• 4 days ago
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00:00:00The last time my dad was with me, he was already old.
00:00:04I was still playing with him.
00:00:06My dad said, if I dye my hair white, I'll look handsome again.
00:00:11I wasn't as strong as I used to be.
00:00:14I was strong.
00:00:16If other people were around, I would have died.
00:00:18I was a villain.
00:00:19If I was a villain, I would have died.
00:00:21Why did you say I was a villain?
00:00:25I believe in my late father.
00:00:30He supported me from the beginning until now.
00:00:55I understand why you're crying.
00:00:57You went through that phase yourself.
00:01:07Peace be upon you.
00:01:09You're back with me, Sudirman Muatthair,
00:01:11in the show podcast, Konfession Be Gelap.
00:01:13Today, I'm with a singer,
00:01:16I think we all know her by now.
00:01:18She's the winner of Azharina Azhar.
00:01:25Yes, that's right.
00:01:26Peace be upon you.
00:01:27How are you?
00:01:28Praise be to God, I'm fine.
00:01:30I'm the only one who can talk about myself.
00:01:34You're still cheerful, right?
00:01:36Praise be to God.
00:01:37Life must be cheerful.
00:01:38I can't be stressed.
00:01:39No matter what comes.
00:01:41No matter what.
00:01:43Life must go on.
00:01:46Life must be cheerful.
00:01:47Why should I be stressed?
00:01:50How are your children?
00:01:51Praise be to God, they've just turned 10.
00:01:56I turned 40 yesterday.
00:01:59I'll be turning 7 this weekend.
00:02:03I'm grateful that I still have the chance to be with them,
00:02:09to see them grow up,
00:02:11to be with me and my father-in-law.
00:02:15Nyunya, raising two boys,
00:02:21who you probably know by now,
00:02:25even though they're not from the same blood.
00:02:27Yes, that's right.
00:02:28Rahmat is from the same blood.
00:02:30That's right.
00:02:31People say, it's from one's own blood.
00:02:36But raising them up,
00:02:39people see Azharina as a mother.
00:02:45Praise be to God.
00:02:46She has a motherly nature.
00:02:48She's responsible.
00:02:50Praise be to God.
00:02:51Like a single mother, like everyone else.
00:02:53Praise be to God.
00:02:54For me, it doesn't mean that we're born into this world
00:02:58with the advantage of being a woman.
00:03:01We're lucky to have our own flesh and blood.
00:03:04There are women out there,
00:03:06and one of my examples,
00:03:07maybe I'm not lucky enough to have my own children.
00:03:10But I've never thought of it as a barrier,
00:03:15a barrier for me to feel and enjoy life
00:03:21as long as it's like women and other mothers.
00:03:24So I'm grateful.
00:03:26I was married before, as far as I know,
00:03:29but I didn't have a child.
00:03:31I had four miscarriages.
00:03:34I mean, we don't want to talk about it later.
00:03:38But my husband didn't want to have a child first,
00:03:41and I was too young.
00:03:42So, humans make mistakes in their lives.
00:03:45And I'm grateful because I was given a second chance,
00:03:48a blessing for the presence of God and God's blessings.
00:03:53You were there too, God's blessings and blessings.
00:03:57But there was no difference.
00:04:00I didn't feel like, oh, because Rahmat and Reda
00:04:03weren't born from my womb,
00:04:05so I didn't have the feeling of loving them like my own children.
00:04:11There was no difference.
00:04:13Maybe it's because I was born with love and affection in my heart.
00:04:19I can't deny that in the family,
00:04:23there must be some who are stubborn.
00:04:26There must be some who don't accept it.
00:04:28There must be some who say, oh, that's not their child.
00:04:30It's in the mouth and lips of others, not in my mouth and lips.
00:04:34In my heart, 100%, if there is 100%,
00:04:39it may be more than 100%,
00:04:41creating love in both of them.
00:04:45Nunia, sorry if I want to ask.
00:04:49At the age of Rahmat, at the age of Reda,
00:04:52now that she has grown up,
00:04:55have they ever asked about their father's body?
00:05:00Many times.
00:05:01For example, Rahmat yesterday,
00:05:03if you watch my video update,
00:05:06she saw, I'm sorry, she saw me wearing this ring.
00:05:11This ring is a wedding ring, right?
00:05:13Me and my ex-husband.
00:05:15So after that, she asked,
00:05:17Mummy, who gave you this beautiful ring?
00:05:19I said, Papa.
00:05:20Because she knew who Papa was.
00:05:21She knew Papa was my ex-husband.
00:05:23She also knew her father, her father,
00:05:26my cousin, Abang Faizal.
00:05:29Then she also called my younger brother,
00:05:31if Aimon, because he was already there.
00:05:33Papa had a son, so Abang Aimon.
00:05:37The others, her uncle, she called Chacha,
00:05:39Chacha Man, Chacha Edry, everyone.
00:05:42So she asked, why didn't Papa ever come home?
00:05:47Why didn't his father live with us?
00:05:50I said, your father is in the village.
00:05:52I tried to explain.
00:05:53But the boy, we have to understand,
00:05:55through a boy, he didn't understand the whole situation.
00:06:00But when he went back to Sabah, he met his father.
00:06:03And I tried to explain in a way that
00:06:07didn't make it hard for him to understand
00:06:10and at the same time didn't hurt anyone's feelings.
00:06:14Because my relationship with my family,
00:06:18with my cousin, was very, very close.
00:06:20So there was no barrier.
00:06:22He could call his father anytime,
00:06:24his father could call him anytime, he would meet him.
00:06:26It was the same with Reza.
00:06:28I never stopped him.
00:06:30That's what people want to understand about Nina's situation.
00:06:32Nina never stopped her biological mother
00:06:35from coming to see her son.
00:06:36In fact, I once, in one situation,
00:06:39I forced Reza's mother to come and meet.
00:06:44But Reza's mother didn't want to
00:06:47and cut off her relationship with her son.
00:06:52Because she wanted to forget that situation
00:06:55because her son, maybe her family didn't know.
00:06:57So those are two different situations.
00:07:00When they asked, but like Reza, he didn't ask.
00:07:03Maybe he was too young.
00:07:05But Rahmat, his character, really liked to ask.
00:07:09And when he asked, it was hard.
00:07:12It was hard for me.
00:07:14But I mean, you have to go through it no matter what.
00:07:18But try to give an explanation with a calmer state.
00:07:22Not too serious because the child can't accept it.
00:07:26Nina wanted to take care of two boys.
00:07:29With no experience.
00:07:35Moreover, when she grew up,
00:07:37we know that boys want to go back and forth.
00:07:41So, you have to be ready, right?
00:07:44If it's a girl, maybe she understands because she's a woman.
00:07:48It's very difficult.
00:07:50It's a lie if I say I don't have a hard heart.
00:07:53I have a very hard heart, Nyonya.
00:07:55Especially now, he has started to raise Rahmat.
