Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00That landlubber's never going to make safe harbor.
00:24No, Mr. Clamp.
00:26No, Mr. Clamp.
00:28They took the top of the merger between the two companies.
00:31What about the clamp, George?
00:33I'm through with it now, Clamp.
00:35I'm just going for a walk, that's all.
00:37Please don't do this.
00:43Yep, I said he wouldn't make it.
00:46You did, Mr. Clamp.
00:49Damn blast-off reporters!
00:51Damn blast-off photographers!
00:55What's the matter, Uncle Percy?
00:57Couldn't get the sea chisels to clamp again.
00:59Are you going out?
01:01You're not going to meet that George Caffey, I trust, Zenobia?
01:03Don't be silly, Uncle Percy.
01:05I will not have you associating with these theatrical good-for-nothings!
01:08I'm going to call on Bertie Wooster.
01:10Bertie Wooster? I didn't know he was in New York.
01:12Can we please have a little less noise, Daddy?
01:15I am trying to write.
01:18Sorry, France, my dear.
01:37Well, Jeeves, what news?
01:39The costumiers have delivered your costume for Sunday's forfeit to thy balls.
01:43Abraham Lincoln? Yes, sir.
01:45I must say I'm looking forward to donning the old whiskers and stovepipe hat.
01:48Anything else?
01:49Miss Hopwood was here earlier, sir, with Mr. Caffey.
01:52Was she, by Jove? I wish I'd seen the young troutling.
01:55I gather that she and Mr. Caffey have an understanding, sir.
01:59Well, well, well.
02:01Time to dust off the old grey topper and sponge-bag trousers, eh?
02:04It certainly seems so, sir,
02:06though Miss Zenobia impressed upon me the necessity of keeping the information a secret.
02:10Really? I can't think why.
02:13Talking of dusting things off, Jeeves, am I right in thinking that today is your birthday?
02:17It's very good of you to remember, sir.
02:19Any little gifts I can get you while I'm out?
02:21The sky's the limit, Jeeves.
02:23That's extremely kind of you, sir.
02:25There has recently been published a new and authoritatively annotated edition
02:28of the works of the philosopher Spinoza.
02:30Since you are so generous, I would appreciate that very much.
02:33Spinoza, eh?
02:34It shall be delivered to your door in a plain van without delay.
02:42Good morning.
02:43Oh, good morning, sir.
02:44My book, Spinoza. Collected whatnots.
02:47I'll see if we have it in stock, sir.
03:04Gracious! Bertie!
03:06Is it really you?
03:08Florence! Good heavens!
03:10I fancy meeting you.
03:12And in a bookshop of all places.
03:14What trash are you reading?
03:17Spindrift?
03:19Why, Bertie, fancy you buying my novel.
03:22I must autograph it for you.
03:24Oh, autograph it. Yes, quite. Good air.
03:27I wish I could interest Darcy Cheesewright in something other than the police gazette.
03:32What, Stilton Cheesewright? I didn't know you knew Stilton.
03:35Darcy and I are engaged to be married.
03:37Why do you call him Stilton?
03:39It's cool. It's a joke.
03:41I don't understand.
03:43No. Well, old Stilton's not still in the police force, is he?
03:47Well, yes, he is.
03:48How's that going?
03:49Extremely well, as a matter of fact.
03:51We don't have your Spinoza, sir, and I can get it for you for tomorrow.
03:55Oh, well, fine, if you would, yes.
03:57Bertie, do you really read Spinoza?
04:00Oh, rather, yes.
04:02If I have a spare moment, you'll generally find me curled up with Spinoza's latest.
04:06Well, you know, we ought to see each other more, Bertie.
04:10Yes, absolutely.
04:12Well, to Lufthansa.
04:14Excuse me, sir, that's $1.75 for the book.
04:18Book?
04:20Oh, yes, of course.
04:36So, you and Nobby Hotwood are planning to leap in among the orange blossoms, eh, Georgie?
04:40Absolutely.
04:41Yes, I heard the news from Jeeves and was much stirred.
04:43I've always considered Nobby to be an extremely sound young potato.
04:46Cheers.
04:48So, what did you want to see me about?
04:50Our Uncle Percy disapproves of the match.
04:53But why? You're one of our most eligible young bachelors.
04:55You make pots of money writing those plays of yours, and what about that offer to go to Hollywood?
04:59Morpleston's just suspicious of people in the theatre.
05:02Oh, no, it's Cheesewright again.
05:04Stilton Cheesewright?
05:06How odd, I was just talking about him.
05:08Alcohol.
05:09He's engaged to Morpleston's daughter.
05:11Yes, I know. Poor devil, I was engaged to her once, you know.
05:13Alcohol. I don't know how they're getting it, Kowalski.
05:16What ho, Stilton?
05:18Bertie Wooster.
05:20The same?
05:23What's that you're drinking?
05:25Oh, it's dashed East Nobby, Stilton.
05:27Alcohol?
05:29I'm surprised at you, Bertie.
05:31Don't you know there are laws against alcohol in New York State?
05:34Well, yes.
05:35I'm over here doing a course with the New York Police Department,
05:38and I must say I'm surprised at the lax way their prohibition laws are enforced.
