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00:00So what'd you think?
00:02It was good.
00:04That's it? Good?
00:06I enjoyed it.
00:08But when you told me I was going to be losing my virginity,
00:10I didn't think you meant showing me Raiders of the Lost Ark for the first time.
00:14My apologies.
00:16I chose my words poorly.
00:18I should have said you were about to have your world rocked on my couch.
00:24Anyway, thank you for watching it.
00:26It's one of my all-time favorites.
00:28It was very entertaining,
00:30despite the glaring story problem.
00:34Story problem?
00:36Oh, Amy.
00:40What a dewy-eyed moon calf you are.
00:42Raiders of the Lost Ark is the love child of Steven Spielberg and George Lucas,
00:48two of the most gifted filmmakers of our generation.
00:50I've watched it 36 times,
00:52except for the snake scene and the face-melting scene,
00:56which I can only watch when it's still light out.
01:00I defy you to find a story problem.
01:02Here's my jaw.
01:04Drop it.
01:08All right.
01:10Indiana Jones plays no role in the outcome of the story.
01:12If he weren't in the film,
01:14it would turn out exactly the same.
01:16I see your confusion.
01:18You don't understand.
01:20Indiana Jones was the one in the hat with the whip.
01:22No, I do.
01:24And if he weren't in the movie,
01:26the Nazis would have still found the Ark,
01:28taken it to the island, opened it up,
01:30and all died.
01:32Just like they did.
01:38Let me close that for you.
01:46Shannon!
01:48It's not a great time.
01:50It's not a great time.
01:52What do you want?
01:54Hello to you, too.
01:56I'm sorry, but this is important.
01:58What is it?
02:00Back to the Future 2
02:02was in the Back to the Future 3 case.
02:04And Back to the Future 3
02:06was, get this,
02:08in the Back to the Future 2 case.
02:10So?
02:12So?
02:14Did you do that?
02:16Or am I in the house with an intruder?
02:18Sheldon, I gotta go inside.
02:20It's getting rough out here.
02:24You're dodging the question.
02:26I knew it was you.
02:30What was that?
02:32What was what?
02:34This isn't a very good connection,
02:36but it sounded like someone just released a Kraken.
02:40Okay.
02:42I'm hanging up now.
02:44You know there's no such thing as a Kraken.
02:48No!
02:52Penny! Penny!
02:54Penny!
02:56What's the matter?
02:58Um...
03:00Well, I was worried that
03:02you might be missing Leonard.
03:04And that might be
03:06causing you to have bad dreams.
03:08Like the kind you'd get if you watched
03:10Clash of the Titans right before you went to bed.
03:14Sweetie, did you have a bad dream?
03:16To be honest,
03:18I did.
03:20Back to the Future 2 was in the Back to the Future 3 case.
03:24Leonard did it.
03:26Good night.
03:28No, wait.
03:30Perhaps I should sleep here
03:32so you don't miss Leonard as much.
03:34Because you're being kind of a baby about it.
03:42You know what?
03:44I feel better. Thank you.
03:46You're welcome.
03:50Good night.
03:54I'm so glad you guys are friends again.
03:56And I'm glad you and I are friends again, too.
03:58Aww.
04:00Which reminds me, this came in the mail,
04:02and I want you to have it.
04:04Fifty cents off of Vagisil.
04:08Think of me when you apply it.
04:14You know what they say?
04:16I've missed all of us hanging out together.
04:18Yeah. Me, too.
04:20Um, since when can Cthulhu Pali
04:22talk in front of the girls without a beard?
04:24Oh, that happened right after you left.
04:26No one told me?
04:28Can't believe we forgot to tell him.
04:34Think of Sheldon when you apply it.
04:38I think this is the first time
04:40we've ever actually been alone together.
04:42I guess you're right.
04:44Wonder why that is.
04:46Well, off the top of my head,
04:48I'd say we don't have a lot in common
04:50except for the people we're involved with.
04:52Plus, when we first met,
04:54Penny warned me never to get into a car alone with you.
04:56Yeah.
05:00You know, I bet you and I
05:02have more in common than we think.
05:04Such as?
05:06I don't know.
05:08Tell me some things you like.
05:10Oops. Little House on the Prairie.
05:12Medieval poetry.
05:14Medieval literature.
05:16Hey, how about some music?
05:18Great. Sheldon never lets me listen to music in the car.
