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00:00Come back in, Sheldon. He's not going to hurt you.
00:03He looks friendly. I think he might be someone's pet.
00:06No, Bernadette, don't be a hero.
00:10Aww, he's a sweetie.
00:12Yes, he's very sweet.
00:14Now, slowly and carefully, flush him down the toilet.
00:22Sheldon, the only way to get past this fear is to interact with it.
00:26Just like you did with the mailman.
00:29Every year, tens of people around the world are killed by birds.
00:34I'm not going to be another statistic.
00:37Look how sweet he is. Come over and say hi.
00:45Come on. You can do it.
00:48Don't be scared.
00:53Oh, just pet the bird, you big baby.
00:59I did it.
01:03I actually did it.
01:06Okay, now flush him.
01:09Oh, bother.
01:11Well, isn't that just always the way?
01:13You go to Staples something, and you're out of Staples.
01:16Gosh, I wish I'd known that earlier today when I was at Staples.
01:22You ever think of paperclips right there?
01:24You ever think of paperclips right there?
01:27Oh, no, no. I need something more permanent to join these papers.
01:31Say, don't you keep Staples in your top desk drawer?
01:36I don't know. Maybe.
01:39Be a lamb and check.
01:42All right.
01:47Who do we have here?
01:51It's a snake. A terrifying snake.
01:54Did some bad man put us in a drawer?
01:58Stop talking like that. You've been rendered speechless by fear.
02:03Let's go to the biology lab and find you some nice yummy mice.
02:10I tried to scare an Indian with a snake.
02:14Come on, Cooper. You're better than this.
02:16How often would you pretend to like things just to have sex with me?
02:20All the time.
02:23You're kidding.
02:24Does this sound familiar?
02:26I'd love to go shoe shopping with you.
02:30Hiking? It's great.
02:32It's 2 a.m. Of course I want to go to Koreatown and sing karaoke with your friends.
02:36Who wouldn't?
02:39Okay, we were going out. You were going to get sex anyway.
02:42Really? You would have slept with me after a three-hour documentary on dams?
02:48No. No woman would.
02:50See, that's the great thing. We're out as friends. This is not a date.
02:53Sex is off the table.
02:55So, let's go learn why hydroelectric power might not be the environmental bargain you think it is.
03:02Sorry, spoiler alert.
03:07Alright, fine.
03:08Thanks.
03:10Tickets are 11 bucks.
03:16Not a date.
03:19If Amy's too busy, it gives the rest of you an opportunity to make my life easier.
03:24Thus assuring yourselves a footnote in my memoirs, tentatively entitled,
03:28You're Welcome, Mankind.
03:30Alright then.
03:31Just shout when you hear the task you want to undertake.
03:34Dentist.
03:40Okay, we can circle back to that one.
03:42Who wants to take me Wednesday morning to get new heels put on my dress shoes?
03:50Anyone?
03:51Oh, that one had hoot written all over it.
03:55Alright.
03:56Dermatologist.
04:00Allergist.
04:03Podiatrist.
04:06Supercuts?
04:08Okay, okay. Here's a fun one.
04:10I need a new picture frame and I have a hankering for Swedish meatballs.
04:15Who wants to spend the day with me at Ikea?
04:20The meatballs are pretty good.
04:21What's that?
04:22Nothing, nothing.
04:23As soon as she gets here, so she knows I'm cool with it,
04:25I'm going to make a joke about her being deaf.
04:31I was thinking, hey, did you hear the one about, oh no, I bet you didn't.
04:38Maybe we should revisit your lonely fat guy plan.
04:42Oh, she's here.
04:46No, Joe.
04:50Oh, she says she's sorry she's late.
04:53Tell her it doesn't matter.
04:55Tell her her eyes shimmer like opalescent lilies in the lake of the Palace of the Celestial Maidens.
05:04Really? That's the first thing you want to say?
05:06I worked on it all night. Use it.
05:08I don't know the sign for opalescent.
