Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00The first 43 parallel universes I've checked proved to be empty.
00:09I see no reason to suspect universe number 44 will be any different.
00:14Oh my god!
00:21Holy crap!
00:23Ah!
00:24Ah!
00:25Ow!
00:26He's eating my face!
00:27Ah!
00:28He's eating his face!
00:29Ah!
00:30Hi Sheldon.
00:31Ah!
00:32Ah!
00:33Ah!
00:34Ah!
00:35Ah!
00:36Ah!
00:37Ah!
00:38Ah!
00:39Ah!
00:40Ah!
00:41Ah!
00:42Ah!
00:44He's in my spot.
00:45Leonard, make him stop being naked in my spot.
00:49Howard, what are you doing?
00:52He wasn't using it.
00:55And I needed a nice cool piece of leather to wiggle my naked ass on.
01:01Get off there!
01:02Give me back my Iron Man helmet.
01:04Give me back my parking space.
01:05You don't need a parking space, you don't have a car.
01:08If you don't need an Iron Man helmet, you're not Iron Man.
01:13Well, we appear to have reached an impasse.
01:16I have to say, I thought you'd be more upset that your laptop is sitting on my junk.
01:24I didn't pick up on that.
01:25That's a nice touch.
01:27You guys need me to call someone?
01:29I'm guessing your mom's.
01:34Thanks, but we've got it covered.
01:36Okay, I just talked to my mom.
01:42She arranged for us to get a rental car.
01:45Great, we can still make it to Comic-Con.
01:47Are you kidding me?
01:48After all we've been through, I just want to go home.
01:51Don't be like that.
01:52Come on, Howard, talk to him.
01:54I'm with Leonard.
01:55I'm done.
01:57Fine, then I guess it's two against two.
02:00How do we decide?
02:03Actually, it's three against one.
02:05What?
02:06What about the mission?
02:07You said we were a real-life landing party.
02:09Well, we're not.
02:11We're an imaginary landing party.
02:13We have real-life garbage thrown at us by real-life strangers who think we're idiots.
02:19To tell you the truth, I'm starting to feel like one.
02:23I want to go home now.
02:26Okay.
02:28Did we at least rent the car from Enterprise?
02:34Get it?
02:35Enterprise.
02:37Screw you, that's funny.
02:41Whatever you got me, you can return.
02:45No.
02:47No.
02:48After everything you didn't do for me tonight, I want you to have it.
02:52What's this?
02:53Read it.
02:55Sheldon Cooper, Caltech University employee information?
02:58At the bottom.
03:00In case of emergency, please contact Amy Farrah Fowler.
03:08And there's my phone number.
03:13This is the most beautiful gift you could have ever given me.
03:18Well, I thought if I have a stroke or a kidney stone, who would I want to share that with?
03:29You picked me.
03:32Because like you said, you're my girlfriend.
03:35Oh, Sheldon.
03:36Yeah.
03:41Okay.
03:43Stop ruining Valentine's Day and order my pizza.
03:46I can't believe I ditched work for Disneyland.
03:49What did you tell your boss?
03:50Oh, I was very clever.
03:51I did it in stages.
03:53At 7 last night, I called about a problem at the lab and casually mentioned I was going out for seafood.
03:59At 9.30, I called and told him that one of my scallops tasted weird.
04:03At 11.30, I called and said I was throwing up like a fire hose.
04:08At 12.45, I called and made nothing but dry heaving sounds.
04:13And now I'm going to Disneyland.
04:17Penny, what did you say?
04:18I work at the Cheesecake Factory.
04:19I said bye.
04:23So what are we going to do first?
04:25I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to make a beeline for the place that gives you a princess makeover.
04:29Oh, that sounds like fun.
04:31You're kidding, right?
04:32We're not just going to get drunk and go on rides?
04:36Come on.
04:37Do it with us.
04:38All right.
04:39Whatever.
04:40How does it work?
04:41Okay.
04:42So you pick your princess.
04:43Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella.
04:44They give you hair.
04:45Make up the works.
04:47I guess it would be fun to be Cinderella.
04:49Oh, I want to be Cinderella, too.
04:51Yeah.
04:52We can't all be Cinderella.
04:57Then how do we decide?
