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FunTranscript
00:00Psst. Hey, kid.
00:02Huh? What?
00:06You look tired.
00:07Why don't you have an energy drink?
00:09Everyone's doing it.
00:13Oh, no, thank you. Those have caffeine in them.
00:16Oh, sorry. I thought you were cool.
00:21I am cool.
00:22This is Yoohoo. Chocolate milk's delicious, watery custom.
00:27All right. But if you ever want to feel like you have superpowers, try one of these.
00:33Superheroes take performance-enhancing chemicals?
00:36You bet. You know why Hulk is so strong?
00:39Steroids.
00:43You know why Batman wanders around at night getting into fights?
00:47Scotch.
00:51I am facing a great deal of work.
00:54I do like things better when famous people also like them.
00:59Here. It's on the house.
01:03The first one's free? Flash, how do you stay in business?
01:08You want to know my secret? I bought stock in Marvel.
01:14I need to say something to someone pretty special, and I just can't wait any longer.
01:22It's happening.
01:23Leonard.
01:29You and I have our ups and downs, but I have always considered you my family.
01:35Even before the recent threat of our parents fornicating like wrinkly old rabbits.
01:45I don't always show it, but you are of great importance to me.
01:49Both of you.
01:54Okay. I now pronounce you husband and wife.
01:59And weird other husband who came with the apartment.
02:04This is my friend Penny.
02:05Hi.
02:06Hey, come on in. I'm going to go turn on some rock music.
02:09That's a geology joke.
02:12Or it's a geologist.
02:13And a joker.
02:15How early are we?
02:16Oh, actually, we're an hour late.
02:19I suddenly wish Sheldon was here.
02:29So should we talk to each other or mingle?
02:34I don't know where everyone is.
02:36Yeah, I mean, I could see him eating one or two guests, but not a whole party.
02:40Well, I guess this is kind of a bust.
02:43You don't have to stay. I'm going to start cleaning up.
02:46Okay.
02:48I feel so bad about leaving him here.
02:50That's funny. I was just thinking the same thing about you.
02:54Hey, listen.
02:55Do you not say anything about this to the people at the university?
03:00You know, because you're you and I'm me and it's kind of embarrassing.
03:04Wait, what do you mean, she's her?
03:06Well, you know how Amy's the coolest girl on campus, right?
03:09No!
03:11Oh, yeah, everybody thinks so.
03:14What? You tell me about your foot fungus, but this is a secret?
03:19I'm sure it's just because I'm dating Sheldon.
03:21Actually, I think Sheldon's popular because he's dating you.
03:27Now, Sheldon's popular because he's dating you.
03:30Because he's dating you.
03:34Now Sheldon's popular? What is happening?
03:37I'm the son of a gynecologist. I could be helpful.
03:39It would help if you stopped telling me I have a textbook cervix.
03:44The polite response is, thank you for noticing.
03:51Let me see the sonogram again.
03:53Oh, yeah, that's a good-looking baby for a little gray blob.
03:57Yeah, we can name him Blobbert.
04:00What if it's a girl?
04:02Blobberta.
04:04Or Blobby, with an I.
04:07Are we being silly not finding out the sex?
04:09Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing.
04:12If you want, you can find out right now.
04:14The doctor's gone for the day, so it doesn't matter.
04:17Or somebody else knows because they saw it in the folder.
04:20You looked in our folder?
04:22It was an accident. The doctor left the folder out on a desk.
04:25It's not my fault I opened it and looked.
04:28So you know the sex of our baby and we don't?
04:32Flip a coin, you got a 50-50 shot.
04:36That's unbelievable.
04:38But this is not a problem, okay?
04:40If you don't want to know, I don't have to tell you.
04:42We don't want you to know.
04:44Okay, well, that's a problem.
04:47Which side of the bed would you prefer?
04:49It doesn't matter to me. Your choice.
04:51No, no, we're living together now. Everything's equal.
04:54No.
04:55I know that I have a tendency to be controlling, so I would rather you choose.
04:58Well, Sheldon, I really appreciate that,
05:00but these things mean more to you than they do to me, so whatever you want.
05:03Well, clearly it's not whatever I want,
05:05because what I want is for you to make this decision, and you refuse to do that.