05:11Spell it.
05:12I don't know how to spell it.
05:13But you're blowing this for me.
05:17He likes your eyes.
05:18You're making me sound like a caveman.
05:22She says thank you, you have nice eyes too.
05:24Really? Ask her how many children she wants, and whatever number she says, say me too.
05:29The dungeon is a moss-covered door.
05:31You manage to open it, only to find yourself face-to-face with a hideous, foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre.
05:38What do you do?
05:40I say, hey Ma, what's for dinner?
05:42What's for dinner?
05:46Seventeen.
05:48The ogre is amused by your joke and allows you to pass.
05:53You by the by, I liked it too.
05:58How go the wedding plans, Howard?
05:59Great. Spent five hours last night at Macy's registering for gifts.
06:03Looks like I'm finally going to have that darling little earthenware asparagus dish I've always wanted.
06:08See, this is the good thing about having a girlfriend 9,000 miles away.
06:11I can spend my nights doing whatever I want.
06:14You mean like playing nerd games with us, and then taking a suspiciously long shower?
06:22Maybe.
06:25We enter the dungeon.
06:28You see a dragon.
06:30Really? So we're playing Dungeons and Dragons, and we walk into a dungeon and see a dragon?
06:36Isn't that a little on the nose?
06:39When you play chutes and ladders, do you complain about all the chutes and all the ladders?
06:44Good, your power's out too.
06:45Why is that good?
06:47Because last month I sent the electric company a Starbucks gift card, an apology note, and a few snapshots of me in a bra.
06:55Power failure. Implementing power failure protocol.
06:59What happened to all your glow-in-the-dark emergency exit stuff you had painted on the floor?
07:03Oh, that was wildly carcinogenic.
07:06Anyway, too bad you're no longer entitled to the full benefits of my friendship,
07:10because I happen to be extremely prepared for such an emergency.
07:14Please try not to see anything by this light.
07:18It's not for you.
07:20It's just a blackout. I'm sure the power will be back on soon.
07:23And I'm sure some fool in the Donner party said the snow would stop any day now.
07:29I like to think they ate him first.
07:32Yeah, I got some candles in my apartment.
07:34Candles during a blackout? Are you mad? That's a fire hazard.
07:37No, Pasadena Water and Power recommends the far safer glow stick.
07:43You call that a glow stick?
07:50That is a glow stick.
07:53Come on, let's go.
07:54Before you go, consider this.
07:56Not only do I have a deep-cycle marine battery power source,
08:00which is more than capable of running our entertainment system,
08:02I also have all 61 episodes of the BBC series Red Dwarf.
08:08And Fiddle Faddle.
08:11All yours, if you're willing to reinstate the roommate agreement.
08:15I've got wine at my place and some bubble wrap we could pop.
08:24He'll be back. Wine and a girl in the dark. He's going to be bored out of his mind.
08:28What difference does it make if Leonard goes to Wil Wheaton's party?
08:31No, Wil Wheaton is Sheldon's mortal enemy.
08:34Mortal enemy?
08:36Sheldon, I know you're a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench, but...
08:40You really have a mortal enemy?
08:42In fact, I have 61 of them.
08:46Would you like to see the list?
08:47Oh, si no, si no, si no, si no.
08:50You just got off the list. Would you like back on it?
08:55It'll just take a moment. It's on a five and a quarter inch floppy.
09:02A floppy disk?
09:03I started the list when I was nine.
09:07How did Wil Wheaton get on the list?
09:11Oh, cheesecake. You're just as good as a woman.
09:14Even though I can't have sex with you.
09:18Try throwing it in the microwave for a few seconds.
09:26Should I use the restroom or wait in line?
09:29Should I use the restroom or wait until we get home?
09:31Come on. Papa needs to void his bladder.
09:35Oh, that's not what you want to see after three buttermilks.
09:39Here you go, boys. I'll pick it up when you're ready.
09:42Thanks for dinner, buddy.
