Watch Online Hazel 1961 - s2ep10
Transcript
00:00More coffee?
00:01No, thank you, Hazel.
00:02No, thanks, Hazel.
00:03What's that?
00:04Oh, this is a scrapbook your mother kept when you was a little boy.
00:05My scrapbook?
00:06Where'd it come from?
00:07You remember, George, your mother sent it to us five years ago.
00:08Hazel found it cleaning out a closet.
00:09Sure, it's got your report card in it.
00:10I noticed you got poor in English, poor in arithmetic, and poor in history.
00:11All right, Hazel.
00:12I can read it.
00:13Oh, how well I remember that report card.
00:14Now, Hazel, what's the matter with you?
00:15Oh, it's nothing.
00:16It's nothing.
00:17It's nothing.
00:18It's nothing.
00:19It's nothing.
00:20It's nothing.
00:21It's nothing.
00:22It's nothing.
00:23It's nothing.
00:25All right, Hazel.
00:26I can read it.
00:27Oh, how well I remember that report card.
00:30My father gave me the licking of my life and I didn't get my allowance for six weeks.
00:34Poor little George.
00:35Oh, well.
00:36I may not have been bright in grammar school, but I made up Fortin High School in college.
00:40You sure did, Mr. B.
00:42Right.
00:43Right.
00:48Okay, sport, you can show him your report card now.
00:51Just hold your head up high, look proud, and stand near a scrapbook.
01:21Hi there, Sport!
01:38Ain't you feeling well this morning?
01:40You didn't eat no breakfast.
01:41I'm not very hungry.
01:43Oh, it ain't like you hanging around the house on a Saturday morning.
01:47What you looking at?
01:49Nothing.
01:50Nothing.
02:08Who put this picture of Smiley here?
02:10I did.
02:12Oh, I don't think that's such a good idea, Sport.
02:14Every time you look at it, you'll think of him, and thinking ain't gonna bring him back.
02:23What's the matter?
02:29Ha ha!
02:30Miss Tilthy!
02:37Maybe that's what our track team needs.
02:39An arithmetic teacher on its tail.
02:45Oh, hi, Miss Tilthy.
02:46Come on in.
02:47Thank you.
02:48Boy, what are you doing with all them books?
02:49If I was a teacher, I wouldn't touch a book on my day off.
02:53I was just on my way to the library.
02:55I'd like to speak to Harold's parents.
02:57Oh, they ain't quite up yet.
02:58They went to a big shindig last night.
03:01Oh.
03:02Well, it's rather important that I see them.
03:04Perhaps if I stop in on my way back.
03:06I think I know why you come here, Miss Tilthy, on account of Harold not doing his homework.
03:12He seems to have lost all interest in school.
03:15Oh, that ain't all he lost.
03:17He lost his dog.
03:18Oh.
03:19Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
03:21He died?
03:22Oh, no, no, no.
03:23We lost him.
03:24Come on in.
03:25You see, Mr. B drove us to see one of the seven wonders of the world, you know, the natural bridge at Virginia?
03:32Yeah, I've been there.
03:33Oh, you have?
03:34Ain't that something?
03:35Come on, sit down.
03:37So, um, Harold and me was in the back seat.
03:39Harold and I.
03:40And we...
03:41Huh?
03:42Harold and I.
03:43Harold and you what?
03:46Never mind.
03:47Well, Mr. and Mrs. B was in the front seat.
03:49They were in the front seat.
03:51Yeah, that's what I said.
03:53All right.
03:54And coming home, Harold and me thought Smiley was in the front seat.
03:59And Mr. and Mrs. B thought he was in the back seat.
04:01And we'd gone 50 miles before we discovered that he wasn't there.
04:05So that's why Harold ain't so hot in his arithmetic.
04:08What amazes me is that his English isn't worse.
04:11Oh, you said it.
04:13He can't think of nothing but his lost dog.
04:15Well, if you expect him to improve in his schoolwork, you'll obviously have to get his mind off the dog.
04:21How you gonna do that?
04:22You can't keep a boy from thinking about a lost dog.
04:25It's psychologically impossible.
04:27On the contrary, psychology is the only way to do it.
04:30Watch.
04:32Now assume that my hand is his mind, and this pencil's the idea of the lost dog.
04:38You can't tell him to forget it.
