TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | Episode aired 15 December 1965
A friend suggests to Cathy that the Lanes wouldn't stop her from becoming an exchange student because she has worn out her welcome there. So Cathy decides to prove her friend wrong by signing up for the program.
Director: Richard Kinon
Writers: Sidney Morse, Roy Kammerman, Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
A friend suggests to Cathy that the Lanes wouldn't stop her from becoming an exchange student because she has worn out her welcome there. So Cathy decides to prove her friend wrong by signing up for the program.
Director: Richard Kinon
Writers: Sidney Morse, Roy Kammerman, Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00So, Cynthia, all you have to remember is that the square of the half...
00:07Cynthia?
00:08Cynthia!
00:09Cathy, I need your opinion.
00:12A frank and honest opinion.
00:14What do you think of Doug Bailey?
00:16Well, frankly and honestly, I think he's dull, boring, and completely impossible.
00:20You're right.
00:21He never paid any attention to me either.
00:23That's not the point.
00:25Hey, something new's been added.
00:28Exchange student program.
00:30I wonder who we can exchange for him.
00:32Why, that would be exciting.
00:34Buenos Aires is the Paris of South America.
00:36And Marrakesh in the moonlight.
00:38Flamenco's to a mad guitar.
00:39Dawn over the Andes.
00:41And I understand there are four men to every woman.
00:44That'd be heaven if a girl only got half her share.
00:47It certainly sounds exciting.
00:49Cathy, do you suppose...
00:51No, my family'd never let me go.
00:54Hey, but you could go.
00:55Oh, I'm afraid my family wouldn't let me go either.
00:57Well, they're in England.
00:59No, no, I mean my family here.
01:01Aren't you a little bit confused?
01:02The Lanes aren't your family.
01:04Well, they certainly think of me as one of their own.
01:06And they wouldn't let me go any more than they'd let Patty go.
01:08Oh, Cathy, don't be ridiculous.
01:10Of course they would.
01:11I mean, you're just a visitor.
01:13Cynthia, that's silly.
01:15One way to find out.
01:16Ask them.
01:17I have a good mind to do that, just to prove you wrong.
01:19I dare you to try it.
01:21You'll see I'm right.
01:22You know, my grandfather has a saying.
01:24After a few days, fish and visitors start to spoil.
01:36Meet Cathy who's lived most everywhere
01:39From Zanzibar to Barclays Square
01:42But Patty's only seen the sights a girl can see
01:45From Brooklyn Heights
01:46What a crazy pair
01:48But they're cousins
01:51Identical cousins
01:53All the way
01:55One pair of matching bookends
01:58Different as night and day
02:01Where Cathy adores a minuet
02:05The Ballet Russe and Crepe Suzette
02:08Our Patty loves to rock and roll
02:10A hot dog makes her lose control
02:12What a wild duet
02:13Still they're cousins
02:16Identical cousins
02:18Then you'll find
02:21They laugh alike, they walk alike
02:22At times they even talk alike
02:24You can lose your mind
02:27When cousins
02:29Aren't two of a kind
02:46He'll be ready in a couple of minutes, Ross.
02:48You said that an hour ago.
02:49Well, I had a little trouble with the fire going out.
02:51You know, if we'd done these in the kitchen on the broiler,
02:53we'd be finished eating by now.
02:55You're the only kid I know
02:56who doesn't like charcoal broiled steaks.
02:58Dad, it's the space age.
02:59Why put up with stone age cooking?
03:01Steak's on.
03:03All right, everybody, let's go.
03:04Steak's on.
03:06Coming, Sergeant.
03:10Okay, now, let's see.
03:12Natalie, medium well.
03:16Ross, well done.
03:18How do you eat them that way?
03:20And Kathy, chart on the outside, pink in the middle.
03:23Thank you, Uncle Martin.
03:24You never forget, do you?
03:25Oh, why would I forget, honey?
03:26You've been here long enough.
03:28See now, Patty and the chef, both medium.
03:31Thanks, Papa.
03:32Not well done enough.
03:36Have you ever tried charcoal broiled charcoal?
03:39Mine's perfect, Martin.
03:41Mine too.
03:42How's yours, Kath?
03:43Oh, fine, Uncle Martin, thank you.
03:45What's the matter, Kathy?
03:46You're like in another world.