00:07:58He's very big.
00:08:00His shoes are bigger than mine.
00:08:02His clothes are bigger.
00:08:04We can share.
00:08:06So, they slept with me.
00:08:09Until now.
00:08:11So, Rahmat...
00:08:13I admit that he slept on my chest.
00:08:17But when he was too big, too fat,
00:08:20he slept on my arms.
00:08:23To this day, he still sleeps on my arms.
00:08:25He still sleeps on my arms.
00:08:27So, when he wants to do circumcision,
00:08:29he will do circumcision soon.
00:08:31We had a lot of discussions with Ani.
00:08:36We had to take Rahmat when he was circumcised.
00:08:38I couldn't sleep with Rahmat anymore.
00:08:40I had to move to another room.
00:08:41Rahmat wasn't ready.
00:08:42From year to year, from the age of 7 to now,
00:08:45it's been 10 years.
00:08:46It's been dragging for 3 years, Nyonya.
00:08:49It's already at the end of the year.
00:08:52So, he and I have to accept it.
00:08:55Because there will be a puberty.
00:08:59When it happens,
00:09:01mental and physical readiness for me as a mother.
00:09:06Because I've never...
00:09:08If I'm separated from my son,
00:09:10honestly, even for a day,
00:09:12I feel like I've lost a man for a month.
00:09:16Every day, I have to express my love to my son.
00:09:20I love you.
00:09:21I miss you.
00:09:22I love you.
00:09:23I cannot live without you.
00:09:24That's what I've been taught since I was young.
00:09:27That's how I raised my son.
00:09:29So, I have to accept him mentally and physically.
00:09:33But he's also good at expressing himself.
00:09:35If you're already circumcised, it's okay.
00:09:37We'll do it.
00:09:38We'll do it in the middle.
00:09:41But I tried.
00:09:42For example, going to Semang Jumaat.
00:09:44We can't send him to Semang Jumaat.
00:09:47But we can take him.
00:09:49So, Ani and I took the initiative.
00:09:51Every Friday, we go to Semang Jumaat.
00:09:54He will go with his friend.
00:09:56His mother is also Ustazah Rahmat.
00:09:59So, I've started to send them.
00:10:02Every Friday, he goes to Semang Jumaat at home.
00:10:05So, that's one of the things we take the initiative to do.
00:10:08Reciting every week.
00:10:09It's a must for them.
00:10:10From the age of four to three years old, I've started.
00:10:15Go to tuition.
00:10:17Alhamdulillah.
00:10:18I'm very grateful to my children.
00:10:21Still in the track and foundation that we designed.
00:10:25And Ani is there to monitor if I'm not there.
00:10:29Sometimes I have to sing.
00:10:31I have to go to shows.
00:10:33I have to visit my family in Sabah.
00:10:35And manage other businesses.
00:10:38They know that their mother is a busy person.
00:10:42A singer.
00:10:44Yes.
00:10:45The best thing is that she's always sad.
00:10:47Like yesterday, she asked,
00:10:49Why is your mother so far away from Johor?
00:10:51What are you doing?
00:10:52Have you seen your mother singing?
00:10:54I have to rehearse.
00:10:55I feel sorry for her.
00:10:56It's okay.
00:10:57When Rahmat grows up,
00:10:59Rahmat will become an engineer.
00:11:02Rahmat's salary will be given to me.
00:11:04I don't have to sing anymore.
00:11:06Luluh.
00:11:07Kugur jantung.
00:11:09Cair.
00:11:10The words of a child, right?
00:11:12Yes.
00:11:13But that's it, right?
00:11:15Maybe it's because she came from an unconventional family.
00:11:22Compared to other people out there.
00:11:25So, her flow is more sensitive.
00:11:28And she's more sensitive to the environment.
00:11:31There's even one case.
00:11:33Not one case, but several cases.
00:11:35This is a true story.
00:11:37She's in school.
00:11:39Her friend, her mother, is also working.
00:11:42She doesn't cook for her child.
00:11:45So, the one who always drives her is the driver.
00:11:48Her mother never prepares food.
00:11:51So, Rahmat always brings food.
00:11:53They are my children.
00:11:54Food delivery from home.
00:11:56I always bring food to school.
00:11:58They will bring biscuits, Milo every day.
00:12:02If I cook, they will bring it.
00:12:05So, to be honest, Rahmat is already 4 years old.
00:12:10I just gave her school allowance.
00:12:12It's RM20 a month.
00:12:14Sometimes it's spent, sometimes it's not.
00:12:17I've never used RM50 for a year.
00:12:20That money is kept.
00:12:21Because she doesn't need it.
00:12:23She goes to school and brings food.
00:12:25She brings food from kindergarten.
00:12:27She never does that.
00:12:28So, she told me,
00:12:30can you bring more food?
00:12:33I feel sorry for Rahmat's friend.
00:12:35I don't want to mention her name.
00:12:37Her mother doesn't care.
00:12:39She never prepares food for her at school.
00:12:41She doesn't even have enough money to spend.
00:12:43Rahmat wants to give.
00:12:45So, for the past three years,
00:12:48we have brought more food for her friend.
00:12:51She will share it with her friend.
00:12:53One time, her friend complained,
00:12:55they wanted to be kicked out.
00:12:57From a house,
00:12:59as if they couldn't afford to rent a house.
00:13:01She went home,
00:13:03she waited for me to be free.
00:13:05She asked me, can you pay for Rahmat's friend?
00:13:08His father is sick, he doesn't have money.
00:13:11He doesn't have money to pay for a house.
00:13:13So, I said, she is very strong.
00:13:17True.
00:13:18And she helped.
00:13:20We helped.
00:13:21And if you take her to eat,
00:13:23for example, you take her to places,
00:13:26if she sees people wearing statues,
00:13:28she will ask, can you give me 2 ringgit,
00:13:313 ringgit, 5 ringgit?
00:13:32She will share.
00:13:33Then she sees people singing,
00:13:35she must give money.
00:13:36Rahmat and Reda,
00:13:37they see people struggling,
00:13:38what do they have to say?
00:13:39Maybe because we are from their childhood,
00:13:41we went to give money, food,
00:13:43everything by begging.
00:13:45And I taught from a young age.
00:13:47Like Rahmat and Reda.
00:13:48I said, you see that person singing
00:13:50on the side of the road,
00:13:51on the side of the road.
00:13:52He is a pastor, right?
00:13:54Right.
00:13:55So, he is also looking for profit, I said.
00:13:58From that way,
00:14:00using his talent.
00:14:02We as people,
00:14:03as listeners,
00:14:04we must give.
00:14:06Because I said, we appreciate his talent.
00:14:09Don't just complain.
00:14:11If that person complains to you,
00:14:13asking for money,
00:14:14you think, does he have enough strength or not?
00:14:17If he has enough strength,
00:14:18why doesn't he want to work?
00:14:19He wants to ask for alms.