04:40The harder he tries not to think about it, the more tightly the idea is held by the mind.
04:46You see?
04:47That's Harold all over.
04:48What are we gonna do about it?
04:49Yeah, what are we gonna do about it?
04:51We're going to apply the psychological law of substitution.
04:55Oh, that.
04:56Now watch.
04:58By substituting another thought of equal interest and importance, in this case another pencil,
05:06the mind is forced to release the original thought in order to accept the new one.
05:14There, do you see what we've done?
05:17We've busted the point on your pencil.
05:20Never mind.
05:22You think it over.
05:23I'm sure you'll grasp the psychological principle involved.
05:27The psychological law of substitution.
05:31The law of what?
05:33The law of substitution.
05:36Hazel, I've been practicing law for nearly 15 years, and I have never heard of the law of substitution.
05:42I've encountered 10 million other idiotic laws, but no law of substitution.
05:46Restitution, yes. Substitution, no.
05:49George, you know perfectly well she's talking about psychology.
05:52Oh, I beg your pardon, Dr. Freud.
05:56Darling, she's just trying to tell us how to get Harold's mind off Smiley.
06:00I'd like to hear how Miss Tilcy explained it to you.
06:03Fine, Missy. May I borrow your pen and pencil, Mr. B?
06:07Now, you see, this pen is an idea in your mind, and if I tell you to forget it, you can't,
06:14because your mind won't let you forget the thing you're trying not to remember.
06:19But if you take another idea and put it in your head, you see?
06:24You see?
06:29Uh-oh.
06:31Broke my pen.
06:33Ink all over my beautiful rug.
06:35Well, don't get excited. I know how to get ink out of the rug. You just put milk on it.
06:38But you have to do it quick before the spot sets.
06:41Oh, we haven't got any milk. I used it all up in the cereal.
06:44I'll have to borrow some from Millie. Millie!
06:47Well, I suppose I should be ashamed of myself.
06:49Why?
06:50I was just thinking how much easier life would be if we'd lost Hazel instead of Smiley.
06:55George.
06:56I said I'm ashamed.
06:57Oh, Mr. B, I just met Barney. Look what come in the mail.
07:01What is it?
07:02It's from that service station in Virginia.
07:04Where we lost Smiley.
07:05Yeah.
07:09What is it?
07:11Oh, there's Smiley's collar.
07:13Harold! Harold!
07:15Hazel! Hazel, wait a minute.
07:16George, what is it, George?
07:18Well, the man at the filling station found Smiley, but he broke his collar and got away.
07:22Now there's no way of identifying him, even if somebody caught him.
07:25Oh, for heaven's sake.
07:26Where is he? How's he doing duty?
07:27Yeah, I can drive down and get him.
07:29Well, Hazel, uh...
07:30It's only 300 miles. I could be back by tomorrow.
07:32Yeah.
07:33Well, we could call that man and tell him to put Smiley on a bus. He could be back here by tonight.
07:37Hazel, Hazel, wait a minute.
07:39Hazel, I think you should read this first.
07:47Well, what are we waiting for?
07:49Why don't we call him?
07:58And it was Mother, and Dad, and Hazel, and Smiley, and...
08:06And next Thursday is Thanksgiving.
08:09He likes turkey.
08:11And could you give him some stuff to eat?
08:14And could you give him some stuffing, too? Amen.
08:21Okay, Harold, in bed.
08:27Good night, dear.
08:35How would you like me to read to you a little while before you go to sleep?
08:39Not that you can't read yourself, but with my sing-song voice, it might help you to doze off, huh?
08:45What do you want to read?
08:46Well, what about the Arabian Nights? I could read you about the flying horse or the flying carpet.
08:53No, I haven't gotten that spot out of the carpet yet. I kind of lost my taste for carpets.
08:59Well, how about Aladdin and his magic lamp?
09:02Did Aladdin really have a magic lamp with a genie in it?
09:06Oh, no. Sport, you know better than that. That's just a story.
09:11You don't believe in them?
09:13Look at that genie. Twenty feet tall. Do you think I'd believe a thing like that?
09:17Why don't you believe in them?
09:19Because they ain't, and they never was, and they never will be.
09:23Well, you said when you were little you didn't believe you'd ever have anything like a television.
09:28Oh, well, that's different.
