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00:00Good night, Deanna You city of a million something or others
00:21La la la la la la la la la Something else
00:26Good afternoon, Jeeves.
00:28Good afternoon, sir.
00:30No, no, no, no, that's the song, Jeeves.
00:32And a dash wrong song it is, too.
00:34I don't know how they think them up, Jeeves.
00:36No, sir, it is one of the great mysteries.
00:38I mean, fancy writing a song about saying goodnight to a whole city.
00:41I mean, maybe we'll say, um,
00:43good afternoon, Manchester, or fancy bumming into you, Basingstoke.
00:46Yes, sir.
00:48Or I didn't see you at the club last night, Cleethorpes.
00:50I take your point, sir.
00:52Perhaps if you were to sing the rest of the lyric,
00:54it would throw some light on the matter.
00:56Ah, well, there's the rub, Jeeves. I don't know the rest of the lyric.
00:58I heard it at the cinema last night, and that's all I can remember.
01:00It goes, um,
01:02goodnight, Vienna,
01:04you city of a million...
01:07Or maybe a thousand.
01:09Some fairly substantial number, anyway.
01:11You know, Jeeves, I wonder if old Uncle George
01:13isn't thinking of going off to foreign parts.
01:15Sir?
01:17Well, it's just that he's asked me to ankle round to his clubs
01:19to discuss some urgent matter or other.
01:25Morning.
01:27Good morning, sir.
01:29Ah, Lord Yaxley.
01:31Young Lord Yaxley in the dining room, sir.
01:33Right.
01:35But he won't want to be disturbed at his luncheon, sir.
01:37Ah, well, he did say it was quite urgent.
01:39Oh, well, off you go.
01:41Thank you.
01:47What's up, Uncle George?
01:49Ah, Bertie, sit down, sit down.
01:51Don't eat much at midday, I'm afraid.
01:53It's my stomach lining.
01:55My man in Harley Streets is very sensitive.
01:57Mm-hmm.
01:59Had your luncheon? Ah, yes, thanks, I have, yes.
02:01Good.
02:04I got a message that it was urgent.
02:06Oh, it is? Oh, yes.
02:08Yes, yes, yes.
02:12What I wanted to ask you was
02:15where did you get those ties you wear?
02:18Ties? He liked that.
02:20Ah, Blucher's in the Burlington Arcade.
02:22Good.
02:24Good.
02:26Thank you.
02:30I'm not so old.
02:32So old as what?
02:35Properly considered, I'm in my prime.
02:38Besides, what a young and inexperienced girl needs
02:42is a man of weights and years to lean on.
02:48Great Scott, Uncle George.
02:50You're thinking of getting married?
02:52Yes, Scrooge, I am thinking of getting married.
02:54If your Aunt Agatha comes sticking her oar in, I'll...
02:57Well, I'll know what to do about it.
03:00A man's as young as he feels.
03:08No, no, no, please.
03:14Do you know what my Uncle George is thinking of doing, please?
03:17Contracting a matrimonial alliance, sir.
03:19Good Lord, how did you know that?
03:21Oddly enough, sir, I happen to be acquainted with the other party in the matter.
03:25The girl?
03:26Yes, sir, but it was from her aunt, a Mrs Wilberforce,
03:29who resides with her, that I received the information.
03:31Who is she, this other person?
03:33A Miss Rhoda Platt, sir,
03:35of Wisteria Lodge, Kitchener Road, East Dulwich.
03:39Young?
03:40Yes, sir.
03:41The old fathead.
03:43Yes, sir. The expression is one which I would, of course, not employ myself, sir,
03:47but I confess to thinking his lordship ill-advised.
03:50One must remember, however, that it is not unusual to find gentlemen of a certain age
03:54yielding to a sentimental urge.
03:56The phenomenon is particularly noticeable, I'm given to understand,
03:59in the United States of America,
04:01amongst the wealthier inhabitants of the city of Pittsburgh.
04:04It's notorious, I'm told, that sooner or later, unless restrained,
04:07they always endeavour to marry a chorus girl.
04:10The high turnover rate of chorus girls in the state of Pennsylvania
04:13has been a matter of comment for some time in the public prints.
04:15You finished, Jeeves?
04:17Thank you, sir. Yes.
04:19Yes, from Uncle George's manner as he referred to my Aunt Agatha's
04:22probable reception of the news,
04:24I gather that Miss Platt is not the nobless.
04:27No, sir. She is a waitress.
04:30Good Lord! Well, how is Aunt Agatha going to take to that?
04:32She's not like me, Jeeves. I'm broad-minded.
04:34If Uncle George wants to marry a waitress, let him, say I.
04:37The rank is but the penny stamp.
04:40The guinea stamp, sir.
04:41The poet Burns was writing at a time when...
04:43Never mind the poet Burns, Jeeves.
04:45No, sir.
04:47Expunge the poet Burns from your mind.
04:49I have already done so, sir.
04:51What about the Aunt Agatha? She will kick Jeeves.