04:59Well, it's simple.
05:00This was my idea.
05:01I'm driving.
05:02I'm Cinderella.
05:03You bitches got a problem with that, we could stop the car right now.
05:08It's really you.
05:15Mr. Jeffers, I am so sorry.
05:17We should have told you about the broken elevator.
05:19I agree.
05:23Professor Proton, it's an honor to meet you.
05:26Just call me Arthur.
05:28Leonard.
05:32Did you hear that?
05:33Professor Proton said I should call him Arthur.
05:36That means we're friends.
05:39No, a friend would have told me about the elevator.
05:46Look at me.
05:50I can get as close to you as I want without my mom saying it's going to ruin my eyes.
05:58Is he dangerous?
06:02Actually, he's a genius.
06:05I am.
06:08That doesn't answer my question.
06:12Mr. Jeffers, I'm Leonard.
06:14This is my girlfriend, Penny.
06:16Hi.
06:17Hello.
06:21Well, I hope I haven't kept the kids waiting too long for the show.
06:26Oh, no, there are no kids.
06:28No, the show's for me.
06:31Come on.
06:32Aracia.
06:34Arthur.
06:40Is the blonde girl really your girlfriend?
06:43Yes, sir.
06:44You're the genius.
06:47You find yourselves in an overgrown old forest.
06:52Before you is a giant oak tree with a face on it that looks a lot like Nicolas Cage.
07:01He says, travel with caution.
07:07These woods are home to the bones of many a fallen hero.
07:17See, Howard's just as good a dungeon master as I am.
07:21As good?
07:22Well, you just got pantsed in the schoolyard, four eyes.
07:26Hey, come on, guys, focus.
07:28Our almighty Nicolas Cage tree.
07:31We thank you for your warning, but we are brave warriors,
07:35and nothing short of death will keep us from our goal.
07:42Oh, Lucy's free after all.
07:43See ya.
07:46Hey, hey, hey, you can't leave.
07:48We just started.
07:49You're right.
07:50I should finish the game.
07:51I take my plus one long sword, stab myself in the face with it.
07:54I'm dead.
07:55I've got a date with a girl.
07:57We'll be fine.
08:00Watch.
08:01Suddenly, a spectral shape rises from Cthulhu Pali's bloody corpse and says,
08:07don't worry, buddies.
08:09Ghost Raj will help guide you through the forest.
08:14Well, I'm just a tree, but if I were you, I'd listen to your ghost friend.
08:20Would you like to hear a classic Sheldon Cooper factoid?
08:24What do you think?
08:25Great.
08:27I've been doing some reading about vehicular safety.
08:31Did you know that the highest number of drowning accidents happen on or around boats?
08:39Interesting that you would bring that up when I might go work on a boat.
08:43That's the thing about factoids.
08:45They're interesting.
08:48I know what you're doing.
08:50You don't want me going on this research trip because you're afraid to be alone.
08:54Well, I'm not afraid to be alone.
08:56On land.
08:59On the sea, it would be terrifying.
09:03Because of all the drowning.
09:07Sheldon.
09:08Fine, no more drowning talk.
09:10I'll change the subject.
09:12Who do you think would win in a fight?
09:15You or a shark?
09:20I appreciate your signature blend of concern for me and incredible selfishness.
09:26If I get the chance to do this, there's nothing you can say that's going to stop me.
09:31Very well.
09:34Things between you and Penny have never been better.
09:37I hope four months apart doesn't change anything.
09:45I should have opened with that, huh?
09:47Why hasn't Stephen Hawking played a word?
09:51The guy's a genius.
09:53Maybe you weren't challenging enough for him.
09:55Not challenging.
09:56I was humiliating the man.
09:58Yeah, I was thinking of writing a book called
10:00A Brief History of the Time I Made Stephen Hawking Cry Like a Little Girl.
10:05Here's the problem.
10:07You can't beat Hawking like that.
10:09He hates to lose.
10:10Everyone knows the guy's a big baby.
10:12Forget the wheelchair, he should be in a stroller.
10:18Really?
10:19One time when I was working with him, he said that Johnny Depp was in The Matrix.
10:24I told him he was wrong, but he kept insisting, so I looked it up online and showed him.