09:30So why couldn't there be genies?
09:33Because, well, you'll just have to get yourself a magic lamp of your own and see what comes out of it.
09:40Where did Aladdin get his?
09:42In a bazaar.
09:44What's a bazaar?
09:46Oh, it's kind of a place where you get a lot of junk.
09:50It's in a shop sort of like my friend Charlie's.
09:54Okay? Let's go.
09:56There dwelled in Arabia a young man named Aladdin,
10:00who was sorely distressed and whose heart was heavy.
10:03Sort of like you, Sport.
10:05And one day while standing before a shop in the bazaar...
10:21Why, hello, Harold.
10:23Hi, Charlie.
10:24Is Asa with you?
10:25No.
10:26Oh, too bad. Such a wonderful woman.
10:28Charlie?
10:29Yes?
10:30Do you believe in genies?
10:31Genies? What kind of genies?
10:33I mean, does that Arabian lamp have a genie in it?
10:36Harold, that's not an Arabian lamp.
10:39That's a gravy boat, an antique gravy boat.
10:42It looks like the Arabian lamp in my book.
10:45Look, Harold, if I had a genie, it wouldn't be sitting in the window.
10:49You'd be washing it.
10:50I have six dollars in my bank.
10:53I thought if it was an Arabian lamp...
10:56Six dollars?
10:58Six dollars.
11:00Well, it could be I've been mistaken.
11:03You know, sometimes even an expert like me can't tell the difference.
11:07Now, what am I saying?
11:09Hazel would kill me.
11:11It looks exactly like the lamp.
11:13You wait.
11:14Harold, considering all the free meals Hazel has given me in your house, here, take it.
11:28Free?
11:29If you want to pretend it's an Arabian lamp, here, take it.
11:33Pretending never hurt anybody.
11:36Pretending can make a very dismal world seem beautiful.
11:40Gee, thank you.
11:42But remember, if you do find a genie in it, even covered with gravy, my windows need washing.
11:50Okay.
11:52I'll just use some of this Jebel water and scrub with it and then sponge with some of that ammonia water.
11:58I learned that from an aunt of mine.
12:00Well, I used to depend on elbow grease, but not anymore.
12:04Hazel, will you please give up before you rub a hole right through the rug?
12:07Missy, please don't ask me to give up. I ain't the giving up type.
12:10We got to get this spot out before Thanksgiving we'll be having company.
12:13I had a cousin that used to use peroxide and hydrogen.
12:16Why don't we try some of that?
12:18Oh, Hazel, cut it out.
12:20For all we know, combination of the peroxide and the Jebel water may explode.
12:26Hazel, could I have a drink of water?
12:28Oh, sure. Come on out of the kitchen.
12:31Oh, mother, look!
12:33Where did you get that?
12:35At Charlie's antique shop.
12:38What on earth do you want with it?
12:40Don't you know what it is?
12:42Well, it's a gravy boat.
12:44No, it isn't. It's an Arabian lamp.
12:46Harold, I know a gravy boat when I see one.
12:49Darling, it isn't an Arabian lamp.
12:51Yes, it is. Charlie said so.
12:53Come upstairs and I'll show you.
12:55I have a picture of it in my book.
12:57I've already made my wish.
12:59I wish I had Smiley back.
13:01Harold, you can't get Smiley back just by making a wish.
13:05Wherever did you get such an idea?
13:07From Hazel.
13:08Hazel told...
13:09Yeah, Hazel told me how Aladdin got his lamp at a bazaar.
13:12That's Arabian for Charlie's antique shop.
13:15And I went there and there it was.
13:17Just like she said.
13:19Harold!
13:20Smiley will be here any minute, so leave the door open.
13:26Hazel!
13:30Yeah, Missy?
13:32Hazel, I seldom get angry at you.
13:34I seldom talk to you like this, but are you out of your mind?
13:37Oh, word gets around fast, don't it?
13:39I don't think we're ever going to get that ink spot out of the rug.
13:42Never mind the ink stain.
13:43How could you do such a cruel thing to Harold?
13:46What did I do?
13:47You told him he could find Aladdin's lamp at Charlie's antique shop.
13:51What?
13:52You told him he could find Aladdin's lamp at Charlie's.
13:55I did that? Me?
13:57Charlie sold him an old gravy boat.
