Say hello to the internet's big sis Tefi, who joins Cosmo to keep the good vibes going as she talks casual dating, green flags, and spooning. As a social media guru herself, Tefi knows a thing or two about a social deep dive, so her dating profile dissections are profound as she swipes right... and left.
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PeopleTranscript
00:00 I've had two boyfriends, so I think I know what I'm doing.
00:02 Hi, my name's Tefi, and today I'm gonna be roasting
00:04 your dating profiles for Cosmo.
00:07 I think I'm qualified to give advice on dating
00:09 because I've done everything you shouldn't do,
00:11 and I know how bad that feels.
00:13 Do as I say, not as I do.
00:16 That's a, I made that up right now.
00:17 All right, let's take a look at your profiles.
00:19 First up, we have Parker, age 28, horoscope Taurus.
00:24 Okay, he's seeking women,
00:26 and he's looking for a long-term relationship.
00:28 We love that.
00:30 Oh my God.
00:31 Parker, you're a golden retriever of a man,
00:33 and I love that.
00:35 He gives off wholesome energy.
00:38 He's giving like Equinox membership,
00:42 takes care of his teeth, loves his mom, Sunday football.
00:46 He's giving like Midwestern dude,
00:48 and Chicago is in the Midwest, right?
00:49 Yeah, so that tracks.
00:52 Oh, you're, see, okay, so next photo,
00:54 you're running a marathon in a Hawaiian tank top.
00:57 Hey, he's a goofy man.
00:59 Oh, this is a dress-up one.
01:01 Unless the lady behind you really loves,
01:03 oh, it's a dude.
01:04 He loves Minnie Mouse.
01:06 He's funny.
01:07 The next photo, group photo.
01:09 Oh, you have been to many weddings.
01:12 These are all your boys.
01:14 They probably all have nicknames.
01:16 It's all their last names,
01:17 'cause Midwestern boys love to call each other
01:19 by their last names.
01:21 You're the only one not dressed in black.
01:23 You're the only one with different shoes on,
01:25 so you're quirky and you know what you like,
01:28 and I hope you have a great time at the barbershop,
01:29 singing in that quartet.
01:31 Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
01:33 Okay, so let's take a gander at Parker's prompts.
01:37 Which event should we time travel to?
01:40 One, the Cubs' 2016 World Series.
01:45 The start of summer.
01:47 Oh, you love an IPA, don't you, Parker?
01:49 And three, 2018 Australian Open finals.
01:54 For what, to be in the crowd?
01:56 Okay, you wouldn't wanna meet your grandfather?
02:00 The start of summer is so vague.
02:05 Do you love to go on a boat and maybe go tubing?
02:08 I think so.
02:10 My most irrational fear,
02:12 you liking my two dogs more than me.
02:15 Oh, you're really trying to drive this wholesome thing home.
02:18 You know?
02:19 That's your most irrational fear,
02:21 not like grizzly bears or being murdered.
02:25 Dating me is like exploring new restaurants,
02:29 spots with friends.
02:31 Do you love a brunch?
02:32 I feel like you do.
02:33 Followed by morning workouts to keep things exciting.
02:36 Morning workouts keep things exciting?
02:38 I think you really, really wanna be liked and appreciated.
02:43 You've probably done a lot of work on yourself, I can tell.
02:46 I would swipe right tentatively,
02:49 'cause I'd have to know if you're tall.
02:51 I have no idea.
02:52 Next profile is Karina, age 27,
02:57 sexual orientation, straight.
02:59 I know what happens to the best of us.
03:01 Occupation, she's a producer.
03:02 Dating intentions, long-term relationship.
03:05 So she's also looking for a big spoon.
03:07 Okay, it's giving me Beyonce, you know what I mean?
03:11 It's giving glamor.
03:13 I think she's trying to come across as call me,
03:16 beat me if you wanna reach me.
03:18 I see the birthday girl crown.