05:43Well, Cheesewright's on a one-man campaign to stiffen them up a bit.
05:47Oh, jolly good. Well done, Stilton.
05:50You know, funnily enough, I just ran into Florence.
05:53Oh, I wasn't aware you knew Lady Florence.
05:55Old Florence? Oh, good Lord, yes, yes. We're old chums.
05:58Known her long?
06:00Um, a certain time.
06:03Know her well?
06:05Um, pretty well.
06:08Fairly well.
06:11Well, tolerably well.
06:15I've met her, I think.
06:17Dark girl, isn't she?
06:18Sorry to break this up, but I have to get back to rehearsals.
06:21Walk back with me, will you, Bertie? See what you think of the show.
06:30George, we're in trouble.
06:32Well, not again.
06:33The girls had a meeting. They say if they don't get their money by Monday,
06:36they won't be dancing on Tuesday, they'll be walking.
06:38Billy, Billy, Billy, talk to them.
06:40I've talked.
06:41They're serious.
06:42Look, tell them they'll get their money.
06:44Hey.
06:46Anything I can do, George?
06:48Yes, it's quite simple, really.
06:50There's this old fellow called Chichester Clown.
06:52Chaffer owns all those boats?
06:53Yeah.
06:54Thing is, he wants to sell all those boats to Warpleston and retire.
06:56When he does, he's going to put $50,000 in the show.
06:59Well, that's no problem. Warpleston's got lots of money.
07:01If the press get wind of it, the price of the shares will skyrocket.
07:04It won't be worth doing the deal.
07:06And they're watching like a hawk.
07:08Well, can't they just write each other a letter?
07:10You know, dear Clown, here's the cheque, regards to all the little Clowns.
07:12Apparently it's essential that they meet to complete the deal.
07:15If we could just think of a way of arranging a meeting for them,
07:18somewhere where the press can't get at them.
07:20Wouldn't do you and Nobby any harm with old Warpleston either, I should imagine.
07:23Boats, eh?
07:26George, your troubles are over.
07:29Yes, the Worcester brain has slipped smoothly into gear. You leave it to me.
07:32I'll go and see Warpleston right away.
07:42Do you want somebody?
07:44Well, yes, I do, as a matter of fact.
07:46Edwin, I want to see your father.
07:48That's a quarter.
07:49What do you mean, that's a quarter?
07:51Will you give me a quarter and I won't tell him you hit me?
07:54Why should they think I hit you?
07:56Because I'll tell them you did.
08:00You're a despicable little termite, Edwin, do you know that?
08:03You shouldn't spoil him, Bertie.
08:05Ah, what hope, Lawrence?
08:07Run along, Edwin, dear.
08:09Ah, what a dear little chap he is.
08:16You shouldn't have come, Bertie.
08:18Things are over between us.
08:20We haven't quite.
08:21I do know that you are trying to change,
08:23cultivating your mind,
08:25considering at last the serious questions in life, but...
08:28It's too late, Bertie.
08:30Hello, Daddy.
08:32Oh, Florence, my dear.
08:34What are you doing with him?
08:36Bertie's come to see you, Daddy.
08:38I'll leave you to it.
08:40Not chasing round my daughter again, are you?
08:42Edwin, no, no, no. May I sit down?
08:44I'd rather you didn't.
08:45What for?
08:46Well, I hear that you've got a problem.
08:48What's that got to do with you?
08:50You think I can say without fear of contradiction that I've got the answer?
08:54My dear chap, I could easily get Thomas to drive you home.
08:57It's only a five-minute walk.
08:58Well, you mustn't tire yourself, you know.
09:00Hello, Uncle Percy.
09:02Bertie, what are you doing here?
09:04This fine young man has the answer to my problem, Zelovia.
09:08Goodbye, Worcester.
09:09I'll telephone Clam right away.
09:13By this evening,
09:14you will be able to play on the old chromosome of stringed instrument.
09:17It's all in hand.
09:19Hold off the larver and bar, Fredrick, eh?
09:22Larver and bar, Mr. Clam.
09:24Werpelston and Clam meet, the deal is done,
09:26and George gets his 50,000 green ones for the show.
09:28Most satisfactory, sir.
09:30But your master's Machiavellian wiles do not end there.
09:33Just think of it.
09:35The meeting is successfully concluded.
09:37Werpelston, overwhelmed with gratitude,
09:39addresses Bertram in broken tones.
09:41If there's anything I can do for you, Worcester, anything.
09:43Well, as a matter of fact,
09:46If there's anything I can do for you, Worcester, anything.
09:48Well, as a matter of fact,
09:49Werpelston, old biscuit there is, replies Bertram.
09:51You can let Nobby marry Georgie Caffin.
09:53Highly ingenious, sir.
09:55It's going like clockwork, Jeeves.
09:57So far, sir.
10:08There they are!
10:09Hold them both!
10:11My God!
10:12Put me to stand, for heaven's sake!
10:16Go that way!
10:17No, no, no, no, go that way!
10:19Come on, all of you, come on!
10:23Come on!
10:26Oh, no!
10:33So, how old do you have to be
10:34before you can marry without Uncle Percy's care?
10:3621. In a year's time.
10:38There you are, then. Just wait a year.
