Jeeves And Wooster S02 E01 - The Silver Jug (or Jeeves Saves the Cow Creamer)
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00:00Brother Blackshorts, as I stand before you tonight, we are on the brink of victory.
00:10Our policies are clear. Our policies are just.
00:14Our policies are fully laid out in my book with England, Pricely and Sixpence from all good booksellers.
00:20Our policies are, one, the right, nay, the duty of every free-born Englishman to grow his own potatoes.
00:33Two, an immediate ban on the import of foreign root vegetables into the United Kingdom.
00:44And three, the compulsory scientific measurement of all adult male knees.
00:55Not for the true-born Englishman, the bony, angular knee of the so-called intellectual.
01:03Not for him, the puffy knee of the criminal classes.
01:08The British knee is firm. The British knee is muscular. The British knee is on the march!
01:38Good evening, sir.
01:54An excellent rally. Excellent. A dozen new recruits to the cause.
01:59Oh, that's good, isn't it?
02:01I'm sorry you weren't there, Watkin. One had hoped that one's best friends would support one in the task of rebuilding Britain.
02:07Yes, yes, I'm sorry, too.
02:09Midnight for cataloguing Miss Hillman's collection.
02:12Your collection cannot control your life, Watkin.
02:15You must come with me next Thursday when I address the Eagle Battalion at Minchinhampton.
02:20Yes, yes, very possibly.
02:22I shall now retire.
02:24We have to catch the 9.30 tomorrow, remember?
02:26Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
02:28Good night, Stephanie.
02:29Good night.
02:30Good night, little Madeline.
02:32Good night.
02:40His knees.
02:48Well, this is a happy occasion.
02:50Old Gussie getting engaged.
02:53Still, I expect he knows what he's doing.
02:56No, but a good egg, Gussie, as we all know.
02:58And a persuasive man with a newt.
03:01No, but what I've always said is that Gussie and Madeline are made for each other, really.
03:06Like kippers and marmalade.
03:08And I'm sure we all wish them many happy years together over the newt.
03:12So, Gussie and Madeline.
03:14Gussie and Madeline.
03:17Well, Jeeves, a most satisfactory binge last night.
03:31I'm delighted to hear so, sir.
03:33Was Mr. Fink-Nottle in good spirits?
03:36Poor devil.
03:37The sands are running out for Gussie Fink-Nottle, Jeeves.
03:40He will shortly have Sir Watkin Bassett as a father-in-law.
03:42He's the blighter who'd find me five pounds for pinching a policeman's helmet.
03:46Perhaps Sir Watkin is not so formidable in private life, sir.
03:50I doubt it, Jeeves. Slice him where you like.
03:52A hellhound is always a hellhound.
03:54Is that the papers you've got there?
03:56No, sir.
03:57It is some literature from the round-the-world cruise bureau.
04:00I thought you might care to glance at it.
04:02Jeeves, this nuisance must now cease.
04:04Travel is highly educational, sir.
04:06I cannot do with any more education, Jeeves.
04:08I was full up years ago.
04:10Now it's that old Viking strain of yours coming out again.
04:13You yearn for the tang of salt breezes.
04:15You see yourself walking the decks in a yachting cap.
04:17Possibly someone has been telling you about the dancing girls of Bali.
04:20I understand, and I sympathise, but not for me.
04:23Now I refuse to be decanted into some blasted ocean-going liar
04:27and lugged off round the world.
04:30Very good, sir.
04:39You must understand, Jeeves,
04:41that when two men of iron will live in close association with one another,
04:44there are bound to be occasional clashes.
04:46Very good, sir.
04:47Very well. We'll say no more about it.
04:49Any letters today?
04:50No, sir.
04:51One telephone communication, however, from Mrs Travers.
04:54She will be coming to visit us directly.
04:56Oh?
04:57I wonder what she...
04:58PHONE RINGS
05:05Is it awake yet?
05:07Ah, off you are, Delia.
05:10I want you to go to an antique shop in Bond Street
05:12and sneer at a cow creamer.
05:15Do what at a what?
05:17It's silver.
05:18A sort of 18th century cream jug in the shape of a cow.
05:22Well, sounds dashed unpleasant to me.
05:24It doesn't matter what it sounds like to you, young Bertie.
05:27Your Uncle Tom thinks it's the cat's nightwear.
05:29It's the only one left in the country, apparently.
05:32Go there, ask them to show it to you,
05:34and when they do, register scorn.
05:37This will sow doubts and misgivings in their minds
05:39and make them tip the price a bit.
05:41Your Uncle Tom's been having a bad time lately with his collection.
05:44Everything he's tried to buy, that bastard Watkin Bazit,
05:47has pipped him at the post.
05:49If he can get this thing cheaply,
05:51it may save him from an early grave.
05:56You have one of your wonderful ideas, Jeeves.
05:58If Mr Worcester, while sneering,
06:01could imply that the object is probably of modern Dutch manufacture,
06:05the vendor might be the more inclined to lower his ambitions.
