Actress, writer, and comedian Lilly Singh is a woman of many talents - so we can assume her dating profile is ELITE. Before she creates her own dating profile - she is rating yours. Watch along as she hilariously rates viewers' dating profiles while giving them some much-needed edits. Catch her new animated series “The Mindful Adventures of Unicorn Island” on YouTube now!
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00:00 Hey, I'm Lilly Singh, and today I'm gonna be roasting
00:02 your dating profiles with Cosmo.
00:05 I'm gonna be honest with you, I tried dating apps
00:07 the first time after I came out at the tender age of 30,
00:10 and I think the first message I sent a woman was,
00:12 "Sup, sis," and I learned, "That's wrong.
00:15 "That's wrong and you shouldn't do that."
00:17 And then I deleted said dating app.
00:20 There was one instance where I was like,
00:22 "Hey, my name is Lilly," and they're like,
00:24 "Like the Lilly Singh from YouTube,"
00:25 and I was like, "No."
00:27 People didn't catfish me.
00:28 I was just so scared revealing my information.
00:31 I'm just so, I'm like, "There has to be a way
00:32 "that they can track my coordinates and get in my house."
00:35 Like, I'm so paranoid.
00:36 So it was really a scary experience for me.
00:38 I think I've been on three dating app dates,
00:41 and I was terrified of all of them,
00:43 of every single one of them.
00:44 All right, let's dive in.
00:46 I wanna let you know that I, first of all,
00:47 I'm cheering you all on.
00:49 I want you to win.
00:50 Okay, let's read the stats here.
00:52 Joshua, age 26, 6'1", okay, hello.
00:55 We're off to a great start.
00:57 I can only imagine Joshua as being a hot person.
00:59 I don't think I've ever met a Joshua that wasn't hot,
01:00 so this is a great start.
01:01 All right, let's start with his photos.
01:03 He has five here, which I think is a good number.
01:05 Not too much, not too little.
01:06 Just the right amount of vein.
01:07 All right, first picture.
01:09 I'm gonna make a guess that Joshua is the dude.
01:12 He's very handsome, symmetrical face.
01:14 Next picture, we got the same thing.
01:16 Another picture with a woman.
01:18 What are you trying to say
01:19 to people swiping through your profile?
01:20 They're like, "You're an option?"
01:22 To me, this is giving you're an option
01:24 because I have so many women in my life.
01:26 Also, wait, I just realized,
01:28 are you giving the finger, Joshua, in this picture?
01:31 Are you giving the finger?
01:32 That's not the kind of effing we want.
01:34 You know what I'm saying?
01:35 For me, this is gonna be, also, do I know you?
01:38 I feel like I know Joshua.
01:40 Next picture.
01:41 Okay, this is what we're talking about, Joshua.
01:42 This is what we're talking about.
01:44 Nice backdrop with the sky.
01:46 Shows you like nature.
01:47 He's a man of nature, possibly on a hike.
01:50 What I am noticing is the immaculate grooming on the face,
01:54 which for me is very attractive,
01:55 and so I'm gonna say that this should be your first picture.
01:57 So far, my favorite.
01:58 Next picture.
02:00 Joshua, you're with yet another woman.
02:02 So I feel like if I saw this, I would feel intimidated.
02:05 I wouldn't know where I would stand.
02:07 I wouldn't know what your intentions are here.
02:08 And again, the woman is very cute.
02:10 Your one consistent thing
02:11 is you're always with another woman,
02:12 unless Joshua's trying to get a boyfriend!
02:15 (bell dings)
02:17 Okay, okay, it all makes sense.
02:19 It all makes sense.
02:21 If Joshua's trying to get a boyfriend,
02:22 this is the perfect profile.
02:23 I would assume that this is like,
02:25 look at him.
02:26 He's vulnerable, he's got girlfriends.
02:29 You know, okay, okay, okay!
02:30 All right, now let's look at his prompts.
02:32 This prompt says, "The first time I knew I was gay
02:35 "was Michael, my wife and kids, Uncle Jesse Full House."