09:43Yeah, real big of you.
09:45Hurry, hurry, hurry.
09:48Oh, and don't cheap out on the tip. We all know you're loaded now.
09:52Good thing I drew this up.
09:54What's that?
09:55I present to you the Relationship Agreement.
10:03A binding covenant that in its 31 pages enumerates, iterates, and codifies
10:07the rights and responsibilities of Sheldon Lee Cooper, here and after known as The Boyfriend,
10:13and Amy Farrah Fowler, here and after known as The Girlfriend.
10:20It's so romantic.
10:21Okay.
10:24Mutual indemnification always is.
10:29Why don't you start perusing while I set up my notary stamp?
10:35Section 5, Handholding.
10:37Handholding is only allowed under the following circumstances.
10:40A. Either party is in danger of falling off a cliff, precipice, or ledge.
10:45B. Either party is deserving of a hearty handshake after winning a Nobel Prize.
10:50C. Moral support during flu shots.
10:56Seems a bit restrictive.
10:57Yeah, yeah. Feel free to retain a lawyer.
11:00Hey, sweetheart. How's it going?
11:02Uh, not so good. We have to talk.
11:04Oh? Sounds serious. What's up?
11:08Okay, uh, here it is.
11:11I met this girl, and I kissed her, and I feel terrible about it, but it's done,
11:15it's never gonna happen again, and I am so, so sorry.
11:19Relax. It's okay.
11:21It is?
11:22Yeah, these things happen. They happen to everybody.
11:26Oh, my God. You are amazing. I mean, I don't deserve you.
11:31What do you mean, everybody?
11:36Leonard, I didn't know if I should tell you, but I kind of cheated on you, too.
11:42Kind of?
11:44A couple of weeks ago, I slept with my ex-boyfriend,
11:49so I guess we both messed up a little.
11:54No, no, I messed up a little, you messed up a lot.
11:58Well, it's not a competition.
12:00Oh, yeah, it is, and you won.
12:06Good morning, handsome.
12:08Morning, Mom.
12:13It's me.
12:17Yes, it is, and you're so pretty in the morning.
12:22Your mom and I made you breakfast.
12:24Oh, wow. So you guys are getting along?
12:28Yeah, I guess.
12:29We're very different people, Howard, so communication's a little tricky.
12:33Does he like the pancakes?
12:36He didn't try them yet!
12:41Is there any butter?
12:42It's butter-flavored syrup.
12:44So, what's the word?
12:46He wants butter!
12:50It's butter-flavored syrup!
12:52I just told him that!
13:00I don't need any butter.
13:02If you want butter, I'll get you butter.
13:09Well, I guess I'll cut these by myself.
13:13Be sure to check the mail.
13:15How many times are you going to tell me? What's with you?
13:17Nothing. It's not suspicious that I'm fixating. It's consistent with my personality.
13:23Right.
13:24Hey, guys.
13:25More Halloween candy? Didn't you just buy a bunch of it yesterday?
13:28Oh, yeah, that's gone.
13:32It's a rough month when Halloween and PMS hit at the same time.
13:37Leonard doesn't have time to chat. He has to get the mail.
13:39Will you relax? I'll get it in a minute.
13:42Hey, how was work?
13:43Open the mail!
13:45Excuse me.
13:54A couple of circulars. Nothing important.
13:57What's with him?
13:58Hang on.
14:10You might be from Texas, but I'm from New Jersey.
14:15Test my ringtone?
14:22That really is a good song.
14:24Oh, yeah. There's a reason he's so Elton John.
14:26They don't make you a knight for writing,
14:28Wake me up before you go-go.
14:31Howard, are you coming down for breakfast?
14:34Ma, I told you I have a video conference with NASA.
14:37I said don't bother me!
14:39Oh, listen to Mr. Big Shot Astronaut!
14:42Yes, please listen to Mr. Big Shot Astronaut!
14:50Hey, good morning.
14:52Hey, Howard. Thanks for getting up so early.
