TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | Episode aired 26 February 1964
Cathy gets in over her head when she purchases a vacuum cleaner from a door to door salesman. Patty steps in to help but soon both of them end up on the wrong side of the law.
Director: Stanley Prager
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Cathy gets in over her head when she purchases a vacuum cleaner from a door to door salesman. Patty steps in to help but soon both of them end up on the wrong side of the law.
Director: Stanley Prager
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Good morning.
00:01Good morning.
00:02Is the lady of the house at home?
00:03No.
00:04I'm afraid she's out.
00:05Out?
00:06What a pity.
00:07Opportunity knocked and she missed it.
00:08May I help you?
00:09I'm Mrs. Lane's niece.
00:10Well, my name is Hanson.
00:11I am vice president of the Magic Midget Vacuum Cleaner Company.
00:12And I was bringing her a once-in-a-lifetime offer.
00:13Well, this is her unlucky day.
00:14Just a moment, Mr. Hanson.
00:15Do come in.
00:16I'm Mrs. Lane's niece.
00:17And I was bringing her a once-in-a-lifetime offer.
00:18Well, this is her unlucky day.
00:19Just a moment, Mr. Hanson.
00:20Do come in.
00:21I'm Mrs. Lane's niece.
00:22And I was bringing her a once-in-a-lifetime offer.
00:23Well, this is her unlucky day.
00:24Just a moment, Mr. Hanson.
00:25Do come in.
00:26Aunt Natalie did mention she needed a vacuum cleaner.
00:27She did?
00:28Yes.
00:29Just before she went out shopping this morning.
00:30She has a birthday coming up.
00:31And I'd like to buy her a vacuum cleaner as a present.
00:32Well, now, this is your aunt's lucky day.
00:33It's very attractive.
00:34Is it a good one?
00:35Forgive me for asking.
00:36But I don't know much about vacuum cleaners.
00:37I'm glad you asked that question.
00:38So is your alertness.
00:39It's very attractive.
00:40Is it a good one?
00:41Forgive me for asking.
00:42But I don't know much about vacuum cleaners.
00:43I'm glad you asked that question.
00:45So is your alertness.
00:46It's very attractive.
00:47Is it a good one?
00:48Forgive me for asking.
00:49But I don't know much about vacuum cleaners.
00:50I'm glad you asked that question.
00:51So is your alertness.
00:52Now, that's good.
00:53No one will ever take advantage of you.
00:54Now, the Magic Midget is one of the marvels of our age.
00:55May I give you a little demonstration?
00:56Yes.
00:57May I impose upon you, please?
00:58What are you doing?
00:59Oh, don't worry.
01:00I'm just giving the Magic Midget his magic powder.
01:01What are you doing?
01:02Oh, don't worry.
01:03I'm just giving the Magic Midget his magic powder.
01:04What are you doing?
01:05Oh, don't worry.
01:06I'm just giving the Magic Midget his magic powder.
01:07What are you doing?
01:10Oh, don't worry, I'm just giving the magic midget his breakfast.
01:14Now, you watch this.
01:15From now on, your aunt will be able to spend her mornings in bed, afternoons at the beauty
01:25parlor, and her evenings at the opera.
01:27By this marvelous contrivance, we'll free her from the drudgery of her household chores.
01:32I'll buy it, if it isn't too expensive.
01:36It's only $29.50.
01:37Isn't that very inexpensive?
01:38I'm glad you asked me that question.
01:41Oh, I can see it's going to be a pleasure doing business with you.
01:44Now, the magic midget sells far below any other brand on the market today.
01:48Now, how can we afford to practically give this machine away?
01:52Low overhead.
01:53I'll go get the money.
01:56Just a moment.
01:57You haven't seen everything yet.
01:59Now, you won't want to give your aunt this beautiful magic midget without this marvelous
02:06handy, this beautiful drape-cleaning attachment.
02:11That is beautiful.
02:12Yes, it is.
02:13And this one here, now this will clean your walls.
02:16And this one here, this will clean the couches.
02:20Come to the sofa with that.
02:22And this one will clean your dog.
02:24I've got one here that will clean your clothes.
02:27I've got another one here that will clean inside your dressing room.