00:14:20If he has enough character,
00:14:22everything,
00:14:24why do you think you need to share with him?
00:14:26There are people who are more difficult than him.
00:14:28While he has enough character to work.
00:14:30But if he uses his talent,
00:14:32everything,
00:14:33you have to appreciate.
00:14:34So, since childhood,
00:14:35he has been educated.
00:14:36He must be given.
00:14:37And both of my children are grateful to God.
00:14:39It's not that I want to praise.
00:14:40I really like to help people.
00:14:42Rahmat is quite mature, right?
00:14:45Very.
00:14:46He is mature from his age.
00:14:48But in school, he is still naughty.
00:14:50Boys will be boys.
00:14:52But he is very mature for his age.
00:14:56The result of education.
00:14:57Amen.
00:14:59Hopefully, Nyonya can be a good and pious child.
00:15:04Nyonya, as a single parent,
00:15:06as people say,
00:15:07you are a mother, you are a father.
00:15:11At one stage,
00:15:15you still have to work too.
00:15:17Of course, you have to pay your employees,
00:15:19run your business,
00:15:20and take care of your children.
00:15:25At some point, you will feel...
00:15:28Tired.
00:15:30Tired.
00:15:37It's a must.
00:15:39We are human, right?
00:15:41Ordinary people.
00:15:42There are times when
00:15:45we have to provide for each other.
00:15:48Because we have needs in life.
00:15:50And we have responsibilities.
00:15:52Like, you are responsible for your mother.
00:15:54Like me, I am responsible for my mother and family.
00:15:56Now it's even more.
00:15:58Now I have two responsibilities.
00:15:59I have to take care of my mother and stepmother.
00:16:01But both are still my mother.
00:16:03So, at the same time,
00:16:05my siblings, my family,
00:16:06and my children,
00:16:07and my employees too.
00:16:11I have to help and provide for them.
00:16:14It doesn't include my children.
00:16:16I have to take care of them.
00:16:18My poor children.
00:16:21I think that's one of the needs
00:16:23that I have to fulfill.
00:16:26There are days when I feel...
00:16:31I can't wake up.
00:16:33Especially when I'm sick.
00:16:37I can't sleep with my children.
00:16:39If I just finished treatment,
00:16:40I can't sleep with my children.
00:16:43That's the time for me to cry.
00:16:45That's the time for me to sit still.
00:16:47And that's the time for me to let go
00:16:49of the pain and exhaustion.
00:16:52Because there's no place for me to complain.
00:16:54I can't.
00:16:56I can't complain to my mother.
00:16:58My mother depends on me,
00:17:00my stepmother,
00:17:02and other people.
00:17:04So, the only thing I can complain about
00:17:06is what's above.
00:17:09It's tiring.
00:17:11Because you won't get an answer on the dot.
00:17:13But, thank God,
00:17:15there's one thing that I've never...
00:17:18I think I've never forgotten.
00:17:21And I will never take it for granted.
00:17:23Because Allah has never decided
00:17:25on a path of sustenance for me.
00:17:27No matter how hard,
00:17:29no matter how difficult
00:17:31and difficult it is for me
00:17:33to get something,
00:17:35Allah will still give me a path.
00:17:38And Allah has never given in my life...
00:17:40It's a sin if I lie.
00:17:42I have to be grateful to Allah.
00:17:44Even once in my life,
00:17:46I've never eaten...
00:17:48People say I've never eaten anything bad.
00:17:50Every day in my life,
00:17:52I get Allah's sustenance,
00:17:54I eat what people say is good.
00:17:58My sustenance, I've never once in my life
00:18:00broken.
00:18:02No matter how hard it is for me,
00:18:04my food will still be lavish.
00:18:06I don't know where the sustenance comes from.
00:18:08It can be sent by Allah's servants
00:18:10whom I don't know,
00:18:12whom I share,
00:18:14or I happen to walk around.
00:18:18There's still a path of Allah's sustenance.
00:18:20I've never said it's lavish.
00:18:22I've never said it's bad.
00:18:24It's always good.
00:18:26Praise be to Allah.
00:18:28That's one thing I always remember.
00:18:30And I believe,
00:18:32one more thing,
00:18:34I've learned from my ancestors,
00:18:36my ancestors and my own father,
00:18:38they don't care about food.
00:18:40Wherever they go,
00:18:42the whole village is fed.
00:18:44It's true, I'm not lying.
00:18:46They can feed the whole restaurant.
00:18:48They don't even know the people in there.
00:18:50They can feed themselves,
00:18:52regardless of religion or race.
00:18:54Those are my ancestors,
00:18:56my ancestors, my ancestors.
00:18:58So, from there, I've learned.
00:19:00That's why I believe that my sustenance
00:19:02no matter how hard it is,
00:19:04I've complained to my mother.
00:19:06My mother said,
00:19:08believe it, your sustenance will never be wasted.
00:19:10And I hold the words of my ancestors,
00:19:12my ancestors,
00:19:14from my mother.
00:19:16Because I was raised in Keningau,
00:19:18by my grandmother and my ancestors.
00:19:20So, she said,
00:19:22Ninang,
00:19:26whatever you want to look for in your life,
00:19:28whatever you want in your life,
00:19:30if Allah wills it,
00:19:32you won't have a hard time.
00:19:34But you have to be careful in the hereafter.
00:19:36You have to always remember to give charity.
00:19:38Because I've never complained about that.
00:19:40I hold on to their words.
00:19:42Because people in the past were knowledgeable.
00:19:46Nyonya, the loss of three individuals
00:19:49who were close to Nyonya,
00:19:52and they saw
00:19:54the success of Nyonya from the beginning,
00:19:57until the current Azharina,
00:20:00until now,
00:20:02when they no longer had Nyonya.
00:20:14I didn't have the chance
00:20:16to mourn
00:20:19my father's passing.
00:20:22Because I have a big responsibility.
00:20:24I am the oldest child.
00:20:26So, when my father,
00:20:28my father's last son,
00:20:30who was not even 100 days old,
00:20:32on the 25th,
00:20:34was only 100 days old,
00:20:36it was very difficult
00:20:38because my father's responsibilities
00:20:40were all transferred to me.
00:20:42Not only the social responsibilities,
00:20:44but also the responsibilities of the family
00:20:46were very heavy and social.
00:20:48Why did I say it was big and heavy?
00:20:50Because my family is a big family.
00:20:52My father has other wives,
00:20:54other than my mother.
00:20:56We are the fourth from the first mother.
00:20:58The second mother has two,
00:21:00the third mother has one more.
00:21:02So, we are seven siblings.
00:21:04Some are not married and are still studying.
00:21:06That is my responsibility for the management
00:21:08and management of my father's death.
00:21:10Thank God, it was very smooth.
00:21:12But I didn't have time to grieve.
00:21:14I didn't have time to grieve.
00:21:16All my siblings,
00:21:18especially my second brother,
00:21:20I didn't have time to grieve my father's death.
00:21:22I didn't have time.