04:53Very probably, sir.
04:55She is a lady of strong opinion.
04:57Yes, that'll be the curse of the Worcesters now, if I'm any judge.
05:02Aunt Agatha! How nice to see you.
05:04I wish to speak to you, Bertie.
05:06I'm greatly upset.
05:09I'm sorry to have to tell you that my brother has gone mad.
05:12Well?
05:13He called on me this morning
05:15and announced his intention of marrying some impossible girl from South Norwood.
05:20East Dulwich, Jeeves informed me.
05:22And pray, what does Jeeves know about it?
05:25He's met the girl.
05:26Has he indeed? And who is she?
05:29She's a waitress.
05:31Waitress.
05:33First a barmaid at the Criterion and now a waitress.
05:36Well, the barmaid was 30 years ago, Aunt Agatha.
05:40She must be dealt with in the same way.
05:42We shall offer her money to release your Uncle George from her thrall.
05:46Well, just as you like, of course.
05:48But whenever people do that in books, the girl gets the sympathy every time.
05:51She draws herself up and looks at them with clear, steady eyes,
05:54causing them to feel not a little cheesy.
05:56What trash you do read, Bertie.
05:59I sometimes despair of you.
06:01Well, I just think you're going to find it dashed embarrassing offering this girl money.
06:04I am not proposing to do any such thing.
06:07You will undertake the negotiations.
06:09Me?
06:10Certainly.
06:13Here is a cheque for 100 pounds.
06:16That should be ample.
06:18But the essential point is that your uncle must be released from this grim entanglement.
06:22And what if she draws herself up and looks at me with clear, steady eyes?
06:26If it's not troubling you too much, Bertie,
06:29I should be greatly obliged if you would stop dribbling.
06:33Oh, right.
06:35When you get to East Dulwich in half an hour,
06:38there is a frequent service of trains,
06:40and you will come direct to Pond Street on your return.
06:43Yes, Father.
07:06Hiya, Wilberforce.
07:08Madam.
07:10Thank you.
07:12Ah, good afternoon.
07:14Oh, here at last, are you?
07:16Eh?
07:17Do sit down.
07:18Oh, right-o.
07:19You can't see Rhody yet.
07:21She's asleep.
07:22Well, when you've got flu, you can't sleep at night sometimes, can you?
07:25Ah, Miss Platt's got the flu.
07:27Well, that's for you to say.
07:28But while you're here, I'd like you to take a look at my knee.
07:31Uh, uh, what for?
07:33Oh, you are a one.
07:35What do you think?
07:37Well, terrific.
07:39It's a sort of shooting pain, just comes and goes.
07:42And I'll tell you something funny.
07:44Oh, what's that?
07:45Lately, I've had the same sort of pain here,
07:49at the end of my spine.
07:51I wish you'd take a look.
07:53Uh, no, no, no, no.
07:54No?
07:55Uh, no.
07:56Um, knees, yes, spines, no.
07:58You're a funny sort of doctor.
08:00Doctor?
08:02Doctor?
08:03Aren't you the doctor?
08:04No.
08:05Oh, you'll be the death of me.
08:08And me showing you all I've got to.
08:10Yes, yes.
08:11No, I've, uh, I've actually come here to see Miss Platt.
08:14What about?
08:15Oh, nothing really.
08:16Um, my uncle heard she was seedy.
08:18Your uncle?
08:19Yes, Lord Yaxley.
08:20Oh, you're his nephew.
08:23That's right, yes.
08:24I expect he's always popping in and out of here, is he?
08:26No, I've never set eyes on him.
08:27Rhody talks about him a lot,
08:29but she's never so much as asked him to look in for a cup of tea.
08:32But, uh, there's no doing anything with girls these days, is there?
08:37Uh, no, no, no, no, not much, no.
08:40Well, um, I'd better be tooling off then.
08:43Oh, well, I'll show you to the door.
08:45Oh, right.
08:50I have never heard anything so spineless in all my life.
08:53Well, I'm sorry.
08:55Can I try and say more?
08:56You know, I lost my nerve.
08:57Could have happened to anyone.
08:58Not to anyone with a spine.
09:01You will go and see the girl again tomorrow, Bertie,
09:04and this time you will do as I told you.
09:06But dash it, old Agatha.
09:08And kindly do not use that sort of language in my presence.
09:12You may go now.
09:13Oh!
09:25Ah, um, Jeeves!
09:27No, no, don't get up.
09:29Now, look, Jeeves, I know this is your night off and all that,
09:33and normally, of course, I wouldn't intrude.
09:35Is Mrs Gregson in good spirits, sir?
09:37No, Jeeves, she is not.
09:39She wants me to go down to East Dulwich again tomorrow.
09:41Frankly, I just wish somebody could come up with a better idea
09:44for getting rid of Uncle George's folly.
09:46Ah.
09:48Have you come up with one of your corkers, Jeeves?
