Frasier Season 3 Episode 21 Where There's Smo Ke There's Fired
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00:00Oh Dr. Crane my god after all our years together all the good times all the bad
00:10times you can't loan me a meager $4,000 you must appreciate how hard it is for
00:19me to approach you about this I thought I meant more to you than this but
00:23apparently I don't they call themselves the friendly bank what do you need to
00:32borrow money for I saw the most exquisite Biedermeier footstool for
00:38$4,000 miles your mother and I didn't pay that much for our first house I know
00:44dad I lived there well I keep telling you you don't have
00:49Maris's money to throw around anymore you're gonna have to start cutting back
00:53a little I have cut back last month I told my masseur I could only see him
00:57once a week oh remember that scene in Grapes of Wrath
01:00when Ma Jobe did that if you need to save a bit you should do what I do and
01:08cut out coupons coupons what a wonderful way to economize but I could flip them
01:16and give them to my personal shopper oh hey there's BB Glazer called back here
01:25Fred not you're still consorting with that Barracuda well Barracuda is what
01:32you want in an agent now just that the station's been sold I was hoping she
01:37might have some scuttlebutt on the new owner mr. Mitch's rather hard to get a
01:43hold of these days really I thought one just drew a pentagram on the floor
01:47and chanted I summoned thee three times
01:53hello Ron what have you got on the new owner Oh plenty his name is Wilfred S
02:01Boone but he likes to be called Big Willie well there's a little snapshot of
02:06his psyche right there he's an 85 year old Texan practically no formal
02:14education but he went from Aaron boy at a radio station to owning his own media
02:18empire worth six hundred million this is great I don't even know it renews it is
02:24but it's 20 cents off and I want it
02:29you're flipping coupons I'm economizing well it's about time you spend money
02:35like a drunken sailor she said authoritatively
02:40let me we get back to the subject at hand so I'm sure about dead
02:45Wilfred S Boone Big Willie please Ross I just can't say that yeah all right
02:51Wilfred S Boone owns 30 radio stations across the country he likes you he's
02:57been known to syndicate your show nationwide so I'm trying to find out if
03:02we have anything in common an angle if you will so what are his interests Ross
03:07well it's all in there he likes whittling rodeos the novels of Zane Gray
03:11you embrace like you two were separated at birth
03:18he also owns a 5,000 acre cattle ranch and the world's largest collection of
03:23antique six shooters oh dear God suck it up to Yosemite Sam I think if we
03:34really want to impress big Willie we should think of some Western theme to do
03:38for the show today why don't we just start the show off with a segment on how
03:43to get in touch with your inner youngin what's going on oh this is great I told
03:51Gil the new station owner it's a Greek tycoon fell for that hook line in
03:56souvlaki you can keep your overripe camembert and malodorous Stilton they
04:06can't compare with the salty and sucious of Greece's glorious fetter it's not
04:14just for shepherds anymore this is Gil Chesterton saying bon appétit or as we
04:24say in Athens call your Rex a station owner isn't Greek he's from Texas
04:36well I hope you're happy I've just given full stars to a restaurant called a
04:40taste of Greece which trust me is no misnomer
04:46trying to suck up to some senile old coot he probably can't eat anything but
04:53strained peas and farina supposed to see you I'm dr. Fraser Crane this is Ross
05:01Doyle Gil Chesterton and Skippy the lunch boy so two strained peas in a
05:08farina for the big guy Oh Skippy change my order I've got a sudden hankering for
05:14baby back ribs and cornbread oh I've been looking for you dr. Crane I have a
05:23little problem they told me you're just a fella who could fix it oh I hope I'm
05:28not imposing oh no don't be silly mr. Boone oh actually I prefer a big Willie
05:33don't be silly big Willie you see I'm engaged to be married
05:42oh well sweet young thing just nuts about me probably she smokes Oh Lord has
05:51a very bad habit oh it's a vile habit would have destroyed my affection for
05:56her well if she didn't possess certain compensating gifts anyway as a favor to
06:06me could you help her I'll certainly try just keep in mind though addiction is
06:15fraught with many complex issues a length of habits motivation forgive me
06:21sometimes I don't express myself too clearly when I say could you help her
06:26what I meant to say was help her consider it up what she'd be in touch
06:35that's me dr. Fraser Crane bimbo wrangler
06:41Frazier stop it this is a golden opportunity you make this little tootsie
06:46quit smoking we're halfway to syndication it's no one just say the
06:50word syndication or do I just hear it every time I lay eyes on my favorite
06:54client is something wrong dear we just met big Willie oh he thinks I'm some
07:03sort of a magician he wants me to play therapist to a little fiance no doubt
07:08some gold-digging piranha so devoid of scruples that she's willing to rob the
07:12coffin just oh we met last month that it was love at first sight first sight
07:23of what his bankbook and a cardiogram two minutes I'm hurt that she could even
07:30joke about such a thing I love that dear sweet old man with every fiber of my
07:35being I'm sure you do I'm afraid there won't even be a wedding if you can't get
07:40rid of that rotten habit he's just ordered me to see that you do God you
07:44think a touch of infusiva with the end of the world what's that in your hand
07:50woman sorry Puddin baby sleep
07:57that's that all-important last puff oh see that it is well not to create I'm
08:06heading out of town for three days when I get back on Sunday I expect my little
08:11gal here to be smoke-free but then in three days
08:17well now you do whatever it takes to help her not drugs straight jackets
08:23lecture shot you'll see how I do it's on me
08:36excellent progress baby we have really dived into the emotional boy that is the
