Honeymoon Academy (1988) Comedy Adventure
While on their honeymoon in Spain, secret agent Chris and her civilian husband, Sean, get involved in a plot to recover plates for counterfeiting dollars with a gang of thieves on their heels.
Transcript
00:01:30These things are kind of tricky.
00:03:00Excuse me.
00:03:12You know you're being followed?
00:03:14Yes, I saw you downstairs.
00:03:16Oh, no, I didn't mean me.
00:03:18I meant him.
00:03:22Hey, wait a minute. That's your purse.
00:03:25Wait.
00:03:55I...
00:04:18You all right?
00:04:19Yeah, yeah, I am. You?
00:04:21Yeah, I'm great.
00:04:27Since I got a glimpse of you across the room and time stopped.
00:04:32And in that moment, I knew you were my destiny.
00:04:44How about...
00:04:47Call me Ishmael.
00:04:50You two are in big trouble.
00:04:55I'm really sorry that you tore up your library card, Ishmael.
00:04:57No, Sean.
00:04:58Sean?
00:04:59Sean McDonald.
00:05:02I just wish you would have taken it out of the wallet first.
00:05:07I want to thank you for what you did up there.
00:05:09I mean, most guys would have just looked the other way.
00:05:13If I timed that leap just a little bit better, it would have really impressed you.
00:05:16Oh, I was impressed.
00:05:18Yeah.
00:05:23Well, this macho stuff is kind of exhilarating, you know?
00:05:28You know, sort of a Charles Bronson-y glow-up.
00:05:30Oh, I do, and it must be going.
00:05:32Have you had lunch?
00:05:33Lunch?
00:05:36It's about six.
00:05:38Oh, my God, my boss is going to shoot me.
00:05:40Yo, my boss is going to shoot me, routine, huh?
00:05:43No.
00:05:47No, it's not.
00:05:49I want you to call me.
00:05:51I know this is kind of formal, but here's my card.
00:05:55Maybe I could take you to lunch or, I don't know, a library?
00:06:01Oh, a travel agent.
00:06:02Yeah.
00:06:03It's such a coincidence because I, um, I own luggage.
00:06:10I'll call.
00:06:12Tomorrow?
00:06:13Tomorrow.
00:06:17I, you wouldn't forget her or anything, would you?
00:06:23You're going to buy me lunch, aren't you?
00:06:27I won't forget her.
00:06:31Ken's Travel, can you hold, please?
00:06:45Ken's Travel, can you hold, please?
00:06:47Ken's Travel, can you hold, please?
00:06:50Oh, thank God.
00:06:54Ken's got me tracking you down everywhere.
00:06:57Okay.
00:07:07Oh, finally.
00:07:09How'd it go?
00:07:10Oh, okay.
00:07:14That okay doesn't sound so okay.
00:07:26Oh, you naughty, naughty boy and girl.
00:07:31You want to take a candid thesis before I send them over to state?
00:07:34No, thanks.
00:07:36It's a very imaginative approach to foreign policy.
00:07:40If I do say so myself.
00:07:43Doris, I met a guy at the library.
00:07:48Is that the whole story?
00:07:50Well, he, uh, he thought that my purse was being robbed and he came to my rescue.
00:07:55He even tackled Dorfman.
00:07:57Oh, my God.
00:07:59Well, he didn't tackle him very well.
00:08:01You don't think it was some twit from the CIA checking up on us, do you?
00:08:04No, no, no, I'd know it if he was.
00:08:07You know, it was, it was really very sweet.
00:08:11What?
00:08:13The guy who tackled Dorfman.
00:08:25Hi.
00:08:26Hi.
00:08:28Tomorrow's too late.
00:08:30Immediately would be better.
00:08:32How immediately?
00:08:34I'd say dinner, but you made me too nervous to eat.
00:08:37Me?
00:08:38This usually doesn't happen to me.
00:08:42You're beautiful.
00:08:44Hi.
00:08:45Well, it's just my opinion.
00:08:46You don't have to agree with it.
00:08:47Well, I'm flattered.
00:08:50I flatter you.
00:08:52I protect you.
00:08:55I think something's developing here.
00:08:58Marry me.
00:09:00Oh, I, I don't think it's fully developed.
00:09:04Yeah, probably rushing things a little too much.
00:09:07Are you too nervous to have a drink?
00:09:11I'm just nervous enough to have a drink.
00:09:15We'll do the marriage thing some other time.
00:09:18What's your Wednesday night?
00:09:20Do you, Sean McDonald, take Chris Nelson, for your love of life, to heaven to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health until death do you part?
00:09:34I do.
00:09:35They know each other for five weeks and they get married.
00:09:38It's insane.
00:09:41Hey, I'm with you, sir.
00:09:43In fact, I told Sean, hey, why don't you live with her for a couple of years?
00:09:46You know, test the waters.
00:09:47I do.
00:09:48If anyone here knows of any reason why these two should not be joined together in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.
00:09:58Oh.
00:10:09I pronounce you man and wife.
00:10:11You may kiss the bride.
00:10:24Congratulations.
00:10:26To new beginnings.
00:10:28There it is.
00:10:31I'll trade you.
00:10:33Honeymoon retirement gift.
00:10:35Europe, first class, two weeks.
00:10:37From all of us.
00:10:39Doris, I, I...
00:10:41I know, I know, you don't know what to say.
00:10:43You'll miss me.
00:10:45Miss the good times we had.
00:10:47Doris, um...
00:10:49I haven't said anything to Sean, but I'd like to.
00:10:51No.
00:10:53You know the rules.
00:10:55We don't exist.