09:50Modesty forbids, sir, but it did occur to me to wonder
09:54whether in your expedition to East Dulwich
09:56you encountered the young person's aunt, Mrs Wilberforce.
10:00Jeeves, I encountered nothing but Mrs Wilberforce.
10:03It is Mrs Wilberforce's intention to continue residing with her niece
10:07after the latter's marriage, sir.
10:09Mm-hm.
10:10She's a kind-hearted woman, but definitely of the people.
10:14Should he meet her, this might give his lordship pause.
10:18You mean if I were to invite Uncle George and Mrs Wilberforce to lunch tomorrow?
10:23Precisely, sir.
10:25Jeeves, you've done it again.
10:27Thank you, sir.
10:41Good afternoon, kitchen.
10:47So, Jeeves, how did you come to meet this Mrs Wilberforce and Miss Platt?
10:51Through a young fellow of my acquaintance, sir.
10:54What young fellow of your acquaintance?
10:56Colonel Manoring-Smith's personal gentlemen's gentlemen, sir.
10:59He and Miss Platt at one time had an understanding,
11:01and I accompanied him to Wisteria Lodge to meet her.
11:04Ah! They broke it off and Uncle George got her on the rebound.
11:07So what did they quarrel about?
11:09They did not quarrel, sir.
11:11But when his lordship, your uncle, began to pay his addresses,
11:14she was naturally flattered and began to waver between love and ambition.
11:18Ah! So, if your scheme works and Uncle George edges out,
11:22it'll do your pal a bit of good.
11:25Precisely, sir.
11:28My friend Smethurst would regard it as a consummation devoutly to be wished.
11:33That's rather well put, Jeeves. Is that your own?
11:36No, sir. The swan of Avon, sir.
11:48Hello.
11:49Mrs Wilberforce, sir.
11:51Mrs Wilberforce? Oh, I'm going to keep a straight face.
11:55With you standing behind me saying,
11:57Can I tempt madam with a potato?
11:59I shall never know.
12:02I know him, you know.
12:04He's been to tea round at our house.
12:07Yes, so he told me.
12:08See you later.
12:09Bye.
12:10Oh, nice place you've got here.
12:13Though I like more pink about meself. It's cheerful.
12:17What's that you've got there? Cocktails?
12:19Martini with a spot of absinthe.
12:20Oh, God! Don't you try and make me drink that stuff.
12:24What that does to the lining of your stomach.
12:26Oh, I don't know.
12:27Well, I do, dear.
12:28And if you'd been a barmaid as long as I was, you'd know too.
12:32Oh, you were a barmaid.
12:34Was I? For years I was.
12:36When I was younger, at the Criterion.
12:40There you are, you see.
12:42It's that stuff. Makes your hands wobble.
12:44Give me a drop of port any old time.
12:51When you were at the Criterion,
12:53did you ever run into anyone with my name?
12:56Foster? No, dear, not that I know of.
12:58No, no, Worcester. He's Lord Yaxley now.
13:01Worcester?
13:02Lord Yaxley.
13:03Oh, Bertie, this is a bit...
13:12Morty!
13:13Petey!
13:15Oh!
13:16Well, I am death!
13:18Oh!
13:19Oh!
13:23Oh!
13:25Oh!
13:32Oh!
13:42Oh!
13:43That's his cue.
13:45I'm going to speak to the steward about this.
13:47Come off it, Offee. You're just a rotten player.
13:49No, that was a perfect shot. Bridge steady, smoothly back.
13:52Oh, no!
13:55Mr. Worcester, sir.
13:56Oh, dash it, Rogers!
13:59I'm so sorry, sir, but there's a lady asking for you.
14:02Mrs. Gregson.
14:03Ah, I spy art.
14:05Yes, well, I haven't even had lunch yet.
14:06Could you tell her I'm not here?
14:08Well, I've already told her that, sir. She's most insistent.
14:10Very well.
14:12Let me try Bertie's cue.
14:15Ah, yes, that's better.
14:25Ah, Bertie.
14:27Hello, Aunt Agatha.
14:28Your uncle is not going to marry the girl, after all.
14:30Not?
14:31Apparently, he's been thinking it over and now sees the wisdom of what I told him.
14:35The surprising thing is that he is going to marry somebody else.
14:38He is?
14:39An old friend of his, a Mrs. Wilberforce, a widow of sensible age.
14:43He gives me to understand.
14:45I wonder which of the Wilberforces that would be.
14:47There are two main branches to the family,
14:49the Essex Wilberforces and the Cumberland Wilberforces.
14:53And the East Dulwich Wilberforces.
14:55What did you say, Bertie?
14:57Nothing, Aunt Agatha, really nothing.
14:59I do wish you would speak more clearly, Bertie.
15:01I've had to tell you about it before.
15:17Ah, Cheeves.
15:18I don't know if you're aware of it, but this binge has depreciated your stock considerably.
15:22I'm sorry to hear that, sir.
15:24You might at least have ascertained that she was Uncle George's barmaid.