02:38Here's Kathy who's lived most everywhere.
02:41From Zanzibar to Barkley Square.
02:44But Patty's only seen the sights a girl can see from Brooklyn Heights.
02:48What a crazy pair.
02:50But they're cousins.
02:53Identical cousins all the way.
02:57One pair of matching bookends.
03:00Different as night and day.
03:03Where Kathy adores a minuet.
03:06The ballet Russe and Crepe Suzette.
03:09Our Patty loves to rock and roll.
03:11A hot dog makes her lose control.
03:13What a wild duet.
03:15Still they're cousins.
03:19Identical cousins and you'll find.
03:23They laugh alike.
03:24They walk alike.
03:25At times they even talk alike.
03:27You can lose your mind.
03:29When cousins are two of a kind.
03:39Hi, Gus.
03:41What's the matter with you?
03:43You look like you're about to rain.
03:45Oh, Patty, I've done the most awful thing.
03:48You?
03:49You couldn't do anything awful.
03:51Everybody's always holding up to me as an example.
03:54What did you do?
03:55As you would say, I goofed.
03:59Salesman came to the door this morning selling vacuum cleaners.
04:03I wanted to buy one for your mother.
04:05And he said it was only $29.50.
04:07So I bought it.
04:09What's the matter with that?
04:10Sounds like a great buy.
04:12With all the attachments and the sales tax.
04:15Came to $145.
04:18Patty, I don't have $145.
04:22You know something?
04:24What?
04:25You goofed.
04:27Don't worry, we'll get you out of it.
04:30We'll make him take it back.
04:31Where is it?
04:32He's delivering it tomorrow.
04:34I bought so much that he has to send it in a truck.
04:37I already gave him a $25 deposit.
04:40He's not taking anything back, Patty.
04:42He's a great salesman.
04:44So am I.
04:45You have to know how to handle people like that.
04:47Do you really think you could get him to cancel the order and give me my money back?
04:50It's a cinch.
04:51You just relax.
04:53The old master is at work.
05:00Kathy, I have to handle this myself.
05:03You wait upstairs.
05:04Are you sure?
05:05Have I ever steered you wrong?
05:07Yes.
05:08Oh.
05:14Good morning, young lady.
05:16Nice to see you again.
05:18Nice to see you again, Mr...
05:21Hanson.
05:22Hanson, of course.
05:23Well, I believe this is everything.
05:25Congratulations.
05:26You're going to make your aunt a very happy woman.
05:30Mr. Hanson, I've been thinking it over.
05:33And I've decided that I'm going to give my aunt a birthday card instead.
05:37I don't want this.
05:38I don't want this.
05:41I've decided that I'm going to give my aunt a birthday card instead.
05:44I don't want this.
05:45But you ordered all this.
05:47I've changed my mind.
05:49Well, I'm afraid it's a little too late for that.
05:51Mr. Hanson, I want my deposit back.
05:54And if I don't get it, I'm going to call...
05:55Not give it to you?
05:57Now, what kind of a company do you think you're doing business with?
06:00You mean she can have...
06:02I mean, I can have my money back?
06:05Well, of course.
06:07Our company deals only with satisfied customers.
06:10Well, if I can have my money back, then I'm a satisfied customer.
06:14And I must admit, this neighborhood certainly had me fooled.
06:19I don't understand.
06:22It's a good neighborhood.
06:23Oh, that's just what I mean.
06:25You know, sometimes we move into homes that we can't afford.
06:28Get in over our heads.
06:29You know, trying to keep up with the Joneses.
06:31Oh, there's nothing to be ashamed of.
06:33I'm sure your family is just having a temporary financial setback.
06:38A temporary financial...
06:41Mr. Hanson, I'll have you know that my family can afford anything the Joneses can afford.
06:47More.
06:48My father is very successful.
06:49He happens to be...
06:50I'm sorry.
06:51I couldn't sell all this stuff to you now.
06:53My conscience wouldn't allow it.
06:55Now, if things are really bad, there are some welfare agencies that...
06:59Just a minute, Mr. Hanson.
07:01Let me tell you something.
07:03It's okay.
07:04You don't have to come up with $145 anymore.