10:40But George leaves for Hollywood next month.
10:42And I don't think he ought to be allowed to go to Hollywood
10:44without a wife at his side,
10:46to keep his mind off the local fauna.
10:48Nobby, there can be no love where there is not perfect trust.
10:50Who told you that?
10:52Jeeves, I imagine. Sounds like one of his.
10:54Well, Jeeves is an idiot.
10:56Nobby, I've just had the most brilliant idea.
10:59Oh, no.
11:00The trouble with that lake business is it was too complicated.
11:02Simplicity, that's the keynote.
11:04This isn't another idea for getting Clam and Uncle Percy together.
11:07Absolutely.
11:08Yes, the simplicity of genius is a phrase
11:10you may find springing unbidden to your lips.
11:12Uncle Percy's never going to listen to you again.
11:15He will this time.
11:20Jeeves, come forth. Your master has had a wonderful idea.
11:23I want a word with you, Worcester.
11:27Ah, Mr Cheesewright has been waiting for you, sir.
11:30Yes, yes, so I see. Well, thank you, Jeeves.
11:32Well, what ho's talking?
11:34Don't what ho me. I know why you're in New York.
11:37You're here for a bit of snake in the grassing.
11:40Snake in the grassing?
11:42You came to sneak round Florence.
11:44My dear chap.
11:45You said you only knew Florence fairly well.
11:48Florence has now confessed that you and she had once been engaged.
11:52Really?
11:54Good Lord, yes.
11:56Yes, you know, she's absolutely right.
11:58It comes back to me now. Yes, we were.
12:00Long time ago.
12:01And the whole thing's over now, eh?
12:03Oh, definitely.
12:04Then how do you account for this?
12:06You're dirty with love from Florence.
12:09Ah, yes, yes, that's rather amusing there.
12:11Listen to me, Worcester.
12:13If I catch you saying so much as one word to Lady Florence...
12:16I wouldn't.
12:18No. And you'd better not.
12:26And no writing to her either.
12:28No sneaky little notes delivered by some seedy go-between.
12:31I know all those games.
12:33Just remember, I'll be watching you, Worcester.
12:36You may not see me, but I'll be watching you.
12:45Mr Cheesewright has gone right off his cadouver, Jeeves.
12:48Indeed, sir. He did seem somewhat overstimulated when he arrived.
12:55I must say, Jeeves, I don't like the way that Lady Florence is looking.
12:58What are you doing, Jeeves?
13:00Laying the table for your dinner, sir.
13:02No, that table is the very article of furniture...
13:04across which the captains of industry, Werpelsden and Clam...
13:07will be meeting each other face-to-face at last in about ten minutes' time.
13:10You'll pardon me asking, sir, but I'm meant to understand...
13:12that this apartment is to be the venue for another attempt at a secret meeting...
13:15between Lord Werpelsden and Mr Clam.
13:17You are indeed, Jeeves.
13:19Yes, the legendary Worcester Cunningham, a nipple farmer, has bobbed up once again.
13:22Even if the press should follow him, what could be more natural than that?
13:24Lord Werpelsden should be paying a social call on an old family friend.
13:27And Chichester Clam could come up via the back stairs.
13:29Rather a long climb for an elderly gentleman, sir.
13:33Longish, Jeeves, longish.
13:35These tycoons are tough, though, you know.
13:38Lord Werpelsden, what have you got to tell us?
13:40How about a statement, Lord Werpelsden?
13:42Gentlemen, this is a purely private visit to an old family friend, Mr Bertram Woodstock.
13:45Well, what about the Clam deal?
13:47There is no Clam deal.
13:48Are you sure?
13:49That's not what we've heard.
13:51Oh, this is just ridiculous!
13:53Hey, get back! Get back! Get back!
13:55What are you doing?
14:00Good evening, Lord Werpelsden.
14:02Good evening, Woodstock.
14:04I think this might work, you know.
14:06Bound to.
14:07Has the back door opened, Jeeves?
14:08Yes, sir.
14:09Would you...
14:10Oh.
14:29Oh.
14:50Hello.
14:52Oh, they're always late, these tycoons.
14:54Yes, yes, the Clam is never late.
14:56Where's the back entrance?
15:00Oh.
15:06Ah!
15:08Give me the letter.
15:09Give me the letter!
15:10Oh, come on, you seedy little girl between your...
15:13Whistle.
15:14Whistle.
15:19Okay, Jeeves, we got him.
15:21Come on, come on.
15:22Hey!
15:23Ah!
15:24What's going on?
15:25Hey!
15:26What are you doing?
15:29You numbskull!
15:30Leave the rest of the judges to Clam!
15:32Go!
15:49Darcy Cheesewriter's an overbearing, possessive idiot.
15:52Oh, come, come.
15:54Splendid fellow, Stilton.
15:55Darcy Cheesewriter's an uncouth Cossack.
15:58Isn't that one of those things clergymen wear?
16:00He told me about his visit to you last night.
16:02I can only apologise to you from the bottom of my heart.
16:05Oh, well, think nothing of it.
16:07But he had no right to talk to you the way he did.
16:09He doesn't own me.
16:10No.
16:11And I told him as much.
