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Lucio Buffalmano is a sociologist and a world expert on power dynamics, strategies, and men's self-development.
In 2016, Lucio founded ThePowerMoves.com to help good men empower themselves, achieve their goals, and win at life.
Today, it’s the world's most popular website on power and strategies.
https://thepowermoves.com/
Lucio Buffalmano is a sociologist and a world expert on power dynamics, strategies, and men's self-development.
In 2016, Lucio founded ThePowerMoves.com to help good men empower themselves, achieve their goals, and win at life.
Today, it’s the world's most popular website on power and strategies.
https://thepowermoves.com/
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LearningTranscript
00:00Should men get married? Men give more with marriage and women take more.
00:05That's why men must be careful.
00:07Let's review first an evolutionary point of view.
00:10A woman in general is better off pairing up with a high-value man than sleeping around.
00:17There is no benefit for a woman with sleeping with 10 men.
00:21She's gonna have the child of one man only.
00:24So it's better for her to pick a high-value man.
00:27This is also the case for raising children.
00:30A high-value man with a lot of resources is going to be a huge competitive advantage
00:36compared to random guys who do not contribute.
00:40So in general, we see that men give more and women take and benefit more.
00:46This by itself, please don't let that stop you.
00:49It would be such a wrong and toxic mindset to think that because you as a man are giving,
00:56then it's a no.
00:57A good relationship is give and take.
00:59In a good relationship, you should be happy to give.
01:03However, just giving is naive.
01:07So the big question at this level is, is she deserving of your giving?
01:14Ponder the question very deeply.
01:17If she is deserving, if she's a grateful woman,
01:20if she gives back, if she makes you better off,
01:24she makes you happier, then great.
01:27You should be happy to give.
01:28The second point is power dynamics.
01:30And of course, the two are not in isolation.
01:34There is an overlap between the exchange and the power dynamics.
01:38So if you give, ideally, you're also supposed to take.
01:42Because from a power dynamics point of view,
01:44it can be dangerous to give without a good exchange
01:47because the giving can easily be framed as making up for the difference.
01:52When that happens, then you are framed as lower value
01:56and you lose a lot of attraction, you lose a lot of power.
01:59And it's not only bad for you, it's bad for both actually.
02:02So to give, it actually requires skills.
02:06That's why on the Power Moves, we talk about high power, high warmth.
02:10Warmth alone, it can easily make you the sucker.
02:14Giving without skills and without power is at high risk of making you the sucker.
02:19This is, by the way, where Power University can be very, very helpful
02:23because it allows you to be a giver while still gaining,
02:27while still maintaining your power, your attraction in dating
02:30and in all other scenarios of life.
02:33The other point in power dynamics is that part of the allure
02:38of the attraction of the high value man is that he can sleep around.
02:44The high value man is in a way a little bit of a stallion.
02:48The moment he commits, he loses that side of his personality
02:54and that part of his attraction.
02:57That has many consequences, including a little bit
03:00what the Red Pill and Manosphere call Dread Game.
03:03Now the Red Pill, as usual, must turn it into a toxic, win-lose Power Move.
03:09So I personally don't like that angle much.
03:12However, as it's often the case, there is a backdrop of truth.
03:16What's the backdrop of truth?
03:18Well, rather than call it Dread Game, we could call it a little bit of angst.
03:23You know, since he has so many options, then it keeps her wondering a little bit.
03:28It keeps her investing emotionally, mentally, and even more important,
03:33it puts the onus on her to find a way to make him happy with her alone.
03:40That's all investment. That's all power for him.
03:43And by the way, the toxic way of thinking about power
03:47is I have power, it's good for me, you lose.
03:50Instead, if a man is a high power man in the relationship,
03:55it's a gain for both.
03:57She's more attracted to you. She's happier.
03:59You are happier with her. It's win-win.
04:02So from a power dynamics perspective,
04:04to lose the opportunity to date around is a potential power loss.
04:10Again, it doesn't have to be.
04:13But if the man is not skilled, it can be.
04:16The other issue is also tied to value and power.
04:20So it works like this.
04:21On average, committed men tend to be lower value and lower power
04:28than single and happy and confident and successful men.
04:33Please, please, I beg you,
04:35don't be like those bunch of manosphere idiots
04:38who tend to overgeneralize everything.
04:40So it works like this.
04:42If you take a single committed man in a marriage
04:46and a single, single guy, sorry for the cacophony there,
04:52then you cannot really say who is higher value.
04:56However, if you take 10,000 married men
05:00and 10,000 single, happy, successful,
05:05maybe even player guys, then I will bet my house
05:09that the 10,000 single, happy and successful ones
05:12are higher value, higher power,
05:15and more attractive than the married one.
05:17So again, the man who gets married,
05:20unless he's skilled,
05:21unless he's able to maintain his power and allure,
05:24he risks of becoming lower power and less attractive
05:29for the simple fact that he goes from single
05:33and ready to mingle to committed.