10:29Well, the next day, he had a pizza party, and everyone got invited but me.
10:38Then he was all,
10:39Your invitation must have gotten lost in The Matrix.
10:47Good lord, what have I done?
10:50Good lord, what have I done?
10:56Terrible.
10:58Alright, hotshot, let's hear your Indian.
11:01You can't sit on that elephant. My ass is on fire from eating all this curry.
11:10Okay, yeah, that's pretty good.
11:21Why are they staring?
11:24Who cares? Just soak it in.
11:28Hello, boys.
11:31Oh, hey.
11:36Can you please stop staring? They're just girls. It's nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings.
11:43Hey, Stuart.
11:44What brings you guys here?
11:46We were looking for a recommendation about comic books.
11:48Oh, well, I recommend you don't open a store and sell them.
11:52No, we were just wondering why the guys like this stuff so much, so we thought we'd give it a try.
11:56Oh, okay. What do you think you might be into? Superhero, fantasy, graphic novels, manga?
12:01I swear I will turn a hose on you.
12:09What kind of comics do the guys like?
12:11Um, a little bit of everything. Mostly superhero stuff.
12:14Alright, well, who's the best superhero?
12:18You can't ask a question like that in here. Are you trying to start a rumble?
12:23Ernie, home. You have fun today?
12:28Yes, and I have a surprise for you.
12:32Please be Cinderella, please be Cinderella.
12:36Well, hello, Prince Charming.
12:43M'lady.
12:56Hey, how was your... what?
13:00I can explain. I played hooky with the girls, then we all went to Disneyland and...
13:05What are you doing?
13:06Disneyland. Go on, I'm listening.
13:12Sheldon, all Snow White needs is one little kiss to wake up.
13:18Heard you the first time.
13:22We're all here tonight because we have no one to be with.
13:27But that doesn't make us mutants.
13:32The only mutants here are in these comic books.
13:37We gotta stop defining our self-worth by whether or not we're in a relationship.
13:44You know what I see when I look around?
13:47I see a room full of great people.
13:51So let's give ourselves a break. We are a community.
13:56And as long as we have each other, we're never truly alone.
14:08That was cool, what you said.
14:12You really think so?
14:13Yeah, I do.
14:20Would you like to get a cup of coffee?
14:25Okay.
14:32Later, losers!
14:38Let me see if I have this straight.
14:41You two are physicists.
14:45And you want me to do a children's science show.
14:52Yes.
14:54And if there's time, take 12 pictures with us in seasonal clothing.
15:05You know, I'm a real scientist. I have a PhD from Cornell University.
15:11Yeah, that's great. Did you bring your puppet?
15:15No, no.
15:18I hate that puppet.
15:22No, no. How could anybody hate Geno the Neutrino?
15:29It's nice, huh? I got it for 20 bucks on eBay.
15:32Including the shipping!
15:38I'm awake, right?
15:44This is happening.
15:47Here we are.
15:48Yep.
15:50I'm really going to miss you.
15:52I'm going to miss you, too.
15:54Penny, we're in the red zone.
15:57You see, the white zone is for loading and unloading.
16:00We're breaking the law.
16:03Okay, there's no space in the white zone, so...
16:05Anyway, we can email, and I think the phone connections are pretty good.
16:10All right, you have to get out of the car right now. I'm not going to jail for you.
16:13Can't you just relax?
16:14Oh, I see a space in the white zone. Quick, circle the airport.
16:19Did you bring enough inhalers?
16:20Yeah.
16:21And extra Dramamine? You remember what happened on It's a Small World?
16:26No, I'm covered.
16:27Okay.
16:28Oh, dear Lord, a police officer's glancing in our direction. We've been made.
16:34Calm down, I'm getting out.
16:37I have something I want to give you.
16:39Oh, Leonard!
16:40All right, it's just a heart-shaped lock with a picture of Leonard's face in it.
16:42You got them all on clearance. Now move, move, move!
16:47I love you.
16:49I love you, too.
16:53Don't worry, officer. They just love each other. We're not smuggling drugs.
17:03This cushion experienced a nude revenge wiggle.
17:09What?
17:11A naked man sat on it.
17:13Now, here's my concern. His diet is rich in fatty deli meats.
17:19What test do you have to detect lipid residue?
