Producing Parker Producing Parker S02 E001 Bully For Parker
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Une diète de bolognaise ?
00:01Nous avons besoin d'histoires avec d'émotions, d'évolution personnelle et de changement !
00:06Simon, c'est ton premier coup d'oeil en tant que producteur de séquence et je sais que tu peux faire mieux !
00:10Grrr ! Comment est-ce que je suis supposé de trouver quelque chose ?
00:14Parker, regarde, tu as quelque chose de ta vieille école.
00:17Simon, c'est mon !
00:19Simon !
00:20Donne-le-moi !
00:23Oh, regarde-le ! C'est un invité à ta réunion de 10 ans de haute école !
00:2710 ans ? Tu penses qu'il y a quelqu'un qui sera encore vivant ?
00:32Tu vas y aller ?
00:33Non, pas une chance !
00:35Oh, viens ! Tout le monde va à sa réunion de haute école, où vas-tu ?
00:38Oh, ça va !
00:42La réponse est ici !
00:44Regarde, c'était moi !
00:46Qui ?
00:47Et c'était Tyler Van Bussel !
00:51Qui est Tyler Van Bussel ?
00:53Seulement le plus cruel, le pire, le plus dégueu qui ait jamais marché face à la Terre !
00:57Qu'est-ce qu'il a fait ?
00:58Laissez-moi voir !
00:59Il m'a remplacé mon locker avec du bacon,
01:01il m'a enlevé les screws de mon siège...
01:03Oh, ça a l'air amusant !
01:05J'étais une barbelle humaine !
01:07L'équipe de football m'a utilisé quand ils voulaient vraiment faire un défi !
01:10Alors, ce n'est pas amusant ?
01:12Pas du tout ! Penser à l'école de haute école,
01:14c'est comme descendre une voie de mémoire de douleur et d'humiliation !
01:17Et c'est pour ça que je ne vais pas à ma réunion !
01:19Tu as compris ?
01:20Je ne comprends pas encore !
01:22Nobody's perfect, get off the scale !
01:25You've got the world by the tail
01:27In control, on a roll, you're a producer
01:31See, you're in charge and life's really swell
01:34Oh, no man, but hey, what the hell
01:36Life's full of stress, nevertheless, you're a producer
01:40You had to work your butt off, but you, you don't regret it
01:45Now you win, you're in there with the full screen credit
01:50Your salary's rising, and now you're congratulating
01:52So grab a latte and get to the set
01:54You've got a staff and a last laugh
01:56Keepin' it loose
01:59You're the producer
02:03Check it, pardon !
02:09Looking for something ?
02:11Just curious about your segment today !
02:14You've been so secretive about the guests !
02:16I just want to be independent, you know,
02:18prove I can do this producing thing on my own
02:20Okay !
02:21Good then !
02:24Forgot to set the laser alarm !
02:30D, Russell, we're on in less than a minute, wrap it up !
02:33Parker, you know I don't like to be rushed !
02:35Yeah, Hal told her to hurry up yesterday
02:37and she put some ground glass in his morning coffee !
02:40Oh, tell my wife I love her !
02:46You sure showed him !
02:48Russell, watch it !
02:50That almost went into my eye !
02:53And we're on in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 !
02:57Today on D !
02:59I was a teenage bully !
03:01Yeah !
03:03Can people change ?
03:05One man sure hope so !
03:07He was a typical high school bully !
03:09Practical jokes, teasing, wedgies,
03:12they were all part of his toolbox of torture !
03:15But now he claims to have changed !
03:18Please meet today's guest,
03:20author of the new confessional memoir,
03:23I will never forget you !
03:25I will never forget you !
03:28I will never forget you !
03:31Confessional memoir, I was a teenage bully,
03:34Tyler Van Bessel !
03:39Oh, my God !
03:44Welcome to the show !
03:49Tyler, your book chronicles
03:51a lot of the horrible things you did in high school.
03:54And there were a few !
03:56How did you get from horrible bully
03:58to reformed best-selling author ?
04:00Good question, D.
04:02Well, after I got kicked off
04:04the football team for rage issues,
04:06my parents sent me to a monastery to find peace.
04:09Then, when I was giving the Dalai Lama a wedgie,
04:12I reached enlightenment
04:14and suddenly realized that bullying was not cool.
04:19Tyler, that is amazing !
04:22Yes, but enlightenment wasn't enough.
04:25I realized I had to personally apologize
04:29to all the people I've hurt in the past.
04:33Oh, that's so beautiful !
