King Of The Hill Season 4 Episode 13 Hanky Panky
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00:00 [music]
00:02 [music]
00:31 [music]
00:40 Hey Dad, when you go up to give your acceptance speech, do you want me to stand next to you and pretend I'm doing sign language?
00:48 Bobby, the Blue Flame of Valor Award is the highest honor the Texas Propane Gas Association can bestow upon any current or active member in peacetime.
00:59 Show some respect.
01:01 Ah, Mr. Strickland's wife is beautiful.
01:07 That's not his wife. That's Debbie from work.
01:11 Pretty gal like that should have been able to get a date.
01:15 [music]
01:17 [bell ringing]
01:19 I hope y'all enjoyed your meal. I haven't seen so much chicken in one room since the Democratic National Convention.
01:31 Nothing.
01:33 Now, the first Blue Flame of Valor of this millennium goes to Mr. Hank Hill of Strickland Propane.
01:43 [applause]
01:57 Thank you.
01:59 As a young boy, I always dreamed of winning the Super Bowl.
02:05 Then, as most of you know, that dream was crushed along with my ankle in the Class 2A State Football Championship.
02:15 Well, I knocked around for a while, sowed my oats, got a job at Jean's West.
02:22 Long story short, one day at JW, I sold a pair of Jordache to a man who would change my life.
02:32 To quote Dr. Luther King, "I had another dream, to sell propane and propane accessories."
02:41 Dr. King.
02:43 The name of the man and the distributorship who made me dream again?
02:49 Strickland.
02:52 The S stands for service.
02:56 The T is for trust.
02:59 The R is for reliability.
03:02 Now, the I stands for...
03:04 Check out!
03:07 No.
03:09 It's for integrity.
03:11 That's not even the right letter.
03:13 Thanks, Mrs. Strickland.
03:15 This ought to be good.
03:17 Now, Miss Liz, just calm down here.
03:20 We're free in public.
03:22 We are in public with this little bimbo in front of half our Christmas card list.
03:29 Are those my mother's earrings?
03:32 C is for compassion.
03:35 I want you out of the house.
03:37 Yeah, but free.
03:38 And out of the lake house.
03:39 Out of the lake house?
03:41 I'm sorry I stole your thunder, Hank.
03:43 Please, start over.
03:47 Ah, hmm. Well, uh...
03:52 Uh, now where was I?
03:55 D for done.
04:01 Hank, my office.
04:02 Pronto.
04:06 Morning, Debbie.
04:07 Now we gotta move fast.
04:09 Hank, give me, uh, give me whatever cash you got.
04:13 Uh-huh, son. You just bought yourself a barbecue joint.
04:18 I hereby transfer 100% ownership of Sugarfoots Barbecue to Hank Hill.
04:24 Yeah, that's right. And after my divorce is final, you'll therefore transfer 100% ownership back to me.
04:31 And Miss Liz can't have half of what I don't own, you see.
04:37 You saw me, don't you?
04:38 Sir, I didn't even know you owned Sugarfoots.
04:41 That place is an institution, I tell you what.
04:44 You got your sawdust on the floor, the brisket served up on butcher paper.
04:50 Yeah, yeah, Hank, this ain't poetry night.
04:52 Now don't worry. The place runs itself.
04:55 They help make some barbecue, I make the money.
04:58 Now go tell Joe Jack to come get his new Avon route out forward.
05:02 And take Roger his scimitar, would you?
05:09 With the power vested in me by the great state of Texas, I hereby notarize this beer coaster.
05:16 Congratulations, Hank, you own a barbecue restaurant.
05:20 And because we live in a community property state, I own half.
05:25 So in addition, congratulations to me.
05:33 Now listen here, children.
05:35 We're a family. Now Daddy still calls the shots, but Debbie's your new mama.
05:46 Now...
05:48 Aw, shoot.
05:50 Pleasant morning to all y'all.
05:52 My name's Jewel Crawford, attorney at law.
05:55 I know all about you, you sorry sack of saccharite.
05:59 Sticks and stones, Buck.
06:01 That's all you gonna be left with.
06:04 Well, you must be the adulterous correspondent in this divorce.
06:08 Aren't you pretty?
06:10 I see how you can make a weak man stupid.
06:13 Thank you.
06:15 Judge Yarborough sends his best regards.
06:18 And this, it tells you when you gotta leave, which is now, and where you gotta go, which is out.
06:24 There, you all caught up.