17:23Lipid what?
17:27Lipid residue. An anal autograph. A colon calling card, if you will.
17:38Tuesday okay?
17:40Now, don't rush it. We may be dealing with befoulment on a molecular level.
17:45Let me write you a ticket.
17:54Okay, I'm done.
17:56How'd you guys finish so fast?
17:58I don't know. There were a lot of pictures, and one page only had the word brackadoom.
18:06Yeah, well, I have street smarts.
18:09So what'd you guys think?
18:11Well, there was a lot of action, and the story moved along at a brisk pace.
18:16It was overall, what's the word I'm looking for?
18:20Stupid?
18:21So stupid.
18:23I don't know how Leonard can get so caught up in this.
18:25It's crazy. They spend hours arguing about things that don't even exist.
18:28What a waste of time.
18:30I know. A hammer so heavy that no one else can pick it up.
18:34I don't think it's heavy. I think it's some sort of magic so only Thor can lift it.
18:39That makes even less sense. I mean...
18:41No, no, no it doesn't.
18:45Thor is a god. The hammer is his. Only he can use it.
18:49It's like Sheldon and his toothbrush.
18:53Or his thin beckoning lips.
18:56Okay, hang on. What if Thor's hand is on the hammer?
19:00I mean, if he's touching it with his god magic, does that mean I could lift it?
19:04No.
19:05Yes.
19:06I can never believe what happened to me at work today.
19:08This old guy was choking on his food, and I saved his life.
19:11You're kidding. Did you heimlich him?
19:13No. I said, oh my god, I think that old guy's choking, and then one of the busboys heimliched him.
19:20You're a hero.
19:22Yeah, that was the point of the story.
19:26Oh, speaking of work, do you know if you have Thursday night off?
19:28Uh, I think so. Why?
19:30What do you mean why? It's Valentine's Day.
19:32Oh, right. Yeah, we can do something.
19:35You could be a little more into it.
19:37Oh, I'm into it. I'm into it.
19:39It's just there's so much pressure to make the night special, and it never works out.
19:42Okay, well, this time it's going to be different, because I am like a romance ninja.
19:48You don't see it coming, and then bam! Romance! Watch out! Hearts! Kisses! Love!
19:52Booyah!
19:55You know, sometimes I think I've made you so much cooler than you used to be, and then you go and do that.
20:00I am what's called an experimental physicist, which is super fun, because I get to test theories and work with lasers.
20:08Yes?
20:09How did you decide to become a scientist?
20:11Oh, excellent question. Um, I suppose I've always been into science.
20:16My mother and father are scientists, so I was kind of led in that direction.
20:20Pushed might be a better way to describe it.
20:24To be honest with you guys, when I was your age, I wanted to be a rap star.
20:29Like Snoop Dogg, but with a healthy respect for the police.
20:35Yeah, I'm not sure you laugh.
20:37Just like my mother did.
20:40After I confided, I was derided and chided. My mom's and I collided. She said my dreams were misguided.
20:47What?
20:52That's just a little freestyle.
20:55As I put the egg on top, and the flame goes out, and the air pressure decreases in the flask, what do you think will happen?
21:08I think I know.
21:09It's gonna get sucked in.
21:12It's going to get sucked in.
21:15Okay, I did it now.
21:21Yes!
21:24See, I'm not a scientist like them.
21:27I figured that out.
21:31Potato clock. Do potato clock.
21:33What's that?
21:34I power a clock with a potato.
21:38Shut up! You can do that?
21:42I mean, wouldn't that solve the world's energy crisis?
21:50No.
21:52They've all been so wonderful to me.
21:54That's really nice to hear.
21:56Maybe next week we could all get together.
21:58Lucy, you don't have to answer that. Don't put her on the spot. She hates that. Am I right? Tell her what you hate being put on the spot. Go ahead, tell her.
22:06Ignore him. He's a little nervous because he doesn't think I understand the severity of your social anxiety.
22:11Are you crazy? You can't talk about social anxiety to someone who has social anxiety. It makes them socially anxious.
22:19Excuse me, but I'm a neurobiologist. I think I'm a little more qualified than you to understand what's not working in your girlfriend's brain.