00:21:24Because I couldn't show it,
00:21:26I was sad.
00:21:28At the same time, I was sick.
00:21:30At that time, I was still,
00:21:32I just finished my treatment in September.
00:21:34So, at the same time,
00:21:36I was sick,
00:21:38I also lost my father.
00:21:40So, there were three big individuals
00:21:42in my life
00:21:44who were very much
00:21:46like they were
00:21:50torn from my heart
00:21:54and left
00:21:56a big hole
00:21:58which was
00:22:00my father,
00:22:02my son's guardian,
00:22:04my grandmother's guardian.
00:22:08Until today,
00:22:10I still can't
00:22:12move on.
00:22:16Oh,
00:22:18it's not easy.
00:22:20Because people don't understand.
00:22:22As a mother,
00:22:24even though you were not
00:22:26the mother who gave birth,
00:22:28God didn't give me.
00:22:30I remember when I
00:22:32lost my father,
00:22:34the fourth time,
00:22:36I spoke to God.
00:22:38I said,
00:22:42I said,
00:22:44I said,
00:22:46I said,
00:22:48Oh, God,
00:22:50even though I was not given
00:22:54even though I was not given
00:22:56the blessing to give birth
00:22:58to a child from my womb,
00:23:00give me the blessing
00:23:04to be a mother.
00:23:08God answered my prayer.
00:23:10God answered my prayer.
00:23:12And my father,
00:23:14I was close to my father.
00:23:18If there was any problem,
00:23:20I would complain to him.
00:23:22If he wasn't there,
00:23:24my responsibility as a guardian
00:23:26of my siblings fell to me.
00:23:28Even though I was a woman,
00:23:30but because I was the oldest,
00:23:32I had to take care of it.
00:23:34My social responsibility,
00:23:36because my father
00:23:38worked in the SESB
00:23:40as the president of the SESB.
00:23:42My father's death
00:23:44was mourned to this day
00:23:46by all the workers,
00:23:48thousands,
00:23:50not hundreds,
00:23:52thousands all over Sabah
00:23:54who appreciated
00:23:56my father's sacrifice
00:23:58to help them.
00:24:00So my social responsibility
00:24:02was to meet
00:24:04and continue
00:24:06my father's legacy.
00:24:08Not in the sense
00:24:10that I worked in the SESB,
00:24:12but to help those in need
00:24:14and to listen to their prayers.
00:24:16That was a big thing
00:24:18for me to do.
00:24:22It was hard
00:24:24with my work,
00:24:26with my illness,
00:24:28with my responsibility.
00:24:30But God will not test me
00:24:32if I am not strong.
00:24:36Even after my father died,
00:24:38if I went to sing,
00:24:40I would go to every area
00:24:42to visit
00:24:44the places
00:24:46that my father's people visited.
00:24:48I am not a politician,
00:24:50I am not anyone,
00:24:52I am just a servant of God.
00:24:54But that is my social responsibility
00:24:56to help people in Sabah.
00:25:00It's like losing
00:25:02one of your strengths.
00:25:04Yes, it's very hard.
00:25:06People don't understand
00:25:08if they don't go through it.
00:25:10But my father already knew
00:25:12that when I was in
00:25:14a competition,
00:25:16I sang my father's song.
00:25:20That song
00:25:22is very, very
00:25:24deep
00:25:26in my life.
00:25:28Because when I lost
00:25:30my grandfather
00:25:32and my grandmother,
00:25:34they were all
00:25:36the songs in my heart.
00:25:38My father talked to me
00:25:40and I asked him to come.
00:25:50My father said
00:25:52that week,
00:25:54I was really sad
00:25:56and I asked him
00:25:58to come.
00:26:00Then he said,
00:26:02Nang,
00:26:04I am sorry
00:26:06that I couldn't come
00:26:08because my father was unwell.
00:26:10My father had dialysis three times a week.
00:26:14His hands were full of battery,
00:26:16his heart was at 55 Gandisten.
00:26:18But he still
00:26:20worked hard
00:26:22because it was his responsibility
00:26:24to help people,
00:26:26not because of other problems.
00:26:28So,
00:26:30he said to me,
00:26:32I was sad,
00:26:34I said, Baba,
00:26:36everyone has time,
00:26:38but for your own child,
00:26:40you don't have time.
00:26:42My father said to me,
00:26:44Nang,
00:26:46I don't want
00:26:48one day,
00:26:50when I'm gone,
00:26:52you will cry
00:26:54because I have a video with you
00:26:56and I don't want that.
00:27:00My father was right.
00:27:02If it was possible,
00:27:04if I had watched
00:27:06that video,
00:27:08I wouldn't be able
00:27:14to accept
00:27:16the situation.
00:27:18So, I understand
00:27:20that my father
00:27:22always lacks time
00:27:24for me.
00:27:26He doesn't want me
00:27:28like my other siblings.
00:27:30He wants me to be strong.
00:27:34The saddest thing is
00:27:36I never cried
00:27:38for my father.
00:27:40I cried because I was sad.
00:27:50People always think
00:27:52I'm a crybaby,
00:27:54but I'm not.
00:27:56This year,
00:27:58I was tested.
00:28:12You were tested, Zarina.
00:28:20I'm not done yet.
00:28:22I'm grieving
00:28:24for losing my son
00:28:26even though it's been 7 years.
00:28:28But,
00:28:30because of my illness,
00:28:32I didn't have the time
00:28:38to talk to myself.
00:28:44I didn't have the time.
00:28:46Suddenly, I lost my father.
00:28:50I lost my father.
00:28:56What was your last memory
00:28:58of your father?
00:29:08My last memory?
00:29:14On the 10th of March,
00:29:16I went to Sabah.
00:29:18I was called to receive
00:29:20the first recognition
00:29:22from the Sabah government.
00:29:24To be honest,
00:29:26I had received recognition
00:29:28from other countries
00:29:30before,
00:29:32but that was the first recognition.
00:29:34I didn't want to take it.
00:29:36But,
00:29:38my mother
00:29:40told me
00:29:42to go to Sabah
00:29:44because
00:29:46my mother wanted to see me.
00:29:48So, I went to Sabah
00:29:50to receive recognition
00:29:52from 100 successful women
00:29:54and to inspire
00:29:56the people of Sabah.
00:29:58I was called to receive
00:30:00the recognition
00:30:02on the 10th of March.
00:30:04On the 11th of March,
00:30:06it was my 39th birthday.
00:30:10But, on that day,
00:30:12I had to fly back to KL.
00:30:14So, I called my father
00:30:16and my stepmother
00:30:18and told them
00:30:20that I wanted to bring
00:30:22lunch for my parents
00:30:24and my father.
00:30:26So, my father took me
00:30:28to a hotel with my mother.
00:30:30We went to eat
00:30:32at a hotel in Sabah.
00:30:34We ate lunch
00:30:36and laughed.
00:30:38I also bought a birthday present
00:30:40on the 27th.