06:08Why Dutch?
06:10The Dutch, sir, while an admirable people in many ways
06:13and renowned for their domestic hygiene,
06:15are not considered to be of the first rank
06:17in matters of Argentine craftsmanship.
06:23Well, you heard what Jeeves said.
06:26Now, run along and sneer.
06:28No, no, no, I don't think so.
06:30I've got another very like this.
06:32You've got one of everything, I shall think,
06:34in that blasted collection of yours.
06:36How about this very rare Georgian teapot, sir?
06:39Morning.
06:41Oh, I'll be with you in a moment, sir.
06:43Hello, Pops.
06:45Hello, you young man.
06:47Good morning.
06:49Good morning.
06:51Good morning.
06:53Good morning.
06:55Good morning.
06:57Hello, you young man.
06:59No, no.
07:01You came up before me once, but not twice.
07:04Good, going straight, eh?
07:06Now, let me think, what was it?
07:08Of course, yes, bag snatching.
07:11No, no. Still all over and done with now, eh?
07:14Splendid.
07:16Roderick, come over here.
07:18Hello. Look at him.
07:20I gave him three months not long ago
07:22for snatching bags at railway stations, it's quite evident.
07:25This term in jail has had an excellent effect on him.
07:28Quite reformed.
07:30Here's a shilling.
07:32Don't spend it on drink.
07:42Oh, have the gentlemen gone?
07:44Yes, yes, they've gone, yes.
07:46Um, where was I?
07:48Oh, yes, I understand you have an 18th century cow creamer for sale.
07:51Oh, you're too late. I'm afraid it promised to a customer.
07:54Name of Travers? Ah.
07:56Well, that's all right, then. The above Travers is my uncle.
07:58He sent me along to have a look at the thing.
08:00Oh, right. I expect it's absolutely rotten.
08:02It's a beautiful cow creamer.
08:04Oh, dear.
08:06What?
08:08No, no, no, no, no.
08:10No, this won't do at all. Modern Dutch.
08:12Modern Dutch? What do you mean? Have a look at the hallmark.
08:15No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
08:18Here.
08:20I can't see any hallmark. Are you blind?
08:22Take it out in the street. Have a look at it in the light.
08:26Oh, dear, the phone again.
08:34Ha! Smashing grandad, by God!
08:37This is the sort of thing that makes one sick at heart.
08:40No, no, no. If you'll just let me explain.
08:42Explain? Call the police, we'll smoke.
08:44No, no, no!
08:46I understand far too well.
08:48No, no, no!
08:50Well, why don't you try it with us?
08:52Go on, try it.
09:01I say, Stu, look at this.
09:04Hmm?
09:20Can I help you, officer?
09:22Where did he go?
09:24Right.
09:28I shouldn't go in there if I were you, officer.
09:31I know.
09:33New apple!
09:41Come with me, officer.
09:50Come along.
10:01PHONE RINGS
10:03It's her.
10:05Sir? Ah, Delia.
10:07Tell her I've gone to Switzerland.
10:09Mrs Travers will be most disappointed, sir.
10:11Mrs Travers will be boiling anyway,
10:13if she's found out how miserably I fell with that dratted milk jug.
10:16PHONE RINGS
10:20Good morning, Mrs Travers.
10:22Mr Worcester asked me to say that he's gone to Switzerland.
10:25Oh, piffle, Jeeves, get the blighter out of bed.
10:27Very good, madam.
10:32Mrs Travers, sir.
10:34I thought I told you to...
10:36I'm afraid she seemed disinclined to believe me, sir.
10:39I can't face her, Jeeves.
10:41Courage mounteth with the occasion, sir.
10:44It didn't mounteth with me, Jeeves,
10:46on the occasion of coming face to face with an outraged aunt.
10:49You know that cow creamer I asked you to sneer at yesterday?
10:51Ah, well, yes, as a matter of fact, I was...
10:53Did you sneer? I did, I did.
10:55Well, your sneers were wasted.
10:57That unmitigated hound Bassett has bought it.
10:59He went to the shop
11:01and told the shopkeeper that Tom had sent him.
11:04Well, well, well.
11:06Is that all you can say, well, well, well?
11:09Well? Oh, Jeeves, stop it.
11:11If I ever catch the idiot who told Watkin of the thing's existence,
11:15I shall not be responsible for my actions.
11:19You shall be too severe, Aunt Delia.
11:21No, I shall not be severe. I shall be just.
11:24When I find out who it was,
11:26I shall sever his head from his shoulders.
11:30You admit, I hope,
11:32that by every moral law that cow creamer belongs to Tom.
11:35Emphatically.
11:37And that if Tom finds out that Watkin blasted Bassett has got it,
11:40he'll probably sink into a dreadful latitude
11:42and take no further interest in life.
11:45If you say so, oh, flesh and blood.
11:47Good.