08:42root of your addiction your fear of abandonment your fear that those you
08:46trust will suddenly turn their backs when you expect them to excuse me
08:54it all seems so clear now you're a miracle worker if I had a dime for every
09:03time hello Frazier I noticed you were out of capers the other night so I got
09:11through this
09:18thank you why so many I just discovered a place called price busters warehouse
09:29you have to buy in bulk but the savings are extraordinary and they have a huge
09:34selection I found French fries and French doors in the same aisle next time
09:42you go back be sure to buy me a thousand sword fish so I can use these up you
09:48laugh but I could do it like that so how goes the great smoke out until today I
09:57had no idea what a brilliant therapist your brother is he has tunneled his way
10:02into the very depths of my psyche well let's hope he sent a canary down first
10:12well I'll be running along I'll see you at 10 tomorrow in the meantime it's
10:22exercise lots of fresh spring water and nicotine gum for the craving that's my
10:28girl baby you know I'm writing a paper on addiction and I'd love to ask you
10:32some questions unless there's some reason you're eager to be off me no no
10:42not at all well I just need to discuss a personal matter with Frasier first of
10:49course I'll give you some privacy thank you it's time for my water anyway yes
10:56that's let her out that door she'll smoke half a pack before the elevator
11:00hits the lobby you know that you hardly spoke to her well obviously you didn't
11:05see the crazed cunning glint in her eyes she always looked like that she's an
11:09agent I know about addiction the exact same look Maris used to get during the
11:20cough syrup years only way to deal with it is to lock her up take her money and
11:29wash her like a hawk till it's out of her system I mean she would have to stay
11:32here for the weekend who's staying all weekend BB Glazer yeah what does she
11:38have to stay here she's trying to quit smoking oh great that means she'll be
11:42extra lovable not to worry dad there is no reason she has to stay for the
11:48weekend BB and I made a real breakthrough today if you don't believe
11:51me just come out of the kitchen you'll see that I'm right
11:59I'm sorry I can't stay and help you with the paper Niles wedding
12:02preparations and all but I'll remember those helpful hints it's exercise gum
12:08and lots of water
12:16water should come in handy for putting out those pesky purse fires
12:22I know secure the door BB we're not going anywhere you're staying for the
12:28weekend I'll give me that purse all right let me remove one very precious
12:35momento
12:48more what's again it's a third serving no no it's just flattering to death is
12:56that BB finds her food so tasty I'm orally fixated I need a half-stunned
13:02warfrat if you put some gravy on it
13:05I'll bear that in mind called breakfast time no please please let's all try to
13:12remain supportive of BB I think she's really doing rather well so I hear your
13:18fiance is well to do very you're gonna eat that fat
13:29marrying money can have its perils 10 or 15 years down the line after you've
13:34adapted to a lifestyle now totally beyond your means you can find yourself
13:38cast aside a hollow husk penniless and crushed
13:47now as big Willie's 85 he's on his third pacemaker Oh mazel tov
13:57it's not a curiosity this guy ever see you eat after dinner is the time I need
14:04a cigarette most as long as I don't stop eating I'll be fine
14:07well this is very good you're already identifying those moments that trigger
14:11your worst craving yeah yeah no no really perhaps it would help to know
14:15that you're not alone dad is an ex-smoker dad can't you tell us but
14:20when you crave a cigarette most ah when I had insomnia I'd get up for a water
14:27glass full of bourbon light a cigarette next thing you know I couldn't keep my
14:31eyes open nothing relaxes you like a cigarette of course hell of a headache
14:40in the morning I smoked for years but I never became addicted to this day I can
14:52buy a pack have a cig or two toss them in a draw and not crave another for
14:57moments you know there's a word for people who can do that what is it oh yes
15:03bitch
15:10there's no need to be insulting just because you're wrestling with an
15:15unhealthy and disgusting habit it isn't disgusting as wonderful
15:20now baby tell me what is so wonderful about smoking everything I like the way
15:30fresh firm pack feels in my hand I like peeling away that little piece of
15:37cellophane and seeing a twinkle in the light I like coaxing that first sweet
15:45cylinder out of its hiding place and bringing it slowly up to my lips
15:53striking a match watching it burst into a perfect little flame and knowing that
15:59soon that flame will be inside me I love the first pop pulling it into my lungs
16:09little fingers of smoke filling me caressing me feeling that warmth
16:16penetrate deeper and deeper I think I'm going to watch it flow out of me in a
16:32lovely sinuous cloud no two ever quite the same
16:47more potatoes anyone
17:32you're up early miss moon
17:46ever since your little speech about smoking I haven't been able to think
17:54about anything else please don't mention this to dr. Crane silence has its price
18:02dear and I think we both know what that means you can't make me give you one of
18:09these
18:16all right Missy here's the drill you drop those cigarettes I'll open the door
18:20you take them over to me oh is it cold outside all right you asked for it
18:36please I beg you oh no my fingers are getting weak oh I'm losing the grip
18:44please I'll give you anything you want I'll make you stop
18:52what the hell's going on out here Daphne was smoking she made me look at me I'm
19:06all dumb and chill to the bone
19:26people all lost your mind all right now listen get back to bed every one of you
19:34thank God you came in when you did she was preying on my weakness who knows
19:41what I might have done probably
19:50don't even think about it
20:04the houseguest
20:13that'll be the neighbors
20:16hello?