16:12I told him that modern enlightened thought
16:14looks on marriage as a partnership between equals.
16:17He then says something unforgivable about modern enlightened thought.
16:20Yes, well, look, Florence, I mean, hold, Stilton.
16:22Good Lord, I bet your remorse is gnawing at you.
16:24You know, he loves you devotedly.
16:26This is official. I happen to know.
16:28Whether he loves me or not is not at issue.
16:31Well, he's also very fond of modern enlightened thought.
16:34He said so only the other day.
16:35You know, if you give Stilton the buns rush,
16:37you'll kick yourself for the rest of your life.
16:43Oh, Darcy, you are extraordinary.
16:47So quixotic.
16:48It's what I love about you.
16:50Nobody here in you would dream
16:51it is your dearest wish to marry me yourself.
16:54Well...
16:55No, let us have no more misunderstandings.
16:57Oh, I'm only thankful I've seen the meaning
16:59of your shy overtures in time.
17:01I will be your wife, Bertie. I will.
17:24Georgie, I'm engaged to Florence again.
17:27Ah, well, congratulations.
17:29That's a bit sudden, isn't it?
17:30Yes, well, Florence is like a volcano.
17:32You go around thinking it's been extinct for centuries,
17:34and suddenly you're covered in red-hot lava.
17:36Sure, sure.
17:38This number's not working, you know.
17:40How did it go, by the way?
17:41Go? How did what go?
17:43Your plan with Warbleston.
17:44It was a disaster.
17:45Stilton Cheesewright arrested the party of the second part.
17:48Clam and Warbleston didn't get to meet?
17:50No, I've just told you.
17:51So I don't get the money for the show?
17:55Well, I suppose not.
18:02Forget about getting Clam and Warbleston together.
18:05Let's concentrate a minute on the other matter.
18:08My engagement to Knobby.
18:10How about this?
18:12Suppose some great blustering brute
18:15barges into old Warbleston's study
18:17at 10 sharp tomorrow morning
18:19and starts calling him every name under the sun
18:22and generally making himself thoroughly offensive.
18:24What?
18:26I'm waiting outside the study window,
18:28and at the psychological moment,
18:31I stick my head in
18:33and in a quiet, reproving voice say,
18:36Stop, Bertie!
18:38Bertie?
18:39The brute's name's Bertie.
18:40I stick my head in, and I say,
18:42Stop, Bertie!
18:43You are strangely forgetting yourself.
18:45I cannot stand idly by and listen to you
18:47abuse a man I admire and respect
18:50as highly as Lord Warbleston.
18:52Hold on a minute, hold on a minute.
18:54If you think I'm going to go marching into Warbleston's study
18:57and start hurling abuse at him,
18:58you've got another thing coming.
19:00You mean you won't do it?
19:01No.
19:02Well, that's a great pity, Bertie,
19:04because you won't be able to use the method I've thought of
19:06for extricating people from the clutches of Florence.
19:09What method?
19:11The Georgie Caffin method.
19:12Simple, but effective.
19:14Well, why can't I use it?
19:15Because you don't know what it is.
19:17You could tell me.
19:18No, Bertie.
19:19The Caffin method can only be imparted to real friends,
19:22ones who are as true as steel.
19:25Well, I never thought you'd stoop to blackmail, Georgie.
19:28Then you'll do it?
19:30Absolutely not, under no circumstances.
19:46Wooster!
19:48Otto Stilson, must rush.
19:50I want you, Wooster!
19:51Look, I didn't do anything.
19:52I was an innocent bystander.
19:54Florence says she wants to marry you.
19:56A misunderstanding.
19:57You know how these things happen.
19:58No, I don't.
20:01Do you think I want to marry the blasted woman?
20:03What?
20:04Well, of course I do.
20:06I do, but I know it can never be.
20:08Not while a finer, more deserving spirit like yourself
20:10is standing about with nothing to do.
20:12Oh, I'll have something to do, Wooster.
20:14I'll be busy tearing your ears off!
20:19Oh, Otto Florence!
20:21Oh!
20:22Oh!
20:23Oh!
20:24Oh!
20:25Oh!
20:26Oh!
20:27Oh!
20:28Oh!
20:29Oh!
20:30Oh!
20:31Oh!
20:32Oh!
20:33Oh!
20:34Oh!
20:35Oh!
20:36Oh!
20:37Oh!
20:38Oh!
20:39Oh!
20:40Oh!
20:42I best not tell Lord Walperson.
20:44It's my idea, Mr. Clam.
20:45We don't exactly hit it off.
20:46Not after those other disasters.
20:48If this deal is going to go through at all,
20:50I've got to be able to announce it at my AGM next Tuesday.
20:54Now, I'd dress up in a monkey suit
20:56if that was the only way to meet with Walperson.
21:00Well, since you mention it, sir,
21:02it seems to us that it might well be possible
21:05to arrange a meeting if one of the parties is,
21:08as it were, invisible.
21:12BARKING
21:17Any sign, yet, Jeeves?
21:19No, sir.
21:21Ah, here he comes now, sir.
21:23Keep them posted, will you?
21:30He's approaching the cages now, sir.
21:36GROWLING
21:38Ah, ha!
21:40Hello, Geese!
21:42Sit down!