11:50Because you're going to steal it back from him.
11:56I don't care how spiritual Harold Tinker is, Madeline.
11:59I'm Stephanie's guardian.
12:01You know he played cricket for Oxford.
12:03I don't care if he played tiddlywinks for the Sorbonne.
12:06It's bad enough you and this new fancy you've got coming down.
12:10I'm not having her marry some half-baked curate.
12:14Harold is not half-baked, Uncle Watty.
12:17Perhaps someone left the oven door open.
12:19I don't want to hear another word about this, Stephanie.
12:22He won't always be a curate, either.
12:24Good. When he's Archbishop of Canterbury, he can ask you to marry him.
12:33It's no good, Stiffy.
12:35Sir Watkin will never allow you to throw yourself away on a penniless curate.
12:39Oh, you are wet sometimes, Harold.
12:42We've just got to convince him that you're the stuff archbishops are made of.
12:47All right. I shall be dignified.
12:50I shall be a bane.
12:53If he could just not trip over the furniture at this time.
12:56Come on. There's the gong.
12:58Come along, Bartholomew.
13:03Under the new order, the whole of Wales and Scotland
13:06will be given over to the production of the potato.
13:09Nothing but potatoes.
13:11Nothing but potatoes.
13:14Just as Gloucestershire will be entirely laid down to turnips
13:17and Wiltshire to beans.
13:19Rationalisation is the order of the day.
13:22Warwickshire will manufacture umbrellas and shooting sticks
13:26and Norfolk, because of its distinctive topography, motorcars.
13:30I don't quite see that, Spode.
13:32It has all been scientifically worked out, I assure you.
13:42I'm sorry I'm late to walk in.
13:44I've just been arranging my tanks.
13:47Tanks?
13:49Yes, my newt tanks.
13:51Mr Fink-Nottle breeds newts.
13:54When Augustus and I are married, I'm going to learn all about newts.
13:57Married?
13:59Augustus and I are getting married.
14:02Little Madeline?
14:04Married?
14:06To him?
14:12Oh.
14:14Have you seen Madeline?
14:16Gussie, could you help?
14:18I don't know.
14:20I've got something in my eye, a fly or something.
14:22Oh, yes, yes, yes.
14:26Let's...
14:28Won't you have a look over there at the light?
14:35Gussie!
14:37Hello, Madeline.
14:39Hello, Madeline.
14:46Telegram for Mr Worcester.
14:48Thank you, Mr Jarvis.
14:52A telegram for you, sir.
14:54Oh, yes, you better read it, Jeeves.
14:56Very good, sir.
15:00Come immediately.
15:02Serious rift, Madeline and self.
15:05Unless you come earliest possible moment,
15:08prepared lend every effort reconciliation,
15:11wedding will be broken off.
15:13Reply, Gussie, sir.
15:16Ah, well, these are deep waters, Jeeves.
15:19There's only one thing we can say with any certainty,
15:21and that is that Gussie has made an ass of himself again.
15:24There is that possibility, sir.
15:26Have you got your telegraph pad handy?
15:28Yes, sir.
15:30Right, well, send this.
15:33Think not all, tottly towers, tottly in the world, Gloucestershire.
15:37Yes, that's all very well.
15:39You say come here immediately, but how, Dickens, can I?
15:42Relations between Pop Bassett and self,
15:45not such as to make him welcome Bertram,
15:48would hurl out on ear and set dogs on.
15:51What serious rift? Why serious rift?
15:54Why Dickens? What have you been doing to the girl?
15:57Reply, Bertie.
16:00Ahem.
16:02Forgive me for mentioning it, sir,
16:04but am I not right in thinking that should the rift
16:06between Mr Fink-Nottle and Miss Bassett not be healed,
16:09Miss Bassett may well raise her sights
16:12and regard you as a matrimonial prospect once again?
16:15Good Lord, Jeeves, you're absolutely right.
16:18Well, we shall have to go down to tottly in person.
16:20Send a telegram cancelling that last telegram.
16:23Ah, I haven't sent this one yet, sir.
16:25What? Well, get weaving, Jeeves. Get them both off at once.
16:29Yes, sir.
16:31Tottley Towers might also seem the convenient place, sir,
16:34from which to send Mrs Travers a telegram
16:37informing her that we had tried, but regrettably failed,
16:40to steal the cow, Creamer.
16:58THUD!
17:29Hands up!
17:33Now, look.
17:36Now, Watkin, come here.
17:38Yes, here I am.
17:40What is it?
17:42Look at this.
17:44Good God, the bag snatcher.
17:46He'd already begun to loot the place.
17:48Look, he's got your Creamer again.
17:50It's unbelievable. He must have followed us down.
17:52Bring him along to the library.
17:54I'll issue a warrant for his arrest.
17:56Put the ruffian away once and for all.
17:58Why?
18:00If he resists, shoot him, Spode. Don't hesitate.
18:02Will you listen?
