НОUSЕ ОF DRАG S01Е01 (2018)
Transcript
00:00Kina, can you believe the drag stars are coming to our house today?
00:10I know!
00:11Man of New Zealand's finest coming to our mansion.
00:13What should we do with them?
00:15Photo shoot.
00:16Oh!
00:17What about a glamour pussy challenge?
00:18Yeah!
00:19I love being pussied!
00:20But before it comes, can I have a go on your pink bear?
00:21Alright, only if I can ride your sausage.
00:22Alright, get out!
00:23Get out!
00:24Get out!
00:25Get out!
00:26Get out!
00:27Get out!
00:28Go!
00:29Go!
00:30Go!
00:31Go!
00:32Go!
00:33Go!
00:34Go!
00:35Go!
00:36Go!
00:37Go!
00:38Go!
00:39Go!
00:40Go!
00:41Go!
00:42Oh!
00:43They're late.
00:44Where are they?
00:45Bloody drag queens.
00:46I know.
00:47Oh, the first contestant of the block.
00:51She's looking very Jessica Rabbit, isn't she?
00:53Oh, look at that.
00:55I've got a vision in off-red. I wonder if the carpet matches the drapes.
00:58I would hate to find out.
00:59Hello darling!
01:00Hello!
01:01Welcome to the house of drag!
01:03Oh thank you, it's lovely to be here.
01:05You are looking stunning!
01:06My name is Lola Blades, and I am the youngest milk of Auckland.
01:12Cheers queers!
01:13Grab something to wet your whistle darling, you are going to need it.
01:17Are you excited to be here tonight?
01:19Lola Blades is a high energy performer.
01:22Yes!
01:23You've had your mouth full before haven't you?
01:25Like this?
01:26She's full of bad puns, bad jokes.
01:29That's how I remember you, much better.
01:32But always there to support and to judge.
01:35Well anyway Lola, welcome to the house of drag!
01:37We'll see you soon!
01:38Thank you darlings!
01:40Idiots!
01:43Look at this one, she's a space hawker.
01:46I'm Bunny Holiday.
01:49Hi girl, welcome to the house of drag!
01:51Thank you for having me!
01:52She's like an LA princess socialite.
01:55Don't you look absolutely questionable!
01:59Like Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears stumbling out of a car into a nightclub.
02:04Now darling, what do you hope to bring to the competition this week?
02:07Perfect prediction?
02:08I love it!
02:09See you soon!
02:12What a slut!
02:19I think a giraffe is coming down the drive.
02:22My drag name is Medulla Oblongata.
02:24She's a woman!
02:25She's certainly something!
02:26Wow, she tries!
02:27She speaks her mind and she's true to herself.
02:30Look at you popping out of your corset, absolutely lovely!
02:34And how would you describe this look Medulla?
02:36Quiche!
02:37Quiche!
02:38That does it!
02:39I enjoy a quiche!
02:40Well I must say, you seem like an egg, so get yourself into the house would ya?
02:43Fabulous!
02:46My drag persona is Miss Trinity Ice.
02:49She's a trans woman, which is my point of difference.
02:52The one and only, I'm surprised the pavement handled all of that Trinity!
02:56You walked up it!
02:57Darling, I get hoisted up in a toboggan!
03:02Hello!
03:03Hello darling!
03:05I'm Volga Tits.
03:07Look at you, we gave you a no smuggling beach balls policy!
03:10Don't you dare!
03:12I'm a one of a kind fat brat style pretty much!
03:15These boots are made for walking.
03:17That's just what they'll do.
03:19Oh, double denim!
03:22I'm Luna, I am the queen of the moon.
03:26What do you hope to bring to the competition this week?
03:28I just want to have fun and party!
03:30Give me me!
03:31We were hoping for blowies.
03:33Oh my god!
03:34Hello darling!
03:36I am Lady Lay in drag.
03:38You look amazing!
03:40Thank you!
03:41She is kind of like more goth.
03:45What about your collar, is that for any particular reason?
03:48Oh, well, some people like it if I bark a little bit when I put the collar on.
03:52That is slightly more attractive than your regular voice.
03:55Yeah, it is, isn't it?
03:56The bitch is here!
04:00Sweet buns!
04:01Oh, cheers!
04:05How are you gorgeous?
04:06I'm very good, thank you.
04:07I see you rolled out the red carpet just for me.
