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00:33 Oh, another Thanksgiving with Hank Hill's famous smoked turkey.
00:39 Mmm, what can I bring this year, Hank? Straws?
00:44 Uh, well, Bill, we're, uh, and by "we" I mean me, my family, and this turkey, we're all going to Montana for Thanksgiving.
00:55 Oh.
00:56 Yeah, see, Peggy and her mom don't always get along, and now Mother Platter's starting to take it out on propane.
01:03 She says it can't get the job done when it comes to smoking turkey.
01:07 Well, I'm not going to let that go, so for Peggy's sake, I got to prove her mom wrong.
01:13 Now, uh, this doesn't leave the alley, but, uh, Peggy's parents wanted to take us to a restaurant for Thanksgiving.
01:22 [spits]
01:24 But don't worry, I convinced them to have the meal at their house, and I'm going with my standard plan.
01:30 Cowboys game, dinner at five, and serve dessert in time for home alone.
01:35 Ha ha! They broke into the wrong kid's house. Hee hee.
01:40 Hey, man, you got me thinking about it the other day on Mama Boomhauer, man.
01:43 I was thinking about flying out to Miami Beach, man, and talking about it on a blind date with some neighbors, man,
01:48 and look at my great-great-great-great-granddaughter, man, and she's 40.
01:51 So, you're leaving too. [sniffs] I hate Thanksgiving.
01:56 [music]
02:01 Let's go, Bobby. It's almost ten.
02:03 With the Dallas traffic, we won't get to the airport till noon, and that flight leaves at four, with or without us.
02:09 [sniffs]
02:11 The turkey smells good. Can I hold it on my lap to sniff for the ride?
02:16 The turkey rides up front with me, away from the rear defroster.
02:21 I just talked to your grandma, and I went out on a limb and promised moistness and smokiness.
02:26 My mother called? Oh, I wanted to tell her that I'm going to bake my brown Betty.
02:32 Yeah, uh, she said not to bother. She'll just pick up some Sara Lee.
02:37 Oh, sure, but if my brother were making brown Betty, she'd freaking lick the bowl.
02:43 What a coincidence, Hank. I have to go to the Dallas-Fort Worth airport to pick up my uncle, who's coming in for Thanksgiving.
02:52 What time's his flight?
02:53 What time's your flight?
02:55 Four o'clock.
02:56 Four o'clock?
02:57 Mm-hmm.
02:58 I can drive you to the airport.
02:59 Okay, I guess that'll save me some time. Which uncle is it?
03:04 Bill.
03:05 Huh. So, you're named after him?
03:09 I said, "Stand."
03:12 Okay, Uncle Hank, I'm all ready.
03:15 My first time seeing Daddy since Mama second-degree assaulted him with a fork.
03:20 Oh, this is so exciting.
03:23 Oh, it sure is. Now, I like to keep all our airline tickets in the travel caddy.
03:29 Luanne, if you don't mind.
03:31 Oh, Hank, could I please talk to you for a minute?
03:38 Well, Luanne does not have a ticket. You were supposed to buy tickets for the family.
03:43 That's right. I bought tickets for all three members of the Hill family.
03:47 Hank Hill, Peggy Hill, and Bobby Hill. The Hills.
03:51 What is the matter with you?
03:53 As far as Luanne knows, you love her and you consider her a part of this family.
03:58 Do not let her know that you neglected to buy her a ticket.
04:02 Well, I think she's going to find out when we leave her here.
04:06 No, sir. You will buy Luanne a ticket at the airport.
04:10 And it is not going to be easy, because the day before Thanksgiving is, in my opinion,
04:15 one of the busiest travel days of the year.
04:18 Okay, Bill, that zone's for loading and unloading only. We can take it from here.
04:34 Well, then it's off to Uncle Stu.
04:37 You said Stan.
04:40 Okay, Hank, you win. Stan it is.
04:45 Did you pack your own bags and have they been on your side at all times?