21:43Wurbles and Muttony will be here until afterwards.
21:45He's approached the wrong cage, sir.
21:48What's wrong with the old idiot?
21:50Pretty good outfit, Clam.
21:52Wurbles, over here, you chump!
22:00Get him!
22:01The press is coming!
22:03Get away from him!
22:04Get away from him!
22:06Get out of here!
22:07Ah, I've got a craze for you.
22:11This is getting serious, Jeeves.
22:13I've got to find out what this method of George's
22:15is for getting rid of Florence.
22:17When I was in service with Lord Werthelsden, sir,
22:20Mr. Fittleworth contracted an engagement to Lady Florence.
22:23Boca Fittleworth did?
22:25Oh, I never knew that.
22:26This tendency on the part of the human race
22:28to rush around getting engaged to Florence
22:29is absolutely inexplicable.
22:32But what happened, Jeeves?
22:34Mr. Fittleworth suffered many an indignity
22:36at the hands of the Honorable Edwin, sir.
22:38As have we all, Jeeves.
22:39Yes, indeed, sir.
22:41The opportunity for Mr. Fittleworth
22:42to avenge himself for these slights
22:44came one afternoon in the garden.
22:46He chanced upon the Honorable Edwin
22:48bending over a flower border collecting caterpillars.
22:52Go on, Jeeves.
22:53Unable to resist the temptation, Mr. Fittleworth
22:55raised his boot and applied it to the Honorable Edwin's
22:58fundament.
22:59Unknown to Mr. Fittleworth, however,
23:01Lady Florence was seated nearby reading an improving book.
23:05Incensed and horrified by the assault,
23:07she rebuked Mr. Fittleworth wrongly
23:11and shortly afterwards announced an end to their betrothal.
23:17Good grief, Jeeves.
23:19It's the simplicity of it.
23:20It just catches one in the throat.
23:23It is moving, isn't it, sir?
23:24Hm.
23:25Hm.
23:27But I don't want to go in the garden.
23:29Yes, you do, Edwin.
23:30It's nice.
23:31The birds are singing.
23:32I don't like birds.
23:35Your father told me he dropped some money out there.
23:37Money?
23:38Yes.
23:40Did Mr. Worcester say what he wanted, Jeeves?
23:42No, Lady Florence.
23:43Merely that it was a matter of some import.
23:46I can't see anything.
23:48How much was it?
23:49Oh, a lot.
23:50A lot.
23:52Ah, yes.
23:53Look there.
23:54I think I saw something gleam.
23:55What?
23:56Down here?
23:57Yes.
24:00Ah!
24:02Ah!
24:03Ah!
24:04Thank you.
24:06It's uncanny, isn't it, this bond we have between us?
24:09How did you know that is just what I wanted to do myself?
24:15Edwin, just go to your room.
24:18I paid the little monster $2 to paste
24:20in the newspaper cuttings of the reviews
24:22of Spindruff into my album.
24:23And he's put them in the wrong way up.
24:27Jeeves said you wanted to see me, that is.
24:30No, no.
24:31It doesn't matter now.
24:32I'd better be going.
24:33Shall you be at the 4th of July ball, Bertie?
24:35Yes.
24:36Yes, I suppose so.
24:37I've got the whiskers now.
24:38Good.
24:40I'm going as the spirit of resurgent womanhood.
24:47Psst.
24:48Psst.
24:55Shut the door.
24:57George tells me you're being difficult.
24:59If he means I won't insult your uncle, he's right.
25:02You mean you won't help us?
25:03Not if it means inflaming your Uncle Percy, no.
25:06But it's a terrific method.
25:07I'll be the judge of that.
25:08You tell me what it is.
25:09No, Bertie.
25:10Tomorrow morning, you insult Uncle Percy.
25:13George comes in and defends him.
25:14Then we tell you the method.
25:16Don't you trust me?
25:17I'd sleep so much easier tonight knowing I wasn't going to be
25:19engaged to Florence tomorrow.
25:21I don't care how you sleep, Bertie.
25:23As long as you're in Uncle Percy's study at 4 o'clock.
25:26As long as you're in Uncle Percy's study at 10 o'clock
25:28tomorrow morning, insulting away.
25:37Now, stop, stop, stop.
25:39This number's not working.
25:43Suppose we put the scene where Bobby
25:45proposes to Maisie before it.
25:47That'd mean writing a new song for Maisie.
25:49But I can do it tonight and have it ready first
25:51thing tomorrow morning.
25:57Well, there's nothing else for it, Jeeves.
25:59This is being beastly to Lord Werpelsden day.
26:01Yes, sir.
26:02Miss Zenobia delivered this for you earlier.
26:04Earlier?
26:05Is there an earlier?
26:06She said that it contained all you need know in relation
26:08to Lord Werpelsden, sir.
26:10It certainly does, Jeeves.
26:14Good lord, I never knew that.
26:19I can't say all that to Lord Werpelsden, Jeeves.
26:21I mean, look at it.
26:26It does seem somewhat intemperate, sir.
26:29The references to his lordship's eating habits
26:31are particularly unfortunate.
26:33Lord Werpelsden has been sensitive to such matters
26:35ever since the first Lady Werpelsden
26:36remarked that he ate artichokes like a rabbit
26:39gnawing at a fence post.
