lessons for those who ask questions.
03:19It seems like a straightforward ayah, but Allah didn't just say,
03:22you have a lot to learn or I have a lot to learn from Yusuf alayhis salaam.
03:25Allah also said, we have a lot to learn from his brothers.
03:28So that's an important thing.
03:30Usually we think of, we have lessons to learn from those that we look up to,
03:33or those that do good, or those that are role models in behavior,
03:38in their faith, in their good deeds, and that's obviously the case.
03:41But Allah says, actually when people fail also, when people mess up also,
03:45you have a lot to learn from that too.
03:47So He didn't just say that you have a lot to learn from Yusuf,
03:50and there are many ayat in Yusuf, but He also said, there are many ayat in his brothers.
03:56But then He didn't just say there are lessons to learn, and revelations, and miracles,
04:00and things that we will benefit from for believers.
04:03He said, ููุณุงุฆููู, and I translated that, for those who ask questions.
04:08But the word ุณุงุฆู means two things.
04:10One, it means someone who asks a question, meaning if you're curious and you want to know, you'll learn a lot.
04:15That's a ุณุงุฆู.
04:17But the word ุณุงุฆู in Arabic and also in the Qur'an is used for someone who is in need.
04:23So when someone is a ุณุงุฆู, you know, ููุณุงุฆู ูุงูู
ุญุฑูู
, the Qur'an says,
04:28the one who asks is actually someone in need.
04:31Or Allah says about him, ููุณูุฃููููู ู
ูู ููู ุงูุณููู
ูุงููุงุชู ููุงููุฃูุฑูุถู ููููู ููููู
ู ูููู ููู ุดูุฃููู ููุจูุฃูููู ุฃูููุงุกู ุฑูุจููููู
ูุง ุชูููุฐููุจูุงุชู
04:39In Surah Rahman, He says, and a bad translation, not a great translation is,
04:43everyone in the sky and the earth is asking Him.
04:47Everyone in the sky and the earth asks Him.
04:49But we know a disbeliever doesn't ask Allah.
04:52The shayateen don't ask Allah, but they still need Allah, don't they?
04:56So the word ุณูุฃููู can actually mean ุญุงุฌุฉ, it can mean someone who is constantly in need.
05:02Even a disbeliever's heart is in need of taking the next beat.
05:05And it turns to Allah for that need so it can beat again.
05:09Even the tongue that disbelieves in Allah and disrespects His Messenger ๏ทบ
05:15needs the ability to be able to move and gets that permission from Allah, it needs Allah still.
05:20Even the one that disobeys Allah.
05:22So here, coming back to this ayah,
05:25Allah says that in Yusuf and his brothers there are many ayahs, many lessons, many miracles, many wisdoms
05:32that are for those who are in need.
05:35And that means that this ayah is about all of us because all of us are always going to be in need.
05:42It's not just a story about a person or a prophet and his brothers or his father and an incredible adventure
05:48and tragedy and the faith that he showed through that tragedy.
05:52But actually this is not just about them, it's for any people who are going to have different kinds of needs.
05:57And so that's what I'm going to try to highlight today is one such ayah, the opening of this story.
06:02How Allah ุนุฒ ู ุฌู opens this story.
06:05And after saying, ููููุฏู ููุงูู ููู ููุตููู ููุฅูุฎูููุชููู ุขููุงุชู ูููุณูุงุฆูููููู
06:09He actually talked about the brothers first, which is interesting.
06:12You would think it's the story of Yusuf, Yusuf spoke to his dad, that's in the beginning of the surah.
06:17But after he says, you have a lot to learn from Yusuf and you have a lot to learn from his brothers,
06:21now he's going to say something about his brothers.
06:23And this is what I wanted to dedicate today's khutbah to, is what Allah says about his brothers.
06:28He says, ุฅูุฐู ููุงูููุง ูููููุณููู ููุฃูุฎูููู ุฃูุญูุจูู ุฅูููููฐ ุฃูุจูููู ู
ููููุง ููููุญููู ุนูุตูุจูู
06:36When they said, Yusuf and his brother are definitely more dearer to our father,
06:45they are definitely more lovable to our dad, meaning our dad loves them more than he does us.
06:51So let's stop there for a second.
06:54Dad loves those two more than he loves us.
06:57Our father loves them more than he loves us, Yusuf and his brother.
07:01This is referring to Binyamin, who has not been mentioned by name in the Qur'an.
07:05So we're already learning there's something about love that we're gonna learn in this surah.
