Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Now is the time. Repeat now. You may not like it, ladies and gentlemen. I may not like it.
00:10Your King of England may not like it. But death is coming, ladies and gentlemen. Oh,
00:15yes. And do you want to know something? There's not a thing that you...
00:20It's a scientific fact. You can look it up yourselves and I'll finish with you if you
00:24don't believe me. It's a fact. Proved by science a game in the game.
00:29The worst spreader of disease and pestilence since the brown rats spread the black death around Europe in 1492 is your budgerigar.
00:37Mr. Worcester, shall we? Oh, well, hello, Mr. Worcester.
00:40Are you going strong? Yes, I'm in excellent health, thank you. And you?
00:43In the pink, yes. Have you seen Bingo lately? Bingo?
00:46Your nephew. Oh, Richard. No, not very recently. Since my marriage, the whole coolness seems to have sprung up.
00:52Oh, sorry to hear that. Lady Bittles, are you all right? Excellent, thank you. Excellent.
00:56I say, you're the owner of Ocean Breeze, aren't you? Yes.
01:00My wife is interested in horse racing, so I now maintain a stable.
01:04I understand that Ocean Breeze is, fancy that expression is, for a race which will take place next week at Goodwood.
01:11Goodwood Cup? Oh, yes. I've got my chemise on it. Why?
01:15Look at them. Look at them. Drink them in, comrades.
01:19There we have two perfect examples of the class which has trotted down the poor for centuries.
01:26Idlers. Non-producers. Look at the tall, thin one with a face like a motor mascot.
01:31Has he ever done an honest day's work in his life? No.
01:35A prowler. A bloodsucker. And I bet he still owes his tailor for those trousers.
01:41Great gift of expression these fellows have. Very attrentive.
01:44And the fat one. Don't miss him. Do you know who that is? That's Lord Bittlesham, that's who.
01:49What has that man ever done except eat four square meals a day?
01:55I'll leave you with that thought.
01:58The last man to oppose the right of free speech shall refuse to listen to vulgar abuse.
02:17Do I know you? What about it? Bingo!
02:21You're too bingo. I thought your uncle was going to have a ticket.
02:25Look at that, Bertie. Isn't she the most wonderful girl you ever saw in your whole life?
02:29Great scum, bingo. Don't tell me you're in love again. Bertie, this is the real thing.
02:34Her name's Charlotte Rowbottom. Her father wants to massacre the bourgeoisie,
02:39sack Park Lane and disembowel the aristocracy. Can't say fairer than that, can you?
02:44Yes, thank you, George. A couple of big gins. And where did you meet this woman?
02:48On top of a bus. I fell in love, got her address, and then a couple of days later
02:53I bought the beard and toddled round to meet the family. Why the beard?
02:56Well, on the bus she told me about her father. And I saw that to get any footing at all
03:00I should have to join these Red Dawn blighters. And if I did, I'd have to make speeches in the park
03:04and, well, I might run into dozens of people I knew. Still, it's done me a lot of good with old Rowbottom.
03:09He thinks I'm a Bolshevist who has to go about in disguise because of the police.
03:13Tell you what, what are you doing this afternoon? Nothing special. Why?
03:17I'm making tea at your flat. I had promised to take them to Lion's popular cafe after the meeting
03:21but money's a bit of a problem these days. You know my uncle got married?
03:27Yes, yes.
03:29Hmm. Well, ever since he married he's been spending all his money on her
03:33and economising on me. Bought a racing stable amongst other things.
03:37You're going to Goodwood, are you? Of course.
03:39Put your last collar stud on ocean breeze at Goodwood Cup. I'm going to.
03:42Can't lose. I'm going to win enough on it to marry Charlotte.
03:47Oh, by the way, about tea, I hardly think...
03:50Just the four of us. Charlotte, self, old man Rowbottom and comrade Butt.
03:55Who the devil is comrade Butt?
03:57Small, shriveled sort of a chap. Looks like a haddock with lung trouble.
04:00He's sort of semi-engaged to Charlotte at the moment.
04:03Till I came along he was the blue-eyed boy.
04:06Oh, well, must push on. You don't know how I can raise 50 quid somehow, do you?
04:11Work?
04:14No, I must think of some way. I need to put at least 50 quid on ocean breeze.
04:19Oh, well, see you later.
04:25Jeeves, I'm worried. Sir?
04:27About Mr Little. I won't tell you about it now.
04:29He's bringing some friends of his along for tea this afternoon.
04:32I want you to form your own opinion. Very good, sir.
04:34I will only say this. It concerns a young lady.
04:36One has surmised as much, sir, bearing in mind Mr Little's propensities.
04:39I've only seen a photograph. It may well be that she has a heart of gold.
04:42However, the first thing that strikes one about her is that she also has a tooth of gold.
04:45Very good, sir.
04:46Now, Jeeves, about this tea. Get some muffins in, will you?
04:48Yes, sir.
04:49Also some ham, jam, cakes, scrambled eggs,
04:52and about five or six wagon loads of sardines.
04:55Sardines, sir?
04:56Sardines.
04:58Well, don't look at me, Jeeves. It's not my fault.
05:00No, sir.
05:01Oh, and Jeeves. Yes, sir?
