TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | Episode aired 27 October 1965
An Interpol spy, and friend of Cathy's father, comes to visit the Lane family. But Patty thinks he is there on official business.
Director: Gary Nelson
Writers: Sam Locke, Joel Rapp, Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
An Interpol spy, and friend of Cathy's father, comes to visit the Lane family. But Patty thinks he is there on official business.
Director: Gary Nelson
Writers: Sam Locke, Joel Rapp, Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Really, sometimes your naivete is not to be believed.
00:07Yeah?
00:08Well, Popo told me that David Mance is just coming here on a visit.
00:11Of course it's what he told you, because he doesn't want you going over the whole neighborhood
00:14blabbing that a famous international spy is going to be staying with us.
00:17He doesn't want anyone to know?
00:19Of course not.
00:20Wait right here.
00:21Ross, don't you realize that every move a man like that makes is top security?
00:25Well, then somebody let the cat out of the bag.
00:29Oh, this could mean disaster to David Matson.
00:32Popo!
00:33Popo!
00:34You've got to cable David Matson immediately and tell him not to come here.
00:37What?
00:38Look, have you seen that?
00:39Yeah, I wrote it.
00:40You wrote it?
00:41Popo, how could you do such a thing?
00:44Well, I took a piece of paper and I put it in my tie.
00:47You can joke about exposing David's secret mission to millions?
00:51Patty, Mr. Matson is not coming here on a secret mission.
00:54He's just stopping by on his way to Tokyo to give Kathy regards from her father.
00:59You really don't know too much about how international spies work, do you, Popo?
01:02Patty, I wish you'd stop all this foreign intrigue talk.
01:05Why?
01:06Because right this minute there are dozens of enemy agents listening in under the rug.
01:11Yeah, maybe this apple's bugged.
01:14Okay, you two can joke all you want.
01:17All I know is that spies have enemies and if they find out that...
01:20David's here.
01:21He just drove up.
01:22He's here.
01:23David's here!
01:27Young lady, I want you to remember something.
01:29David is here for rest and relaxation and it's our job to make him feel at home, okay?
01:35Of course, Popo.
01:36You can count on me.
01:37I'll do everything in my power to make him feel at home.
01:41Kathy!
01:42David's here!
01:46David.
01:47Kathy.
01:48Welcome to New York.
01:49How are you?
01:50How very nice to see you.
01:51Come in.
01:53Hello, Martin.
01:54Hello, David.
01:55I'm so kind of you to put me up.
01:57Oh, it's a pleasure.
01:58And this is Ross.
01:59Hello, Ross.
02:00Hi.
02:01And this is Kathy.
02:02Kathy.
02:03Hello, Mr. Madison.
02:04How are you?
02:05Just fine, thank you.
02:06Did you see my father before you left London?
02:07Indeed, I did.
02:08And he asked me to bring something for you.
02:09He did?
02:10Uh-huh.
02:11Here it is.
02:12I had a terrible time getting it out through customs.
02:14Say, where's your daughter?
02:16Oh, she'll be down in a moment.
02:18She's changing her dress.
02:20I have to warn you about Patty, David.
02:23She's convinced that you've come here on a secret spy mission, so...
02:26Martin, since James Bond, our lives have never been the same.
02:30As a matter of fact...
02:31Hello, there.
02:35How do you do, Mr. Madison?
02:37Welcome to America.
02:38And we intend to do everything possible to make you feel at home.
02:53Meet Kathy who's lived most everywhere
02:56From Zanzibar to Barclays Square
02:59But Patty's only seen the sights a girl can see from Brooklyn Heights
03:03What a crazy pair
03:05But they're cousins
03:08Identical cousins all the way
03:12One pair of matching bookends
03:15Different as night and day
03:18Where Kathy adores a minuet
03:21The ballet ruse and crepe suzette
03:24Our Patty loves to rock and roll
03:26The hot dog makes her lose control
03:28What a wild duet
03:30Still they're cousins
03:33Identical cousins than you'll find
03:37They laugh a lot, they walk a lot
03:39At times they even talk a lot
03:41You can lose your mind
03:43When cousins
03:46Are two of a kind
03:51Patty!