07:09What is it about love that we're gonna learn?
07:11There's a confusion sometimes that happens between what is actually love and what is possession.
07:18When you want to control someone and control how they feel,
07:21or you want them to feel what you want them to feel,
07:24that's no longer love, that's a kind of control.
07:27And Yusuf's brothers, they have this feeling that dad shows affection to Yusuf,
07:33he's kind to him, he's proud of him, he talks to him all the time.
07:37He doesn't give me that kind of attention, he doesn't talk to me that way.
07:41What is that? I don't feel special.
07:43Let's take a step back, who are they talking about?
07:45Who's the father? It's Ya'qub a.s.
07:47And Ya'qub a.s. is an important figure in the Qur'an because when fatherhood is talked about,
07:53parenthood is talked about, Ya'qub a.s. somehow comes out.
07:57So Ya'qub a.s. is actually kind of a role model parent in the Qur'an.
08:02And it's also important because he's a parent of difficult children, isn't he?
08:06So if you're gonna need an example for a parent, then not all parents,
08:11some parents are blessed with easier children,
08:13some parents are blessed with or tried with difficult children.
08:16And they need an example of someone who had to manage the entire spectrum.
08:20So he's given as an example.
08:22Even until his deathbed, the last thing he did was speak to his children.
08:27ู
ูุง ุชูุนูุจูุฏูููู ู
ููู ุจูุนูุฏูู
08:29ุฃูู
ู ูููุชูู
ู ุดูููุฏูุง ุฅูุฐู ุญูุถูุฑู ููุนููููุจู ุงููู
ูููุชู
08:32ุฅูุฐู ููุงูู ููุจููููู ู
ูุง ุชูุนูุจูุฏูููู ู
ููู ุจูุนูุฏูู
08:34Were you there when death came to Ya'qub?
08:37When he asked his children, what are you gonna worship after I'm gone?
08:41Like till his death, he's concerned with who? His children.
08:45So what I'm trying to get at is,
08:47you have to get the thought out of your head that somehow Ya'qub is an unfair father.
08:53That he loves a couple of kids more, and he loves some other kids less.
08:57That idea has to go away.
08:59Because then you and I are starting to think that Ya'qub is not a fair human being.
09:05First of all, he's a prophet, they're above that anyway.
09:08Then on top of that, you can see from the way Allah talks about him in the Qur'an,
09:12that he would never do such a thing.
09:15He would never have such a thing.
09:17And by the way, if you study the surah carefully, that becomes clear too.
09:20In the beginning, he was concerned for the safety of Yusuf, yes?
09:24Later on in the story, his sons come to him.
09:28The ones that supposedly he doesn't love as much.
09:31They come to him, and he's concerned for their safety.
09:34And he's telling them, be careful when you go back in the city.
09:38So you actually find a pretty balanced picture of Ya'qub in the surah.
09:42So to assume that he wasn't a fair father, or he loved some and loved others less,
09:47that's not an okay thing to assume.
09:49But I will help you and myself understand some things about this relationship.
09:54Why are they even saying this then?
09:55Why are his sons even saying, dad loves them more than he loves us?
09:59I'll give you an example.
10:00A couple of sons, one of them comes back with a 30 on his math test.
10:05And another one comes back with a 95 on his math test, yeah?
10:09And the one that comes back with a 95 on his math test,
10:11he's like, come here, give me a hug, I'm so proud of you, good job.
10:15Here, have the rest of my chocolate.
10:18And I'm proud of him, I'm happy with him.
10:20And the one that got a 30, young man, didn't I tell you to do your homework last weekend?
10:24Didn't I tell you to review?
10:25I was gonna go sit and go over the test with you, and prepare you for the test.
10:29And you just wanted to play your video games?
10:30I don't think that's okay.
10:32I need you to go back to your room and think about what just happened here.
10:34And I'm gonna have a chat with your teacher.
10:36They're both my kids, I love them both.
10:39But my reaction to one is different from the other.
10:41And by the way, the kid who got a 30, and he got a little bit of a scolding from me,
10:44and some discipline, as he's walking away, he says,
10:47he's looking at the other brother who got a hug,
10:49he's like, I'm gonna burn your bed when you're sleeping.
10:52Like, he's so upset, because dad loves you more.
10:56I don't even know why he loves you more.
10:59He's not gonna see that he's doing something wrong,
11:01or he messed up, because sometimes a parent needs to give tough love.