15:27I did, sir.
15:29What?
15:31The young man smethers to deproach me
15:33in the hope that I might be able to do something to further his cause with Miss Platt, sir.
15:37There will now be no obstacle to their union.
15:40Well, that's all fine and large, Cheeves, but what about Uncle George?
15:43You've landed him nicely in the cart.
15:46No, sir, if I might take the liberty of opposing your view.
15:49I fancy Mrs. Wilberforce will make an admirable mate for his lordship.
15:53Oh, no, no, no, Cheeves, think.
15:55You said yourself only yesterday that Maudie Wilberforce is definitely old for people.
15:59Sturdy lower-middle-class stock, sir.
16:01A much-needed injection of fresh blood.
16:03Now, perhaps you would like to change before the journey, sir.
16:06I thought you could drive down after lunch while I take the baggage by train.
16:10What train? What journey?
16:12Why are we packing?
16:14Your uncle has taken Mrs. Wilberforce to meet Mrs. Gregson this afternoon, sir.
16:19He's taken her to meet Aunt Agatha?
16:21I think perhaps if we were to leave the metropolis for a while, it might be expedient, sir.
16:26And if you recall, Lord Wickhamsley invited us down to Twing some time ago for the village festivities.
16:31I think we ought to go before lunch, don't you, Jeeves?
16:35Just as you say, Mr. Wilberforce.
16:43Well?
16:46Well, I'm waiting.
16:50Mummy, please.
16:52I simply want an answer from your father.
16:55I bitterly regret now that I was so kind and forgiving when he lost the Rolls-Royce to Lord Ickham last year.
17:03Oh, just a run of bad luck, Drusilla. I had three kings and...
17:06Enough.
17:08As for this latest outrage...
17:10Not in front of the guests, Mummy.
17:12I am sorry if I'm embarrassing the guests.
17:16But what I have to say applies equally to them.
17:22There will be no more betting of any sort in this house.
17:29Oh, I say!
17:30No.
17:32Just a few little bets.
17:35No.
17:47I have said all I intend to say on the matter.
17:57Oh, gimbals!
18:16Betty!
18:42Betty!
18:43Bingo! What are you doing down here?
18:45In a swing hall like you!
18:46Come over here, there's something I want to show you.
18:48Right-o.
18:50Come on.
18:55Look, inside, behind the bar.
18:58Her name is Myrtle.
18:59Isn't she beautiful?
19:00She's a tender goddess, isn't she?
19:02She is, she is. You're going to see it, can't you?
19:04What happened to Daphne?
19:06Daphne?
19:07The one who came after Honoria.
19:08Passing fancy, Bertie. The folly of one's youth.
19:11It was only a week and a half ago.
19:13Myrtle was up in town to see her uncle.
19:15We met on top of a bus.
19:18She was...
19:19Hello, Steggles.
19:21Come and meet my friend, Bertie Worcester.
19:23How do you do?
19:24This is Rupert Steggles.
19:25What-o, Steggles?
19:27I'm going inside.
19:28This fresh air is getting into my lungs.
19:34He's staying at Lord Wickham's, Liz, too.
19:36Snappy dress-up.
19:37I wish I wouldn't hang around Myrtle all the time, though.
19:39She doesn't like it.
19:40I say, Bertie!
19:42Do you want to come in on a little flutter?
19:44You interest me strangely, old bird.
19:46There's one thing we Worcesters are positively dripping with.
19:49It's sporting blood.
19:50Steggles has decided to make a book on the sports of the village trade.
19:54Say!
19:55I think I can put you in the way of making a parcel on the mother's sack race.
19:58Lead on, old scout.
20:02The idea is an attractive one, sir.
20:04Unfortunately, Lady Wickhamsley has come down strongly
20:07against any form of betting at Twing.
20:10Partly, I understand, as a result of his lordship
20:13losing the East Wing in a game of shove-hapenny last week.
20:16This is bad news, Jeeves.
20:18Indeed, sir.
20:19It was only the strongest possible representations to the other party involved
20:23and the passage of a considerable sum in money that saved the old place.
20:26No, no, I meant about betting.
20:31I'm so looking forward to the fete on Monday.
20:33Me, too. I love all those races they have.
20:36My favourites are the boys' and girls' mixed animal potato race.
20:39What on earth is that?
20:40Oh, it's wonderful.
20:42You all get into couples and each couple is given an animal noise to make and a potato.
20:46And one of you stands in a fixed spot, holding the potato and making the animal noise.
20:50Mewing like a cat or barking like a dog.
20:52And the other one has a bag over his head.
20:54And has to try and find his partner.
20:57I've forgotten what the potato's for.
20:59Well, damn difficult to estimate form, anyhow.
21:02Hugo.
21:03Hugo.
21:11Right, you got the race card?
21:12Yes.
21:13The most wonderful thing.
21:14Later.
21:15Guess who I got it from?
21:16Later.
21:17Guess who I got it from?