02:39 Uncle Jesse had me thinking I was just into guys,
02:41 so this is like a very relatable thing.
02:42 Uncle Jesse's very hot.
02:43 "Unusual skills, exceptional whistler."
02:46 Same!
02:48 I could be friends with Joshua.
02:49 In fact, when I went to the one camp
02:51 I was allowed to go to growing up, immigrant parents,
02:54 I got an award for best whistler.
02:56 (whistling)
02:59 So I am also just as nerdy, and that is very cool.
03:07 I think that's dope.
03:08 "Don't hate me if I watch endless Nat Geo documentaries."
03:12 You lost me on that one.
03:13 You lost me on that one.
03:14 I will say I do enjoy like the
03:18 animal kingdom type things.
03:21 I can get with that.
03:22 This though, endless is the word,
03:25 but hey, I like that it says something about yourself,
03:27 and I think a lot of people would like this,
03:28 so who cares about me?
03:29 You're not even into me, you don't even like me.
03:30 Why do I matter?
03:31 My overall take on the profile,
03:33 if I had to rate it out of 10,
03:34 I'm gonna give Joshua a solid 8.5.
03:37 I think I have a pretty good sense of Joshua's personality,
03:40 but what I don't know is what Joshua
03:43 is looking for in a partner,
03:44 and I think that's also really important.
03:46 I think too often we focus on like what we can offer people,
03:50 which is important,
03:51 and that's an important part of the equation,
03:52 is like what people can offer us.
03:53 I though, ultimately, I think I would
03:56 swipe right on Joshua.
03:57 You seem like a sweetheart.
03:58 Wait, right is good, right?
03:59 Okay, then I, yes, I would, I would.
04:02 Everyone's laughing, like you're all professionals, right?
04:04 Next up we have Claire, age 25, from Long Island.
04:07 Currently lives in San Diego, and she has six photos.
04:10 Okay, we're starting strong here
04:12 with a bikini photo, a side profile,
04:17 but you see the thing is,
04:18 just the right angle to be like,
04:19 oh, you naturally caught me this angle.
04:21 I'm not trying to show you the booty overtly,
04:24 but like it happens to be there at this angle.
04:26 I love that, quick math.
04:27 Next one.
04:28 Aw, Claire!
04:32 This is such a pretty picture.
04:34 I love the fact that you're smiling,
04:36 'cause I feel like too often on dating apps
04:37 you see people that are just like,
04:38 oh, I'm gonna really, really try to present to you
04:41 the fact that I'm so sexy and I don't smile,
04:43 and I do that thing where my tongue
04:44 touches the roof of my mouth,
04:44 and I'm like, you know?
04:46 And I feel like this is a smile that's like so genuine.
04:48 I love there's a little bit of wind blowing,
04:50 and I love that there's water.
04:51 Again, in this picture showing me
04:52 you're like an outdoorsy person.
04:54 You're like a swimmer.
04:55 I like that, that's very cute.
04:56 This is a great picture.
04:57 Okay, Claire!
04:58 (laughs)
04:59 See, now, I love that you eased us into this,
05:02 'cause the first picture was like a little bit of booty.
05:04 Now you're like, bam!
05:05 Booty looking tight.
05:07 I'm not trying to objectify you,
05:07 but I'm just saying, well done.
05:09 Well done, you're in the gym,
05:11 showing that you're fit,
05:12 showing that you're about that life.
05:14 I'm into this.
05:14 So far, this is a very impressive profile.
05:16 Okay, we have a photo with a friend,
05:18 which I like, but now I'm thinking,
05:20 do you live on a canoe?
05:22 At this point, I'm like, there's a lot of water,
05:24 and what are you hiding here?
05:26 Like, you know what I'm saying?
05:28 I feel like we've done this,
05:29 so I feel like this picture for me,
05:31 it's cute, feels redundant.
05:33 Feels redundant to me.
05:34 Let's read some information about Claire.
05:35 Claire's prompts.
05:36 I'm hoping you also love to read,
05:38 and not just self-help books.
05:40 As someone who's written two self-help books,
05:42 I'm wondering what the beef with self-help books is.
