Weekend At Bernie's (1989) Comedy
Two employees get an invitation to their boss's beach house only to find him dead upon their arrival. Not wanting to ruin a great weekend, the duo tries to pass him off as alive.
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:25Are you Richard out of luck for you? Yeah
00:00:30If you want to like the good feeling when you're under when you are
00:00:46Some like it
00:00:49Some like it
00:00:53Some never
00:00:55Oh, oh, oh, oh, so I'm never done
00:01:01If you're right
00:01:05Remember where you are
00:01:08Keep this good time
00:01:11Does this look like 10 or does this look like 1030 morning Richard? Good morning. You're a half-hour late on a half-hour
00:01:18Usually 45 minutes late. I'm early today
00:01:22See
00:01:25Oh
00:01:29You're gonna join me today or what honey
00:01:34Give me your money your wallet. I'll get your ass out of here. It's too hot
00:01:45Color me old-fashioned rich, but I just love the park on a Sunday a little bit more if we didn't have to work today
00:01:50Come on, let's go
00:01:55Oh
00:02:25I
00:02:35Enough for you Larry. No Harris. Why don't you turn up the heat? Okay. I'll tell the engineer
00:02:46Cheap bastards turn off the air conditioning on the weekends
00:02:55Oh
00:03:15Let's go to the beach no, we're gonna be here our whole lives. Yeah, I'm afraid so
00:03:26Oh
00:03:30We are not going to the beach
00:03:39Those beautiful replay
00:03:44Give me those papers
00:03:51You think it's safe to go in the water no better not
00:03:56You just ate you might get cramps
00:03:59I'll risk it
00:04:15There buddy sizzle sizzle sizzle as the big apple becomes the baked apple. Oh, you better believe these are the dog
00:04:21Christ will you shut that thing off?
00:04:24Before Labor Day weekend it's gonna be
00:04:32This sucks I am so unhappy
00:04:35We should be at a real beach. There are no more real beaches. I
00:04:39Mean we go to Jones Beach and float around in the hospital waste
00:04:43Again, Coney Island's always real nice. We could go there and watch the fish disintegrate in front of our eyes
00:04:49Wait a minute, wait a god damn hold the phone buddy. I got it. I got the two million dollars. Where your pages?
00:04:56Get your page. Oh my god. You are not gonna believe what you see
00:05:02Okay, page 28 28 28 20 20 20 right 27
00:05:08Got it. All right, you got it. I want you to turn to page 41 now
00:05:1241 41 41 I got 18
00:05:15Fine 18, okay. Yeah, you see it. I see you see it. I see it you see it
00:05:21What about it?
00:05:23You're such a stupid piece of ratchet
00:05:28I'm being barbecued here. All right. Okay. All right, buddy. I'm gonna explain it to you real slow
00:05:35Okay
00:05:35There was more than one chef issued on the same life insurance policy claim one in December of 87 another in April of 88 and two
00:05:42more in June
00:05:43Making any sense. Yeah, he died four times. Yes. Yes, according to this. He died four times. So somebody screwed up wasn't us
00:05:49Was it? No, no, it wasn't us. Don't you see don't you see we just uncovered a two million dollar error
00:05:55We're gonna be heroes. We're going up the corporate ladder. This is good for me. Yes. This is good for you
00:06:00I think it's good for me too. It's good
00:06:03First thing in the morning. What?
00:06:05Let me tell him I'll tell him we'll both tell him. Okay, buddy
00:06:13I
00:06:19What's your name
00:06:33Stop staring at it
00:06:35You haven't shut up about it for two months. Ask her out already. Will you no, I don't know
00:06:39She's a summer intern. She'll be gone in a week. No, I can't I have no idea what to say
00:06:43Say hi. I want to go out with you. I
00:06:45Can't say that why not
00:06:49Come on there's always too many people right? Excuse me, man
00:07:04Good weekend Bob
00:07:10You didn't say so
00:07:14You're blowing it shut
00:07:26Thank you
00:07:35Okay
00:07:37Drive witty say, do you know what look good on you?
00:07:41me
00:07:43Hey, no, please
00:07:45Richard that is a very good line enough. Look if I wanted to talk to her, I'll talk to okay. Talk. No, I don't
00:07:50Would you stop?
00:07:58She's me
00:08:08Mmm, my aunt is very sick
00:08:17What
00:08:24Um
00:08:26Now don't flagellate yourself over this Richard it was a very good effort hey, you'll get her next time
00:08:32Why don't I just say that Larry? I don't even have an end. So what?
00:08:37Anything going on?
00:08:39There are these messages and you're late for the creative sales meeting. Mr. Loma. Excuse us. Mr. Lomax. Let me get that sir. Oh
00:08:47Sammy Hank, how are you? Right Richard Richard Parker, sir, Larry Wilson. Well, whatever
00:08:51I'm sorry. I'm late for the creative sales meeting. Mr. Loma. Excuse us. Mr. Lomax. Let me get that sir
00:08:57There's nothing from a Doreen. I'm Martha Judy. No. No, that's our tough luck
00:09:02Excuse us. Mr. What? There's something
00:09:07It's Monday morning after lunch right quite a bit after lunch
00:09:26I
00:09:38Got it
00:09:46Rich
00:09:48Look at Lomax. Oh
00:09:52My god look at her
00:09:57That guy
00:09:59Beautiful apartment
00:10:01house at the beach babes a boat a car
00:10:05No much cost to park a car in Manhattan every month
00:10:09More than my rent. Well, I mean
00:10:11It's only fair his car is a bit bigger than your apartment
00:10:16So my apartment is small. It's dark. It's hot. It's in a high-crime area beats living at home with mom and dad
00:10:22All right enough enough just until I can afford something decent
00:10:25Something without wall-to-wall cockroaches
00:10:30All I got to do is just keep setting my goals and working hard and I'll be fine I
00:10:37I'm sorry. Go ahead. I hope your aunt feels better
00:10:46What she said I hope your aunt feels better my aunt
00:10:55I
00:11:05Lose again, I won lair. I have a date
00:11:11Kidding no, when and I Thursday night 8 p.m. Dinner fabulous
00:11:17It was the clumsy approach. It worked. You're gonna want to borrow my apartment. I
00:11:22Know but but thank you. That's sweet. I can't do that to you. Thank you
00:11:28Rich she finds out to live with your folks. You're gonna embarrass yourself. Yeah. Yeah, I know but I I can't do that to you Larry
00:11:38It's a cockroaches, isn't it? Well, they scatter when the lights go on
00:11:48I feel lucky
00:11:52No, no, I only want the Maserati if it comes in that jet black
00:11:58Look if you can't do it for me, I'll just have to take my business to another dealer
00:12:03Yeah, so paint it I mean how hard can this whole thing be right
00:12:10All right. You see that's better. See how easy it is to do business with me. Mm-hmm
00:12:15Yeah, no, no no trade strictly cash, right, all right good
00:12:31Gentlemen, what have you got for me?
00:12:34Richard
00:12:35Well as you may or may not know, mr. Lomax Larry and I have been
00:12:44I don't know
00:12:50But that thing moves back there Jesus
00:13:03You
00:13:06Gentlemen were saying yes. Well as you might have heard mr. Lomax
00:13:11Larry and I Larry and I have been reprogramming the accounts on the new computer system. Yeah, right. Thanks and
00:13:18Sorry, it's a very big job
00:13:21Big job. We've been working hard. It's a very big job. In fact, I've been out for quite some time now weekends
00:13:26Also weekends late. Well, why don't you show him? Well, thank you Larry
00:13:29Well, we've come up with something that we feel you have no other. Yes page 28 and 41 41 41
00:13:41You
00:13:45Sure these figures are accurate. Yes. Yes, sir. Mr. Lomax
00:13:54Bernie
00:14:00Call me Bernie. I mean my father is mr. Lomax, right?
00:14:12Oh
00:14:14Okay, Bernie, um, yes, yes, it's all there in black and white we both worked on this one burn
00:14:21II hmm burn II Bernie
00:14:26Papers right here, Bernie
00:14:30Anything has to go I'm glad it's my vision and not the old joystick, you know what I mean?
00:14:34That's
00:14:40Computer ink sir. Oh
00:14:46No, you're wrong look
00:14:49You see there are multiple checks issued because there were several policies written, huh?
