Finneas is always happy to give advice, even if he claims it's not often taken. In this episode of “If It Were Me,” the multi-Grammy-winning artist and producer dives into real-life confessions submitted by Cosmo readers and shares how he would handle them. From posting his partner on social media to make them feel appreciated to suggesting sugar babies could become the new-age Robin Hood, Finneas is all about communication and setting boundaries in relationships. Plus, would he end a marriage if his partner cheated on him with a virtual woman? And just how embarrassing would that be for everyone involved?
Listen to “For Cryin’ Out Loud!”, the new album, out now: https://finneas.lnk.to/ForCryinOutLoud
#FINNEAS #ForCryinOutLoud #IfItWereMe #Cosmopolitan
Listen to “For Cryin’ Out Loud!”, the new album, out now: https://finneas.lnk.to/ForCryinOutLoud
#FINNEAS #ForCryinOutLoud #IfItWereMe #Cosmopolitan
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PeopleTranscript
00:00I saw a tweet once that said,
00:03when a boy shows you a meme,
00:04it's a sign of great respect in their culture.
00:07Hi, I'm Phineas, and this is If It Were Me.
00:12Today I'm going to go through a series of
00:14cosmo-confesses, a word that I just heard.
00:17I'm assuming they just made it up.
00:19And I'm going to tell you how I would
00:20handle these situations.
00:23I think this might be a good, helpful disclaimer
00:25for this entire video, which is that
00:27I'm happy to give advice,
00:28and it is often not taken.
00:31Okay, so this is called the fetishizer.
00:34I started seeing this guy who has been
00:36pampering me nonstop, paying for my meals,
00:38pedicures, the list goes on.
00:40He told me it's because he has this fetish
00:42of spoiling women and then watching them
00:44hook up with other guys.
00:46I know a guy like this.
00:48Do I try to make this exclusive?
00:50He's trying to, like, spoil you
00:52and let you hook up with other people,
00:54and it seems like that has been
00:56the great strategy for you to want to
00:58make it exclusive with him.
00:59You could always try to see, like,
01:00how much you can get, see how much
01:02of a fetish he really has,
01:04and how deep his pockets are.
01:05And you could start asking around
01:07the other people close to you in your life
01:09and see if they want various items,
01:11see if you can procure that for them.
01:13Sort of a romantic Robin Hood type figure.
01:16Insta Dilemma says,
01:18I'm always posting cute pictures
01:20of my boyfriend and me,
01:21but he rarely posts photos of me.
01:23He says he's a private person.
01:25Is this a huge red flag?
01:27I mean, huge red flag is a relative term, right?
01:30Sounds like to me you should express that,
01:32tell him what that means.
01:33You know, my own relationship with Instagram,
01:35I don't really like to look at my own face.
01:37I don't really want to post anything
01:39that I'm involved in unless it's funny.
01:41But I happen to know,
01:43much like this Insta Dilemma points out,
01:45that it makes Claudia, my partner,
01:47feel good when she's posted about
01:49on my Instagram,
01:50and that's enough of a reason for me.
01:52Loudmouth.
01:54My girlfriend somehow manages to sneeze
01:56like an 18-wheeler honking on the freeway,
01:58but only in public do I call her out
02:01on her roaring snout or keep her indoors
02:04and alone at all times.
02:05Threatening way to end that.
02:06Yeah, people coughing and sneezing
02:08is infuriating and a sign of weakness
02:11and makes me hate everybody
02:13whenever they cough or sneeze.
02:15So I'm with you on that,
02:16but that's a me thing.
02:17That's not a them thing.
02:18Everybody does it.
02:19I do it, but I empathize.
02:20Don't keep her indoors and alone at all times.
02:23That's super illegal.
02:25Cyber side chick.
02:27My husband just confessed to hooking up
02:29with a virtual woman on his VR headset.
02:32He claims it's harmless fun,
02:34but I don't know how to feel about it.
02:36Do I end a marriage over this or let it go?
02:38I want specificity.
02:39I want clarification.
02:41You know, what kind of a confession was this?
02:43Was he caught doing it?
02:44That must have been embarrassing
02:45for everybody involved.
02:47Did he sort of just tell you casually?
02:49Everything like this is about a conversation
02:51that you've had and a boundary.
02:52If you feel like this is a boundary
02:54that you don't want crossed,
02:55you've just got to communicate that boundary
02:57and let them respect it or disrespect it.
02:59And if he doesn't respect your boundary,
03:01then that's on him.