05:10Well, I'm not refusing. I'm just trying to be considerate.
05:12Like when you let me get those shoes with the wheels on the bottom
05:15and then watched me roll right into traffic?
05:18Sheldon, will you please just pick a side?
05:19Fine.
05:25All right.
05:27Now, on this side, I am closer to the exit in case of emergency.
05:32Great. That's your side.
05:34No, but I'm also closer to the entrance in case of attack.
05:39Okay, I'll take that side.
05:41Ah, then again, what are the odds of someone attacking me?
05:43Rising rapidly.
05:47Now, this side offers me proximity to the bathroom,
05:51but I am closer to the window where perverts can watch me sleep.
05:57Okay, what if we do this?
06:03I suppose that works.
06:04Great.
06:09Although now I'm kind of worried someone's hiding behind those drapes.
06:13I am willing to forego the bathroom schedule.
06:17Really?
06:18Why does she get that? We never got that.
06:21Do you want him back?
06:22I'm very happy for you.
06:26Amy, you should know I was never really interested in seeing other women.
06:31And to prove how serious I am about us,
06:34I'm willing to take our relationship to the next level.
06:39Amy Fairfowler, will you share this toothbrush holder with me?
06:47I would love to.
06:52Did we really need to be here for this?
06:59Call me crazy, but I found it moving.
07:03Until Amy's apartment is fixed, she and I are living here together.
07:08I lived with my old girlfriend. She was a geologist, too.
07:12Things didn't work out?
07:13I came home from work one day and she had taken everything.
07:17I'm warning you, hide your good rocks.
07:22My sister's husband took all her things, too.
07:25Story hit 11.
07:29Really? No one else is coming?
07:33This is it. You are the practice round.
07:36Practice round? For what?
07:38No, he just means that you were the first people we thought of.
07:42No, exactly. We've never thrown a brunch before and I wanted to work out all the kinks.
07:46So, I'm like a lab rat before your real friends come over?
07:55You see, your words sound reasonable, but your face looks angry.
08:00Help me out here. This is not where I shine.
08:03Stuart, you know you're one of our favorite people.
08:06Okay, now see, you look sincere, but your words are completely false.
08:10Now we do this test run. These brunches are wild.
08:14Hello, Leonard.
08:17I was going to write you an email, but I'm a little drunk and spelling is a sober person's game.
08:27I feel I owe you a splenation.
08:31I'm sorry. A splenation.
08:37Penny? Penny?
08:40Penny? Penny? Penny?
08:44Sheldon, go away. I'm making a video.
08:47I'm sorry. I'll come back when you're alone.
08:50No, no, no. I am alone. I'm just telling Leonard why I broke up with him.
08:55Oh, he knows. The video I want to see is why you went out with him in the first place.
09:01I went out with him because he's great.
09:04If I kept going out with him, I probably would have married him.
09:06And it's a little scary because I just don't think I'm ready for that.
09:10You know, plus I have got to learn how to spell Hofstetter.
09:15I know there's a D in there, but it keeps moving every time I try and write it.
09:21Sheldon, what do I do?
09:24Try to pass out face down so you don't choke on your vomit.
09:29I am not going to pass out.
09:32But thank you anyway.
09:37Wow.
09:39I know. There's like two more hours of her just lying there.
09:45Oh, you love me so much.
09:49I married you, jackass.
09:51No, not just out of pity, like everyone said at her wedding toast.
09:57You want to see the part where she falls off the chair?
09:59Totally.
10:07Dr. Zane, Dr. Harris, this is my fiancé, Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
10:11That's the first time I've said that and it kind of gave me the goosebumps.
10:15Dr. Cooper, we are so excited to meet you.
10:18Oh, that's very kind of you.
10:20If you'd like, I could autograph your menus after dinner.
10:24I'll see those on eBay.
10:27No, no, no. We're just excited to meet the man who landed this brilliant woman here.
10:32Oh, that wasn't hard.
10:33She threw herself at me.
10:36Now, getting the universe to show me its naughty bits, that took some doing.
10:42Sheldon's a physicist.
10:44Oh, that's nice.
10:50Amy, I recently read your paper on lesions in the olfactory receptors in the brain.
10:54It was inspired.
10:56I guess it didn't stink.
10:58But if it did, that rat wouldn't have known it.