05:20He doesn't want to be mistaken for a gang member.
05:24Find something you like.
05:26Beatles.
05:28Boring. Eminem.
05:30Scary. Weird Al.
05:32How old are you?
05:34Neil Diamond.
05:36Yeah.
05:38I love Neil Diamond.
05:40I love Neil Diamond.
05:44I've reconsidered.
05:46You can't work where I work.
05:48Enjoy the rest of your evening.
05:50Sheldon, I already signed the contract.
05:52I cashed a check.
05:54Hmm.
05:56You are not going to come out of this looking good.
05:58Sheldon, I don't understand.
06:00I thought you said you were fine with it.
06:02I was, but that was before Howard explained to me
06:04how awful it would be if he had to work
06:06with one another.
06:08He said what?
06:10Now, don't be insulted.
06:12He just thinks too much of you would be
06:14mind-numbingly tedious.
06:16Excuse me.
06:18I need to have a chat with my husband.
06:20Now, keep it short.
06:22From what I gather, brevity is your friend.
06:26So, are we good here?
06:28Listen to me.
06:30Sheldon misunderstood.
06:32What I meant was if we work together,
06:34he'd get sick of you.
06:36Not the other way around.
06:38Howard, if you're going to lie to your wife,
06:40don't start the sentence with,
06:42Sheldon misunderstood.
06:44That's a dead giveaway.
06:46Well?
06:48Okay, fine. I did say that, and I think it's true.
06:50I think if we work together and live together,
06:52we'd get sick of each other.
06:54Yeah, but to be fair, he only said the part
06:56about him getting sick of you.
06:58For the love of God, why?
07:00What exactly
07:02do you think you'd get sick of?
07:04There's only options here,
07:06to fake a heart attack or have a real one.
07:08It's nothing in particular.
07:10Is it my voice?
07:12Am I too bossy?
07:14My arm is feeling numb.
07:18Nailed it.
07:22That's the wrong arm for a heart attack,
07:24doofus.
07:26Sheldon, I know you're in the zone,
07:28would you like some tea?
07:34Howard, I can't believe I'm going to say this,
07:36but you haven't spoken in hours,
07:38and I'm starting to get worried.
07:40Please say something.
07:42Leonard, prepare to be humbled and weep
07:44at the glory of my genius.
07:46Nope, it was better before.
07:50Look at it.
07:52I feel like my mind just made a baby.
07:54And it's beautiful.
07:56It's not like human babies,
07:58which are loud and covered in goop.
08:00Holy crap,
08:02Sheldon, did you just
08:04figure out a method for synthesizing a new
08:06stable, super heavy element?
08:08Did I?
08:10That can't be right.
08:12No one's ever done that before.
08:14Except me, because I just did it!
08:16Sheldon and his brain, yeah!
08:18Sheldon and his brain, yeah!
08:20Sheldon and his brain, yeah!
08:22Sheldon and his brain, yeah!
08:24Excuse me.
08:30Is it at all possible that you're
08:32knitting a pair of pants?
08:36You're understandably terrified.
08:38Allow me to explain.
08:4045 days ago,
08:42I embarked on a railroad journey
08:44of healing, because when my
08:46university was making me do string theory,
08:48my favorite comic book store burned down,
08:50and when my roommate got engaged,
08:52my girlfriend wanted to move in with me,
08:54which was no doubt a ploy
08:56just to see my, well, excuse my language,
08:58but my bathing suit parts.
09:03Sir, may I use your phone?
09:05I don't think so.
09:07I understand that I'm half-naked,
09:09but there is a reasonable explanation.
09:11While I slept in my sleeper car,
09:13all my possessions were stolen.
09:15Now, typically,
09:17I wear pajamas, but
09:19I recently adopted
09:21a hobo lifestyle, and pajamas
09:23are the sleep pants of the man.
09:28I'll have you know Mahatma Gandhi
09:30wore no pants, and a nation rallied
09:32behind him.
09:34My good man, now before you walk away,
09:36I know that I may appear deranged,
09:38but I am, in fact, a world-renowned physicist.
09:40Ask me the difference
09:42between a boson and a fermion.
09:44Go ahead, ask.
09:47The bosons have integer spin.
09:49Fermions have half-integer spin.
09:51My legs are getting cold.
09:53Why won't anybody help me?
09:55Next question.
09:57For the Butterfinger,
09:59how long is a galactic year?
