Refusing to sleep on a pull out couch during vacation
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00:00I, 28F, planned a family trip with my parents and my brother, 25M.
00:06Before I officially booked the Airbnb that we would all be splitting the price on, I
00:11sent each of them the listing, showing how many bedrooms, what accommodations, etc.
00:17I made sure to double check with my brother as the house is only two bedrooms.
00:21One room has two full-size beds, the other a king bed.
00:25I asked if he would mind sharing a room with me as three bedrooms in this area were harder
00:29to find.
00:30He said it was fine because we'd each have our own bed and asked me to book it.
00:35Once our parents signed off on it, I booked it.
00:38When we arrive, before we even have our first night's sleep, my brother declares he thinks
00:43he and I should alternate sleeping on the pull-out couch in the living room.
00:47I say I'm not going to do that.
00:49If he doesn't want to sleep in the room designated for us, that's fine.
00:53But I'm not sleeping on a pull-out on vacation when there's two beds.
00:57I asked why he doesn't want to share a room and why this didn't come up sooner.
01:01He said we were adults and he was too old to share a room.
01:05I asked why he didn't bring this up sooner.
01:08He said he figured I'd agree to the pull-out situation.
01:11I said he shouldn't have assumed or at least had a conversation with me.
01:15He kept insisting and I said no.
01:17If he wants to sleep out there a whole vacation, fine.
01:21But I'm not alternating when I paid for a bed.
01:24Him sleeping on the pull-out lead to several conflicts with our parents as he'd get mad
01:28if they came into the living room in the morning while he was still sleeping but as they pointed
01:33out, it's the living room, a public space.
01:37If people wanted to hang out in the living room at night, he'd start bugging us to go
01:41into our room so he could sleep as early as 8pm.
01:44We're on vacation, we're going to stay up a little later and hang out.
01:49I always offered to let him sleep in the extra bed in the room but he refused unless I promised
01:53that I would sleep on the pull-out that night.
01:56Which I didn't do.
01:57By the end of the 7-day, 6-night, trip, he was irritated with all of us over this.
02:04My parents and I feel that he's the one who put himself in this situation and that there
02:08was an alternative to him sleeping on the couch but he chose not to.
02:12However, my brother is insisting that I should have swapped with him.
02:16Comment 1.
02:17NTA but also your brother is acting oddly.
02:20Why on earth lie that you're okay with it, then demand the room to yourself and then
02:24pick a living room pull-out couch as the hill to die on?
02:28Sounds like he was making everyone miserable because he didn't get his way but neither
02:32was he gaining anything from his stupid stance.
02:35What was the point of any of this?
02:38Has he apologized?
02:39Does he seem to feel bad about it?
02:42Is he usually this entitled?
02:44Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
02:48Comment 2.
02:49NTA but also your brother is acting oddly.
02:50Why on earth lie that you're okay with it, then demand the room to yourself and then
02:51pick a living room pull-out couch as the hill to die on?
02:52Sounds like he was making everyone miserable because he didn't get his way but neither
02:53was he gaining anything from his stupid stance.
02:54What was the point of any of this?
02:55Has he apologized?
02:56Does he seem to feel bad about it?
02:57Is he usually this entitled?
02:58Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
02:59Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:00Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:01Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:02Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:03Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:04Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:05Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:06Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:07Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:08Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:09Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:10Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:11Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:12Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:13Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:14Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:15Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:16Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:17Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:18Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:19Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:20Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:21Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:22Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:23Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:24Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:25Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:26Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:27Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:28Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:29Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:30Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:31Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:32Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:33Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:34Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:35Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:36Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:37Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:38Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:39Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:40Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:41Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:42Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:43Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:44Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:45Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:46Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:47Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:48Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:49Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:50Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:51Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:52Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:53Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:54Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:55Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:56Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:57Why did he think it was acceptable for you to take the couch but not him?
03:58So I'm 22M, my wife is 21F... we have been together since childhood, we have been dating
04:05since I was 17, problem is she met with an accident when she was 11 & since then she
04:10couldn't walk, we are working on it but it isn't promising at all.
04:15So we got married 8 months ago, my family and hers and our friends all joined us, my
04:20family criticised me for marrying so early and being rash, I have two elder brothers
04:25they are two years apart, and one elder sister who's four years older than me.
04:30They attended my wedding and I thought they accepted her, but a few days ago, we had a
04:34family dinner cause finally my eldest sister was going to get married, everything is going
04:39good, we joked around, drank, ate, danced etc etc.
04:45My wife was sleepy, so I took her upstairs and put her to sleep, she can't handle alcohol
04:50at all, I came downstairs and after a while, out of nowhere my sister said that it's better
04:55if my wife is not present in her wedding, I thought it was a joke so I laughed, she
05:00said she was serious, I asked her why, she simply said that she want me to be beside
05:05her and not carry my wife around.
05:08I was like what?
05:09She's not a burden she's family, and I told her that, she said after that, she accepts
05:14my wife, but I will end up paying too much attention my wife instead of being with her,
05:19and it's only reasonable that a brother should always be with her sister during her wedding.