10:59I'm sorry. I'm sure you don't want to sit here and listen to a bunch of work talk.
11:03Oh, no. I love it.
11:05Yeah, but let's talk about work. Amy's work, my work.
11:08Yeah, why don't we start with my work?
11:10Actually, I do have a question for Dr. Cooper.
11:13When Amy first told you about her approach to synaptic tracing,
11:16did you think it was going to revolutionize the field?
11:19Uh, really?
11:21That's your question?
11:23What are you, entertainment tonight?
11:25No, no, no.
11:26That's your question?
11:28What are you, entertainment tonight?
11:31You know what? I'm going to give you a better question.
11:33Here, um, Dr. Cooper.
11:35I heard you were working on a top secret project for the U.S. military.
11:39Why don't you tell us about that? See, that's a great question.
11:42Okay, what was that like?
11:45I can't tell you. That is top secret.
11:47Hi, you wanted to see me?
11:49Yes, I wanted to talk to you about the email you sent me last night.
11:53I sent you an email?
11:56You bet you did.
11:59Hello. Shalom and aloha from the grave of Richard Feynman.
12:04Oh, it's coming back to me.
12:07Please accept the following retraction.
12:10I know I said physics is dead, but it is the opposite of dead.
12:14If anything, it is undead. Like a zombie.
12:18Speaking of which, if Richard Feynman came back as a zombie,
12:22I would totally let him bite me.
12:26Any chance that's the end?
12:29I got bit by a squirrel once.
12:32I had to get rabies shots. I cried so much.
12:36My mother said, don't be a baby.
12:39In conclusion, physics is great, squirrels suck,
12:43and someday I'm going to put my mom in a cheap nursing home.
12:48Yours truly, XOXO, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.
12:52I can explain.
12:54P.S.
12:56Can you come pick us up?
12:58The Uber driver won't open the door because Sheldon is covered in blue vomit.
13:04Oh, I don't care.
13:06You know me, I just go with the flow.
13:11Beach, public pool, they both sound awesome.
13:18On second thought, beach.
13:21I'd like to befriend a seagull.
13:24That is crazy.
13:26Yeah, will you email that to me?
13:30Have you played this for him?
13:32No, I'm worried he'll say I violated his privacy.
13:35Listen to how happy he sounds.
13:37I'm up for anything.
13:39As long as I'm with you.
13:43What are you listening to?
13:45Nothing.
13:46Oh, come on, I want to hear.
13:49We don't need GPS.
13:52Let's just see where the road takes us.
13:56I see why you turned it off.
13:58That guy sounds like an idiot.
14:00Honey, that's you.
14:02Don't be silly.
14:04My voice is deep and sonorous.
14:06Like a Caucasian James Earl Jones.
14:10Luke, I am your father, see?
14:13It is you.
14:15I recorded you in your sleep.
14:17Oh, look, a hitchhiker.
14:19I bet he has some interesting stories.
14:23That's me?
14:25It's you.
14:27So you spied on me in my sleep?
14:29Sheldon, I'm sorry.
14:31You've been doing this every night.
14:33I couldn't help but wonder if it meant something.
14:35Well, it doesn't.
14:37Are you sure?
14:39I mean, the prefrontal cortex regulates impulse control,
14:41so it's plausible that when we're asleep,
14:43aspects of our personality that we repress might come out.
14:46Don't try to put science lipstick on your new age pig.
14:50And for the record, you make noises when you sleep,
14:52and I've never accused you of repressing your inner chainsaw.
14:59If you want me to object at your wedding,
15:01just give me one of these.
15:04I just wish I could make Howard feel as angry as I'm feeling.
15:09Well, maybe you could do something he likes
15:12and make him jealous.
15:14Like what?
15:16Have you ever read Tom Sawyer?
15:17No.
15:19Chores. He likes chores.
15:22Ooh. What kind of chores?
15:25Well, you could change the batteries in the smoke detectors.
15:29That would drive him crazy.
15:32That's great.
15:34Oh, he'll be so mad, smoke will be coming out of his ears.
15:36Yeah, then the smoke detectors will detect it.
15:40Wait, hold on.
15:42Why did you ask me about Tom Sawyer?
15:44I'm just interested in you.
15:45What?