00:10:58As far as Sean is concerned, you're nothing but a travel agent.
00:11:02I know.
00:11:04I know.
00:11:07And a very good one.
00:11:09I'm going to miss you.
00:11:12Me too.
00:11:19You sure you don't want to keep this?
00:11:21Came in real handy in my first marriage.
00:11:25No.
00:11:36American Airlines flight number 59
00:11:39will arrive in Madrid from Washington DC
00:11:42at gate number 12.
00:11:46American Airlines flight number 59
00:11:49arriving Madrid from Washington DC
00:11:53at gate 12.
00:11:59Why do I feel like I've got eight kilos of heroin in here?
00:12:02The worst thing I've got in here is socks with bad elastin.
00:12:05Ooh.
00:12:07It would have eventually come off.
00:12:11It's not a very good likeness.
00:12:13I had recently worn a hat.
00:12:15You know...
00:12:18All passengers on this area...
00:12:20Come with me, please.
00:12:22Is there a problem?
00:12:24No problem. Come with me, please.
00:12:27Gracias.
00:12:34Sit down, miss.
00:12:39Passport. Gracias.
00:12:47Guess who?
00:12:51How did you know it was me?
00:12:54What are you doing here?
00:12:56I think you dislocated my liver.
00:12:58Alex, what are you doing here?
00:13:01Please don't shout, darling.
00:13:03I had to do that awful embassy party thing all night long
00:13:05and I have a terrible headache.
00:13:07I don't like you being here. I smell a rat.
00:13:09Did it occur to you that I might just be here to congratulate you?
00:13:12No.
00:13:14So you know me. Big deal.
00:13:16Just a small favor.
00:13:18Wait a minute.
00:13:20This whole honeymoon thing...
00:13:22It's a setup.
00:13:24Well, now we know why I'm here.
00:13:26I'm an idiot.
00:13:29Well, I must admit, darling, I wouldn't have fallen for it.
00:13:33Anyway, Lazos is back and he trusts only you.
00:13:37Lazos?
00:13:39He has something we want, my dear.
00:13:41Just give us an hour. Meet him, pay him,
00:13:44and he'll bring the merchandise on to me.
00:13:46No, no, no, no.
00:13:48I am retired. I'm on my honeymoon.
00:13:57May I suggest you look in your suitcase before your husband?
00:14:00What?
00:14:01Since you will be changing your mind, Chris,
00:14:03I've arranged for a million dollars in pay-off money to be slipped into your bag.
00:14:06Right about now.
00:14:15Where have you been? What's going on?
00:14:17Oh, it's just...
00:14:19The ticket.
00:14:21The ticket was in my married name,
00:14:23and the passport was in my maiden name,
00:14:25and they get so easily confused.
00:14:27Are you all right?
00:14:28Oh, are you kidding?
00:14:30He read my article on the Alou brothers.
00:14:32Where are they now? Oh, he loves me.
00:14:34As do all the Spanish people.
00:14:37There!
00:14:40Sorry.
00:15:06Hey!
00:15:36Bienvenidos.
00:15:50Sure hope he works here.
00:15:59Where's the luggage?
00:16:00Oh, Bellhop took it.
00:16:07Chris?
00:16:08Hey.
00:16:09What's wrong? Are you going to check our luggage again?
00:16:11No, I just wanted to get something out of my suitcase.
00:16:14We'll do it later, huh?
00:16:15Later.
00:16:16After we check in.
00:16:37I have a bag sent up immediately.
00:16:39Yes, of course.
00:16:52Is this some sort of luggage fetish thing that I ought to know about?
00:16:59I don't know.
00:17:00I don't know.
00:17:01I don't know.
00:17:02I don't know.
00:17:03I don't know.
00:17:04I don't know.
00:17:06No.
00:17:07He will show you to your room.
00:17:09And your bags are on the way up.
00:17:10Have you found my luggage yet?
00:17:12Or do you just have some new excuse?
00:17:19No, no, no.
00:17:20Por favor, por favor, por favor.
00:17:22No, don't, don't, don't.
00:17:23Don't book that.
00:17:24Please, I don't want to hear any more of that music.
00:17:27Look, just let me speak to the manager.
00:17:31El jefe.
00:17:33I...
00:17:35I have been waiting.
00:17:36I have been waiting for five minutes.
00:17:38I don't want to wait anymore.
00:17:40I just want my luggage.
00:17:41Hey, I thought you were going to slip into a little nothing and join me in the bathroom.
00:17:44Wait, the bag's not here.
00:17:45There is nothing to slip into.
00:17:49That could be them.
00:17:51That could be them.
00:17:52Hold on.
00:17:57Fine.
00:17:59Yeah, listen, you can just put them down...
00:18:02Right in the middle of the room.
00:18:07I don't have any...
00:18:10I'll catch you later.
00:18:11I promise.
00:18:21They're here.
00:18:22Ah, they're here.
00:18:23They're here.
00:18:25They're here.
00:18:28Can we start our honeymoon now?
00:18:30I'll be right back and we can practice that.
00:18:45Hey, the water is getting cold and the champagne is getting warm.
00:18:50I'll be right back.
00:18:51What?
00:18:56Chris?
00:19:01Chris?
00:19:04Chris?
00:19:09Oh, shit.
00:19:15Excuse me.
00:19:16Could you help me out here?
00:19:19Por favor limpiar el cuarto.
00:19:30I'll catch you later.
00:19:31I promise.
00:19:52Ah, dear Chris, I'm afraid you've backed me into a corner.
00:19:56Now I have no choice but to get tough with you.
00:20:00Now you listen to me.