21:18Shh.
21:26I got it from Myrtle.
21:27Yes, yes, yes.
21:31Right.
21:32You can still smell a scent on it.
21:34See?
21:35No, thank you, Bingo.
21:37Can we get on?
21:39Right.
21:41The girls' under-12 egg and spoon race.
21:44Any thoughts about that, Jeeves?
21:45Last year's winner, Sarah Mills, is the favourite, Sen.
21:48What are her chances?
21:50I haven't seen the gallops, of course.
21:52But I understand little Sarah carries a beautiful egg.
21:55She...
22:03Birdie.
22:05He's not here.
22:07Jeeves.
22:08It's Lady Cynthia, Sen.
22:11We thought you were your mother.
22:12Oh, no, she's too busy giving Daddy his evening lecture.
22:16Rupert Staggles thinks you're forming a syndicate.
22:19What rot.
22:20Can I join?
22:21Absolutely.
22:22Oh, thank you.
22:23We were just going through the card.
22:25Right.
22:26Carry on, Bingo.
22:27Mother's sack race.
22:28Ah, no.
22:29You know something about that?
22:30A gift from Mrs Penwither, the tobacconist's wife.
22:32I was in a shop yesterday buying some cigarettes
22:34and she told me that she'd won three times at fairs in Worcestershire.
22:37She only moved here a few weeks ago, so no-one knows about her yet.
22:40Risk a tenner each way, Jeeves?
22:42I think so, Sen.
22:44Father's hat trimming contest.
22:47A very speculative event, Sen.
22:49Married couples' three-legged long jump.
22:53I cannot advocate any large-scale disbursement.
22:56I cannot advocate any large-scale disbursement.
23:07Ah, Mr. Wooster.
23:09Ah, what ho, Jeeves.
23:12I hoped I might find you here, sir.
23:14Positively animated, Jeeves.
23:17I'm sorry, sir.
23:18I have information regarding the choirboy's handicap, sir.
23:22The probable winner of that event is even now under the very roof of Twing Hall.
23:26Harold, sir. The pageboy.
23:28I don't see it, Jeeves. He's practically circular.
23:31The boy is a flyer, sir.
23:32How do you know?
23:33I happened to be pursuing him this morning
23:35with a view to fetching him a clip on the side of the head.
23:38Great Scott, Jeeves. You?
23:40The lad is of an outspoken disposition, sir,
23:43and had made an opprobrious remark respecting my appearance.
23:45What did he say about your appearance?
23:47I do not recall, sir, but it was opprobrious.
23:50I attempted to correct him, but he outdistanced me by yards and made good his escape.
23:54This is sensational.
23:56We are sure, are we, Jeeves?
24:10Oi!
24:11That sounds like the off now, sir.
24:21Oh, sensational, sir.
24:24Mr. Worcester. Mr. Little. Mr. Whitting.
24:27What in God's name are you doing there?
24:30We, uh, we, uh, we...
24:34The young gentleman had expressed an interest in horticulture, my lady.
24:38I was enlightening them as to the life cycle of the earthworm.
24:41Essential grounding, I have always felt, for a proper understanding of the subject.
24:45Oh. Oh, I see.
24:48Very well, then. Do carry on.
24:51Thank you, my lady.
24:53Observe, gentlemen, the distended saddle on this specimen.
24:59Twit, what a joy.
25:01What ho, Steggles. Hello, Worcester.
25:03Morning, Myrtle. Mr. Worcester.
25:05Might I have a word?
25:08Now, then.
25:10Touching on the choirboy's hundred-yard handicap,
25:12I'd like to place a small bet on Harold Harmsworth.
25:15The fat boy.
25:17The fat boy.
25:19We're quoting, um, 18 to 1 at the moment.
25:2218 to 1. There you are.
25:25To win, antipost.
25:27Twenty pounds to win?
25:29Do you know something?
25:31Know something?
25:33No, I... No, no, no, I just, uh, just like the name.
25:37Harold. Harold Harmsworth.
25:39Got us on a re-take, didn't you think? Harold Harmsworth.
25:41Well, I think it has, anyway. Whenever I...
25:43Yes, yes, never mind.
25:45Thank you.
25:51Good shot, Bingo.
25:53Thank you, Bertie.
25:55You're looking very doleful.
25:57Myrtle went to the cinema in Markedingham
25:59with Steggles last night.
26:01Ah, yes, well, do you know what Kipling said?
26:03The F of the S is much more D than the M.
26:05Really?
26:07Well, Jeeves, what do you think?
26:09Well, if I might paraphrase the poet, sir,
26:11I think perhaps we should be valiant but not too adventurous.
26:13The poet's ball plugged into the bramble
26:15200 yards from the green and surrounded by trees.
26:17He made no mention of it, sir.
26:19Perhaps I can suggest, um,
26:21that a spade mashy or even a mashy nimblick
26:23onto the fairway would be the intelligent shot.
26:25Oh, I agree.