05:45 (laughs)
05:46 Okay, I love that you love to read.
05:48 What I'm really liking is that you're letting us know
05:49 a lot of your activities.
05:50 Beaches, hiking, gym, reading.
05:52 You're like really smart and fit,
05:54 so this is like a really good combination that's happening.
05:56 I guarantee you that I can guess
05:58 what is fundamentally wrong with you based on your profile.
06:01 I don't know if this needs to go in your profile.
06:02 I feel like this is a joke you can make with me,
06:04 like, oh my gosh, I guess what's wrong with you?
06:05 Like, I could laugh at that quirk maybe,
06:07 but this feels like,
06:08 this feels like I need to go to therapy.
06:09 This feels like this would put me into therapy.
06:11 So, I'm not a, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
06:13 It's meant to be if you don't get mad
06:15 that I look up the ending of every movie
06:17 while I watch.
06:18 I'm the type, I can't fall asleep during a movie.
06:20 I hate to miss the beginning of a movie.
06:21 I hate to miss the trailer before a movie.
06:23 To know that you can't respect the art
06:27 of the journey of a movie, that hurts me.
06:30 That hurts me.
06:30 And I don't care how right your booty looks,
06:33 that hurts me, Claire.
06:34 And I would probably swipe left.
06:36 But hey, it doesn't mean there's not another person
06:38 out there that loves ruining movies
06:41 and destroying the art that is film.
06:43 I hope you find them.
06:44 Last profile, Tom, age 25.
06:46 Downtown historic district.
06:48 Wait, is Tom here?
06:49 Wait, are you Tom?
06:50 If he was in the room right now,
06:53 I would jump out a window.
06:56 You should do that to somebody one day.
06:58 That's so funny.
07:00 First photo, okay.
07:01 I do like the casualness of this.
07:03 It's like, hey, I'm on this dating app.
07:04 This is who I am.
07:06 I'm not trying to convince you otherwise.
07:07 And the waiter took this picture for me.
07:09 But I like it, it's giving friendliness.
07:12 I'm into this, I'm into this, Tom.
07:14 I like this so far.
07:15 This is an interesting choice here, Tom.
07:17 The next picture is a collage
07:19 of what appears to be all the same picture.
07:21 What I'm gathering from this
07:22 is that you possibly like photography.
07:24 I'm not sure if this is second photo material,
07:26 but I like that it's artsy.
07:27 So I'm intrigued.
07:29 I would keep going through.
07:30 Okay, so I don't even know what this picture is,
07:33 to be honest.
07:34 This could be us.
07:35 I think I'm looking at Willy Wonka and Tom wearing a,
07:40 oh, it's sugar.
07:41 It's a sugar daddy.
07:43 Oh!
07:44 Okay, it's all making sense now.
07:47 I was like, this is a backpack with a clipboard in it?
07:49 What's happening?
07:50 It was hard to tell, it was hard to make out.
07:51 But I'm looking at Willy Wonka and a sugar daddy.
07:53 And I'm learning that you have humor.
07:55 So I'm not mad at that.
07:56 Keep going.
07:57 How my friends see me.
07:58 I have notes, I do have notes.
08:03 I feel like this one could have been workshopped a little bit.
08:05 I like the picture.
08:06 I can see you're artsy again.
08:07 I can see you have a knack for photography.
08:09 But the comedy here felt a little flat to me.
08:12 That's okay.
08:13 My comedy falls flat too.
08:14 So relatable, it's all good.
08:16 What I'm gathering is that you're a fun person.
08:18 You don't take yourself too seriously.
08:20 I think you'd be so much fun to hang out with.
08:22 What I'm hoping to see in this next picture
08:23 is something that makes me go,
08:25 okay, Tom.
08:27 So this is what I'm hoping.
08:28 I'm gonna do this, and that's what I'm hoping to see here.
08:31 Give me something, Tom.
08:32 Okay, I see a cappuccino.
08:34 I'm gonna get a cappuccino and a sandwich right now.
08:36 (laughs)
08:37 I like your comedy.
08:38 I like your game, you'd be fun to talk to.