00:14:53But you didn't take into consideration is that it's normal
00:14:56especially when using a fluctuating COL index to combine look here a
00:15:00Package containing both short-term and straight-life policies and an overall insurance portfolio. No, you're wasting my time
00:15:12Richard worked on that part, sir
00:15:15That that's true, mr
00:15:17Lowe Bernie, but if you were to look at the back page where the policy indexes are you'll notice that the remaining policies are
00:15:25Dated after the policyholder died
00:15:30You're
00:15:33Right
00:15:35You're absolutely correct gentlemen. This is good work. Very very good work. Thank you, Bernie. Thank you, Bernie
00:15:41I hate to say this but Bernie it appears as if somebody's trying to defraud the company
00:15:45Yep, perhaps we should check back records. Somebody tried to smoke it past the wrong guy
00:15:50No smoking
00:15:52Gentlemen, how long have you two been working here? Hmm 19 months and a week. I'm not really sure a little longer
00:15:58I think longer Laird. I was here before you know, Richard. I trained Larry. Trust me. I
00:16:08Don't know what I'm saying is that I think there's a big future here for a couple of bright fellas like yourselves
00:16:16But I would like to go over these numbers again with you just to make sure you know that you've gotten everything
00:16:20the only trouble is if
00:16:22Someone is trying to like you said smoke it pass
00:16:29There's no sense in sending up a bunch of red flags, is there absolutely not no if you would like we'll work late
00:16:34Yes, I mean we'll work weekends are very good for me. We can't
00:16:39Good idea. Give us plenty of time together. No distractions
00:16:43It is Labor Day. I
00:16:49Got an idea
00:16:53How would you two like to come to my house at the beach
00:16:59I
00:17:00Yeah, Hampton Island ever been there
00:17:03Well, you'll love it when we're not working. There are plenty of distractions. There are women swimming boating famous people
00:17:13Well, love to good it's settled
00:17:20Guarantee I'll have my secretary write down the directions for you. Give you the ferry schedule the ferry schedule
00:17:25Yeah, that's the only way to get there unless you do have your own boat. I don't know
00:17:29Never even been on a boat. I was once on the Staten Island Ferry with my father. Whatever kid whatever come out Friday night
00:17:35You're gonna have a great time. I guarantee it. I'll even drive you back to the city myself on Monday. Okay?
00:17:40We don't know what to say Bernie. Hey
00:17:43You don't have to say anything
00:17:45You two uncovered what I think you uncovered Oh
00:17:48Bernie heroes, you're both a great deal. I mean it. I mean it sincerely now get out
00:17:59He loves us the man absolutely loves us
00:18:06You have to kill them Vito
00:18:18Bernie
00:18:20Let me explain something to you
00:18:23We don't do that anymore
00:18:25We're a corporation now
00:18:27We're in the market we invest real estate car rentals
00:18:33parking lots parking lots
00:18:35Parking lots. It's good. I
00:18:38Mean, I understand that but didn't I order the walnut dressing? Yes, you did
00:18:43taste
00:18:45Does that taste anything like walnut dressing tell me this is the raspberry vinaigrette
00:18:52Should I have Paulie going to the ship?
00:18:57Yes
00:19:01Vito
00:19:05Excuse me Vito
00:19:08Vito I
00:19:15I know how important food is to you. I mean
00:19:19But we've got a problem here Bernie I give problems I don't get problems
00:19:28How do you propose to handle it
00:19:35Let's make it a murder-suicide job, all right
00:19:39Okay, gentlemen
00:19:40I'll plant some money fake a note and they can take the rap and I
00:19:44Mean, I won't even have to change the books
00:19:49What do you think
00:19:51I
00:19:55Like it it's creative
00:20:01Little rusty, but I'll come back to me
00:20:10Okay
00:20:14Do it. Oh, hey, this is good. I mean, this is really good. Good. Good. Good good
00:20:21I think we're gonna have some fun
00:20:28Right, I
00:20:29Have to get going. I better do what no dessert. They do a wonderful cream brulee here. It's delicious
00:20:36Oh, no, gentlemen, I really must be going. Thanks for dinner
00:20:51I
00:21:05Forget the accident with the two guys take care of Lomax
00:21:11It's getting too careless
00:21:14Too greedy
00:21:18Besides
00:21:21Screwing my girlfriend
00:21:26But you said we were gonna spend the weekend at the beach, you know, honey you heard the conversation
00:21:30I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do about it? I told Vito that I was gonna spend some time with my mother
00:21:37finey
00:21:38finey
00:21:40finey, finey, finey, finey, I
00:21:43Have to see you bunny
00:21:51What
00:21:53You are nine o'clock Friday night, I'll be at the apartment just use your key. All right
00:21:59I'll wear something special. I
00:22:02Bet you never had sweet sour mozzarellas before
00:22:04No
00:22:19We can still have this weekend together, right
00:22:31Is this the intimate evening I promised you or what
00:22:35Go where we can just sit and talk and and and not have to scream and get run over by garbage truck
00:22:48That that's a lot of hair, but it's clean I like that
00:22:56No, no, I can't blame you. I mean people want to live with their folks. Do you have any roommates?
00:23:01No, no, no, well, why don't we go to your place?
00:23:31Why are you tiptoeing
00:23:34Because
00:23:38Because the people who live downstairs they're very light sleepers
00:23:47Why are you whispering
00:23:51Am I
00:23:53I am um, that's because of the walls. They're too thin
00:23:58Make yourself at home
00:24:01Thank you
00:24:15Look at this teak
00:24:17I mean this whole apartment
00:24:19Sort of 60 style. Yeah, I know. I I've been meaning to redo that for years. No, I love it
00:24:26I mean, it's very hip. I
00:24:29Think you've done the place beautifully
00:24:31Well, I like it. It's it's it's home. Yeah, that's the side of you. I never would have expected
00:24:36I'm very impressed. Oh, yeah. Yeah
00:24:41About what? Oh
00:24:43Well, this apartment has got to be expensive. So obviously you could have taken me to some flash restaurant instead of that
00:24:51Is dump the words you're groping for
00:24:54You didn't like Jaime's
00:24:58It was great I loved it
00:25:00It's just that some men would try to impress women by by pretending to be something they're not I agree
00:25:06I agree. I absolutely agree. That's a terrible way to begin a relationship
00:25:09pretending to
00:25:10To be something you're not
00:25:13You don't have to answer this if you don't want to but how do you afford a place like this? Oh
00:25:19Oh
00:25:21Well, I I don't like to brag I just feel uncomfortable
00:25:26Showing off my money, but I I've made some wise investments. I dabble in the stock market. Of course my parents are
00:25:33We're uh, rather well off. Do you want to sit?
00:25:41They passed away hmm. Yes. I must have been young. Oh
00:25:47Oh, yeah
00:25:52Well, I I feel like I could trust you, um
00:25:56They were in a train accident
00:25:59Yeah, I mean, I I don't know what it was with trains, but they just always like to travel
00:26:04trains
00:26:06I'm sorry
00:26:08How awful for you? Yeah
00:26:10You know, I always thought trains were so much safer than the planes
00:26:15well
00:26:16actually a plane
00:26:19fell on the train
00:26:40Oh
00:27:10Oh
00:27:24Sorry, I didn't realize you had company good evening young lady that that's alright Monroe
00:27:33Yes, just will you please just go lay out my navy blue suit for the morning, please how about if I let you out
00:27:40very well
00:27:46You let your butler talk to you like that well, he's he's he's a vet he's he's got a steel plate in his head it's
00:27:54Gwen
00:28:10I
00:28:25Grab the bowline. Hey, how you doing? Hey, Mr. Lomax. There you go. My friend buy yourself a girlfriend
00:28:41A little bit later
00:28:46Yo Bernie the cocktail
00:29:10Oh
00:29:12Let me
00:29:36What the hell are you doing here I fired you last week just want my 90 bucks bullshit
00:29:40Drink all my liquor in the toilet still don't work
00:29:56I'm sorry
00:29:59It's a little bit
00:30:06Hello, hello, hello. Hey, hello max. It's Paulie. I just got to the island
00:30:11You're early those two little schmucks aren't coming until the six o'clock ferry and I still have to plant the note. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
00:30:16Yeah, yeah, so where's your house? It's on the point top of the dune
00:30:21Look Paulie
00:30:22Don't kill them while I'm around Bernie. We're on the phone here, right? You're right. Okay. I'm sorry
00:30:27Look, the point is I just want to be back in New York with an alibi. Okay? Yeah, don't worry about it
00:30:48Brett it's leaving. Come on Richard. I told you we should have taken a taxi from the station. It's another boat
00:30:53Come on
00:30:57I'm sorry. I'm sorry. How are you doing? We are not jumping on this boat. You hear me? Listen to me. We are not
00:31:08Right, he's a cake
00:31:16Larry this ferry isn't leaving it's docking. Okay, we're early you schmuck
00:31:27Oh
00:31:42What is your name
00:31:50I'm so depressed
00:31:52Made a fool out of myself last night. Of course you did read think I should have stayed home
00:31:56What are you talking about? It's someone to the mountaintop here. This is good for your career
00:32:01Yeah, you know by the time this weekend is over. I promise you won't even remember
00:32:05What's-her-name's name? I'll get you a drink. Come on
00:32:09Look, I'll see you later
00:32:26Ah
00:32:33Oh
00:32:35Boy I didn't hear you come in. I know
00:32:38I'm real good at that. I told you the guys aren't here yet. Didn't I? I did you got good good
00:32:43What a shack you got here. Well, it's it's home
00:32:47Can I have a cigarette?
