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00:00The first 43 parallel universes I've checked proved to be empty.
00:09I see no reason to suspect universe number 44 will be any different.
00:14What the hell are you doing?
00:40You said I'm not using my space, so I'm using it.
00:49Okay you need to move now.
00:50No I don't.
00:52You can't stay there forever.
00:55Actually I have a plastic baggie strapped to my leg that says I can.
01:00Give up, Wolowitz.
01:03You've chosen to tangle with a superior intellect you can't defeat.
01:07There is nothing you could possibly do to...
01:18Those aren't going to help you, Sheldon.
01:19Oh yes they are.
01:20I mean, why?
01:21I'm warning you, Sheldon.
01:25Your threats are empty.
01:27Nothing can move me.
01:28Stop that.
01:29Get out of my spot.
01:30No.
01:31That's it.
01:32I am calling campus security.
01:34You prepare for the scolding of your life.
01:37What are you idiots doing?
01:40He's trying to kill me, Leonard.
01:42Video games and rock music have desensitized him to violence.
01:45Would you please talk some sense into your lunatic roommate?
01:50You're both acting like lunatics.
01:52It's just a parking spot.
01:53It's not just a parking spot.
01:55He can't handle the fact that I'm a bigger deal than he is now.
01:58Oh, preposterous.
02:00I have been solely responsible for this university's six-loop quantum gravity calculations.
02:05I have changed the way we think about Bose-Einstein condensates.
02:08And I am also the one who got Nutter Butters in the cafeteria vending machine.
02:14Maybe you missed that news while you were floating around like a goof in outer space.
02:19Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.
02:23Can you believe this guy?
02:25What I don't believe is that you tried to run him over.
02:27Oh, like you've never thought of doing that.
02:30Don't hate me just because I lived the dream.
02:36Hey, sweet ride.
02:42What are you doing in there?
02:43Just breaking in your new car.
02:49Stop that. You stop that.
02:51You know what they say. Revenge is a dish best served nude.
02:55I know she loves playing the harp.
02:57So, I found this beautiful music box that plays one of her favorite songs.
03:06Now, Amy already has a real harp.
03:09And it can play any song.
03:13What are you trying to pull here?
03:16No, I just thought it would be...
03:17Next.
03:20Okay.
03:21Um, I know she's a fan of the Canterbury Tales.
03:24So, I found this cool map that illustrates the character's journey through England.
03:31I thought we could put it in a really nice frame.
03:34But she's got Google Maps on her phone.
03:41I don't know how to respond to that.
03:44Well, I hope it's with a third good option, because these first two...
03:49Okay, well, luckily I saved the best for last.
03:54Since Amy's a neuroscientist, I did some research and found out that Santiago Ramon y Cajal,
03:59the father of modern neuroscience, did lots of hand drawings of brain cells.
04:04And I managed to find this signed print.
04:10Wow.
04:12Oh, this is truly remarkable.
04:16I think I'll keep it for myself.
04:22What about your girlfriend?
04:23It's too late. I called dibs.
04:25It's really you.
04:31Mr. Jeffers, I am so sorry.
04:33We should have told you about the broken elevator.
04:36I agree.
04:39Professor Proton, it's an honor to meet you.
04:42Just call me Mr. Proton.
04:45Just call me Arthur.
04:47Leonard.
04:50Did you hear that?
04:52Professor Proton said I should call him Arthur.
04:55That means we're friends.
04:58No, a friend would have told me about the elevator.
05:05Look at me.
05:09I can get as close to you as I want without my mom saying it's going to ruin my eyes.
05:16Is he dangerous?
05:21Actually, he's a genius.
05:24I am.
05:27That doesn't answer my question.
05:31Mr. Jeffers, I'm Leonard.
05:33This is my girlfriend, Penny.
05:34Hi.
05:35Hello.
05:36Hello.
05:40Well, I hope I haven't kept the kids waiting too long for the show.
05:45Oh, no, there are no kids.
05:47No, the show's for me.