05:03These friends of Mr Little's are by way of being revolutionaries.
05:06I don't think you'll feel all that comfortable with the idea of me having a manservant.
05:09I understand, sir.
05:10So if we could make out that you and I are sort of, well, chums,
05:13I think it might just ease the wheels a bit.
05:15Chums, sir? Yes.
05:18PHONE RINGS
05:27Aunt Delia! What, an old blood relation?
05:29Hello, Bertie, you revolting young blot.
05:31To what do I owe the pleasure? I thought you were meant to be in the country.
05:33I am. Are you sober?
05:34Yes, Judge.
05:35Then listen attentively.
05:37I am supposed to be staying at Marsham Manor
05:39with Cornelia Fothergill, the novelist.
05:41Ever heard of her?
05:42Vaguely, as it were. She's not on my library list.
05:44She would be if you were a woman.
05:46She specialises in rich gold with a female trade.
05:49I'm trying to persuade her to let me have our new novel as a serial for me lady's boudoir.
05:53How's the old mag?
05:55The old mag's losing money about as fast as any tasteful magazine for the Lady of Refinement.
06:00A new serial by Cornelia Fothergill would just about save our bacon.
06:04But Cornelia's been no help whatsoever.
06:06She doesn't say no, she won't say yes.
06:09That's why you're coming down to Marsham Manor.
06:12I am?
06:13In person.
06:14What on earth for?
06:15To help me sway her.
06:17You'll exercise all your charm.
06:19Give her the old oil.
06:21Well, I don't know, old flesh and blood. I'm meant to be going to Goodwood.
06:23Oh, Marsham and the Bell is next door to Goodwood, you chump.
06:26The starter practically waves its flag out of my bedroom window.
06:30Oh, well, that puts a rather different complexion on things.
06:36I beg pardon, Comrade Worcester, some persons to see you.
06:40Comrade Worcester, we've heard many stories of your exploits in the fight against capitalism.
06:46Who are these people, Bertie?
06:48Well, Bingo Little, you know.
06:50Do I?
06:52And this, I take it, is Mr. Rowbottom.
06:54Pleased to make your acquaintance, comrades.
06:56This is my daughter, Comrade Charlotte.
06:58And he's Comrade Butt.
07:00Butt what?
07:03Comrade Butt yearns for the revolution just like you do.
07:08Comrade Worcester never yearned for anything in his life except a stone-dead cert at a hundred to one.
07:13Oh, you will have your little joke, Comrade Dalyer.
07:16I think I'd better go.
07:18Right, right.
07:20I don't know what you're up to just now, Bertie,
07:23but I shall expect you at Marsham Manor tomorrow.
07:26Oh, by the way, when you get there, I've got a little something I want you to do for me.
07:29What sort of little something?
07:31When you get there, just a little something to help Auntie.
07:33You'll enjoy it.
07:35Toodle-oo, comrades.
07:39Lovely ham, Pop.
07:41Ham, muffins, eggs,
07:43all wrung from the bleeding lips of the starving poor.
07:46I say, please.
07:48I wonder the food doesn't turn to ashes in our mouths.
07:51Another sardine, Comrade Butt?
07:53Very well, but only to express solidarity with our Portuguese brothers.
07:57And why aren't you sitting down, Comrade Jeeves?
08:00The history of the revolution, Comrade Butt,
08:02is the history of putting food on the plates of the proletariat.
08:05Well said, well said, Comrade Jeeves.
08:07Never mind about well said, Comrade Rowbottom.
08:09He's behaving like a servant.
08:11Servant? No, no, no, no.
08:13We take it in turns, you see.
08:15One day I'll do the chores, then the next day Comrade Jeeves.
08:17It's Comrade Jeeves' day today, isn't it, old pal?
08:19Indeed it is, Comrade, sir.
08:21Old pal chum.
08:23Why don't you sit down, Comrade Jeeves,
08:25and I'll take over for a bit to show Comrade Butt how it all works.
08:27Very good, Comrade.
08:30I think you'll find it needs some more hot water, Comrade.
08:33Hot water, right, yes.
08:36From the kettle, Comrade Worcester, of course.
08:38Naturally, Comrade Jeeves.
08:40Yes, right, well, no sooner said than wanted.
08:46I'll send you some literature on the subject of the cause, Comrade Jeeves.
08:49Perhaps we shall see you at one of our little meetings.
08:52Perhaps indeed, Comrade Rowbottom.
08:55I don't know what you've been doing to the cooker, Comrade Jeeves,
08:57but I don't seem to be able to get the gas lit.
09:00It's electric, sir.
09:06There's something very fishy about these so-called friends of yours, Comrade Little.
09:09Oh, you're always suspicious of everything, Charlie Butt.
09:12I am not, but look around you.
09:14Is this the dwelling of a worker?
09:16Full-blown bourgeois decadence.
09:18That's what I call it.
09:20Go grub, though.
09:22Here, soon have the old hot water.
09:24The cooker installed yesterday. I haven't quite got the hang of it.
09:27Electric, you know.
09:29I can't quite recall, Comrade Worcester.
09:31What was it Comrade Starlin said about socialism in that respect?