00:20:02The money is in a small tan suitcase.
00:20:04You want it, you help me find it.
00:20:16How could you put it in my bag?
00:20:18How could you just assume that I would do this?
00:20:22I want my honeymoon, Alex.
00:20:25Oh, this is your problem.
00:20:28This is our problem.
00:20:31Take a look at these.
00:20:33Very nice.
00:20:35Take a good look.
00:20:36Can you tell the difference?
00:20:39No, I can't.
00:20:41That's exactly the point.
00:20:42No one can.
00:20:44Lazos has finally made the set of perfect counterfeit plates.
00:20:48How perfect?
00:20:50Perfect, perfect.
00:20:53Ruin the economy, perfect.
00:20:55Ruin the economy, perfect.
00:21:14All I have to do is to get Sean and go home.
00:21:18Do that and two things will happen.
00:21:20One, I tell State that you stole the money.
00:21:24And two, Sean finds out about your secret past.
00:21:45I'm not going to take that personally.
00:21:47Please do.
00:21:52Sean!
00:21:54Sean!
00:22:12Honey.
00:22:18So, did he find your bags?
00:22:22Who?
00:22:23Oh, that hotel guy with the bella legosi hair.
00:22:27You know, the one with his tongue in your ear.
00:22:32That was no hotel guy, that was Alex.
00:22:36Oh, good.
00:22:38Alex.
00:22:43You know, honey, Alex DeBanes, we used to work together and we haven't seen each other for a while and we were just catching up to see how we were.
00:22:50And how were we?
00:22:52Well, one of us was hanging naked from a stairway.
00:22:57You think he was impressed?
00:23:00Oh, I think everyone in the lobby was impressed.
00:23:07But especially me.
00:23:22What's up?
00:23:23What's up?
00:23:24What's up?
00:23:25What's up?
00:23:26What's up?
00:23:27What's up?
00:23:28What's up?
00:23:29What's up?
00:23:30What's up?
00:23:31What's up?
00:23:32What's up?
00:23:33What's up?
00:23:34What's up?
00:23:35What's up?
00:23:36What's up?
00:23:37What's up?
00:23:38What's up?
00:23:39What's up?
00:23:40What's up?
00:23:41What's up?
00:23:42What's up?
00:23:43What's up?
00:23:44What's up?
00:23:45What's up?
00:23:46What's up?
00:23:47What's up?
00:23:48What's up?
00:23:49What's up?
00:23:50What's up?
00:23:51What's up?
00:23:52What's up?
00:23:53What's up?
00:23:54What's up?
00:23:55What's up?
00:23:56What's up?
00:23:57What's up?
00:23:58What's up?
00:23:59What's up?
00:24:00What's up?
00:24:01What's up?
00:24:02What's up?
00:24:13Excuse me, excuse me, but you're really starting to irritate me.
00:24:17Pack openness.
00:24:19Open it
00:24:38Yes, ooh
00:24:40Sean meet Alex to Baines yes Sean dressed very nice I'm sure Chris has
00:24:50told you all about me enough Chris that favor I asked you for simply must be
00:24:55taking care of tomorrow darling favor just a tour mix up the kind of thing
00:25:00that Chris is so good at straightening Chris is on her honeymoon Chris is
00:25:05retired but surely you can spare her for a few hours to help us out now can't you
00:25:09I don't want to be the bad guy if it's something you have to do it's okay with
00:25:12me then it's settled para finalizar y para que todos ustedes puedan bailar
00:25:19vamos a interpretar un tango god I love the tango such a provocative sexually
00:25:28stimulating virtually pulsating passion
00:25:34if I dance with your wife would you relax or would you rather have this
00:25:44discussion in front of Sean
00:25:59Oh
00:26:00I'm going to the fiesta and dang it finalize those there
00:26:28I'm a Caballero right so I'm sorry you guys are in the wrong room
00:26:48Espera un momento. Yo soy un Caballero, ¿verdad? Creo que se ha equivocado de baño.
00:26:55Deja de hacer el idiota. Tenemos mucho de que hablar.
00:27:00Don't play the idiot. We have much to discuss.
00:27:05I'm not playing.
00:27:08No estoy jugando.
00:27:09Eres muy atractivo.
00:27:11Mejor.
00:27:13Esta no tiene por qué ser una relación exclusivamente de negocios.
00:27:16I find you very attractive.
00:27:18Better.
00:27:19It need not to be just a business relationship.
00:27:22I think it should because because my wife finds me attractive too.
00:27:28¿Sabes por qué? Porque mi mujer también me encuentra muy atractivo.
00:27:31Bonito.
00:27:32Deja de decir tonterías.
00:27:33Sweetheart, cut the short end.
00:27:35Tú y yo somos profesionales y los dos queremos esas planchas.
00:27:38We are both professional and we both want the plates.
00:27:42Plates.
00:27:46Oh, the plates.
00:27:48Oh.
00:27:50I tell you what. Why don't you just keep them, huh?
00:27:53It was nice talking with you, but I got to go now.
00:27:55Te vamos a dejar sin nada.
00:27:57We left with nothing. You wretched pig.
00:28:05Careful in there, pal. It's dangerous.
00:28:16¡Hijo de puta!
00:28:29Sorry.
00:28:45What?
00:28:46He said to hurry because he's in great pain.
00:28:51Because I'm a fat brainless putz.
00:28:56Please, guys. Please hurry. Please.
00:29:16Do I stand around gaping at you?
00:29:19I don't think so.
00:29:45I don't think so.
00:30:01Sean, what is it?
00:30:03What's what?