04:36And one of those people happens to work for my show.
04:39She sure does.
04:41Parker Kovac, come down here
04:43and meet your high school bully !
04:50You asked for a riveting story and I'm giving you one !
04:53I'm not going down there !
04:55Parker, get down here !
04:57Sorry, Parker !
04:58Don't even think about it !
05:04This is gonna be so good !
05:10Hey, Parker. Nice to see you.
05:12You really look great.
05:14I don't want to be here.
05:16Parker, I sense anger.
05:18Yeah, I'm angry.
05:20This guy tortured me all through high school.
05:22What did he do to leave you
05:24so damaged and scarred ?
05:27For starters, he's the one who came up with the nickname
05:30Parker Kovac.
05:32Parker ?
05:35Oh, terrible.
05:38You think that's terrible ?
05:40Guess what he did to me at the high school prom ?
05:44As president of the prom committee,
05:46it's my honor to announce the prom king and queen.
05:50Oh, my God ! It's Tyler Van Bussel and Parker Kovac !
05:54What ? Me ?
05:57Oh, my God, Tyler ! This is like a dream come true !
06:00Yeah, I know.
06:10Okay, everybody ! It's pork chop time !
06:16Parker ! Parker ! Parker !
06:19Hilarious !
06:21I mean, terrible.
06:23Why would you do that to me ?
06:25I've had everything. Money, looks, friends.
06:28All I can say for myself is that
06:30I was going through a bad time.
06:32My best cousin Brandon had just moved to Beverly Hills.
06:34My Porsche was in the shop.
06:36My sideburns were uneven.
06:38And my dad was pressuring me to go to Yale
06:41and I really wanted to go to Harvard.
06:43I just didn't think about what my little prank would do to you.
06:48From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry, Parker.
06:51Look, I've even dedicated my book to you, to Parker.
06:54Sorry I called you Porker.
06:57Porker still gets me.
06:59Oh, come on ! You're not sorry.
07:01This is all about plugging your stupid book.
07:03Just admit it.
07:04No, Parker.
07:05It's taken me this long to work up the courage to apologize to you.
07:10Parker ! You can forgive Tyler, can't you ?
07:13Forgive ! Forgive ! Forgive !
07:15Look how cute and enlightened he is.
07:19What's a few pork chops between friends ?
07:23You were fat, so aren't you the one who's really at fault here ?
07:26If you don't forgive him, then I will, with my clothes off.
07:32See ? Not everyone deserves forgiveness.
07:34No matter how enlightened they claim to be
07:36or how cute they were in high school
07:38and still are.
07:42No, I don't forgive you, Tyler Van Bussel.
07:44And I never will !
07:50Well, maybe you'll forgive him
07:52at your high school reunion.
07:55Cause that's where we're going !
08:00Tomorrow on D.
08:02Good show, huh ?
08:06High school really brings me back.
08:09Russell, make me 16 again.
08:11D. We need to talk.
08:13Oh, okay, fine. 17.
08:15No D. I mean, really talk.
08:18Okay, great.
08:20Tell me about how fat Parker used to be.
08:22Not that.
08:24Then how fat Simon's getting.
08:26No. Although, yes.
08:28Anyways, the bullying show really rang some bells with me.
08:32Oh, me too.
08:34Ding dong, that Tyler is hot.
08:36No D. I read Tyler's book.
08:38I was a teenage bully
08:40and I realized that bullying plays a role in my life too.
08:43Really, Russell ?
08:45Who ? Who would do that to you ?
08:47You tell me, I'll slit their throat with a nail file.
08:49It's you, D.
08:52The hairspray, the pushing me down the stairs
08:54when I'm in your way, the name calling,
08:56the time you strangled my cat
08:58because I spilled coffee on your couch.
09:00I bought you a new kitten.
09:02Russell, if you keep talking this way,
09:04I'm going to have to fire you.
09:06There, right there, D. What you just did there.
09:08Threatening me, hurting me.
09:10That's classic bullying. I read about it in Tyler's book.
09:12Oh, I'm not threatening, Russell.
09:14You're fired !
09:16Now get the fuck out of my trailer !
09:19Roll it !
09:21Parker's High School Reunion, take one.
09:25So, Parker,
09:27how does it feel being back here
09:29at your old high school ?
09:31Bad.
09:33Not good.
09:37It feels like I'm watching a guy
09:39make spastic arm movements.
09:41Cut !
09:43Listen, Parker, do you think you could be a little bit more conversational ?