00:32:49Hmm cigarette
00:32:52Sure, sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Ow, what was
00:33:11Quite a ride, huh burn
00:33:21I
00:33:40Got right here it says it's the last house on the point top over the dune
00:33:46Pardon me my senior sergeant. You tell me where the top of the dune is
00:33:50Bless you my son. Thank you father. Look we'll find it
00:33:55I
00:34:17Know is this pretty Lomax's house Wow
00:34:25Look at it
00:34:32You my god, he's got a pool he's got a goddamn pool at the beach it's heated I love this man
00:34:39Oh, this is inspiring. Look at this view. Huh? I am getting laid sure beats Coney Island
00:34:46What should we just walk in no, we'll stand out here on weekend. Come on
00:35:05Amazing
00:35:10I'm home
00:35:13Excellent admit it
00:35:16You're glad you came. Okay
00:35:19We got three days of this ahead of us. Oh, yeah, this is so I mean a place like this
00:35:24It must go for what no six million seven
00:35:27Unfurnished good god. That's a Lichtenstein. What where?
00:35:31Not the piano the painting. It's an original course it is
00:35:34Now all this could be yours lair if you set your goals and work hard my old man worked hard
00:35:39All they did was give him more work
00:35:47Hello
00:35:48No, I haven't seen him, but we just got here. We're gonna be here all weekend. We're houseguests
00:35:52Well, tell him Tony Barty's boat to go skiing. Hi, Tony. I'm horny
00:35:58Look don't forget to tell Bernie. Okay, okay
00:36:02Tony you wouldn't happen to know where Bernie is would you he's probably making the rounds everybody parties from house to house
00:36:08But they always end up here
00:36:11And you didn't want to come wrong I admit it I was wrong
00:36:16Oh
00:36:19God
00:36:21Nothing, but champagne and caviar Pierre duet. Huh? This guy is my idol
00:36:28Why not? We're houseguest Richard. Come on. You want some? No, no thing. This is straight. Where is our host?
00:36:35You're a tawny. He's out partying. Come on. Let's check out the rest of this joint, huh?
00:36:47I found it. Hmm. Mr. Lomax, Bernie. How you doing? Great place. Oh, we don't mind but we did we just walked in
00:36:54We didn't know that
00:36:56Bernie
00:37:00But
00:37:02Yeah
00:37:04Wow
00:37:05Not even dark out. He's out of his skull. Well, he's been working awfully hard, you know
00:37:10burn
00:37:12Mr. Lomax Bernie don't slap him. That's your boss
00:37:16I know
00:37:18He's meditating. No, he's not. He's like dead man. Come on. Yeah. Yeah, we'll get the blood
00:37:25Okay
00:37:46You can't just leave him like this, you know
00:37:58Get your hand off me Bernie
00:38:03I'll make the coffee
00:38:05Don't you worry, mr. Lomax, we'll make you some coffee fix you right up
00:38:12Tell you what, let's just uh, make you a little more comfy. That's better
00:38:18You're dropping things right out of your pocket here
00:38:20Larry!
00:38:22You wanna come in here for a minute, huh?
00:38:24Larry!
00:38:26You wanna come in here for a minute, huh?
00:38:28Larry!
00:38:30Larry!
00:38:32Larry!
00:38:34You wanna come in here for a minute, huh?
00:38:36Yeah, look, Rich is instant, okay?
00:38:38That's fine.
00:38:40Look what I found in his pocket
00:38:44Wow
00:38:46Jesus
00:38:48I never knew he was into the drug scene
00:38:52God, look how much is here
00:38:54This is not recreational, Rich
00:38:56This is a career
00:38:58This man needs some help, you know that?
00:39:00If he's not careful, he's gonna wake up one morning dead
00:39:02I watch 20-20, I know the statistics
00:39:04I read
00:39:08What?
00:39:10Larry Lomax is dead
00:39:18He can't be
00:39:32Why do these things always happen to me?
00:39:38What kind of a host invites you to his house for the weekend and dies on you?
00:39:44Why would he do this, huh?
00:39:46I mean, he had everything
00:39:48A house, cars, women
00:39:50This is tragic
00:39:54I don't understand why he couldn't wait until Monday to kill himself
00:39:56Look, we have to call the police, huh?
00:39:58I mean...
00:40:00And how am I gonna get back to the city?
00:40:02You promised me a ride
00:40:04Knock it off, Larry
00:40:06Who cares about a ride?
00:40:08We're talking death here
00:40:10I mean, this is just my luck
00:40:12I finally catch a break at the office
00:40:14Finally see some light at the end of the tunnel
00:40:16And wham! Gone!
00:40:18Wait a minute, wait a minute
00:40:20What am I gonna tell them, huh?
00:40:22I mean, they might think we had something to do with it
00:40:24You know, I told everyone at the office
00:40:26We were going out to Bernie's house for the weekend
00:40:28They were so jealous
00:40:30I mean, I loved it
00:40:32Now what am I gonna tell them?
00:40:34I don't know
00:40:38Bernie!
00:40:40You should have been on the court
00:40:42What a great day
00:40:44Where are you?
00:40:46Bernie!
00:40:48Bernie!
00:40:50Bernie!
00:40:52Bernie!
00:40:54Get off your ass, it's party time!
00:40:56You should have been out there
00:40:58Sailing with us today, Bernie
00:41:00The sun was fabulous, the wind was fabulous
00:41:02We had a great time
00:41:04Love you, darling, just love you
00:41:06You know, you could use a little sun
00:41:08We're going out again tomorrow if you wanna go
00:41:10Lie on the deck, catch those rays
00:41:12Don't worry, I'll help myself
00:41:14Um, he's dead
00:41:16He's dead
00:41:18That's the idea, isn't it?
00:41:20Cheers
00:41:24Hey, Bernie
00:41:30Hi, Bernie
00:41:34Hey, dude, you need to pump some iron
00:41:38So, Bernie, what about your Porsche?
00:41:40Have you had a chance to think about my offer?
00:41:42You know, 30,000's more than a decent price for that car
00:41:46Don't you just think about it
00:41:48Take your time, don't rush into anything
00:41:50See you later
00:41:56Excuse me
00:41:58Harvey, you promised me a review on the front page of the Sunday Times book section
00:42:00I know, Alice, but he won't bend on it
00:42:02He says there's no interest in the subject matter
00:42:04No interest in the subject matter
00:42:06Pardon me, what's the book about?
00:42:08Whether Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were secretly married
00:42:10Eyes, nose and breath
00:42:12How much of those?
00:42:14A little bit in there, a little lick there
00:42:16Do I need that much?
00:42:18Those people, where did all these people come from?
00:42:20Floating party, happens every weekend
00:42:22Would you like a drink?
00:42:24No, thanks
00:42:26Yeah, I'd love some champagne, thanks
00:42:28Hey, Bernie, what a radical party
00:42:30Gotta move your workouts late tomorrow afternoon, B
00:42:32Liza's man's over for the weekend
00:42:34And I had to give her your regular time
00:42:38Thanks, Klaus, I got it
00:42:40See you, Buck
00:42:42Ah
00:42:44Feels good, eh, Bern?
00:42:46You're really loose, never seen you this relaxed before
00:42:48Keep it up, huh?
00:42:50I gotta go, duty calls
00:42:52Hey, babe, kid hustle
00:42:54Hi, Bernie
00:42:56I hear you've got something for me
00:42:58A little present
00:43:00Playing games, are we?
00:43:04It's gotta be in here somewhere
00:43:08I think I found something
00:43:12Thanks a lot, Bernie
00:43:18Doesn't anyone realize he's dead?
00:43:24Okay, Bernie, I'm gonna shoot the wad
00:43:26I can't believe I'm doing this, I'm gonna go
00:43:28Forty thousand
00:43:30No? He'll be begging me
00:43:34We have to call the police
00:43:36Oh, hi
00:43:38Here
00:43:40You're the biggest producer
00:43:42Mm-hmm
00:43:44Love my record
00:43:52Hello, is this the police?
00:43:54Yes, what...
00:43:56Rich, I got an idea
00:43:58Now, I know it's gonna sound funny, but just hear me out
00:44:00No, Larry, why is the hair on the back of my neck
00:44:02Starting to stand up, huh?
00:44:04Okay, now, Richard, we could call the police, Rich
00:44:06We could do that, but you know where we'd be spending our weekend?
00:44:08At the goddamn hot police station answering questions
00:44:10We don't know the answers to
00:44:12Now, obviously, Bernie felt
00:44:14He owed us something here
00:44:16Some small little favor for discovering those mistakes
00:44:18At the company and everything
00:44:20I mean, that's why he invited us out here for the weekend in the first place
00:44:22It seems to me it would be almost disrespectful
00:44:24Not to grant him his final wish
00:44:26Now, all I'm saying is
00:44:28Why don't we just pretend he didn't die?
00:44:32Just for a bit
00:44:38Ha ha ha
00:44:40I don't believe I'm hearing this
00:44:42No, Rich, Richard, I love that man
00:44:44He loved me
00:44:46I know he loved you
00:44:48He'd want this
00:44:52I mean, Richard, he would really, really want this
00:44:58Yes, operator, can you give me the police, please?
