TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | Episode aired 1 January 1964
Now that Uncle Kenneth (Cathy's father) has made it home and been fired from his job, Patty and Cathy scheme to get him rehired.
Director: Stanley Prager
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Now that Uncle Kenneth (Cathy's father) has made it home and been fired from his job, Patty and Cathy scheme to get him rehired.
Director: Stanley Prager
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Oh, hi, Pete.
00:03Hi.
00:04How was Christmas?
00:05Fine.
00:06I got a flamethrower, a jet plane, a platoon of artillery, and a bicycle.
00:12A bicycle?
00:13Yeah.
00:14How was your Christmas?
00:15Don't ask.
00:16Boy, it's grim around here.
00:18Every time you open your mouth, somebody tries to snap your head off.
00:21Why?
00:22My Uncle Kenneth flew in from Europe.
00:24He's a foreign correspondent.
00:25He works for my dad's paper.
00:27Well, a publisher, old J.R. Monster Castle, fired him.
00:31At Christmas time?
00:32Yeah.
00:33J.R. stands for Just Rotten.
00:36Come on.
00:37Let's get out of here.
00:38What's all that?
00:39My Christmas presents.
00:40I'm going to do a little trading.
00:45Coffee?
00:46Yeah, thanks.
00:47Where is everybody?
00:49Well, Ross is out trading his Christmas presents.
00:52Patty and Kathy are in their room putting up diabolical plots against J.R. Castle, and Kenneth is asleep.
00:59Poor Ken.
01:00It's not going to feel much like celebrating New Year's Eve this year.
01:03Neither am I.
01:04I think it's inexcusable for J.R. to have fired your brother at Christmas.
01:08It's his newspaper.
01:09He can do as he likes with it.
01:13It's his newspaper, but it's my father.
01:16I'm not going to let Mr. Castle get away with it, Patty.
01:19How are you going to stop him?
01:20He's already done it.
01:21Father loves being a foreign correspondent for the Chronicle.
01:24It's been his whole life.
01:26Papa says your dad can go to work on any newspaper in New York.
01:29If he wanted to be cooped up in an office, he'd hate that.
01:33He may have to get used to it.
01:34Not if we use our imaginations.
01:37We have to think of something that will make Mr. Castle higher, Father, again.
01:40Kathy, you don't know J.R. like I do.
01:42He makes Scrooge look like Santa Claus.
01:46I know one way to get him.
01:47He's very susceptible to flattery.
01:49What is there to flatter him about?
01:51What difference does it make?
01:52Tell him what a great publisher he is.
01:54He'll eat that up.
01:55If he were a great publisher, he would have given Father a bonus for what he did instead of firing him.
01:59A little soft soap can wash away a lot of problems.
02:04I could never flatter Mr. Castle.
02:06I would choke on the words.
02:15Morning, J.R.
02:16Good morning, Martin.
02:17I thought I'd pick you up so that we could ride over to the U.N. conference together.
02:22All right.
02:24J.R. is here, man your battle stations.
02:48Hey!
02:49Hey!
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03:34Good morning, Natalie...
03:36Good morning.
03:37Coffee?
03:38Yes, thank you.
03:41Cream?
03:42No.
03:43Sugar?
03:44No.
03:45No.
03:46Sugar?
03:47No.
03:48Very good coffee, Natalie.
03:51If I'd known you were coming, I'd have prepared it differently.
03:54Marquez has not become you, Natalie.
03:56I'm sorry.
03:57It's just that when I see a fine newspaper man like Kenneth fired
04:00because he used some imagination and went out and got a great story...
04:03Kenneth left his assignment without permission.
04:05Illegally entered a country in the middle of a revolution.
04:08Got the paper in trouble with the State Department.
04:11J.R.
04:12Why don't you take him back?
04:15Tell her, Martin.
04:17It's a fixed policy of the Chronicle.
04:19When a man has been fired, he's never rehired.
04:21That's ridiculous.
04:24Natalie, you keep making coffee and I'll keep running my newspaper.
04:29Excuse me.
04:35She seems disturbed.
04:37She can't stand anyone making a fuss over her coffee.
04:40I'll get my notes.
05:15Good morning, Mr. Castle.
05:29Good morning, Mr. Castle.
05:38Good morning, Mr. Castle.
05:40Good morning, Cathy.
05:42May I speak with you a moment?
05:44Are you also planning to tell me how to run my newspaper?
05:47Oh, I don't think anyone could tell you
05:48how to do that, Mr. Castle.
05:50You're the greatest publisher in the world.
05:52Who said so?
05:54Father.