10:01250 million years.
10:03Yes! Yay!
10:05Okay.
10:07This one is for a Cadbury
10:09cream egg.
10:11It's not even Easter time. This is crazy.
10:14Which Archimedean solid
10:16has 20 regular triangular faces,
10:1830 square faces,
10:2012 pentagonal faces,
10:2260 vertices, and 120 edges?
10:24The rhombicosyndromechahedron!
10:26Yes! Yay!
10:30We are so smart!
10:32Why didn't girls like us in high school?
10:34Because we were awkward and weird
10:36and couldn't play sports!
10:38Right again!
10:40The first pitch will be thrown out
10:42by Howard Wolowitz.
10:50Can he really throw a ball?
10:52On our Quidditch team, he does.
10:54Yeah, that's a no.
10:56I have a message
10:58for the young people here today.
11:00When I was asked to throw
11:02the first pitch,
11:04a little voice in my head
11:06said I couldn't do it.
11:08So I practiced
11:10and practiced
11:12and you know what?
11:14That little voice
11:16was right.
11:18But
11:20then I remembered
11:22that I'm not an athlete.
11:24I'm a scientist.
11:26So today's first pitch
11:28will be delivered
11:30to home plate
11:32by science.
11:34Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
11:36I present to you
11:38the first prototype
11:40of the Mars Rover!
11:48And here's the wind-up
11:50and the pitch!
12:04Why is it going so slow?
12:06Because I'm an idiot
12:08who didn't think this through!
12:10Okay, new plan.
12:12We go to Disneyland,
12:14play hide-and-seek
12:16on Tom Sawyer's island,
12:18and then come back
12:20and see the end of the pitch.
12:30Okay, moving isn't going
12:32to make it go any faster!
12:34What are some ways we could set our comic book store
12:36apart from the competition?
12:38Kids buy comic books.
12:40It would be great to figure out a way to get more kids in the store.
12:42You know, when I was a kid, I loved going there,
12:44but I could never get a ride.
12:46Ooh! What if you got a van and drove around
12:48and picked kids up?
12:54Nice!
12:58Like at parks and schools.
13:00Toy stores? Puppet shows?
13:04Hold on. So,
13:06your idea is to get a van
13:08and cruise the streets
13:10looking for kids to pick up?
13:12Yes.
13:16And are you going to use
13:18candy to lure them in?
13:22We are now!
13:24Hold on. Pause.
13:26Something doesn't make sense.
13:28In 2015,
13:30Biff steals the sports almanac
13:32and takes the time machine back
13:34to 1955
13:36to give it to his younger self.
13:38But as soon as he does that, he changes the future!
13:40So the 2015 he returns to
13:42would be a different
13:442015, not the 2015
13:46that Marty and Doc were in.
13:48This is hot tub time machine all over again.
13:52If future Biff
13:54goes back to 2015 right after
13:56he gives young Biff the almanac,
13:58he could get back to the 2015 with Marty and Doc in it.
14:00Because it wasn't until
14:02his 21st birthday that
14:041955 Biff placed his first bet.
14:06Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is placed
14:08right? What do you mean?
14:10Is placed the right tense
14:12for something that would have happened in the future
14:14of a past that was affected by something
14:16from the future?
14:18Had will have placed?
14:20That's my boy.
14:22Okay, so
14:24it wasn't until his 21st birthday
14:26that Biff had will have placed
14:28his first bet and made his millions.
14:30That's when he altered the timeline.
14:32But he had will haven't placed it.
14:38What?
14:40Unlike hot tub time machine,
14:42this couldn't be more simple.
14:44When Biff gets the almanac in 1955,
14:46the alternate future he creates
14:48isn't the one in which Marty and Doc Brown
14:50ever used the time machine
14:52to travel to 2015.
14:54Therefore, in the new timeline,
14:56Marty and Doc never brought the time machine.
14:58Wait, wait, wait.
15:00Is brought right?
15:04Marty and Doc
15:06never had have had brought?
15:10I don't know. You did it to me.
15:14I'm going with it.
15:16Marty and Doc never had have had brought
15:18the time machine to 2015.
15:20That means 2015 Biff
15:22could also not had have had
15:24brought the almanac
15:26to 1955 Biff.
15:28Therefore, the timeline in which
15:301955 Biff gets the almanac
15:32is also the timeline in which
15:341955 Biff never gets the almanac
15:36and not just never gets.
