cashing out enjoying life and not giving anything to daughter

Professor Reddit

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00:00I, F-57, lost my husband of 25 years last year. We have a daughter, F-24, who's married

00:08for 2 years. My son passed away after her marriage and it has been hell ever since.

00:14Our relationship with daughter was very good and without any incidents before her marriage.

00:19She was sweet and loving and was a great daughter overall. She got married to the man of her

00:24choice, S-L, son-in-law. After that it has all been downhill. She stopped coming to our

00:31house, stopped responding to our texts and calls, going almost NC. We weren't rich, although

00:38my husband had a lot of assists, they haven't been liquidated. When he died, he didn't leave

00:43a will because it was so unexpected. After his death, my dear daughter didn't even attend

00:50his funeral nor in any other functions. She didn't even call to ask how I was.

00:55Barely 6 months after my hubby's passing, she and son-in-law barged into our house and

01:01brought with them a lawyer, who told me to sign on some documents and a blank sheet.

01:06I know the legal processes and am not ignorant. I asked her what was in that docs. Ick what

01:11I did, but here she was, demanding me to sign some unknown docs and a blank sheet and not

01:17answering any questions. I asked the lawyer what it was about, he said it was for transferring

01:23all the assets in her and son-in-law's name. I said no. Here it got violent, she attacked

01:29me and I had to scream for help. I didn't call the cops but told her to get out before

01:34I did. She was adamant about me signing and tried to take my thumb impression. At this

01:39point my neighbors had come over and had witnessed pretty much the last part of forcing. My neighbor,

01:45bless his heart, physically kicked them out. After this I was shaken and very hurt. I

01:50don't know what I did and I was honestly scared for my life. She kept sending me messages,

01:56though not threatening cause maybe her lawyer told her so. She kept on sending sweet messages,

02:02thanking me for making her the beneficiary, transferring all assets to her etc. I was

02:08disgusted. A week of harassment later, I decided I had enough, I want it out. So I met my lawyer,

02:14he said since there was no will, I was the sole owner of all assets and could do as I

02:19wish. Long story short, I sold everything, made eight figures, bought a new house in

02:25a place I'd always wanted to be, far from everyone. Now I plan to enjoy the rest of

02:31my life traveling and generally doing things I haven't been able to do, but which I've

02:36always wanted to do. I recently heard through the gossip vine that my daughter tried to

02:40start litigation against me shortly after I sold and left but it fell through as everything

02:46was in my name now. She now wants to meet me and is pressuring her lackeys to contact

02:51me and make me meet her. I said no. I don't understand why she did that because it was

02:57all going to be hers anyway. They don't know where I am presently and I'd prefer to keep

03:01it that way. I'm NC with her and son-in-law and don't have social media except Reddit.

03:08Point 1. NTA shed be dead to M.E. Completely 100% dead and you should report the lawyer

03:15to the bar. He witnessed and participated in a crime and should be despaired. Your neighbor

03:21is a witness so it's not he says she says. Who's the lawyer's usual clients? The bloody

03:27Gabinos? Comment 2. I'd do two things. The first, is exactly what you are doing. Enjoy

03:36life. The second would be to make a will leaving all my assets to a favorite charity

03:41or even the neighbor that helped you out. She allowed a man to change her to the point

03:46that she only wanted contact with you when it came to money. If she doesn't want to be

03:50a real daughter, then let it be that way for good. Comment 3. What's to be the lawyer wasn't

03:57really a lawyer. If he is, then he's a pretty dodgy one and deserves to be reported. As

04:04you're your daughter, any and all family assets are yours until you die. Then they

04:09go to your beneficiary. There is not guarantee that she will be the beneficiary. You are

04:14fully entitled to leave your earthly belongs to whomever or wherever you desire, a shelter,

04:20the SPCA, the man in the moon fund, whatever, including your daughter. Please remember that

04:26no. Is a complete sentence. Enjoy your life. Go out and have the life you want. Who knows,

04:34maybe the bucket will be empty when you kick it. Background I, 20F, bought a VIP ticket

04:42in May for a concert in the end of July that was close to $500. I had worked very hard

04:49that month to be able to pay for it, but I did not consult my parents before making this

04:53decision. My parents, dad is 40 and mom is 42, are conservative and Christians. This

05:00is on the back of me being upset for not being allowed to go to a concert with some friends

05:05the day that we hit a deer and them not liking that I would not shut up about being upset

05:10and letting them know I was not happy with dealing with consequences for something that

05:14did not harm us. As well as a just settled argument between my parents. Story, I was

05:20planning on telling them in July on my birthday so that they would likely let me go, but unfortunately

05:26they checked my bank statements and saw the payment before I could tell them myself. These

05:31disagreements have caused a lot of tension and we are getting more on edge the closer

05:35the concert gets. My sister, F22, and brother, M14, have said that they understand that I

05:43will not cancel the ticket, but that I went about the wrong way and should have told my

05:47parents before I bought it, especially knowing how they are. My parents since the finding

05:52of the ticket have been on my back about cancelling it and say that I am humiliating, disrespecting,

05:58and undermining their authority as parents for saying that I will not cancel the ticket.

