НОUSЕ ОF DRАG S01Е02 (2018)
Transcript
00:00Does it have to go through?
00:24Some of the costumes are a bit light.
00:26Both.
00:27I'm not saying they're different, they're unusual.
00:30Both.
00:31Well, ladies are a little bit different.
00:33It's a very controversial topic of drag queens wearing flats because it's almost like you're
00:44cheating.
00:45I've always worn heels.
00:46The higher the better, the closer to God you are.
00:50It's on bitches.
00:53Get it.
00:54Opportunity doesn't get my drag.
00:58Yes!
00:59And the queens, they said that they would call me a lazy queen for wearing flats.
01:05I do have heels, it just doesn't work for every look.
01:10And so it's not really that lazy, I don't think.
01:14Oh wait, can we talk about the fact that you use a lot of retouching on your makeup?
01:20And what about it?
01:21Oh, I'm just curious.
01:22About what?
01:24About your...
01:25Your Facetune habits.
01:26I am in rehab for retouching.
01:27Please, please.
01:28Are you really?
01:29No.
01:30No, I'm addicted.
01:31My aesthetic gets misconstrued so much.
01:32Bunny Holiday is a piss take of a dumb blonde.
01:33And a lot of people assume I'm that dumb blonde.
01:34Lady Leigh was trying to start a show.
01:35I'm not.
01:36I'm not.
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02:51funny actually. So remember only one star at the end of this week will be shining the
02:57brightest so get to work. You're not shining you're a shadow. Now fuck off. Thanks ladies.
03:04I think all the girls are feeling nervous because none of them are funny.
03:17You know a joke comes in many shapes and sizes. Just look at Lady Day. People think I'm funny.
03:22I am very quick. Like people throw a joke at me I'm just like and back we go and back
03:27we go. I'm just like flick flick flick. I'm like that tennis ball machine that pops one
03:30out every sort of five seconds. Humour is the best medicine so ready. I'm actually worried
03:39about doing well and having to choose someone to go home. I'm genuinely worried about that.
03:45I'm just going to run with the comedy that is my life and how I actually got here. Mark.
03:50What are you going to write? Well that's why I'm talking about my hemorrhoids. You want
03:55like a semi while I'm up? This is brain food. That needs mustard on it now. I'm trying to
04:04figure out if I'm going to have enough time. I'll feel absolutely devastated if I bomb.
04:10I can do fine on a microphone every Friday Saturday and if I bomb one minute when it counts
04:16what the hell does that say about my stamina? I'm so nervous.
04:24What are you playing? I'm kind of taking the piss a little bit. I don't know it's really hard like
04:30I'm not funny. And then there's people that think they're funny and they're fucking shit.
04:34Funny holiday.
04:41The first idea I had was talk about what I know and that's me. I'm going to draw on my own
04:46experiences. Hardest thing I went through growing up was probably my dickhead dad.
04:51Well sperm donates not my dad. He was involved with drugs and gangs so being around that as a
04:59little gay kid was a lot. I wouldn't say my childhood was easy but I wouldn't say it was
05:04the worst because my mum is a superwoman. My mum's my best friend. My mum's fully my best friend. I
05:12ring her every day. My mum has always instilled like a you're perfect like don't let anyone tell
05:19you otherwise and I never have.
05:24Give me a liner. My what? Give me a taste. Um hello everyone my name is Lady and as well
05:32as gonorrhea chlamydia and crabs I've also had hemorrhoids before.
05:38Is it stiff?
05:42You haven't warmed anyone up you've just gone straight in.
05:45Do you know what I mean? Yeah I thought a joke on myself was saying.
05:48Are you a comedian? Yeah. But is it a joke because it's factual? It's factual.
05:56Are you just trying to like work me up though? No I'm just giving my own opinion. I was confident.
06:15Hi drag stars and welcome back to the observatory. Hi. Now as you know we have tasked you today
06:28with a solid gold comedy challenge. Now are we feeling confident today? Yeah.