00:30:05Do you hate your tie? Are you trying to kill your tie?
00:30:11I'm disciplining it.
00:30:15It's Alex, right?
00:30:17Maybe it's a whole other culture I have to get used to.
00:30:19Two women do a WrestleMania number on me in a men's room.
00:30:22And some clown with a case of 10-40 oil in his hair tries to seduce my wife.
00:30:28Alex seduced me?
00:30:30Oh, come on, Sean. You actually sound jealous.
00:30:35Maybe it's because I actually am jealous.
00:30:38You don't need to be jealous of anyone, especially not Alex.
00:30:41Yeah, well...
00:30:43How about the way he was dancing with you?
00:30:46Alex is not a very good dancer.
00:30:48What about that favor tomorrow?
00:30:50You're the one who said, go ahead, do the favor.
00:30:52It was jet lag talking.
00:30:54Oh, honey, I don't want to fight, especially not about Alex.
00:31:13Oh.
00:31:26Sorry. My head must have slipped.
00:31:31You know, my elbow still hurts.
00:31:36Your elbow hurts?
00:31:38Yeah.
00:31:40How do you think my entire head feels, you moron?
00:31:43Huh?
00:31:46Oh.
00:32:08Help me up in the back.
00:32:10Yeah.
00:32:15Help me up in the back.
00:32:38You know, I was thinking...
00:32:41Maybe I ought to go with you this morning.
00:32:43Honey, it's business and it's boring.
00:32:46I left a list of some museums that you might want to see around here.
00:32:54What?
00:33:05I don't want to go to museums alone.
00:33:09Hey, lady, I'm here minding my own...
00:33:14...business.
00:33:15I won't know when to...
00:33:17...be impressed.
00:33:23Just ooh and...
00:33:25...after every other painting.
00:33:29What?
00:33:33What?
00:33:39Your shoe.
00:33:47Yeah, shoes.
00:34:08Your hairdryer just tried to kill me.
00:34:10I'm sorry.
00:34:16Who sent you?
00:34:17That's a secret I'll take to my grave.
00:34:19Marlis.
00:34:24Who's Marlis?
00:34:26You look absolutely delicious this morning, my dear.
00:34:29There's a definite robust sexual blush to your cheeks.
00:34:32Ah, yes. Marlis.
00:34:34He's a lowlife. Probably wants to give the place to a foreign dictator.
00:34:37You know, Lazos will want to see the money.
00:34:39Not to worry.
00:34:40You'll show him this.
00:34:42Lazos trusts you.
00:34:44He'll think the money's in here.
00:34:54And when Lazos finds out there's nothing but paper in here, then what?
00:34:58Then we try reason...
00:35:00...and ask for time.
00:35:01But if we don't make this appointment, Lazos may try to do business with someone else.
00:35:04Great plan.
00:35:06You never said it was a plan, darling.
00:35:20Uh, follow that car.
00:35:23That car.
00:35:25Follow it.
00:35:30Uh, como Miami Vice?
00:35:32Ah, si.
00:35:36Let's go.
00:36:06Let's go.
00:36:36Let's go.
00:37:06Aceite!
00:37:08This one's good.
00:37:10This one's for making potatoes and cod.
00:37:12It's cheap.
00:37:14Only 500.
00:37:16Only 500.
00:37:18It's good.
00:37:20Thank you.
00:37:36Thanks.
00:37:54Charlie!
00:38:01Sean?
00:38:03Sean!
00:38:05What are you doing here?
00:38:06Well, I was just looking for some of those mini fork things to hold corn with.
00:38:10Actually, I was worried about you. I don't trust a guy with a varnished head.
00:38:13Look, you stay here, and I'll be right back.
00:38:16And then I'm gonna tell you everything.
00:38:35Charlie!
00:38:48Boo!
00:38:51You almost gave me a heart attack.
00:38:53But you are young and you're strong. You can take it.
00:38:59You never learn, do you?
00:39:01You fell for that one seven years ago.
00:39:04Are you thinking that you'll grow up?
00:39:06Whatever for? I can't avoid growing old, but I can resist ferociously growing up.
00:39:11My dear Lazos, you...
00:39:13I saw you with a young man up there just now.
00:39:17Oh, that's Sean. He's my husband.
00:39:19Oh.
00:39:20He doesn't know anything about this. I'm retired. It's you who got me into this.
00:39:24Me?
00:39:25Yes, you.
00:39:26But who could I trust?
00:39:29You remember, the last time I dealt with your government, they threw me into jail.
00:39:35Of course, there was a delicious irony in all this,
00:39:37because during my holiday, it gave me ample time to perfect my masterpiece.
00:39:43You know, there's a lot of other people chasing after these plates.
00:39:46I know, I know, but they'll never find them. They're very well hidden.
00:39:48Why didn't you just print up a couple of billion for yourself?
00:39:51Where would be the fun in that?
00:39:53I mean, I would never get to see your people squirm at the thought
00:39:56that I was selling them to their enemies for 20 times the price.
00:39:59And I could have done, you know. Oh, yes, I could.
00:40:02But then, this was never about money, was it?
00:40:06I'm glad to hear that, because we have a slight problem.
00:40:22Lazos!
00:40:25Run! Run!
00:40:32Good light, pal.
00:40:34I'd say things have gone a tad awry.
00:40:36You and Sean ought to get to La Para.
00:40:39Wait for me there, I'll get you out.
00:40:40If anything should happen to Sean...
00:40:42Look, you'll be safe, okay?
00:40:43I'll call Mrs. Kent and tell her that you're out of it.
00:40:55Oh, no, thanks. I already have the whole set.