05:54He's always saying that.
05:56He never said it to me.
05:57I think perhaps father's a bit afraid of you.
06:01Kenneth Lane afraid of me?
06:03He doesn't act that way.
06:04Why, he's the most disrespectful.
06:06That's because you make him nervous.
06:09He thinks of you as being on a high pinnacle.
06:12He said that?
06:13Often.
06:14He says the only real newspaper publisher left in the business
06:17is J.R. Castle.
06:19Is that so?
06:20I always thought he referred to me as Old Sour Lips.
06:24Old Sour Lips?
06:25Old Printed Ink, he always called you.
06:30He did?
06:31Oh, yes.
06:33He always says he could never work for anyone else.
06:36Where else would he find a warm, sympathetic genius
06:39like J.R. Castle to work for?
06:42Young lady, I can't tell you what an impression
06:44this little talk has made on me.
06:46Has it?
06:47Indeed, it has.
06:49I'm ready, J.R.
06:51Oh, Kathy, would you give your father a message for me?
06:55I'd like to hear that.
06:57Certainly, Uncle Martin.
06:59Just tell him I'll have lunch with him at 1 o'clock.
07:02If she gives her father that message,
07:04you're going to be dining alone.
07:06And you can give your uncle a message for me, young lady.
07:09You tell him Old Sour Lips says he's still fired.
07:12Oh.
07:19Boy, what a wuzza wuzza.
07:21What's a wuzza wuzza?
07:22J.R. Castle.
07:24You should have seen the deep freeze he just gave me.
07:26You should see the deep freeze he just gave me.
07:28And besides, there's nothing we can do about it.
07:31About what?
07:32About that wuzza wuzza.
07:34Yes, there is.
07:35When someone attacks my cousin Kathy, they're attacking me.
07:39Old Sour Lips isn't dealing with kids, you know.
07:41Your father's going to do everything
07:42he can to see that Uncle Kenneth gets his job back.
07:45I have a feeling that isn't enough, Mamo.
07:48It's going to take something diabolical.
07:50Such as what?
07:52I could get all my friends to cancel their subscriptions.
07:56That's three subscriptions.
07:58Don't wreck the newspaper.
07:59Your father's still the editor.
08:03Why don't you stop worrying about it, Patty?
08:06No.
08:07There must be a way to get to him.
08:09We have to find J.R.'s Achilles heel.
08:10That's all.
08:12And then?
08:15Hey, look at this.
08:16Rebel troops seized Kurdistan.
08:18General Mazim overthrows dictator.
08:21I always knew old Muzzy could do it.
08:23He's a good man.
08:24I spent a lot of time with him at his headquarters
08:26when he was hiding out in the mountains.
08:28I really got to know him.
08:30Perhaps if you told that to Mr. Castle.
08:32That old sour lips?
08:35Oh, I don't need him.
08:36I can always get a job.
08:41A desk job?
08:43Oh, what's the matter with that?
08:44You always said that a good newspaper man went out
08:46where the news was made, and that the hack stayed
08:49in the offices and put captions on history.
08:51Did I say that?
08:53I was lying.
08:55Now, that's all behind me.
08:57Now, Kit Kat, it'll be interesting working at a desk.
09:01Will it?
09:02Of course.
09:03It means that you and I can be together.
09:06That part of it would be wonderful.
09:08But if you were a foreign correspondent again,
09:10we'd be together anyway after I finished school.
09:13Now, I want you to stop worrying about it, honey.
09:16I mean, I'm going to enjoy settling down.
09:19We'll move into an apartment of our own.
09:21Maybe we can find a place down in the village.
09:23I'll have regular hours, 9 to 5.
09:28Get two-week vacation every year.
09:30We'll go back to the scenes of our crimes.
09:33Paris, Switzerland, Nairobi, Istanbul.
09:44In two weeks?
09:47It'll work out fine.
09:49You'll see.
09:53I'll come back for your tray.
10:02He'd be miserable at a desk job, Patty.
10:05He could go to work as a foreign correspondent
10:07on another newspaper.
10:08He loves the Chronicle.
10:11I think it hurt him very deeply when Mr. Castle fired him.
10:15He's very proud.
10:16Working for another newspaper isn't going to ease that hurt.
10:20Perhaps if I talk to Mr. Castle.
10:22You already did.
10:24What?
10:24I mean, I already did.
10:26Forget it.
10:27Old Castle's got a moat around him.
10:29You couldn't shake him loose with that.
10:33Yes, you could.
10:35Kathy, I know what to do.
10:39We fix one little detail, and J.R.