15:38Never have, never hasn't,
15:40never had have hasn't.
15:42Is it right?
15:44What about the late fees on our credit card
15:46because somebody didn't pay the bill on time?
15:48Well, maybe I would have paid it if I wasn't also
15:50doing everything else around here.
15:52Oh, you're saying I don't do anything around here?
15:56Look at my torture.
16:00She made him a torture.
16:02I see it.
16:04Do the dishes.
16:06There's a star right there.
16:08That was a pity star.
16:10That was a pity star.
16:12Putting water in the roasting pan
16:14and leaving it in the sink is not doing the dishes.
16:16That pan had
16:18to soak and you know it.
16:20Well,
16:22don't come crying to me when you don't get your allowance.
16:24It's not
16:26an allowance, it's a stipend
16:28and we said we weren't going to call it an allowance
16:30in front of my friends.
16:36I usually don't like lemon bars
16:38but these are really good.
16:42Oh my
16:44God.
16:46Leonard,
16:48I was wrong. Heaven does
16:50exist.
16:52And it's in the basement of a urologist's
16:54house in Sherman Oaks.
16:58Welcome to my fortress of solitude.
17:00This is where I go
17:02to get away from
17:04all my other solitude.
17:08Come on, it's a replica.
17:10Original.
17:12I think I just cheated on my wife.
17:18The gun from Hellboy.
17:20How did you get it?
17:22Bought it at auction.
17:24I was hoping for a juicy tidbit about Ron
17:26Pullman's testicles.
17:28Oliver,
17:30I'm going to play bingo.
17:32Okay, mother. Have fun.
17:34Still lives with his mom. Yikes, right?
17:38Yeah, I'm not quite sure
17:40how to respond.
17:42Wow,
17:44Donkey Kong. This was my game
17:46when I was a kid.
17:48Because it's a story of a pretty blonde girl
17:50tirelessly pursued by a small, oddly
17:52shaped man?
17:56No, because I liked it.
17:58Now don't get defensive.
18:00You're oddly shaped, but you got the girl.
18:09Next game,
18:11let's switch helmets.
18:13No, I'd look silly in that helmet.
18:15Mother, have either of you
18:17prepared your own vows?
18:19Yes. No.
18:21You wrote vows?
18:23Yeah.
18:25I don't have any. You're kind of making me look bad.
18:29It's okay. I don't have to say them.
18:31No, no, go ahead. I'll come up with something mushy.
18:33You'll cry. We got this.
18:35Penny,
18:37we are made of particles
18:39that have existed since the moment the universe
18:41began. I like to think
18:43those atoms traveled 14 billion
18:45years through time and space to create us
18:47so that we could be together
18:49and make each other whole.
18:51Wow.
18:55Penny?
18:57Right.
18:59Okay.
19:03Leonard,
19:05you're not only the love of my life,
19:07but you're my best friend.
19:09And
19:11you've got a friend in me.
19:17You got troubles.
19:19I got them, too.
19:23There isn't anything
19:25I wouldn't do for you.
19:27We stick together and we can see it through
19:29because
19:31you've got a friend in me.
19:35Do you know that song from Toy Story?
19:37He loves that movie.
19:39I do.
19:41I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper
19:43and welcome to Sheldon Cooper presents
19:45Fun With Flags.
19:47You may notice that I'm holding a remote control.
19:49That's because my camera person and co-host
19:51Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler
19:53has chosen to end her relationship with me.
19:57I'm going to pause here
19:59to let that sink in.
20:05Okay.
20:07If you need to pause a little longer,
20:09just click the pause button.
20:11But
20:13the show must go on
20:15and thankfully all the things my girlfriend used to do
20:17can be taken care of with my right hand.
20:25Anyway,
20:27let's not spend any more time talking about her.
20:29We're here to talk about flags.
20:31Tonight's theme, flags of countries
20:33that have been torn apart
20:35and the women I have a feeling were responsible.
20:39And then the Czech Republic
20:41says to Slovakia,
20:43I don't think you understand how being broken up works.
20:45Do you believe that?
20:47You think that the Czech Republic
20:49would try to hold on to what it had
20:51given that it's not as young as it used to be
20:53and I don't see any other countries lining up
20:55to invade its southern borders.
20:57I'm going to kill him.
20:59But enough about
21:01the Czech Republic, let's talk about
21:03the time Moldova made Romania
21:05a birthday cake and Romania said it
21:07tasted good even though it didn't.