00:41:03What? Is that dollars or pesetas?
00:41:06No, nothing.
00:41:14All right, put me out of here.
00:41:24No, no, I can't! I can't do it!
00:41:29Okay, okay, fine. Sold!
00:41:42Basilica. Basilica.
00:41:54Basilica.
00:42:05Get on!
00:42:13What's going on? I don't know, man.
00:42:25I'm gonna get us out of this.
00:42:27Out of what? What are we in?
00:42:28Oh, you're gonna hate me, and I wouldn't blame you.
00:42:32All right, all right. We're not gonna fit.
00:42:35Oh, my God!
00:42:36But it's not my fault!
00:42:37What's not your fault? Let's start with that. What is not your fault?
00:42:40No!
00:42:49Huh? Don't we know her?
00:42:55Let's go.
00:43:08How'd she do that?
00:43:10She's terrific.
00:43:21Are you okay?
00:43:23I can't hear you. My nuts are clogging my ears.
00:43:26Huh?
00:43:54Whoa!
00:43:57Whoa!
00:44:05Oh, shit!
00:44:24There's a hell of a honeymoon package your friend spaced us up with.
00:44:39I guess you'll have to steal another motorcycle.
00:44:46They said till death do us part. I didn't think they meant the first week.
00:44:50Sean, I'm gonna explain everything.
00:44:53But right now, we've got to keep moving.
00:44:56No. I'm not going anywhere until I find out what the hell's going on here.
00:45:01Okay.
00:45:03The travel agency, it isn't just a travel agency.
00:45:06And I wasn't just a travel agency.
00:45:10Yeah?
00:45:12We're run by the State Department.
00:45:14We do different errands for different government agencies.
00:45:18Sort of like a courier service.
00:45:20A courier service?
00:45:22Yeah, yeah. We deal with blackmailers and ransom demands.
00:45:25You know, we do tricky stuff that they don't want to be taught doing.
00:45:31Well, this is a little tidbit of personal info that you might have shared with me.
00:45:36Sean, I wanted to tell you.
00:45:39I couldn't.
00:45:41My job was classified. Nobody knew. Not my parents, my friends.
00:45:44Your husband?
00:45:46Yes.
00:45:54Why don't you start?
00:46:17All right.
00:46:21Oh, hey. Sorry about the jacket.
00:46:26All right.
00:46:32Sorry about the shirt.
00:46:36Come on. Give me a hand.
00:46:39Give me a hand.
00:46:45What did he say?
00:46:47He said to leave me. I'm worthless.
00:46:49Come on.
00:46:53Is this one of those evil twin deals?
00:46:55I mean, have you got some dungeon in Washington where Chris is tied up?
00:46:59This is no evil twin deal.
00:47:02You have no idea where we're heading, do you?
00:47:05Yes, I do. We're going to La Para, to a safe house.
00:47:08The Banes will meet us. He got us into this, he's gonna get us out of it.
00:47:12We're counting on him?
00:47:14We did meet.
00:47:16I'd like to suggest we find an alternate route.
00:47:39Come on.
00:47:45Over there.
00:47:52I could nail a butterfly at a hundred paces.
00:47:55Yeah, I bet you'd enjoy it, too.
00:47:58Please, I want no hostilities here, and no harm's gonna come to you.
00:48:04Lazos gave me something at the restaurant. I simply want it.
00:48:09He didn't give me anything.
00:48:11I'm not talking to you, old lady. I'm talking to him.
00:48:14This? You're shooting at us for this?
00:48:18I'm shooting at them for that?
00:48:21Wait a minute.
00:48:24It's a clue to where Lazos hid a set of perfect counterfeit plates.
00:48:34Oh, perfect counterfeit plates.
00:48:36Excuse me, but I believe I'm the one conducting this meeting here.
00:48:40You either give me that thing, or I'm gonna have my vice president of public relations here plant some lead in your head.
00:48:47Now, wait a minute, pal. Do you want it?
00:48:53Yeah.
00:49:15I don't know about you, but I'm going back to the States.
00:49:20Sean?
00:49:31If you go down in the woods today, you'd better not go alone.
00:49:36If you go out in the woods today, be sure to go in disguise.
00:49:40If you go out in the woods today, you're in for a big surprise.
00:49:49We're totally fucking lost.
00:49:57Cause every day's the day that Taylor...
00:50:02Sean?
00:50:07Oh, God, Sean, are you okay?
00:50:09Oh, I'm having a blast. Now, get me down.
00:50:14Sean, I'm going to let you down, but first of all, I have something I want to say.
00:50:20Well, you got about 90 seconds until my head explodes.
00:50:23I don't think you're being fair to me. Or to us.
00:50:26Huh? How? How am I not being fair?
00:50:29I suppose you don't have any secrets, any skeletons in your closet.
00:50:34Well, yeah, but the Henshaw sisters aren't gonna kill us.
00:50:39Sean? Sean, do you actually believe that I wanted to lie to you?
00:50:44Do you actually believe that I would do anything to harm you?
00:50:47I'd quit my job so we could lead a normal life.
00:50:50So how'd we end up like this?
00:50:54She said if I didn't do this one last favor, I could end up a widow.
00:51:00I respect your decision.
00:51:03So you believe that I would never do anything to hurt you?
00:51:08This is a lot to digest.
00:51:10Yeah, especially when you're hanging upside down like this.
00:51:13But you believe me.
00:51:15Yeah, yeah, I believe you.
00:51:28Hey.
00:51:33Hey.
00:52:04Bambi? Thumper? Hey, you.
00:52:07Hey.
00:52:09Hey!