05:24I just said I will always be with her, she doesn't have to worry about my wife, that's
05:29when my brothers came in, they said that I have done enough for my wife, and it's time
05:33for me to do something for my sister, they said I should've married another woman, instead
05:38of a burden.
05:39I looked at my dad and he just gave me a sign to calm down, but my mother joined as well
05:44and told me that my siblings are right, my wife shouldn't join the wedding cause I won't
05:48pay attention to my siblings and wedding and keep taking care of my wife.
05:53I finally lost my cool, after hearing all this I went sober, I said if my wife is not
05:59invited, then I'm not invited either, I said I'm leaving, as I was going upstairs, to wake
06:04my wife up and leaving, my family stopped me and said I'm being unreasonable, I said
06:09I'm not in the mood rn, if I hear another offensive word, I'll do something we all will
06:14regret.
06:15So I just grabbed my wife and went back to home, she asked why we left, I said I got
06:20urgent work in the morning, my boss called me on short notice, she bought it, but my
06:25family keep saying I was in the wrong for threatening them.
06:29Comment 1.
06:30Dude, you are an awesome husband, especially for someone so young.
06:35This old guy is proud of you.
06:37Your wife is your primary family.
06:40Everyone else is secondary.
06:42Including your sister and mother.
06:44There is no way I'd go to the wedding now.
06:47Even if they invite your wife.
06:49You know their true feelings.
06:51They are shitty.
06:53Take your wife somewhere that day and don't give a second thought to your horrible family.
06:57I would post pictures of that day with a few comments about how you got to spend the day
07:02with the only person in your life that matters to you.
07:06Comment 2.
07:07NTA.
07:08This is like saying since you love your wife now you don't love your sister anymore.
07:13That's silly.
07:14You can love them both differently.
07:17For both the love, care and attention are different.
07:20You love your wife differently than your family and your family needs to understand that.
07:26And if you married a burden.
07:28Then it's yours, not theirs to complain.
07:31So burden or not, they shouldn't be complaining either ways.
07:35If this was their daughter then they wouldn't have said something so insensitive about your
07:39wife.
07:40Comment 3.
07:42I get that you are trying to protect your wife's feelings, but this will get back to
07:46her.
07:47Please explain to her what happened and that you believe your family to be toxic and that
07:51you will be going low contact with them for a while.
07:54Block everyone but your father.
07:56Call him and tell him you will not be attending the wedding and have blocked everyone except
08:01him until you and your wife get an apology from everyone involved.
08:05Let him know you consider your wife your first and only priority.
08:09If your family cannot handle that you do not need or want them.
08:13Be prepared to go and stay North Carolina with everyone for an extended period of time
08:18to protect your wife.
08:20NTA.
08:21I'm, 22M, a twin and I have a twin sister Ren.
08:29When Ren and I were 4 our mom died from liver cancer.
08:33She was 30.
08:34I know that would be difficult for dad.
08:37Moving from a happily married father of two to a widowed father of two with no family
08:41close enough, emotionally, for support would be a lot.
08:45But he was a better dad to my sister than to me and that started before mom died.
08:50It just stood out more after.
08:53My dad was an affectionate and caring father to Ren.
08:56She was his little girl and had cherished her.
08:59If she fell he would pick her up, kiss her tears and clean her cuts.
09:04He was gentle and compassionate with her.
09:06When she was upset she could sleep in bed with him.
09:09He'd snuggle with her on the couch.
09:12He'd pull her out of school sometimes and take her for father-daughter dates.
09:16When she was bullied, he was riding the school hard to deal with it and he fought so hard
09:21for her.
09:22He went out of his way to make sure she was loved and supported.
09:26Growing up I heard the words tough and strong a lot.
09:29I heard the word man a lot and I was still so young.
09:33He never cuddled me or kissed away my tears or carried me.
09:37He never even said I love you to me.
09:40There was nothing gentle about him when it came to me.
09:43He was rougher, harsher, he expected me to be tough, to be a man, to be strong.
09:49If I had a nightmare I was sent right back to bed.
09:52When I got bullied horrifically in high school my dad didn't want to know.
09:56There were times Ren and I would both fall.
09:59We'd both be young too.
10:01And even if I was bleeding more, she was the kid he comforted.
10:05It was never me.
10:07Not if it was both of us falling and not if it was just me.
10:11He never did fatherson dates.
10:13The most interest he ever showed in me was when I could help him do guy chores, like
10:17moving stuff.
10:19I tried to approach this with him on a few different occasions but I never got to finish.
10:24He always cut me off for one reason or another.
10:28It got to a point where I expected it if I tried.
10:31I moved in with my best friend's family after I finished high school, at home.
10:36Ren lived at home for two more years.
10:39Dad only called me when he wanted something.
10:42He did it again the other day and I decided this shit had to end.
10:46I told him I'm not a toy he can take out when he needs me and then discard me once I've
10:51served my purpose.
10:53I told him I'm his son, not his helper.
