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00:00Oh
00:14Dear God Leonard Leonard, I'm sick
00:30Leonard Leonard Leonard my comforter fell down and my sinuses hurt when I bend over
00:51Leonard
01:00Oh
01:08Leonard where are you? I'm at work
01:12At 630 in the morning, yes on Sunday
01:19Yes
01:20Why they asked me to come in? I didn't hear the phone ring. They texted me
01:26As I predicted I am sick my fever has been tracking up exponentially since 2 a.m.
01:35And I am producing sputum at an alarming rate
01:40No kidding
01:43It has shifted from clear to milky green
01:48Get some rest and drink plenty of fluids what else would I drink gases solids ionized plasma
01:56Drink whatever you want. I want soup then make soup. We don't have soup
02:03Sheldon
02:07Is that a dog yes in the lab, yes
02:14They're training dogs to operate the centrifuge for when they need dogs to
02:20Operate the centrifuge for blind scientists. I have to go
02:26I
02:33Know it's the phone
02:38Godly I don't know
02:44Calling at this ungodly
02:46How can I ask that when I'm talking to you
02:53Hello, it's Leonard code milky green dear lord, not milky green
02:59I
03:10What do you see what do you see the living room appears to be empty, okay?
03:14He must be in his bedroom. My spare glasses are in my bedroom on my dresser next to my bat signal
03:21I'm not going in there Raj. No way Jose
03:25I
03:27Can't do what I can't see anything. It's alright wireless minicam and Bluetooth headset will be your eyes
03:35Fine one more thing. This is a subsonic impact sensor
03:42If Sheldon gets out of bed and starts to walk this device will register it and send a signal to the laptop at that point
03:48Based on the geography of the apartment and the ambulatory speed of a sick Sheldon
03:52You'll have seven seconds to get out glasses or no glasses
03:55All my footsteps set it off. No, you'll be on your hands and knees now
04:00You'll need to get the sensor as close as you can to Sheldon's room. How do I carry it if I'm on my hands and knees?
04:11Stay low
04:13Bear left now keep true what it means go straight. They just say go straight
04:21Say go straight when you're giving bearings you say keep true
04:24All right, I
04:30Just hit my head keep true
04:40The picture's breaking up angle your head to the right
04:47Little more now just keep true
04:54All right close enough to Sheldon's room deploy the sensor
04:59Now turn it on it wasn't on
05:04Then why did I have to crawl? Oh, I guess he didn't
05:14Good from this point forward you will have to crawl. I know
05:24Hang on the sensors picking up something turn your head back
05:33You rat bastard
05:37Okay, the sensor would work
05:42You deliberately stuck me with Sheldon come on I had to you see what he's like Betty Betty I'm hungry
05:53Oh wait, but I'm hungry penny. Take me with you
06:11I'm all grilled cheese
06:13Dr. Hofstadter, dr. Cooper. Dr. Gable Hauser
06:17Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Dennis camp
06:19Dennis is a highly sought-after
06:22Doctoral candidate and we're hoping to have him do his graduate work here graduate work very impressive and he's only 15 years old
06:28Not bad. I myself started graduate school at 14. Well, I lost a year while my family is tunneling out of North Korea
06:38Advantage 10
06:41I thought maybe you boys could show Dennis around let him see why we're the best physics research facility in the country
06:47I already know you're not you don't have an open science grid computer or a free electron laser and the string theory research being
06:53Done. There's nothing but a dead end. Excuse me. That is my research and it is by no means a dead end
06:58Well, obviously you don't see it yet. But trust me you will
07:04Dennis we've discussed this we're in the process of updating our equipment and we welcome your input on our research goals
07:11And we've agreed to look the other way if you want to use up to 20% of the grant money you attract to smuggles your
07:15grandfather out of Pyongyang
07:19We want him here boys
07:21Make it happen. Yes, sir. You can count on us. We're on it. What the hell do you mean dead end? I
07:27Mean the whole landscape of false vacuums and string theory could be as large as 10 to the 500th power in addition
07:34Oh look chocolate milk. I
07:39Sense a disturbance in the force a bad feeling I have about this
07:45Next question. What is the quantum mechanical effect used in code data on hard disk drives?