06:26 That's it, Miss Liz. Let go of my egos.
06:29 I'm sorry you had to hear that, Miss Liz.
06:32 Now you, drag yourself out that door before my ostrich boot puts your egos back in the toaster.
06:39 Thank you, Jewel.
06:41 God damn it. Debbie, you stay here. I need you to be my eyes and ears.
06:47 I'm his eyes and ears.
06:49 Yes, but your butt belongs to me.
06:53 Because from now on, I am the Strickland in Strickland propane.
07:00 Uh, look, Miss Strickland, I believe in being direct, so, uh, well, can you just fire me now?
07:09 I figure you probably want to bring in your own people.
07:12 My people shop. Relax, Hank.
07:16 I and my lawyer want this business to be profitable.
07:20 I can't do that without you. I need you on my team.
07:24 Hmm. Well, I do love teamwork.
07:27 Hank, what's the worst job on this team?
07:31 Worst paying or most degrading?
07:33 Ah, hell, it's the same for both. Tank wipe.
07:37 Debbie! You're on tank wipe!
07:42 You're on tank wipe!
07:44 Ugh, sawdust.
07:57 Hey, Wayne. Hey, Bobby.
08:02 Ugh, this place has so many possibilities.
08:10 Hello. My name is Peggy Hill. I am the new owner of Sugarbooks.
08:14 What happened to Mr. Buck?
08:16 Oh, Mr. Buck is going through a nasty divorce.
08:20 So, he sold this restaurant to me and my husband, who will be a silent partner.
08:26 Okay. I'm not meeting you.
08:28 Well, I have not met you yet because you have not told me your name.
08:32 Well, that there's Elvin, our sauce man.
08:35 Bobby, he serves barbecue, bean, okra, coleslaw, what have you.
08:40 That Meryl, she takes the money. I'm Little John. I cut meat.
08:44 Well, it is very nice to meet you, Little John.
08:48 As my first order of business, I want you to know that you are no longer employees.
08:54 You are now teammates on Team Peggy Hill.
09:00 And I am your captain, Peggy Hill.
09:03 Uh-huh. That'd be fine.
09:05 Oh!
09:08 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm looking for building 25, apartment 318D.
09:26 This is it.
09:27 Yeah, I'm in here, old chap.
09:30 Huh. You know, Debbie's place is right next to Sugarfoots. That's a coincidence.
09:35 No coincidence. I like to eat, I like to hump, and I don't like to drive.
09:39 So, I built Sugarfoots next to the Singles Complex.
09:43 Have a seat.
09:44 That's my Italian scattergun.
09:53 That gun, that saddle, them boots, one measly box of cash, that's all I can hide from my wife and that damn Jewel Crawford.
10:02 Oh.
10:03 eBay has a Smoky and the Vance, Screaming Eagle, Black Trans Am, Hot Wheels, still on the blister pack.
10:09 Hey, Buck, can I borrow $400?
10:12 That's Debbie's roommate, Laura.
10:14 It's Gale. Here's where I'm gonna stick my, light my firebird.
10:19 You go shut up, Gale.
10:21 My firebird.
10:23 You go shut up now is what you're gonna do.
10:25 God dang it, are those my pecan sandies?
10:28 That was dinner.
10:30 Hank, let's do something nice for our tummies, huh?
10:38 Uh, what would you recommend if none of this looks good?
10:48 Crepes and Jack.
10:49 And the Florentine for Madam.
10:51 I can remember, barely, when waiters didn't call me Madam.
10:59 Looks like you need a refill.
11:08 Oh, Hank, I can forgive my husband's benders and the profanity and his inappropriate comfort with all aspects of the human body, but it's the women, Hank.
11:22 My purse of forgiveness is finally empty.
11:26 Oh, please don't make me choose sides.
11:30 Mr. Strickland's been very good to me, and I've worked for him as long as he's been cheating on you.
11:37 We both deserve better, Hank.
11:40 I'd like you to have this.
11:43 Hank Rutherford Hill.
11:46 I'm making you manager, and I'm giving you a raise.
11:51 Wow. Manager?
11:54 Well, I hope you won't pass the cost of my raise on to the customer.
11:59 You...
12:00 Welcome to our very first team meeting.
12:06 Now, this is our new suggestion box.
12:09 It is a way for each of us to anonymously suggest ways we can whip this place into shape without fear of losing your job.
12:17 Oh, someone's already made a suggestion.
12:21 This is exciting.
12:23 Sweep out the sawdust and put down carpet.
