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Lucio Buffalmano is a sociologist and a world expert on power dynamics, strategies, and men's self-development.
In 2016, Lucio founded ThePowerMoves.com to help good men empower themselves, achieve their goals, and win at life.
Today, it’s the world's most popular website on power and strategies.
https://thepowermoves.com/
Lucio Buffalmano is a sociologist and a world expert on power dynamics, strategies, and men's self-development.
In 2016, Lucio founded ThePowerMoves.com to help good men empower themselves, achieve their goals, and win at life.
Today, it’s the world's most popular website on power and strategies.
https://thepowermoves.com/
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LearningTranscript
00:00Dr. K versus Dr. K's wife, how to get respect in your relationship. Hi guys,
00:07this is an interesting interaction between Dr. K and his wife. It's all
00:11about power, it's all about respect and gaining respect from your partner. Let's
00:15watch together. I haven't seen it many times so this is gonna be a little bit
00:20more impromptu but a lot to learn here. Let's start.
00:22Doing fine as long as I'm working on myself. Listen to her. Yeah so I think the
00:28perspective, this person is asking for my perspective because I've been closer
00:32to that situation. Okay so what does that tell you this? He is bothered that she
00:36intervened. The sub communication here is I am the expert, I am the one who talks, I
00:42am the only one who can talk so please shut up. That's what the true sub
00:48communication level says here okay. But now look how she reacts and now that
00:56precipitates an escalation about power in this relationship. I don't listen to her.
01:03She's very feminine, very very feminine however she does not backtrack. She
01:09doesn't say oh I'm sorry I'm sorry something like that which is what he
01:12truly wanted so he's not okay with just this answer. For most guys in my opinion
01:18this should have been okay for you because she reacted very feminine, very
01:22kind however he wants more. Let's see. No I mean that's not sufficient. When I
01:31heard it the first time I thought he's getting a little bit dickhead level here
01:37is not sufficient. He wants more. He wants her to admit I have no idea I was
01:43clueless sorry you speak please. Go ahead. So bingo go ahead. Now she gives him a
01:54command. She doesn't backtrack. She says okay okay you speak go ahead but what he
02:00wanted was her to apologize and to sub communicate yes you're the alpha male
02:06you're the authority here I'm sorry. Instead she gives him a command which he
02:13doesn't like at all. This is all about power guys. She knows what's up by the
02:20way. Her smile says everything. I'm a little bit concerned with how
02:26disrespectful you are to me on stream. Bingo. This is the type of guy who wants
02:34to have power, wants to be an alpha however he uses more indirect methods
02:38right. Deep down this is in my opinion the type of character who is more like
02:43I'm the alpha male I wear the pants at home however he streams and he lives in
02:49an ecosystem that is all about more wokeness, more left-leaning, more
02:56therapist type of speaking, more men and women are the same. So he then cannot and
03:03does not want to come out straight up and say respect me more I'm in charge
03:08here. So he uses all this therapist speak. I'm a little bit concerned about as we
03:16shall see my opinion when you want power you have to be more direct otherwise he
03:21comes across as sneaky and manipulative. Here because he doesn't say exactly what
03:27he wants he comes across like a sneaky fuck in my opinion. Okay boom see he
03:35wants her to retreat instead she just says okay what's the difference when you
03:41say it's okay it's neutral. What he wanted was her to backtrack and say
03:46something like oh I'm sorry I'm sorry you're right I get you I was
03:49disrespectful I will not do it anymore you go ahead you you're the expert. He
03:54wanted something like this instead she just says okay by the way this is a
03:59fantastic technique when you do not want to attack somebody but you also don't
04:04want to retreat you just say okay in the sense of okay noted noted down now I
04:10know what you like now I know what you want without saying sorry sorry sorry or
04:13without attacking back like hey what's your problem very very good however the
04:18neutral response is not what he wants he wants more he feels disrespected online
04:24and he wants to show off that is the one in charge so he keeps attacking now
04:29what do you think about that I'm serious see I'm serious the
04:35subcommunication is you piss me off now you have to make it up to me and she
04:40knows what's up her smile says everything okay again she does not
04:49backtrack do you understand what I'm saying the subcommunication is do you
04:57understand that I want to be the one in charge here and you have to tow my line
05:03of course you will never say that because you gotta find these sneaky ways
05:08but it's getting pissed off here
05:13no you weren't so like when you say go ahead it implies that you're giving me
05:20permission to speak bingo it's not actually requiring permission giving
05:25permission sorry it's more a command to go ahead is a command and it's what we