26:27Leaving us with a simple pitch onto the green.
26:29Yes, but we Worcesters are made of sterner stuff.
26:31Hand me my number two iron.
26:33Very good, sir.
26:35Thank you, Jeeves.
26:37Thank you, Jeeves.
26:43Very good, sir.
26:45Thank you, Jeeves.
26:47Say that again?
26:49Well, part of the secret I've found
26:51is not to close my eyes
26:53till I'm almost at the top of the backswing.
26:55Very interesting.
26:57That's what two pounds ten you owe me.
26:59I'll just get some change in the bar.
27:01Wait here for five minutes.
27:07One, two, three.
27:11One, two, three.
27:13One, two, three.
27:15One, two, three.
27:23So, where did it come down, Jeeves?
27:25I'm not altogether certain that it did, sir.
27:27What, you mean it's still in the air?
27:29Hefty hit, eh?
27:31Yes, sir.
27:33I fancy, however, that our next stroke
27:35poses some small difficulty.
27:39What a ridiculous place to leave a tree.
27:41Right.
27:45Yes, I think...
27:47I think stroke and distance, don't you, eh, Jeeves?
27:49Just shin up there and get it for me, would you?
27:55Can I say, Jeeves,
27:57isn't that Harold the page boy over there?
27:59Yes, sir.
28:01I believe he comes here caddying on his days off.
28:03The few shillings he earns
28:05by his food to supplement his diet.
28:07Well, whoever owns that club he's ruining
28:09isn't going to be too pleased.
28:11Enjoyed the game, Steggles.
28:13Me too.
28:15Hey, you!
28:17Get him!
28:25Well, I don't see that it affects us.
28:27We're on at a good price.
28:29I put us on at antipost odds for this very reason,
28:31with Harold's form becoming known.
28:33It affects us all right if he doesn't start at all.
28:35What do you mean?
28:37Jeeves said Steggles may try to nobble him before the race begins.
28:39No! Good Lord!
28:41There's all sorts of ways of nobbling, favourite.
28:43You ought to read some of those racing novels.
28:45In Pipped at the Post, Lord Jasper Malevera
28:47outs Bonnie Betty by bribing the head lad
28:49to slip a cobra into her stalls the night before the derby.
28:51Well, I can't imagine where Steggles
28:53is going to get hold of a cobra.
28:55You wouldn't like to stand guard in Harold's room, would you, Freddie?
28:57No fear.
28:59What are the chances of a cobra biting Harold, do you think?
29:01Well, from the look of Harold,
29:03it's the snake I'd be worried about.
29:05So,
29:07as we look around the valley
29:09of our lives,
29:11do we, like Ezekiel,
29:13see nothing but dry bones?
29:15Do we, like Ezekiel,
29:17doubt the Lord's
29:19capacity to animate
29:21these bones?
29:23Do we doubt the Lord's miraculous powers?
29:25Do we shake
29:27our heads when the Lord asks
29:29us, can these
29:31bones live?
29:33Ah.
29:35Do we,
29:37with the Lord's help...
29:39Ah!
29:41Do we, with the Lord's help,
29:43put breath back into these
29:45bones? It is up
29:47to us, isn't it?
29:49Ah!
29:51Ah!
29:53Ah!
29:55Ah!
29:57Ah!
29:59Ah!
30:01Ah!
30:03Ah!
30:05Ah!
30:07Ah!
30:09Someone put a beetle down my back!
30:11Nonsense! I felt it wriggling!
30:13Disgraceful behaviour of these
30:15guard boys. Very enjoyable, sir.
30:17I have warned you about this before.
30:19Jolly good, Peter. Well done.
30:21So glad. Splendid, splendid.
30:23From this moment you cease to be a member of my choir.
30:27Go!
30:29Miserable boy!
30:31I didn't want to be in your rotten choir anyway!
30:33Those bats, old boy,
30:35I'm afraid you lose your money.
30:37What do you mean? As I recall
30:39them, the race rules read, open to all
30:41those members of the choir whose voices have
30:43been broken before the second Sunday in
30:45Epiphany. Members
30:47of the choir, you notice.
30:49By all the... It's a pity you
30:51didn't opt for the starting price.
30:53I always think SP is the only
30:55safe way.
30:59Talk about the purity of the tuft.
31:01A most
31:03ingenious young gentleman, Mr Steggall.
31:05Sir? Bally Swindler, you mean?
31:07It would now seem that for this afternoon's
31:09sports we rely entirely upon Mrs Penworthy
31:11and the mother's saccharis. No, not
31:13entirely, Jeeves. Indeed, sir?
31:15Now I've entered bingo in the 80 yards dash for
31:17mature gentlemen. Mr Little, sir?
31:19I can't seem to buck him over this
31:21myrtle business and a win on the field of tournée does
31:23wonders in the way of impressing the ladies.