12:28 Carpet Tax is having another going-out-of-business sale.
12:31 Excellent. Approved.
12:33 You know, that box would work better if you cut a hole in the top.
12:36 Mm-hmm. Possibly.
12:38 Now, in addition to the anonymous suggestion, I have a few thoughts of my own.
12:42 Elvin, when customers walk into Sugarfoots, what's their first thought?
12:47 I'm hungry.
12:49 Uh-uh. It's, "Why isn't this place good enough to be a chain?"
12:53 Now, my own experience tells me that people are willing to sacrifice individuality for comfort and familiarity.
13:00 And in his autobiography, Wendy's founder Dave Thomas agrees.
13:05 I like them square hamburgers.
13:07 Exactly. Now, everyone, please open up your tour envelope.
13:12 Hello. Oh, hi, Ms. Strickland.
13:18 Uh-huh. A propane emergency?
13:25 Come in, Hank. There seems to be a propane leak in the master bathroom.
13:31 Huh. Is it the whirlpool or the heater?
13:34 You're the professional. I just know it's not hot enough in there... yet.
13:40 Sounds like the heater.
13:42 Huh.
13:45 This might be electrical.
13:52 I knew you were the right man for the job.
13:55 You know, I gotta be honest with you, Ms. Liz. I was worried when you took over at Strickland.
14:00 Could you pass me more of those bath beads?
14:03 Oh, sure. And I didn't want to have to leave Strickland...
14:08 Is that champagne?
14:10 And these are two glasses?
14:13 Huh. Uh, yep. A backup glass in case one of 'em breaks.
14:19 Hank, let's get in there and make some soup.
14:23 Oh, no, no, no, wait. What? What? What?
14:32 Hank, I am so embarrassed about last night.
14:44 You're a real gentleman, and I was a little less than a lady.
14:50 I'll try to be patient with you and with my desires.
14:55 Uh, well, you know, there's no personal... uh...
15:01 It was my fault, and I'm turning over a new leaf.
15:05 Now, here's your new manager's uniform. Put it on and let's go into the showroom.
15:11 In recognition of his dedication to this company,
15:15 I have promoted Hank Hill to be the new manager of Strickland Propane.
15:22 Boy toy!
15:36 Boy toy? I don't even know what that means.
15:39 It means you're Miss Liz's Debbie.
15:42 Hey!
15:44 See you around, Debbie.
15:47 Now, if you're a sage priest, Debbie, did you shove a cat down this drain?
15:53 I haven't had time to do anything except be your wife's slave.
15:57 Buck! You gotta do something!
16:00 Yawn, yawn, Debbie. I can't help you no more.
16:03 Well, I'm tired of wiping tanks all day to support this home.
16:07 While you sit there like a king watching all my children with gale.
16:11 Geez!
16:12 Now, I am not a history buff, but I tell ya, I don't remember Louis the 14th
16:17 spending his days pulling hippie hair out of drains.
16:20 You're right, tortilla chips, Buck.
16:22 Well, that's it. Debbie, get me my flip-flops. I'm going to shave in the pool.
16:34 Poor Peggy. Don't suspect a thing about Miss Liz.
16:38 There is nothing to suspect. I haven't done anything except my job.
16:43 Well, you can kiss that goodbye, unless you kiss Miss Liz in a pleasing manner.
16:49 You could call the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.
16:52 Or you could just put out.
16:54 Sexy one.
16:55 I'm not going to put out, I'm not going to lose my job,
16:59 and I'm not going to let Peggy find out about any of this.
17:03 Dale, give me a cigarette.
17:04 I thought you quit, because cigarettes cause death.
17:09 They do, you know, so pace yourself.
17:12 Need a light?
17:31 What the... Debbie? What are you doing here?
17:36 Why are you in your underwear?
17:39 I need you to protect me from Miss Liz. She hates me.
17:44 Well, you are having an affair with her husband.
17:47 No, I was having an affair with my boss.
17:52 You're my boss now.
17:59 No, sir. I'm sorry, but at this point in time, I'm going to have to reject your advances.
18:07 Hank! Stop it!
18:10 Oh, God.
18:12 It's not over! Now, better reject, scum of ground!
18:16 Well, I just did.
18:18 You'll be sorry, Hank, he'll...
18:24 [Crickets chirping]
18:26 What the... Mr. Strickland?
18:31 Well, well. The plaintiff called me, gloating all about your little rub-a-dub-dub in my tub.