03:48Nothing, Patty, I was just thinking.
03:49About what?
03:51Well, I really don't know quite how to say this.
03:53Well, you know there's nothing you can't tell us.
03:55I know, but I wouldn't want you to misunderstand.
03:58Well, the suspense is killing me, Kathy.
03:59What is it?
04:00Well, I may have an opportunity to get an exchange scholarship.
04:05A scholarship?
04:06Where?
04:07Argentina.
04:08Argentina?
04:09Why would you want to go to Argentina?
04:11Well, I understand Buenos Aires is very exciting,
04:13like Rome or Madrid.
04:14Yes, I've heard it's a very cosmopolitan city.
04:17You mean too sophisticated.
04:19Well, not for you, honey.
04:20You've lived in big cities before.
04:22Yeah, but Kathy would be all alone down there.
04:24Not really, Patty.
04:25They'd put me with an Argentine family.
04:27But they'd be strangers.
04:29You wouldn't know anyone.
04:30Now, when Kathy came here, we were all strangers too.
04:33I never considered you strangers.
04:35Kathy, do you know how far Argentina is?
04:38I know.
04:40You mean too far for me to go?
04:42Of course it's not too far.
04:43Are you kidding, Papa?
04:45Now, just a minute, everybody.
04:47Look, there's an atlas on my desk.
04:49Kathy, would you get it, and we'll find out exactly how far it is.
04:52You don't need an atlas.
04:53I can tell you exactly how...
04:54Oh!
04:55I'm sure you can.
04:57My shin.
04:58Oh, I'm sorry.
05:07Look, none of you seems to understand,
05:09but this is a big opportunity for Kathy,
05:11but she's got a conflict about it
05:12because she thinks we don't want her to go.
05:14She's right.
05:15If Kathy leaves, I'll be devastated.
05:17It would be like losing my own daughter.
05:19Who'll help me with my homework?
05:20Now, wait a minute, Kim.
05:22In the first place, she's not going yet.
05:25She's just thinking about it.
05:26And in the second place, if we're gonna be fair to Kathy,
05:29we've gotta let her decide this by herself.
05:31Don't you see that?
05:32I don't think she can't do this to me.
05:33She can't go, Martin.
05:34I don't care about being fair.
05:36Now, hold on, hold on.
05:38You just don't seem to understand.
05:40It's hard enough for Kathy to make a decision like this
05:43without your making it any harder.
05:45What are we supposed to do, be cheerful?
05:47Exactly, that's what I want you to do, be cheerful.
05:50In fact, we've gotta convince her
05:51that we're happier about this than she is,
05:53no matter how we feel.
05:58I can't believe how far Argentina is.
06:005,300 miles.
06:02Well, that's only 10 or 11 hours by plane.
06:05Yeah, sometimes it takes us that long to get across town.
06:09I'll get it.
06:11Well, as long as nobody minds my going.
06:17You know we'll miss you.
06:19I'll miss you, too.
06:21Well, you can come and visit us on your vacations.
06:24Yes, I suppose so.
06:26Let's face it, Kath,
06:27this is too big an opportunity for you to pass up.
06:30Yes, it is, isn't it?
06:32It's for you, Kath, Cynthia.
06:34Excuse me.
06:39Well, how did we do?
06:41Well, not bad,
06:42but we're gonna have to do even better
06:44if we're gonna convince her.
06:46You won't believe this, Cynthia.
06:48Not only didn't they object to my leaving,
06:50they actually seemed quite cheerful about it.
06:53Yes, they didn't object at all.
06:55Isn't that wonderful?
06:57Well, of course.
06:59Oh, yes, I'm just...
07:01so miserable I could die.
07:04I thought they'd put up a little fuss.
07:06Well, what can I do?
07:08I'll just go right downtown tomorrow after school
07:10and fill out an application.
07:12Well, of course I'll miss them, but we're all right.
07:14And you know something else, Cynthia?
07:17Your grandfather was right about visitors and fish.
07:21Hello.
07:22Hi.
07:23I'm Kathy Lane.
07:25I'm Collette Dayut.
07:27Well, it's nice to meet you.
07:30Are you Collette?
07:31Yes, I am.
07:32I'm very pleased.
07:33I was a student in the Times.
07:34You are?
07:35Yes.
07:36And I'm Kathy Lane.