31:25If I may say so, sir,
31:27I think that when the organisers use
31:29the word mature, they are in fact using
31:31it as a euphemism for
31:33elderly. Quite. So he'll obviously
31:35start as favourite. Now, if we put
31:37say, 50 pounds on bingo
31:39to win, well, the syndicate
31:41can take Steggall's to the cleaners.
31:43Yes, if I may also say, sir, I think that Mr Little
31:45is bound to start such very short of
31:47old hush, Jeeves. Faintheart never
31:49won lots of money. 50 pounds
31:51on Mr Little to win. I fear,
31:53sir, that even so substantial an
31:55investment as 50 pounds will yield
31:57little more than pennies.
31:59All right, then. Make it
32:01a hundred.
32:03I still believe,
32:05sir.
32:17Hildy!
32:31Everything's under control, my dear.
32:33Not too hard with that nail.
32:35Hildy, not too hard. Everything's right here.
32:41Hildy!
32:43At last!
32:45Events is closed for all events
32:47in ten minutes.
32:49Come along, please.
32:59There's a slight rise in the ground
33:01to the right of the track, so stay in lanes one or two
33:03if you can. All the way, Mr Penworthy.
33:05What's the going like, Jeeves? Good to firm,
33:07sir. I'm afraid it'll suit Mrs Hodges.
33:09She likes to feel the ground.
33:11I'm not afraid of no Mrs Hodges.
33:13No, no, no, no, no. Of course not.
33:15Ruffish, she is.
33:17Thank you.
33:19Roll up, roll up.
33:21Three shys a penny.
33:23It's murder. Don't look.
33:25What are you telling me for, then? Oh, look at her, Bertie.
33:27You've just told me not to.
33:29She walks in beauty like the worst of Bertie.
33:31Why don't you go and speak to her?
33:33I couldn't.
33:35I will not.
33:37All couples from the three-legged race
33:39report to the starters' table now.
33:41Cynthia, starters' orders.
33:43Take over, Mavis. Right-o, Cynthia.
33:45We've whacked a winner on this one.
33:47What's more, Mr and Mrs Puckeridge
33:49are completely incorruptible.
34:01On your marks.
34:05Get set.
34:07Go!
34:11Go!
34:33Bustro, chap. Could I crave a boon?
34:35Anything's up.
34:37I hear young Stettles is making a book on sports.
34:39That's always a bet for me.
34:41What are you doing without the money?
34:43I was just asking young Monsieur
34:45to buy me a slice of Eccles cake, madame.
34:47Any Eccles cake would you require, Hugo?
34:49I will get it.
34:51Come.
35:09Here, I'll show you.
35:31Vicar!
35:33Thank you, my dear.
35:35Thank you so much, Vicar.
35:37Good luck.
35:39Ah, Worcester, my dear fellow.
35:41I must say I'm delighted at the way
35:43you young chaps are throwing yourself
35:45into the spirit of our little festivity.
35:47Oh, nothing I like better, Vicar.
35:49Even Rupert Stettles.
35:51Between ourselves, I have never thought
35:53of Rupert Stettles as the sort of chap
35:55who would put himself out to further
35:57the enjoyment of others.
35:59And yet, twice in the last half hour,
36:01I have seen him escort Mrs Penworthy
36:03to the refreshment tent.
36:05Mr Worcester, I...
36:13Excuse me.
36:15Sorry, sorry.
36:17Excuse me.
36:19Um...
36:21Excuse me, this hat...
36:23Oh, Mrs Penworthy's.
36:25Mrs Penworthy's, that hat, isn't it?
36:27Mrs Penworthy's, yes. She was here
36:29with that Mr Steggles.
36:31Did you serve her any drink?
36:33No, Daisy.
36:35Oh, I thought it must be for a party.
36:37Four of them pork pies he bought her.
36:39And three pieces of fruitcake.
36:41And then she had two servings of the trifle
36:43after the ice cream.
36:45On your mark,
36:47get set, go!
36:49Go, go, go!
36:51Go, go, go!
36:53Go, go, go!
36:55Go, go, go!
36:57Go, go, go!
36:59Go, go, go!
37:01Go, go, go!
37:03Go, go, go!
37:05Go, go, go!
37:07Go, go, go!
37:09You seem very interested
37:11in the mother's sacre, Mr Worcester.
37:13What? Uh, no.
37:15Oh, well, I should say yes.
37:17Um, development of the thoroughbred, you know.
37:23Thoroughbred?
37:27Right, Jeeves, the hour approaches.
37:29A hundred pounds, Mr Little, on the nose.
37:31A hundred pounds.
37:33A hundred pounds, Bertie?
37:35Bingo. I want to show you another excerpt.
37:41Well done, Mr Duncan.
37:43And now, Miss Watson.
37:45Thank you, Victor.
37:47Only four competitors
37:49have hit the barrel so far.
37:51We've all took plenty.
37:53Take your coconuts home.
37:55Win a prize.
37:57Oh, sorry.
37:59Oh, dear.
38:01I don't know what to...
38:03I think we should have to cancel the event.