00:45:00Thank you
00:45:02Incidentally, you're a disgusting human being
00:45:04Gwen
00:45:08Gwen
00:45:10Well, hello, Gwen
00:45:14At the bay police department
00:45:16Hello
00:45:18Hello
00:45:20It's amazing
00:45:22Hello, this is the police department
00:45:24I'll call the police
00:45:26No, you know, you were right
00:45:28Bernie would have wanted it this way
00:45:30No, Richard, I think we should call the police
00:45:32Larry, just give me ten minutes, okay?
00:45:34Okay
00:45:36Take 20
00:45:4445,000
00:45:46Plus free tennis lessons
00:45:48That's it, take it or leave it
00:45:50Bernie
00:45:52Bernie
00:45:54Is this guy a tough negotiator or what, huh?
00:45:56Keep the piece of shit
00:45:58Oh, what a bash
00:46:02Oh, Bernie, you animal
00:46:04You are insatiable
00:46:06You sway me, Bernie
00:46:08Bernie, Bernie, I've got to talk to you
00:46:10Uh, Bernie's a little wasted right now
00:46:12Hi
00:46:14Okay, okay, okay
00:46:16I can't blame you if you never want to speak to me again
00:46:18Actually, if I were you, I wouldn't want to speak to me either
00:46:20But I just want to tell you I am sorry
00:46:22For being such a jerk last night
00:46:24I don't know what to say
00:46:26I hope you can forgive me
00:46:32Well, it's kind of funny seeing your father
00:46:34In his underwear and everything
00:46:36So you do forgive me?
00:46:38No, but it was kind of funny
00:46:40I will never lie again
00:46:42Honest
00:46:46So what are you doing here?
00:46:48Well, Mr. Lomax invited me and my friends
00:46:50And I thought I'd come and see you
00:46:52So I came
00:46:54Well, Mr. Lomax invited me and my friend Larry
00:46:56For the weekend
00:46:58Oh, moving up in the company?
00:47:00Yeah
00:47:02I saw this great play
00:47:04Yeah, it's called...
00:47:06Yeah
00:47:08We're on your own for a minute here
00:47:10Great writer, William Garrison
00:47:14Well, hello
00:47:20I'm Larry
00:47:22Larry
00:47:24Okay
00:47:26Oh, by the way
00:47:28How's your aunt?
00:47:30Your aunt?
00:47:32Oh, she passed away
00:47:34Oh, sorry
00:47:36Oh, it's all right
00:47:38Didn't you say you'd be spending this weekend with your parents?
00:47:40Yes, I did. I am. They have a house here
00:47:42Great
00:47:44There's Bernie
00:47:46I want to thank him for my summer job
00:47:48I'll be right back
00:47:50What?
00:47:52Nothing
00:48:00Go see Bernie about it
00:48:02Go see Bernie
00:48:04Oh, Gwen! Gwen, darling!
00:48:06How are you?
00:48:08I've never told you
00:48:10I never liked the name Gwen
00:48:12To me, you'll always be Vanessa
00:48:14Her father and I
00:48:16We went to school together
00:48:18Her father and I
00:48:20We went to Harvard together
00:48:22You're probably right
00:48:24Oh, Bernie
00:48:26I don't understand why we have to move him, Red
00:48:28Oh, don't ask me any questions, Larry
00:48:30Just move him
00:48:32I can't believe I'm touching a dead body
00:48:34Come on
00:48:36Let's go
00:48:38I want to get her up
00:48:40Oh, Bernie
00:48:42Come on, you had too much again
00:48:44You big knucklehead
00:48:46Come on
00:48:48Here we go
00:48:50Walk it off, big guys
00:48:52Nice outfit
00:48:54Look even nicer
00:48:56Crumpled up on my floor in the morning
00:48:58Polyester doesn't crumple
00:49:04Here we go
00:49:06Hey, Bernie
00:49:08Just like last week
00:49:10Bernie
00:49:12Bernie
00:49:14Look me in the eyes
00:49:1650,000
00:49:18Yes, yes, yes
00:49:20I know it! Thank you, Bernie
00:49:22Thank you so much
00:49:24This guy's like family
00:49:26You're beautiful
00:49:28Larry, Larry, Larry
00:49:30Bernie
00:49:32Jesus
00:49:34Hi, boys
00:49:36Great view
00:49:38Hello there, how are you?
00:49:40I give it an 8.3
00:49:42I give it an 8.3
00:49:44Larry, we can't just leave him there, you know
00:49:56Girl, beach
00:49:58Sand, surf, moonlight
00:50:00You ever see Here to Eternity, Rich?
00:50:06You're right
00:50:08We'd better get him
00:50:1030 minutes, then we call the cops
00:50:12Not a second more
00:50:16Ladies, how are you?
00:50:28Hi
00:50:30Hi
00:50:40Are we allowed to talk or anything?
00:50:48Why'd you leave the party?
00:50:50I just don't feel comfortable
00:50:52With most of those people
00:50:54I don't really know any of those people
00:50:56I just know new, no
00:50:58Besides, I figure I could thank Bernie tomorrow
00:51:00You know, there's more privacy
00:51:02Uh-huh
00:51:04Where are we going?
00:51:06There's a beautiful view from up there
00:51:08Oh, great
00:51:18Ever been in a lighthouse before?
00:51:20No, this is my first time
00:51:22This is great
00:51:24So does anybody live up there, like a
00:51:26A lighthouse keeper?
00:51:28No, it's all automated now
00:51:30Come on
00:51:34That kind of takes some of the romance out of it
00:51:38Does it?
00:51:42Come on
00:51:56You all right?
00:51:58Oh, yeah
00:52:04You're right, this is beautiful
00:52:08My God, you can see the whole island from up here
00:52:14You know
00:52:16I've always wondered how these things work
00:52:18Richard, don't
00:52:20I can't see!
00:52:22Watch out for the trap!
00:52:26Door!
00:52:32Oh, my God
00:52:42That one works
00:52:44Richard, are you okay?
00:52:46Oh, fine, yeah, I fell down a couple of stairs
00:52:48Anything broken?
00:52:50No, no, nothing's broken
00:52:52No, a little pain, but I'm all right
00:52:54How are you?
00:52:56I'm good, here, hold on
00:52:58The good news is I can see again
00:53:06I'm so sorry, Richard
00:53:08No, no, it's okay, really
00:53:10I've always wanted a limp
00:53:12I must thank you, this has been a great date
00:53:14I hope my major medical covers it
00:53:16What?
00:53:18I'm sorry
00:53:20I don't mean to laugh
00:53:22Put the look on your face
00:53:24This really hurts when you're like
00:53:26I think I'm going to crack
00:53:28Do you want to sit down?
00:53:30No, no, I better not
00:53:32The way things are going
00:53:34I'm going to break my ass
00:53:36You'll be okay
00:53:38Okay
00:53:52Come on
00:54:06I've had a crush on you
00:54:08Since the first day I saw you at Merco
00:54:10I'm crazy about you
00:54:14This is so right
00:54:18Oh, my God, this can't be happening to me
00:54:20It's happening to both of us
00:54:22You're right, it's all right
00:54:24No, no, this isn't right, it's all wrong
00:54:26I'm not here in the sand
00:54:28You deserve more than this
00:54:30You need music, you need flowers, you need candles
00:54:32You need
00:54:36You need to get out of here
00:54:38Are you kidding me?
00:54:40Oh, no, I'm very serious, you could catch a cold
00:54:42Where do you live?
00:54:44Dune Walk
00:54:50Larry!
00:54:52Larry!
00:54:54Oh, my God, are you dead, too?
00:54:56Mister?
00:54:58Hello?
00:55:00Oh, Jesus, what is it with this place?
00:55:02Larry!
00:55:04Hello?
00:55:06Hey, how are you? Party's over, you got to go home now
00:55:08Where's Bernie?
00:55:10Oh, he's swimming now
00:55:12I had a wonderful time, I'm sorry I'm late so early
00:55:14Have fun, see you at the next one
00:55:16Larry!
00:55:18Larry!
00:55:26Larry, Larry, are you in there?
00:55:28Come on out, Larry, right now
00:55:30Go away
00:55:32I need to talk to you
00:55:36Can you just give me 30 seconds?
00:55:38Bernie is waiting for us
00:55:42Look, Bernie isn't going anywhere, all right?
00:55:44I need you, Larry
00:55:46Bernie, he needs you, too
00:55:50How am I supposed to know that the tide is going to come up that high?
00:55:52I don't want to talk about it, Larry
00:55:54I don't understand why this is becoming all my fault
00:55:56Bernie!
00:55:58Did you invite somebody over?
00:56:00Of course not
00:56:02Well, somebody's here
00:56:04Just shove him in the bed and we'll say he's sleeping
00:56:06Bernie!
00:56:08You cheat!
00:56:10You liar!
00:56:12You cheat!
00:56:14You liar!
00:56:22Bernie, open up!
00:56:28Don't do this to me!
00:56:30Bernie!