07:37I'm Collette Dayut.
07:38Well, it's nice to meet you.
07:40Are you art teacher?
07:41Yes, my name is Collette.
07:43And you're Kathy Lane.
07:44Yes.
07:45And I'm a city school teacher.
07:46Very nice.
07:47And you?
07:48to meet you. Thank you. Are you going to Argentina? Possibly. Are you? Uh-huh it's sort of a prize.
07:55Oh really? What for? I won the Miss Teenage America contest. Oh well congratulations. Tell me um
08:03did you have much trouble getting your parents permission to go? Oh I'll say for a while I
08:08didn't think they were going to let me. What a fuss they put up. Oh that's wonderful. Pardon?
08:15Nothing. Kathleen. Excuse me.
08:23You certainly have a very good record. Thank you. I'm going to love going to your country.
08:29I think you will like Argentina. Oh I'm sure I'll love it. I've always wanted to go to Buenos
08:33Aires. The music, the fiestas. Well perhaps someday you will. Someday? What would be the point of
08:40sending you to Buenos Aires? It would be like sending you to Paris or Rome. Is that bad? No no
08:47but the purpose of this program is for you to absorb some of our native culture, our customs.
08:54You are going to Fin del Mundo. Fin del Mundo? Where is that? It's a small village high in the
09:02Andes. Very colorful. And very isolated. Oh very. You'll find it an ideal place to study.
09:09No distractions. And no boys. I mean no distractions at all. Of course Fin del Mundo has its boys.
09:17Fine boys in whose veins the blood of the conquistadores still boils. Even at that altitude?
09:25Naturally your chaperone will be with you night and day to make sure they do not harm you.
09:30Naturally. Would you fill this in please?
09:41We've got to find something out about that place or she won't go there. Listen to this.
09:45Argentina has some of the most powerful fiestas in South America. That's not the kind of thing
09:50we're looking for. And will you please stop eating those potato chips and concentrate. I'm using them
09:55to keep my place. Uh-oh. What's the matter? This is about the courtship customs down there. Yeah?
10:02Any pictures? All I know is Kathy better watch her step. She gets A in math and science but
10:07when it comes to men that's a whole different story. Yeah but you got an A in biology too.
10:11So she can dissect a frog. What's biology got to do with men? Pretty complicated. Listen. When a girl
10:18wishes to show that she is single and available she places a rose behind her right ear. If she
10:23places it behind her left ear. She's available but not single. It means she's single available
10:30and interested. Now if she drops the rose when she passes a boy it means she's. A butterfinger.
10:36It means she's attracted to the boy and would welcome in advance.
10:40Oh boy I think Kathy's gonna be in big trouble down there. I don't think so. Why not? She's allergic
10:46to roses. Ross. Will you fill your mouth with potato chips and keep reading?
10:52Oh hello Martin. Oh hello Martin. Whatever happened to the mad gay blonde who used to
11:16smother me with kisses at the door? I'm sorry dear. I guess I just haven't felt too gay since
11:23Kathy decided to leave us. Gee do you remember how frightened and shy she was when she first
11:28came to us? My heart went out to her. Oh I know how you feel Nat. I love her too but
11:36this is something that she wants to do. This is something that's very important to her.
11:39We can't hold her back.
11:50Popple we got something that's gonna put out the fire. Yeah. Hey whatever happened to hello dad
11:55how's your game? I'm sorry Popple but this is important. Listen go ahead Ross read it.
11:59Ross why do you insist on using potato chips as bookmarks? Listen in some South American countries
12:06the average lifespan of the native population is a mere 32 years. Very interesting. Popple
12:12interesting. Don't you realize that Kathy's gonna be cut down on the prime of her life and it's
12:16gonna be our fault? Okay look if that doesn't impress you listen to this. Quite often in South
12:23America young girls are betrothed at the ages of nine and ten and married by the time they are 12
12:29or 13. Are the two of you really worried about Kathy's getting married? Of course not. I'm worried
12:34about her being an old maid. By the time she gets there all the nine and ten-year-olds will be taken.
12:40And just what do you intend to do with this choice bit of information? Tell Kathy of course. Oh no you
12:46won't. Popple when a person runs across a choice piece of information like this it's her duty to
12:50speak up. And now look the two of you just sit down over here for a minute. A little talk about this.