09:45I'm editing these interviews into the show, you know.
09:48I want emotions, rage,
09:50redemption, good, evil.
09:52I've created a monster.
09:54Okay, fine.
09:56It feels terrible.
09:58I keep flashing back to mean kids pointing and laughing
10:00and I feel my heart tear open
10:02and the blood spill onto the floor
10:04and still they're laughing.
10:06Perfect, that's it right there.
10:08Now one more time and we'll get it on tape.
10:10Hey, is that a tent ?
10:12Oh, no, that's my old marching band uniform.
10:14See, you can still see the barbecue stains.
10:16Let me guess, you play the tuba ?
10:18I knew it !
10:20Oh, you're laughing at me, Dee ?
10:22In that make-up ?
10:24You don't like it ? I had to fire Russell.
10:26This is the work of my new make-up artist.
10:28Who ? Beagle's the clown
10:30from the clown town show ?
10:32As a matter of fact, yes.
10:34He was the only one available on such short notice.
10:42He's fun.
10:44Parker, can you please tell Dee to hire Russell back ?
10:46Yeah, why don't I help you
10:48polish my episode of shame ?
10:50Fine, I'll just get Hal to do her make-up.
10:52My wife taught me. She likes when I do drag.
10:54Cold cream. I need cold cream.
10:56Stat !
10:58Parker, I appreciate you being such a good sport.
11:00You know, when I planned this segment,
11:02I thought you were just overreacting about some guy
11:04who was kind of mean to you in high school.
11:06But this is a real horror show.
11:08These people are seriously twisted.
11:10You're so calm and collected.
11:13It's crazy to get my revenge on them.
11:15Simon, I'm too busy to dream
11:17of some stupid revenge plan.
11:19Not my style.
11:21How's the revenge plan ?
11:23We're all set. Here's your walkie-talkie.
11:25Perfect. Now, is the de-show claw hooked up ?
11:27Ready and willing.
11:31Pork chops ?
11:37I need garlicky.
11:39Pigs ? They haven't eaten all day.
11:41Great. I've gotta go get dressed.
11:43I'll walkie-talkie you when it's time.
11:45I await your signal, chief.
11:47What is your signal again ?
11:49Pork chops. I say pork chops
11:51and you set everything into motion. Got it ?
11:53Got it.
11:55Good. It's gonna be so great
11:57seeing phony reformed Tyler live through
11:59what I lived through.
12:01I've been waiting a decade for this moment
12:03and now revenge will finally be mine.
12:05Cool laugh, Parker.
12:35Thanks. I think.
12:37It's my prom dress. I had it resized.
12:39The extra fabric went to clothes children in Africa
12:41and Asia.
12:43And cut. Make-up !
12:47Oh ! That one's really let herself go.
12:49We'll talk to her right after the break.
12:51Better go for the extreme wide angle
12:53for that one, huh, Al ?
12:55You know, Dee,
12:57making fun of people is a form of bullying.
12:59Oh, that's what Russell said.
13:01I miss him.
13:03I miss the sense of humor about ugly people.
13:09Your high school doesn't seem so bad, Parker.
13:11Oh, please.
13:13Parker !
13:15Vanessa Smitherson ?
13:19Yep. I've had three kids.
13:21For dinner.
13:23You look great.
13:25What ? You mean Sim ?
13:27Sure, that too.
13:29And so successful.
13:31A big time producer on the Dee show.
13:33My kids and I watch it all the time.
13:37So she didn't eat them ?
13:39Everybody in town is so proud to know you.
13:41That's strange,
13:43considering how everybody treated me in high school.
13:45Oh, yeah.
13:47High school ? Who even thinks about high school anymore ?
13:49Oh, yeah.
13:51Right. Not me.
13:55We've missed you.
13:57Thanks.
13:59May I have this dance ?
14:01I promise, no pork chops.
14:03Just me, a nice guy,
14:05and you, a nice girl.
14:07Listen, Parker,
14:09I've done a lot of soul-searching
14:11since we were on the Dee show yesterday and...
14:13Oh !
14:15You asked me why I bullied you.
14:17Why ?
14:19And I realized something.
14:21I'm listening.
14:23I realized that the reason I was so mean to you
14:25in high school
14:27was because I was in love with you.
14:29You were in love with me ?
14:31I just wasn't man enough to admit it.
14:33Even to myself.
14:35Really ? Wow.
14:37Where do we go from here ?
14:39How about we just keep dancing
14:41and see where the night takes us ?
14:43Ready for Operation Pork Chop Freedom ?