00:30:42So, I didn't have time to go home.
00:30:44I bought a present for my father
00:30:46and gave it to him.
00:30:48That was the last time
00:30:50that I remember.
00:30:52I remember that I was alone
00:30:54in front of the main entrance.
00:30:58That was the last time
00:31:00that my father spoke to me.
00:31:04My stepfather came.
00:31:06My stepfather came.
00:31:10I told him that I was joking.
00:31:12He said,
00:31:14if I had white hair,
00:31:16I would be more handsome.
00:31:18No.
00:31:20My stepfather came.
00:31:22I told him that I wasn't as strong as before.
00:31:24I told him that
00:31:26I would be strong
00:31:28if other people died.
00:31:30I told him that I was a bad person.
00:31:32I was joking with my father
00:31:34and my stepfather said that.
00:31:38My stepfather...
00:31:40I told him that
00:31:42I would say
00:31:44if a bad person
00:31:46dies late,
00:31:48I would say that I was a bad person.
00:31:52I would die late.
00:31:54My stepfather smiled
00:31:56and laughed.
00:31:58My stepfather said that I was naughty.
00:32:00I wasn't joking.
00:32:02I was really sick.
00:32:04I wasn't strong anymore.
00:32:08I was tired.
00:32:10I told him that
00:32:12I would retire.
00:32:14I would sit
00:32:16and do what I like.
00:32:20I wouldn't have to think
00:32:22about taking care of others.
00:32:24He said
00:32:26that he would spend the rest of the year
00:32:28resting.
00:32:30I told him that
00:32:32I was old and sick.
00:32:34I was really tired.
00:32:36I told him that
00:32:38I would spend the rest of the year
00:32:40resting.
00:32:42I told him that
00:32:44I was a bad person.
00:32:46I told my stepfather that.
00:32:48That was the last time
00:32:50I met my stepfather.
00:32:52I told my stepfather
00:32:54that
00:32:56I didn't have the chance
00:32:58to see him die.
00:33:00I didn't have the chance
00:33:02to kiss him.
00:33:04I didn't have the chance
00:33:06to hug him.
00:33:08I was in
00:33:10Padang at that time.
00:33:12I flew back to KL.
00:33:16I arrived at KK
00:33:18at one o'clock in the evening.
00:33:24My stepfather always told me
00:33:26that
00:33:28if I died,
00:33:30he would take care of me.
00:33:32He knew that I was
00:33:34the one who took care of my
00:33:36grandmother and grandfather.
00:33:38He let me stay with my stepmother
00:33:40and auntie Elsie.
00:33:42She told me to take care
00:33:44of everything.
00:33:46He also told my sister
00:33:48to call your sister.
00:33:50She would know what to do.
00:33:52I did my job well
00:33:54until the end.
00:33:56I was able to share
00:33:58all of Faraid.
00:34:00Thank God.
00:34:02I believe that
00:34:04your stepfather
00:34:06was a person
00:34:08who supported you
00:34:10from the beginning
00:34:12until now.
00:34:38I understand why you're crying.
00:34:40It's because you're going through
00:34:42that phase.
00:34:44It's okay.
00:34:46It's okay.
00:34:52Besides winning
00:34:54twice,
00:34:56I believe.
00:34:58Yes.
00:35:00The big competition.
00:35:02The big competition, right?
00:35:04I won twice.
00:35:06In the competition,
00:35:08I won 119 times.
00:35:10Throughout my career.
00:35:12It's a long journey.
00:35:14Praise be to God.
00:35:16Many people will go through the same thing.
00:35:18There are many challenges
00:35:20as a singer.
00:35:22We need to evolve.
00:35:24I've never set a target.
00:35:26I just want to be a singer.
00:35:28I want to be an entertainer.
00:35:30I want to make
00:35:32the audience happy.
00:35:34I'm grateful
00:35:36for my 23 years of
00:35:38professional career
00:35:40in KL.
00:35:42Because I started early.
00:35:44I started singing
00:35:46in RTM Sabah
00:35:48as a professional singer
00:35:50from the age of 5.
00:35:52But I sang
00:35:54professionally
00:35:56as a recording artist for 23 years.
00:35:58So, if you
00:36:00reject my age of 5,
00:36:02it means 34 years.
00:36:04Right?
00:36:06I sang for 34 years
00:36:08and entered the competition.
00:36:10I think it's enough.
00:36:12I've been through many trials.
00:36:14I broke my ankle,
00:36:16broke my ankle on the stage,
00:36:18broke my ankle,
00:36:20played netball.
00:36:22I saved my ankle
00:36:24by playing netball.
00:36:26There are so many things.
00:36:28I've been through so much.
00:36:30I got divorced, got married,
00:36:32I was forced to stand on the stage.
00:36:34It's all over.
00:36:36So,
00:36:40I've been through a lot.
00:36:42And for me,
00:36:46I have to evolve
00:36:48in music.
00:36:50Because music
00:36:52must change
00:36:54every 5 years.
00:36:56And as a singer,
00:36:58if we want to stay relevant
00:37:00in the industry,
00:37:02we have to evolve.
00:37:04We have to learn and keep singing.
00:37:06What genre do I want to sing?
00:37:08People always ask me,
00:37:10Nina, why do you only sing LRG Sepi?
00:37:12How do I answer?
00:37:14I'll show you my confession.
00:37:16I've been a singer
00:37:18since I was 16 years old
00:37:20until today.
00:37:24From the time I recorded LRG Sepi
00:37:26until today,
00:37:28the song is 25 years old.
00:37:30I've never shown
00:37:32that I don't sing that song.
00:37:34It's not because I chose it.
00:37:36I've never shown that I chose a song.
00:37:38People request.
00:37:40And I went to shows,
00:37:42almost 85% of my shows,
00:37:44I've never chosen a song.
00:37:46The songs I went to shows,
00:37:48were chosen by my fans.
00:37:50And that's also one of the reasons
00:37:52why I never gave up on dinner shows,
00:37:54why I never gave up on
00:37:56private shows
00:37:58or in public.
00:38:00Because I let my clients
00:38:02and my fans choose my songs.
00:38:04And my song catalog,
00:38:06I'm not arrogant.
00:38:08If I say it's a new song or an old song,
00:38:10thousands of songs, I can sing.
00:38:12As long as my CPU doesn't break,
00:38:14God willing, I can.
00:38:16As a singer,
00:38:18we have to accept
00:38:20and evolve.
00:38:22Many singers don't evolve.
00:38:24We have to love.
00:38:26And the genre you hate,
00:38:28you have to sing.
00:38:30For example, I'm not interested in song A,
00:38:32and learn the song and try
00:38:34to sing the song and entertain people.
00:38:36True.
00:38:38To survive
00:38:40all this time.
00:38:42Maybe one experience that
00:38:44you can tell
00:38:46your children later,
00:38:48as long as you are successful as a singer,
00:38:50what is it?