07:51Howard and of course, the answer is giant magneto resistance, right? Hey, I buzzed in and I answered it's called teamwork
08:01Don't you think I should answer the engineering questions
08:03I am an engineer by that logic. I should answer all the anthropology questions because I'm a mammal
08:12Just ask another one, okay
08:15What artificial satellite has seen glimpses of Einstein's predicted frame-dragging and of course, it's gravity probe B
08:23Sheldon you have to let somebody else answer why because it's polite
08:28What do manners have to do with it? This is war
08:32Were the Romans polite when they salted the ground of Carthage to make sure nothing would ever grow again
08:38Leonard you said I only had to ask questions
08:41The
08:43Objective of the competition is to give correct answers if I know them
08:46Why shouldn't I give them some of us might have the correct answers to oh, please. You don't even have a PhD
08:52All right, that's it Howard sit down
08:58Okay, first of all what you call a gap was nearly three feet wide I slipped and skinned my knee are you okay
09:05Second of all the door to the stairwell of the other building was locked
09:09So I had to go down the fire escape which ends on the third floor
09:11Forcing me to crawl through the window of a lovely Armenian family who insisted I stay for lunch
09:17That doesn't sound too bad. It was eight courses of lamb and they tried to fix me up with their son
09:25Sorry not done by the time I finally got to work they given my shift away. Yeah, that's right
09:30I've lost an entire day's pay. Thanks to this this time machine
09:38The lights flashed in the dish spins you want to try it
09:43God you are grown men
09:45How could you waste your lives with these stupid toys and costumes and comic books and and now that that?
09:52again time machines
09:55Oh, please it's not a time machine if anything it looks like something Elton John would drive through the Everglades
10:06Come on guys push if I push any harder, I'm gonna give birth to my colon
10:19Take a break guys
10:21What are you doing, oh, you know just moving a time machine
10:27Yeah, okay neat but I really got to get to work so no problem
10:37Hang on but what about your time machine some things are more important than toys
10:52I'm scared. Don't worry, baby. I've got you Oh Leonard
11:18It's still my turn
11:21Hey Leonard, you left your underwear in the dryer downstairs
11:30Those are not mine
11:34Really they have your little name label in them
11:38No, I do I use those just to polish up my spearfishing equipment a
11:46Spearfish
11:51When I'm not crossbow hunting
11:57Penny this is Sheldon's twin sister missy missy. This is our neighbor penny. Hi. Wow, you don't look that much alike
12:03Can I get a hallelujah?
12:06Fraternal twins come from two separate eggs. They are no more alike than any other siblings
12:13Hey, guess what I've been accepted as a test subject for a new miracle drug to overcome pathological shyness
12:18Oh good for you Raj. Yes. I'm very hopeful. Hello, missy
12:33They mentioned there may be side effects
12:39I am she mother destroyer. I will have the woman
12:44Good morning you I was judo champion at math camp
12:48Alright, that's enough juvenile squabbling. You stop it. You stop it. I say
12:53I'm gonna settle this right now
12:56Neither of you are good enough for my sister. Who are you to decide that?
13:00He's the man of his family. You have to respect his wishes and you're out too, by the way, say what?
13:06It's nothing personal. I just prefer if my future niece or nephew didn't become flatulent every time they eat an Eskimo pie
13:18What are you so happy about I'm not happy it's the medication I can't stop smiling
13:26Take that you want some more
13:38Come on come on
13:45Yeah
13:48Selection at work, I weep for humanity. Excuse me while I go tell missy the good news
14:01Hey Leonard, oh hi Penny, how's it going?
14:03Listen that guy Mike that you were dating is that still going on pretty much why nothing just catching up by the way
14:08May I speak to missy, please?