00:52:17Which way's Marble Furnace?
00:52:23That way, I think.
00:52:25I think it's over there.
00:52:34These things are very tricky.
00:52:37It's, uh...
00:52:45You incredible dick!
00:52:59Shit!
00:53:03Bitch!
00:53:07Show off, you.
00:53:12Bitch!
00:53:22Bitch!
00:53:34Call me Mr. Curiosity,
00:53:36but how did you ever wind up in a job like this?
00:53:39I was recruited.
00:53:41From what? Your college spy team?
00:53:44No, I was a translator at State.
00:53:47I thought it would be fun and generally safe.
00:53:51You meet such a high caliber of people.
00:53:53No, I met you.
00:53:55Me? What do you mean?
00:53:58No, I met you.
00:54:00Me? What do you mean?
00:54:04Nothing.
00:54:06Oh, you mean something by that.
00:54:09Wait a minute.
00:54:11You were working that day at the library?
00:54:14Yes.
00:54:16That guy wasn't trying to steal your purse?
00:54:19No.
00:54:20Oh, I feel like such an idiot.
00:54:25You were passing him something, and I screwed it up.
00:54:28I screwed up some deal.
00:54:30Sean, no, you weren't an idiot,
00:54:33and you really didn't screw anything up.
00:54:35No, because I tackled his shoe.
00:54:37I screwed up screwing up.
00:54:39The possibilities for self-recrimination on this are endless.
00:54:42I thought it was a beautiful gesture.
00:54:44Stay over on your side of the fire.
00:54:47This is a low self-esteem moment.
00:54:51Maybe it would be a good idea if we didn't talk for a little while.
00:54:55Unless you have something important to say.
00:54:58Look out, he's got a gun.
00:55:01I have something important to say.
00:55:04Sean, I'm sorry.
00:55:07I'm sorry that I got you into all this.
00:55:09I never meant to hurt you or deceive you.
00:55:12No matter what happens,
00:55:14no matter what you think, I love you.
00:55:20I love you.
00:55:50I love you.
00:56:14Hey.
00:56:16Hey.
00:56:18No, much better.
00:56:20Maybe I'm still asleep.
00:56:22I'm hallucinating Norman Bates' house.
00:56:35Do we really want to meet the people who live here?
00:56:40As opposed to spending the rest of our lives with tarantulas and orangutans?
00:56:43I don't think we have to dwell on that.
00:56:45Do you recognize that car?
00:56:47Because I think I recognize that car.
00:56:50I'm sure I recognize that car.
00:56:54Well, this is a pleasant surprise.
00:57:01Cover him.
00:57:15Cover him.
00:57:36This is the last time I'm going to ask you.
00:57:39What's this thing?
00:57:40Man!
00:57:42I told you we don't know.
00:57:44Ask Lazos.
00:57:48What?
00:57:49He said Lazos is dead.
00:57:54In a minute you'll be able to ask him yourself.
00:58:05Oh, my.
00:58:07Oh, my.
00:58:14I'd like to speak to you for a moment.
00:58:17As if...
00:58:20Well...
00:58:22As if you were my recently departed wife.
00:58:28You bitch!
00:58:30Hey, hey, hey.
00:58:32Now, look, this charade has gone far enough.
00:58:35My business is going to be done.
00:58:37It'll be done with me.
00:58:39Shine.
00:58:41Sorry, babe.
00:58:42The agency didn't want me to tell you.
00:58:45I hope you understand.
00:58:47We've had our eye on you for some time, Marlis.
00:58:51We knew we'd hook you if we put out the right bait.
00:58:54Forget her.
00:58:56She's a front.
00:58:58A diversion.
00:59:00Who do you think set up the Guzman hit in Geneva?
00:59:02Or the Blofeld sting in Prague?
00:59:04Or who do you think put Wofat to sleep in Hong Kong?
00:59:08You're looking at him, pal.
00:59:12So let the filly go and we'll talk deal.
00:59:14Deal?
00:59:15Filly?
00:59:16That's right.
00:59:17Deal.
00:59:20The answer to that puzzle is right here.
00:59:25If you want it,
00:59:28you'll have to get it out of me.
00:59:35Now that's entertainment.
00:59:37What?
00:59:38Back to business, sweetheart.
00:59:40Whoa!
00:59:41No, Basilica Dulce.
00:59:42Twelve.
00:59:43That's all I said.
00:59:44It was just the globe and Basilica Dulce.
00:59:47There was nothing more.
00:59:48That's it.
00:59:49It was zilch.
01:00:05He said thank you very much.
01:00:07This time he believes you.
01:00:10And to kill you.
01:00:12I'm so sorry.
01:00:35I love you so much.
01:00:37And I love you.
01:00:43Okay.
01:00:44Come on.
01:00:45Stop that.
01:00:46Come on.
01:00:48All right.
01:00:49Release the brake.
01:00:52All right.
01:00:53Gun the engine.
01:00:58Now put the car in drive.
01:01:53Are they dead?
01:01:58Yeah, they're dead.
01:02:00I pushed them off a cliff.
01:02:02Good.
01:02:04What took you so long?
01:02:07Long?
01:02:09I had to walk back.
01:02:11I had to walk back.
01:02:25I'm almost afraid to ask you this.
01:02:29You don't have to be almost afraid to ask me anything.
01:02:35Where's my car?
01:02:39Your car?
01:02:43What car?
01:02:46They were in it.
01:02:49A Mercedes?
01:02:51Yeah, your Mercedes.
01:03:01Mm-hmm.
01:03:31We're almost home.
01:04:00As long as we make it back in time to the World Series, no harm done.