07:08Good.
07:09It's $165.
07:11I bought another $20 worth of accessories.
07:14You what?
07:15I had to do it, Kathy.
07:16The honor of the family was at stake.
07:19Either that or he's the greatest salesman I've ever met.
07:21Kathy, we have to find him and make him take this back.
07:24Forget it.
07:25I signed the order and wrote in it that I was over 18 so it would be legal.
07:30I wanted to make sure he couldn't take it back.
07:33I trusted you.
07:35The trick is not to panic.
07:37Do you know what we're going to do?
07:38Panic.
07:39We're going to go out and sell that stuff.
07:41Who'd want to buy it?
07:43I don't know.
07:44There must be some other suckers around someplace.
07:46I'm afraid Hanson makes a living at it.
07:48He's a salesman.
07:49So am I.
07:50If he can sell it, I can sell it.
07:52Come on.
07:53Patty, we can't just go out and sell vacuum cleaners.
07:56We're not.
07:57We're going out and sell one vacuum cleaner.
08:00And 10,000 attachments.
08:02No one's going to buy it from you.
08:04They're not buying it from me.
08:06They're buying it from the executive sales manager of the World Wide Vacuum Cleaner Company.
08:13Patty, you need a license to sell things.
08:15Who's going to know?
08:17This isn't our life's work.
08:18We're just doing it this once and then we're going straight.
08:25Can I help you?
08:26No, sir.
08:27We're here to help you.
08:28As a matter of fact, this is your lucky day, Mr. Rogers.
08:33We have here a little vacuum cleaner that...
08:36A vacuum cleaner?
08:37Patty, let's go.
08:38I was going downtown to buy one Saturday.
08:41Well, we're going to save you that trip, Mr. Rogers.
08:45Come in.
08:49Is it a good vacuum cleaner?
08:52I'm glad you asked me that question.
08:54This is the greatest electronic model of the age.
08:57We'll give you a demonstration.
08:58Patty?
09:06How about that?
09:08That's great.
09:09How much is it?
09:10$29.50.
09:12With the attachments, it's $155.
09:15Isn't that a lot?
09:17Mr. Rogers.
09:21Do you know what you're getting here?
09:23This isn't just a vacuum cleaner.
09:25It's a way of life.
09:26It's a vacuum cleaner.
09:27It's a vacuum cleaner.
09:28It's a vacuum cleaner.
09:29It's a vacuum cleaner.
09:30It's a vacuum cleaner.
09:31It's a vacuum cleaner.
09:32It's a vacuum cleaner.
09:33It's a vacuum cleaner.
09:34It's a vacuum cleaner.
09:35Besides, it will clean your rugs, your drapes,
09:37take the lint off your suit.
09:38It will clean your dog, climb ceilings,
09:40go around corners, scratching furs, your fluff...
09:44What did you say?
09:45I said I'd buy it.
09:46It's my wife's birthday.
09:47She's been wanting one.
09:48Well, excuse me, I've got the money.
09:51Didn't I tell you it was easy?
09:53I can't believe it.
09:55Maybe that will teach you to have a little more confidence in me.
09:57I may be the greatest salesman of our time.
10:00Ah, Here's the money.
10:02You'll just give me a receipt? Why, where are you going?
10:05Ah, we, um, just remembered another appointment.
10:08What about the vacuum cleaner?
10:09Oh, you wouldn't want to. We've been having an awful lot of trouble at the factory with it.
10:12We'll come back when we have the bugs ironed out. Bye!
10:18Patty, we'd better stop this. We're going to get into trouble.
10:21Oh, we can't quit now. We have to get rid of this stuff.
10:24Who do you think you're going to sell it to?
10:26Whose name is on the bell?
10:28Mr. J. Appleton.
10:30Bingo! Ring it.
10:36What do you want?
10:38We want you, Mrs. Appleton.
10:40May we?
10:46Oh, we're just moving in here.
10:48It's lucky for you that we came along.
10:50I'm the executive sales manager of the Worldwide Vacuum Company.
10:53This is my assistant.
10:55And this is a magic midget.
10:58It can do anything.
11:00I don't need a vacuum cleaner, and I'm busy.