04:50 Well, I had to set them on the curb when I unloaded them from the trunk.
04:55 But they were in your side?
04:57 No, I had my back turned.
04:59 But just for a moment?
05:01 Well, I'd say it was more like a minute than a moment.
05:04 Oh, for God's sake, just say they were in your sight, Hank.
05:07 Peggy, the man is an official of the United States Airlines. I'd be committing perjury.
05:14 It's clean. So just the two bags in?
05:20 Yep. And this tank of propane.
05:23 Aw, man!
05:24 Oh, don't worry. That was in my sight the entire time.
05:29 They let that woman bring an oxygen tank on the plane?
05:33 I get to use my junior college ID.
05:41 That's me in the picture.
05:43 I got the giggles 'cause there were these four girls and they just...
05:48 Well, now we've all got the giggles.
05:53 You better sit down. Over there. Yeah.
05:56 Any seats left to Billings?
05:58 Yes, sir. That'll be $719.
06:01 What? I paid $250 for my ticket. That's the price I want.
06:06 Sir, you bought your ticket six months ago.
06:09 You are buying Miss Platter's ticket on the day of travel.
06:12 All right, listen.
06:14 Miss Platter is traveling to Montana to see her father for Thanksgiving.
06:19 She hasn't seen him in a while.
06:21 Doesn't that mean anything to your airline?
06:24 I'm going to write a personal check.
06:29 And in the memo line, I am writing "unfair."
06:33 How long are you going to be in Arizona, Mr. Redcorn?
06:41 Just for the Thanksgiving weekend.
06:43 Hey, do your people even celebrate Thanksgiving?
06:47 We did. Once.
06:51 Um, Shug, maybe I should see John Redcorn to the gate and make sure he gets off all right.
07:01 Good idea, sweetheart.
07:03 Joseph and I will go find a broken meter to park the bugabago.
07:08 Uncle Hank, a man just asked me if I wanted to join the mile-high club.
07:14 Could you get me an application?
07:17 Well, I would think they would have him on the plane, Luanne.
07:20 Hey, Hank! Look, men! It's the early birds!
07:25 Hey, Hank! Our flight save time is yours.
07:28 I saw you leave house at 10 a.m.
07:30 We leave five hours later. You're still waiting, you dumb redneck.
07:34 Yeah, okay. Happy Thanksgiving.
07:37 Oh, yeah. You, too.
07:41 Okay, Mother Platter, well, we're all set to board here,
07:44 so I hope you're ready to eat some smoked turkey with humble pie for dessert.
07:50 Uh, no, Peggy's still planning to make a brown Betty.
07:55 Yeah, yeah, I was just, uh... never mind.
08:00 Good afternoon, passengers traveling to Billings.
08:03 We regret to inform you that the bad weather has forced the delay of your flight.
08:07 What?
08:09 But my daddy's on a day pass.
08:11 Excuse me, sir. Hank Hill.
08:13 I would like to volunteer my services in any way necessary
08:17 to help get this plane off the ground, so put me to work.
08:21 Sir, crowding me will not get you out any faster.
08:24 It's sleeting out there, and the runways are like skating rinks.
08:28 Uh, oh, hi.
08:35 Uh, oh, hi.
08:37 Uh, Uncle Hank, they can't delay Thanksgiving, can they?
08:44 They just did.
08:46 No, Mother Platter, I'm not calling from the plane.
08:57 Those phones are only for emergencies.
09:00 We just have a small delay.
09:02 Hank, I want to make sure my mom has all the ingredients for my brown Betty,
09:06 which I have made every year from 1976 until I die, inclusive.
09:12 I will need margarine and not butter.
09:15 Is that Peggy?
09:16 Yeah.
09:17 Tell her we use butter in this house.
09:19 Uh, okay.
09:21 She got butter, didn't she?
09:26 [music]
09:29 You said it, Bing.
09:36 The weather outside is frightful.