00:56:32Bernie!
00:56:36Where the hell are you, you son of a bitch?
00:56:38I got you now, you two-timing bastard
00:56:42Who the hell are you?
00:56:44Where's Bernie?
00:56:46We're Bernie's houseguests, who are you?
00:56:48I'm his woman
00:56:50And I'll kill him if he's cheating on me
00:56:52Now, where the hell is he?
00:56:54And don't try to cover up for him, either
00:56:56He's not here
00:56:58I haven't seen him
00:57:00I don't believe you
00:57:02I'm going to tear this place apart
00:57:04Oh
00:57:10That's his woman?
00:57:12I guess so
00:57:24Where the hell is he?
00:57:26He's in the bedroom
00:57:28Is that so?
00:57:30Well, he better be alone
00:57:35God damn it!
00:57:37Fun while it lasted, huh?
00:57:39Look, what difference does it make, Leia?
00:57:41We might as well get this over with
00:57:43You know, this is good
00:57:45She discovers the body, she calls the police, huh?
00:57:47Fix me a drink, will you?
00:57:49Oh, I hate it when they scream
00:58:05God!
00:58:31Well, what gives?
00:58:33I don't care what
00:58:35Ten, fifteen minutes?
00:58:37I don't get it
00:59:04Hmm
00:59:08Got a little scotch?
00:59:12Sure
00:59:25Did everything go okay up there?
00:59:27Never been better
00:59:34All good
00:59:46How do you like that?
00:59:48Guy gets laid more dead than I do alive
00:59:51No, she couldn't have
00:59:54He couldn't have
00:59:56I get yelled at when I just lay there
01:00:03Da-da-da-da-do-da-do
01:00:23Vito, I'm telling you, Lomax is alive
01:00:25She was with him for at least a half an hour
01:00:27In the bedroom
01:00:29Bedroom? What are they doing in the bedroom?
01:00:31I'd rather not say
01:00:33What the hell happened to Paulie?
01:00:35Yeah, yeah, maybe Paulie is rustlier than we thought, huh?
01:00:39Well, what a night
01:00:42Great, isn't it?
01:00:44It isn't over yet
01:00:46Oh, it is for me, I'm dead
01:00:48No offense, Vernon
01:00:50I just gotta lie down for a minute
01:00:52Suit yourself, Richard, whatever you like
01:00:54I'm going on to find the next party
01:00:56Okay, but just wake me up when you get back
01:00:58Okay, sure, whatever you like, buddy
01:01:00Oh, because I gotta call the cops
01:01:02Of course you do, in the morning
01:01:04Have a clear head
01:01:06Okay, good night, buddy
01:01:08Don't forget to wake me up
01:01:20I made these a little sweeter this time, okay, Bernie?
01:01:24God, it's glorious out, huh?
01:01:27Here we go, my friend
01:01:30This should do it
01:01:33Okay, how'd you do it?
01:01:37Ooh, oriental
01:01:39Ouch, I think I own that one
01:01:41With hotel
01:01:44Ooh, 550
01:01:46Give me six, we'll call it square
01:01:48Hey, Bernie, Larry
01:01:50Great party last night, Bernie, your best ever
01:01:53Ladies, hello, how are you today?
01:01:55Great, are we doing it again today?
01:01:57Oh, absolutely, you know we are
01:01:59Great, we'll see you later, guys
01:02:01Bye-bye
01:02:02Bye-bye, ladies, we'll see you later
01:02:05God, is this great or what?
01:02:09Okay, coming out, my turn
01:02:11Shooter now
01:02:13Yes, parking 500 for me
01:02:18I don't know what I'm supposed to do
01:02:22What am I supposed to do?
01:02:29I own it
01:02:31Okay, that is 24, I own them all
01:02:34$46, my friend, call it 50
01:02:36Thank you, my turn
01:02:38Here we go, lucky seven
01:02:40Coming out, check
01:02:43Before you get out of jail, Frank
01:02:45All right, fine, your turn, I'll roll
01:02:47Here we go, coming out
01:02:49Ah, community chest
01:02:53Second prize in a beauty contest
01:02:56What are you doing?
01:02:57Hey, play Monopoly, you want to play?
01:02:59No
01:03:00Here we go
01:03:02How did he get down here?
01:03:03He walked, take a morning
01:03:05Oh, God, you are just a sick man, Larry
01:03:09What time is it?
01:03:11It's 11.30
01:03:1311.30?
01:03:15You let me sleep till 11.30, I have...
01:03:19When did you get a Rolex?
01:03:21Oh, this
01:03:24Good God
01:03:26He didn't need it anymore
01:03:27That's it, that's it, we're going to go to jail
01:03:30They're going to arrest us, I'm calling the cops
01:03:32You know, I wanted to call them yesterday, my friend
01:03:35He's very upset
01:03:37Richard, look, we need to say one thing here
01:03:39Richard, there is no reason to get pissy about this
01:03:45Hello? Hello? Richard?
01:03:49Oh, it's for you
01:03:51Gwen
01:03:52Hi
01:03:54What are you doing here?
01:03:59I just came by to talk to Bernie
01:04:00I didn't get a chance to last night, so...
01:04:02Oh, no, you don't
01:04:03Bernie and I are in a very big business meeting
01:04:05Now?
01:04:06Yes, Bernie has such little time
01:04:08So, can you come back later?
01:04:10Wait a minute, wait a minute
01:04:11What happened to Mr. Romantic?
01:04:12I mean, candlelight, flowers
01:04:14Yeah, yeah, I know
01:04:15But Bernie is tied up right now
01:04:19It's a bad time
01:04:20What's going on, Richard?
01:04:22I'll tell you
01:04:23I probably shouldn't, I know I shouldn't
01:04:25But at this point, why not?
01:04:28Mr. Lomax is...
01:04:33Mr. Lomax is...
01:04:38My boss
01:04:39You know, I work for him at the insurance company, anyway
01:04:44Oh, Bernie, you're starting to peel
01:04:46I'm going to get you out of the sun, huh?
01:04:49Here we go
01:04:57And we were really looking forward to coming out here and all
01:04:59And, well, when we got here, Mr. Lomax...
01:05:02Bernie was...
01:05:06Dead
01:05:09Dead?
01:05:10Like you said, your mother and father were dead
01:05:12And your aunt, she's dead, too, right?
01:05:14No, no, different kind of dead
01:05:16Different kind of dead
01:05:30You son of a bitch, I've got you now
01:05:33I've got you now
01:05:35I've got you
01:05:38Then how come I saw Bernie with you and your friend at the party?
01:05:43Because the...
01:05:46You don't believe me?
01:05:49Okay, I'm going to prove it to you, come on
01:05:51Richard...
01:05:52This is not going to be fun
01:06:06I know you think I'm crazy, but...
01:06:13Well?
01:06:16Where's Bernie?
01:06:18Oh, hello!
01:06:19Bernie, where's Bernie?
01:06:21He went for more daiquiri mix
01:06:22No, he didn't! No, he didn't
01:06:24You know, Richard, I don't know what this game is you're playing
01:06:27But this is ridiculous
01:06:29I'm out of here
01:06:30Quit, quit, I'm not playing any games with you
01:06:31No, no!
01:06:32I'm telling you the truth, Bernie's here
01:06:35Where is Bernie, hmm?
01:06:37What, you bastard, did you do with Bernie?
01:06:39What did you do with Bernie?
01:06:45I'm phoning the police
01:06:53There's no dial tone
01:06:5597 buttons, I don't...
01:06:56Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
01:06:57Oh, great, great, I can't get this thing to stop
01:07:00Is the off button here?
01:07:01Good point
01:07:02Okay, okay, I just...
01:07:03Don't kill them while I'm around
01:07:04Bernie, we're on the phone here
01:07:06You're right, you're right
01:07:08I just got it stuck, man
01:07:14Hey, hello, Max, it's Paulie
01:07:16I just got to the island
01:07:18You're early
01:07:19Those two little schmucks aren't coming until the 6 o'clock ferry
01:07:21And I still have to plant the note
01:07:23Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
01:07:24So where's your house?
01:07:26It's on the point, top of the dune
01:07:28Look, Paulie, don't kill them while I'm around
01:07:31Bernie, we're on the phone here
01:07:33You're right, you're right, okay, I'm sorry
01:07:35Look, the point is, I just want to be back in New York with an alibi, okay?
01:07:38Yeah, don't worry about it
01:07:44We were on the 6 o'clock ferry
01:07:48And we're two schmucks
01:07:53Kill us
01:07:54Oh, Max, Bernie is going to have us killed?
01:08:01Kill us
01:08:03Why?
01:08:04I don't know
01:08:05I...
01:08:08Unless, unless he's the one who's been stealing from the company
01:08:12Son of a bitch, he's going to kill me
01:08:16I like the guy
01:08:18Okay, okay, he said something about a note, right?
01:08:22I know, Richard
01:08:24Well, let's find it
01:08:35Fuckers
01:08:42Bernie, you lying swine
01:08:51Holy crap
01:08:53What?