22:26Don't call her my girlfriend. We haven't discussed whether I'm her girlfriend or boyfriend yet.
22:32Now that it's out there.
22:36Are you my girlfriend? By the way, if you say no, I'll never be happy again.
22:42Not to put you on the spot.
22:46I think I have to go to the bathroom.
22:52You might as well go ahead and eat. She's not coming back anytime soon.
22:56What the hell are you doing?
22:59You said I'm not using my space, so I'm using it.
23:06Okay, you need to move now.
23:09No, I don't.
23:11You can't stay there forever.
23:13Actually, I have a plastic baggie strapped to my leg that says I can't.
23:20Give up, Wolowitz. You've chosen to tangle with a superior intellect you can't defeat.
23:25There is nothing you could possibly do to...
23:36Those aren't going to help you, Sheldon.
23:39Oh, yes, they are. I mean, why?
23:43I'm warning you, Sheldon.
23:45Your threats are empty. Nothing can move me.
23:49Stop that. Get out of my spot!
23:52That's it. I am calling campus security.
23:55You prepare for the scolding of your life.
23:58What are you idiots doing?
24:00He's trying to kill me, Leonard. Video games and rock music have desensitized him to violence.
24:07Would you please talk some sense into your lunatic roommate?
24:11You're both acting like lunatics. It's just a parking spot.
24:14It's not just a parking spot. He can't handle the fact that I'm a bigger deal than he is now.
24:19Preposterous! I have been solely responsible for this university's six-loop quantum gravity calculations.
24:25I have changed the way we think about Bose-Einstein condensates.
24:28And I am also the one who got Nutter Butters in the cafeteria vending machine.
24:34And maybe you missed that news while you were floating around like a goof in outer space.
24:39Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.
24:43Can you believe this guy?
24:45What I don't believe is that you tried to run him over.
24:48Oh, like you've never thought of doing that.
24:50Don't hate me just because I lived the dream.
24:53Hey! Sweet ride!
24:59What are you doing in there?
25:01Just breaking in your new car.
25:06Stop that! You stop that!
25:08You know what they say. Revenge is a dish best served nude.
25:13Hey, here are the makeup sponges you asked for.
25:16Oh, thanks. I thought I had more.
25:24Damn, you've got more makeup than I do.
25:27You've got better makeup than I do.
25:29Yeah, I'm borrowing this.
25:31Hey, hey, hey! This is my Comic-Con makeup.
25:34I love you, but there are some things a man doesn't share with his girlfriend.
25:39That's a wise policy. I once borrowed my sister's makeup for a costume contest.
25:44Got a terrible case of pink eye.
25:46Yeah, but luckily I was going as a zombie. I won second place.
25:50I feel like you guys just went to Comic-Con.
25:51That was San Diego Comic-Con. This is Bakersfield Comic-Con.
25:55Is that better?
25:57It's a lot smaller. It's more about the comic books, the way these conventions used to be before they went all Hollywood.
26:02So did I answer your question? No, it's not better.
26:06Well, then why are you going?
26:08It's a comic book convention.
26:10It's like pizza or particle accelerators. Even the stinky ones are still pretty good.
26:15Alright, well you guys have fun. I guess I'll see you Sunday night.
26:18Yeah. Hang on a second.
26:19Hold this.
26:26What was that for?
26:28To show people when they don't believe me.
26:30I know she loves playing the harp, so I found this beautiful music box that plays one of her favorite songs.
26:40Now Amy already has a real harp.
26:43And it can play any song.
26:45It can play any song.
26:48What are you trying to pull here?
26:51No, I just thought it would be...
26:52Next.
26:55Okay. I know she's a fan of the Canterbury Tales.
26:59So I found this cool map that illustrates the character's journey through England.
27:06I thought we could put it in a really nice frame.
27:09But she's got Google Maps on her phone.
27:16I don't know how to respond to that.
27:20Well, I hope it's with a third good option, because these first two...
27:27Okay. Well, luckily I saved the best for last.
27:32Since Amy's a neuroscientist, I did some research and found out that Santiago Ramon y Cajal,
27:37the father of modern neuroscience, did lots of hand drawings of brain cells.
27:41And I managed to find this signed print.
27:47Wow.
27:49Oh, this is truly remarkable.