06:35We have chosen in random order those who will be going first. Please welcome to the stage the one
06:41the only Hugo girl.
06:47I recently came out as masculine identifying. Yes very exciting times so um don't be transphobic
06:52laugh at my shirt. Yeah my parents are just super stoked with that life choice.
06:58But hey in all fairness I'm just not entirely sure what the big deal is because after all
07:03mum did always want me to find a man.
07:04Boy did I ever. It's just that he was inside me all along.
07:12Oh oh oh not in a gross straight way.
07:16All right well the world doesn't need another straight white male comedian that's me I'm Hugo
07:19girl. Thank you. Comedy is not necessarily my forte but shade is. Hey queen for those who don't
07:32know me which is most of you I'm funny holiday. I'm from Wellington. Wellington has the best drag
07:41scene in Wellington. I don't know why I'm reading I can't read but honestly I am beautiful inside
07:50and out. That's right triple threat.
07:59Just kidding I'm Lola.
08:04You stone cold bitch.
08:11Smack her in the bunny. I know. Look at her try to kiss it better.
08:15Yeah.
08:19I want to make this really short and sweet just like Siobhan's appearance on TV.
08:24So pretty much I'm gonna jump straight into it with my sister bunny holiday.
08:28So fucking glad she's here today but I don't know why you let her on TV with those fucking
08:32munches in her fucking mouth. Fucking mess. As you know I'm from a country called the Maldives
08:37and I'm a queue jumper. I arrived to New Zealand on a waka.
08:44Now drag comes in many shapes and sizes. Look at Lady Lange.
08:50We're also going to talk about Keita and Anita.
08:53This is Keita any fucking day. Hello cupcakes how you going? I'm fucking hungry.
09:00My ankles are real sore again aye. How are you guys? Is the fridge open? I'm gonna go.
09:12So my mum is a bogan queen and my dad is a white trash gang member.
09:17They weren't expecting this hot mess but they weren't surprised because girls you know I was
09:22all up in that ultrasound. Hi mummy. My dad wears this very intricate real patchy vest you know
09:29kind of like poor Lola's makeup. So when I was eight he actually brought me a motorbike and
09:34the first time I used it I actually went zooming down a hill into a playground full of junkies
09:39and that's when I met my good friend Luna. Still makes you laugh. I guess that brings me to now
09:45where I'm a drag queen. I'm trying to win this competition and try not to get hit by Anita's nose.
09:51Thank you.
09:56My name is Luna, queen of the moon but I think there's someone else that would
10:01suit that name a lot better. We were outside the other night and uh Keita bent over and the
10:06pool tide went out. So I just came out as gay not too long ago and I was um I had a
10:18oh f**k. I f**king love everyone here.
10:30She's cracking. It's seeping out and it's really sad to watch.
10:36Oh yeah I've gotta go shave.
10:37Hello everyone my name is Lady and as well as gonorrhea, chlamydia and crabs twice I've also had hemorrhoids.
10:45Now hemorrhoids um they come from rough anal intercourse. They can also develop
10:52from obesity so I think it's fair to say that I developed hemorrhoids due to a quaint combination
10:57of the two. Now when I went to my doctor she asked me whether I was going to have hemorrhoids
11:04Now when I went to my doctor she asked me whether I needed a new prescription on my venlaf vaccine
11:10and I said actually I'd like an increase on that store-bought serotonin thank you
11:15and I have hemorrhoids. She asked me to lie down on the bed oh she did oh
11:25after a quaint conversation she asked me to bend over on the bed so I did.
11:29I
11:38Got it girl. You're all right girl. Deep breath. She gave me that face though.
11:47Oh god. Do you want to take a moment? I'm so sorry.
11:53I think that was rude.
11:57That was really rude.
12:04She was being stank to me all day and then she gave me a face when I was stank.
12:22After a quaint conversation she asked me to bend over on the bed so I did. I
12:32That was rude. That was really rude. Who was she pointing at?