04:09My name is Siobhan Moriales.
04:11You look positively stoned.
04:13It's just a bit of beard hair I just rolled out.
04:15Oh yes, how many cats had to die for that?
04:18Five.
04:19She's just everything that I can't quite be as a boy.
04:23That's a lot of well-used pussy.
04:28The man, boy!
04:29Hello, handsome!
04:31I'm Hugo Girl.
04:32It's me, Yuko Girl!
04:34I'm a transgender man.
04:36Or a man, also that.
04:38My darling, you are a drag king!
04:40Great!
04:41Hugo Girl is like a hairy teenage boy.
04:44He's a much louder, more colourful version of myself.
04:47I love it!
04:48We've been stuffing our bra and you've been stuffing your dick.
04:51Oh, well, my darling, welcome!
04:52We are very excited to see what you're going to bring to the table.
04:56Oh my gosh, I love those tails.
04:59That lion tamer has well and truly tamed my pussy.
05:04Down the hatch!
05:09Ugh!
05:11I think I missed a bit.
05:14Oh, let's put some on my tits.
05:16Do you have any refills?
05:29Happy Gainers!
05:32Oh, hi!
05:33Who dat?
05:34When I saw Medulla, I was like, of course she's going to be here.
05:40Don't pretend like you don't know me.
05:41We've been good friends for a few years now.
05:43I don't.
05:44Who?
05:45I've never met you.
05:46Fancy bumping into all you ladies.
05:48I met her this early in the morning.
05:49It looks like you're about to be ready for bed.
05:51My third class.
05:53Hello.
05:54Hi.
05:55I'm Bunny.
05:56Trinity.
05:57Hi.
05:58Get an Auckland.
05:59OK, I need some Wellington.
06:00We are from Wellington.
06:01I am.
06:02Oh my god, cute.
06:03Too long.
06:04Way too long.
06:05As many dinosaurs walk the earth.
06:06Oh wow.
06:09I want a Wellington girl, but only a select few.
06:12Who would you want to come from Wellington?
06:14All four of the other Ashleys.
06:15What?
06:17Don't worry.
06:18Yay!
06:19Oh man.
06:20Is this the Wellington you ordered?
06:22This is the Ashley I ordered.
06:24Oh my god!
06:27Oh, I cannot believe.
06:29You look pretty.
06:30So do you.
06:31When I first walked in, there was obviously that divide.
06:33OK.
06:34Well, I was sitting here, but.
06:35Oh, she's picking sides already.
06:37No.
06:38There was no sides.
06:39Wellington's winning.
06:40Great drag queens come from Wellington.
06:42Hi bitches.
06:44You're not Auckland.
06:45Get on this side.
06:47No, she's Auckland.
06:48No, wait.
06:49This way.
06:50No, she's not.
06:51Oh my god.
06:52She's Auckland now, babe.
06:53So I've recently moved from Wellington to Auckland.
06:54I love a fairy queen.
06:57But I grew up in drag with the Wellington queens and they're my family.
07:04Oh my god.
07:05You look so skinny.
07:06You look so good.
07:07I love it.
07:08You guys look pedestrian.
07:09What?
07:10We look modern.
07:11Pedestrian.
07:12Modern.
07:13Pedestrian.
07:14How many times have you worn that one there, Medulla?
07:16Oh my god.
07:17Talk to me like that.
07:18That is Ladylike.
07:22I'm just coming in with my drink and I don't know where to sit.
07:25Say hello to Wellington.
07:26Hi guys.
07:27She's inside.
07:28Understood.
07:30Oh my god.
07:33Bye.
07:34I don't know where I'm meant to sit.
07:35Jesus.
07:36I'm just confused and I don't want to hurt anyone.
07:40Oh my gosh.
07:41So you're team Auckland.
07:42Got it.
07:44When I saw Chev walk in, I knew she was here to slay the party down.
07:49Lovely to see you.
07:50Cheers.
07:52Oh, and is this the Wellington side?
07:54My name's Siobhan.
07:55Lovely to meet you.
07:56Vulgar.
07:57We've heard about you.
07:59Sure have.
08:00Siobhan definitely has the worst hair piece.
08:02It doesn't make sense.
08:03Like she's wearing a pageant gown with like a nest.
08:06It'd be like if I wore a mohawk like an astronaut.
08:08Yeah.
08:12Hi ladies.