06:03They have lectured me multiple times on this and seem to not like that I also give them

06:07my opinions on the matter when I should just obey what they say as they are my parents

06:12and should just be obedient as the Bible says to honour your father and mother. These

06:17last couple of weeks have been hard as now that my parents are sort of excluding me,

06:22my siblings have had to step in in filling in what I would usually do around the house

06:26and with helping my parents with their various chores or business they need to take care

06:30of. My siblings are quieter than they have been and my parents are more upset than usual

06:36with us which has us walking on eggshells. From my parents' viewpoint they have said

06:41that as my parents they deserve to know any decisions I make and that me not consulting

06:45them was not right. They are upset that I did not communicate with them and that I am

06:50not obeying their world when as Christians we should not be associating with these worldly

06:55activities. They have let me know that I am hurting their feelings by not understanding

07:00that me going is putting me in danger and causing me to sin, that they are only looking

07:04out for me and don't want me to go down a path that could damage my well-being.

07:09Point 1. NTA, but you really need to separate yourself

07:13from your parents if you want to have any sort of life. Legally speaking, they can't

07:18stop you from leaving. How did they pull you out of work? You're an adult. Get your own

07:24bank account under your own name, at a different bank than the one your parents bank at. Start

07:30looking for your own place. You may need roommates, depending on where you live and what kind

07:36of job you have. Your parents aren't being Christian. They're being controlling.

07:42Comment 2. YTA to yourself for letting yourself, a legal adult, be nitpicked and controlled

07:49to this extent that other people even your parents have access to, and think they have

07:53a say, about your bank account information. It doesn't matter if they are turbo-Christians

07:59or anything or whatever. I am sorry you have been brought up this way and you are still

08:04so enmeshed. At a certain point, you will have to decide you must have autonomy and

08:09privacy in your life, if only to go to a wretched concert of your choice. If not now, then when?

08:19I, 31F, am marrying my wonderful fiancée, 30M, in Vegas next year. We are going more

08:27budget-friendly getting married at the Little White Chapel, and not having an actual reception

08:32party after. We're paying for everyone's dinner at a nice buffet so there's something for everyone.

08:38It's just going to be a couple friends and immediate family. Our family lives all over

08:43the place so there isn't really a central location to have a wedding that's convenient for everyone,

08:48and we've both talked about having a Vegas wedding since we met. We did agree to pay for

08:53our parents' hotel rooms so they are in the same hotel as us and where we're having dinner after

08:58the wedding, they just have to pay for their plane tickets. Kind of pricey, but my parents

09:04don't have the money to spend on the hotel, so we figured we'd be fair and pay for both sets of

09:09parents to be there. After hearing we're paying for the parents' rooms my fiancée's sister,

09:14F23, is reaching out asking if we're paying for her room as well since she doesn't have the money

09:20for it. He explained that we're only paying for the parents, but she can ask to share with their

09:25parents since there's two queen beds in their room. She wants to bring her BF and his parents

09:31won't allow her to share a room with them and him, their choice. She said it's unfair to only pay for

09:37some of the guests' rooms and not others and if he wants her there he'll pay for her and her BF's

09:42room. He explained is not in the wedding budget and she'll have to come up with the money for a

09:47room if she wants to come. Now his other sisters are telling us that we should pay for her room

09:52if we want her to be there since my fiancée knows she's bad with money. He's told them attending

09:58isn't mandatory and while it would be nice if the whole family could attend, he understands if they

10:03can't afford it since it's a destination wedding. He suggested the three of them share a room,

10:09but they all have significant others they want to bring so they don't want to share rooms.