09:36Comrade, I think Comrade Butt is probably referring to Comrade Starlin's report
09:40to the Congress of Soviets in December 1920,
09:43in which he said that socialism was Soviet power
09:46plus the electrification of the whole country.
09:50Oh.
09:54I must say, Jeeves, I thought you did awfully well.
09:56Where did you learn all that stuff about the revolution?
09:58It is as well to know exactly what tunes the devil is playing, sir.
10:02Now then, what about Charlotte Rowbottom?
10:04I prefer not to express an opinion, sir.
10:06Jeeves, Bingo is in love with that female.
10:09So I gather, sir, she was slapping him in the corridor.
10:13Slapping him?
10:15Yes, sir, roguishly.
10:17Oh, Lord. I didn't realise it had quite got that far.
10:20How was Comrade Butt taking it?
10:22He struck me as extremely jealous, sir.
10:24Jeeves, this is a bit thick.
10:26Very much so, sir.
10:30Pip-pip.
10:45Why is it, do you think, Jeeves, that the thought of the little thing
10:47my Aunt Dahlia wants me to do for her fills me with a nameless foreboding?
10:51Experience, sir.
10:57You must be Dahlia's nephew, Mr. Worcester.
10:59Yes, absolutely.
11:00How very nice of you to join us.
11:02I'm Cornelia Fothergill.
11:03How do you do?
11:04I thought we put Mr. Worcester in the gate room, Denning.
11:07Very good, Mrs. Fothergill.
11:08My husband is still in his studio, Mr. Worcester.
11:11Why don't we go along and introduce you and try to get him to finish for the day?
11:14Oh, well, I'm game.
11:15Murphy!
11:16Oh, what ho, Madeline? I didn't know you were here.
11:18Mrs. Fothergill is very kindly helping me with my poetry.
11:21We're trying to persuade Madeline to favour us with a reading after dinner one night.
11:24Oh, well, that's something to look forward to.
11:26Come along, Mr. Worcester.
11:28You shouldn't have come.
11:30Oh, well.
11:31You've got to forget me, Bertie.
11:33Let the past die.
11:36Die? Yes, right.
11:40Everard's painting, Lord Sidcup, at the moment.
11:43Really? What colour?
11:44I don't understand.
11:46No, no. Um, portrait, eh?
11:48On the occasion of his elevation.
11:50This is Mrs. Travers' nephew, Everard.
11:52My husband, Mr. Worcester, Everard Fothergill.
11:55How do you do?
11:56Yes, yes, yes.
11:58Everard's father's a painter, too, Mr. Worcester.
12:00You'll meet him at dinner.
12:02Ah. I say, you're a clever painting that.
12:05You like it?
12:06I know that face, don't I?
12:08Ugly devil.
12:09It looks just like that fellow that I...
12:11Worcester!
12:12Ah!
12:13Damn it! Blast it!
12:15I'm most awfully sorry.
12:17What are you doing here, Worcester?
12:19Oh, you know, this and that.
12:21Hither and yon.
12:22I say, I like your hat.
12:24It's called a coronet, Mr. Worcester.
12:26Mr. Spode is now the 7th Earl of Sidcup.
12:29Good Lord.
12:30Since the lamented death of my late uncle, the 6th Earl,
12:33I'm now touring the country bidding farewell
12:35to my legions of the saviours of Britain.
12:38You're leaving the backcourt?
12:39I'm called to higher realms of government.
12:42The day I address the Martian power Gannet Division,
12:45it will be a moving occasion.
12:48And that's how he came to paint Chelsea Bridge?
12:52My father-in-law's a fine painter, you know.
12:55There's paint in the blood, you see.
12:58Crikey.
12:59I trust you'll all be at the rally tomorrow
13:01to hear my farewell to Gannet Division, Master.
13:03The will never got his side, Bob, either.
13:05Not many people know that.
13:08Really?
13:09Ah, you're talking of blood.
13:12My movement is dedicated to founding a new order
13:15based on fairness and equality.
13:18I have no relation to the peerage
13:19because of a mere accident.
13:21Blood is grossly unfair.
13:24Did you have a nasty accident, Uncle?
13:27We will bring in legislation to ensure
13:29that every citizen has the same rights.
13:32The dustman's son shall have the absolute,
13:35guaranteed and inalienable right to become the dustman.
13:38What a clever idea.
13:40And so forth.
13:41It will be written into the law of the land.
13:45I trust that you all will be able to hear my farewell
13:48to the Gannet Division at Marsham Barber.
13:52Yes, he has got to polish the golf clubs, you know.
13:56Comrade Butt, is it not?
14:08What?
14:09May I join you?
14:10Oh, yes, all right.
14:16You're that Jeeves, aren't you?
14:18That friend of Comrade Little.
14:20Indeed, Comrade Butt.
14:21But I don't care if you are.
14:23I speak my mind.
14:25Don't trust that Comrade Little.
14:27Indeed, Comrade.
14:29Indeed.
14:39Oh, sorry.
14:40Oh, Bertie.
14:41I need someone to turn the pages for me.
14:44Right, well, I'll go and find someone, shall I?
14:46Don't be silly, Bertie.
14:47You can do it.
14:50Ah.
14:58Isn't it beautiful?