03:52Oh, hi, Ross.
03:54Are you going to go snooping around in David's room?
03:57Oh, no, no.
03:58But I'll bet nobody thought to give him fresh towels.
04:01You lose.
04:02Mom puts him in over an hour ago.
04:04Oh, I see.
04:05Well, I've got to go.
04:06Bye-bye.
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09:11Oh, I'm just positive he means to propose.
09:14But if I know David, he'll have to be coaxed.
09:19Yes.
09:22Oh, I don't know about...
09:27That's right.
09:29Well, I'm sure you will have no trouble.
09:31That's her.
09:33She doesn't look like a spy to me.
09:35Well, of course she doesn't look like a spy.
09:37If she looked like one, her value to the service
09:39would be useless.
09:40Well, of course.
09:40Everything is just going to be fine.
09:42I'll just tell you this.
09:44I have no intention of letting Mr. Madsen slip
09:46through my fingers this time.
09:48If he suspected I was out to trap him,
09:50there's no telling what he'd do.
09:53Well, I realize the risk I'm running,
09:54but he's only going to be in New York for one day,
09:56so I have to work fast.
09:59She's a double spy.
10:01She's working for both sides.
10:03No kidding.
10:04We've got to warn David.
10:06Yes.
10:07Well, all right.
10:08I'll speak to you later.
10:11Irene.
10:12David.
10:21Oh, you look great.
10:23More beautiful than ever.
10:26Are we lunching?
10:28How does a quiet little Hungarian restaurant sound?
10:31Dangerously intimate.
10:33But I'm willing to take my chances.
10:36Oh.
10:38Hey, Ross.
10:40What are you two doing here?
10:42I, uh, had to take Ross to the doctor.
10:46This doctor?
10:47Are you sure?
10:48Oh, of course I'm sure.
10:50Pye Ross has been going to Dr. Felser.
10:53Oops.
10:54Wrong Dr. Felser.
10:55Well, have a nice lunch.
11:03Oh, look at that.
11:04She's squeezing his arm.
11:05So what?
11:06She might be planting a homer on him.
11:07A what?
11:08Homer.
11:09It's a small piece of metal or a pin
11:10that sends signals back to enemy headquarters.
11:11If I could only get to him.
11:12Oh.
11:13Oh.
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12:00Oh.
12:01It's probably my imagination, but I've got a funny feeling I'm being watched.
12:08It's not your imagination at all. You are being watched.
12:12By who?
12:13Me.
12:14Silly.
12:16Shh.
12:43Thank you very much.
12:44Yeah, this is our stop.
12:50You and your big ideas.
12:51Ross, I don't pretend to be experienced at this, but at least we learned something.
12:54Yeah, never hide in the back of a truck.
12:57Lots of spies go through worse things than that.
12:59What's this?
13:00Ross, do me a favor and button up.
13:02You're one of the gabbiest spies I've ever met.
13:05Let's go.
13:09There's the restaurant.
13:10Let's go.
13:15You see them?
13:16Yeah. Come on, let's get in there fast.
13:18No, Ross. That woman's too dangerous. I'll have to take it alone from here.
13:21Aw, Jesus.
13:22I'm sorry, Ross, but it's better this way.
13:24If I'm not home by dawn, alert the authorities.
13:37Good afternoon, madame.
13:38Good afternoon.
13:39May I help you?
13:40Yes, I'd like a table for one, please.
13:42Oh, I'm so sorry, but we cannot seat singles.
13:45You must have an escort.
13:47An escort? I'll be right back.
13:51Oh, Ross.
13:52Is it over already?
13:53No. Come on, I need you. Hurry up.
13:59This is my escort.
14:02I'm sorry, young man, but you will have to put on a tie.
14:05It's all right.
14:07Sir, we don't have a time. We don't have time to get.
14:09This is an emergency. Every minute counts.
14:11All right, all right, all right. Calm down.
14:15We keep ties. For customers.
14:18Thank you, sir. You've just done a great service to your country.
14:21One moment, please.
14:23Allow me.
14:42Do you wish to order now, please?
14:44Yeah, sure.