03:19 She doesn't mess around with her birthday.
03:22 The next one is giving me Wednesday Addams.
03:25 It's giving me Paramore.
03:27 I'm more than meets the eye.
03:30 Interesting, maybe she loves poetry.
03:32 She's like an alt girl.
03:33 She's like, "Wah, ah, ah," and I love that.
03:36 Next photo.
03:37 Oh, okay, she's giving me also a Doja Cat vibe.
03:40 When she wakes up, she's like, "I'm not dressing for you.
03:43 "I'm dressing for me."
03:45 I love the newsboy cap.
03:47 Extra, extra, Karina single, you know what I mean?
03:49 Oh, okay, she said, "Screw fossil fuels.
03:54 "I take the train."
03:56 Climate conservative, we love that.
03:58 Okay, let's look at Karina's prompts.
04:01 You should not go out with me
04:02 if you think chivalry is dead.
04:04 She said standards.
04:05 I do agree with that.
04:06 I think she should list chivalrous things, though.
04:10 Like, you should not go out with me
04:12 if you wouldn't open the car door for me,
04:14 if you wouldn't wait for me to get in the house
04:16 before you drive off.
04:17 You know, like, you, I don't know,
04:19 stand up when my mom comes in the room.
04:21 Like, I don't know.
04:22 Is that from like the 1930s?
04:23 Is that like very like,
04:25 you should curtsy when meeting the king?
04:27 My simple pleasures, barada.
04:31 My entire dating profile is also barada related,
04:34 mainly because I'm too shy to talk about myself.
04:36 Barada, prosecco, and cuddles.
04:39 From one little spoon to another,
04:40 I see you, girl, I hear ya.
04:42 But barada, prosecco, and cuddles sounds like friends.
04:46 Well, I don't know if I've ever let my friend cuddle me.
04:48 The green flags I look for are men
04:51 who are not afraid of being vulnerable,
04:53 real, kind, and good conversationalists.
04:56 Just say you want a man who's in therapy.
04:58 They won't use it against you.
05:00 I think Karina is one of the coolest girls I've ever seen.
05:03 Karina's profile is intimidating in the best way.
05:07 It's a swipe right, but you gotta know
05:09 that you're dealing with an HBIC.
05:10 You feel me?
05:11 You know, she's not for the fainthearted.
05:13 Next profile is Alan.
05:16 Okay, age 26, he's a Scorpio.
05:19 He's seeking women, dating intentions unsure.
05:24 No, you know.
05:25 I think he's scared to say that he only wants hookups
05:28 because he wants to be taken seriously at the same time.
05:31 Some men don't want relationships,
05:33 they wanna be admired, and I get that, kind of.
05:36 We have a group photo first.
05:39 I don't understand, I don't know which one you are.
05:42 Everyone here looks really happy.
05:44 There's a girl in between you guys,
05:46 and I don't know if you're using her to look tall.
05:49 You only have yourself to blame if I say,
05:51 "Hey, I actually think your friend is cuter."
05:54 Why set yourself up?
05:55 Next photo.
05:56 Another group photo.
05:58 That's crazy to me.
06:01 I'm guessing you're the guy in the cap.
06:03 Are you gonna be the kind of guy
06:04 that ditches our date night
06:06 because you wanna hang out with your boys?
06:08 All right, next photo.
06:09 Oh my God.
06:10 I just wanna make sure you're drinking water
06:12 and having some milk thistle for the liver.
06:15 Looks like you drink a lot.
06:16 Looks like you party a lot.
06:18 That's okay.
06:19 Are you okay?
06:20 (laughs)
06:21 Listen, you're single.
06:22 Who am I to tell you what to do?
06:23 But I don't think it's giving off unsure vibes.
06:26 I think you definitely want bar kissing, and that's okay.
06:30 Next photo.
06:32 Oh my God, dude, you love a cocktail.
06:37 And you love the Yankees.