15:00Well, yes.
15:02Don't you think George Sand had a beneficial influence
15:04on Chopin's work?
15:06I never knew him.
15:09Oh, Bertie, I'm nearly at the bottom of the page now.
15:14Ah, Bertie.
15:15I'm so sorry.
15:16Please, Bertie, do it.
15:21Wooster, get on your feet, you swine.
15:25Now, look here.
15:26I have had to talk to you before about testering,
15:28Miss Bassett, Wooster.
15:29I shall not tell you again.
15:31Do you understand?
15:32Well, I...
15:33Miss Bassett does not welcome your attentions, Wooster.
15:35If I catch you just once more trying to force yourself
15:38on that poor, harmless girl, I shall tear your head off
15:41and make you carry it around in a bag.
15:43Do I make myself clear?
15:44Well, yes, but...
15:45No buts, Wooster.
15:46No wells.
15:47You will simply keep your beastly attentions to yourself.
15:50Do you understand?
15:51Well, yes, Spode.
15:52Lord Sidcup to you.
15:54Lord Spodecup.
15:56Sidcup.
15:57Right, yes.
16:00Bertie.
16:01What?
16:02Come with me.
16:03You didn't tell me that Spode was going to be down here.
16:05Just be quiet and listen.
16:07Did you notice anything odd about Everard Fothergill at dinner?
16:10Well, he was groaning a lot.
16:12I'm not surprised.
16:13It's because of this.
16:22Everard's father painted that.
16:25He gave it to Everard's wedding present.
16:28Ah, thus saving money on the customary fish slice.
16:31Shrewd, very shrewd.
16:32Well, as you can see, it's a mess.
16:34Being devoted to his father, not wanting to hurt his feelings,
16:37Everard can't have it taken down and put in the cellar,
16:39so he's stuck with it.
16:41Has to sit looking at it every time he puts on the nose bag.
16:44With what result?
16:45The food turns to ashes in his mouth.
16:47Exactly.
16:48It drives him potty.
16:50Everard's a real artist.
16:52His stuff's good.
16:53Some of it's even in the tape.
16:55Look at that.
16:56That's one of Everard's.
16:58Oh, I like the patina.
17:00You don't even know what a patina is.
17:02Well, no, but it's generally safe to say something like that
17:04when confronted with a bit of art.
17:06Cornelia wants her father-in-law's terrible picture destroyed.
17:10She'd be so grateful to anyone who accomplishes this for her,
17:13she'd be unable to refuse them anything.
17:16You're going to pinch it for me.
17:20There.
17:21I knew you'd want to help.
17:24What a dear, helpful boy he is.
17:32Oh, he looks lovely, doesn't he?
17:34Bookings were offering 72 this morning.
17:36Oh, lovely.
17:37He's a fine animal, Lady Bittlesworth.
17:39Do you like our colours, Mr. Worcester?
17:41Yellow and black stripes and a black cap.
17:43Well, as long as he doesn't think his jockey's a wasp.
17:45I beg pardon, my lord.
17:47A person called at the door and asked for this to be delivered to you urgent.
17:50Who was this person, what is? Do we know?
17:52I could not tell you.
17:54I'm afraid I don't know.
17:56I'm afraid I don't know.
17:58I'm afraid I don't know.
18:00Who was this person, what is? Do we know?
18:02I couldn't say, m'lady.
18:04A youngish person with a big beard.
18:06Good God!
18:08What is it, my dear?
18:10Our most dastardly threatening letter.
18:12Threatening letter?
18:14Unless you leave 50 pounds under the large white stone
18:17at the back of the main stand at Goodwood,
18:19you will live to regret it.
18:22Oh, Mortimer!
18:24What ho, uncle? Auntie?
18:26Hello, Auntie.
18:28You can't look.
18:30Good Lord!
18:32When did this come?
18:34Only a few moments ago.
18:36Delivered by a youngish person with a big beard.
18:38Good Lord!
18:42You don't suppose it was the fellow you were telling me about the other day, uncle?
18:45The one who insulted you so dreadfully at Speaker's Corner?
18:48I don't know. It could have been, I suppose.
18:50I thought as much.
18:52Did you now?
18:54This is political.
18:56I can't deal with this.
18:58Broughten we to go to the police?
19:00Oh, no. They'd only hamper my investigations.
19:04Don't worry, Auntie.
19:10Bingo!
19:12Silly to ask, really, but you did write that letter, didn't you?
19:14One of the best gents' ordinary threatening letters I ever wrote.
19:16With the exercise of a little tact,
19:18I've managed to get what I need to put on Ocean Breeze
19:20to finance my marriage to Charlotte.
19:22By the way, what did you think of Charlotte when we had tea the other day?
19:24I know, old man, I know. Don't try and find words.
19:26Left his speech to say.
19:28She has that effect on everybody.
19:30Oh, well. Toodle-oo.
19:38I do hope Lord Seatacup won't embarrass us with his silly meeting.
19:40The man's an idiot.
19:42His mother was an idiot, too.
19:44We won't go into that, thank you, Father-in-law.
19:46Ha!
19:48BUZZER
19:50BUZZER
19:52BUZZER
19:54BUZZER
19:56Goodwood's always a big day for us, eh, Charlotte?