14:45I can't read this thing. It's all in French.
14:47It's Hungarian. Would you like me to translate?
14:49Uh, no, never mind. Just bring us two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
14:53Young lady, this is a Hungarian restaurant.
14:56We serve Hungarian food, Hungarian style.
14:59Oh, okay, then just bring us two Hungarian peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
15:06It's too far away. I wish we were at a different table.
15:08I wish we were at a different restaurant.
15:10This time it's choking me.
15:12Would you like to look at the menu, sir?
15:14Oh, we won't need the menu for dessert.
15:16Uh, two chocolate mousse, please.
15:18Very good, sir.
15:19Oh, that's what we always had in London. You remember it.
15:21How could I forget? I gained ten pounds.
15:27Istvan.
15:29Two chocolate mousse for table number one.
15:32I've got to get to David before it's too late.
15:34Well, you better work fast. Here comes their dessert.
15:48Wait here.
15:50You know, coming over on the plane,
15:52I was remembering all the wonderful times we had at Brighton.
15:55Oh, yes.
15:57What ever happened to all those pictures you took of me?
16:00You won't believe this.
16:05Why didn't you have them developed?
16:07I'll tell you why.
16:11I forgot.
16:13Oh, David, is that all you think of me?
16:15Not at all, Irene.
16:17In fact, I feel...
16:24I feel that someone's trying to tell me something,
16:26and I think I know who.
16:36Irene, let's skip dessert. I'm beginning to feel closed in.
16:39All right.
16:41Check, please.
16:45Yes, sir.
16:47Thank you, sir.
16:50Where are they going? Didn't he get my message?
16:52Maybe he ate it without reading it.
16:56I've got an idea.
17:02I'll get you a coat.
17:03Okay, I'll be right back.
17:04All right.
17:06A mess.
17:09Hello?
17:18David.
17:20Why are you following me?
17:21David, you're in terrible danger.
17:22That woman is an enemy counter-spy.
17:24Irene?
17:25Uh-huh. We heard her talking in the doctor's office.
17:27She said she's out to trap you.
17:29Yeah, and she's not gonna let you slip through her fingers this time.
17:32Well, that's information I can use.
17:35Good. What do you want us to do now?
17:37Go home and leave me alone with her.
17:39No, David. I know you're trying to protect us from danger.
17:41But we're in this together. Right, Ross? Right.
17:43Now, wait.
17:44No! It's the end of time, David. Right, Ross? Right.
17:47I'm waiting for you, honest.
17:48Now, Patty, for the last time, will you please go home and let me handle this by myself?
17:52Wild horses couldn't drag us from your side.
17:56You will.
17:58I guess I'll have to include you in my, uh, plans.
18:03Now, listen carefully.
18:06This is what she's after,
18:08and it's got to be delivered for developing without delay.
18:11Right. Where?
18:12Do you know the camera shop south of where you live?
18:14Um, the Sherwood, uh, 6th and River Street.
18:17Precisely.
18:18Right. Is that the drop-off?
18:19Right.
18:20Okay. We'll get it there, and we'll be back in no time.
18:22Oh, no. Did you forget we've got to throw the enemy off the track?
18:26Look.
18:36You mean, he's working with them?
18:39Well, uh, he doesn't work for us.
18:45Now, we've got to convince them you're not on a secret mission.
18:49How do we do that?
18:50We'll use Plan M.
18:53Plan M?
18:54We've got to make the enemy agents think you're just a couple of ordinary kids
18:57out for an ordinary Saturday afternoon of fun and frolic.
19:01Oh, okay.
19:02Now, first, you'll go directly to the malt shop two blocks south of here.
19:06Wait a minute. There's no malt shop two blocks south of here.
19:09There's one three blocks the other way.
19:11I know. I was testing you.
19:14You'll order two jumbo banana splits.
19:16Now, the important thing is to act as if you're really enjoying the Sundays.
19:20You think you can?
19:22We can sure try.
19:24Now, as soon as you finish the banana splits,
19:27move on to the cinema closest to the malt shop.
19:29The Globe.
19:30You're on your toes, Ross.