15:47You are sweeter than your applesauce.
15:52Okay.
15:54I put new batteries in the smoke detectors.
15:56Did you do the laundry?
15:58I sure did.
16:00Ooh, he's going to be steamed.
16:02Just like his dress shirts.
16:05At least he can still clean the oven, so that's something.
16:07That's what he thinks.
16:09Where's your steel wool?
16:11Right here.
16:13We made quite the team.
16:15We sure do.
16:17Okay, you ready?
16:19Almost. I'm working on my facial expressions.
16:21See, I've got interested.
16:23Hmm.
16:25I've got very interested.
16:27Hmm.
16:29Enraged.
16:32Why would you be enraged?
16:34Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
16:38Okay.
16:42And rolling.
16:43Hello, I am theoretical physicist Dr. Sheldon Cooper,
16:46auditioning for the role of Professor Proton.
16:49Now, excuse me while I get into character.
16:54Hello, I am Professor Proton.
16:58And today, boys and girls, we're going to have fun with science.
17:01Did you know you could calculate the mass of an electron using household items?
17:05It's true.
17:07All you'll need is a pencil, some paper, dry ice, rubbing alcohol,
17:10and a spool of 50-micron-thick cobalt-60 wire.
17:15And remember, don't put it in your mouth.
17:17Or instead of becoming a scientist, you'll become wildly radioactive.
17:23Hang on, I have a question.
17:25Do you have any experiments that aren't life-threatening?
17:27Come on.
17:29That was a perfect take and you ruined it.
17:31Oh, look, hey, I did need enraged.
17:36Oh, boy.
17:37What?
17:39They cast the new Professor Proton.
17:41Is it Sheldon?
17:43Not exactly.
17:45It's Will Wheaton.
17:50I don't get how you can enjoy cricket.
17:52It makes no sense.
17:54Did you just come here to complain?
17:56Yeah, that's the sport of my people.
18:00Oh, that's Ravi Chandran Ashwin.
18:02He's amazing.
18:04He makes Hardik Pandya look like Bhuvaneshwar Kumar.
18:06Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
18:08Save some syllables for the rest of us.
18:10Hey, I think that's Bernadette's friend over there.
18:14Oh, yeah.
18:16Hey, Ruchi.
18:18I hope this isn't awkward.
18:20The last time we met, I kind of embarrassed myself.
18:22Let's see if you can go two for two.
18:25Hey, guys.
18:27Hey.
18:28Are you here by yourself?
18:30Yeah, I couldn't convince anyone to come watch cricket with me.
18:32Tell me about it.
18:33Oh, this guy.
18:36You're more than welcome to join us, if you'd like.
18:38Thanks.
18:41Hey, bowl on his leg.
18:43What'd she say?
18:45Bowl on his leg.
18:49Ah, that clears that up.
18:51She's telling the bowler to bowl a yorker.
18:54It's the most brutal ball in cricket.
18:56I was at the match when Shoaib bowled back-to-back yorkers.
18:59Well, I was there too.
19:01What a coincidence.
19:03There were a lot of people at that match, so...
19:05Yeah, India, right?
19:07Everywhere you go, there's like 120,000 people.
19:11So what do you think of our chances at the World Cup?
19:13Ah, World Cup.
19:15You know, it'll all depend if Kohli's batting in form.
19:17I know. It doesn't even matter how many all-rounders you have.
19:20Isn't that the truth?
19:22You know, I was the best leg-spinner in my high school.
19:24Yeah, like, I bowled the meanest googly.
19:26Speaking of googlys, I'm gonna go.
19:30Before Sheldon gets here...
19:31Last time we did that, he didn't talk to us for a month.
19:34So do it.
19:36Hold on. Where is he?
19:38According to his text, he was on the second floor,
19:41then he stopped to tie his shoe.
19:45All tied, and...
19:47Hello.
19:49Hi.
19:51Sorry we're late. Amy took forever tying my shoe.
19:54All right. Who's excited to see a documentary?
19:58Oh, I know this one. Nobody. Ever.
20:00Hey, this one's going to be great.
20:02This is about the rivalry between a cool renegade scientist,
20:05Nikola Tesla, and his arch-nemesis, Thomas Edison.
20:08It's the greatest scientific feud of all time.