11:02Oh, I can see that.
11:04Do you know how long it would take you to clean this apartment without a vacuum cleaner?
11:07How?
11:08But with a magic midget, this place could be cleaned up in no time.
11:11Patty?
11:21Miss?
11:22Miss!
11:25What are you doing?
11:26I'm glad you asked me that question.
11:29No need to worry, Mrs. Appleton.
11:31The magic midget will pick this up in a jiffy.
11:33Stop that!
11:36This is really going to open your eyes.
11:38A little more dirtier.
11:40You clean that right up.
11:42That's exactly what I intend to do, Mrs. Appleton.
11:47Where's the outlet?
11:49There's no electricity.
11:57Oh.
12:07Look at that.
12:08I'm a nervous wreck.
12:10Let's go home, please.
12:12Let's try it one more time, hmm?
12:17It's mine.
12:20Yes?
12:21May I help you?
12:23You don't want to buy a vacuum cleaner, do you?
12:25No, I'm afraid not, but thank you so much for asking me.
12:29That's perfectly all right, Mrs. Smith.
12:31We didn't mean to disturb you.
12:33We just thought that the magic midget was so marvelous.
12:36What is your burden?
12:38Well, you're from England.
12:40How did you guess?
12:42My dear child, you can't fool an old Britisher like me.
12:46Well, don't stand in the drafty hallway and do come in.
12:49What part of England are you from?
12:51I cleared the Brooklyn Heights.
12:54Oh, it's such a pleasure to hear his civilized accent again.
12:58You know, I've been living here for 20 years,
13:00and I still can't understand a word the Americans say.
13:03It's a beastly bore, isn't it?
13:05Well, as I said to Ronnie, that's my son,
13:08we should have kept it as a colony.
13:10The shopping is marvelous.
13:12Quite.
13:13And links from right to your door.
13:15It's rightly convenient.
13:16May I offer you a spot of tea?
13:18No, thank you.
13:20We must go.
13:21Patricia?
13:23Yes, we've had our tea, thank you.
13:25We're really much pushing on, you know.
13:27Oh, pity.
13:28Dear tea.
13:29Quite.
13:30Stop!
13:31If I'm not being too inquisitive,
13:33what is it that you're selling?
13:36Oh, this?
13:37It's nothing, really.
13:39Oh, it's a vacuum cleaner.
13:42Yes, it's quite good, actually.
13:44Well, how much is it?
13:46We paid $155 for it.
13:48But we'll sell it to you for $155.
13:51Well, if it will assist you girls, I shall purchase it.
13:54Do you mean it?
13:55Of course I mean it.
13:57It's the least I can do for a fellow countryman.
13:59Hear me!
14:00What?
14:01That is to say, hello.
14:03Shall we say $140?
14:07Well, it's nice to see such joy around.
14:10Do you want to let us in on it?
14:13We're just happy, Uncle Martin.
14:15Yeah, I can see that.
14:17Where have you two been all day?
14:19I haven't seen you.
14:21We just had to get rid of something.
14:24Oh, I see.
14:25I see.
14:26I see.
14:27I see.
14:28I see.
14:29I see.
14:30I see.
14:31I see.
14:32I see.
14:33I see.
14:34I see.
14:36Hmm.
14:38Hey, looks like my editorial is finally bringing results.
14:42What do you mean, dear?
14:43Remember the editorial I wrote last week on the, uh,
14:46phony door-to-door salesmen who cheat housewives?
14:49Well, the police are beginning to crack down on them.
14:53Uh, seems to be a new teenage gang operating.
14:56Policemen reported that two teenage girls tried to sell them a vacuum cleaner.
15:02A woman reported that two teenage girls came in and ruined her apartment and then fled.
15:09According to a third report, the girls seem to be two English girls.
15:14More coffee?
15:15No, thanks.
15:16It's a good dinner, though.
15:18Well, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to do some work.
15:22You know, I think I'm going to crack down on this teenage gang.
15:25I wouldn't be surprised if there was a Fagin behind them,
15:27supplying them with materials and putting up the money.
15:30It could be just two innocent teenagers.
15:32I doubt that.
15:34Anyway, the police will catch up with them.