20:18oh hello
20:20one moment please
20:22it's big willy
20:24big willy
20:26hello
20:28everybody's up
20:30yes well you know
20:32been a few minor setbacks
20:34but I'm keeping on top of it
20:36oh yes I know
20:38she'd love to say hi
20:40hello puddin
20:44I'm fine and you?
20:46oh nothing's
20:48too much trouble for you daddy
20:50bye now
20:52yes sir
20:54yes oh oh really well
20:56oh no no I'm very flattered yes of course
20:58I'd love to I'll
21:00talk with you this evening bye bye
21:02thank you Daphne
21:04all right now listen up
21:06thinks I'm very gifted
21:08thinks I'm wasting my talents in just one city
21:10I got a woman he wants to take me national
21:12don't you get it
21:14unless you ruin it for me
21:16oh my god
21:18I'm sorry
21:20here take them
21:24I don't know what came over me
21:26well don't
21:28be too hard on yourself
21:30after all this nicotine
21:32is a very very
21:34hey wait a minute
21:36this pack is half empty
21:40for god's sake
21:42I don't care anymore you know I can't
21:44help you nobody can
21:46you want to ruin it for both of us here go ahead
21:48knock yourself out
21:50only
21:52wish I could be there when it happens
21:54when what
21:56happens
21:58you see that newspaper headline
22:00big
22:02Willie Boone
22:04millionaire
22:06dead
22:08oh I wish I
22:10could be there when you watch the funeral
22:12on the news
22:14watch the casket
22:16being slipped into the ground
22:18only you won't be watching that
22:20no no you'll be
22:22watching
22:24the widow Boone
22:26Tiffany perhaps
22:28oh no better yet
22:30Kelly with an I
22:32stop it
22:34you picture her wearing
22:36your jewels
22:38sailing in your yachts
22:40sleeping with your
22:42gigolos but oh you won't be sad
22:44no no no because you'll
22:46have your cigarette
22:48clutched
22:50in your nicotine
22:52stained teeth smoke
22:54whirling about your once pretty
22:56now creased
22:58leathery
23:00smoke wrapping
23:06you are one
23:08hell of a therapist
23:20hey
23:22you back from the wedding already
23:24there was no wedding
23:26no wedding
23:28no syndication deal
23:30what's she doing here
23:32no money no fame
23:34well you might say things hit a bit of a snag
23:36no beach house
23:38no pool boys
23:40oh will you get a grip Ross
23:42what went wrong
23:44well they were half way done
23:46and the other half
23:48well they were half way
23:50down the aisle
23:52big Willie beaming proudly
23:54BB radiant
23:56supporting big Willie on her arm when suddenly
23:58he clutched his heart
24:00and his head slumped against
24:02BB's shoulder
24:04of course we were all concerned at first but then
24:06suddenly it seemed like he was alright because they kept
24:08moving on down the aisle
24:12but if you looked carefully you could see
24:14BB's little bicep bulging through
24:16her wedding gown and I swear
24:18I noticed daylight between
24:20Big Willie's dress boots and the
24:22carpet
24:24well once they got up
24:26to the minister the jig was pretty well up
24:28despite BB's
24:30valiant attempts to animate his features
24:32by twisting the loose skin at the back
24:34of his neck
24:38you know I've
24:40never seen a woman more crushed
24:42well if I were you I'd
24:44get her away from that balcony rail
24:46the doorman gets ticked if you even
24:48throw a piece of gum over the side
24:54BB dear
24:56please come on in
24:58that's a girl
25:00alright let me have a look
25:02at you come on
25:04here we are
25:08well
25:10I don't really blame you dear you know
25:12Ross and I are both upset too
25:14you know look at it this way
25:18you're no worse off than you were
25:20before you don't know the things I
25:22did for that man the depraved
25:24western themed
25:26appetites I satisfied
25:32he was 85 how bad could it have been
25:34ever want a saddle
25:36I have to answer that
25:42other big willies out there
25:44better ones richer
25:46older
25:48impotent
25:50oh dear
25:52you always know what to say
25:56I know what hell I put you through
25:58over this
26:00I insist
26:02that you take this as a
26:04that you take this as a
26:06small token of my gratitude
26:08oh BB
26:10look Ross
26:12it's a gold Rolex
26:14oh my goodness
26:16BB
26:18where did you get this
26:20just don't wear it
26:22to the funeral
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