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Lucio Buffalmano is a sociologist and a world expert on power dynamics, strategies, and men's self-development.
In 2016, Lucio founded ThePowerMoves.com to help good men empower themselves, achieve their goals, and win at life.
Today, it’s the world's most popular website on power and strategies.
https://thepowermoves.com/
Lucio Buffalmano is a sociologist and a world expert on power dynamics, strategies, and men's self-development.
In 2016, Lucio founded ThePowerMoves.com to help good men empower themselves, achieve their goals, and win at life.
Today, it’s the world's most popular website on power and strategies.
https://thepowermoves.com/
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LearningTranscript
00:00For ultimate mental power, drop any expectations. Let's see how.
00:05Hello friends, I wanted to share with you an approach about expectations
00:10that I find that has given me much mental strength and power
00:15and even made me more attractive and influential in real life.
00:20And it comes down to how much or how little I expect of others.
00:27And just to be clear, when I say no expectations, of course, we're all humans,
00:32so we are talking rather than zero expectations, something like very low.
00:38So for example, when I compare myself to others and other men,
00:42I can see that I have a lot less expectations than they have.
00:46And I will give you three examples that make it very clear.
00:50The first one is the most obvious, especially for many men in a relationship,
00:55because they feel it at a visceral level.
00:58And it's about women, loyalty and faithfulness.
01:01For most men, loyalty is an expectation.
01:05For me, it's not an expectation, it's a requirement.
01:10That's a big difference and I will explain now.
01:13I don't see loyalty as a binary digital one or zero, yes or no, everything or nothing.
01:21I see it as on a spectrum.
01:22Fully loyal, not loyal at all.
01:25Almost nobody is here.
01:28Most people are in the middle of the curve.
01:31So you will have very few women that will be disloyal no matter what.
01:36Very few women will cheat in front of you when you are there.
01:41If that happens, you have bigger problem than women's loyalty.
01:45But also very few women will be loyal when all the right stars or all the wrong stars
01:53for the man align.
01:54Let's take from a romantic and less sexual example.
01:58Take the woman of a lower value man.
02:01Now imagine the woman meet a guy who is smart, handsome, rich, tall, has got game,
02:09gives her a good romance and takes her on a dream romance.
02:14Would you think that woman should stay loyal to the lower value man?
02:19That question is exactly the crux of the matter.
02:22Most men think that, yes, she should be loyal and if she cheats with the higher value man,
02:29then, you know, these wholesome, loyal women, you can't expect anything from them.
02:34They will drop you at the drop of a hat.
02:37My different take is that there is nothing wrong with that.
02:41It's completely normal and expected.
02:44I will not even think of such a woman as being disloyal.
02:47I will simply think such a human thing to do, a normal thing to happen.
02:54A woman will do that and the man will do the same with a specular case where he has such
02:59an opportunity with a higher value woman.
03:02Now let's take instead the sexual angle, which is even more visceral for most men.
03:08Now imagine your woman ends up on a wreckage and she's on a desert island with Brad Pitt
03:15or whoever is the most popular top male personality these days.
03:21They only have one sleeping bag and they stay there for months.
03:25Chances are that something will happen.
03:27Again, most men will be broken hearted, extremely sad about it, distraught.
03:33When many men are faced with sexual disloyalty, no matter how it happens,
03:38they will get very angry, very emotional, very reactive.
03:42Things like, how could you do this to me?
03:45You're such a whore.
03:46All the things I've done for you, all the money I spent on you, to which I always think,
03:52dumb ass, why would you spend so much money on somebody?
03:56I completely understand what happened there.
03:59But because loyalty is still a requirement, I will still break up with her.
04:05Even though she may defend herself with good arguments, such as, I was there,
04:11I didn't know if I will come out of it.
04:13It was attractive, things just happened.
04:17And these are all real, to which I will reply, yes, I totally understand.
04:22And still I don't want to be with you.
04:24This is so much more powerful, both mentally and in terms of your behavior.
04:29It's so much more attractive.
04:30The man who gets angry, who gets emotional, making drama is bitch behavior.
04:35There's no escaping it.
04:37And this type of attitude also gives me more mental and emotional resilience.
04:42Yes, I will not be happy of anything of the likes happening to me.
04:48On the other hand, my world will not crumble down and I will remain emotionally strong
04:54and mentally resilient.
04:55This also makes me more attractive because these extreme scenarios are very unlikely.
05:00However, what is far more likely is for most men to get jealous or protective and mate
05:08guard in daily situations.
05:10I don't feel so much of a need to do that because my mindset is, you do your thing.
05:16I am confident in my attractiveness as a man.
05:20And if you do something bad, we end up.
05:23That's all.
05:24I'm not going to get angry.
05:25I'm not going to make a scene.
05:26I'm not going to call you a whore.
05:28I will even understand you.
05:30But I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore.
05:33Simple.
05:33And that type of attitude makes you more attractive and makes it far less likely that a woman
05:41will stray because such a man with this mindset, with this attitude, with this confidence is
05:46extremely rare.
05:47Example number two, it's about friends.
05:50And as crazy as it may sound, I do not expect my friends to be happy for my successes.
05:57Now, before you think I'm completely mad, let me explain.
06:00You know that a lot of self-help gurus remind us not to compare ourselves with others.
06:06Things such as just look at yourself.