10:14Now all three sisters are saying they aren't coming because we're too good to pay for his

10:18little sister even though we're paying for my parents to attend. I feel like they're just trying

10:23to guilt trip us into paying and it's working because he feels guilty for only paying for some

10:28people's rooms. I'm holding firm that we aren't paying, but he thinks we might be in the wrong

10:33here. Comment 1. NTA it's Vegas, they gotta have budget hotel options for cheap. If you pay for

10:41her hotel, then she'll say you should pay for her plane tickets, then her food, then her drinks,

10:47and on and on. You have a budget, and her room is not in the budget. Stand your ground. If your

10:54other two SILs have such a strong opinion that she can't afford it, maybe they should all chip

10:59in to pay for her. And again, she could still go without her BF and stay in her parents' room,

11:05so if she doesn't value seeing her brother get married enough to do that I don't think you want

11:09her at the wedding anyway. It sound like she want a free fancy vacation rather than to see you two

11:15get married. Stand. Your. Ground. Comment 2. NTA and those sisters sound like brats. As soon as

11:25someone says, it's not in the budget, the other person should shut the hell up and leave it.

11:31Paying for your parents is lovely. Parents should be at their child's wedding. Congratulations on

11:37the nuptials. I hope the sisters simmer down and come to their senses. If not, I hope you and your

11:43fiancé stop engaging in the conversation. Asked and answered is one of my favorite phrases for

11:49shutting down nonsense. Comment 3. NTA. You have a budget. You're using it to foot your parents'

11:58rooms and your own expenses. Maybe your fiancé should tell his other sisters that if the youngest

12:03being there is so important to them, then maybe they should be the ones to pay for her room.

12:08Comment 4. NTA. I'm a 34-year-old male, married to my wife, a 32-year-old female, for just over

12:17two years. We've been together for six years and have a great life together. My wife has a 13-year-old

12:24son from a previous relationship who lives with us, and I've been in his life since he was eight.

12:30I have had dreadlocks for the past 15 years, and naturally, my son wanted to emulate me by getting

12:36locks of his own, which he's had for five years. Although I strive to be a good father, my son is

12:42very spoiled. Whenever I try to instill some discipline, I face resistance from him, his mother,

12:48and his grandparents. As a result, I've resigned myself to giving him what he wants, figuring

12:54there's no point in trying to discipline him if no one else supports it. He's not a disrespectful

13:00child, but he's not as respectful as he could be and is very spoiled. Recently, some kids at his

13:07school have been bullying him about his hair, trying to convince him to cut it. His grandfather

13:12had already told him not to let the kids bully him into cutting his hair. One day, while we were

13:18around some of his friends, he expressed a desire to cut his locks. I reminded him of his grandfather's

13:24words and told him he couldn't cut it. In front of his friends, he called his grandmother, asked

13:31if he could cut his hair, and she said yes. He then looked at me and said, I bet I cut my hair.

13:37I responded that we had spent too much money on his hair and he shouldn't let anyone bully him

13:43into cutting it. A week later, my wife asked me again if our son could cut his hair. Frustrated,

13:50I said it was his hair and he could do whatever he wanted, but reminded her that his grandfather

13:55had said no. Ultimately, he got his hair cut. As you can guess, he now regrets it and wants to

14:02reattach his locks. My wife told me about his frustration, but I feel no sympathy because I

14:08warned him he wouldn't like it, yet he did it anyway. Here's why I think I might be the R.

14:14My wife expressed that I need to be more comforting to him and sensitive to his feelings because this

14:19is a hard lesson for him. I responded by saying that I told him it is just hair and it will grow

14:25back, but I am not consoling him or having any pity or sympathy towards him because of the

14:30disrespect I received when he chose to call his grandmother in front of me and attempt to shame

14:35me in front of his friends. For this, I will not console a thirteen-year-old who had no respect

14:41for me. I don't care that his feelings are hurt because I warned him and, in the end, he got

14:47exactly what he wanted. It's not my fault he doesn't like it. I tried to warn him, and now he

14:53has to deal with the consequences. She is upset because I don't have more sympathy for him.

14:59Comment 1. Dude. He should have been able to cut his hair in the first place without all these

15:05people telling him what to do. And while you certainly don't need to reattach his locks,

15:10you can be a little bit comforting. I've had haircuts I regret before. It's always a shock

15:16for a few days, but you get used to it, and it grows back. I had this same thing with my daughter

15:23after a haircut the other day. And I will admit, after she had brought it up twenty-five times in

15:29an hour, I told her to stop obsessing. I'm not perfect, unfortunately. But first I talked it

15:35through with her like I just said. Comment 2. I understand this is easier in hindsight.

15:42I certainly said things or handled things in a way I regretted later. The conversation could

15:48have gone. Son in front of his friends, I want to cut my locks. You, you can if you want to,

15:55just make sure it's something you want. I also want to let you know that we are unable to replace

16:00them anytime soon if you do cut them and decide you want them back. I'm only letting you know

16:06this so you have all the facts before you make your choice. Why don't you sleep on it and let

16:11me know what you decide tomorrow?

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