12:57Now look both of you love Kathy right? Of course we do. Well now then you certainly don't want to
13:02be millstones around her neck do you? No sir. All right now Patty one thing you're not is selfish.
13:10I mean you're always giving your time to other people extending yourself for them. Can you do
13:14less for Kathy? No Popple I guess not. Hey wait a minute I'm just as unselfish as she is. Of course
13:19you are. Now here's the point. So far we've done a pretty good job of convincing Kathy that she's
13:25free to go. But as the time for her to leave gets nearer her doubts are going to get more intense.
13:30So we have to step up our efforts to make her feel that that we're pleased she's going. That
13:35we're delighted in fact. You mean we have to bend over backwards to convince her? Exactly. Okay good.
13:42How about you son? Well I sure don't want to be a millstone. Well I'm sure you don't want to be a
13:48Well I sure don't want to be a millstone. That's my boy.
13:52What's a millstone?
14:01Hi Kathy. Hello Uncle Martin. Did you get your application filled out? Um yes but you'll have to
14:06sign it to make it official. Oh what'd they say about your chances? Very good. Marvelous. Uncle
14:12Martin. If you've changed your mind it's not too late. Changed my mind about what? About my going.
14:20Oh of course not. I tell you let me have the application. I'll sign it right now.
14:28Uncle Martin. I'm not going to Buenos Aires you know. You're not? No I'm going to a little town
14:35called Fin del Mundo. Oh uh-huh. Um it's actually not a town. It's a village.
14:43Do you know what Fin del Mundo means? Oh let's see. I used to be pretty good at Spanish. Um
14:48Fin means uh... End. End right and uh Mundo means... World. End of the world.
14:55Gee it sounds pretty isolated. Oh it is. It's way up in the mountains. Ah that's wonderful because
14:59that's the way you get the real feel of the country.
15:01Nobody speaks English. Perfect. You know that's the only way to learn a foreign language.
15:07All right there you are honey. You should be pretty excited. Oh yes I am. Terribly.
15:18Hello Kathy. Hello Aunt Natalie. What's new? Um Uncle Martin just signed my application for the
15:23scholarship. Oh how does it look? Very encouraging. Oh marvelous.
15:29Aunt Natalie. Yes. Um you shouldn't be doing that. It's my job. Well as long as you're leaving us I
15:36better get used to doing it again. Now if my leaving is going to cause you any extra work I
15:40won't go. Oh nonsense dear. As a matter of fact with one less person in the house there'll be
15:45less work for me. Oh yes of course.
15:58Hey Kat. Come here a minute.
16:06Yes Ross. Well I don't want to get emotional about this but we've been pretty close haven't we?
16:11Of course we have. I mean anything you want me to do I'll do right? Well yes and the same goes for me.
16:17And Ross you know I'd do anything you want me not to go uh to do. You're definitely going to
16:25Argentina aren't you? I suppose. So far. Why? I don't know if I should ask you this. It's awful big.
16:31Is it about my going to Argentina? Yeah. Ross ask. Well when you go would you ask Dad if Patty and
16:41me can split your allowance?
16:42Patty are you in there? Yeah Kat. Can you squeeze through?
17:03Patty. What's happened to this place? Oh I didn't think you'd notice.
17:08What? What is all this? Oh I just redecorated. Redecorated? Yeah. I figure since I'm gonna be
17:18here alone I can really spread out. Would you like a soda? No thank you. How about an ice cream cone
17:25with sprinkles? Patty you never told me I was in the way. You're not in the way Kathy. I've enjoyed
17:34crowding myself into this room to share it with you. I crowded you? Oh no no I didn't mean it that way.
17:41I thought we were like sisters. Closer than sisters. But you want to go to Argentina don't you?
17:50Patty what if I. Yeah? Nothing.
17:56Kathy do you really. What Patty? Nothing.
18:06Dinner's ready kids. What were you going to say? Nothing Kath. I know you love Argentina.
18:26Anything besides bills Kath? Yes I noticed a report from my medical examination. That's the
18:38last step before Argentina isn't it? Yes. Well as healthy as you are the only thing that could
18:43stop you is an attack of gout. Gout? That's ridiculous you're too young. Oh really? Then
18:53perhaps I should tell you what happened when I got up this morning. I had a terrible crick in my
18:57back. Right here? That's the spot. Me too. Sure hurts doesn't it? Yes. Do you ever get a pain back here?