18:04You've got a lot of noise. By Bertie.
18:06When did you get here?
18:08I've only just arrived.
18:10You don't mean you know this man?
18:12Of course I know him, Daddy.
18:14Bertie is an old friend of mine. I told you he was coming.
18:17He snatches bags.
18:19And makes daylight raids on antique shops.
18:21He's after me cow, Creamer.
18:23Look, he's got the blasted thing in his hand.
18:26You are an old silly, Daddy.
18:28Naturally your silver would be the first thing Bertie would want to look for.
18:32Bertie is Mr Travers' nephew.
18:34What? Tom Travers' nephew?
18:36So of course he's interested in silver.
18:38Just like his uncle.
18:40Oh.
18:42Come along, Bertie.
18:45Anyway, it wasn't bag snatching.
18:47Policeman's helmet stealing.
18:50How sweet of you to come, Bertie.
18:52But everything's sorted out.
18:54I thought I found him flirting with my cousin Stephanie.
18:57But he was only taking a fly out of her eye.
18:59You know, Bertie, sometimes I ask myself if I'm worthy of so rare a soul as Augustus.
19:05Oh, I wouldn't ask yourself rot like that. Of course you are.
19:08Now, when Gussie first met you, I said to myself,
19:11that's the bird, there she spouts.
19:13So, when's the wedding to be?
19:15September.
19:17Oh, well, I'd make it a bit earlier than that if I were you.
19:19You think so?
19:20Oh, yes, definitely. Get it over and done with, then it's off your mind.
19:23You can't be married too soon to a chap like Gussie.
19:26Dear Bertie.
19:28Always a soul of generosity.
19:41Wooster.
19:43I want a word with you.
19:45I want a word with you.
19:47Ah, Otto.
19:49I have been talking to Sir Watkin Bassett.
19:51Oh, yes?
19:52We know why you are here.
19:54Oh, yes?
19:55Stop saying, oh, yes, you miserable worm and listen to me.
19:58It is perfectly plain to us why you are here.
20:01Your uncle has sent you to steal the cow creamer for him.
20:05No.
20:06You needn't trouble to deny it. I found you with the thing in your hands already.
20:08Well.
20:09You're being watched, Wooster.
20:11Watched closely.
20:13There is going to be a police guard on the cow creamer.
20:16And if you're caught trying to steal it, I shall immediately beat you to a jelly.
20:22Or perhaps you think you will be clever enough to steal it without being detected.
20:27Listen to this.
20:29If that thing disappears at all, I shall know where it has gone and I shall still beat you to a jelly.
20:36You will then go to prison.
20:38Have you got that clear?
20:42Definitely.
20:43Splendid.
20:51Right, to Aunt Delia.
20:55I say, look here, this is absolutely impossible.
21:00Not to say out of the question.
21:03Spode has already threatened yours truly.
21:07Sorry and all that.
21:09Oh, about the cow creamer, I mean.
21:12Anyway, there it is.
21:14Toodlepip.
21:15Your affectionate nephew, Bertie.
21:18Is it a code?
21:22Morning.
21:23Morning.
21:24Come close.
21:25Where be the blackbird be?
21:27I know where he be.
21:29He be up yonder, don't he.
21:32I be up here.
21:34Stick I love her thee.
21:35Blackbird I love thee.
21:37No, it's a darn basalam you've got.
21:40Get off, stupid dog, get off.
21:43Get away from me.
21:45Get away from me.
21:46Get away from me.
21:47Get away from me.
21:48Get away from me, you stupid.
21:49Get away.
21:50Get away from me, you stupid.
22:08What on earth did you do that for?
22:11You might have scared him out of his wits hurling yourself about like that.
22:15Poor old basalam you.
22:17I must caution you, Miss Stephanie.
22:19Did the ugly man nearly squash him flat?
22:22I was proceeding along a public highway when the dog leaped at me in a virulent manner.
22:27I was zurled from my bicycle.
22:29Well, you shouldn't ride a bicycle.
22:31Basalam, you hate bicycles.
22:33I ride a bicycle, Miss, because if I didn't, I would have to cover my beat on foot.
22:37Do you?
22:38Good.
22:39Get some of the fat off you.
22:40I will have to summon you once more, Miss, for being in possession of a savage dog whilst not under proper control.
22:45Don't be an ass, oats.
22:47You can't expect a dog to pass up a policeman on a bicycle.
22:50It isn't human nature.
22:52I intend to fight this case to the House of Lords.
22:55And I shall call this gentleman as material witness.
22:59Oh, it's you, Bertie.
23:01Did you see what happened?
23:02Ringside seat?
23:03Well, stand by to be subpoenaed.
23:06Be that as it may, Miss.
23:08We'll see about that.
23:14I'm just on my way to see Harold.
23:16We're engaged, you know.
23:19Oh, don't tell a soul.
23:21Uncle Watkin mustn't know about it until he's been well sweetened.