08:13You go away, girl.
08:15No.
08:16I'm here, bitch.
08:17Is this everyone?
08:18This is everyone.
08:19How quite.
08:25Thank you.
08:31Hello my darlings and welcome to House of Drag.
08:36My name's Keita, this is Anita and we have plucked you from the long white clouds.
08:43To be fair, a couple of you are from black holes as well.
08:48We have a lot planned for you and we are here to tell you that the competition starts now.
08:55Over the next seven weeks, you'll compete in a series of challenges.
08:58Each week, one of you will be sent packing until just one drag star remains to be crowned the winner of the House of Drag.
09:06The winner will take home a glittering prize package of $10,000 cash and, thanks to Chorus, a streaming package including a 55-inch LG Smart LED TV and a year's broadband.
09:20Oh, fuck.
09:21And to kick it off, we have our very first challenge, which is the Glamour Puss Challenge.
09:27So we hope you have creamed, tucked and licked those pussies, darling, because we are about to snap the story of your life.
09:38With a photo shoot!
09:42We've got one of Aotearoa's best photographers and whoever has the best photo wins.
09:47So tighten that tucking tape and let's hit it!
09:59Oh, Hugo Girl!
10:01Hi, aunties.
10:03Strike a pose, Hugo, we'll direct you.
10:06Pretend the photographer's your naughty lion and you're about to whip him on his bottom.
10:11Oh, lion.
10:13Make love to the camera.
10:14Make love to the camera.
10:16But not too much love because he forgot his tissue.
10:19That's more like a platonic flatmate situation, but sometimes you bone on the weekends.
10:23Welcome to my life.
10:27Hi!
10:28Hi, lady like.
10:30You're starring in an R18 movie.
10:32Jaws 3.
10:33Pop a squat, girl.
10:35Oh, yeah.
10:36Let them hang out.
10:37Oh, that's great.
10:38You're in the back alleyway and you've just peed your knickers a bit.
10:42You want to do a whip your hair and get out of the ocean moment.
10:46Oh, yeah.
10:48Pretend you're in like a carnival and you're one of those clowns and people are going to throw their balls in your mouth.
10:52And you're going to win a prize.
10:54Syphilis.
10:57Bring in Trinity Ice, would you?
10:58Oh, hello, Trinity.
11:00Are you ready for your clever pussy shot?
11:02Of course.
11:03Alright, strike a pose.
11:05Oh, yes.
11:06A different pose.
11:08Serve those teeth to the camera.
11:10Oh, yes.
11:11Are those from the $2 shop or are they just not happy to see anyone?
11:15Maybe don't show so much teeth.
11:16Hang on.
11:19Give us some like tiger, angry, fierce, jungle pussy.
11:23Oh, yeah.
11:24My teeth are going to fly out in a second.
11:27Put your teeth back in there.
11:28They're still in.
11:29Surprisingly.
11:31Lola Blade.
11:32Lola.
11:33Hi!
11:34Welcome to the photo dungeon.
11:36I've got high hopes for you.
11:37Please don't disappoint me.
11:39Oh, yes.
11:40Reach for the stars.
11:42Slow down and out.
11:44Someone's a bit of a slutty mutt slut slut.
11:48Oh!
11:49One handed.
11:50Are we flying domestic?
11:51Because I feel like it's going to compliment you bags nuts.
11:54But suddenly there's a fire and there's an emergency exit.
11:57Because of your hairspray, you're highly flammable.
12:00So run!
12:01Run to the exit!
12:03Oh, I think we've got a shot.
12:04We've got a shot.
12:06Oh, Shabana Borealis.
12:08Wow, don't you look like a tall glass of champagne?
12:11Or a very tall golden tampon.
12:13But wait, you've just seen the most handsome man of your life.
12:16Blow him some sweet kisses.
12:19Oh, yes.
12:20Tickle his testicles.
12:22All of a sudden you're five years old and you realise your dress is actually a propeller on a helicopter.
12:27And you're flying!
12:28You're flying!
12:29You're free!
12:30You're a tall Greek marble statue and your penis has fallen off.
12:34Oh, yeah.
12:35Hook your legs, hook your legs.
12:39Hello.
12:41Our double denim disaster.
12:44Play with your hair, Luna.
12:46The other hair on your chest.
12:48Oh, yes.
12:49Grab your top buns.
12:52Grab one top bun, one lower bun.