18:39 Now, soup is good food, Hank, but keep your spoon in your own bowl.
18:43 Sir, we go back 15 years,
18:47 and in all that time, I have only had one mistress, and her name is Propane.
18:54 Peggy and I have an understanding about that.
18:59 Oh, heck, Hank, I believe you. I know you don't have sex.
19:04 Well, that is not exactly accurate.
19:06 I had it all, Hank. I had a good wife to mother me. I had a pretty young girlfriend.
19:12 I was living like a Frenchman.
19:14 But I blew it. I lost my wife and my money,
19:19 and now I want my wife and my money back.
19:24 Mrs. Strickland, you told Buck that we made soup,
19:29 when you know darn well that we most certainly did not make soup.
19:33 Yes, Hank, I did. I told him we made a big bowl of cream of us,
19:38 and for that, I'm sorry.
19:41 Cream of... What kind of teamwork was that?
19:45 Buck and I have been doing the same dance for 32 years. I needed to dip him for a change.
19:51 I've never seen a man so dipped in his life.
19:54 Oh, Buck.
19:56 So you dragged my good name through the dirt just to make Buck jealous.
20:01 Oh, try and forgive me, Hank.
20:04 You know what? In the name of forgiveness, why don't you let me buy you dinner at Sugarfoots tonight, 6 o'clock?
20:12 Yeah. Yeah, forgiveness.
20:16 Buck, I thought you might be in the mood for something besides SpaghettiOs.
20:21 Uh-huh. How about meeting me at Sugarfoots for dinner? Keep an eye on your hidden assets?
20:26 Okay, I'll see you at 6.
20:29 [phone rings]
20:33 Hello?
20:34 May I please speak to Peggy?
20:37 No, I'm sorry. Peggy's at Sugarfoots. Can I take a message?
20:41 Tell her that Debbie Grun slept with her husband.
20:45 Who is this?
20:47 It's Debbie. Remember me?
20:50 Put that old lady back on. Maybe she can talk some sense into you.
20:55 Oh, don't bother with that message. Sugarfoots is right across the street. I'll tell your wife myself.
21:02 No, no. You don't want to do that.
21:06 Why not?
21:08 Well, because then it would make it even harder for us to pursue our relationship.
21:18 So we're going to do it.
21:20 Yes, we are going to do it.
21:25 I like it when you talk dirty.
21:29 Therefore, I'm now going to drive over there, baby.
21:34 I just had phone sex.
21:39 Welcome to Peggy's Sugarfoots. And how many in your party?
21:50 Bobby, quick. Where's your mother?
21:53 What the hell happened to this place?
21:58 [music]
22:06 Peggy, Peggy, have you seen Debbie from work?
22:10 It is always about your work, isn't it, Hank?
22:13 Well, we're not at Strickland Propane now. We are at Peggy's Sugarfoots.
22:18 You haven't said one word about how I've turned this place around.
22:21 Yo, Miss Peggy, your choo-choo's gone off the track. That's six times a day that thing's gone off the track that I know of.
22:27 Now, what the hell happened to this place? It's pressier than Tony Roma's.
22:32 Yeah, yeah. Why don't you take a seat?
22:37 Bobby.
22:39 Miss Liz.
22:41 Buck. Oh, my God. There used to be a horseshoe over the door that we took off our horse on our honeymoon.
22:52 And these walls, they used to be the same smoky color as your eyes.
22:58 What have they done to Sugarfoots, Sugarfoot?
23:02 Why, you haven't called me Sugarfoot in years.
23:07 Buck, you got a promise, right?
23:10 Oh, sweetheart, baby, I know it.
23:12 Don't you worry about nothing, because you know what? Debbie is history.
23:17 Oh, my God, Debbie. I've got to stop her.
23:27 I got to talk to Debbie.
23:31 Mmm, mmm. Everybody is going to love my new barbecue sauce.
23:36 What was that?
23:40 Hello? Is anybody there?
23:43 Hank, is that you?
23:45 Mr. Strickland? Miss Liz?
23:49 All right, whoever you are, we do not accept any bills larger than a 20.
23:54 Oh.
23:56 Oh.
23:58 Oh.
23:59 Ah!
24:01 Debbie?
24:02 Somebody shot...
24:04 Debbie!
24:06 Debbie!
24:09 Debbie!
24:12 Debbie!
24:14 Debbie!
24:17 [Music]
24:20 [Music]
24:23 [Music]
24:25 [Music]