01:08:56Larry?
01:09:04Here's a hundred thousand dollars, here, easy
01:09:06It's the note
01:09:07Listen, Richard Parker and I stole this money from the company
01:09:13To pay for my sex change operation
01:09:15What?
01:09:16That's what it says
01:09:18Now he tells me he loves someone else
01:09:20I can't live with that, and neither will he
01:09:24It's got my name on it
01:09:28Oh, God
01:09:31Son of a bitch
01:09:32I mean, it's not bad enough he's trying to kill me
01:09:34Now he's turning me into a drag queen
01:09:37Why couldn't he say you were going to have a sex change operation?
01:09:40Larry, it doesn't matter
01:09:41No, it does matter, Richard, it does matter
01:09:42I have a reputation to protect here
01:09:44For Christ's sakes, Larry
01:09:46No one is going to have a sex change operation
01:09:51Oh, yeah
01:09:53I'm going to call the cops
01:09:56Operator
01:09:57Yeah, operator, the police, please
01:09:59You mean Ed?
01:10:00He's out on the beach somewhere
01:10:02Well, when do you expect Ed back?
01:10:04Because it's a bit of an emergency
01:10:06I don't know
01:10:07Want to leave a message?
01:10:09Yeah, help
01:10:10Let's get out of here
01:10:15What we have to do is
01:10:16We have to get off this island
01:10:17And maybe not get killed doing it
01:10:18Wait a minute
01:10:19Wait a minute
01:10:20Tell me you have an idea
01:10:21Tell me you have a brilliant idea
01:10:23I have an idea
01:10:24What is it?
01:10:25Lomax told whoever he's talking to
01:10:27Not to kill us if he's around, right?
01:10:28Yeah, yeah, but Lomax is dead
01:10:29He's not around anybody anymore
01:10:31Yeah, I know that
01:10:33You know that
01:10:35Nobody else knows that
01:10:37Oh!
01:10:38Where's Bernie?
01:10:41Right there
01:10:43There's no Bernie
01:10:46It's got to be Rich
01:10:47I dumped him here myself
01:10:48Well, where is he?
01:10:50Larry?
01:10:56Excuse me
01:10:57Hey, kid
01:10:58Hey, what are you doing?
01:10:59What do you want?
01:11:00Hey, you little brat
01:11:01What are you doing?
01:11:02What are you doing?
01:11:03Hey, get out of there, kid
01:11:04What the hell are you doing?
01:11:05You can't beat it, you little
01:11:06This is private property
01:11:07Hey, you
01:11:08You talking to me?
01:11:09Yeah
01:11:10Well, shut up
01:11:11Who are you talking to?
01:11:12You lousy
01:11:14You better be gone
01:11:15By the time we get there, hey
01:11:16Hey, you little scram
01:11:17Get out of here
01:11:18You little bastard
01:11:20How'd you like to kiss this?
01:11:23Kiss my ass
01:11:24What kind of home training is that?
01:11:26He buried all of Bernie
01:11:28Jesus
01:11:29Come on
01:11:33Jesus
01:11:35Come on
01:11:50Good thing for you you're dead, pal
01:11:52I actually felt sorry for you, you rat shit
01:11:54It looks good enough
01:11:55Let's go
01:11:56Uh-oh
01:11:57Larry
01:11:58What?
01:12:00Jesus
01:12:01I never knew he wore a toupee
01:12:03How do you like that?
01:12:04You can hardly tell
01:12:05Who cares?
01:12:06Who cares?
01:12:07What are we gonna do about it?
01:12:08We can't take him out like this
01:12:09Killer might not know it's Bernie and shoot us
01:12:15So long, Larry
01:12:16It's been fun, but not really
01:12:17Goodbye, Rich
01:12:25Hail Mary, full of grace
01:12:27The Lord is
01:12:29Jesus
01:12:30Hail Mary, full of grace
01:12:32The Lord is
01:12:40You little bastard
01:12:43Get back here, you little monster
01:12:45Never mind him
01:12:46I am gonna rip your gums out
01:12:47I am gonna get that little kid
01:12:49What are we gonna do with Bernie?
01:12:52Ha!
01:12:54Oh, boy
01:12:57Come on, Bernie
01:12:59Up, up
01:13:03Put it on
01:13:04Put it on
01:13:05Huh?
01:13:06Oh
01:13:07Brilliant
01:13:12Some book on Iraq
01:13:13Yes, sir
01:13:17Mingi
01:13:22Okay
01:13:23All right
01:13:24Here we go
01:13:25Ready?
01:13:26Up
01:13:27Okay
01:13:28Okay
01:13:29You take him down, I'll get the cart
01:13:30Right
01:13:31Okay
01:13:50Hey, Bernie
01:13:51Bernie
01:13:52Hey
01:13:54Bernie, wait a minute
01:13:55What's he talking about?
01:13:56Who cares? Let's get out of here
01:13:57Bernie, please
01:13:58I'm talking to you
01:13:59Bernie
01:14:01Bernie, come on
01:14:05Hey, Bernie
01:14:06Looking good
01:14:07Hi
01:14:08Hi, Bernie
01:14:09Hello
01:14:11Great party last night, Bernie
01:14:12How are you?
01:14:14Hey
01:14:15Bernie, I've got to talk to you
01:14:17Jesus, he's behind us
01:14:20Shit
01:14:21Is that the killer?
01:14:22How do I know, Richard?
01:14:23Should I stop and ask him?
01:14:24No, just drive
01:14:25Just go
01:14:26Bernie, I've got to talk to you
01:14:28Doesn't this thing go any faster?
01:14:30This is it
01:14:31We've got to talk
01:14:34Bernie
01:14:36What about our arrangement?
01:14:37Come on, man
01:14:38Move it, move it, move it
01:14:39We are
01:14:48Hey, Bernie
01:14:49The Maserati
01:14:50I painted it black for you
01:14:51Bernie
01:14:52The Maserati
01:15:01Bernie
01:15:02He's going to leave
01:15:03Hold it
01:15:04We're going to get him
01:15:05Stop this
01:15:08Let's go
01:15:09Rich, Rich, Rich
01:15:10Rich, Rich
01:15:11Gravel
01:15:12Gravel
01:15:13Wait, wait, wait, wait
01:15:14We can't just drag him in
01:15:15He's got to look like he's alive
01:15:17Okay, okay
01:15:20Idea
01:15:27Okay
01:15:30Okay, your right leg
01:15:31Are you ready?
01:15:32Here we go
01:15:33One, two, three, go
01:15:34Hold the boat
01:15:35You got it?
01:15:36Hold the boat
01:15:37Hold the boat
01:15:38Hold that boat
01:15:39Hold that boat
01:15:40Bye, Bert
01:15:41Come on
01:15:42Hold it
01:15:43Hi, Bert
01:15:44How are you doing?
01:15:45Hold the boat
01:15:46Hold that boat
01:15:47Hold the boat
01:15:48Hold the boat, please
01:15:49Hold on, we'll be right there
01:15:53One more coming
01:15:57Hold the boat
01:15:59Here we go
01:16:00Hold that
01:16:01Come on, Bert
01:16:04Hold it, hold it
01:16:05Hold the boat
01:16:07Shit
01:16:10Stop the boat
01:16:12Stop the boat
01:16:13Look at this fool
01:16:14He wants to get off
01:16:15We want to get on
01:16:16I'm going to kill you
01:16:17What?
01:16:18That's right
01:16:19The good news is
01:16:20You don't have to worry about
01:16:21Anybody else murdering you
01:16:22Because I'm going to do it
01:16:23This was all your fault
01:16:24Now we're going to die
01:16:25On this crummy island
01:16:26Let me remind you something, pal
01:16:27You did all the extra work
01:16:28In the goddamn computer
01:16:29Schmuck!
01:16:30If it wasn't for me
01:16:31You'd be fired six months ago
01:16:32You don't even know how to
01:16:33Work with a copy machine
01:16:34Come on, Larry
01:16:35A little brown-nosing
01:16:36A little ass-kissing
01:16:37Work our way up that corporate ladder
01:16:38Why can't you be a lazy shit
01:16:39Like I am?
01:16:40Look, somebody
01:16:41Somebody's talking
01:16:42A captain
01:16:43Well
01:16:44Okay
01:16:45Let's go
01:16:46I'm sorry
01:16:47Okay
01:16:48Please, don't
01:16:49Please
01:16:50Stop eating his test
01:16:51Put that under water
01:16:52Somebody's talking
01:16:53A captain
01:16:54Hey, I'm sorry
01:16:55But we're still going to die
01:16:56As long as Bernie's with us
01:16:57Well, great
01:16:58I hope the killer
01:16:59Keeps that in mind
01:17:00Larry, please tell me
01:17:01How we're going to get off
01:17:02This island
01:17:05We got a boat
01:17:06What boat?
01:17:07Lomax's boat
01:17:08Tony brought the keys back
01:17:09Remember?