19:06All the time. What do you do for it? Nothing. That's the best thing you'll have to live with it.
19:12Now back to your medical history. Have you ever had the measles? Yes. Mumps? Yes. A whooping cough?
19:25Yes. Chicken pox? Yes. Berry berry? Yes yes.
19:31Scurvy? Yes. Ishimoto syndrome? Yes. Well that's all there is. You've had every disease there is on the
19:42list. Oh my does that eliminate me? Oh no with your medical history you should be immune to anything.
19:50Splendid.
20:08Well? Well what? When do we start the countdown? Not for a couple of days they'll send the official
20:14letter to Uncle Martin. Oh are you sure you passed? Of course I passed I've never been sick a day in
20:19my life. Gee that's tough. You mean you don't want me to go? Kathy I hope you make out better in
20:25Spanish than you have in English. Tough means great. Oh I see. Well you must be thrilled about
20:32passing huh? Oh yes yes. As a matter of fact it's the toughest thing that's ever happened to me.
20:38Martin! On my way.
20:54What is it? It's from the exchange program. Oh boy. You don't suppose we could burn it? Don't tempt me.
21:01Dear Mr. Lane, we regret to inform you that your niece Katherine has been rejected for the exchange
21:06student program. Martin. Her medical history shows a background of pellagra and...
21:13Pellagra? I never knew she had pellagra. Martin you're not going to believe this but Kathy has
21:18never had pellagra. Are you sure? Of course I know her medical history like a book.
21:24Don't you see? She made it up. Why? Because she's got a bad case of you don't love me anymore.
21:33Do you mean that all this time we've been trying to convince her that she was free to go
21:37she's been trying to get us to... Say that we love her too much to let her go.
21:41Nat that was marvelous. Thank you dear. Hey dad you want to hear a great riddle? Sure. What's green
21:47and flat and has four red wheels? Our front lawn. You lied about the red wheels. Kill that patty.
21:57You have two choices for dessert pie or coffee cake. I certainly will miss your coffee.
22:02I'll miss your coffee. I'll miss your coffee. I'll miss your coffee.
22:06Two choices for dessert pie or coffee cake. I certainly will miss your coffee cake.
22:11Yeah with all that coffee down there they must have some coffee cake. Ross you've got the wrong
22:15country. Coffee comes from Brazil. I'm going to Argentina. Oh Kath. Yes uncle Martin. I um I hate
22:23to disappoint you Kathy but you're not going to Argentina. What? You mean that Papa? No kidding?
22:30Why not uncle Martin? For a very simple reason. Because we'd all miss you too much. He's right.
22:39Well uh I was looking forward to it. Well I'm sorry about that honey but you mean too much to us.
22:46You mean you won't let me go? I absolutely forbid it.
22:51Uncle Martin you're not serious. I am. Isn't that being a bit selfish? It is.
22:57You're asking me to give up a marvelous opportunity.
23:01I know it. But you have no idea how I was looking forward to it.
23:05Well now wait a minute. Maybe uh maybe I'm wrong and if I'm being pig-headed about it I... No uncle
23:10Martin you've every right to be wrong and pig-headed. I mean you're right. If you don't
23:15want me to go to Argentina I'll make the sacrifice.
23:18Good. Well now that that's settled how about dessert? You have only to ask what would you like?
23:26I think I'll have a piece of pie. Cake for me. It's a celebration. I'll take both. Kathy.
23:34Nothing for me thank you. I've had my dessert.
23:48Oh hi Kath. What's going on? I was just watching Doug Bailey that dream. Oh really Patty? I think
24:09he's gonna ask me for a date. He never stopped watching me all during history. I think Doug
24:13Bailey is a perfect drop. That's drip. Well either way I wouldn't go out with him if he
24:18were the last person in the world. Nobody's asking you to. Hi girls. Hi Doug. Hello Doug.
24:25Hey Kath you doing anything right now? No. Why? I thought maybe we'd go over to the mall shop and
24:29get a soda. I'd love to Doug. Terrific. See you later Patty. Bye Pat.
24:38How do you like that? I kept my big mouth shut she'd be in Argentina by now.
25:18Time to have a go.