27:53I think I'll keep it for myself.
27:59What about your girlfriend?
28:00It's too late. I called dibs.
28:02Excuse me?
28:04I'm meeting a girl here. It's kind of a first date.
28:08In a library?
28:11She and I are both a little awkward in social situations, so this seemed like a good idea.
28:18People say I'm a little awkward, too.
28:22May I join you?
28:24Sure.
28:26People say I'm a little awkward, too.
28:29May I join you?
28:32No, you can't join us.
28:35Go climb back up whatever beanstalk you came down from.
28:44You can do better.
28:50Oh, we're eating here?
28:56Yeah.
28:59We're having a texting date?
29:05I love that.
29:11As you're reading, it will help to remember I have an adorable accent.
29:17Anything I can get for you? Some apple juice? Some Jell-O?
29:21No, no, thank you. But I do have a favor to ask.
29:26Name it.
29:28Well, I'm booked to do a children's party tomorrow, and frankly, I don't feel up to it.
29:35No, you're not. You look awful.
29:45Anyway, I mean, you know my act better than anybody. I was hoping that maybe you'd fill in for me.
29:55Are you saying that you want me to be Professor Proton?
29:59Yeah.
30:01Oh, my. What an honor. Oh, this is like being asked to ascend Mount Olympus and dine with the gods.
30:09Or a Korean family in Alhambra.
30:15I'm so proud of you, Amy. Your first bikini wax.
30:18Yeah.
30:26So, how you doing?
30:28Oh, a little sensitive, but not bad. Does it always take that long?
30:32No, they don't usually have to go out and get more wax.
30:35Oh, yeah.
30:40Okay, now, pull your car into the spot and let's get out of here.
30:43Wait, I'm leaving my car here?
30:45Yes. And be sure and put on the emergency brake. Really makes these things tough to budge.
30:50Before I park, come in the back seat. I want to show you something I had done today.
30:55All right. You color me intrigued.
30:58What do you think?
31:00I think you're high on paint fumes.
31:03And, boy, that's a lot of Band-Aids.
31:06I've just never played Dungeons and Dragons with girls before.
31:09Oh, don't worry, sweetie. No one has.
31:15So, what do you say?
31:18I'll leave it up to the Dungeon Master.
31:21Oh, no.
31:22What do you say?
31:25I'll leave it up to the Dungeon Master.
31:29A satanic fungus that looks suspiciously like Al Pacino rises from the forest floor and says,
31:38You're playing D&D. You're playing D&D. This whole apartment is playing D&D.
31:53What are you doing in our dungeon? You shall die.
32:02Okay. Literal goosebumps. Look.
32:05What do you do?
32:07I draw my broadsword.
32:09I ready my quarterstaff.
32:11I drink my potion.
32:14I see we attacked the big one.
32:16You know what? Give me the dice. I want to roll.
32:18The Dungeon Master is supposed to roll.
32:19Yeah, well, I'm supposed to be in Vegas throwing up on a shrimp buffet. Now give it.
32:25Alright, what do I need?
32:27Fifteen or higher.
32:29Fifteen's the point. The point is fifteen. Give the little lady some room. Here it is. Coming out.
32:34Sixteen!
32:38Elmo, please tell me we're playing for money.
32:41Oh, even better than money. You gained experience points.
32:46More potion, please.
32:47I am unlovable.
32:49That's just the booze talking.
32:52No, it's not. I haven't had a drink since last night.
33:05You're talking to me.
33:07I am.
33:10And I'm crying for a whole different reason.
33:17So, I guess what I'm saying is I get where Lucy's coming from.
33:21That's great. Do you want some wine?
33:23No, water's fine. Anyhow, I've been thinking about it a lot and I totally see why Lucy did what she did.
33:30I pushed too hard, but you know what? If I back off, maybe give her enough space, maybe there's still a future for us.
33:35The funny thing about life is that, you know, sometimes something you think is going to be good turns out to be bad.
33:40Does he ever shut up?
33:42But then it turns good again and that means it's better than if it had never been bad for a while.
33:45And now, yeah, yeah, now things are good.
33:48They are, in fact, very, very bad.
33:51But at least my heart is starting to heal.
33:53Slowly but surely.
33:55How I cried. It was like a little...