23:23And who is this Harold?
23:25You know Harold. You were at Oxford together.
23:28He's the curate here in the village.
23:31He talks a lot about you.
23:33Harold Pinker.
23:35Stinker Pinker.
23:38Great Scot. I wonder where he got to.
23:48There you are, Bertie.
23:50Here's Harold.
23:51Stinker! Good heavens!
23:53Bertie! Well, well, well!
23:55I always wondered what became of you.
23:57I was wondering only the other day what had happened to you.
23:59Well, well, well!
24:00Extraordinary thing.
24:02And here you are! Well, well, well!
24:04Absolutely amazing. Good heavens.
24:06Is that the end?
24:08Bertie, we want you to do something for us.
24:10What?
24:12Harold, we can't talk here.
24:14Come up to Harold's room in the rectory.
24:16That's a little bit engaged to old Stinker.
24:18I'm so happy I could bite a grape.
24:20At least I should be.
24:23Sit down, Bertie.
24:25You tell him, Harold.
24:27Well, what we thought was
24:29you could steal Sir Watkin's new calculator.
24:36What's the point of that?
24:38Then Harold can get it back,
24:39hand it over to Uncle Watkin
24:41and earn his undying gratitude.
24:44Oh, I see.
24:46I see.
24:47You want me to put on a black mask,
24:49break in through the window, snitch this objet down
24:51and then hand it over to Stinker.
24:53We hadn't thought of a mask.
24:54That's a very good idea, Bertie.
24:56And then I go off and do my stretch at Dartmoor.
24:58Oh, no, no, no, no.
24:59You escape, of course.
25:01Then Harold comes back into the house covered in blood.
25:04Whose blood?
25:06Well, yours, we thought.
25:08There's got to be signs of a struggle
25:09to make it more interesting.
25:11Midnight tonight, OK?
25:12Don't you think it's a wonderful scheme, Bertie?
25:14Wonderful.
25:15Goodbye, Stiffy.
25:17You don't mean you won't do it?
25:18I do mean I won't do it.
25:21Ah!
25:25Bertie, I think you're a pig.
25:27A pig? Maybe.
25:28But a shrewd, level-headed pig.
25:30A pig who was not born yesterday
25:31and has seen a thing or two.
25:33Oh, all right, Bertie.
25:35But I think you're jolly mean.
25:37I don't know how Madeline can be so fond of you.
25:40Now that she and Gussie have broken their engagement,
25:42you should show a little interest.
25:44She's such a lovely girl.
25:45Stiffy, you will understand
25:46that I'm implying nothing derogatory to your cousin
25:48when I say that there are certain females
25:50whom one is prepared to fight off with a blackjack.
25:52And it is to this group that your cousin Madeline belongs.
25:55Besides which, Madeline tells me
25:57that she and Gussie are all hearts and flowers again anyway.
26:02Why have you gone all quiet?
26:04I'm just trying to straighten things out in my mind.
26:08You know, Bertie,
26:10if I told Madeline that Gussie really was
26:12trying to kiss me the other night...
26:14But he wasn't.
26:15Well, how do you know?
26:17Well, I know Gussie.
26:19But if I did tell Madeline that,
26:21then it would be over for good between her and Gussie.
26:24And she'd probably start thinking about you again, Bertie.
26:27You know how fond of you she is.
26:29Now, look...
26:30However, as you're going to be so sweet
26:33and are going to help me and Harold
26:35by stealing that cow cream of him,
26:37I suppose I shall have to stretch a point or two
26:40and not tell her.
26:42Stiffy...
26:43Midnight tonight, Bertie.
26:48Oh...
26:56Mrs. Trevers has arrived, sir.
26:58She has a matter of some importance
27:00she wishes to discuss with you.
27:10Ah!
27:11What, I want my bosom!
27:13What do you mean by sending my bosom?
27:15I want my bosom!
27:16What do you mean by sending me those blasted silly telegrams?
27:19What? Oh, in re the cow cream, you mean.
27:21Well, as I said, Ardelia,
27:22one has tried, one has failed.
27:24One can do no more.
27:25Don't you try that dying duck in a thunderstorm stuff on me, young Bertie.
27:29You will get that cow cream.
27:31No, no, you don't understand, Ardelia.
27:33I have tried.
27:34I've been threatened with a shotgun
27:36and Roderick Spode says that if I try again,
27:38he'll beat me to a jelly.
27:39Yeah? Go on.
27:41What do you mean, yes, go on?
27:43You wouldn't want your favourite nephew to be beaten to a jelly now, would you?
27:45Might be an improvement.
27:47Oh, just pull yourself together, Wooster,
27:49and retrieve that cow creamer.
27:54Get him moving, Jeeves.
27:56Very good, Mrs. Travers.
27:59This is getting beyond a joke, Jeeves.
28:01Ardelia wants me to pinch that blasted cow creamer.
28:04Stiffy wants me to pinch the blasted cow creamer.