10:41has to hire your father back.
10:43What's the one little detail?
10:45Your father has to write a bestseller.
10:47What?
10:48It's J.R.'s Achilles heel.
10:50He's always bragging about my men
10:53who have stormed the citadel of the literary world
10:55and written bestselling books.
10:56The influence of working under a good newspaper publisher
10:59can't be emphasized enough.
11:01But father's never written a book.
11:03So what?
11:04He's the best foreign correspondent
11:06in the business, right?
11:07Right.
11:08He's had all kinds of fantastic adventures, right?
11:10Right.
11:11Last night, he kept us fascinated for hours,
11:13just telling us of a few of his experiences.
11:15All he has to do is put it down on paper.
11:18He'll be so famous, J.R. will come crawling to him
11:20to get him back.
11:21He could write about the time he had breakfast in the kitchen
11:24with the prime minister, or about the crap game
11:27with the shawl where 20 wives changed hands,
11:32or the time he escaped from the tribe of nomads in Tibet.
11:35It could be a great book, father.
11:37I've never written a book, Kit Kat.
11:39I'm afraid I just-
11:40I know you could do it, Uncle Kenneth.
11:43Listen, there's a big difference between being a reporter
11:45and sitting down and writing your memoirs.
11:48Will you try?
11:49Well, I...
11:51Well, I suppose I could try.
11:54We've done it again!
11:55You can work upstairs.
11:56We'll move in a desk for you, and some writing tablets
11:58and pencils, and a typewriter.
12:00And we'll be very quiet.
12:02I can't believe it.
12:04We have a best-selling author in the family.
12:13Beautiful.
12:14If I were a writer, my mouth would be watering.
12:17He can start right away.
12:18Boy, wait till old Sour Lips hears about this.
12:22The next step is to get the book published.
12:24It hasn't been written yet.
12:26You know your trouble.
12:27You worry too much about details.
12:30Let's get ready.
12:31Where are we going?
12:32To see an old buddy of mine.
12:33Who?
12:34The biggest publisher in the business, Bennett Blake.
12:41We'd like to see Mr. Bennett Blake, please.
12:44Do you have an appointment?
12:46We don't need an appointment.
12:47We're bringing him a best-seller.
12:49I see.
12:50Your name, please?
12:51Just tell him, Patty Lane and Kathy Lane.
12:55There are two young ladies here to see you, Mr. Blake.
12:58Kathy Lane and Patty Lane.
13:00Patty Lane and Kathy Lane?
13:05It certainly is lucky you're knowing Mr. Blake.
13:07Where do you know him from?
13:09I saw him interviewed on a TV show once.
13:11You saw him?
13:13Let's get out of here.
13:14Don't be silly.
13:16We're doing you a favor.
13:17How often does a best-seller come along?
13:18No, they don't have an appointment,
13:20but they're bringing you a best-seller.
13:22That's even better than an appointment, isn't it?
13:24Send them in.
13:27This way, ladies.
13:37Good morning, ladies.
13:40You're Bennett Blake.
13:42Whom are you expecting?
13:44My secretary tells me that you've brought a best-seller.
13:48We didn't exactly bring it.
13:50It's at home being written.
13:51Oh, it's an unwritten best-seller.
13:54Which one of you is the author?
13:55Neither of us.
13:56It's being written by my father.
13:58I take it this is his first book.
14:00Yes, it is.
14:01And you're here to get a publication contract
14:03and a big advance, right?
14:05How did you know?
14:07Because I have a file full of letters
14:08from people who want the same thing.
14:10I'm afraid there isn't much point in this, ladies.
14:13But you haven't heard about father's book yet.
14:15Don't.
14:16You look like nice girls.
14:18Let me give you some advice.
14:20There isn't any publisher that'll give
14:21an unpublished writer a contract for a book
14:24without a complete outline and at least two chapters.
14:27Written.
14:28But Uncle Kenneth's book is gonna be a great book.
14:31I wish Uncle Kenneth luck.
14:33All right.
14:34We'll just have to take foreign correspondent
14:36to another publisher.
14:37Do that.
14:38And I'll read it when it comes out.
14:39You'll find it on the best-seller list.
14:41Foreign correspondent by Kenneth Lane.
14:44Come on, Kathy.
14:46Bye.
14:47Wait.
14:48What did you say?
14:49I knew the title would get you.
14:51Nevermind the title.
14:52Are you talking about Kenneth Lane of the Chronicle?
14:55Yes.
14:56Oh, why didn't you say so?
14:58You didn't ask us.
15:00Do you know father?
15:01Everybody knows your father.