19:31Go in and watch the double feature.
19:34As soon as it's over, proceed to the camera shop,
19:36drop the film, and then go home.
19:39That's it.
19:41Come on.
19:42Come on.
19:58Finish your lunch just as if nothing's happened,
20:00then full steam ahead with plan M.
20:03It should come off perfectly if you follow these instructions.
20:06Check. Commit that to memory.
20:08Now, this is for expenses.
20:11Good luck.
20:12Thank you, David.
20:13I know you'll get through.
20:18Got that down yet?
20:19Uh-huh.
20:23I'm sorry, but there is no peanut butter.
20:41Why do you suppose he did that?
20:43Why not? He's a waiter.
20:45Yeah, but we still had water in our glasses.
20:47Maybe he was trying to eavesdrop.
20:48You mean he's one of them?
20:50I don't know, but let's not take any chances. Let's go.
21:03Get two tickets.
21:12Yeah. Yeah.
21:15Yeah.
21:18Yeah.
21:22Now what?
21:24After we see the double feature,
21:26we head for the camera shop, and we drop off the...
21:37What?
21:39I can't find the film. It's not in my purse.
21:42Of course not. You transferred it to your coat pocket, remember?
21:46Oh, boy. What a relief.
21:48I think of how vital it is. If I ever lost it, I'd kill myself.
21:51Maybe you'd better let me take care of it.
21:53No, I'll...
21:54You dropped it.
21:56Where is it?
21:57It must have rolled under another seat.
21:59We've got to find it. That's long for a day.
22:02I know. I know.
22:03Hey, mister, could you move your foot, please?
22:06Your foot, mister.
22:07Excuse me.
22:08What's going on?
22:09Excuse me.
22:16No, it's...
22:18I'm sorry.
22:22I'm sorry.
22:27No, I can't see a thing.
22:33Hey, what's going on here? What's all this commotion?
22:36Are you the manager?
22:37Yes.
22:38You've got to turn on the lights.
22:39I'm out of them.
22:40And we can't tell you what is a matter of life and death.
22:42Oh, please, turn on the lights, mister, please.
22:44Calm down. As soon as the picture's over, put the lights on.
22:47No, we can't wait.
22:48Then come back tomorrow. It'll be turned into the lost and found.
22:51No, if it's found, we'll also...
22:52Please, please, please, mister, please.
22:54Now will you be quiet?
22:56Will you turn on the lights?
22:58Don't pipe down. I'm going to call the police.
23:00Good. We can use them here.
23:07Oh, my God!
23:15If Patty and Ross hadn't revealed Irene's, uh, intentions,
23:19I might never have gotten up enough nerve to propose.
23:22You know, I'd love to see those two happy little secret agents.
23:25Banana splits and double features.
23:27Certainly pay your assistant spy as well, David.
23:29Yeah, Irene, if you're going to get David to the airport on time.
23:32Yes, we'd better hurry.
23:33All right.
23:35Say goodbye to Patty for me and, uh,
23:37don't tell her the truth about the mission.
23:39It might break her heart.
23:40Oh, I'm sure she's caught on by now.
23:42She's just playing a game.
23:44There she is, officer. Arrest that woman for enemy espionage.
23:47Come on, missy.
23:48May I have a word with you, please?
24:00No, David, we need help. Don't go, officer.
24:02Oh, Patty, Patty, I've got the situation well in hand.
24:05Miss, uh, Wilson is accompanying me to the airport as my prisoner.
24:09Thanks in no small part to you and Ross.
24:12Oh.
24:16Will she get a long sentence?
24:17A life term.
24:19If I have anything to say about it.
24:22Well, I'm, uh, terribly sorry it had to end this way, Miss Wilson.
24:26But I really don't think you were cut out to be a spy.
24:29You don't think so?
24:30No, but don't feel bad.
24:32You see, when it comes to spying,
24:35some of us have it and some of us don't.
24:39Stiff upper lip.
25:01But they're cousins
25:04Identical cousins
25:06And you'll find
25:09They laugh alike, they walk alike
25:11At times they even talk alike
25:13You can lose your mind
25:16When cousins
25:18Are two of a kind