26:40Well, we can only hope that George comes in
26:42and interrupts me before I get to the really bad bits.
26:57Worcester, my dear fellow, just the chap I wanted to see.
27:00Me?
27:01Have a drink, Bertie.
27:03Well, it's a bit, uh, nonsense.
27:05It's never too early to have a glass of brandy.
27:08Well, first and foremost, I want to express my appreciation
27:12for your fine taste and judgment in booting
27:16young Edwin yesterday.
27:18I heard about it last night.
27:21Sent me up to see him.
27:22Heard about it last night.
27:25Sent me up to bed with a warm glow, Bertie, I can tell you.
27:28Ha, ha, ha, ha.
27:29Yes, what do you see?
27:32Thinking over some of our recent meetings, Bertie,
27:35I fancy you may have run away with the idea
27:37that I'm a bad-tempered, cross-grained old chap.
27:41You must make allowances, Bertie.
27:44You can't judge a man with a son like Edwin
27:46by the same standards as men who have got a son like Edwin.
27:49BELL RINGS
28:01Yes.
28:03Now, now, look here, Wetherspoon.
28:05Yes, my dear fellow.
28:07I want to say something to you about your method
28:10of eating artichokes.
28:13Edwin, stay out!
28:15How does he go?
28:16Where's George?
28:17What do you mean, where's George?
28:19He was meant to come in and interrupt me. He didn't turn up.
28:21Oh, I could kill him sometimes.
28:24Wait a minute, wait a minute.
28:26What about telling me the method you've got for getting rid of Florence?
28:28Bertie, always thinking of yourself.
28:31Well, I've done my bit.
28:32No, you haven't.
28:34You've got to get Uncle Percy's approval for me to marry George.
28:37That was the arrangement.
28:43BELL RINGS
28:46Good afternoon, Mr Caffin.
28:48No, Jeeves, it's not.
28:50Bertie, it's over.
28:52What is?
28:53My engagement to Nobby.
28:55Oh, she found you, did she?
28:57Well, serves you right.
28:58Where were you when I needed you?
28:59I fell asleep. I didn't wake up till Nobby was banging on the door.
29:03I don't know where girls get these expressions from, Bertie.
29:05What expressions?
29:06I couldn't repeat them, not with gentlemen present.
29:08It was a most extraordinary feeling.
29:10You got the sensation of something small and shrill whirling about,
29:13like being attacked by a deranged Pekingese.
29:16Well, how did it all end?
29:18I'm not sure.
29:19Depends what construction you put on the words,
29:21I never want to see or speak to you again in this world or the next,
29:25you miserable fathead.
29:26Oh, that's nothing, Georgie.
29:28Just making conversation, you think?
29:30If I were to tell you the number of times I've heard that from a girl,
29:32you can't go by what a girl says when she's giving you hell.
29:35It's like Shakespeare.
29:36Sounds well enough, but it doesn't actually mean anything.
29:38Well, I hope you're right.
29:39Try and think of something, will you?
29:40I've got to get back to rehearsals.
29:42Good day, sir.
29:44Well, Jeeves?
29:48It has occurred to me, sir, that your original plan
29:50might still be made to perform its function.
29:52Which particular original plan would that be, Jeeves?
29:54I've rather lost track.
29:56The one in which Lord Werthelsten, out of gratitude to you
29:58for arranging his secret meeting with Mr. Clam,
30:00gives his consent to the betrothal of Mr. Caffey and Miss Zenobia,
30:04and they, in turn, tell you the way to extricate yourself
30:07from your unfortunate engagement to Lady Florence.
30:09Well, that's all very well, Jeeves,
30:11but you're overlooking one point.
30:12We haven't got the slightest idea of how to arrange the secret meeting.
30:15If I might be permitted to make a suggestion, sir,
30:17it's well known that Mr. Clam is attending
30:19the fancy dress ball at the Empire State Building.
30:22If Lord Werthelsten were also to attend...
30:24You mean they'd both be in costume,
30:26so the press wouldn't be able to recognise them?
30:28Precisely, sir.
30:30I happen to know that Mr. Clam is attending the event
30:32in the guise of Edward the Confessor,
30:34and I thought perhaps Lord Werthelsten,
30:36echoing the maritime nature of his business,
30:38would look well in a Sinbad the Sailor suit.
30:40Jeeves, I think this is it.
30:51And we have a dozen reports of pickpockets
30:54operating in the 34th Street and Broadway area,
30:57so keep a lookout for anyone loitering.
30:59That's all, men.
31:00Ahem!
31:03Yes, Jeeves, right.
31:05There's a charity ball at the Empire State Ballroom tonight,
31:08Captain Corrigan.
31:09And?
31:10I've heard that hard liquor is to be served there, sir.
31:13Well, this is a private party, Jeeves, right.
31:15We pretty much keep out of that sort of affair.
31:17Well, I don't think that's right, Captain Corrigan.
31:19Oh, you don't, eh, Jeeves, right?
31:21No, sir, I don't. The law's the law.
31:26OK, Jeeves, right, what do you think we should do about it?
31:33Disguise, you say?
31:35All the guests will be in disguise, my lord.