19:58Oh, it is, Pop, yes.
20:00I mean, 90% of them put their money on losers.
20:04Then they see the capitalist system exposed for what it really is.
20:08BUZZER
20:10BUZZER
20:12Capitalist hyena!
20:18BUZZER
20:20BUZZER
20:22BUZZER
20:24BUZZER
20:26I wonder if Bingo and that woman are here, please.
20:28They're certainly in the vicinity, sir.
20:30I saw Comrade Butt at Little Hill House last night.
20:32BUZZER
20:34Two to one ocean breeze.
20:36Two to one ocean breeze.
20:38Right, six to one ocean breeze.
20:40Six to one ocean breeze.
20:42BUZZER
20:44BUZZER
20:46BUZZER
20:48BUZZER
20:50Ocean breeze certainly locks the path, don't you think, Jeeves?
20:52I must confess, I find something disquieting in the gate, Mrs Travers.
20:56Is there anything wrong with it?
20:58It's not something I can put my finger on.
21:00Perhaps a certain maritime roll.
21:02It brings to mind the old bookmaker's adage,
21:04walk like a sailor and run like a walrus.
21:06That apple sauce, Jeeves.
21:08BUZZER
21:10Oh, hasn't that horse got a sweet little face?
21:12The one with the jockey in pink and blue.
21:14I'd bet all my money on that one.
21:16Romeo, lad!
21:18Has anyone told you you're not safe to be out?
21:20There's sixty-six to one.
21:22Romeo, lad, sixty-six to one.
21:24Who wants a sixty-six to one?
21:26There's no danger of Comrade Little helping here, I suppose.
21:30You give it a rest, Charlie Butt.
21:32Comrades, comrades.
21:34I hope nobody else is holding a rally here today.
21:38BUZZER
21:40BUZZER
21:42BUZZER
21:44BUZZER
21:46BUZZER
21:48BUZZER
21:50BUZZER
21:52BUZZER
21:54BUZZER
21:56BUZZER
21:58Right, I'm just off to put the money on.
22:00Keep your fingers crossed, darling.
22:02If Ocean Breeze wins,
22:04it's wedding bells for us.
22:06MUSIC
22:08£2.01.
22:10£2.01.
22:12Come on, gentlemen.
22:14£2.01.
22:16£2.01.
22:18£50 on Ocean Breeze to win.
22:20MUSIC
22:22MUSIC
22:24Deeply troubled, Jane,
22:26by that letter we received this morning.
22:28Oh, just some crank, Malty.
22:30I shall never forgive myself.
22:32It's him!
22:34The man with the beard.
22:36MUSIC
22:38MUSIC
22:40MUSIC
22:42Well, I hope we've all got our little sixpences
22:44on Ocean Breeze, have we?
22:46Well, I can see the race itself is a pure formality.
22:48Just a sort of quaint old world ceremony
22:50that has to be gone through before we saunter over
22:52with a wheelbarrow to collect our winnings.
22:54When I win, I'm going to take a holiday in Tahiti.
22:56What about you, Madeline, dear?
22:58No, I put five shillings
23:00on a horse called Romeo Lad.
23:02At 66 to 1,
23:04it had a sweet little face.
23:06Yes, and as I looked at him,
23:08I thought I heard a little fairy voice
23:10saying his name over and over.
23:12We all hope it's going to be
23:14an exciting race.
23:16They're coming up to the line
23:18and they're under starting order.
23:24And they're off!
23:26And Tinker Ford goes straight into the lead,
23:28followed by Havid Downs for a red advert.
23:30O'Shea Breeze seems to be left at the start,
23:32taking up the running now,
23:34a spare win for Havid Downs,
23:36a red advert for Tinker Ford,
23:38and just behind them,
23:40after the loss of Romeo Lad,
23:42poor old O'Shea Breeze
23:44seems to be making a little ground now,
23:46but spreading out in front,
23:48it's still Havid Downs,
23:50a red advert,
23:52a spare win,
23:54followed by Tinker Ford
23:56and Romeo Lad really making a race of it,
23:58a spare win just goes ahead,
24:00with Super Fox and Tinker Ford also gaining ground,
24:02and in the final stretch, a spare win still there,
24:04but now Romeo Lad,
24:06Romeo Lad making a tremendous run,
24:08and it's Romeo Lad, a spare win,
24:10and Romeo Lad goes past the poster,
24:12followed by a spare win,
24:14Tinker Ford a red advert,
24:16then Super Fox and Havid Downs,
24:18and eighth and last,
24:20the favourite poor old O'Shea Breeze.
24:22Good Lord!
24:24I mean to say,
24:26good Lord!
24:28Did I win?
24:30Yes, dear, you won.
24:32Isn't life glorious?
24:40This is a sad occasion.
24:44Fate has decreed
24:46that I must leave the saviours of Britain
24:48to take up the reins
24:50of the ship of state
24:52in another place.
24:54Oh, shut it!
24:56Other hands will tread the path before you
24:58that these eyes have mapped out.
25:00Where do we get on?
25:02I lost everything.
25:04One of the many measures
25:06I intend to introduce
25:08into the House of Lords
25:10will be a bill widening the gauge
25:12of the British railway system
25:14by eight inches to facilitate
25:16the transportation of livestock.