01:17:10Right, okay, okay
01:17:11You go back to the house
01:17:12And get them
01:17:13I'll stay here with Bernie
01:17:14I ain't going anywhere
01:17:15Without Bernie
01:17:16You go back
01:17:17You get the keys
01:17:18I'll stay with Bernie
01:17:19Okay, we'll all go back
01:17:20To the house
01:17:21We'll all get the goddamn keys
01:17:22We'll all stay with Bernie
01:17:23Fine
01:17:24Hurry up
01:17:25Hurry up
01:17:26Do it, do it
01:17:27Move it, move it
01:17:28Okay
01:17:29Hold it, hold it
01:17:30Hold on, hold on
01:17:31Okay
01:17:32Get the keys
01:17:33Yeah
01:17:34Anyway
01:17:35Got it
01:17:36Let's go
01:17:37Oh my God, Richard
01:17:38Oh my God
01:17:39Oh my God
01:17:40It's the killer
01:17:41It's the killer
01:17:42Shit
01:17:43Get the door
01:17:44Yeah, door
01:17:45Shh, shh, shh
01:17:46Quietly, quietly
01:17:47Quietly
01:17:48Lock it
01:17:49I can't lock it
01:17:50You need a key
01:17:51All I got is a key for the boat
01:17:52Okay, just
01:17:53Just
01:17:55No, no, no
01:17:56No, no, no
01:17:57Back, back
01:17:58Okay, okay
01:17:59Okay
01:18:00Okay
01:18:01Okay
01:18:02Okay
01:18:03Don't bend
01:18:04Don't bend
01:18:05Okay
01:18:06Shit, shit
01:18:07Do something, Rich
01:18:08Do something
01:18:09Okay, okay
01:18:10I got Bernie
01:18:11You get the guy
01:18:12Okay
01:18:13Okay
01:18:14Do something, Rich
01:18:15Okay
01:18:16Get him, Rich
01:18:17Okay
01:18:20You in here, Lomax?
01:18:22You little bastard
01:18:23You jerk
01:18:27Kicked me in the ass
01:18:30It's my turn now
01:18:35Got him, Laird
01:18:43There's another one
01:18:44There's another one
01:18:52He's got a knife
01:18:56Mr. Lomax
01:18:58What the hell?
01:19:06You can come out now, Rambo
01:19:07You sure, Rich?
01:19:10Good job
01:19:15Two killers
01:19:16Hey, anybody could be the killer
01:19:17Jesus, we gotta get rid of them
01:19:18Yeah, yeah
01:19:19Let's shove them in the kitchen pantry
01:19:27I don't know why
01:19:28I have to carry the heavy guy, Richard
01:19:31Okay
01:19:32Got him?
01:19:33Yeah
01:19:34Get inside
01:19:35Hey, hey, hey
01:19:36Let me out
01:19:38Okay
01:19:45There goes Bernie
01:19:51There he is, stop
01:19:54Okay
01:19:55Hi, guys
01:19:56Hi
01:19:57All right
01:19:58Okay, ready?
01:19:59On three, here we go
01:20:00One, two, three
01:20:03Okay, got him
01:20:04Let's go
01:20:10Okay, untie us
01:20:14Okay
01:20:16Give me the keys, Richard
01:20:17You ever driven a boat before, Laird?
01:20:19I was born on a boat
01:20:25Okay
01:20:28This is a fancy boat
01:20:32Okay
01:20:33All right
01:20:34Push something
01:20:35I am, Richard
01:20:36Nothing's happening, push something else
01:20:37I know, I know
01:20:38Something's happening
01:20:39I hear something
01:20:40Something's definitely happening here, huh?
01:20:42Oh, wait a minute, hold on, hold on
01:20:43Hold on
01:20:44Are you trying to give me a heart attack?
01:20:45Okay
01:20:46Okay
01:20:47All right, all right
01:20:48I know it's here
01:20:49All right, just keep pressing those buttons
01:20:50I'm pressing the buttons
01:20:51I'm pressing the buttons
01:20:52Richard, I pressed that button
01:20:53Okay
01:20:54I know that, Richard
01:20:55Did you try the key?
01:20:56Of course, don't insult my intelligence
01:20:57I tried the key
01:20:58Try the key again
01:20:59Fine
01:21:00See that?
01:21:01Okay, here we go
01:21:02Give it some gas now
01:21:03Giving it gas
01:21:06Gas
01:21:07Gas
01:21:08Nothing's happening
01:21:09More gas
01:21:10More gas
01:21:11Come on, a little more gas
01:21:12A little more gas
01:21:13We're not moving
01:21:14Why aren't we moving?
01:21:15I don't know
01:21:16That's it, that's all we got
01:21:17Larry, you said you've done this before
01:21:18It's different to my boat, okay?
01:21:23Yeah
01:21:24Don't bend, don't bend
01:21:25I know
01:21:26Stop the boat, Larry
01:21:28Oh, stop
01:21:31Hey, what are you doing?
01:21:32Hey, wait, wait
01:21:33Whoa
01:21:37We got it, we got it
01:21:38What's going on?
01:21:39That's illegal
01:21:40What you're doing is illegal
01:21:42Hey, you have a nice day now, okay
01:21:44Are you nuts?
01:21:47Here, we got it now
01:21:48Here we go, move it forward
01:21:49Hold on
01:21:50Oh, shoot
01:21:53Hey
01:21:54Larry, Larry
01:21:56Larry
01:21:57Sorry, Rich
01:21:58Coming back
01:22:01Coming around
01:22:04Why is this happening to me?
01:22:06Coming back
01:22:10Here we are
01:22:11Stop the boat
01:22:12Idiot
01:22:13Stop the boat
01:22:16Where?
01:22:17Where are the brakes?
01:22:18Boats don't have brakes, Captain
01:22:20You're kidding
01:22:22How do they stop?
01:22:23Throw the anchor
01:22:24Huh?
01:22:25The anchor, throw it
01:22:26They're headed for it
01:22:27Here we go
01:22:28Whatever you're doing, stop
01:22:32Sorry
01:22:33Sorry
01:22:39You broke my watch
01:22:40You broke my watch, man
01:22:43Mine still works
01:22:44You better put that thing back on the dead body
01:22:46Drive the boat, Richard
01:22:48Cops are going to take our fat heads to jail
01:22:52My God, look at that
01:22:54Ladies, how are you?
01:22:56Hello, bae
01:22:59God, just once I'd like a woman like that
01:23:03Hi
01:23:10Turn the boat, turn the boat
01:23:15Watch the fishermen, fishermen
01:23:17Fishermen down
01:23:24Watch the wake
01:23:26Watch the wake, Richard
01:23:34This is tougher than it looks
01:23:36You're doing very well, Richard
01:23:38Sorry I snapped at you
01:23:40No, it's okay
01:23:41I mean, I've never been chased by a killer before, you know
01:23:43No, it's all right, you're doing very well
01:23:47Why is everybody waving at us?
01:23:49I'm popular
01:23:50I see
01:23:51Hey, Bernie, you going off again?
01:23:56Oh, God
01:23:58What the hell are those things?
01:24:00Those are obviously channel markers, Richard
01:24:03Oh, obviously
01:24:04Yeah
01:24:05Okay, wise-ass, do you know what side I'm supposed to pass on?
01:24:07That I don't know, just stay close
01:24:09What else could happen here?
01:24:10Oh, I've got no idea
01:24:12Serpentine
01:24:14Is that close enough?
01:24:19Did you hear something?
01:24:20Uh-uh
01:24:24There it is again
01:24:25Yeah
01:24:26I wonder what it is
01:24:27I don't know
01:24:28There it is again
01:24:29Yeah
01:24:30I wonder what that is
01:24:31What is that?
01:24:38Fan overboard
01:24:39What?
01:24:40Stop the boat
01:24:41Oh, Bernie
01:24:44He's got nice form
01:24:50I don't know
01:24:51I'm trying to drive a boat
01:24:52You're doing well
01:24:53I'm trying to get us off this island of hell
01:24:55You had maybe one job to do
01:24:57Stop arguing about it
01:24:58Richard, please
01:24:59Jesus
01:25:00Stop arguing
01:25:01All right, bring him
01:25:02You were the one who tied him up
01:25:03Don't bring this one on me
01:25:04Oh, my God
01:25:05What?
01:25:06What?
01:25:07You lost my sunglasses
01:25:11Oh, my God
01:25:17The end
01:25:24Oh
01:25:27What are you doing?
01:25:30I haven't got a clue
01:25:33I don't believe this
01:25:35What?
01:25:36Blair
01:25:38We're out of gas
01:25:42Paddling
01:25:43In the Atlantic Ocean
01:25:45On a dead body
01:25:46Rich, I'm getting swimmer's ear
01:25:47This is now the perfect weekend
01:25:50It started when I almost broke my leg
01:25:52Jumping on a moving ferry
01:25:54I get to this beautiful beach
01:25:56And my host
01:25:57Sorry, he's dead
01:26:01Where's it?
01:26:02Oh, Hampton Island
01:26:06Checkers
01:26:07Excuse me, sir
01:26:08Is this your launch?