06:09You're in a race with yourself.
06:11Don't mind what others do.
06:13You are living today better than a king lived 200 years ago and blah, blah, blah.
06:19And all of that is true.
06:20100% true.
06:21Even as an aspirational value to compare yourself less with others.
06:27It's a great goal.
06:29However, from my point of view, that's all still blah, blah, blah.
06:33Because good luck going against human nature.
06:37Human nature is to compare yourself.
06:40And that probably stems from evolution and evolutionary psychology.
06:45During our evolutionary past, it never mattered how good you were at an absolute level.
06:53It's always comparative.
06:55If you suck, but everybody in your tribe sucked far more than you did, you will still be the
07:02leader of the tribe.
07:04You will have high status.
07:05Men will look up to you.
07:07Men will respect you.
07:08And women will be attracted to you and want to be with you.
07:11Same for if you're doing well, but everybody around you does better.
07:16You're still the last one.
07:18Lowest status.
07:19Men don't respect you.
07:20Men don't look up to you.
07:22And women do not want to be with you.
07:24So it's completely normal and expected for people to compare themselves with the people
07:31close to them, with the people they grew up with, the people they spend the most time
07:35with.
07:36Today, unluckily, that also happened to be with social media personalities.
07:40And there, I think it makes sense to say, don't compare yourself with those also because
07:45most of them are fake and live in your real life.
07:47However, when you are in your real life, then it's hard to escape the comparative nature
07:55of humans.
07:56So when you start pulling in front of your friends, most people will find it hard to
08:04be happy for you because they always think, what does it say about me?
08:09It says that I am less than him.
08:12And people don't like to be reminded that they are less of.
08:15This also changes our approach, my friendships and the way I behave with my old friends.
08:21How can I say this without sounding like a dickhead?
08:24I pulled ahead compared to most of my peers, especially in high school, because with my
08:30close group of friends, I had high status.
08:33I was a high power man.
08:35I always had confidence and high self-esteem.
08:37So I was always close to the top.
08:39So for them, it's not a big deal that I did well in life.
08:43But for my high school peers, I wasn't studying much.
08:47My conscientiousness wasn't very high when it came to topics I didn't enjoy.
08:53That meant that I didn't get great grades.
08:56Some professor didn't believe I would amount to anything in life, etc, etc.
09:00So for them, especially the ones that studied a lot, to now see me enjoying the life exactly
09:08how I wanted to live, it is painful.
09:11So when I meet with them, I never talk about me living my greatest life.
09:18Instead, I say things like, yeah, I write something on a blog.
09:23I make some stupid videos.
09:25And, you know, some people who like them may end up buying the course.
09:30My attitude is, yeah, I do this thing and a few things come out of it.
09:36It's never about me traveling the world, having my best life, doing the job that I love,
09:41waking up when I wake up, having met many beautiful women in my life, etc, etc.
09:46Sometimes when I want to overdo it, I even make it sound like, can you believe it?
09:51There are some crazy people who buy my course.
09:55When I talk in truth, I believe that Power University is far undervalued for the value
10:01it provides.
10:02However, I make it sound like people who purchase it are somewhat crazy.
10:07That smooths everything over.
10:10People don't need to become my frenemies.
10:12We can still talk like peers and everybody is happier.
10:16They don't feel diminished.
10:18I keep a good friendship.
10:20We enjoy a good time together.
10:22Everybody wins.
10:23And the third point, probably even more interesting for you guys, is about followers here on YouTube,
10:29people who watch the videos or read the articles.
10:32And in that case, I expect a lot of people to be haters.
10:37This will be normal in any case, but it's especially normal for me.
10:41Because despite I don't see myself as in the monosphere of talking about masculinity and
10:46stuff, I still end up in that corner of self-development.
10:50The people who tend to speak on these topics tend to be more alpha male types who go to
10:56the gym, who are tall, who are handsome.
10:59You look at them and you say, it makes sense.
11:02This guy is so confident with such high self-esteem.
11:05He's successful.
11:06He has beautiful women in his life, et cetera, et cetera.
11:09People look up to those guys.
11:10They see them and they think, yeah, okay, it makes sense.
11:14He has more success than I have.
11:16But when they look at me, they see a small guy, short, bold, not particularly attractive
11:22with a WAP accent.
11:23And then it's normal for them to feel diminished.
11:27They think, how can this guy have more confidence than I have, be more successful than I am,
11:32talk about these topics.
11:34By looking at me, I should have more success.
11:37And they think, what does this person's success and confidence say about me?
11:43They think it says that I'm a big fat fucking failure.
11:46And yes, in a way you are right.
11:48That's why I understand it.
11:50Now the smart reader of the power moves probably see it differently.
11:54He thinks it's because this guy is not particularly attractive, tall or handsome that he can talk
12:01about these topics and that I can learn from him.
12:05However, not every person thinks that way.
12:08And most guys tend to get defensive.
12:11The way they get defensive is by projecting on you their anger and bitterness and trying
12:17to diminish you rather than looking at themselves and what it says about them.
12:22Luckily, though, most of the people are not haters.
12:25Most of the people are great guys.
12:26So to them all, I say thank you so much.
12:28Thank you so much for watching.
12:30If any of this was helpful, please like, share and subscribe.
12:33And I will see you the next time.
12:34See you guys.
12:35Ciao, ciao.