20:10I mean, you can forget about Leibniz and Newton.
20:13Done.
20:15So...
20:17Tesla's the one that invented the electric car?
20:19No, Penny, no.
20:22The car is just named after him.
20:24Okay, you don't have to be so smug about it.
20:26You know, you went to see the movie It
20:27because you thought it was about scary I.T. guys.
20:32Tesla was a genius who invented our electrical grid.
20:35Edison just wanted to get rich and famous.
20:37Didn't he invent the light bulb?
20:39That's what he wants you to think.
20:41But without the foundational work of Ebenezer Kennersley,
20:43Warren De La Rue, and James Bowman Lindsay,
20:45you wouldn't know Edison any more than you know
20:47Ebenezer Kennersley, Warren De La Rue,
20:49or James Bowman Lindsay.
20:51Isn't he sexy all fired up?
20:54He really gets my current ulcer.
20:55He really gets my current alternating,
20:57if you know what I mean.
20:59Edison was kind of a publicity hog and a bully.
21:02Yeah, he electrocuted an elephant named Topsy
21:04just to make himself famous.
21:06If I had an elephant named Topsy,
21:08he would want for nothing.
21:10Also, he'd be named Jumbo.
21:12And worse than that,
21:14Edison filmed the first on-screen kiss,
21:16so he's basically a pornographer.
21:19Although every time I put that in Wikipedia,
21:21someone takes it out.
21:26Is your current still alternating?
21:28We're lucky there aren't any elephants in here.
21:32Want to grab some lunch?
21:34You know what?
21:36I don't think so.
21:38Well, let me guess.
21:40You're not eating because the mean girls
21:42circled your chubby bits in marker.
21:44No, that. That right there.
21:46That's the reason.
21:48You're always making fun of me.
21:50Those are just jokes.
21:52It's my way of saying that we're friends
21:53and the undead wouldn't hurt you
21:55to drop a few.
21:57See?
21:59No wonder I don't have any confidence.
22:01Come on, you can't blame that on me.
22:03Why not?
22:05Fifteen years of constant ridicule.
22:07I think our relationship has become toxic.
22:09What are you saying?
22:12I think you and I need to spend
22:14some time away from each other.
22:17Look, I...
22:19I can see you're upset,
22:20but I'm gonna need
22:22some ground rules.
22:24While we're apart,
22:26can I see other needy Indian men?
22:28Get out!
22:30On today's episode,
22:32we're gonna start with some viewer emails.
22:34Oh, take off your glasses
22:36so people can't see your password
22:38in the reflection.
22:40Uh, sure.
22:42Okay, our first email is from Brad.
22:44Or...
22:46Brian? I don't know, maybe it's Seth?
22:48Alright, put him back on.
22:50Uh...
22:52Oh my gosh, it's from Fermilab
22:54in Chicago.
22:56Not surprising, the Windy City.
22:58Great flag town.
23:00No, no, it's about our paper.
23:02A team of physicists
23:04confirmed super asymmetry.
23:06Our paper was right.
23:08We did it.
23:10We did it?
23:12We did it.
23:14We did it?
23:16We did it!
23:18We did it!
23:21We did it.
23:23Aww, remember when they only did it
23:25on her birthday?
23:27Oh, it's freezing out here.
23:29Do you like me to
23:31heat things up?
23:33No, I want to get in the hot tub
23:35before I lose a toe.
23:37Oh, that is bright.
23:39Yeah, a new neighbor
23:41put in floodlights.
23:43So, shall we?
23:45No, I don't want to take my robe
23:47off under a spotlight.
23:48This is a candle body.
23:50Howdy, neighbors.
23:52We haven't met yet.
23:54I'm Andy.
23:56Oh, hello.
23:58Nice to meet you.
24:00Your new balcony kind of looks
24:02right over our fence.
24:04You might want to put up
24:06some trees.
24:08We can see everything.
24:10You can, but it's okay
24:12if you don't.
24:14So, can you turn your lights off?
24:16Sorry, they're motion censored.
24:18What do we do about this?
24:20I say we wait until his lights
24:22go off, and then I make
24:24hot, motionless love to you.
24:29Don't move.
24:31It's go time.
24:33Where's Raj?
24:35He's working with Bert.