28:07Do you want me to pinch the cow creamer, Jeeves?
28:09I think it would be most unwise, sir.
28:11You're the only one. I explained to her why it was impossible
28:13and all she could say was, well, get on with it.
28:15There may be a way of taking Roderick Spode
28:17and his threats of violence out of the picture altogether, sir.
28:20Really? Well, let's see how.
28:22If one were to get the goods on Mr. Spode,
28:25as I believe the underworld phraseology has it,
28:27he might well be rendered a negligible force, sir.
28:30Well, yes, but we haven't got anything on him.
28:32I don't even know where we'd look.
28:34I was thinking of the Junior Ganymede, sir.
28:36It is a club for gentlemen's personal gentlemen in Curzon Street.
28:40A club? Do you mean like White's?
28:42Of a similar nature, sir.
28:44The premises are more comfortable, however,
28:46and the members less Bolshevik.
28:48And you're a member? Oh, indeed, sir.
28:50And Mr. Spode's personal attendant is sure to be a member also
28:53and would naturally have confided to the secretary
28:56a good deal of information concerning Mr. Spode
28:58for inclusion in the club book.
29:02The club book?
29:04Under Rule 11, each member is required to supply the club
29:07with full information regarding his employer's past and present.
29:11This not only provides entertaining reading,
29:14but also serves as a warning to those members
29:16who may be contemplating taking service
29:18with gentlemen who fall short of the ideal.
29:21Did you tell them about me?
29:23Oh, yes, sir.
29:24Well, everything.
29:26The night I came home from Pongo Twistleson's birthday party
29:28and mistook the standard lamp for a burglar.
29:30That episode is a particular favourite with members, sir.
29:33They like to have these things to read on wet afternoons.
29:36Oh, so what's your idea, then?
29:38Phone the secretary for information about Spode?
29:40The secretary is not permitted to dispense
29:42such highly confidential information over the telephone wires, sir.
29:55Right, all set, Jeeves? Yes, sir.
29:57Good. For heaven's sake, hurry back.
29:59Indeed, sir.
30:02Hello, Desmond.
30:04Here's some nice antics for you.
30:06Come on, why don't you get up onto your nice rock with...
30:10Ooh, your water's a bit warm, isn't it?
30:15What a silly daddy.
30:17There.
30:28Ooh!
30:31Come in.
30:33Oh, sorry, sir. I just wanted to turn your bed down.
30:36Shall I come back later, sir?
30:38No, no, no. This curtain's stuck.
30:43I'll get Mr Herbert to come up and see to it, sir.
30:45You could reach it if I lifted you up.
30:47Oh, I don't know about that, sir.
30:49It's Desmond, you see. The sun's on his tank.
30:51I don't know, sir.
30:53Just stand there. You see, it's the ring that's stuck.
30:56No, I can't quite reach, sir.
30:59Well, we'll try once more.
31:01I don't know if I can, sir.
31:03Of course you can. Come on.
31:05Gussie.
31:07Oh, hello, Madeline. I'm just...
31:09Gussie, how could you?
31:11Madeline?
31:13Of course, one can't get proper gentlemen nowadays.
31:17They're not what they were, sir.
31:20The one I've got at the moment insists on calling me by my first name.
31:25No one tries to be tactful, of course.
31:28One is simply swimming against the tide.
31:31I blame their parents.
31:33How's yours now, Jeeves?
31:35Oh, really quite promising.
31:37I always suspected I could make something of you,
31:40and such is proving to be the case.
31:42But you want to see the book, don't you?
31:44I'm not considering another gentleman.
31:47This is quite another matter.
31:51The book for Mr Jeeves, if you please.
31:55Well, I must say, mine's coming along very nicely, very nicely indeed.
31:58You remember I had to be quite severe with him
32:00about wearing a soft hat before Goodwood?
32:03Good as gold, ma'am. Good as gold.
32:06Ah, thank you.
32:08I'm really quite concerned about this first name business.
32:11I think they'd pick it up from your son-in-law.
32:14Why don't you try not answering
32:17when he calls you by the wrong name?
32:19I don't think I could carry that off.
32:21One doesn't like to hurt their feelings, does one?
32:25Come on.
32:28Come on.
32:34Come on.
32:54Pfft!
33:18Anything I can do for you, Spode?
33:20Why wasn't Fink-Nottle at dinner?
33:22Perhaps he wasn't hungry.
33:24I'm looking for him.
33:26Oh, right. Well, er...
33:28Any message, if you should turn up?
33:30Tell him I'm going to break his neck.
33:32Break his neck. Right.
33:34And, er, if you should ask why...
33:36He knows why.
33:38Because he's a butterfly who toys with women's hearts
33:41and throws them aside like soiled gloves.
33:45Do butterflies do that?
33:47Are you trying to be funny?
33:49No, no, no.
33:51Good.
33:59Daddy.
34:08Show yourself!
34:10I am not afraid.