12:55Hop on one leg.
12:59Oh, yeah.
13:01You're going to K-Road.
13:02K-Road.
13:03You're walking down K-Road.
13:05And somebody thinks you're a prostitute.
13:06What do you do?
13:08Oh, I take money.
13:10Good job, Luna.
13:12Act cute as a bundle of joy, Bunny.
13:16Yeah, beautiful.
13:18What about getting on your hands and knees like a regular old slag?
13:22Oh, yeah.
13:24Wiggle your bottom tail and then flip around and show us your ears.
13:27Oh, yeah.
13:29Hello, Bunny.
13:31Oh, yes.
13:33Yes.
13:35Oh, yes.
13:36Go play dirty.
13:37Oh, yes.
13:38You're like a sexy Adele.
13:39You've just realised there's a half-eaten slice of pepperoni pizza under the couch.
13:43Reach for it.
13:44Reach for it.
13:45But all of a sudden you've realised the cookie jar's on top of the shelf.
13:48Oh, no.
13:49How will you ever get all of the cookies?
13:51A pregnancy shot?
13:52Yeah, a pregnancy shot.
13:54You've got twins, they're kicking.
13:56You're like a jungle pussy.
13:58Yes.
14:00Oh, yeah.
14:01That's it, girl.
14:06Hey.
14:08You've had a strong pose.
14:09That's the one, yeah.
14:11You're acting surprised.
14:13Oh, yes.
14:15Oh, yes.
14:16You want to show the world those underarms.
14:18You want to point and say, take notice, bitches.
14:20I'm a feminist icon and I'm here to show off my nipples, my underarms.
14:24And my chest.
14:31Hello, drag stars, and welcome to The Observatory.
14:36Now, how is everyone feeling about this week's challenge?
14:39So good.
14:41And I'm sure you're gagging to know how you've done.
14:44Yes.
14:45Should we see the best images from this week's challenge?
14:47Yes.
14:48Yes.
14:49All right, let's bring them up.
14:51So, we're going to start with the best images from this week's challenge.
14:55So, we're going to start with the best images from this week's challenge.
14:58Yes.
14:59All right, let's bring them up.
15:04You look like the sluttiest smurf in the village.
15:07Oh, yes.
15:08I kind of feel you've got your legs put open saying, can anyone get whiffs of my blue pubic hair?
15:12That's a move.
15:16Trinity eyes.
15:17It's nice to see that you've put the circus tent to good use.
15:20I got it off you.
15:21I was wondering what had happened to my satin sheets.
15:25Wow.
15:26That's a couple of California kings sewing together, isn't it?
15:29Trinity wouldn't know.
15:33Lola.
15:34Fiery, fiery Lola blaze.
15:36Look at that.
15:40Your face looks pained.
15:42I've just got a little bit of hair stuck in my toe.
15:44You and Anita having rendezvous in the bathroom.
15:47Well, if you have hair in your mouth, it's maybe because you were kissing her back.
15:53Oh, I love this.
15:57Now, you closed your eyes, Siobhan. Was that for any particular reason?
16:00I was worried about wetting myself in fright.
16:03To be fair, it kind of looks like you are in mid-peak.
16:10Luna.
16:12Do you feel you were getting lower than your morals at this point of the evening?
16:16I can go Lola.
16:17So can your morals.
16:22Here you go, girl.
16:24What an absolutely delicious pose, Hugo.
16:27What did you try and bring to it today?
16:29Chummanship, horniness, the usual.
16:31Well, you certainly have me at horniness.
16:37Is she a giraffe?
16:39That mouth is so open, it's like you're waiting for a dick to fly in it.
16:42She's waiting for it.
16:43Oh, but with a face like that, I'm sure you haven't had many.
16:46Can you talk us through your look, darling?
16:48So I was going for a very fat sex symbol.
16:51It kind of reminds me of Christmas, actually, because you've got a couple of hands.
16:54Oh, I'm smuggling a few.
17:01I feel like you've got a very strong pose.
17:03You've got a strong leg and an extremely strong jawline.
17:07Thank you, I'm a man.
17:09This looks like you have just slept with a man, he has left,
17:12and you realise he gave you Monopoly money.
17:14That is gorgeous.
17:19Congratulations, drag stars.
17:21You have all shone beautifully.
17:23But there can only be one star that shines the brightest.
17:26That's right.