14:01And told him it was an Arabian lamp.
14:04Oh.
14:05Wait till I get my hands on that Charlie.
14:08Harold made a wish.
14:10He wished that the genie would bring back Smiley.
14:14Well, now he's in for another big disappointment.
14:17You and I both know he'll never get Smiley back.
14:32Look, Hazel. It's exactly like the one in my book.
14:36Yeah, I see.
14:38And that's the kind of genie there is in my lamp.
14:41And I wish for Smiley.
14:43Well, Smiley ain't here.
14:45But you can see that for yourself.
14:47Smiley'll be here. I'll get him back.
14:53And then Harold made a wish.
14:55He wished that the genie would bring back Smiley.
14:59And then Harold made a wish.
15:01He wished for Smiley.
15:03Hmm.
15:05Well, I'll go upstairs and talk to him when I finish with his stuff.
15:08What stuff?
15:09Well, on my way home I got a formula to take the ink out of the rug.
15:12You too?
15:13What do you mean, me too?
15:14Well, Hazel and Rosie have been at it all day.
15:17Rosie was trying something she got from her aunt.
15:19And Hazel was using something she got from her mother and her cousin and I don't know how many million aunts.
15:24That isn't just like a bunch of women.
15:26Always using a lot of home remedies.
15:28At least a man uses his intelligence.
15:30Now, I went to Hartoonian's.
15:32He deals in rare and expensive rugs.
15:34And there isn't a thing he doesn't know about scientific chemical cleaners.
15:38What did you get?
15:39Well, believe me, it wasn't cheap.
15:41It's a rare and special formula he got from his grandmother.
15:45I'll use this cloth.
15:47Hmm.
15:48Smells like a mixture of alcohol and lemon juice.
15:51George, you're not going to clean my rug with a Tom Collins.
15:55Believe me, it'll work.
15:57Hartoonian guarantees it.
16:14There you are.
16:15It works.
16:16Like a charm.
16:17Oh, darling.
16:20You hold that.
16:21I'll go out and wash my hands.
16:22George, you're a genius.
16:24Hazel, please get the lamp back to me.
16:27It's for your own good, Sport.
16:29You're just asking for ways to be miserable.
16:31I'm not miserable.
16:32I know I'm going to get Smiley back.
16:34You'll believe in everything I read you out of that Aladdin book, right?
16:38Yes.
16:39Well, did Aladdin sit around waiting?
16:41If there was a genie, all I'd have to do is to rub this lamp,
16:44and that ink spot would come right out of the rug.
16:46It's gone!
16:47But there ain't no such thing as mess.
16:49Huh?
16:50It's gone!
16:51Now, Harold.
16:53Well, look!
16:59It isn't exactly like the one in my book.
17:02When the genie comes out, I don't see any smoke.
17:07I smell alcohol.
17:10I didn't use no alcohol.
17:12Neither did Rosie.
17:13Who did?
17:14Well, if we got a genie on our hands, he's tipsy.
17:53Harold, that is superstition.
18:22Nothing more than pure superstition.
18:24The genie took the spot out of the rug.
18:27Look, Harold, I took the spot out of the rug, and believe me, I'm no genie.
18:31Darling, why do you keep insisting that Smiley will come back when you know it's impossible?
18:36Because I believe.
18:38Oh, that's no reason.
18:40The Bible says it is. The Bible says if you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.
18:49If the Bible says I can, why can't I?
18:53I'm going to tell you exactly what I'm going to say to that.
18:57I'm going to ask your mother to answer that.
19:00Oh.
19:02Well, uh, I'm going to let Hazel answer that.
19:08I'd rather answer the door.
19:10Well, Mr. Parkins, you're the last person in the world I ever expected to see.
19:21How are you, Hazel?
19:23Oh, well enough to sit up and sip soup. Come on in.
19:26You sure look well. We thought you was in California.
19:29Oh, I have been for the past year. I just arrived in town this morning.
19:34Oh, by chicken truck?
19:36I sometimes accept a lift. I'm the gregarious type.
19:41I went to Cousin George's office, but he wasn't there.
19:44His secretary wouldn't tell me where he was either.
19:47I believe she thought I was trying to borrow money.
19:50Well, wasn't you?
19:52Well, I'll admit I have the last few times I passed through town.
19:57But this time I have a fabulous idea for him to invest money in.