00:38:52You work, don't be like today,
00:38:54you want to be an engineer.
00:38:56Tomorrow you want to be a lawyer.
00:38:58Tomorrow you want to be an architect.
00:39:00You want to be an engineer from now on.
00:39:02You want to be the next one.
00:39:04For example,
00:39:06you suddenly want to get a double PhD.
00:39:08Now you want to be an engineer.
00:39:10Tomorrow you want to get a double degree.
00:39:14But you have to have one thing
00:39:16that you really want.
00:39:18I told my children,
00:39:20you have to be what you're interested in.
00:39:22So I'm like Rahmat,
00:39:24he can sing,
00:39:26but I never forced him.
00:39:28To be honest, I don't want to.
00:39:30Even though Rahmat has a good voice.
00:39:32But I don't want to.
00:39:34Because I said,
00:39:36number one, because he's a man,
00:39:38he has to have a degree.
00:39:40He must have at least a degree
00:39:42because I didn't get that opportunity.
00:39:44Even though I was given an opportunity
00:39:46and a scholarship,
00:39:48but I didn't have good luck to continue.
00:39:50Because I have a responsibility.
00:39:52You are given an advantage.
00:39:54You are free to choose.
00:39:56So you have to choose.
00:39:58For Rahmat and Raina.
00:40:00That's my determination.
00:40:02That's number one.
00:40:04Number two, focus.
00:40:06Because kids nowadays,
00:40:08it's hard to focus.
00:40:10Especially Rahmat,
00:40:12he has dyslexia.
00:40:14He can't focus for 15 minutes.
00:40:16So I want to give him
00:40:18what he wants.
00:40:20That's what I told my two children.
00:40:22You have to focus on what you want in life.
00:40:24Now, he's growing up.
00:40:26For a while, he wants to be a singer.
00:40:28For a while, he wants to be an actor.
00:40:30For a while, he wants to be...
00:40:32It's okay. Everything is okay.
00:40:34But because there's a focus.
00:40:36Like myself, I was known
00:40:38originally and still
00:40:40as a singer.
00:40:42People know me as a singer.
00:40:44But maybe only a part of people know
00:40:46that I'm also a businesswoman.
00:40:48That's right.
00:40:50I've tried acting twice.
00:40:52Becoming a producer.
00:40:54That's right.
00:40:56We have to hold on to something.
00:40:58Maybe I'm old school.
00:41:00But that's my opinion.
00:41:02Nyonya,
00:41:04maybe a lot of people don't know
00:41:08that Rahmat is a special child.
00:41:10That's right.
00:41:12Rahmat is a
00:41:14different person.
00:41:16He was born
00:41:18with dyslexia.
00:41:20And
00:41:22when he was young,
00:41:24it was hard for you to
00:41:26control him.
00:41:28Because we didn't know.
00:41:30He was still young.
00:41:32We couldn't diagnose him properly.
00:41:34And when he was 3 years old,
00:41:36we could detect that he had dyslexia.
00:41:38So,
00:41:40at that time,
00:41:42we had to wait until
00:41:44he was 6 years old.
00:41:46And when we met
00:41:48Dr. Pakar,
00:41:50he was diagnosed
00:41:52with dyslexia.
00:41:54A child with dyslexia
00:41:56may not be physically fit.
00:41:58But there are
00:42:00mental deficiencies.
00:42:02For example,
00:42:04he was 6 years old,
00:42:06but he thought he was 3 years old.
00:42:08So, I sent him
00:42:10and met Dr. Pakar.
00:42:12I brought Rahmat
00:42:14to the Dyslexic Center of Malaysia.
00:42:16Thank you, Dyslexic Center of Malaysia.
00:42:18And also,
00:42:20at UPM Serdang,
00:42:22Dr. Rahimah
00:42:24who had diagnosed Rahmat
00:42:26properly.
00:42:28So, I sent him
00:42:30and he was transferred
00:42:32to the Dyslexic Center for a year.
00:42:34He really learned to focus
00:42:36on the basics.
00:42:38Because they have their own techniques.
00:42:40And that affected my daily life
00:42:42as a mother.
00:42:44His daily life was affected
00:42:46because he couldn't focus.
00:42:48And people said,
00:42:52it's not just a diagnosis.
00:42:54You know you're sick.
00:42:56The way you manage your daily life.
00:42:58The way he uses his hands
00:43:00to count.
00:43:02The way he expresses his anger.
00:43:04The way he understands
00:43:06what he has learned.
00:43:08And also,
00:43:10the exercises he has to do.
00:43:12So,
00:43:14I brought my son
00:43:16with no shame
00:43:18to the Dyslexic Center
00:43:20because I wanted my son
00:43:22to have proper education.
00:43:24At the same time,
00:43:26with no shame,
00:43:28I asked the doctor
00:43:30and the doctor himself told me,
00:43:32and this is what I want to share with people,
00:43:34my son has an OKU card.
00:43:36It's true that my son
00:43:38is not good physically.
00:43:40Even my family couldn't accept
00:43:42when I told them
00:43:44that my son has an OKU card.
00:43:46It's not that he has an OKU card.
00:43:48You look like you have an OKU card,
00:43:50but you don't know.
00:43:52You don't know.
00:43:54You don't go through every single day
00:43:56his tantrums.
00:43:58You don't go through his problems
00:44:00when he comes home.
00:44:02He can't finish his homework
00:44:04when he's angry.
00:44:06So, I asked,
00:44:08I told him today,
00:44:10why I got an OKU card
00:44:12based on the doctor's advice.
00:44:14It's because he was given more time
00:44:16during the exam.
00:44:18Maybe other students have one hour.
00:44:20He was given 1 hour and 35 minutes
00:44:22or 1 hour and 45 minutes.
00:44:24And the teacher helped him
00:44:26to read the question.
00:44:28Because these dyslexic children
00:44:30have many stages.
00:44:32They want to read the question.
00:44:34For example, I am an SSRY.
00:44:36They want to take their time,
00:44:38sometimes up to half an hour.
00:44:40He can't do that.
00:44:42There are people like that.
00:44:44So, I managed from A to Z.
00:44:46Who is the type of mother in the world
00:44:48who is willing to accept
00:44:50when her son says
00:44:52there is a deficiency.
00:44:54His son is also an OKU holder.
00:44:56But I can talk to all of you.
00:44:58I diagnosed my son.
00:45:00It's not that I feel ashamed
00:45:02or embarrassed.
00:45:04I don't have children
00:45:06who have other efforts.
00:45:08Because I see for myself
00:45:10how my son struggles
00:45:12to reach this stage.
00:45:14And thank God,
00:45:16for the help of his teachers at school
00:45:18and also the help
00:45:20from his surrounding area
00:45:22which is very positive.
00:45:24I am grateful that my son
00:45:26until last year
00:45:28was able to get a math teacher.
00:45:30A great achievement.
00:45:32Maybe in the recovery class.
00:45:34But I am proud.