14:55No problem, Dr. Massimino.
14:57The guys here call me Mass.
14:59Mass. That's a cool nickname, because force equals mass times acceleration.
15:04Yeah. It's just short for Massimino.
15:08Anyway, the plan for this morning is to go over the...
15:12Sorry. My phone.
15:15What is that? Is that Rocket Man?
15:18Yeah, my ringtone. Kind of my favorite song, Rocket Man.
15:22Howard, your Froot Loops are getting soggy!
15:28Not now!
15:30Who's that?
15:31My mom. Sorry.
15:33No problem, Froot Loops.
15:37So, while he was telling you things, did he mention he owns not one, but two Star Trek uniforms?
15:43Really?
15:44Yeah. Wears them. Not just for Halloween.
15:49Hey, pal.
15:52You didn't see me telling Kevin that you thought Cold Wars were only fought in winter.
15:58Okay, then I'll return the favor, and I won't tell...
16:01Laura.
16:02Laura that half the dirty movies you own are animated.
16:08What?
16:12When you were telling Kevin about your acting career,
16:14did you mention your long-running role as waitress in a local production of The Cheesecake Factory?
16:22Did you tell her about your lucky asthma inhaler?
16:25Oh, yeah? Spell asthma.
16:30A-S...
16:32Take me home.
16:34Maybe I'm not done hanging out with...
16:39You're right. It's getting late.
16:41A moment.
16:42We just had Thai food.
16:44In that culture, the last morsel is called the grangie piece,
16:48and it is reserved for the most important and valued member of the group.
16:59Thank you all for this high honor.
17:04I've seen pictures of your mother. Keep eating.
17:12All right, honey, if we're gonna make the movie, we should go.
17:19This may be hard for you to hear, but when I say honey, I mean my fiancée.
17:26Yeah, well, now it means her.
17:29It's okay if he wants to come.
17:31Fine, but next time we get a sitter.
17:33This isn't the reaction I expected when I told you I was gonna be an astronaut.
17:37What did you think was gonna happen?
17:39Honestly? Sex?
17:44Howard.
17:45Do you realize what a big deal this is?
17:47What an honor it is to be chosen to go into space?
17:51Yeah, I get it. I just wish you included me in the decision.
17:55We're supposed to be partners. We're supposed to be a team.
18:00I'm sorry. You're right.
18:03Let's try this again.
18:05Bernadette, an opportunity has come up that impacts both of us,
18:11and I'd like to discuss it.
18:16Okay.
18:17I've been offered a chance to go up to the International Space Station
18:22for three weeks.
18:24What are your thoughts on that?
18:26Well, first of all, thank you for including me in the decision-making process.
18:33Hey, we're a team.
18:35So what do you think?
18:37No.
18:39Glendor, check it out.
18:42I bought an Engage locomotive, half the size of HO.
18:46Look, it fits in my mouth.
18:48Sounds like you had a great night.
18:50I did.
18:53How was yours?
18:54Not bad. I had a lot more fun with Amy than I thought I would.
18:57What exactly do you mean by that?
18:59Turns out she really knows how to help a guy loosen up and have a good time.
19:03Although, truth be told, my groin's a little worse for wear.
19:09Ow!
19:10My groin's a little worse for wear.
19:14Ow!
19:19Why'd you do that?
19:20To send a message. She is not for you.
19:24What?
19:25Not for you.
19:28To wine and bubble wrap.
19:32And to not having to watch Sheldon demonstrate his reverse osmosis machine
19:36that converts urine into drinking water.
19:40You know, in Girl Scouts, Tammy Denisha said you could do that with pantyhose.
19:45Boy, was she wrong.
19:49Anyway, you want to make out?
19:52I thought because our relationship's in a beta test, you wanted to take things slow.
19:56Okay. Do you want to make out slow?
20:01I can go so slow, it'll be like there's a snail in your mouth.
20:07Oh!
20:10Well, lucky for you, there's nothing else to do right now.