17:27So if you would please excuse us for one moment while we deliberate.
17:30I'm going to be a bit of a drag queen.
17:32I'm going to be a bit of a drag queen.
17:34I'm going to be a bit of a drag queen.
17:36So if you would please excuse us for one moment while we deliberate.
17:39All right, Sheila.
17:41Lightbulbs.
17:42Television.
17:43Lightbulbs.
17:44Aerials.
17:45Mermaids.
17:46Mermaids.
17:48We've made our decision.
17:51The brightest star of this week's challenge is...
17:56..Midula Omogata!
18:03Oh, my God, I won.
18:05Oh, shocking.
18:07You're probably all wondering how someone gets sent home.
18:11Oh, no, I hate this.
18:13So pretty much what is going to happen is the brightest star of the week,
18:16who this week, as we know, is Midula,
18:18gets to choose the bottom two.
18:24No, this is terrible.
18:26That's right, so, Midula, if you would please make your way
18:28to the stage of the observatory.
18:30No, I hate this!
18:33Oh, no, I hate this so much.
18:35So, Midula, it is up to you to choose the bottom two,
18:38but know that Kido and I have the ultimate say
18:40and we get to choose out of those two
18:42who gets kicked out of the House of Drags today.
18:44All right, I think to be the most fair,
18:47I'm going to have to go Iniminimanimon.
18:50What? No.
18:51No.
18:52Yes.
18:53No, no, no.
18:54No, no.
18:55I can't do it.
18:57I'm just, like, getting to know some of these people
19:00and I'm friends with some of these people.
19:03We're all in this together and it's hard to pick.
19:05It also needs to be noted, Midula Oblongata,
19:08that a bright star also has the balls and courage
19:11to make these big decisions.
19:13I hate this.
19:14It feels like we've been waiting for hours.
19:16LAUGHTER
19:17OK, nothing personal, I love all of you.
19:24But, like, I picked Siobhan.
19:26Why me?
19:28But, fuck, what was wrong with my photo?
19:33And I picked Monique.
19:36I'm confused.
19:38Cos I didn't do the worst.
19:41All right, Midula, you have made your decision.
19:43Well, because they made you do this.
19:45Please join the rest of your drag stars.
19:47I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
19:53Unfortunately, only one star can continue to shine.
20:03I think we've made a decision.
20:06And the star that will continue to shine is...
20:16..Bunny Holiday.
20:19You can make your way back with your other drag stars.
20:22APPLAUSE
20:27Siobhana Borealis, you are absolutely delicious.
20:30We have loved having this experience with you.
20:32Unfortunately, your light has been dimmed.
20:35We will need to ask you to make your way out of the House of Drag.
20:40I feel crushed.
20:41This was going to be such a massive thing
20:43and now it's like a firework that petered out too quickly.
20:49You deserve it. You deserve it.
20:51It was a journey with you.
20:55Leave your dresses for me, please.
20:57LAUGHTER
21:00APPLAUSE
21:09All right, drag stars, now you know how this is going to go down.
21:13The competition is going to be fierce.
21:15At the end of these seven weeks,
21:17only one of your stars will continue to shine.
21:19On behalf of Kida and myself,
21:21we can't wait to see what you bring to the table.
21:23So on that note, go and get yourselves out of drag
21:26So on that note, go and get yourselves out of drag
21:29and let's have some dinner.
21:31APPLAUSE
21:38This is going the wrong way.
21:39Oi!
21:41Sheilas!
21:43I've got a bone to pick with you.
21:45You two...
21:47Oh!
21:53Oh.
21:55You're looking a bit moist.
21:57Yes, thanks, girl!
22:01Do you want a hand?
22:04Oh!
22:08Shavonna Boy, Alice, your star has been dimmed
22:11and your time in the house of drag comes to an untimely end.
22:14But before you go, we'd like to give you a bit of advice.
22:17Just remember, whenever ordering cheeseburgers,
22:20always request steamed buns.
22:24Da-da-da-da-da!
22:26Fuck off!
22:30I think there's something fishy about this competition, girls.
22:36It was her.
22:43It feels wrong to be the first out of the house of drag.
22:46I was not the weakest picture today.
22:48This is the end for Shavonne.
22:50Life goes on.
22:52Wigs will dry, dresses will be cleaned,
22:55and I'm sure I'm going to spout another cliché
22:57before I end up down the end of the road.