11:05Sometimes a parent needs to give encouragement, and motivation, and acknowledgement.
11:09If you accomplish something good, it should be acknowledged.
11:11If you messed up, you need a little bit of discipline.
11:14That's actually a part of love.
11:16If you only got hugs, and praise, and positive reinforcement,
11:20no matter what you did, you would be spoiled rotten.
11:23That would actually not be an act of love,
11:25that would be an act of destruction.
11:27That would be destructive for a parent to do.
11:29To let a child do whatever they want, and to behave however they want,
11:32I still love you anyway, it's okay.
11:34Sometimes tough love is needed too.
11:36And there's a balance in that picture,
11:38that we learned in the story of Yaqub a.s.
11:41But here's where the problem starts.
11:43His sons, they felt like they're not being appreciated.
11:49They felt in their heart,
11:52that dad does love Yusuf more,
11:55does love Binyamin more,
11:57and we don't get that same kind of look on his face,
12:00when he talks to us.
12:01His tone changes.
12:03He doesn't go out of his way to sit with us and talk to us.
12:06Why is that? Why does he love these?
12:08And they're so little, they can't even do anything.
12:10They're just kids.
12:11We're the ones that are running the household,
12:13and so they say,
12:14ููููุญููู ุนูุตูุจูุฉู
12:15We're the ones that are a strong band,
12:17meaning, we do all the labor, we protect this house,
12:20nobody messes with our family, because we're here.
12:23And we're the strength of this family.
12:25We're the ones supporting it.
12:27He's an old man by himself.
12:29And yet, we don't get the love, and the respect, and the appreciation.
12:32What is that?
12:34Here's where the problem starts.
12:37If any one of them felt this way,
12:40because you can't say all nine of them
12:43had the feeling exactly at the same time.
12:46Or ten of them had the feeling exactly at the same time.
12:49You can't imagine that.
12:51One of them felt this way.
12:52Two of them felt this way.
12:54But even if they felt this way,
12:55they don't know that each other feels this way, right?
12:58You can't telepathically feel.
13:00You have to discuss it.
13:01If you feel that dad's not being fair,
13:04if you feel that dad doesn't love enough,
13:06if you feel that dad's upset, I don't know why.
13:08If you feel that dad was giving preferential treatment
13:11to one son over the other,
13:12then the thing that you should have done,
13:15is go talk to dad.
13:17Go sit and talk to him.
13:18Dad, I feel like getting a little shorter end of the stick.
13:21I feel this in my heart.
13:23And the dad would have given him a hug,
13:25and say, no son, that's not the case, I love you.
13:27But the thing is, you messed up here,
13:29you did this, you did this,
13:30you stole, you did this, etc, etc, etc.
13:32And that's why I was upset with you.
13:33I don't want you to go down that path.
13:36And I'm with you.
13:38So they would have worked it out.
13:40They would have worked it out.
13:41But what happens is,
13:42shaitan wants to come between people.
13:45And when you feel something negative
13:47towards someone you love,
13:48now this is not just about siblings and parents,
13:51any close relationship.
13:52When you feel something negative
13:54towards someone you love,
13:56then one of the things shaitan wants you to do
13:58is not address it.
14:00Don't talk about it.
14:01Don't talk about it with the person
14:03who you feel it towards.
14:04Talk about it with other people.
14:07You know what dad made me feel today?
14:09I felt like so useless.
14:10And he's like, me too.
14:12And the other two start talking,
14:13and three start talking,
14:14and four start talking.
14:15And before you know it, all ten are talking.
14:18All eleven are talking.
14:19I'll give you an example from my experience,
14:21that's not about family,
14:22it's about social relationships.
14:26One time when I was teaching Arabic,
14:28one time one of my students felt like
14:30I was going too fast.
14:32In the class lecture, I was going too fast.
14:33Now the thing with me as a teacher is,
14:35if you tell me to repeat something,
14:36I'll repeat it.
14:37If you tell me to stay after class
14:38and teach it to you,
14:39I'll stay after class and teach it to you.
14:40If you want me to stay overnight
14:41and keep teaching it to you until you get it,
14:43I'll stay and teach it to you until you get it.
14:45If you want me to start the whole lecture
14:46all over again, no problem,
14:47I'll start it all over again.
14:49My job is to teach you,
14:50teach you, and teach you.
14:51And if you keep saying,
14:52I don't get it, I don't get it,
14:53I'll come up with a third way,
14:54a fourth way, a fifth way,
14:55because I need you to get it.