00:45:36Because before that,
00:45:38my son was unable to read,
00:45:40unable to calculate.
00:45:42To reach that stage,
00:45:44you need sacrifice.
00:45:46And you need to have
00:45:48strength in yourself
00:45:50and patience is number one.
00:45:52And now he's okay.
00:45:54And we have to accept him.
00:45:56If you look at it physically
00:45:58and when you talk to him,
00:46:00you won't say that he has flaws.
00:46:02But we know when it's time for him to learn.
00:46:04There are certain things
00:46:06that he does have flaws.
00:46:10The story that I...
00:46:14Well, I'm sure
00:46:16from my work experience
00:46:18as an artist,
00:46:20raising children
00:46:22and also the loss of
00:46:24these beloved people,
00:46:26I'm sure
00:46:28they are the only ones
00:46:32who have the patience
00:46:34and perseverance
00:46:36to go through.
00:46:38And it's not easy.
00:46:40It's not easy.
00:46:42Especially when you are
00:46:44in a field
00:46:46that is
00:46:48full of colors.
00:46:52Left, right, front, back, up, down.
00:46:54I think anything can happen.
00:46:56And until today,
00:46:58I think
00:47:00they are the only ones
00:47:02who have the strength
00:47:04and patience
00:47:06to be persistent.
00:47:08In his work,
00:47:10as a woman,
00:47:12as a single mother,
00:47:14I respect him very much.
00:47:16I'm proud.
00:47:18There are friends
00:47:20like Zaharina.
00:47:22Well, we know
00:47:24that the journey
00:47:26is not easy.
00:47:28Falling, getting up.
00:47:30Difficulties.
00:47:32But it's never
00:47:34to be shared.
00:47:36They know.
00:47:38Because
00:47:40this life,
00:47:42I understand you,
00:47:44especially not to be
00:47:46appreciated.
00:47:48Okay. This is the case of appreciation.
00:47:50Many people say,
00:47:52Ina, why did you tell me after you were diagnosed?
00:47:57Even though you knew you were in the competition,
00:47:59you didn't want to talk about it.
00:48:01You just gave me a hint that you weren't feeling well.
00:48:04First, I didn't want to be a source of sympathy
00:48:07and a human being who was processed to demand sympathy.
00:48:13I'm not that kind of person.
00:48:14I wanted people to see me.
00:48:16Why didn't I talk about it when I was in the competition
00:48:18and I was diagnosed with cancer?
00:48:23Even though I knew about it,
00:48:25I didn't talk about it when I was in treatment
00:48:27when I launched my song.
00:48:28The song I invited you to sing was called Reality.
00:48:30I didn't want to talk about it. Why?
00:48:32First, I didn't want to mix my career with my personal illness.
00:48:38I didn't want people to see me as a human being who was on the brink of death.
00:48:43I'm sorry. I didn't want that.
00:48:46Why didn't I want it?
00:48:47Because at that time I was in the competition,
00:48:50I faced such a big challenge.
00:48:52You know, such a big humiliation,
00:48:55such a big curse and humiliation towards my life
00:49:00and myself as an artist.
00:49:02For 22 years, I've been named,
00:49:05I blinked my eyes in three months.
00:49:07It was so painful,
00:49:09an insult to my career,
00:49:11I fell.
00:49:12But I never used my illness as a weakness.
00:49:17I didn't want it.
00:49:18I didn't want it. Why?
00:49:19Because I wanted people to know that I was a fighter.
00:49:22I will fight.
00:49:23Even though at that time I was in the competition,
00:49:25for your information, my doctor had diagnosed me
00:49:28stage 4.
00:49:29From stage 2 to stage 4,
00:49:31I blinked my eyes for two and a half months.
00:49:34I was even told that I was given six months to live.
00:49:40I felt like you were out there,
00:49:42I was surprised to say,
00:49:43because I've never told anyone,
00:49:45but I never opened my mouth,
00:49:50even if I wanted to talk about it.
00:49:52Until now, I have finished the treatment
00:49:55and I have a result,
00:49:56people say it's at a good level,
00:49:59quite good.
00:50:00Because I don't want people to talk to me,
00:50:04oh, he used his illness
00:50:07to get the sympathy of the judges,
00:50:09to get the sympathy of the Malaysians.
00:50:11No.
00:50:12I'm a bloody damn fighter.
00:50:14Even today, I want to open my mouth in front of the camera,
00:50:17in front of your podcast.
00:50:19Sudir is a good friend of mine,
00:50:20I call Sudir every week during that competition time.
00:50:24I remember,
00:50:25on the third week,
00:50:27when I was severely criticized for singing Keroncong,
00:50:31the words from Sudir that I held until today,
00:50:33Nyonya, pull yourself together.
00:50:38Pull yourself together.
00:50:43You embarrass yourself every time you stay inside.
00:50:47Because you built your career to this point
00:50:51in the eyes of people who insulted and humiliated you.
00:50:55True.
00:50:56Those are your words.
00:50:57Yes.
00:50:58And I still fight, right?
00:50:59I stay, right?
00:51:00Why do I stay?
00:51:02Even though in the end,
00:51:03I know I'm not singing for the judges,
00:51:05and I still speak until today.
00:51:07I never sang for the judges,
00:51:08I sang for my fans.
00:51:09Why?
00:51:10Because I want people out there to know
00:51:12that I will not use sympathy tickets.
00:51:16I don't use calling cards.
00:51:18I want people to know that I stand there for my fans,
00:51:22and I stand there because of my passion.
00:51:24And that's my work,
00:51:26my effort,
00:51:27and I still want to stand.
00:51:29I want people to know that no matter what people say,
00:51:33Azarina will still sing.
00:51:35That's all.
00:51:36My goal is to stand.
00:51:37And why don't I say it,
00:51:39and I'm still like people say,
00:51:43going back and forth,
00:51:44during my treatment period,
00:51:47from the start of March to September,
00:51:49I don't want to say it,
00:51:50that's what I'm still saying.
00:51:52Even though I already know
00:51:53why during my treatment period,
00:51:56I don't want to be stressed.
00:51:58I don't want to be disturbed
00:52:00when I'm asked various questions.
00:52:03But when I finished my treatment,
00:52:05in September,
00:52:07I was diagnosed,
00:52:08and all the results were checked again.
00:52:11The results were quite good.
00:52:12Imagine, from stage 4,
00:52:14I can go down to normal.
00:52:16But I have to take medicine for the rest of my life.
00:52:20That's one thing I'm very grateful for.
00:52:23Instead of being told that I'm going to die in six months,
00:52:25I'm not going to die, I'm going to die.
00:52:28So, that's one life experience for me,
00:52:30with me losing my father,
00:52:32at the same time,
00:52:34with me going through that situation,
00:52:36and my health deteriorated.
00:52:38But I continue to sing until today.
00:52:42And to be honest, my schedule is full.
00:52:44I am very grateful.
00:52:45Praise be to Allah.