14:11Of course
14:14Hi Leonard, what's up? Well since you're leaving tomorrow, I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner with me
14:19It's so sweet, but no, thanks. Oh
14:25Do you have other plans or no
14:31All right, enjoy the rest of your evening
14:43What do you want Howard I'm fine, thanks for asking
14:48I've come to call on missy missy
14:54Hi Howard the amazing Howard
14:58Do you like magic not really? No
15:02Then you are in for a treat
15:06Behold an ordinary cane
15:14No, no, okay
15:36Missy thank you. I a priest
15:43Please
15:48Oh, honey, is your medication wearing off
15:56Cutie pie, I was hoping you'd show up
16:13Oh
16:26So Leonard will we be seeing you on Saturday for your free birthday cheesecake, I can't eat cheesecake he's lactose intolerant
16:32Okay, he can have carrot cake. What about the cream cheese frosting? He can scrape it off
16:36Forget
16:38About the cake, how did you know that my birthday is Saturday? I did your horoscope
16:42Remember, I was gonna do everybody's until Sheldon went on one of his typical psychotic rants
16:47For the record that psychotic rant was a concise summation of the research of Bertram Forer who in 1948 proved
16:54Conclusively through meticulously designed experiments that astrology is nothing but pseudoscientific hokum blah blah blah typical Taurus
17:02So seriously, we're gonna see you Saturday, I don't think so. Why not? I don't celebrate my birthday. Shut up. Yeah, you do
17:08It's no big deal
17:09It's just the way I was raised my parents focused on celebrating achievements and being expelled from a birth canal was not considered one of them
17:18It's so silly. It's actually based on very sound theories. His mother published a paper on it. Well, what was it called?
17:24I hate my son and that's why he can't have cake
17:27It was obviously effective Leonard grew up to be an experimental physicist perhaps if she'd also denied him Christmas he'd be a little better at it
17:36Thank you
17:38Well, I love birthdays waking up to mom's special French toast breakfast wearing the birthday King crown playing laser tag with all my friends
17:47See, that's what kids should have actually that was last year
17:50So
17:54You've really never had a birthday party no, but it was okay
17:59I mean when I was little I'd think maybe my parents would change their mind and surprise me with a party like this one
18:04Birthday, I came home from my cello lesson and I saw a lot of strange cars parked out front when I got to the door
18:09I could hear people whispering and I could smell German chocolate cake, which is my favorite
18:15And it turns out my grandfather had died
18:20God that's terrible. Oh, it was kind of like a birthday party. I got to see all my cousins and there was cake
18:29It's the saddest thing I've ever heard you think go ahead tell her about your senior prom
18:37Penny listen, I've got a problem. Yeah. Well, so do I look you got a stall entered a little longer
18:41I don't think I can you have to we all have to be there at the same time to yell surprise
18:45Okay, you have to understand something. We're in a hospital right now. Why is Leonard? Okay
18:50Leonard it's fine. I'm fine. Thanks for asking by the way
18:54Okay, I don't need your attitude. Listen, just hold him there a little longer
18:57Look, I've done my best but he wants to go home and I don't know how to stop him
19:01Okay, how about this?
19:02You keep him there a little longer and when you get to the party, I'll point out which of my friends are easy
19:16Don't toy with me woman
19:20I got a hot former facker with no self-esteem
19:22I got a girl who punishes her father by sleeping around an alcoholic who's two tequila shots away from letting you wear her like a hat
19:31Thy will be done
19:42I'm doing this for you little buddy
19:51Excuse me. My friend is having an allergic reaction of peanuts. No, he's not. Yes. He is. Look sir. We are very busy here
19:58and I just
20:00Crap
20:19Some of the other waitresses wanted me to ask you something
20:21It's called tresling it combines the physical strength of arm wrestling with the mental agility of Tetris into the ultimate sport
20:28Yeah, that's terrific, but what they want me to ask you is to cut it the hell out
20:38We might as well stop it's a stalemate you're beating me in Tetris, but you've got the upper body strength of a Keebler elf
20:45I go to keep left right here
20:52Okay, it's a stalemate
20:54Excuse me. Do you know anything about this stuff? I know everything about this stuff
21:00I have my own wholesale flower business and I want to hook up my computer in the front entrance with the one in my
21:05Refrigerated warehouse here by this one. Look, it's the one we're getting see happy guy
21:10She needs a point-to-point peer network with a range extender. Thank you
21:16Which hard drive do I want firewire or USB? It depends on what bus you have available
21:25I drive a Chevy Cavalier. Oh
21:30Dear lord
21:32Now penny this poor man needs me you hold on I'll be right with you
21:36What computer do you have and please don't say a white one?