14:57That's my job.
14:58But I can't know that telepathically.
15:00You have to actually what?
15:02Tell me.
15:04You have to tell me,
15:05hey, it was a little fast for me,
15:07so can you slow down
15:09or could you repeat that concept please?
15:11You could just tell me, right?
15:13But what happens?
15:14This one student goes in the break and says,
15:17I was going too fast.
15:19And says it to what?
15:20Three other students?
15:21And those three students said,
15:22one of them says,
15:23I guess it was a little fast,
15:25but I was okay.
15:26No, I wasn't okay.
15:27Another student said,
15:28I wasn't okay.
15:29It is fast.
15:30Okay, if the three of you feel this way,
15:32let's go talk to a fourth, fifth, and sixth.
15:34The three of us feel like
15:35Ustadh goes too fast.
15:36What do you think?
15:37Yeah, I think so.
15:38Yeah, yeah.
15:39If you guys feel this way,
15:40I'm with you.
15:41Don't you think we should say something?
15:43How many people actually felt this way?
15:45One or two?
15:46But instead of addressing it,
15:48what do you do?
15:49You go around?
15:51And now even if I'm teaching super slow,
15:54they've already programmed their head.
15:56He's gonna go so fast right now,
15:57I just know it.
15:58He's gonna go so fast right now.
16:00And then somebody comes up to me,
16:02Ustadh,
16:03everybody feels like you're going too fast.
16:05Everybody, really.
16:06Everybody feels like that.
16:08You guys talk about your feelings later?
16:10How about you tell me first?
16:12So what happens is,
16:13in an office,
16:14in a family,
16:15in a classroom,
16:16sometimes one problem,
16:18when not discussed with the right people,
16:20it could be a little snowflake,
16:22but eventually turns into a snowball,
16:24eventually turns into an avalanche.
16:26It becomes huge.
16:28And it was something very small.
16:30These young men
16:32had the opportunity to talk openly with their dad.
16:35They didn't.
16:36They talked to who?
16:38Each other.
16:39And when they talked to each other,
16:41now, even if you talk to each other,
16:43you could say,
16:44well, you know, dad was right for being upset.
16:46We did kind of steal a goat,
16:48or I'm making that up.
16:50We did kind of mess up.
16:52So I mean, what did you expect?
16:54But no,
16:55they're gonna say all the good things about themselves.
16:57Why doesn't he see all the good things that we do?
16:59Why does he only see the bad stuff that we do?
17:02And now they're starting to paint a picture
17:04of their father in their mind
17:06that is not based on reality,
17:07that's based on their feelings.
17:10So you, instead of actually talking to someone
17:12and understanding where they're coming from,
17:14you assume you already know everything,
17:17everything there is to know about someone else.
17:19For example, in this ayah,
17:21when they said,
17:23dad loves them more,
17:25they are more beloved to dad than us.
17:29Aren't they talking about the heart of their father?
17:32Aren't they?
17:34And if they're talking about the heart of their father,
17:36who are you and I or anybody else
17:38to know what goes on inside somebody's heart?
17:41But when you create this kind of conversation about someone,
17:45then it starts assuming that you know them from the inside out.
17:50You can speak on behalf of their feelings too,
17:52their thoughts too.
17:53You know everything there is to know.
17:55You become an all-knowing judge of them
17:59and then you create your narrative,
18:01you create an alternative story.
18:04We have such a problem in the political world
18:06when people have alternative facts,
18:09alternative news,
18:12fake news.
18:13We create fake realities about people in our minds.
18:17They created a fake reality about a prophet
18:19who lived among them, their father,
18:21that he loves our dad more,
18:23loves our brothers more than he loves us.
18:25Well, we're the ones that are bad.
18:26And then they went so far, so far.
18:30He's a prophet.
18:31I want you to remember that.
18:32He's a prophet
18:33and he's been teaching all of his children
18:35that he inherited this legacy,
18:37like he told Yusuf a.s. from Ibrahim a.s.
18:41To Ishaq a.s.
18:43To Yaqub a.s.
18:44You are grandchildren,
18:46great-grandchildren of Ibrahim a.s.
18:49And he's teaching this legacy to them.
18:51And what did they say about their father?
18:52Who is a prophet?
18:54They say about him,
18:55ุฅูููู ุฃูุจููฐููุง ููููู ุถูููุงูู ู
ููุจูููู
18:58Our dad is obviously lost,
19:01clearly lost in misguidance.