15:41Aren't you going to finish your cake, Kathy?
15:45No, thank you.
15:46I'm not very hungry.
15:48Excuse me.
15:50Neither am I.
15:51Excuse me.
15:53Boy, I wish I had a tape recorder in their room.
15:56Oh, get it.
15:59What are we going to do?
16:01We're going to go out and buy the vacuum cleaner back.
16:03Then we'll be stuck with it again.
16:05It's better than having our pictures plastered in every post office.
16:08When we get it back, we'll throw ourselves on the mercy of the father figure.
16:15Should I help you with the dishes, Mom?
16:17Well, that's very sweet of you, Ross.
16:19Or should I go to the patrol meeting?
16:20We're studying knots and I'm bringing the rope.
16:22The dishes.
16:24Mom, without a rope.
16:26Oh, I'm only teasing.
16:27Of course, you go on to the patrol meeting.
16:29But it was a touching offer, son.
16:31I'll help with the dishes tomorrow night, Mom.
16:33You run along.
16:34And don't get home late.
16:35I won't.
16:36Bye.
16:39Say, did Patty and Kathy go out?
16:41Yes.
16:42They must have been in a big hurry.
16:44It's funny, I had the feeling that Patty wanted to talk to me tonight.
16:47About what?
16:48I don't know.
16:49But she had that, hi, Papa, were you in a good mood look on her face.
16:53I have a feeling that she's painted herself into another corner.
16:57I don't think it's anything serious.
17:00Yeah, you're probably right.
17:02You know, we're pretty lucky.
17:04I mean, they're both such nice girls.
17:06Just think, they could have turned out like those teenage racketeers who are victimizing the neighborhood.
17:10Thank heavens we don't have anything like that to worry about.
17:15Would you like me to help you with the dishes?
17:17Yes, I would.
17:19Or would you like me to write my editorial so it makes the next edition?
17:25I'll help you with the dishes.
17:31Why don't you go in and buy a bag from her?
17:33You speak her language.
17:36Maybe this isn't such a good idea.
17:38Do you know how many post offices there are in this country?
17:42So, you've come back to the scene of your crime.
17:46Yes, ma'am.
17:48May we come in?
17:57I was shocked when I read of you two victimizing the city.
18:00You should be ashamed of yourselves.
18:02We are, Mrs. Smythe.
18:04That's why we're here.
18:05We want you to know.
18:07We are, Mrs. Smythe.
18:09That's why we're here.
18:10We want to buy back the vacuum cleaner.
18:12Buy it back?
18:14Yes, ma'am.
18:15You see, we didn't have any right to sell it to you.
18:18Well, now I don't know.
18:20I've become very attached to that vacuum cleaner.
18:23Here's $140 back.
18:25Oh, I couldn't part with it for that.
18:28What do you mean?
18:29Well, it's such a pretty little machine.
18:31I couldn't part with it for under $150.
18:38Mrs. Appleton.
18:40In here.
18:48You've got the electricity back on.
18:50Not for you, it isn't.
18:51First you get a broom and dustpan,
18:53and then you start using soap and water.
19:03You know, Kathy,
19:04he was right.
19:05Who was right?
19:07The man who first said crime doesn't pay.
19:10I can feel muscles I never knew I had before.
19:13Even my aches have aches.
19:15I'm sorry, Patty.
19:16All this was my fault.
19:18I should never have dragged you into it.
19:20You didn't drag me, I jumped.
19:23I have the kooky knack for taking a little bit of trouble
19:26and turning it into a disaster.
19:28What are we going to do?
19:29Well, there's always the far and the near.
19:31What are we going to do?
19:33Well, there's always the far and the near.
19:36Perhaps I could borrow some money from Ross.
19:38Old flint heart?
19:39Forget it.
19:42No.
19:44What we need is something daring.
19:47Patty.
19:48Imaginative.
19:49Patty.
19:50Bold.
19:51Patty.
19:52Yeah?
19:53No.
19:54That's how we got in all this trouble, being bold.
19:56Do you have any better ideas?
19:58Yes.
19:59We're going to see your father.
20:00You don't have many ideas, do you?
20:02At least it's honest.