14:47Not now, Massimo.
14:49Mission objective has changed.
14:51Parker ?
14:53What was that ?
14:55This...
14:57This is so nice.
14:59Parker ?
15:01Hey, everybody ! I hope you're having a great time.
15:03As President of the Reunion Committee,
15:05it's my honor to announce
15:07the Reunion King and Queen...
15:09Oh, my God !
15:11It's Tyler Van Buffel and Parker Kovacs !
15:19Parker, are you okay ?
15:21Yeah ! Yeah ! I'm great !
15:23It's just, the last time I was here,
15:25these people were throwing pork chops at me.
15:27Now they seem so nice and sweet.
15:29Did someone just say pork chops ?
15:31They did.
15:33Oh, my God. Did I just say pork chops ?
15:35She said it twice. That's gotta be it, right ?
15:37That's it. She said it. Okay, here we go.
15:43What the...
15:53Help !
15:55Parker ?
15:57Help !
15:59Stop !
16:01What are you doing, Parker ?
16:07You know, it's the wrong button.
16:09Why do they make these things so hard for dogs to operate ?
16:11It's just not canine-friendly.
16:15I love pork !
16:23Oh, no ! Not the scissors !
16:27Sorry, Parker. It's pre-programmed.
16:33Nothing to see here, folks. Look away, please.
16:35Parker, I'm coming. Hold tight.
16:39Hey, honey garlic is pretty tasty.
16:41No. No, no, no.
16:43It's not tasty at all, actually.
16:45Come on !
16:47Russell would have laughed.
16:51Are you okay, Parker ?
16:53No.
16:55Who did this ?
16:57Who would do something so immature to Parker ?
16:59Oh, come on, Tyler.
17:01Don't you mean who's the comic genius who came up with this scheme ?
17:03Just take credit for it already.
17:05What are you talking about ?
17:07I didn't do anything.
17:09He's right. He didn't do anything.
17:11I did.
17:13So, let me get this straight.
17:15You wanted to humiliate me in front of the entire country ?
17:17No, no, not the entire country.
17:19There are a few affiliates in the Northwest who don't carry us.
17:21I'm sorry.
17:23This whole thing got planned out before I realized that you loved me.
17:25I was just doing what you did to me.
17:27I was 17.
17:29Well, sure, I may have looked like I was in my 20s,
17:31but I was just a kid.
17:33Tyler, don't be mad. We can make it work.
17:35We'll get married on a cliffside in a week,
17:37and we'll have a family of our own.
17:39We'll have a family of our own.
17:41We'll have a family of our own.
17:43We'll have a family of our own.
17:45We'll have a family of our own.
17:47We'll have a family of our own.
17:49We'll have a family of our own.
17:51We'll have a family of our own.
17:53We'll have a family of our own.
17:55We'll have a family of our own.
17:57We'll have a family of our own.
17:59We'll have a family of our own.
18:01We'll have a family of our own.
18:03We'll have a family of our own.
18:05We'll have a family of our own.
18:07We'll have a family of our own.
18:09We'll have a family of our own.
18:11We'll have a family of our own.
18:13We'll have a family of our own.
18:15We'll have a family of our own.
18:17We'll have a family of our own.
18:19We'll have a family of our own.
18:21We'll have a family of our own.
18:23We'll have a family of our own.
18:25We'll have a family of our own.
18:27We'll have a family of our own.
18:29We'll have a family of our own.
18:31We'll have a family of our own.
18:33We'll have a family of our own.
18:35We'll have a family of our own.
18:37Oh, Russell.
18:39Do I have to strangle this cat too?
18:41Oh, you!
18:43Come here! Squeeze the barber!
18:45Guess I don't need this anymore.
18:47Yeah, now you have new memories
18:49of pain and humiliation.
18:51Parker, are you sure you're okay?
18:53I'm fine.
18:55Who cares if the man of my dreams
18:57thinks I'm a raging lunatic
18:59and will never forgive me?
19:01I've got leftover pork chops.
19:03Tyler! Oh, thank God!
19:05Does this mean you forgive me?
19:07No, Parker.
19:09He's taking me out to lunch.
19:15You want to hang out and eat some pork chops?
19:17Would if I could, Park,
19:19but Blake is taking me out to lunch
19:21to celebrate the success of the reunion show.
19:23Watch your step, sir.
19:25He was really impressed with my producing skills.
19:27Alone, eating lunch.
19:29Just the two of us.
19:31Alone, eating lunch.
19:33Just like high school.