Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00They're doing everything for you because you're leading them on.
00:02So I let them do stuff for me.
00:05They're happy, I get stuff, who cares?
00:08And how's it any different from what you do?
00:12Excuse me?
00:14I've seen you around them.
00:16Are you pretending like you don't do the exact same thing?
00:19Okay, lady.
00:20You are way out of line.
00:24Oh, I'm out of line?
00:26Yeah, you're out of line.
00:28Well, what are you going to do about it, bitch?
00:35I like Green Lantern.
00:37I'm just saying it's pretty lame that he can be defeated by the color yellow.
00:41Only the modern Green Lantern is vulnerable to yellow.
00:45Golden Age Green Lantern was vulnerable to wood.
00:47Great, so I can take them both out with a number two pencil?
00:51No! Get out!
00:56Oh my God, girl fight!
01:00What are you doing?
01:01I know you, you're stupid enough to break it up.
01:05Wait, is this your card or isn't it?
01:12Trust me, this was their card.
01:14I thought you were good at this.
01:16You're always talking about how you go to bars and meet women.
01:19I do, all the time.
01:21Well, what happened?
01:23I'm sitting here all night and the longest conversation you've had with a woman was when your mom called.
01:33Wow, you're just going to make me come out and say it, aren't you?
01:36Say what?
01:37You're weighing me down.
01:42I'm a falcon who hunts better solo.
01:46Fine, I'll sit here, you take flight and hunt.
01:51Don't be ridiculous, you can't just tell a falcon when to hunt.
01:55Actually, you can.
01:58There's a whole sport built around it.
02:02Falconry.
02:07Shut up.
02:09Let's just get Cthulhu and go.
02:16Lucky bastard.
02:21It's got to be that stupid accent of his.
02:26Hello, I'm Sanjay Wolowitz from Bombay.
02:32Okay, I'm stumped.
02:33Everything has to do with sex.
02:35Mmm, testify.
02:39I'm not touching that.
02:42Leslie, you are way off base here.
02:45Hang on, Leonard.
02:46Well, I have no respect for Leslie as a scientist, or a human being for that matter.
02:51We have to concede her undeniable expertise in the interrelated fields of promiscuity and general sluttiness.
03:00My point is that Tinkerbell just needs to get her some.
03:04Some what?
03:05Oh, yes, some sexual intercourse.
03:07I'll take the bullet.
03:11Excuse me, this whole idea is insane.
03:13Yeah, yeah, enough debate. I'm going to take action.
03:16Excuse me.
03:18Are you currently involved in a sexual relationship?
03:23No.
03:24Would you like to be?
03:28Uh, sure, why not?
03:31Sheldon?
03:32Pip-pip-pip.
03:33Sheldon?
03:34Pip-pip-pip.
03:36Can I have your phone number?
03:41Uh, yeah.
03:44Yeah.
03:54There, problem solved.
03:59Dumbass.
04:01Oh, boy.
04:05What?
04:06I can't comment without violating our agreement that I not criticize your work.
04:11Then what was oh, boy?
04:13Great restraint on my part.
04:17There's nothing wrong with the science here.
04:19Perhaps you mean a different thing than I do when you say science.
04:30Okay, how's that?
04:32You actually had it right in the first place.
04:36Once again, you've fallen for one of my classic pranks.
04:40Bazinga.
04:47Well, now, here's a peculiar email.
04:49The president of the university wants me to meet him in his office tomorrow morning at 8 a.m.
04:53Why?
04:54Doesn't say.
04:55Must be an emergency.
04:57Everyone at the university knows I ate breakfast at 8 and moved my bowels at 8.20.
05:03Yes, how did we live before Twitter?
05:08I guess you'll find out what it is in the morning.
05:10Well, that's 14 hours away.
05:12And for the next 840 minutes, I'm effectively one of Heisenberg's particles.
05:16I know where I am, or I know how fast I'm going, but I can't know both.
05:20How am I supposed to carry on with this huge, annoying thing hovering over my head?
05:25Yeah, I know the feeling.
05:26Okay, I got a box, but there's no key in here, just letters.
05:29That's the wrong box. Put it back.
05:31Oh, Sheldon, are these letters from your grandmother?
05:34Don't read those letters.
05:36Oh, look, she calls you Moon Pie. That is so cute.
05:39Put down the letters!
05:44Hey, Penny, it's Leonard.
05:46Hey, Leonard, how's the train ride?
05:48Delightful.
05:50Listen, I don't know what you're doing right now,
05:52but there are little bubbles forming in the corner of Sheldon's mouth.
05:55Okay, yeah, I kind of crossed a line. Put him back on.
06:01I'm back.
06:02What up, Moon Pie?
06:04No one calls me Moon Pie but Meemaw.
06:09Hey, Penny, Leonard again.
06:13Okay, I found the box. Now what?
06:15You're holding a Japanese puzzle box, which takes 10 precise moves to open.
06:21First, locate the panel with the diamond pattern
06:24and slide the center portion one millimeter to the left.
06:28Then, on the opposite end of the box,
06:30slide the entire panel down two millimeters.
06:33You'll hear a slight click.
06:35Hang on, Sheldon, do you have any emotional attachment to this box?
06:39No, it's a novelty I ordered off the Internet.
06:41Did you hear the click?
06:43Not yet.
06:48There it is.
06:50Forget I told you about Moony not graduating from community college, okay?