20:04I'm going to see him.
20:05Are you coming with me?
20:09You know I am.
20:10I can't let you go into the lion's den alone.
20:13Your father's very understanding, Patty.
20:15Oh, that's what I'm afraid of.
20:16He'll understand the whole thing.
20:20I hope he's in a good mood.
20:21There's only one way to find out.
20:23Yeah, we could write a letter and ask him.
20:27How about this?
20:29Papa, do you want to laugh?
20:32We want it.
20:38Let's play it by ear.
20:39Come on.
20:48Papa, are you in a good mood?
20:51Try me.
20:55How much do you need?
20:59We don't need money.
21:00We need mercy.
21:02Uncle Martin,
21:04you know that editorial you're going to write?
21:07Yeah.
21:09Well, if it's all the same to you,
21:12could you write about something else?
21:15I don't understand.
21:16What's my editorial got to do with you?
21:20We happen to be
21:21that teenage English gang the police have been looking for.
21:25Your what?
21:29We didn't plan it.
21:30It just turned out that way.
21:33You see,
21:34I bought a vacuum cleaner from Aunt Natalie.
21:37And I'm afraid I got in over my head.
21:40And you went out and sold it to get your money back?
21:43And when you told us about your editorial,
21:46we went out and bought it back again.
21:48Yeah.
21:49And each time we managed to lose a little money on the deal.
21:52And now you have the vacuum cleaner back.
21:54Yeah.
21:55And a thousand attachments.
21:58Well, what do you expect me to do?
22:00Well, when the man comes for the money tomorrow,
22:03could you explain to him that Kathy and I are minors?
22:06I signed a paper saying I was over 18.
22:08But it isn't true, so he can't hold us to the deal.
22:12Papa, please get Kathy's deposit back.
22:17Is the vacuum cleaner any good?
22:19It's great.
22:23If there's electricity.
22:28I'm not going to ask him to take it back.
22:30You're not?
22:31No, because there's a good lesson in this for both of you.
22:34Papa, we've learned it.
22:36Now the fact that you signed a piece of paper saying you were over 18
22:40does not make the contract binding.
22:42It's still up to the seller not to do business with a minor.
22:45You mean all this time we had nothing to worry about?
22:47No, you had something very important to worry about.
22:50You made a deal with someone.
22:52You might not have been legally bound,
22:54but you were morally bound.
22:56If he sold you a good product at a fair price,
22:58he had every right to expect you to go through with the deal.
23:02What do you mean?
23:03I'm glad you do, because we're going to keep the vacuum cleaner.
23:06Make a nice birthday present for your mother.
23:08But Papa, we'll never be able to pay for it.
23:12Well, I'll underwrite the venture,
23:13and you can pay me back in easy installments.
23:16Thank you, Uncle Martin.
23:18Papa, you're the greatest.
23:21Just do me one favor.
23:23Anything.
23:24Don't answer the door anymore.
23:26Okay.
23:34Hurry up, she'll be home any minute.
23:36I've never seen so much junk before in my life.
23:38How clean can a house get?
23:40It's better than using soap and water.
23:42Now remember, when she gets here, try to look natural,
23:44and we'll surprise her with all of the attachments at once.
23:47Right.
23:49Peach, come.
23:56Hi, Mama.
23:57Hi, Mom.
23:58Hello, Aunt Natalie.
23:59Hi, Aunt.
24:00Hello.
24:02Why don't you sit down and relax?
24:04All right, just let me get out of my coat.
24:10Let's bring it on when she comes back.
24:11Okay, everybody pick up an attachment.
24:13I'd have been home earlier, but I stopped to do some shopping.
24:16Isn't it beautiful?
24:18It's called a magic midget, and when you...
24:22I love the attachment.
24:27Oh, no.
24:46Here's Kathy who's lived most everywhere
24:49From Santa Far to Barkley Square
24:52But Patty's only seen the sights
24:54Only a girl can see from Brooklyn Heights
24:56What a crazy pair
24:58But they're cousins
25:01Identical cousins and you'll find
25:05They laugh alike, they walk alike
25:07At times they even talk alike
25:09You can lose your mind
25:11When cousins are two of a kind