31:37The occasion is a fancy dress one.
31:40Quite. I'd forgotten that. Quite.
31:43I see what you mean.
31:45I'll do it. That's it, Jeeves, I'll do it!
31:56First rate, Jeeves.
31:57Thank you, Sam.
32:00Birdie!
32:01Who on earth are you meant to be, George?
32:03Isn't it obvious? I'm Edward the Confessor.
32:05Edward the... You can't go as Edward the Confessor.
32:07Chichester Clan's going as Edward the Confessor.
32:09That's all they had left.
32:10Apparently they bought in a job lot from Hollywood.
32:12From Mr. Frederick Flowerdew's latest epic, sir,
32:14Edward and Hardy Canute Nights of Passion.
32:19Well, this won't do, Jeeves, if you'll allow me, sir.
32:24Anyway, even old Warpleston isn't going to mistake me for Chichester Clan.
32:28Florence is going as the spirit of regurgitated womanhood.
32:32I don't like the sound of that.
32:33Well, we may as well try and enjoy this function, Georgie.
32:35If it doesn't work this time, I'm going to be married to Florence,
32:37and you're going to be standing on the corner of Broadway and 42nd Street
32:40asking passers-by for the price of a new Broadway musical,
32:43complete with leading man, soubrette and full chorus.
32:45I think you'll find that satisfactory, sir.
32:49That's better. Come along, Georgie. Off to the dance.
32:52I'm sorry you shan't be coming with us, Jeeves.
32:54Very kind of you, sir. I shall be most at home with my Spinoza.
32:57Well, enjoy a pleasant evening, Your Majesty, Mr. President.
33:03Thank you.
33:34They're enjoying themselves too much to be sober, Captain Corrigan.
33:37The bar ain't serving nothing but soda pop, Jeeves, right?
33:41They're getting it somewhere.
34:04So, we meet at last.
34:06What?
34:07They couldn't keep us apart this time, what?
34:09Get out of here, you loony.
34:33Oh, my God!
35:03Bertie!
35:10Bertie!
35:17Hello, Florence.
35:29Cram.
35:30What?
35:31You cram.
35:33I'm Edward the Confessor.
35:35Well, never mind.
36:02Come on, Bertie.
36:22You're a very pretty little girl, do you know that?
36:25What?
36:26Hey, copper.
36:31What?
36:36I've been thinking, Bertie.
36:38Ah, right.
36:39A quiet ceremony, I think.
36:41Just a close family and a few friends.
36:44Ceremony?
36:45Our wedding, Bertie.
36:47Don't fuck up.
36:48Oh, wedding, yes, right.
36:50You know, it's awfully hot in here. I'm starting to feel a bit faint.
36:53A little bit cooler on the roof.
36:55The roof, right, yes, well, I think I'll...
36:57I'll come with you.
36:59Let me find Zenobia first.
37:08Pardon me, Mr. Cram.
37:10Speak up, you man.
37:12I believe you are looking for Lord Wethelstone.
37:15Yes.
37:16Allow me to take you to him.
37:25Pardon me, my lord.
37:27This is Mr. Chichester Clam.
37:30Ahoy there, Whoppersden.
37:32Clam?
37:33I've been looking for you everywhere.
37:36If I might suggest, gentlemen,
37:38that you repair to the observation platform,
37:41I think that there you should be undisturbed by the press.
37:45It's been a mighty long voyage, Whoppersden.
37:47I'm parched.
37:50Where can we get a drink before we go aloft?
37:53I'll show you.
37:57All right, come on, then.
38:07Captain Corrigan, I've found two men drinking.
38:10Well, she's right, I don't think we actually have to...
38:13Oh, come on, sir, they're going up on the roof.
38:15Oh, God.
38:16Hold it, thank you.
38:18I'm sorry.
38:19I'm sorry.
38:20I'm sorry.
38:21I'm sorry.
38:22I'm sorry.
38:23I'm sorry.
38:24I'm sorry.
38:25I'm sorry.
38:26Hold it, thank you.
38:32Here, this way.
38:33What?
38:34Come on, they're on the roof.
38:45Ten million dollars, not a penny less.
38:47Eight, nine, done.
38:52Oh, my God.
38:53I've got to tell Whoppersden the real Lord Whoppersden.
38:56Finish her off with glass.
39:01The real Lord Whoppersden.
39:05It's that damn woman again.
39:07Stop, stop.
39:12Quiet ceremony, we thought, didn't we, darling?
39:15Quiet, yes.
39:16Zenobia, I've got to talk to you.
39:18Do you know this person, Lawrence?
39:24Thanks.
39:30What was she saying to the company?
39:32Stop in the middle of the door.
39:38It'll be cooler up here.
39:40We can talk about the guest list.
39:42The guest list?
39:43Aha, yes.
39:44It's a bit chilly, actually.
39:46I'll go and put my vest on.
39:47Bertie.
39:50Bertie's very confused.
39:52He's feeling faint.
39:57Quick, quick, quick.
39:58Make for the companionway.
39:59What?
40:00It's here.
40:01What about the rest of us?
40:02Up the tower.
40:03Peter, up the tower.
40:10You, you snake in the cross.
40:12Hey, you.