06:55Forget? You want me to forget? This mind does not forget.
06:59I haven't forgotten a single thing since the day my mother stopped breastfeeding me.
07:04It was a drizzly Tuesday.
07:06Okay, look, you promised me you would keep my secret,
07:09so you're just gonna have to figure out a way to do it.
07:13Leonard, I'm moving out.
07:20Which the people's mouse now makes its home.
07:26Who is it?
07:30Oh, hello, Penny. It's open. Come in.
07:36Sarcasm.
07:39Well, they're all still up there.
07:41You think I can't hear them?
07:43Listen to that. Stomp, stomp, stomp.
07:45It's Wolowitz and his stacked heels that fool no one.
07:50I don't even know why I care. I don't care.
07:54You know, Penny, there's something that occurs in beehives you might find interesting.
07:59Occasionally, a new queen will arrive while the old queen is still in power.
08:04When this happens, the old queen must either locate to a new hive
08:09or engage in a battle to the death until only one queen remains.
08:15What are you saying?
08:17That I'm threatened by Alicia, that I'm like the old queen of the hive
08:20and it's just time for me to go?
08:22I'm just talking about bees.
08:25They're on the Discovery Channel.
08:28What are you talking about?
08:32Bees?
08:34Leonard, could you pick me up a few comics for my nephew's birthday?
08:37Sure. What is he like?
08:39I don't know. He's 13. Just pick out anything.
08:41Just pick out anything?
08:44Or maybe at the same time we can pick out a new suit for him without knowing his size.
08:48Or pick out his career for him without knowing his aptitude.
08:51Or pick out a new breakfast cereal without knowing his fiber requirements.
08:55Or his feelings about little marshmallows.
09:00Spider-Man. Get him Spider-Man.
09:02Amazing Spider-Man. Ultimate Spider-Man. Spectacular Spider-Man.
09:05The Marvelous Adventures of Spider-Man. Spider-Man 2099.
09:09Leonard?
09:10You know this can go on all night. Why don't you just come with us?
09:14That's what I was trying to avoid.
09:18Oh, I forgot Sensational Spider-Man.
09:24Aw, what a cute little store.
09:30Everybody's staring at me.
09:34Don't worry. They're more scared of you than you are of them.
09:38Unlikely.
09:42Here. What about this one for my nephew?
09:44A superb choice.
09:46Oh, great.
09:47Yeah, provided he has already read Infinite Crisis and 52
09:50and is familiar with the reestablishment of the DC multiverse.
09:55What's a multiverse?
09:57Get her out of here.
10:00Come on. I'll help you pick something.
10:04That's right. She's with us.
10:08Guys like that are so pathetic.
10:12Tell me about it.
10:14Ooh, look. A new Batman belt buckle.
10:16Okay, let me guess.
10:18Quesadilla with soy cheese for the lactose intolerant Leonard.
10:22Shrimp Caesar salad with no almonds for the highly allergic, kosher,
10:25only on the high holidays Howard.
10:27And for our suddenly back on the Hindu wagon Raj,
10:30meat lover's pizza, no meat.
10:34Coming right up.
10:35Wait, excuse me.
10:37You forgot my barbecue bacon cheeseburger.
10:39Barbecue sauce, bacon, and cheese on the side.
10:42Oh, I didn't tell you?
10:44You're banished from the Cheesecake Factory.
10:47Why?
10:48Well, you have three strikes.
10:51One, coming in. Two, sitting down.
10:53And three, I don't like your attitude.
10:56You can't do that.
10:57Not only is it a violation of California state law,
10:59it flies directly in the face of Cheesecake Factory policy.
11:02Yeah, I know. There's a new policy.
11:04No shoes, no shirt, no Sheldon.
11:08I bet we could sell that sign all over Pasadena.
11:15The problem appears to be unsolvable.
11:17Maybe we could run some computer simulations.
11:19There are too many variables. It would take forever.
11:22We've got to be missing something.
11:24Let's start again.
11:26The movie is playing here at 720, here at 740,
11:29here at 810, and here at 845.
11:32All right, these theaters have to be eliminated.
11:34Why? They're state-of-the-art.
11:36Digital projection, 20-channel surround sound.
11:38Yes, but they have no icy machines.
11:42Despite my aggressive letter-writing campaign, I might add.
11:46What about the multiplex here? The seats are terrific.
11:48They have Twizzlers instead of Red Vines.
11:50No amount of lumbar support can compensate for that.
11:54Well, it's going to take at least an hour to eat,
11:56and I don't see a Sheldon-approved restaurant
11:58proximate to a Sheldon-approved theater.
12:00We could eat after the movie.
12:02Unacceptable. The delay would result in tomorrow morning's
12:05bowel movement occurring at work.
12:08Hang on, hang on. There's a 7-Eleven here.
12:11We smuggle Slurpees, which are essentially icies,
12:14in under our coats after having a pleasant meal
12:16either here, here, or here.
12:20Wow. I don't see how we missed that.
12:22Excuse me, in what universe are Slurpees icies?
12:27That's how we missed it.
12:30Sheldon, would you be prepared on a non-presidential basis
12:33to create an emergency ad hoc Slurpee icy equivalency?
12:36Oh, Leonard, you know I can't do that.
12:41Okay, I guess we only have one option.
12:43Yep, I don't see any way around it.
12:46Bye, Sheldon. See ya.
12:47Later, dude.
12:48They're right. It was the only option.