01:04:08Honey, when is the World Series?
01:04:10It's not until tomorrow.
01:04:12Oh, no problem.
01:04:14God, I need a bath.
01:04:24Why didn't you tell me?
01:04:28Why didn't you tell me?
01:04:29My hair looks like shredded wheat.
01:04:33You can carry that look off.
01:04:38Really?
01:04:48So now what?
01:04:50We wait for DeBanes to contact us.
01:04:52You really think he's going to show up?
01:04:55No, he'll show up.
01:05:00I actually can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I'm going to be glad to see him.
01:05:08Honey, I told you, your hair doesn't look that bad.
01:05:17Oh, great, he's dead.
01:05:22We've all killed him.
01:05:25He's been shot.
01:05:33Room service.
01:05:35I'm really going to be able to eat?
01:05:38In the closet. Help me.
01:05:51Din, din.
01:05:54You can just leave it and go, thank you.
01:06:22Thank you.
01:06:46Tyrone probably won't even be using a fork.
01:06:52Sit.
01:06:54Please.
01:07:02I'm really not very...
01:07:07Guy's angling for a hell of a tip.
01:07:16Dramatic, isn't it?
01:07:20Where is it, Mr. McDonald?
01:07:22I know I'm going to regret asking this, but where is what?
01:07:29What the hell kind of crack is that?
01:07:32Is there something wrong with my hair?
01:07:34No, it's great.
01:07:38Lazos gave you something, I want it.
01:07:41It was a thing.
01:07:42Oh, honey, you remember.
01:07:44It was a thing the guy gave me in the place.
01:07:47The thing.
01:07:48Oh, the thing.
01:07:49The thing I put in my purse.
01:07:51Yeah, but I took it back from you.
01:07:52I put it in the car.
01:07:53Under the seat.
01:07:54Oh, I...
01:07:55Oh, you better show me where.
01:07:56I'll be right back.
01:07:57Sit down, now.
01:07:59You know, one of you had better show me, because I can get very ugly.
01:08:05Believe me, you're already there.
01:08:29Oh, my God.
01:09:00Maybe if I bought one for him.
01:09:04Get him.
01:09:13You think we lost him?
01:09:18No.
01:09:30Drop.
01:09:40Holy shit.
01:09:44Taurus?
01:09:45Will?
01:09:47Everybody in one piece?
01:09:49I don't know.
01:09:51Let me check.
01:09:53Who was that man?
01:09:55Our waiter.
01:09:58Taurus, if you hadn't just saved our lives, I'd strangle you.
01:10:04Oh, you're going to feel great after a hot bath and a good sleep.
01:10:09Hot bath, good sleep.
01:10:15It's some business.
01:10:17People getting killed or whatever.
01:10:20It's some business.
01:10:22People getting killed over some shaky, flaky thing you can buy anywhere.
01:10:26Yeah.
01:10:27What?
01:10:30What?
01:10:32You know, the glass globe snowy thing that Laszlo's gave us.
01:10:37We saw 50 of them in a store window back there.
01:10:50Pedraza.
01:10:52The Basilica at Pedraza.
01:11:09Here, honey.
01:11:13You feeling better?
01:11:15Tons. Tons better.
01:11:18What about this boat?
01:11:19Oh, any second now.
01:11:21A 20-minute ride to Ibiza, you're on the plane.
01:11:23You'll be home in time for brunch.
01:11:25But then again, you know, Ibiza is such a lovely island.
01:11:28Maybe you'd like to stay there for a while and...
01:11:32I guess not.
01:11:40Oh, I'm so sorry all this happened.
01:11:43So am I.
01:11:45Chris.
01:11:47Don't get upset, but I want you to think very carefully.
01:11:51Do you think that Sean is holding anything back from us?
01:11:54Maybe because he's angry or hurt or...
01:11:57Or what?
01:11:59Doris, just forget about it.
01:12:02Oh, God. I'm sorry.
01:12:05I just keep hoping for something else.
01:12:07I mean, Basilica Dose 12.
01:12:10It's so vague.
01:12:12And the Basilica is so big.
01:12:14It'll take us forever to find those plates.
01:12:17Doris.
01:12:21I couldn't care less.
01:12:24Cheers.
01:12:44Good news.
01:12:46Your ride's here.
01:12:55This one doesn't have blanks in it.
01:12:58You? You and him?
01:13:01Doris, you couldn't. You wouldn't.
01:13:03Oh, funny. Alex thought that, too.
01:13:06Look, if it were up to me, I'd allow a quick death.
01:13:09But you angered Mr. Pitt.
01:13:11So he has a special pain plan for you.
01:13:14He has a pain plan?
01:13:17Why?
01:13:19Ten, 20, 30 million dollars.
01:13:22The plates are perfect.
01:13:24No telling how high the bidding will go.
01:13:26Look, now you've got the plates, so we'll just walk home.
01:13:28I'm sorry. You're loose ends.
01:13:31I really didn't want it to end like this.
01:13:34No hard feelings, Chris.
01:13:36Plenty of them.
01:13:40Come on.
01:13:53So I guess this is the end of your pain plan.
01:13:56Bingo.
01:14:22What?
01:14:38I told you you shouldn't have pissed me off.
01:14:52Oh, my God.
01:15:22Oh, my God.
01:15:28Come on. We're never gonna find the plates here.
01:15:30It's too big. It's too dark.
01:15:32It's too cold. It's too wet.
01:15:34Excuse me. Excuse me.
01:15:36When you guys are finished with your bitching,
01:15:38we're gonna search every square inch of this big, dark, cold, wet place
01:15:41until we find what 12-dish key opens.