00:52:46Whatever is given to me after this,
00:52:51I will take it.
00:52:53I don't take pots anymore.
00:52:55Because I already know.
00:52:57I've been through the worst stages.
00:53:00What more do you want to throw away?
00:53:02I've been laughing since I was young.
00:53:04What you've never experienced.
00:53:05You've been through the worst, right?
00:53:07I've been through it.
00:53:08Divorce.
00:53:10That's it.
00:53:11What else?
00:53:14Difficulties in life,
00:53:15to the bottom of life.
00:53:16That's it, dear.
00:53:17That's it.
00:53:18I'm happy.
00:53:19Everything is enough.
00:53:20Praise be to Allah.
00:53:21As long as I live,
00:53:23as long as I live,
00:53:24as long as I have an intention in my heart,
00:53:26I want to raise my children.
00:53:28I want to take care of my two mothers.
00:53:31And I also want to help people in need.
00:53:35I help them.
00:53:36That's it.
00:53:38I don't take pots anymore.
00:53:40Give me a mic, I'll sing.
00:53:42That's it.
00:53:43That's right.
00:53:44Right, Nurnia?
00:53:45That's it.
00:53:46The one I know as Rina, that's her.
00:53:50Even though I...
00:53:54Nurnia, pull yourself together.
00:53:55She's still...
00:53:56You said it three times.
00:53:58Do you remember?
00:53:59Yes.
00:54:00The song, what was it?
00:54:03Sayang Di Sayang.
00:54:05After that, what song was it, Nurnia?
00:54:08The song that...
00:54:13You asked me to do that too, right?
00:54:15Why are you still staying inside?
00:54:17Pull yourself together.
00:54:18You said, you know, I'm still staying inside.
00:54:22That's right.
00:54:23Why am I staying inside?
00:54:25This is the day that I said,
00:54:27hopefully after this,
00:54:29the eyes of those who have insulted and tried to make things worse,
00:54:35and said the wrong things, will be opened.
00:54:37I pray that Allah forgives all sins,
00:54:39and also that we all receive wisdom and mercy from Allah.
00:54:42You know, in this positive life,
00:54:44don't ever drop the punishment,
00:54:46before you know the true story.
00:54:49That's it.
00:54:51Maybe at that time, like me, as a friend,
00:54:55I felt like, let's not...
00:54:57We're concerned, right?
00:55:00That's right.
00:55:01If we don't go through it, we'll feel like,
00:55:03okay, it must be this.
00:55:05But for you who went through it,
00:55:07you know what you're going to do, actually.
00:55:09And you know, you can hold on.
00:55:12And that's right.
00:55:13If you can't hold on,
00:55:15it means you've been back for a long time.
00:55:17Right?
00:55:18That's right.
00:55:19I've been back for a long time, if I'm not mistaken.
00:55:21Maybe 20 years ago, I was already back.
00:55:23Yes.
00:55:24My grandmother helped me with my business.
00:55:26I don't have to struggle here.
00:55:28Thinking about singing,
00:55:30thinking about starting a business,
00:55:31having a headache,
00:55:32I don't have to.
00:55:34Just sit there.
00:55:35Get married,
00:55:36and be a good wife.
00:55:37But it's not like that.
00:55:39I'm still here, holding on.
00:55:41Because my passion for art is too deep.
00:55:47I admit,
00:55:48besides I dedicate myself to Allah SWT,
00:55:52I dedicate myself to art until the end of my life.
00:55:55That's right.
00:55:56I don't know, maybe other people don't understand
00:55:59how great the art is in me.
00:56:05Maybe that's what I inherited from my family.
00:56:12Nyonya, I hope this will be a useful sharing for everyone.
00:56:21Amen.
00:56:22For those who may have lost their spirit,
00:56:26for those who don't have the feeling to continue their lives,
00:56:31maybe, right?
00:56:32That's right.
00:56:33And maybe when you hear the stories shared,
00:56:36the love,
00:56:38everything that you've given,
00:56:40it will go back to our listeners too.
00:56:43To everyone especially.
00:56:45Even though this life is not easy,
00:56:47our journey is full of ups and downs,
00:56:50everyone's challenges are different.
00:56:53But we have to believe that Allah's rules are still the best for everyone.
00:57:01That's right.
00:57:02And most importantly, be patient.
00:57:04Amen.
00:57:05That's the key to life.
00:57:08Be patient.
00:57:09Every insult, slander, slander, and slander that is in front of you,
00:57:15there are days and times when you are patient,
00:57:19God will show.
00:57:20God will prove who is right and who is wrong.
00:57:23That's what I hold on to.
00:57:24And believe that when we are patient,
00:57:27He will give us the greatest blessing.
00:57:30That's right.
00:57:31And that's the success for us as human beings.
00:57:34That's right.
00:57:35I want to say one thing.
00:57:36Please, Nyonya.
00:57:37I never wanted to be an idol.
00:57:40I never wanted to be an individual who can inspire other people,
00:57:46other women.
00:57:47Or I never in my life dreamed of being a role model to anyone.
00:57:53I'm just an ordinary person who wants to live my life as it is.
00:58:00At that moment, I enjoyed it.
00:58:04And from one day to the next, I tried to do my best.
00:58:09I did my best.
00:58:11That's all.
00:58:13I don't care what people say behind my back.
00:58:16I don't care what will happen in the future.
00:58:18And I never want to care about what people say,
00:58:24the perception of other individuals towards me.
00:58:28It's not that I don't care because I'm arrogant.
00:58:33No.
00:58:34But when we have reached that stage,
00:58:37we just want to do the best,
00:58:39which makes us happy.
00:58:41That's all.
00:58:42So, I thank you.
00:58:44I have fans who still support my career to this day.
00:58:50And I have people who are like angels,
00:58:55my fan base, my angels,
00:58:57who are always by my side when I fall and wake up.
00:59:02And my family who never stops praying for me.
00:59:04And especially my friends in the industry,
00:59:09my friends who bring me and advise me
00:59:14and continue to support my work to continue to survive.
00:59:17Because if there is no support from the media,
00:59:19regardless of electronic media, radio and printing,
00:59:22I will not be in this industry until this stage, 23 years.
00:59:28I owe it to them.
00:59:32I owe that to them.
00:59:35God willing, continue to be the Azharina that we used to know.
00:59:43I still believe that this quality,
00:59:46people will remember it forever.
00:59:49Amen.
00:59:50Nyonya, thank you.
00:59:52You're welcome.
00:59:53For being with me.
00:59:54You're welcome too, Nyonya.
00:59:56I'm sorry.
00:59:57You're welcome.
00:59:58We are the ones who are sad.
01:00:00We are both orphans.
01:00:02Nyonya, thank you for being with us on this short podcast,
01:00:06Confession Belit Gelap.
01:00:07God willing, we will meet again.
01:00:09Peace be upon you.
01:00:10Peace be upon you.
01:00:16You're welcome.