24:37They're probably cutting
24:39their stupid meteorite open
24:41with their stupid diamond saw.
24:43Are you okay?
24:45Yeah, I'm just a little run down.
24:47Purell?
24:51Purell?
24:53Purell?
24:55Purell?
24:59Can I top anybody off?
25:04Why don't you go to bed?
25:06I'll run out and get you some medicine.
25:08It's okay. Stuart gave me some
25:10when I was at the comic book store.
25:12Really? You're taking medicine
25:14from Stuart?
25:17He's got plenty.
25:19His pill caddy is, like, this big.
25:22All right, well, why don't you go to bed?
25:24I'll sleep out here on the couch.
25:26No, no, no. You take the bed.
25:28I'll stay out here.
25:30Even better. Sweet dreams, snotbag.
25:32I can't believe they're going to cut that
25:34with this punk-ass diamond saw.
25:40Jeez.
25:47Leonard, what are you doing?
25:49Showing you that this is the better way.
25:51Stop.
25:53Whatever's inside there is dangerous.
25:59Oh.
26:01And pretty.
26:06What is that?
26:08Ah!
26:10Are you okay?
26:12Ah.
26:14I'm fine.
26:16Yeah, I'm fine.
26:18I'm just feeling a little...
26:24Hungry.
26:26No!
26:28Stop eating butt!
26:33Keep eating butt!
26:37Leonard. Leonard!
26:39What? What?
26:41You're having a bad dream.
26:43Oh, thank God.
26:44I'm meeting my friends.
26:46Well, one friend and one acquaintance.
26:48You know what? It's okay. Two friends.
26:51Let me see if you're running a fever.
26:53Yeah.
26:55Oh, yeah. You're burning up.
26:59Ah!
27:01Jeez.
27:03Are you okay?
27:05It depends. What color are my eyes?
27:07I don't know. Brown? No, green.
27:09No, wait. Brown.
27:11Oh, good. I'm awake.
27:13Hello, baby. Are you having a pleasant day?
27:16Oh, my God. This is my entire childhood.
27:21Leonard. Leonard. You're chaining my data.
27:23It's like word for word.
27:26How much time is left?
27:28Thirty-five seconds.
27:30Oh, really? He's not reacting at all.
27:32Sheldon, he's a baby. That's not how you talk to him, okay?
27:34Just watch.
27:36Hey, Hallie.
27:38Who's your favorite uncle?
27:39Who's your favorite uncle?
27:41Uncle Coop.
27:45I got a dud. Let's switch.
27:48Keep trying. It's for science.
27:50Is that all I was to her? Just an experiment?
27:53Michael. Michael. You're making me look bad.
27:56Interact with me.
27:58He grabbed my finger.
28:00Oh, he's smiling. I'm doing it.
28:02That's time.
28:04Oh, really? Can we do one more?
28:06I think these guys need to get some food.
28:07By pushing a lever at the end of an obstacle course that we designed?
28:12No. By opening the door to a hangar and letting the airplane fly in.
28:17Although, Sheldon, maybe it could be an experiment.
28:20Are you suggesting we color-code their food so we can examine their diapers later?
28:26Sure.
28:28These diapers are going to be full of data.
28:33I never thought I would see Sheldon enjoying himself around babies so much.
28:38Yeah, how about that?
28:40So he just happened to stumble upon a book about experimenting with them
28:44the same day we were hanging out with Howard's kids?
28:48Yep. Don't overthink it.
28:53Oh, my God. At sleep-away camp, my cabin was called Control Group.
28:58And the absence of side effects means that Inflaminex can be taken in conjunction with other medications.
29:03It's a brand new day.
29:04A brand new day. Such a good tagline. I forgot, who came up with that?
29:08You did.
29:09That's right, I did.
29:12Okay, I know it's late. I've been working you guys really hard, so I have a little treat for you.
29:16We get to go home?
29:18No, you get to stay here and get vitamin B12 shots.
29:21Oh, my God. You guys are still here?
29:24We're happy to be here. It's a brand new day.
29:28It's 12.15. It's literally a brand new day.
29:31Everybody go home.
29:34Alright, fine. Go. Get out of here. Go on.
29:38I think things are going pretty good.
29:41Are you aware that Dave's in the break room crying?