08:40 But you know what it's giving?
08:42 It's giving I'm about to be friend zoned
08:45 because I'm such a good guy,
08:47 and I'm so fun to hang out with.
08:49 That's what my instinct says, and I hate that.
08:52 I hate that my instinct says that.
08:53 Let's look at Tom's prompts.
08:54 I'm looking for more coconut La Croix.
08:57 Notice I said La Croix and not La Croix
09:00 because I don't have shoes, okay?
09:02 Take note.
09:03 But more coconut La Croix.
09:04 One thing I'd love to know about you is your favorite font.
09:09 I like that.
09:10 I really like that, that's fun.
09:12 Next prompt.
09:13 I bet you can't beat me in an iMessage game.
09:16 This would immediately make me message him
09:17 and challenge him to a game.
09:18 So this is a very smart tactic, and I really like this.
09:21 Okay, so out of all the profiles I reviewed,
09:23 I think the person I would have
09:24 the most fun hanging out with is Tom.
09:26 I would swipe right.
09:27 I'm not sure if I have the font game that Tom is expecting,
09:30 but I do feel like I wanna go on a date with someone
09:33 where I can be myself, where I can feel light,
09:36 where I don't feel stressed,
09:37 and Tom feels very warm and welcoming in that way.
09:39 Okay, now I have to build my own dating profile.
09:42 Wish me luck.
09:42 But before I do this, I wanna let you know
09:44 that when I was on Riot, I was so desperate
09:47 to feel validated, and I was like,
09:48 ooh, everyone on this app is really cool.
09:50 Some people are famous.
09:52 People are flexing, all these different things.
09:54 I did put-- (laughs)
09:56 I put a picture of myself in front of my dressing room
10:01 from Fallon when I announced my late night show.
10:03 I made that one of my pictures where I was like,
10:05 I was a guest on Fallon, date me,
10:07 and it was like me posing with the picture.
10:09 So lame, but yo, I got a date.
10:13 Okay, so my prompts.
10:14 My most irrational fear,
10:16 which is actually not irrational at all,
10:18 it is factually correct according to me
10:20 that if there's a spider in the room,
10:21 it has definitely laid eggs in every corner of the room
10:24 and I need to sell that house or set it on fire.
10:26 Those are just the facts.
10:27 Those are the facts, and you cannot convince me otherwise.
10:30 The way to win me over is to let me focus
10:33 when I'm in work mode, and then really let me be goofy
10:36 when I'm not in work mode.
10:37 I feel like I definitely cannot be with someone
10:39 that if I'm in my hustle mode is really, really needy
10:43 and needs 100 texts or 100 phone calls
10:45 or constantly popping in.
10:47 I think space is really crucial in a relationship.
10:49 I'm weirdly attracted to traumatized people.
10:54 I am attracted to people who have been
10:56 through some major heartache
10:57 because I just feel like they know what's up.
10:59 They have resilience, they have a thicker skin,
11:02 they don't crumble at the first sign of a problem.
11:05 If you tell me you go to therapy once a week
11:07 and you're like, "Ooh, my therapist is a millionaire
11:09 "because I have so many problems,"
11:10 I'm like, "Take your clothes off."
11:11 Like that for me is I need the trauma.
11:14 A typical Sunday is self-care for me.
11:16 This is the day I unwind.
11:17 I want to have a hot bath, I wanna have a scalp massage,
11:22 I wanna oil my hair, I wanna do a face mask,
11:24 I wanna be horizontal, I wanna sit outside,
11:26 I wanna cuddle my dog.
11:27 I wanna kinda unwind on that day
11:29 and just watch a bunch of movies from beginning to end
11:33 and have a great, lovely time.
11:34 (upbeat music)
11:37 And that right there is my dating profile,
11:43 which is why I am so painfully single.
11:46 Thank you so much for watching.
11:47 You can check out my new kids animated series
11:49 called The Mindful Adventures of Unicorn Island
11:51 right now for free on YouTube.
11:53 (upbeat music)
11:56 (gentle music)
11:58 (gentle music)
12:01 (gentle music)
12:03 you