25:18The dismal jimmies
25:20will tell you
25:22that we cannot afford to replace
25:24the 27,000 miles of track
25:26necessary for the task.
25:28They have not looked at it scientifically.
25:30It will be more than paid for
25:32by the fact that sheep
25:34will be able to stand sideways.
25:36Ho! Ho!
25:38Oxford University
25:40will also be abolished.
25:42Ho! Ho!
25:44We must have progress.
25:46Hail Spode! Hail Spode!
25:48Oh, well, we'd better get on with the meeting, I suppose.
25:50Can we, with him shouting his head off?
25:52Let Richard start.
25:54He'll soon see off Spode.
25:56These men have told me
25:58that the lobe of the average Englishman
26:00is shorter,
26:02more clearly defined
26:04and better adapted to the work
26:06that every lobe has to do
26:08than the lobes of any other race!
26:10Hail Spode!
26:12Comrades,
26:14we stand here united
26:16against the forces of Wall Street
26:18and the City of London.
26:20In our march
26:22towards a new Britain,
26:24we will be fearless in the face
26:26of the Bolsheviks!
26:28We stand for ownership
26:30by the proletariat of all means
26:32of production and distribution.
26:34I do not believe...
26:36I don't suppose there's anything in this
26:38fairy of voices in this letter, please.
26:40Possibly, sir, but I received the same
26:42information as Miss Bassett
26:44from a rather spotty stable lad.
26:46Will you honour a new lad?
26:48Just a small wager, sir,
26:50to make the race interesting.
26:52Good afternoon, Lady Bittleton, my lord.
26:54How much did you drop?
26:56On Ocean Breeze.
26:58I didn't bet on Ocean Breeze.
27:00You looked as rattled.
27:02I'm just looking for Richard
27:04to get him to apprehend the creature.
27:06We shall rely on the good old English fist!
27:08Hail Spode!
27:10Hail Spode!
27:12Hail Spode!
27:14Go on, Richard, tell him!
27:16Hail Spode!
27:18Hail Spode!
27:20I tell you, comrades,
27:22we have here today at Goodwood
27:24a perfect example
27:26of another unholy alliance.
27:28I mean,
27:30the unholy alliance between
27:32the plutocratic racehorse owners
27:34and the bookies!
27:36Another alliance against the British working man!
27:38Yeah!
27:40The capitalistic owner,
27:42together with his chums, the bookie
27:44and the newspaper magnate, would have
27:46the honest working man believe
27:48that his horse is the real good,
27:50when the reality is
27:52that he couldn't even trot
27:54the length of the stable yard
27:56without crossing his bally legs
27:58and sitting down for a rest!
28:00My friends,
28:02my friends,
28:04the Bolsheviks might appeal
28:06to their instincts of greed
28:08and envy.
28:10We've all lost hard-earned money today
28:12to the bookies on Ocean Breeze,
28:14but what does Lord Bittleson care?
28:16There he is, comrades.
28:18I tell you,
28:20this country won't be a fit place
28:22for honest men to live in
28:24till the blood of Lord Bittleson and his kind
28:26runs in rivers down the gutters
28:28of Park Lane!
28:30I know
28:32Comrade Little
28:34Mind me intervening,
28:36comrades, to tell you that
28:38our own movement is also
28:40being infiltrated by
28:42our enemies!
28:44Even in our own little band,
28:46we have the nephew
28:48of that very same
28:50Lord Bittleson, whose name you
28:52were outing a moment ago!
28:56Richard!
29:00Lord Bittleson's nephew?
29:04Help!
29:24Is this not typical
29:26of the Bolshevik mob's behaviour?
29:30Go on!
29:32Go on, hit him!
29:34Here, my lord!
29:38You swine!
29:52Go on, get him! Get him, the fat one!
29:56Coming through, gentlemen, please!
30:02Get him!
30:06That's right, well done!
30:10I'd drink too
30:12if I owned a horse like that.
30:14No, no, he's been in a...
30:16Bertie, when we get back to the house,
30:18I must talk to you about the painting.
30:20Painting?
30:28Loser brat!
30:32Out! Out!
30:40The Garden, by Madeline Buffett.
30:44In the garden of my heart
30:46the blossom o'erhang the lea.
30:48The skylark sings
30:50from morn till night,
30:52high in the sleepy
30:54jacaranda tree.
30:56But the garden of my heart
30:58is watered only by my tears.
31:00Under the wise old
31:02gnarled oak,
31:04inter me when my time appears.
31:08And on the mossy stone above
31:10carved these words without lament.
31:12She lived,
31:14she laughed,
31:16she breathed her last.
31:18Here, Edgar.
31:20Now, look here, Spode.
31:22Even if you cannot remain awake during
31:24Miss Bassett's recital, you could at least refrain from squalling.
31:26Well, yes, but...
31:28You're a philistine, Worcester.
31:36Jeeves?
31:38Oh, blast it.
31:42Oh, there you are, Jeeves.
31:44I'm sorry, sir. I had to go down to the Larder.
31:46What's that you've got there?
31:48Brown paper, sir, and treacle.