01:15:44I'm going that way. You guys go that way.
01:15:53Everybody's having a chance to kill us.
01:15:56Now what?
01:15:58I got to make some calls.
01:16:00State department, local authorities.
01:16:02Tell them what's been going on.
01:16:04It's not a problem anymore.
01:16:06We can go home.
01:16:10I don't want to go home.
01:16:12What?
01:16:14Grace, I know you're kind of silly,
01:16:16but back there at the library, I kind of...
01:16:19I thought I was your hero, but I wasn't.
01:16:21I need redemption.
01:16:23Sean!
01:16:25I mean, if your work is important to you,
01:16:27then it's important to me, too.
01:16:29I want to do this.
01:16:31What are you talking about? Do what?
01:16:33Something that's good and right
01:16:36and not too damn selfish.
01:16:39Well, hell, we're in the neighborhood.
01:16:41Why not finish the job?
01:16:43Let's get to those plates before everybody else does.
01:16:45Sean, those people are dangerous.
01:16:47They tried to kill us.
01:16:49Sure, but hey, I got to punch somebody, and right now...
01:16:52Well, I'm feeling too good about you.
01:16:54Sean, he's...
01:17:00Listen to me. You can't...
01:17:09Okay, see you.
01:17:11Stan! Stan!
01:17:13You incredible dork!
01:17:15Stan! Stan!
01:17:17Hey, Lance, look at this one.
01:17:19This is fun. This is good.
01:17:21Wait, wait, here it goes. This you're going to love.
01:17:25Where's my car?
01:17:27Boy, my neck hurts.
01:17:30You're a fashionista.
01:17:33My Mercedes. My new Mercedes.
01:17:36You remind me of my newly daily departed wife.
01:17:40Ah, ah. I'm going to...
01:17:43Uh-oh.
01:17:45Get off your fat ass and find out what this thing fits.
01:18:15Hallelujah.
01:18:18Hallelujah.
01:18:22Hallelujah.
01:18:27Hallelujah.
01:18:58Jesus.
01:19:04What now?
01:19:06We spread out.
01:19:08Look for anything with a 12 on it.
01:19:15Hallelujah.
01:19:20Hallelujah.
01:19:24Hallelujah.
01:19:44Oh, morning, Monk.
01:19:55Daddy.
01:20:09Oh, baby.
01:20:12Oh.
01:20:22Hey, it's my retinas, you moron.
01:20:25Oh! Careful.
01:20:30Careful.
01:20:42That was fun.
01:20:44Well, there are certain educational advantages to growing up in New York.
01:21:12Oh, dear.
01:21:14Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
01:21:17This is it.
01:21:19This is it.
01:21:21This is it.
01:21:23Wait a minute.
01:21:25Yeah.
01:21:27Yeah.
01:21:29Yeah.
01:21:31Yeah.
01:21:33Yeah.
01:21:35Yeah.
01:21:37Yeah.
01:21:40Hold it.
01:21:41Okay.
01:21:51Stop right there, gentlemen.
01:21:53Give it to me.
01:21:55Uh, excuse me, miss, but, uh, is this thing loaded?
01:21:58It's a Walther PPK. It'll blow your head off.
01:22:01Well, in that case, you're pointing it at the wrong guy, because it belongs to him.
01:22:05Hand it over, Slim. Come on.
01:22:10Oh!
01:22:16I thought you killed them.
01:22:19I thought we killed them.
01:22:40Oh!
01:22:58Here! Here!
01:23:00Here, here! Here!
01:23:03Here! Here! Here, here!
01:23:06Here!
01:23:08Here!
01:23:10Here!
01:23:30I'll take that!
01:23:32Thank you!
01:23:35Give it up you aren't going anywhere. Yeah, we are
01:23:42Come on get away from me get away
01:24:04Oh
01:24:35Wait
01:24:51Hey, what's going on you're not our driver
01:25:04Do you really think you're gonna get away with this? Oh, I'm always the optimist
01:25:17We're running late folks, so everybody just sit down and relax, you know the beautiful seacoast of Petra
01:25:30Sorry
01:25:34Oh
01:25:39Would you shut up
01:25:58Step on it
01:26:04I
01:26:34Surrender I surrender take me I place myself in my own custody
01:26:49A government salary exquisite taste. What did you expect? I was right for temptation
01:27:04Oh
01:27:26Well, we're on our way
01:27:34Oh
01:28:04Oh
01:28:34I
01:29:04I
01:29:16Well, thanks again for clearing up this whole mrs. Kent business, I hope it didn't spoil your honeymoon
01:29:21Oh, no, just like the brochures said boating swimming
01:29:25Yeah, nature hikes deep-sea diving. The only part they left out was the shooting in the killing
01:29:29We hate to lose you sure you won't reconsider that resignation
01:29:33Such a pity such a fine career. Oh, well, thanks again
01:29:39That's it thanks again is it that's it let's go
01:29:45Oh
01:29:57Look pal I have no no no here for you
01:30:15I
01:30:17Mean could you ask them to bring down the hotel room because I'm I'm just too tired to move. I
01:30:24Just had a thought what?
01:30:27Mrs. Kent did all this on her own the State Department knew nothing about this. Who the hell is gonna pay for our room?
01:30:36You're the McDonald's, right
01:30:38Right. Oh, thank goodness. I've been lugging this thing around looking for you
01:30:44Wouldn't leave it with the hotel, huh? They haven't found my luggage yet
01:30:58Holy moly
01:31:13Oh
01:31:43You
01:32:13You
01:32:43You
01:33:13You
01:33:43You