21:09And yet Romania gets dumped.
21:11I'll pause here while you mull that one over.
21:15I know, right?
21:17When did you learn how to change a tile?
21:19Every self-respecting
21:21gentleman should know how
21:23in case he comes across a damsel
21:25in distress by the side of the road.
21:27If I see one scorpion
21:29I am getting on someone's shoulders and never coming down.
21:31And there's your damsel.
21:35Wow, this one's
21:37really stuck.
21:39Are you turning it the right way?
21:41No. I took the other four off
21:43and when I got to this one I thought, no, I'm going to rut.
21:45Let's shake things up.
21:47Here, let me try.
21:55You're right, it doesn't turn the other way.
21:59All right.
22:01This rust
22:03combined with the aluminum
22:05recovered from the van is now thermite.
22:07All right. A couple pinches
22:09ought to do the trick.
22:11Is that enough to melt the lug nut?
22:13Well, let's start small. We can always add more.
22:15You put up a good fight, lug nut.
22:17But you've met
22:19your match.
22:29Hey, look, the lug nut's off.
22:43I just need to ask you a few standard questions.
22:45Sure.
22:47It says here you're a chemist.
22:49Which element on the periodic table
22:51do you feel is too big for its britches?
22:55Is that supposed to be a joke?
22:57Looks like
22:59argon's not the only one with an attitude problem.
23:03In general, would you say
23:05that you smell better, worse,
23:07or the same as you do right now?
23:13I was going to ask you what is the best fruit,
23:15but then I realized what I want to ask you
23:17is why is there a Band-Aid on your forearm?
23:19But then I realized what I really want to ask you
23:21is can you just go?
23:24You're healthy.
23:26You have a job in the sciences.
23:28And I've got to say,
23:30if this credit report comes back good,
23:32you're the frontrunner.
23:36Okay, show me on guard.
23:38Good. Knees bent.
23:40Swipe me over the toe.
23:42Non-sword hand up for balance.
23:44Oh, God.
23:46I am going to feel this tomorrow.
23:48Okay, the first move
23:50is called an advance.
23:52Your front foot forward.
23:54Heel to toe. Back foot follows.
23:56So, front foot forward.
23:58Heel to toe. Back foot follows.
24:00Now you, Twy. Advance.
24:02And advance.
24:04And advance.
24:06This is easy.
24:08I didn't need to wear a cup.
24:10Good. This next move
24:12is called a retweet.
24:14Step back. Back foot first.
24:16Toe to heel. Front foot follows.
24:18On three.
24:20When can I stab one of my friends?
24:24In fencing, we don't call it a stab.
24:26We call it a touch.
24:28Yes, I'm aware, but if I say I want to touch one of my friends,
24:30I'll get called into human resources.
24:32Okay, on three.
24:34Cooper and Kuthwapowee, advance.
24:36The other two, retreat.
24:38One, two, three.
24:40Very good.
24:42Switch it up. One, two, three.
24:44Switch again.
24:46One, two, three.
24:48Yeah.
24:50Excuse me.
24:52Pretty bad.
24:54No, I'm teaching a class.
25:00Yeah.
25:02Okay.
25:04Yeah. Okay.
25:06Thanks.
25:08And one, two, three.
25:10I was going to put the app on your phone.
25:12Yeah, Stuart got two dates with it.
25:14One of which would have ended in sex had she not said no.
25:18Okay, all set.
25:20Okay, let me see.
25:22Nope. Nope.
25:24Nope. Oh, he's cute.
25:26Doesn't a teardrop tattoo
25:28mean he murdered someone?
25:32And he's sad about it.
25:34Hey. Hello.
25:36Hey. Amy, I thought you were going to be out late.
25:38If you wanted me to stay out later,
25:40you should have given me more spending money.
25:42What are you guys up to?
25:44We put Amy on a dating app,
25:46so we know what's out there.
25:48Oh, fun. Let me see.
25:50Uh, no.
25:52No.
25:54Definitely not.
25:56What was wrong with that guy?
25:58He's Indian. We've already got one of those.
26:00Ooh.
26:02We should find a nice Latino.
26:04Really round us out.
26:06I want to try.
26:08Excuse me. Can I have my phone back?
26:10Hang on. I'm trying to find you the next great love of your life,
26:12the man who will father your children.
26:14Oh!