06:38 Seems like maybe you depend too much
06:41 on your homeboys as an identity.
06:43 And hey, listen, we do the same things.
06:46 You don't know if you like these people,
06:47 and you don't know who you are.
06:48 It's called being 26.
06:50 Wait for 27.
06:51 Doozy of a year.
06:53 Maybe his prompts are better.
06:55 Okay.
06:55 Top five bread power rankings.
06:58 Oh, Alan, don't get so vulnerable.
07:00 (laughs)
07:03 One, brioche.
07:04 Two, sourdough.
07:05 Three, ciabatta.
07:06 Four, challah.
07:08 And five, potato.
07:09 This is a conversation starter.
07:11 I like that.
07:12 You don't want in-depth conversation.
07:14 You don't want to tell us if your dad hugged you or not.
07:16 I get that.
07:17 You want to talk about bread?
07:18 That's okay.
07:19 A shower thought I recently had.
07:21 Hey, you shower.
07:22 We love it.
07:23 What did we do to deserve Frank Ocean's blonde?
07:26 Oh, you're a (beep) boy.
07:29 Damn.
07:31 This year, I really want to write a book.
07:34 About what, Alan?
07:36 We know nothing about you.
07:38 But this is a great conversation starter as well.
07:40 'Cause knowing that you like Frank Ocean
07:42 and knowing that you want to write a book
07:45 means that you have a lot to say.
07:47 But maybe you're the kind of guy that's like,
07:49 I just don't open up to everybody like this.
07:52 And that's a good hookup tactic.
07:54 So we finished his profile.
07:56 I would take down your profile.
07:58 (laughs)
08:00 I would swipe left.
08:01 I'd swipe left for the both of us.
08:04 I think you're looking for friends
08:05 even though you have plenty.
08:07 I think you get lonely.
08:08 I think maybe you have one or two friends
08:10 that have a serious girlfriend
08:11 and you think that looks cool.
08:13 I think you gotta sit down and maybe look in the mirror.
08:16 Now I have to build my own dating profile.
08:18 Name, Estefania Oregas Pessoa.
08:20 (laughs)
08:23 Age, 33.
08:24 Location, Brooklyn.
08:26 Occupation, professionally myself.
08:28 I'm a content creator.
08:29 Looking for a big spoon.
08:32 The first picture would probably be a selfie I really like.
08:36 Usually I did the duck face.
08:38 I'm a millennial, what do you want from me?
08:40 Second photo I'd use probably picture me and my mom,
08:44 me and my cat.
08:45 I wanna be approachable and cute.
08:47 Third photo, maybe me at work.
08:50 Like maybe me interviewing someone.
08:52 My last photo would be a picture of me and my friends
08:54 to show that I am capable of forming
08:58 long-term relationships and I'm normal.
09:00 Now I'll answer some of my prompts.
09:03 Let's do this.
09:03 My most irrational fear,
09:08 mine is sharks will get along if my friends like you.
09:13 What did Spice Girls say?
09:14 Hello.
09:15 If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.
09:18 And I think the Spice Girls meant energetically.
09:20 You know, I don't wanna go through that again.
09:22 (laughs)
09:23 Typical Sunday is catching up on my shows
09:27 and ordering food.
09:29 I can't cook, so that's like also a typical Wednesday.
09:32 (laughs)
09:33 The key to my heart is probably humor.
09:36 Love a good bully on a man.
09:38 You can keep that six pack, you know?
09:39 I need a real snorlax of a man.
09:41 (laughs)
09:43 And that's my dating profile.
09:44 Obviously a 10 out of 10.
09:46 Can't wait to meet you.
09:49 (laughs)
09:50 Thanks for watching Cosmo.
09:51 My name's Estefania Vargas Pessoa,
09:54 but Teffy to friends and hello Teffy to best friends.
09:57 (upbeat music)
09:59 (sad violin music)
10:02 (upbeat music)
10:05 [MUSIC PLAYING]