34:14Do you bring a message for me from the other side?
34:16Let me out of here!
34:22They ought to put handles on the inside of those things.
34:25What were you doing in there?
34:27Hiding!
34:29Why didn't you look in the wardrobe? I can't imagine.
34:31I thought these dictators were meant to be thorough.
34:33Stop complaining.
34:35What's all this about you throwing away Madeleine's heart?
34:37It wasn't me. It was her.
34:39The housemaid was helping me with the curtain.
34:41Madeleine came in and...
34:43Oh, what's the use?
34:45How are you on knotting sheets, Bertie?
34:47What do you mean, knotting sheets?
34:49They do it in books.
34:51You tie knots in them and then climb down out of the window.
34:53Oh, you're not afraid of Spode.
34:55I am.
34:57No, there's nothing for it but to start knotting sheets.
34:59You're knotting my sheets.
35:03But, Bertie, my life is at stake!
35:05I don't care.
35:07I've declined to be a party to this craven scooting.
35:13Very well.
35:15I shall have to go off and hide somewhere till dawn
35:17when the milk train leaves.
35:21Goodbye, Bertie.
35:23You have disappointed me.
35:25Well, you have disappointed me.
35:27I thought you had guts.
35:29I have, and I don't want Rod and Spode fooling about with them.
35:33So, 12 o'clock midnight.
35:35You're waiting in the silver room, all right?
35:37Yes, yes, I see.
35:39In comes Bertie.
35:41You let him take the creamer thing and then you biff him.
35:43Biff him?
35:45I see.
35:47He has agreed to this now, has he?
35:49He hasn't any choice.
35:55That should do it, I should think.
35:59Really?
36:01We want to see some blood, remember?
36:11Who goes there?
36:13All quiet, Oates.
36:15All quiet, Sir Watkins, sir.
36:17I'm turning in now.
36:19Remember, Oates, I'm relying on you.
36:21And keep a special eye on that cow creamer.
36:23Very good, Sir Watkins, sir.
36:37Well, what happened, Jeeves?
36:39Has Spode got a secret?
36:41Tell me all.
36:43I fear I cannot do that, sir.
36:45The rules of the club regarding the dissemination
36:47of such material are very rigid.
36:49Well, what was the better use of going then?
36:51It's only the details of the matter
36:53that I am precluded from mentioning, sir.
36:55I am perfectly at liberty to tell you
36:57that it would greatly lessen
36:59Mr. Spode's potentiality for evil
37:01were you to inform him
37:03that you know all about Eulalie.
37:07Eulalie?
37:09Eulalie.
37:11Eulalie, sir.
37:13You're sure you can't go any deeper into the subject?
37:15Quite sure, sir.
37:17Were I to do so, it is probable
37:19that my resignation would be called for.
37:21Well, we wouldn't want that, of course.
37:23All right, Jeeves, drive on.
37:25Eulalie, eh?
37:27Eulalie!
37:37Eulalie!
37:39Oh, I thought it was Spode.
37:41What do you mean, sneaking up on a fellow like that?
37:43This is my blasting room thing, Nottle.
37:45What do you mean, my mucking up
37:47my bed linen after I specifically forbade it?
37:49You have sheets of your own.
37:51Go and knock those.
37:53How can I? Spode's sitting on my bed.
37:55I have good news for you on that front, Gussie.
37:57You need no longer fear Spode.
37:59What do you mean, I need no longer fear Spode?
38:01Talk sense, Wooster.
38:03I mean exactly what I say.
38:05Spode, qua menace,
38:07if qua is the word I'm after, is a thing of the past.
38:09I have learned something about him, Gussie,
38:11which he would not care to have generally known.
38:13What?
38:15Do not bother yourself with details, old fruit.
38:17Suffice it to say that I am now in a position
38:19to put it across the fellow in no uncertain fashion.
38:21If he should attempt any rough stuff,
38:23this may be the blighter now.
38:25Lock the door! Lock the door!
38:27That will not be necessary.
38:29Watch me deal with him, Gussie.
38:31It may amuse you.
38:33Ha!
38:35Well, Spode, what is it now?
38:37Spode, what do you want?
38:39Well, since you ask,
38:41I would like to know why the devil
38:43you keep coming into my private apartment
38:45and taking up space which I require
38:47for other purposes.
38:49I assume you have a room of your own.
38:51Get back there, you fat slob!
38:53And stay there.
38:55Did you call me a fat slob?
38:57I did. It's about time that some
38:59public-spirited person told you where to get off.
39:01The trouble with you, Spode,
39:03is that just because you've succeeded in inducing
39:05a handful of halfwits to disfigure
39:07the London scene by going about in black shorts,
39:09you think you're someone.
39:11You hear them shouting,
39:13and you imagine it's the voice of the people.
39:15That is where you make your bloomer.
39:17What the voice of the people is actually saying
39:19as Spode's swanking about in footer bags.