01:26:09Come on, come on
01:26:10Let's go, let's go
01:26:14Come on, come on
01:26:15You put a little snap in it, huh, fellas?
01:26:17Hey, Cappy
01:26:20All right
01:26:21Whoa
01:26:24Hold on
01:26:26I fell down a lighthouse
01:26:28I had a corpse wash up next to me on the shore
01:26:31And then I find out that my dead boss
01:26:33He's not only a thief
01:26:34He wants to kill me
01:26:41I almost drowned
01:26:43The girl of my dreams now thinks I'm a raving lunatic
01:26:46You mean what's in it?
01:26:48And now we're going back to the house of death
01:26:51Great weekend, huh?
01:26:52Great weekend
01:26:56Just get here as fast as you can
01:26:58Thanks, Ed
01:26:59The police is on the way
01:27:00Okay, Coe
01:27:01We just lock ourselves in until they get here
01:27:03I hate it when he stares at me like that
01:27:05Okay
01:27:06Let's go
01:27:09Put him in the bathroom
01:27:15I bet he's picked up a little weight
01:27:16What do you expect?
01:27:17He's been soaking in the ocean for two hours
01:27:19Made a damn good float, though, huh?
01:27:22Richard?
01:27:26Richard, are you in here?
01:27:32Richard?
01:27:37Richard?
01:27:40Gwen!
01:27:42It's Gwen
01:27:45Hi, Gwen
01:27:46You know, you've got to be the weirdest guy I've ever met
01:27:49You told me Verning was dead, right?
01:27:51I just saw you with him
01:27:53Now, what's your explanation this time?
01:27:55Gwen!
01:27:56I don't mean to be rude when I say this, but get the hell out of here
01:27:58No, I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on
01:28:01Listen to me!
01:28:02You're in a lot of danger here, so please leave
01:28:04Unless you want to get shot and killed by the cops
01:28:06Look, honey, Lomax is dead here
01:28:08Somebody's trying to kill us
01:28:09Can we stay at your house until the cops come or what?
01:28:15It's just Verning!
01:28:20Gwen, Gwen, Gwen
01:28:22Listen to me
01:28:23We didn't do this to him
01:28:24Do we look like we could kill someone?
01:28:26Listen, honey, have a drink, relax, you'll be fine
01:28:28Let me rephrase that
01:28:29Do I look like I could kill someone?
01:28:38Which one of you bastards did this?
01:28:42You gonna get your butt kicked?
01:28:49I can explain
01:28:52Come on
01:28:58Curenuto!
01:29:11Company
01:29:16I didn't see anything
01:29:17I was looking at my watch
01:29:19I'm blind
01:29:23It's empty
01:29:25That's right
01:29:26But this ain't
01:29:31Let's go!
01:29:32Move it!
01:29:37It's locked!
01:29:38Mister, what are you doing?
01:29:39We're friends of Verning's!
01:29:40I hate Verning's friends!
01:29:47I'm sorry, I'm sorry
01:29:48I'm sorry, I'm sorry
01:29:49I'm sorry, I'm sorry
01:29:50I'm sorry, I'm sorry
01:29:52Go away!
01:29:55This way, this way
01:29:56Up here, fill the bedroom
01:29:57Up here, come on
01:29:58Come on, let's go
01:30:01You're dead meat, you little bastards!
01:30:08Gwen, now I'm really mad!
01:30:13Richard, you take Gwen
01:30:15You go hide. I'll go down here
01:30:16We're gonna chase me
01:30:17You try and call the cops, okay?
01:30:18Okay
01:30:19Okay?
01:30:20Okay, okay. What, that's it? No arguments?
01:30:22Where are we going?
01:30:23I'll get you! One by one!
01:30:25There's no place to hide!
01:30:42I'm gonna die.
01:30:51Oh!
01:31:03You kicked me, you bastard!
01:31:07Shit! Out of bullets!
01:31:21Hang on!
01:31:40Sit down!
01:31:45Hang on, Will!
01:31:46I got a bridge!
01:31:48Come in!
01:31:50Come in!
01:31:56Get up!
01:31:57Hang on, Will!
01:31:58I got him, Wes! I got him!
01:32:01Stay in there! Fight like a man!
01:32:03Come on! Put him up, you chicken!
01:32:05Come on!
01:32:07Come on, now!
01:32:08Watch it, Wes!
01:32:18Right there!
01:32:20Huh?
01:32:23Manos de piedros, huh?
01:32:27This is some steel!
01:32:30Bernie? Bernie?
01:32:32What do you call me, Bernie?
01:32:34I've always liked you, Bernie!
01:32:36Bernie!
01:32:40I got it, thanks.
01:32:41No, no, no! Come on! Just a little closer here!
01:32:43Just get the two of us here! Get the handshake in, okay?
01:32:46Wait a minute. I think I blinked.
01:32:48Did I blink? I think I blinked a second there.
01:32:50He blinked.
01:32:51Yeah, he blinked. I saw.
01:32:52Yeah, make sure he's wrapped up good.
01:32:54Wait a minute.
01:32:55Got him?
01:32:56He's not dead.
01:32:57Okay.
01:32:58I tried to kill him.
01:32:59He's not dead.
01:33:00He's not dead.
01:33:01Yeah.
01:33:02I tried to kill him.
01:33:03He's alive.
01:33:04Look at him. He's alive.
01:33:05Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:33:06He's not dead.
01:33:07He's not dead. He's alive.
01:33:08He's alive!
01:33:09Batman is alive!
01:33:12Well, now what?
01:33:14Now I'm going to take a week off.
01:33:16You? You're taking a vacation?
01:33:17The man who won't even take a coffee break?
01:33:19Gwen just invited me to stay with her.
01:33:20What am I going to say?
01:33:21You're kidding me. You invited him?
01:33:23You fool.
01:33:24That's fabulous.
01:33:25You deserve it, Richard.
01:33:26The company owes you.
01:33:27No, it's just a couple of days
01:33:28until Gwen leaves for school.
01:33:30There's plenty of room if you want to stay there.
01:33:34Me? Oh, no, no, thanks.
01:33:35I'll just tump it out here at Bernie's.
01:33:37I hear the party Saturday night's better than Friday, actually.
01:33:41Hey, what's going on?
01:33:43What's happened?
01:33:44Did you hear? Bernie Lomax got killed.
01:33:46No!
01:33:47Yeah, you know that party last...
01:33:48You go to that party last night?
01:33:50No.
01:33:51Well, Lawrence, you've done good.
01:33:53You've done real good. I'm proud of you.
01:33:55Yeah, I did okay, huh?
01:33:57Surprised myself.
01:33:59You did great, Reg.
01:34:05Hey, hey, hey.
01:34:06Hey, hey, hey.
01:34:07Hey, hey, hey.
01:34:08Hey, hey, hey.
01:34:16Oh, hi, Bernie.
01:34:18See you at the party tonight.
01:34:20What?
01:34:23What did she say?
01:34:27Oh!
01:34:32Hey, mister, can I bury you?
01:34:36Great!
01:34:37Hey, hey, hey.
01:35:07If you're high and always flying
01:35:10Remember where you are today
01:35:14Keep this good time, keep this feeling
01:35:18Don't ever let this fade away
01:35:22Some like it hot, oh yeah
01:35:26Some like it cold, feel hot
01:35:30Some never know, oh
01:35:34Some never know
01:35:37Some like it hot, oh yeah
01:35:41Some like it cold, feel hot
01:35:45Some never know, oh
01:35:49Some never know
01:35:52A new day is dawning
01:35:56The sun's gonna rise
01:36:00Get up from your slumber
01:36:04And let your light shine
01:36:07Oh yeah, oh yeah
01:36:10Hey, hey, hey
01:36:31Oh!
01:36:44A new day is dawning
01:36:47The sun's gonna rise
01:36:51Get up from your slumber
01:36:55And let your light shine
01:36:58Oh yeah, oh yeah
01:37:01Hey, hey, hey
01:37:04Everyone would like a good feeling
01:37:08When you're hot or when you are cold
01:37:12Keep on rockin', keep on reelin'
01:37:16If you're young or if you are old
01:37:20Some like it hot, oh yeah
01:37:24Some like it cold, feel cold
01:37:28Some never know, oh
01:37:32Some never know
01:37:35Some like it hot, oh yeah
01:37:39Some like it cold, feel cold
01:37:43Some never know, oh
01:37:47Some never know
01:37:50Some like it hot, oh yeah
01:37:54Some like it cold, feel cold
01:37:58Some never know, oh
01:38:02Some never know
01:38:05Some like it hot, oh yeah
01:38:09Some like it cold, feel cold
01:38:13Some never know
01:38:20Some like it hot, oh yeah
01:38:23Some like it cold, feel cold
01:38:26Some never know
01:38:29Some like it hot, oh yeah
01:38:32Some like it cold, feel cold
01:38:35Some never know
01:38:38Some like it hot, oh yeah
01:38:41Some like it cold, feel cold
01:38:44Some never know