09:39 If you're flying out of DFW, bad news.
09:42 All flights are delayed.
09:45 [crying]
09:47 [chatter]
09:50 They should let the man do his job.
09:54 Dad, I know you said to try, but I can't eat this.
09:59 It's salad.
10:00 Hank, the boy needs protein or he'll pass out.
10:03 Now break open that box.
10:04 Thanksgiving will go on with a one-legged turkey.
10:07 One-legged turkey?
10:09 I'm not even going to dignify that with a response,
10:12 other than shame on you.
10:15 Ugh.
10:16 Hey, Bobby.
10:17 Ooh, Connie, how'd you get that teriyaki beef ball so fast?
10:22 My dad.
10:23 [music]
10:26 Here you go, ma'am.
10:28 I'm district manager, pitching in.
10:32 Crazy day, huh?
10:34 [laughs]
10:35 Go to the front of the line.
10:36 Mr. Supanusenpone will give you some food.
10:39 Hold up, Bobby.
10:40 That ain't right.
10:41 We're not animals.
10:42 We'll wait in line like everybody else.
10:44 Hank, the ability to cut ahead in line is what separates us from the animals.
10:50 Okay, people, personal insults and criticisms directed toward me
10:53 will not get your plane out any faster.
10:56 In just a few minutes, we will begin--
10:57 You're an ass!
10:59 We will begin de-icing your plane for takeoff.
11:03 Thank you, sir.
11:04 Lieutenant, I was just in the bathroom next to the pilot.
11:07 He told me they don't have enough workers to de-ice their planes,
11:10 but TWA does, and they're honoring all tickets.
11:14 Un momento, señor.
11:15 Yo hablo español.
11:16 Yes, do you know where I can catch the TWA flight?
11:20 I think it's Gate 58.
11:25 58.
11:27 Come on, Hank, you heard the man.
11:29 We have to go to Gate 58.
11:31 Andele!
11:32 That was nothing but third-hand gossip.
11:35 You're acting like you're drunk.
11:40 Look, Bobby, chock full of chips just opened a second register.
11:43 Oh, God.
11:44 Hank! Hank!
11:46 Bobby got away.
11:47 What?
11:48 Get him! Go get him!
11:50 Bobby, get--
11:52 What's the matter with you?
12:01 Cookies.
12:03 Hank, did you hear that announcement?
12:05 The gate agent just said we're supposed to go to the TWA flight.
12:09 What?
12:10 All right, let me go ask him and--
12:12 No, there is no time.
12:13 The plane leaves in ten minutes.
12:15 Joseph, here's a roll of quarter-sized aluminum slugs.
12:20 Go knock yourself out at the video arcade.
12:29 Shackleford, Admiral Rusty, Shackleford.
12:34 I'll keep my coat.
12:36 Admiral.
12:37 Admiral.
12:39 Lady Admiral.
12:41 Admiral.
12:51 I'm sorry, Admiral.
12:53 There's no smoking in the terminal building.
12:58 You're not sorry, and I'm not an admiral.
13:07 For the third time, sir, we don't even fly to Montana.
13:11 Well, you check it again.
13:13 My wife heard an official announcement.
13:16 Tell her, Peggy.
13:19 All right, Peggy, you lied to me about the announcement.
13:22 That's strike one.
13:24 What?
13:25 Oh, don't start with that baseball.
13:27 That's two.
13:29 What happens when he gets to three?
13:32 He doesn't know.
13:34 Where's everybody going?
13:35 Did we miss the flight?
13:37 No, it's been canceled till tomorrow morning.
13:39 Canceled?
13:40 Now, you listen to me.
13:41 I know my rights as a passenger.
13:44 Attention remaining passengers.
13:46 We are holding a block of rooms at the Econo Suites.
13:48 A shuttle van is waiting to take you there.
13:53 Nope, uh-uh.
13:54 There are too many people and not enough seats.
13:57 Do the math, Hank.