05:30will call tasking in the power move I give you a task go ahead if we started
05:35going ahead right away indeed he will be following her lead and he will lose more
05:40power he doesn't want that oh that's because we were both talking and then
05:46the same now she's retreating not so much with the words but the way she
05:52moves and she says oh yeah sorry she gives a justification an explanation
05:57it's because we were talking at the same time I told you go ahead that's not what
06:01happened again this is not describing the reality this is just a power
06:05negotiation now she's retreating like you can't talk right and I was so when
06:13you say that you can talk that implies permission which I say okay now she's
06:21giving more power to him what should I say she has asking for instructions see
06:32the truth is he cannot come out and say you have to respect me you cannot talk
06:38to me like that I decide when I go ahead you don't tell me when I speak okay now
06:43he has to come up with some rational sounding explanation that it's not gonna
06:49be the truth so he's stuck because of his own woke prison thank God you to
06:57bond me so I can speak more clearly now right I think maybe you should if yeah I
07:10think it should be a little bit more like if I'm what do you mean what he
07:15truly wants to say is I'm the man you have to respect me I'm in charge I bring
07:21more money I wear the pants I'm the man you're the woman I'm the expert here I'm
07:25the authority so you shut up that's what he wants to sub communicate but he
07:31cannot say that and he does not want to say that directly he cannot he does not
07:38have the skills so he comes across as a sneaky fuck and I personally don't like
07:42him too much however I don't want to be overly critical of him right you take it
07:47for what you want speaking you should ask me if you want to interrupt to be
07:52okay right in service so now he can be more okay with this resolution because
08:01he told her you should ask to interrupt him now he was a little bit more dominant
08:07and she says yeah okay she retreated more finally so this started as a big
08:13escalation little by little she retreated she didn't give up completely
08:18she's an empowered woman she's a smart woman this was the most she could give
08:23him it's still a win for him quote-unquote and now he probably can go
08:29ahead got me bingo this tells you everything got me the sub communication
08:36is do you accept my power will you confirm to my requests going forward you
08:44got me and she confirms yes yes yes I will you're the authority this was the
08:51sub communication yeah yeah we good okay we good was also a little bit of a last
08:58word power movie one and so you know he put in like the confirmation that he's
09:05in charge and tried to build a little bit of a goodwill by the way guys I
09:10don't this is not a criticism of the relationship please I have no idea how
09:14good the relationship is and I am the last guy who can criticize other
09:18people's relationships because my relationships are super short from the
09:23little I've seen I also think they may have a good relationship he may be the
09:28one with a little bit more power even though he wished for a lot more and
09:31she's also a very empowered woman but you know probably as far as I know they
09:37can have a great relationship this is not a criticism on them but this is a
09:40criticism from my point of view on the type of communication you want to have
09:44with your spouse as a man if you want to have the power if you want to be the
09:48leader which in my opinion is a good thing as long as you do it with a win-win
09:53respectful type of frame my angle is you are the leader for both of you that's
09:59the healthiest possible relationship with the man in charge which is the
10:03healthiest possible in my opinion but he didn't have the power to do that so
10:09instead what I recommend is is that you are a bit more direct when she
10:13interrupted and she gave her opinion you can say something like yeah that's a
10:17good idea look frankly you don't know what happened here I was following this
10:21case so I'm gonna give my piece now something like that when she then tells
10:26you go ahead you can also be a little bit more clear something like yeah of
10:31course I can go ahead I decide to go ahead I go ahead I speak whenever I want
10:35and I don't like you to tell me when I can go ahead okay something like that
10:41you do it a couple of times most of the times once is enough she understands
10:46what's the type of respect and consideration you want to have in the
10:50relationship it will not happen anymore if she thinks you're a great guy and
10:54accepts your leadership otherwise you have other bigger problems usually if
10:59you're a cool guy high power as well as respectful you will not have these types
11:05of situations at all but sometimes some women may put some shit test there and
11:10try to push your boundaries a little bit then you behave similarly to how I
11:14explained and most women if you're a cool guy will accept it and will be
11:19happy that you are protecting your boundaries and setting the boundaries of
11:24the relationship with you in charge for both of you I hope it makes sense
11:29speak soon guys ciao ciao see ya