38:11This is rapidly turning into a rout.
38:13You're our last chance, Bingo.
38:15Suppose I lose, though?
38:17You can't possibly lose.
38:19Your youngest competitor is 65,
38:21and his bunions were playing him up this morning.
38:23You can get a bet on for me, Cynthia, can't you?
38:25All right, Daddy, but for goodness sake,
38:27don't tell Mummy.
38:29Don't tell Mummy what?
38:31Three shyes, darling, thank you.
38:33Thank you.
38:35Here you are, Hugh. Have a good day.
38:53Psst!
38:55Your Aunt Agatha's
38:57not down here, is she?
38:59Good Lord, no.
39:01It's all right, Morty.
39:03We went to see her.
39:05Oh, it was awful.
39:07Well, you're quite safe down here.
39:09Tell me, Bertie,
39:11is the vicar about anywhere?
39:13Absolutely. He's over there.
39:15Why?
39:17Want to get the bands read,
39:19as a matter of fact,
39:21before she catches up with us?
39:23Come on, Piggy!
39:29I say, Chiefs, you couldn't hang on to this for me
39:31during the race, could you?
39:33It was a great pleasure, Alexander.
39:35May I introduce Beryl, sir?
39:37Beryl, this is Mr Little.
39:39I say.
39:41Mr Little is the gentleman
39:43who is going to win the 80 yards dash for us.
39:45Oh, I'm so looking forward to the race,
39:47Mr Little.
39:49Richard's the name.
39:51I know you'll win.
39:53Well.
39:55Good luck,
39:57Richard.
39:59Oh.
40:01My friends call me Bingo.
40:07Oh, sorry.
40:09Sorry.
40:11The pure gentleman's race is about to begin.
40:13Assemble at the start, gentlemen.
40:15Please.
40:17Please.
40:31I say, Chiefs,
40:33have you seen Bingo?
40:35That's Mr Little coming up to the start now, sir.
40:37Right.
40:39I shall be watching as one from the table.
40:41Very good, sir.
40:43Come on, Bingo.
40:45On your mark.
40:47Get set.
40:49Go!
40:51Come on, Bingo.
40:53Come on, Bingo.
40:55Come on, Bingo.
40:57Mr Little.
41:01Richard.
41:07Bingo.
41:13Bingo.
41:43if you'll just drink this sir. this is the end Jeeves. everything we've worked
41:48and prayed for. a hundred pounds Jeeves. the darkest hour is proverbially just
41:56before the dawn sir. I say Jeeves! have you seen Beryl? not since the race sir.
42:03I've got to find her Jeeves. what a wonderful girl. yes sir. we don't care for your
42:07jacket sir. thank you Jeeves. thank you. thank you.
42:13how could he lose Jeeves? that fellow who won Charlie Benbow was old enough to give
42:20Bingo's grandmother the glad eye.
42:26mr. Steggalls
42:29excuse me. excuse me. excuse me. vetting slips? no I... you may catch the train
42:38direct to London mr. Steggalls. your things will be sent on. as for your ill-gotten
42:43gains they will go towards the new church roof.
42:49it can all be arranged old Axley. thank you so much. goodbye Vicar.
43:01goodbye Vicar.
43:05ah Vicar. a little something for the farm.
43:09a pen.
43:12oh.
43:16well you'll very well pardon me for saying so Jeeves, but you seem to have
43:20landed us in a complete mess. all right then was it mr. Jeeves? beautifully
43:24judged Beryl. thank you. I'll see you later in the five crowns. all right bye-bye.
43:32yes sir. probably none of my business Jeeves, but may I ask you what you were
43:36thanking that young lady for? I have a confession to make sir. oh yes? I requested
43:42the girl Beryl to shout at mr. Little at the strategic moment. you did what Jeeves?
43:47I surmised that Myrtle is a large-hearted girl who would more
43:50readily sympathize with a gallant loser. for Bingo doesn't care a fig about
43:54Myrtle. you heard him. it's all Beryl now. yes I must confess that where the fair
43:59sex is concerned mr. Little is rather quicker out of the gate than even I had
44:02imagined. so you ruined the syndicate just for Bingo? not quite sir. the syndicate
44:08is well into profit I'm happy to say. profit Jeeves? every single thing we
44:13backed was either scratched, axed, nobbled or fell at the first fence. we lost a
44:17hundred pounds on Bingo alone. what do you mean? is that a of remorse Jeeves? I hope so.
44:26I'm afraid I couldn't bring myself to place the bet on mr. Little sir. what?
44:30Jeeves I distinctly told... you...
44:36you mean we didn't lose the hundred? indeed not sir. I took it into my head to put what I
44:42believe is called in racing parlance a bundle on Charlie Benbow at 15 to 1.
44:4815 to 1? Jeeves! a further safeguard of course was to collect our winnings before I
44:54informed Lady Wickhamsley of mr. Steggall's activities. Jeeves you're a wonder.
45:01thank you sir. we do our best.