03:02A snaky situationship.
03:04I jumped into snake-infested waters
03:07to impress a guy who won't even call me his girlfriend
03:09and nearly broke my foot in the process.
03:11He managed to come to my rescue in the end,
03:13but I'm not sure if this is going anywhere.
03:15Do I risk ruining our situationship
03:18by having the talk?
03:19So, none of this has anything to do
03:21with this situation that you've brought up
03:23about the snakes.
03:24This is such a strange submission
03:28because you're just telling a story
03:30about jumping into waters
03:32that you claim have snakes in them
03:33and breaking your foot.
03:34And in this question, you're also saying
03:36that you're dating somebody
03:38that doesn't want to call you his girlfriend
03:39and they have nothing to do with each other at all.
03:41Two separate answers.
03:42Don't jump into waters full of snakes
03:45if you want a level of commitment
03:47that your partner's not willing to give you,
03:49then say that.
03:52And if that's a deal-breaker,
03:53that's a deal-breaker.
03:54That's fine.
03:55But again, this has nothing to do
03:56with the snake-infested waters.
03:58Mr. Comfy Clothes.
04:00My new fling's idea of dressing up
04:02is basketball shorts and hoodies,
04:04even at nice restaurants.
04:06I'm a little embarrassed when we go out together,
04:08but I really like him.
04:09Do I low-key help upgrade his wardrobe
04:11or not risk blowing it?
04:13To be honest, I don't feel super comfortable
04:15in, like, athleisure.
04:16I don't feel comfortable in shorts and hoodies.
04:18You'll never see me in a pair of shorts.
04:20But again, this is also about, like,
04:21the dynamic that you're trying to have.
04:23I'm trying to, like, present myself
04:25in a way that my girlfriend thinks is hot.
04:27That's, like, the big goal.
04:29So a little positive reinforcement.
04:31Get him some nice piece of apparel.
04:33You don't have to break the bank,
04:34but get him, like, a pair of slacks and a shirt
04:37and then compliment him.
04:38Be like, wow, you look incredible right now.
04:40Like, he'll do that again.
04:42Everyone is Pavlovian.
04:45The man with the memes.
04:47I'm seeing a new guy, and on our last date,
04:49he proceeded to walk me through every meme
04:51on his camera roll for a full hour.
04:54Is this a show-and-tell sesh?
04:56Sweet or a major ick?
04:58It's up to you.
04:59To somebody, this is annoying,
05:01and to somebody, this is sweet
05:03and a way for you guys to connect.
05:05If he's showing you stuff that's funny to him
05:07and it's not funny to you,
05:08sounds like you have different senses of humor.
05:10But if they were making you laugh,
05:12that's not an ick.
05:13You guys are connecting.
05:14I saw a tweet once that said,
05:16when a boy shows you a meme,
05:18it's a sign of great respect in their culture.
05:21Cross-country hold-up.
05:22I slid into my celebrity crush's DMs
05:25knowing I was about to move across the country
05:27and being rejected was the least of my worries.
05:29To my surprise, he said yes to a date.
05:31Do I put off the big move to go on a date with a celeb?
05:34Gleaning from this,
05:35the celeb lives where you are,
05:37not where you're moving to.
05:38No, definitely don't.
05:41Don't put off the move for the celeb.
05:43Celebs move around, man.
05:44Celebs are mobile.
05:46They get on planes and buses
05:48and he'll end up where you are,
05:50so he'll be fine.
05:52Now, it's time for what Cosmo has told me
05:54is called the quickie.
05:57Dinner or drinks for a first date?
05:58Drinks.
05:59Pack on the PDA or keep things private?
06:02I lean toward private.
06:03Ask someone out via text or on the phone?
06:05On the phone.
06:06Give up touring or give up sex?
06:08Give up sex.
06:09Good lord.
06:10Give up touring.
06:11Tell your dirtiest secret to your boss
06:13or your parents?
06:14Parents.
06:15Sleep with someone on the first date
06:17or wait six months?
06:18First date.
06:19Date someone who hates your music
06:21or is secretly obsessed with you?
06:22Hates your music.
06:23Write about your ex or forget they existed?
06:27Write about your ex.
06:29Nice.
06:31Thank you so much for watching this video.
06:33This was in an effort to promote an album
06:35that I just put out called For Crying Out Loud.
06:37If you enjoyed this, there is no guarantee
06:39you will enjoy any of the music that I just put out,
06:41but I appreciate your time.
07:07For Crying Out Loud