15:03I've been after Ken for years to do a book.
15:05You have?
15:07So he finally made up his mind.
15:09Well, I can't tell you how delighted I am.
15:11And he couldn't have sent two lovelier emissaries.
15:14He didn't exactly send.
15:17Rosalie, have a contract drawn up.
15:20Yes.
15:21Nonfiction.
15:22Title, foreign correspondent.
15:24Author, Kenneth Lane.
15:26Maximum advance.
15:27Yes.
15:28Delivery, three months?
15:32I don't know if...
15:33Sure, that'll be plenty of time.
15:35Three months, yes.
15:36Three months.
16:05Father?
16:07Just a minute.
16:14Come on in, honey.
16:19How's it going?
16:20Oh, fine.
16:21You know, it always takes a little time
16:23for these things to get rolling.
16:24I'm eager to read it.
16:26It's wonderful the way you've locked yourself in here.
16:28You've been working constantly.
16:29I'll bet you have a lot written.
16:32Kathy, you remember I said
16:35I didn't think I could write this book?
16:37And you were wrong, weren't you?
16:39Patty and I have a surprise for you.
16:41We got you a contract for your book with Bennett Blake.
16:45You didn't?
16:46Yes, we did.
16:47He was thrilled.
16:53I have a little surprise for you.
16:56When the contract comes, you can put it right in there.
17:06Father really tried to write that book, Patty,
17:08but it's the King's tallest newspaper training.
17:11He said he couldn't get past the title.
17:13All right, so we don't have a great author in the family.
17:16What's our next false move?
17:17I think it's too late.
17:19He made an appointment to see about a job
17:21on another newspaper.
17:22He can't do that.
17:23He belongs on the Chronicle.
17:25I tried to stop him, but I couldn't.
17:27He's doing it for me.
17:29Boy, that's when parents are the worst,
17:31when they're doing it for you.
17:32It took a miracle to get your father over here
17:34for Christmas.
17:35It's gonna take another miracle to get him back.
17:37Oh!
17:45Martin.
17:46Yeah, what is it, J.R.?
17:48Where's Kenneth?
17:50Kenneth who?
17:51Your brother, Kenneth.
17:52Oh, that Kenneth.
17:53Well, I think he's probably still at home.
17:55I don't think so.
17:56I don't think so.
17:57I don't think so.
17:58I don't think so.
17:59I don't think so.
18:00I don't think so.
18:00I don't think so.
18:01He's probably still at home.
18:02Why?
18:03Well, he's too good a man to be sitting at home.
18:05You tell him to get his bags packed
18:07and take a plane for Kurdistan tonight.
18:09You serious?
18:10Do I seem to be filled with irrepressible levity?
18:13Get your brother on a plane tonight.
18:15Kenneth doesn't work for the Chronicle any longer.
18:18You fired him.
18:19Oh, that was merely a gesture of protest
18:21against his flaunting of authority.
18:23Why, Kenneth is the best foreign correspondent in the field.
18:26He knows I wouldn't fire him.
18:28He does.
18:29Somehow I can't see you as a Santa Claus, J.R.
18:32Now, why don't you tell me what's going on?
18:34Well, we just got this telegram.
18:38It seems General Mazim is willing to give
18:40an exclusive story on the inside of the revolution to...
18:43To Ken.
18:44Yes.
18:45It seems that while General Mazim
18:46was hiding out in the mountains,
18:48he and Kenneth became fast friends.
18:49Well, well.
18:51So by disobeying your orders,
18:52Ken pulled off the story of the year.
18:55Well, we won't go into that now.
18:56No.
18:57Of course, all the other papers
18:59and press services are after this story.
19:01Of course.
19:02But we are not going to let it get away from us.
19:04This is a top story.
19:06Top general flees army, hides in mountains,
19:08and overthrows government.
19:10This is the sort of thing that Pulitzer Prizes are made of.
19:12You tell that to Kenneth.
19:14You tell it to him.
19:15What?
19:16You fired him.
19:18You rehire him.
19:23I'll see if he's upstairs.
19:24But, Martin, he's your brother.
19:26Don't you want to break the good news to him?
19:28No.
19:34Hello, Mr. Castle.
19:36Hello, Patty.
19:37I'm Kathy.
19:38Ah, I'm too wise a fox to be caught twice in the same trap.
19:42I've come to see your uncle.
19:44Isn't he at the newspaper office?
19:46What would he be doing at the newspaper office?
19:49He works there.
19:50You're talking about your father.
19:52I'm talking about your uncle.
19:54Hi there, Mr. Castle.