05:35Now to summarize then,
05:37what's the second question the man must ask himself?
05:41Can I maintain power and attraction if I go committed?
05:46Consider, you don't have to be 100% the same.
05:50If you are single, are 100 level of attractiveness
05:54and as married, go to 95, 94, 96, even 90.
06:02It's not a big power loss.
06:04You're still a very attractive man.
06:05She's still gonna be very happy with you.
06:07However, the question is how much of the power you can lose?
06:11Because if you're very skilled,
06:13you don't lose any and you can even gain some.
06:16However, if you're not,
06:18then definitely you need to be careful
06:21because the transition can cost you power and attraction.
06:25And again, that's a loss for both of you.
06:27I don't want to plug my products,
06:30but really it's not a plug.
06:32There is no thing compared to Power University
06:34to learn this stuff.
06:36So if you're interested to go from single to one day married,
06:40it can be a worth investment for you worth considering.
06:43By the way, there is also a fantastic frame
06:45that you can use to propose and agree
06:48to the wedding and the marriage
06:50while still maintaining high power and even gaining some.
06:53And I'm gonna drop it on Patreon.
06:57Sorry guys, I need to make TPM as strong as possible
07:01to keep doing what we're doing.
07:02Now, if the two checks, if you're happy to give it,
07:05she's well deserving.
07:06If you can maintain power, then we go to the third level.
07:10The third level is the legal one.
07:13I have no idea about legal one.
07:15Everybody talks about it, but they're freaking clueless.
07:18On average, men who earn more in Western societies
07:23are at higher risk.
07:24However, don't listen to anybody online.
07:27They are clueless about your specific situation.
07:30Just simply go to a lawyer, talk about it,
07:33think about it, consider it.
07:35Fourth level is logistic.
07:37Logistic is how easy would it be to disengage
07:40in case it doesn't work.
07:42I think the best way to be successful is to be realistic.
07:45That, you know, you marry, you hope for the best,
07:48you work for the best.
07:50You're a smart guy if you're subscribed here,
07:52if you're not subscribed.
07:54And chances are that you can beat the average.
07:57On the other hand, it's always helpful
07:59to consider the downside.
08:02What happens if it doesn't work?
08:03So personally, I will not move in in my place
08:08because then it can get messy.
08:09Just get a new place and if it doesn't work,
08:12make sure for you that it's easier to de-link.
08:16So if everything's checked out,
08:17if you're happy to give, she deserves it,
08:19you can maintain power or even increase it.
08:22If legally you don't lose much or nothing
08:26and if it's easy for you to disengage,
08:28hey man, why not?
08:31Again, let's not make blanket rules.
08:34Personally, I think that many high value men
08:36may be better off singles,
08:38but if you found the right woman,
08:41if you're happy, if you're in love, why not?
08:44If she's awesome, if you will be happy to give that,
08:48if you enjoy the wedding with your parents and your stuff,
08:51that's beautiful.
08:52I'm happy for you, man.
08:53Go for it.
08:54Let's talk a little bit not high value men.
08:57Now, here is an interesting thing.
08:59In the monosphere, often it's about power,
09:03but power and the exchange are tools
09:07to achieve ultimate goals.
09:10So if you met a woman who is fantastic,
09:12maybe even higher value than you are,
09:15then marriage could be needed for you
09:19to pair up with a woman.
09:21If that is the case, again, why not?
09:24You're gaining, she gains, win-win.
09:26However, you do want to be careful
09:29because giving in that case can further frame you
09:33as even lower value than she is,
09:35that will tank attraction
09:37and it will start the dynamic
09:39where you're giving is framed
09:41as something that you have to do.
09:43It comes to be expected.
09:45She may come to demand it.
09:47She may come to despise you.
09:50This is the ugly side of power dynamics.
09:53If you give as a lower value man,
09:55it can even be framed as slimy.
09:58So again, whether you are high value,
10:00average value or low value, it doesn't matter.
10:03Power awareness makes you more effective
10:06and it's very important.
10:08So to summarize, if you're not such a high value man,
10:12marriage may be needed for you,
10:15but fuck it, man, focus on your ultimate goal.
10:19Is your ultimate goal to have a great woman?
10:22Yes.
10:23Does marriage help you with that?
10:27If yes, then why not?
10:30Just be knowledgeable of how you do it,
10:34how you offer it.
10:35Again, if you're interested,
10:36on Patreon, we share a very good frame
10:38and technique to go about it
10:40without losing power or even gaining it.
10:42This was like a very quick overview.
10:44Of course, there will be a lot more to say,
10:46a lot more nuances, a lot more exceptions,
10:49a lot more techniques and strategies.
10:51If you are interested, please let me know.
10:53Please let me know your questions.
10:55Thank you so much for listening, guys.
10:56I'll see you the next time.
10:57Ciao, ciao, see you.