12:40She was being stank to me all day and then she gave me a face when I was stank.
12:44I thought she was looking past me.
13:14I was laughing. I don't think her shade was too shady because if you know Trinity
13:31she's just a genuine bitch. You're gonna come outside and you're gonna have some air.
13:36Yeah that was so rude. It is. I just didn't like that. It is.
13:41You know she can't help having a bitch face. She was born like that.
13:45I think she's like blaming someone else for her own insecurities.
13:48I feel like I've let myself down. I've really really let myself down.
13:52You're only gonna let yourself down if you don't finish it. Yeah. Yeah. There's strength in coming
13:57back. Did you just want to do a lap of the roundabout and I'll meet you back here and
14:02you'll be a strong independent and empowered wahine. Okay. I said a walk not a run. Oh.
14:09But no a run is probably also good for you. That was just offensive.
14:16I'm gonna go in and sit down. Count to 10, 20, however long you need.
14:21Yeah. And we'll be waiting. Thanks babe.
14:31Now the doctor told me please bend over on this bed with your pants down. So I did.
14:37Face down, ass up, hold for the ready. And she turned around and laughed at me saying
14:44um I was meaning you lie down. How was I meant to know? When my uncle gives me that instruction
14:51he loves it when I bend over like that. Anyway it's safe to say that when I had to go to see
14:56the doctor for an anal fissure I knew just how to lie on that bed. Thank you.
15:01Yay!
15:06Wow lady life. I'm glad you didn't make an ass out of yourself.
15:10It takes a strong girl to come back and he did really well. Thank you. Well done.
15:15Congratulations drag stars on some hilarious moments for this week's challenge.
15:20Please excuse us while we have a few moments to deliberate on the winner.
15:24Gold, sparkles, fireworks, gas.
15:33We have a winner. The winner of this week's challenge is...
15:43Bunny Holiday!
15:47We have a Bunny Holiday. Please stand up. Please stand up. Congratulations Bunny Holiday.
15:54Hop on up to the stage. We could say that you have made a spectacular comeback and you really
15:59rose to the surface. Thank you. I mean not our comeback because I didn't do too bad last week.
16:05Madola thought I did bad, not everyone else. Now Bunny as you know with great power comes
16:11great responsibility. You get to choose the vimmest stars of this week's competition.
16:17I'm relieved that Bunny's won because she said she's not going to put me in the bottom two.
16:21I'm going to make an informed decision.
16:30Purely because of their performance, I'm going to have to pick Lady Lay
16:37and the other person I have to pick
16:39is Luna.
17:00We're not heartless bitches so we would like you both to plead your case starting with Luna.
17:05There's so many more things that I've got to show you and like I
17:09I love drag so much so I just want to keep going and this is
17:12already such a fucking cool experience so thank you so far.
17:18And Lady Lay. I think that my comedy did have great content. I want to redeem myself and I
17:26know that I have so much more with me that I'm bringing.
17:37All right well I think we've made a decision. The star that will continue to shine in the
17:42House of Drag this week is Lady Lay.
17:56Unfortunately Luna that does mean you have been eclipsed.
18:03If you could please go up to your room and pack your bags and we will see you shortly.
18:08Bye. Um thanks.
18:16Man I guess that backfired. I felt like such a bitch. Lady Lay should have gone home.
18:22All right drag stars so there we go week two and another drag star being kicked to the curb.
18:39All right Luna now unfortunately your time here at the House of Drag has come to an end
18:44and your star has been dimmed. It's okay I'm the moon so.
18:48Before you go I do have some advice for you Luna. Honesty is always the best policy.
18:54But lying is way more fun. You got it.
19:00Look at that.
19:06Bye. Oh bye Luna. Oh my god how much hair does she have? Quickly let's steal these.
19:18I'm thinking that he's just lost the prettiest queen.
19:25I don't think I should be going home. I couldn't do the worst performance.
19:30I don't know why Lady Lay's wearing flats even.