20:01The potential dividends are beyond his wildest dreams.
20:06By the way, maybe do you have a little something to munch on?
20:14A steak sandwich, perhaps?
20:16Now look, son, we know that Smiley is probably at least 300 miles away.
20:22For him to suddenly appear here would violate all the natural physical laws of time and space.
20:27You don't believe that could happen, do you?
20:29Yes, sir.
20:30Well, Harold, I'm going to have to prove you wrong.
20:33Now, I'm going to make a wish myself.
20:36Let me see, what should I wish for?
20:37A million dollars.
20:38I don't want a million dollars.
20:40What?
20:41I don't want a million dollars.
20:42Well, after all, George, it's only a wish and we do have community property in this state.
20:46I wouldn't want it under any circumstances.
20:48If I should suddenly appear with a million dollars, I'd not only have the income tax people on my neck, but the FBI too.
20:54And a lot of phony charities and...
20:56Your cousin Charlie Park and...
20:58Hazel, that's right.
20:59I'd have that second cousin once removed moocher on my neck too.
21:02Why, he'd be a...
21:03In the kitchen.
21:04Hazel, that's right.
21:05He'd be in the kitchen eating me out of a house and home.
21:07You know, the best investment I ever made was buying him a one-way train ticket to California.
21:12He's...
21:13And that only goes to prove my point.
21:14He's in the...
21:15Hazel, will you please stop interrupting?
21:17Now, I'm trying to prove to Harold that the laws of time and space cannot be violated.
21:22Harold, I want you to watch me very carefully.
21:25Yes, sir.
21:26If there is a genie in here, prove it.
21:29Bring me my sponging cousin from California.
21:34Hi, George.
21:45You got him!
21:47Smile, you'll be here any minute.
21:56Oh, here he is.
22:19Sorry I'm late getting home.
22:21Did you invite your cousin for Thanksgiving dinner?
22:23Yes, I stopped by his hotel.
22:25It was an expensive visit, I'm afraid.
22:27How much did he nick you for?
22:29Well, just the plane fare back to California.
22:31But he'll be leaving tomorrow right after our Thanksgiving dinner.
22:34I found it! I found it!
22:36It was in the back seat of Dad's car.
22:38Oh, no.
22:39I know sooner to get my cousin out of my hair, but you have to show up at this old gravy boat.
22:43But that lamp brought Cousin Charlie.
22:45No, son.
22:46That was merely a coincidence.
22:48A plain, simple, expensive coincidence.
22:51Now, under the circumstances, how can you possibly believe that this silly old gravy boat will bring Smiley back?
22:57The Bible says all you have to do is believe, and I believe.
23:08Smiley!
23:11Oh, look at that!
23:19Ain't that wonderful?
23:21This poor little thing, he must be tired.
23:26Mr. Baxter?
23:27Yes?
23:28My name is Harrison, I'm a driver for a truck line, and my route takes me near the natural bridge of Virginia.
23:33Oh, you brought the dog!
23:35Yes, yes. A filling station operator asked me to bring him.
23:38The man who found Smiley the first time?
23:40Yeah, that's right.
23:41He gave him up for lost, but then all of a sudden yesterday he said a truck pulled in and there was a dog sitting in the back.
23:47The driver didn't even know he was there.
23:49I can't tell you how grateful we are.
23:51Well, I've got kids of my own. I know what their dog means to them.
23:54I'll bet your kids will be glad to have you home for Thanksgiving.
23:57Well, I won't make it in time. I have a layover here while my truck's being serviced.
24:01Why don't you come back tomorrow and have Thanksgiving dinner with us?
24:04We'd love to have you.
24:05Yes, please do.
24:06Sure.
24:07Okay, if you insist.
24:09Gee, it just does my heart good to see your son and his dog.
24:16For that which we are about to receive, we thank thee. Amen.
24:19Amen.
24:20Well, we certainly do have a lot to be thankful for this year.
24:23We always have a lot to be thankful for.
24:25Especially this year.
24:27I'll say.
24:28By the way, where is Smiley?
24:30He's under the table. He ain't taking any chances of getting lost again.
24:37Ha, ha, ha, ha.
25:07Ha, ha, ha, ha.
25:10Ha, ha, ha, ha.
25:26This has been a Screen Gems film production.