31:50You know the thing that really puzzles me, Jeeves?
31:52No, no.
31:54How the dickens did Comrade Buck get to know that Bingo was old Bittlesham's nephew?
31:56I fear I may have carelessly
31:58disclosed Mr. Little's identity
32:00to Mr. Buck in the public house, sir.
32:02Thus effectively scuttering Bingo's romance with Charlotte Robot.
32:04I fear so, sir.
32:06I understand that Miss Robot now looks on Mr. Little
32:08as a traitor to the cause.
32:10Poor old Bingo.
32:14Treacle, Jeeves?
32:16Yes, sir. The approved method
32:18is to cut a small square of brown paper
32:20roughly equivalent to the size of the pane of glass,
32:22smear it in treacle,
32:24What on earth are you talking about, Jeeves?
32:26The way to break a window silently, sir.
32:28Who wants to break a window silently?
32:30Or noisily, if it comes to that.
32:32Mrs. Travers gave me to understand
32:34that you were intending to steal a painting, sir.
32:36Oh, well, let me give you to understand this, Jeeves.
32:38I have no intention whatever
32:40of stealing any dratted painting
32:42with or without the assistance of treacle.
32:44Very good, sir.
32:46Mrs. Travers will be disappointed, sir.
32:48Oh, will she? Well...
32:50Are you ready?
32:52No, I am not ready, Aunt Ellie.
32:54I am taking no part in your harebrained schemes.
32:56I don't know why you're looking like a stuck pig about it.
32:58It's right up your street.
33:00You're always pinching policemen's helmets and things.
33:02Not always.
33:04Only as an occasional treat.
33:06Anyway, pinching a painting is much easier.
33:08You just cut it out of the frame
33:10with a good sharp knife.
33:12Well, I haven't got a good sharp knife.
33:14Yes, you have.
33:16Oh, now, look here.
33:18Oh, now, look here.
33:48Oh, now, look here.
34:18Oh, now, look here.
34:48Oh!
35:18Oh!
35:48Oh!
36:18Oh!
36:48Oh!
37:02Ah!
37:04Yes, well...
37:06I was, uh...
37:08No, look, uh...
37:10Why don't I just pour you a...
37:12You all right?
37:16You all right?
37:30Who on earth is that?
37:32It's Mr. Fothergill, Sr., Aunt Delia.
37:34Bertie, don't tell me you've messed things up again.
37:36If I might be permitted to put him down
37:38before I submit to your interrogation.
37:40What does he want?
37:42Well, I think he wanted to ask me,
37:44not unreasonably under the circumstances,
37:46why I was in his dining room at one in the morning
37:48covered in treacle.
37:50You didn't tell him?
37:52No, I didn't, Aunt Delia.
37:54I didn't tell him that I was hell-bent
37:56on stealing his painting
37:58in order that his son might be cured
38:00of chronic dyspepsia
38:02so that his grateful daughter-in-law
38:04would then allow my aunt
38:06to publish said daughter-in-law's latest novel
38:08He's messed it up again, Jeeves.
38:10He's as bad at this as he is at racing tips.
38:12Well, all that dash and nerve.
38:14Bertie, you don't know what this means to me.
38:16Well, you don't know what it means to me.
38:18Call me old-fashioned,
38:20but I have a distinct antipathy to bars on the windows
38:22and eating off tin plates.
38:24You just go and get that painting, Bertie Wooster.
38:26If you think I'm going to get involved
38:28with that blasted treacle once more,
38:30you've got another thing coming.
38:32All right, Bertie.
38:34You don't have to use the treacle, does he, Jeeves?
38:36It would lend verisimilitude, Mrs. Travers.
38:38He doesn't have to use the treacle, Jeeves.
38:40He doesn't have to do anything.
38:42He doesn't want to.
38:44He doesn't want to.
39:14You've got it!
39:16He's out cold.
39:18Give me the scissors.
39:20You hold.
39:22I'll cut.
39:24Where's Jeeves?
39:26I sent him to get some whiskey.
39:28Ah, what now, Jeeves?
39:30I did it.
39:32You did it.
39:34I did it.
39:36I did it.
39:38I did it.
39:40I did it.
39:42Now, Jeeves, I did it.
39:44Yes, sir. With soda for you, Mrs. Travers?
39:46Just a splash, Jeeves.
39:48Same for me, Jeeves.
39:50Should I pour some for Mr. Fothergill, sir?
39:52It might revive him
39:54if I were to rub a little onto his lips.
39:56Well, we don't want him revived just yet, Jeeves.
40:02Say, this oil paint burns nice, doesn't it?
40:04Oh, how this brings back memories
40:06of the dear old school
40:08and our girlish cocoa parties.
40:10Happy days, happy days.
40:12Cheers.
40:16Excuse me, madam.
40:18Did I understand you to say
40:20that Mr. Fothergill Sr.'s name was Edward?
40:22Edward, yes.
40:24You may think of him as Eddie if you wish. Why?
40:26It is merely that the painting we have here
40:28seems to be signed by Everard, Fothergill, madam.
40:30I thought I should mention it.
40:34Looks like Edward to me.
40:36It's Everard.
40:38It's Edward. Everard.
40:40Bertie, you curse of the civilised world!