40:14You're under arrest.
40:17Buster, you louse.
40:19Sam, steal you.
40:22She's right.
40:24You're firing at a superior officer.
40:27Sorry, sir.
40:28He's a slippery customer.
40:29He got in the wrong position.
40:32Darcy!
40:33What on earth is going on?
40:36Hello, Lawrence.
40:38Where are they going?
40:39Police!
40:42What's the load out on the cloud there?
40:48What was that?
40:49Mr. Cloud!
40:50Mr. Cloud!
40:52Wait for me.
40:56Out of the way.
40:57Who are you?
40:58Police!
40:59I've got to come up with a merger.
41:01Come back here, Worcester,
41:02or I'll tear your head off your shoulders.
41:05Come here, Worcester, you snake in the grass.
41:09Nobby, please talk to me.
41:11I have nothing to say to you, George Cappen.
41:14Come here, Worcester.
41:16I'll break your spine, you snake.
41:18Worcester!
41:19I can see your teeth rattling down your throat.
41:21Back in England.
41:23Come here, you snake in the grass.
41:28I'm going to tear your head off,
41:29and use it as a doorstop.
41:31Worcester!
41:32Where's the crow's nest down these hills?
41:34By God, they're gaining on us.
41:35It's Uncle Percy!
41:38Daddy!
41:39Daddy!
41:40They're over there!
41:50Daddy!
42:04My God, they're being fried alive!
42:08Someone should save him, Mr. Cappen.
42:13I'll get them down.
42:20What a story.
42:21Tycoons and rooftop lightning drama.
42:24What about the takeover story?
42:26Nah, that's nothing.
42:28Yeah, who cares?
42:29This is human interest.
42:31Zahn Rider saves millionaire from radio-mass doom.
42:35Right.
42:38Gee, that guy's a hero.
42:41Oh, Georgie.
42:44This is the scoop of the year.
42:47This is the scoop of the year!
42:49Yeah!
42:57Bertie, are you all right?
43:00I'm in extraordinary feeling.
43:03Bertie, your hat is on fire!
43:08What's this?
43:11Bertie, it's Fendrift.
43:13It's my novel!
43:15You've been using my novel to line your hat!
43:18How dare you!
43:20Floating on feathers.
43:22I never want to see you again, Bertie Wooster!
43:29Darcy!
43:33Oh, my poor darling.
43:36We cannot adequately know particular things,
43:39either our own bodies or external objects,
43:42except by interrelation.
43:44What?
43:45Thus, all sense experience,
43:47which is the mental correlate of the action of external things on our own bodies,
43:52and all unscientific generalization from that sense experience.
43:57It's Spinoza!
43:58Oh, he's found his true self at last!
44:01Chichester clam and skyscraper love triangle.
44:04What love triangle?
44:05Hey, we'll think of something.
44:07Oh, George, you were so brave.
44:10Bye, Joe, Pam.
44:11The bathtub Jim packs for Walter.
44:13Terrible, terrible!
44:14What do you say we go and have another one?
44:16Good thinking, Walter!
44:18Uncle Percy!
44:20I'm going to marry George.
44:22Of course you are, my dear, absolutely.
44:24Good luck to you both.
44:26Come along, clam.
44:34Just as a matter of interest, Nobby,
44:35what was your method of freeing me from the thrall of old Florence?
44:38What do you mean?
44:39Well, you know, I got your uncle to approve your nuptials,
44:41and in return you were going to tell me how to oil out of getting hitched to Florence.
44:43Oh, don't be silly, Bertie.
44:45We didn't have any method.
44:48You didn't have any?
44:50I mean, it was all moonshine.
44:51You let me risk life and limb, and you hadn't got the slightest idea.
44:54Oh, we'd have thought of something, wouldn't we, George?
44:57Sure we would.
45:00I hope you've dashed it.
45:10Oh!
45:18Most extraordinary thing, Electricity Jeeves.
45:20So I understand, sir.
45:22I feel quite rejuvenated, if that's the word.
45:25It is possible, sir.
45:26Galvano therapy enjoyed a brief vogue a few years ago.
45:29Yes.
45:30Well, anyway, you'll be glad to hear that my schemes all work like a dream.
45:33Whirlpoolston and clam brought together.
45:35Their companies merged satisfactorily.
45:36Ditto Nobby and George Caffin.
45:38That is good news, sir.
45:40But best of all, Lady Florence and Stilton reunited
45:42and heading for the altar at about 90 miles an hour,
45:44leaving Bertram as unencumbered as when the whole dratty thing started.
45:47Frankly, I'd blame Spinoza, Jeeves.
45:50So?
45:51If I hadn't gone to that bookshop and bumped into Lady Florence,
45:53then the whole thing would never have got going in the first place.
45:55True, sir.
45:56So, all in all, an enjoyable evening?
45:59Highly enjoyable, Jeeves.
46:00Yes, you should have been there.
46:01Oh, that's very kind of you, sir,
46:03but I hardly think it was my sort of occasion.
46:05No, well, shakka asongu, Jeeves.
46:08Very true, sir.
46:09Will that be all, sir?
46:11Yes, Jeeves, that'll be all.
46:12Good night.
46:13Good night, sir.