13:58 Well, if this van fills up, they'll send a second one.
14:01 Hank Rutherford Hill, is naive your middle name?
14:05 There is no second van, and there will never be enough rooms at the hotel.
14:09 Hey, yo, man, Hank, man, look like a down layover.
14:12 Man, there's gonna be something that'll wind up, something that'll spackle on the ground, man.
14:16 You know what I'm saying, man?
14:18 The hotel vans are over here.
14:19 Where's he going?
14:20 Hank, we are fighting a war here called Thanksgiving at the airport.
14:25 Now, we can either stand here and take it like the French, or we can beat the rest of these chumps to the hotel.
14:33 Now, come on.
14:34 Hank!
14:35 Hanky!
14:37 Hey, did you hear?
14:41 The whole airport shut down.
14:43 We're stuck here all night.
14:46 Bill, get the car.
14:48 Mr. Doughtry, did your uncle's flight get in okay?
14:52 Oh, yeah, sure.
14:54 So, can we meet him?
14:56 No, he's back in Ireland.
14:58 Then why are you here?
15:00 We had a fight.
15:02 He bit me.
15:04 Bill, I still don't understand why you're actually here.
15:08 Do you want a ride or not?
15:09 Bill, keep your eyes on the road.
15:12 No, don't worry, Peggy.
15:14 [Tires screeching]
15:16 Strike two and a half.
15:31 [Groaning]
15:33 [Knocking]
15:49 Get the hell out of there.
15:51 There's no smoking in the airport.
15:57 Well, that was a wonderful waste of time.
16:00 [Grunting]
16:12 [Screaming]
16:14 Admiral in distress!
16:16 Admiral in distress!
16:18 Now, we want to be on the first flight tomorrow morning.
16:23 So, I'm going to set my watch alarm for 5.30.
16:28 Paging passenger Tom Ganaway.
16:31 Please pick up the nearest flight courtesy phone.
16:34 Peggy, Peggy, I think that's Tom Ganaway.
16:38 All right, good night, everybody.
16:51 Good morning and happy Thanksgiving to y'all.
16:53 I'm pleased to announce that flight 211 to Billings is now boarding.
16:56 We know it's been a difficult night, but in appreciation of your patience, your headsets will be free.
17:02 Miss Platter, we've oversold the coach section.
17:05 Since you're traveling on a full fare coach ticket, we're going to bump you up to first class.
17:10 [Laughing]
17:11 Good morning, Hills.
17:13 Yes, I use Gold Club miles to upgrade to Honeymoon Suite.
17:17 Best rest of my life.
17:21 Yeah, well, I was too excited to sleep, I tell you what.
17:24 I'm going to visit my in-laws.
17:27 I'm sorry, sir, you're going to have to check that.
17:30 This isn't fair.
17:32 It meets the cubic feet requirement.
17:34 It's just oddly shaped.
17:36 Oh, for God's sake, Hank, there's no time.
17:38 Just check it.
17:40 Please hurry up and take your seats.
17:43 We only have a small break in the weather to take off.
17:46 Well, they're still loading the luggage.
17:49 Looks like a good crew.
17:51 Boy, that big gal can really toss a bag.
17:54 Look at her.
17:55 Um, that curtain over there, what's it for?
18:00 It separates first class from coach.
18:03 I like that class.
18:05 Hey, there's my turkey box.
18:07 [Chuckling]
18:09 Those dogs sure know a good smoked turkey when they smell it.
18:13 [Dogs barking]
18:15 [Truck rumbling]
18:19 Hey, they're not going to forget my turkey, are they?
18:22 Peggy, get the stewardess.
18:24 Oh, no, forget it, here comes somebody.
18:26 What?
18:28 What in the heck is he doing?
18:30 My God, Hank, that's the bomb squad.
18:33 There's a bomb?
18:34 No, no, it's not a bomb, it's a turkey.
18:37 It's a smoked turkey, you idiot!
18:41 Get away from there!