19:55Is Popo here?
19:59I detest this sort of chicanery.
20:02Chicanery?
20:04She's Patty.
20:06Yes, I know.
20:07I told you.
20:08You deliberately pretended to be you
20:11so that I would think it was her, and it didn't work.
20:15Hello, J.R.
20:17Martin said you wanted to see me.
20:19Kenneth, old boy, good to see you.
20:21You've been quite a stranger.
20:22I mean to say your paid vacation has done you the world of good.
20:26He looks fit, doesn't he, Martin?
20:28Oh, yes, fit.
20:31What paid vacation?
20:34Tell him, Martin.
20:35J.R. is trying to ask you to come back to the Chronicle, Ken.
20:39Oh, father.
20:41I knew he could do it.
20:43Well, I appreciate that, Johnny, but I've
20:46decided to take another job.
20:48That's ridiculous.
20:50What sort of job?
20:51It's a job on a city desk.
20:53That way I can be with Kathy.
20:55Kathy and I have been working our heads off
20:56to get you back to Europe.
20:58What?
20:59It's true.
21:00That's why we wanted you to write that book.
21:02You belong over there, father, doing what you do best.
21:06General Mazem's waiting to give you
21:07an exclusive on the revolution.
21:10And there'll be a small bonus.
21:12A big bonus.
21:13A big bonus?
21:16Well, I don't know what to say, Kit Kat.
21:19I hate the idea of leaving you again.
21:23It will only be for a little while.
21:25I'll come over and see you this summer.
21:27Next year I'll be graduated, and we can be together again.
21:31Well, it's just that, see, I had planned.
21:34Just say yes, Ken.
21:42All right, cable the general not to talk to anyone
21:44till I get over there.
21:45Oh, thank you, Kenneth.
21:47Good man.
21:48Natalie?
21:50If it won't affect my husband's job,
21:51I would prefer not to speak with you.
21:53Natalie.
21:54I mean it.
21:55I think he's treated Kenneth shamefully.
21:58Kenneth should be back working for the Chronicle.
22:01Natalie.
22:02And you've overlooked something.
22:03He knows General Mazem.
22:05He could get a great story on the revolution.
22:07Natalie.
22:09Oh, leave her alone.
22:10I think Natalie has a point here.
22:13Natalie, why don't you and I go out in the kitchen
22:15and drink a cup of your great coffee
22:17while Kenneth packs his bag?
22:22I put in some vitamins for you.
22:24You'll be sure to get plenty of rest.
22:26I promise, Kit Kat.
22:27And you'll wear the new sweater I bought you.
22:29The nights are awfully cold over there this time of year.
22:32Right.
22:34Anything else?
22:36Just please take care of yourself.
22:40I will.
22:41For both of us.
22:43I'll write you as soon as I can.
22:45I'll write you as soon as I can.
22:47I'll write you as soon as I can.
22:49I'll write you as soon as I can.
22:51Mr. Kenneth Lane?
22:52Mm-hmm.
22:53Thank you, sir.
22:54Your plane will be ready for departure immediately.
22:56Oh.
22:57Flight 607, now boarding at gate 17.
23:03That's you, Ken.
23:04Don't worry, Uncle Kenneth.
23:05We'll take good care of her for you.
23:07Oh, I know you will.
23:09If you get a chance, I wish you'd take another crack
23:11at that book, Uncle Kenneth.
23:13Oh, that's not for me, honey.
23:16Well, happy new year.
23:20Marty.
23:21Will passengers on flight 607 please board now?
23:26Happy new year, honey.
23:28Fly the plane well, Daddy.
23:32Happy new year.
23:34I love you.
23:36I love you.
23:49I love you.
23:50I love you.
23:51I love you.
23:52I love you.
23:53I love you.
23:54I love you.
23:55I love you.
23:56I love you.
23:57I love you.
23:58I love you.
23:59I love you.
24:00I love you.
24:01I love you.
24:02I love you.
24:03I love you.
24:04I love you.
24:05I love you.
24:06I love you.
24:07I love you.
24:08I love you.
24:09I love you.
24:10I love you.
24:11I love you.
24:12I love you.
24:13I love you.
24:14I love you.
24:15I love you.
24:16I love you.
24:18Happy new year, darling.
24:26Sheep.
24:27We made it through another one.
24:40Ready, Kathy?
24:42Ready, Patty.
24:44Ready, Patty. Let's get the new year on the road.
25:14What a crazy pair of their cousins.
25:19Identical cousins and you'll find
25:23they laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike.
25:27You can lose your mind when cousins are two of a kind.