19:03Wow!
19:05You're telling yourselves
19:07that you have it right
19:09and your father is in misguidance.
19:13Who you know to be a prophet.
19:15That's how delusional your feelings can make you
19:19when you don't address them in a healthy way.
19:22That's how far they can take you.
19:24It's the example of water which is pure,
19:28but if it's left standing,
19:30it festers, it gets infested,
19:33it turns into poison.
19:35Water which is supposed to be a source of life
19:37can turn into a source of death, disease, filth.
19:40It can turn into filth.
19:42And that's exactly what happens to emotions
19:44that are not properly addressed.
19:46Now it could be, it could very well be
19:49that the person you're dealing with
19:51is not like Yaqub a.s.
19:53It could be that the person you're dealing with,
19:55when you tell them how you truly feel,
19:57they're the ones that are actually
20:00in some kind of misguidance
20:02and turn abusive towards you.
20:04That's possible too.
20:06Not everybody's got a Yaqub to deal with.
20:08So the problem sometimes is about
20:10on the end of someone who feels something
20:12and doesn't say it, right?
20:14That's one kind of problem.
20:15But also maybe they learn not to say it
20:17because every time they try to say it,
20:19they get abused.
20:21So they were silenced because
20:23they didn't get a supportive or a loving response.
20:27But that's not the case here.
20:29Now in those kinds of cases,
20:31that's the opposite scenario
20:33and that's actually the story of Musa and Firaun.
20:36Where he had to stand up to someone
20:38who's abusive in the family.
20:39That's a different story altogether.
20:41Allah teaches us one scenario in one story,
20:43another scenario in another story.
20:45So you can look at each case, study carefully
20:47and understand how to deal with each of those scenarios.
20:49But we're dealing with one of these scenarios right now.
20:51And that scenario is,
20:53when you don't address your feelings,
20:55they can fester.
20:57And you can create a picture of someone,
20:59even you live with them,
21:00and you have misconceptions about them.
21:02And not only misconceptions, you have conviction.
21:04You're absolutely convinced, this is how they are.
21:06I know them inside out.
21:08And your thoughts are just getting fortified
21:11and more fortified and more fortified
21:13to the point where now,
21:15look at what they did.
21:17These two are more beloved to him.
21:19They don't even deserve that kind of love
21:21because we're the ones supporting the family.
21:23You know, dad's just confused.
21:25But that also means confusion.
21:27Dad's obviously confused.
21:29We need to help him out here
21:30because he can't help himself.
21:32How are we going to help him?
21:33Well, we have to get rid of his confused emotions.
21:36We can't do that until the problem is there.
21:38What's the problem? Yusuf.
21:40That's the real problem.
21:42Now, it's interesting, right?
21:43Yusuf and his brother are more beloved,
21:46but they don't want to kill Yusuf and his brother.
21:48They just want to kill who?
21:49Just Yusuf.
21:51They don't want to kill his brother.
21:52Now, brother, probably we can address that.
21:55Maybe let's start small.
21:57If the problem continues,
21:58we'll go after the brother too.
22:01They get so far
22:03that they're willing to say,
22:04kill Yusuf.
22:06Or throw him somewhere.
22:08Just leave him in some far off valley,
22:10land, some unknown uncharted place.
22:13Take him out on the boonies in the highway
22:14and just leave him on the side of the street and run.
22:17Let's just do that.
22:19This is the conversation
22:20brothers are having about their own brother.
22:22Why is the Qur'an mentioning this?
22:24Allah is telling us
22:25this kind of crazy can happen even inside families.
22:28And it can even happen
22:30when you come from a really good family.
22:32Because you're not going to get a better family
22:34than your dad is Yaqub a.s.
22:37And your granddad is Ishaq a.s.
22:39And your great granddad is Ibrahim a.s.
22:41That's a pretty good family.
22:43That's a pretty noble family tree.
22:45And they're pretty messed up,
22:46the conversations they're having, aren't they?
22:48That's a sick conversation.
22:50And there's not even kuffar who worship idols
22:53or who throw babies at the altars
22:55and sacrifice them and all the crazy stuff.
22:57These are Muslims.
22:59They're raised Muslims.
23:01They're raised Muslims by a prophet.
23:04That's how they're raised.
23:06And yet they can get to this point.