29:43Yeah. I told him if he's going to be a crybaby, go to the break room.
29:46I just really want to be prepared for this conference.
29:49You're going to do great.
29:50You really think so?
29:51Of course. They're scared of you. You're scared of me. The system works.
29:55Hi. I got you a surprise.
29:57Oh. What's the occasion?
30:00I heard you tell Hallie that story the other night, and I thought it was so sweet that Stuart and I turned it into a book.
30:07The Frightened Little Astronaut?
30:12That looks just like you.
30:15Look how tiny and scared you look.
30:19And the best part is Stuart showed it to a publisher friend of his, and they're interested in it.
30:24That's so cool.
30:25Absolutely not.
30:28Why?
30:29Because I don't want the whole world to know I was the Frightened Little Astronaut.
30:37Maybe you should have called it the Bitchy Little Astronaut.
30:44Once upon a time, there was a little astronaut who was sitting in a rocket waiting to go to space.
30:51And while all the other astronauts laughed and joked, he stayed quiet because he had a secret. He was scared.
31:00He had another secret, too. He was only pretending to be scared to trick the alien king.
31:08Owie.
31:10Fine. There was no alien.
31:16There was a bossy wife, though. We'll get to her later.
31:21Hey, good news. They're inviting several Nobel laureates to our reception.
31:25Oh, great. Like who?
31:27Makoto Kobayashi.
31:29Oh.
31:32What?
31:33I may have been less than kind to him about his Nobel Prize win.
31:37Why?
31:39I was jealous, angry, and new to Twitter. It was a dangerous combination.
31:43Okay, so scratch Kobayashi.
31:46George Smoot's on here.
31:50We have a history.
31:53Saul Perlmutter?
31:54Oh.
31:57What about Kip Thorne?
31:59That was a misunderstanding. I didn't know he was right behind me.
32:05So you've alienated everyone we need to help us?
32:08Well, Amy, if I'd known that someday we need them, I would never have insulted them.
32:13Well, that doesn't make it better.
32:15Oh. Well, it's also not true.
32:16Well, it's also not true.
32:20It's for the Nobel laureates. We need them on our side, but unfortunately, Sheldon-
32:24No, unfortunately, Sheldon, that's all you gotta say.
32:28Well, so you need these people's support and you're sending them baked goods?
32:32Yeah, they're pretty smart. Don't you think they're gonna realize it's just a bribe?
32:35I could think, but sometimes brilliant people can be painfully oblivious to social cues.
32:43Thank you for pointing that out, Sheldon.
32:47Anytime.
32:54Sheldon Cooper?
33:01Sheldon Cooper?
33:03Pass.
33:06Sheldon Cooper.
33:07Aww.
33:10Ugh, oatmeal raisin.
33:17Oh, it's from Saul Perlmutter. He sent me a picture.
33:22Oh, let me see.
33:24He arranged the cookies to spell out thank you.
33:28Sheldon, that word isn't thank.
33:32It's gotta be them.
33:33Hey, put it on speaker.
33:35Hello?
33:36Hi.
33:37Well, this is Sweden calling.
33:41Is this Dr. Cooper and Dr. Fowler?
33:44Yes.
33:45Congratulations. It is my pleasure to inform you that you've won the Nobel Prize in being suckers!
33:56His Swedish accent was very convincing.
34:00Oh, this is it!
34:03What do you want, Howard?
34:05We were just calling to see if you'd heard yet.
34:07We haven't.
34:08But thank you for getting up so early to call. That was very thoughtful.
34:11Oh, please. We have two little kids. We've been up for an hour.
34:15Did anyone get to slap Sheldon?
34:17No.
34:19Alright, well call us when you hear.
34:22Right, now what?
34:24Oh, why don't we play a game to pass the time?
34:26Here, I am thinking of a number. Hint, it's a cube of a cube of a prime.
34:31There's an infinite number of possibilities.
34:33What, you got somewhere to be?
34:37Oh, that's me.
34:39Hello?
34:41Yes, this is Dr. Fowler.
34:45I see.
34:48Okay, thank you.
34:53We won.
35:02Congratulations!
35:03Oh my god! We did it!
35:05I know. Can you believe it?
35:08That's a good point. What if I'm dreaming?
35:16We won!
35:18We won the Nobel Prize!