39:21Did you ever in your life see such a perfect perisher?
39:25I shall attend to you later.
39:27On the contrary, Spode, I shall attend to you now.
39:29Spode,
39:31I know your secret.
39:33Me?
39:35I know all about...
39:37Well, you know all about what?
39:41Uh...
39:43Euthymol.
39:45Uh...
39:47Eureka!
40:01Euclid!
40:09Eucalyptus!
40:11Ah!
40:15Eurydice!
40:17Ah!
40:19You!
40:21You!
40:23Eucharist!
40:25Ah!
40:29Euphorium!
40:31You!
40:33You!
40:35You!
40:37Ah!
40:39What are you?
40:43Ah!
40:45No!
40:49Eulalie!
40:53What?
40:55I know all about it, Spode.
40:57Oh, yes, I know all about
40:59Eulalie.
41:01Oh.
41:03But...
41:05How did you... How did you find out?
41:07Well, I...
41:09I have my methods, Spode.
41:11But you won't tell
41:13anyone, will you, Wooster?
41:15No, I won't.
41:17Thank you, Wooster, thank you.
41:19Provided that we have no more of these extraordinary
41:21exhibitions on your part.
41:23Of course, of course.
41:25I've been acting rather hastily.
41:27I forgot myself.
41:29It won't happen again.
41:31Well, it had better not.
41:33Oh, I know, I know.
41:35I was wrong.
41:37Well, I shall be very sharp on that sort of thing in future, Spode.
41:39I understand.
41:41Yes. As a matter of fact, I've not been at all satisfied
41:43with your behaviour ever since I came to this house.
41:45You called me a miserable worm this morning.
41:47I'm sorry
41:49that I called you a miserable worm, Wooster.
41:51I spoke without thinking.
41:53Ah, yes, well,
41:55always think, Spode, always.
41:57Right, well, that is all. You may withdraw.
41:59Good night, Spode. Good night,
42:01Wooster. And say good night, nicely,
42:03to Mr Fink-Nottle.
42:05Good night, Fink-Nottle.
42:15Oh, Paddy!
42:31Oi!
43:01Oh, my Lord!
43:23Where do you think you're going?
43:25It's gone, sir.
43:27What's gone?
43:29You were just going off
43:31and leaving everything else unguarded,
43:33witless...
43:51You did it!
43:55Help!
43:57Thief! Help!
43:59It's not Bertie!
44:01What? Oh, it doesn't matter.
44:03Help!
44:05I can't understand it, Sir Watkins, sir.
44:07It's got to be there somewhere, Sir Watkins, sir.
44:11Harold caught the thief.
44:13What? Oh, well done, young man, well done.
44:15Who's that? Harold saw him come in
44:17and hit him with his cricket bat.
44:19What the devil are you doing, Spode?
44:21Spode? Oh, no, you idiot, Harold!
44:23That fool, the policeman, said there was some silver missing.
44:25There was an intruder, Sir Watkins, sir.
44:27I very nearly apprehended him and...
44:29My cow creamer.
44:31It's gone.
44:33It's gone.
44:43Well?
44:45Nothing, Sir Watkins, sir.
44:47You searched every room.
44:49Every room, every piece of luggage, not a sign.
44:51You have trampled
44:53on the most elementary rules
44:55of hospitality, Sir Watkins.
44:59If you are now quite satisfied,
45:01I shall shake the dust
45:03of this place from my feet.
45:05Butterfield!
45:07Be so good as to call me a taxi.
45:09Very good.
45:17Thank you, Mr. Butterfield, for a most enjoyable stay.
45:19Thank you.
45:23Thank you.
45:31Bloody rum, James, all that.
45:33Indeed, sir.
45:35Just seems to have vanished into thin air.
45:37Everything all right, old kith and kin?
45:39Everything's wonderful, thank you, Bertie, dear.
45:41We were just wondering who on earth
45:43could have stolen the cow creamer, weren't we, James?
45:45Indeed, sir.
45:47Nobody stole the cow creamer.
45:49It was confiscated for return to its rightful owner.
45:51Confiscated it?
45:53I did. Then I gave it to Jeeves to hide for me.
45:55Have you got it, Jeeves?
45:59Good Lord.
46:09Good Lord.
46:11Thank you, Jeeves.
46:13Ta-da, Bertie.
46:21Good Lord.
46:27If there is just one thing, Jeeves,
46:29I do wish you could give me the inside joke about you leaving.
46:31The rules of the Junior Ganymede
46:33are extremely strict, sir.
46:35Jeeves, if you give me the lowdown,
46:37I will come on that world cruise of yours.
46:39No, sir.
46:41No, I could not betray a trust.
46:43Jeeves, I stand in awe.
46:45I'm almost tempted to come on that world cruise anyway
46:47as a reward for your resolution.
46:49That would be extremely generous, sir.
46:51I said almost, Jeeves.
46:53Yes, sir.
46:55The adverb did not escape me.