18:42 Stop that!
18:44 You there!
18:45 Oh, please God, no!
18:48 [Gunshot]
18:52 I'm sorry, but the bad weather has moved back in and we've lost our window for takeoff.
19:06 You blew up the wrong man's turkey.
19:09 Now get me to Montana.
19:11 I've got ten hours to buy and smoke a bird.
19:15 Well, DFW is completely shut down.
19:19 Huh, but Love Field is getting flights out.
19:22 There's one to Montana that leaves in an hour.
19:24 Love Field is clear across town.
19:27 The airport bus is leaving in five minutes.
19:29 It's your only chance.
19:31 Did you hear something?
19:37 What'd he say?
19:38 Uh, nothing.
19:40 Looks like we're gonna be here a while.
19:43 Dang airlines, you know.
19:46 Huh, yeah.
19:48 Get your bags, start walking.
19:54 Bobby, Luanne, follow me.
19:56 Hank, where are we going?
20:02 Just walk. Walk slowly.
20:05 Walk, walk, walk.
20:08 Run!
20:10 Oh, Hank, they are jammed butt to gut in there.
20:20 There's no room.
20:21 You said this was war, right?
20:23 Well, I'm tired of fighting fair.
20:25 We're gonna do it your way, Peggy.
20:27 The dirty way.
20:29 Hold on, I got four more.
20:33 You can try.
20:35 [music]
20:37 Bobby, I need an inch.
20:48 Luke!
20:50 Montana, here we come.
21:04 Wait, stop the bus.
21:07 Y'all have a happy Thanksgiving.
21:16 When I gave up my place on that bus,
21:26 I assumed the food court would be open.
21:33 Well, I told my mother we weren't gonna make it,
21:36 and she was disappointed.
21:38 And Luanne, honey, I'm sorry, but your father,
21:42 your father had to go back to the oil rig.
21:45 There were no flight delays in Montana.
21:48 The temperature's been in the mid-70s.
21:51 Oh, no.
21:52 They went swimming.
21:55 Hey, Boom Hauer, I'm sorry you didn't get to see your mother.
21:58 Hey, man, you don't talk about sorry, man.
22:00 I'm a dang old stewardess, and I'm a dang old born gink
22:03 talking about a dang old cold shower and all.
22:06 Four hours stuck on the tarmac.
22:11 I look out window, what do I see?
22:13 A frozen grivel.
22:15 The only thing that kept me going was my will to smoke again
22:20 and the ass trace from an Alitalia flight.
22:24 Well, there you are, Nancy.
22:26 I've been searching all over the airport for you.
22:29 Odell, I searched for you as well.
22:32 Just the worst Thanksgiving ever.
22:41 Come on, everybody.
22:52 We've all got a lot to be thankful about.
22:55 It doesn't matter if we're in Montana or California or Miami.
23:00 The important thing is we're all together,
23:02 so let's have our Thanksgiving dinner.
23:05 Now, I've got a stick of gum.
23:08 I was saving it for the airplane, you know, to pop my ears.
23:13 I have some leftover pizza from Papa Capone's.
23:18 Yeah, man, I got them dang old airplane nuts, man.
23:21 I got them dang old bagels, man. That's about all I got.
23:23 I have a can of yams.
23:25 I got some turkey and all the trimmings.
23:28 Actually, I don't have anything.
23:32 I don't even have Uncle Sam. I made him up.
23:36 Yeah, yeah, I kind of figured that.
23:38 Very sad.
23:39 I guess cold pizza's better than nothing.
23:42 It doesn't have to be cold.
23:49 Okay, as is tradition, I will now carve the Thanksgiving pizza.
23:56 Wait a second.
23:57 With those sugar packets, these packs of margarine,
24:01 some leftover pizza crust, and that propane grill,
24:04 I can Jerry Bake a Supper Brown Betty!
24:07 Well, you do make the best brown Betty in the--
24:10 Yes, I do.
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