21:43Okay, we don't have that in stock
21:46But I can special order it for you
21:49Him excuse me, sir, you don't work here. Yes. Well, apparently neither does anyone else
21:58Sheldon we have to go why well for one thing relate for Leonard's birthday party and for another I told him to call security
22:06Good luck
22:10By the way a six-year-old could hack your computer system
22:14One two, three four is not a secure password
22:19I'm back
22:22I'm sorry. I yelled at you. It's not your fault
22:26What happened? Well, I went over to Mike's to make up with him. Yeah. No, I know that part
22:34But he had already moved on already. That was quick. That's what I said to the woman
22:45Penny I am so sorry
22:49Oh, you know you did throw an 80 gig iPod, yeah, no, how could he do that?
22:54I swear to God I am done with guys like that
22:59You know macho with the perfect body and the hair and the money. Yeah, that must get on quick
23:06You know just once I would like to go out with someone who is nice and honest and who actually cares about me
23:16What about me
23:18About you what?
23:22What about if you went out with me
23:27Are you asking me out? Um, yes, I am asking you out
23:35Wow, I
23:38Was just going off your comment about the nice guy no, I know and honest. Yeah, totally so but it's no big deal. Yes
23:45Yes, what yes, I will go out with you
23:54Really
23:57Yeah, why not I mean what do I have to lose yeah
24:05That's the spirit
24:16Hi, hi, come on in. Thank you
24:22You look very nice, thank you. So do you?
24:28I made an eight o'clock reservation. Okay. Yeah, great. Listen, um, maybe we should talk first
24:36In
24:431935 Erwin Schrodinger in an attempt to explain the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum physics
24:48He proposed an experiment where a cat is placed in a box with a sealed vial of poison that will break open at a random
24:55Time now since no one knows when or if the poison has been released
25:00Until the box is opened the cat can be thought of is both alive and dead
25:07I
25:10I'm sorry. I don't get the point. Of course, you don't get it. I haven't made it yet
25:16You have to be psychic to get it and there's no such thing as psychic
25:20Just like Schrodinger's cat your potential relationship with Leonard right now can be thought of as both good and bad
25:27It is only by opening the box that you'll find out which it is
25:31Okay, so you're saying I should go out with Leonard no, no, no, no, no
25:38Let me start again in 1935
25:41Sheldon I think I've made a mistake
25:43I can see that unless you're planning on running a marathon choosing both stuffing and mashed potatoes is a starch filled redundancy
25:50No, it's about penny the mistake involving penny
25:55Okay, you'll have to narrow it down. I
25:58Don't think I can go out with her tonight and don't
26:02Other people would say why not other people might be interested
26:08I'm gonna talk. Anyway, I assume you would
26:12Now that I'm actually about to go out with penny I'm not excited I'm
26:16Nauseous. Ah, then your meal choice is appropriate starch absorbs fluid which reduces the amount of vomit available for violent expulsion
26:24Sheldon this date is probably my one chance with penny. What happens if I blow it?
26:29Well, if we accept your premise and also accept the highly improbable assumption that penny is the only woman in the world for you
26:36Then we can logically conclude that the result of blowing it would be that you end up a lonely bitter old man with no progeny
26:42The image of any number of evil lighthouse keepers from Scooby-Doo cartoons comes to mind
26:47Tell me whether or not to go through with the date
26:50Schrodinger's cat
26:52Wow, that's brilliant
26:55You sound surprised
27:07You