23:08What this also teaches us,
23:09there are many lessons here,
23:10but one last one for quick reference
23:13is sometimes parents can do everything they can,
23:16but when children or sons and daughters,
23:19such as parents,
23:21you in a relationship can do everything you can,
23:23but when someone else has an emotional disorder
23:26and they don't want to address that,
23:28then you can't help them.
23:30You could even be Yaqub a.s. and you can't help them.
23:34All you can do is have sabr.
23:36Because sometimes people don't want to help themselves,
23:38they can't be helped.
23:40He's a prophet and he couldn't turn their tide.
23:43He couldn't turn them in a different direction.
23:46And the crazy they had in their head,
23:49what did they say?
23:50ููุฎููููุง ููููู
ู ููุฌููููุง ุฃูุจููููู
ู
23:52I won't even end the ayah.
23:53ููุฎููููุง ููููู
ู ููุฌููููุง ุฃูุจููููู
ู
23:54They said, throw him somewhere far away
23:56and your father's face will only turn towards you.
24:02Meaning, this is how psychotic this really is.
24:05Let me put it in different words for you.
24:06Dad's got so much love,
24:08but he's confused,
24:09he keeps giving it to Yusuf and his brother.
24:11Once we get rid of Yusuf,
24:13he's gonna be like,
24:14I got all this love left over,
24:15what should I do with it?
24:17Oh, you guys are still here?
24:19Let me love you now.
24:22This is what you have in your head?
24:24You know why they think this way?
24:26Because they think that their actions
24:28can control somebody else's emotions.
24:32Why don't you feel this way,
24:34the way I want you to feel?
24:36I want you to feel the way I want you to feel.
24:39That's not love, that's control.
24:42That makes them feel something valuable about themselves.
24:44Because they don't wanna look in the mirror
24:46at what they're doing wrong,
24:47they just wanna look at,
24:48why don't you feel this way towards me?
24:50Why aren't you giving me the validation that I need?
24:53So it's actually more about them
24:55than about the love of their father.
24:57And if they love their father,
24:59they would be caring about their father, right?
25:02If they're so dying for the love of their dad,
25:04then why is it that later on in the surah,
25:06the father is crying,
25:08he's going blind,
25:09and they're yelling at him.
25:10They're yelling at him.
25:12This is love?
25:14You know?
25:15It shows you that it's actually not love.
25:17It's some kind of a toxic,
25:19possessive, controlling disorder thing
25:22that they confuse with love.
25:24And that's one of the things we learn in this surah
25:27is how sometimes pure emotions like love
25:30and noble relationships like children and parents,
25:34siblings, spouses,
25:36noble relationships can become extremely toxic
25:39when those emotions are not guided
25:42and they're not dealt with in a healthy way.
25:45With that inshaAllah wa ta'ala we conclude today's khutbah.
25:47BarakAllahu li walakum fil quranil hakeem
25:49wa nafa'ani wa iya'akum bil ayaatin wa thikril hakeem
26:12ุงูููู
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26:25ุนุจุงุฏ ุงููู ุฑุญู
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26:53ูุชุงุจุฉ ุงูุตูุงุฉ ูุชุงุจุฉ ุงูุตูุงุฉ
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ุฏ ููู ุฑุจ ุงูุนุงูู
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27:25ุบูุฑ ุงูู
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27:41ูููู ูููู ููุงูู ุงููุจูุญูุฑู ู
ูุฏูุงุฏูุง ููููููู
ูุงุชู ุฑูุจููู ููููููุฐู ุงููุจูุญูุฑู ููุจููู ุฃููู ุชูููููุฏู ููููู
ูุงุชู ุฑูุจููู ูููููู ุฌูุฆูููุง ุจูู
ูุซููููู ู
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27:55ูููู ุฅููููู
ูุง ุฃูููุง ุจูุดูุฑู ู
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28:08ููู
ููู ููุงูู ููุบูุฌูู ููููุงุกู ุฑูุจูููู ููููููุนูู
ููู ุนูู
ูููุง ุตูุงููุญูุง ููููุง ููุดูุฑููู ุจูุนูุจูุงุฏูุฉู ุฑูุจูููู ุฃูุญูุฏูุง
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ุฏ ููู ุฑุจ ุงูุนุงูู
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29:08ุฅูุงู ูุนุจุฏ ูุฅูุงู ูุณุชุนูู ุจูุง ุงูุตุฑุงุท ุงูู
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29:15ุฅูุงู ูุณุชุนูู ุจูุง ุงูุตุฑุงุท ุงูู
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29:20ุตุฑุงุท ุงูุฐูู ุฃูุนู
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