10:56And I brought up how he never says he misses me, or says I love you, he never ever showed
11:01me love or affection and I wasn't going to tolerate it anymore.
11:05Dad sent me an email in response, he emails better than he texts, saying I was being very
11:11harsh.
11:12He said I was never his little girl and boys are raised different.
11:16I replied I was never trying to be his little girl but I was his little boy and he should
11:20have shown me love too.
11:22He responded again that I accused him of discarding me like a possession which was unjustified.
11:28Comment 1.
11:29NTA, I swear some dads, some not all, have this toxic mindset of having to be loving
11:35and doting for their daughter but will think it makes the son weak if he does the same
11:39for him.
11:40I don't get it.
11:42Like showing your child you love them isn't weak.
11:45You deserve better.
11:47Comment 2.
11:48Unfortunately, you are never going to get your dad to see your point of view.
11:53Which is absolutely valid.
11:55Stop being available for him.
11:57He calls and wants something your response is sorry, I can't help you with that.
12:02No other explanation necessary.
12:05A man isn't afraid to show emotions, especially to their children.
12:09The old adage of raising boys to be tough is why men beat women and are bullies in general.
12:15Please get some counseling so you can heal, start paying attention to successful men and
12:20watch how they treat not only their family but the people they work with.
12:25Comment 3.
12:26Unfortunately, you are never going to get your dad to see your point of view.
12:31Which is absolutely valid.
12:33Stop being available for him.
12:35He calls and wants something your response is sorry, I can't help you with that.
12:40No other explanation necessary.
12:42A man isn't afraid to show emotions, especially to their children.
12:47The old adage of raising boys to be tough is why men beat women and are bullies in general.
12:53Please get some counseling so you can heal, start paying attention to successful men and
12:58watch how they treat not only their family but the people they work with.
13:02I, 27F, refurbish purses, both luxury and sentimental, as a lucrative side hustle.
13:12Sometimes I'll also go to thrift stores and see if I can find purses that people have
13:16discarded and either sell them or give them as gifts.
13:21About 6 months ago, I found a black latico leathers tote that was in great condition
13:25and decided to keep it for myself.
13:28I have a pretty maximalist aesthetic so I make it my own by tying various scarves and
13:33beads around the handle periodically.
13:35I love this bag and I love it even more than it only cost me $8.
13:40My husband, 28M, and I eat dinner at my mill's house quite often and she is the originator
13:46of the clean girl aesthetic.
13:49Everything in her house is very white and minimal.
13:52Her style is also this way and she only wears neutrals.
13:56I say this because when I first came over with my new bag, she had said how loud it
14:00was.
14:02From then on, every time we went over to her house she always made some sort of, you still
14:07carrying that thing around everywhere?
14:09comment.
14:10It got to the point that I just started leaving it in the car.
14:14A month ago, though, we all went out to a nicer restaurant and I brought my bag in,
14:19to which my mill scoffed and said, please leave that ugly thing in the car.
14:24It's so embarrassing.
14:26This struck a nerve and we had a little tiff over it, to which it ended with her making
14:30a comment that she was going to buy me another bag so she didn't have to look at mine anymore.
14:35In the moment, I didn't take her seriously and I honestly forgot the whole comment entirely.
14:41Last week, we went over for dinner at her house when she met us at the door with a
14:46huge smile.
14:47She grabbed my arm and rushed me to the other room and told me she had something to show
14:51me.
14:52There was a Kate Spade Perfect Large Tote in a yellow-slash-beige color.
14:57Put it on, she said.
14:59Don't you love it?
15:01That's when I realized that she had bought this for me and I said, I really appreciate
15:05the gesture, but if you're going to get me a bag, it would be nice to go shopping together
15:09so that I can get something that is more my style.
15:13She told me that it was final sale and when I told her that she should keep it for herself,
15:17she blew up and started calling me ungrateful.
15:20I told her I wasn't going to take something that I wouldn't use, let alone didn't like
15:25and she started crying.
15:27My husband and I left and he told me I should have just taken the bag and used it when we
15:31went out with her.
15:33For me, something expensive like that should be used by someone who really likes it and
15:37it's obvious she bought it to project herself onto me.
15:41Comment 1.
15:42N.T.A.
15:43As long as your bag doesn't have something lewd or profane on it, she's out of line asking
15:48you to remove it just because she finds it ugly.
15:51It's inappropriate for her to try to project her aesthetic preferences on you.
15:56This wasn't just a poorly chosen, thoughtless gift where she was misguided but just wanted
16:01to get you something nice in good faith.
16:03This sounds more like her trying to make her specifically trying to alter your preferences
16:07to something she finds more acceptable.
16:10You shouldn't have to do that, and you were right not to take it under these circumstances.
16:16Comment 2.
16:17When it comes to gifts, isn't it the thought that counts?
16:21When the thought is, your tacky ass bag embarrasses me, so I bought you something else that won't
16:26shame me when we're in public, I'm pretty sure you're under no obligation to graciously
16:30accept.
16:31N.T.A.