40:42If you've burnt the wrong picture,
40:44Cornelia will kill me.
40:46What do you mean, if you've burnt it?
40:48Why is it always me? It's always me, isn't it?
40:50All right. Look, if you don't believe me,
40:52we'll go downstairs and have a look.
41:06Hmm.
41:12But...
41:14they've both gone.
41:16We can see that, you blithering idiot.
41:18Well, someone's taken the other picture.
41:20If you'll pardon me for saying so, sir,
41:22I think I may know who that person is.
41:24Hand it over, Sidcup.
41:26What?
41:28How dare you burst into my room?
41:30The painting.
41:32I don't know what you're talking about.
41:34Why should I steal Fothergill's painting?
41:36Aha!
41:38What?
41:40You said Fothergill's painting.
41:42Oh.
41:44Well, I... I was just going to borrow it.
41:46It's... it's...
41:48It's...
41:50It's...
41:52I was just going to borrow it.
41:54Ah, yes, this is it, all right.
41:56Stout females, unclothed, one.
41:58In conference with doves, one.
42:00How dare you?
42:02But hold on a minute.
42:04I should spur one to steal old Fothergill's painting.
42:06Yes, why did you?
42:08But I didn't. I wouldn't.
42:10It was nice.
42:12It would seem wiser, Lord Sidcup,
42:14to reveal the background to the picture.
42:16But I don't want to. Why should I?
42:18You only kill everyone.
42:20What?
42:22It's my mother.
42:24What is?
42:26Are you trying to be funny?
42:28That is the woman in the painting.
42:30Lord Sidcup's mother was, for a time,
42:32Mr. Edward Fothergill's model, sir.
42:34Good Lord!
42:36How could I sit in the House of Lords
42:38with that hanging over me?
42:40Well, hanging of the sideboard, actually.
42:42Well, Snowden, you've caused us a lot of bother.
42:44But you wanted the Venus expunged,
42:46Fothergill wanted the Venus expunged,
42:48and when she finds that,
42:50due to your fat-headedness,
42:52Everard's very valuable painting
42:54has also been expunged.
42:56Ah, yes, well, there is that.
42:58If I might be permitted to make a suggestion, Madam?
43:00Yes, Jeeves.
43:02If the window were broken and both pictures removed,
43:04Mrs. Fothergill could, I think,
43:06be readily persuaded
43:08that miscreance had affected a burglarious entry
43:10and that Mr. Worcester
43:12had valiantly attempted to protect her property.
43:14She would, one feels, be grateful.
43:16I see what you mean, Jeeves.
43:18Hold on a minute, Jeeves. I don't quite see why
43:20Mrs. Fothergill should think anything of the sort.
43:22The details of the plan, sir,
43:24do demand that you be discovered
43:26lying stunned on the floor of the dining room.
43:28Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
43:30Ah, well, far be it for me to be a wet blanket, Jeeves,
43:32but there is a flaw
43:34to which the fact that I am not now
43:36nor ever intend to be lying on the floor of the dining room
43:38stunned me.
43:40You mean you won't play ball?
43:42I do.
43:44Badoing!
43:54Here.
43:56Put him here.
44:02Right. Jeeves,
44:04take this upstairs and get rid of it.
44:06Oh, and break the window first, would you?
44:08Let me do it! Let me do it!
44:14Let me do it!
44:18Ah!
44:20Oh!
44:24Ah!
44:26It was a hibiccus.
44:28It was a marvellous one.
44:30Very nice, Roderick.
44:32You'd better get to bed now.
44:34Oh.
44:36All right.
44:38Help!
44:40Godless!
44:42Help!
44:44Where am I?
44:46Mr. Worcester's room, sir.
44:48You were taken ill.
44:50That's right. In the dining room.
44:52He...
44:54What's that?
44:56A painting, sir.
44:58A painting? What painting?
45:04What are you doing with that?
45:08A gang of international art thieves
45:10attempted to make off with it, sir.
45:12Mr. Worcester gallantly intervened
45:14to save it.
45:16What a damn fool!
45:18I hate that picture.
45:20It's the worst thing I've ever done.
45:22Oh, throw it on the fire, for God's sake.
45:28I fear I may have misjudged you.
45:30You've been positively intrepid,
45:32Mr. Worcester.
45:34But he has always been so brave.
45:36I'll call the police.
45:40Damn shame about Dad's painting, though.
45:52So if Everard and Cornelia hadn't politely kept saying
45:54how wonderful the old boy's painting was all these years,
45:56the whole thing could have been cleared up at a trice.
45:58Precisely, sir. It's often the way with families,
46:00but at least it enables Mrs. Travers
46:02to purchase Mrs. Fothergill's new novel
46:04for her magazine.
46:06I don't think you're thinking of the unfortunate readers there,
46:08Jeeves. You have to take the wider view, you know.
46:10Very good, sir.
46:12If you ask me, Jeeves, art is responsible
46:14for most of the trouble in the world.
46:16It's an interesting theory, sir.
46:18Would you care to expatiate upon it?
46:20As a matter of fact, no, Jeeves.
46:22The thought just occurred to me, you know.
46:24Thoughts do.
46:26Very good, sir.
46:34Thank you.