05:50Come on. Aratia.
05:53Arthur.
05:59Is the blonde girl really your girlfriend?
06:02Yes, sir.
06:03You're the genius.
06:06Would you like to hear a classic Sheldon Cooper factoid?
06:10What do you think?
06:11Great.
06:13I've been doing some reading about vehicular safety.
06:17Did you know that the highest number of drowning accidents happen on or around boats?
06:25Interesting that you would bring that up when I might go work on a boat.
06:29Well, that's the thing about factoids. They're interesting.
06:33I know what you're doing.
06:36You don't want me going on this research trip because you're afraid to be alone.
06:40Well, I'm not afraid to be alone. On land.
06:45On the sea, it would be terrifying.
06:49Because of all the drowning.
06:53Sheldon.
06:54No, fine. No more drowning talk. I'll change the subject.
06:58Who do you think would win in a fight?
07:02You or a shark?
07:06Look, I appreciate your signature blend of concern for me and incredible selfishness.
07:12If I get the chance to do this, there's nothing you can say that's going to stop me.
07:17Very well.
07:20Things between you and Penny have never been better.
07:23I hope four months apart doesn't change anything.
07:27I should have opened with that, huh?
07:32This cushion experienced a nude revenge wiggle.
07:38What?
07:40A naked man sat on it.
07:42Now, here's my concern.
07:44His diet is rich in fatty deli meats.
07:48What tests do you have to detect lipid residue?
07:52What tests do you have to detect lipid residue?
07:56Lipid what?
07:59Lipid residue.
08:01An anal autograph.
08:04A colon calling card, if you will.
08:10Tuesday, okay.
08:13Now, don't rush it. We may be dealing with befoulment on a molecular level.
08:18Why hasn't Stephen Hawking played a word?
08:22The guy's a genius. Maybe you weren't challenging enough for him.
08:25Not challenging. I was humiliating the man.
08:28Yeah, I was thinking of writing a book called
08:30A Brief History of the Time I Made Stephen Hawking Cry Like a Little Girl.
08:35Here's the problem.
08:37You can't beat Hawking like that. He hates to lose.
08:40Everyone knows the guy's a big baby.
08:42Forget the wheelchair. He should be in a stroller.
08:49Really?
08:50One time, when I was working with him,
08:52he said that Johnny Depp was in The Matrix.
08:55I told him he was wrong, but he kept insisting,
08:58so I looked it up online and showed him.
09:00Well, the next day, he had a pizza party,
09:03and everyone got invited but me.
09:08And then he was all,
09:09Your invitation must have gotten lost in The Matrix.
09:14Good Lord, what have I done?
09:17Good Lord, what have I done?
09:23Terrible.
09:26All right, hotshot, let's hear your Indian.
09:28I can't sit on that elephant.
09:30My ass is on fire from eating all this curry.
09:38Okay, yeah, that's pretty good.
09:40Okay, yeah, that's pretty good.
09:43Let me see if I have this straight.
09:46You two are physicists,
09:50and you want me to do a children's science show.
09:58Yes.
10:00And if there's time,
10:01take 12 pictures with us in seasonal clothing.
10:11You know, I'm a real scientist.
10:13I have a PhD from Cornell University.
10:17Yeah, that's great.
10:18Did you bring your puppet?
10:21No, no.
10:24I hate that puppet.
10:28Oh, no.
10:30How could anybody hate Geno the Neutrino?
10:35It's nice, huh?
10:37I got him for 20 bucks on eBay.
10:39Loading and shipping!
10:44I'm awake, right?
10:50This is happening.
10:53Here we are.
10:54Yep.
10:57Really gonna miss you.
10:58Gonna miss you, too.
11:00Penny, we're in the red zone.
11:03You see, the white zone is for loading and unloading.
11:06We're breaking the law.
11:09Okay, there's no space in the white zone, so...
11:11Anyway, we can email,
11:14and I think the phone connections are pretty good.
11:16All right, you have to get out of the car right now.
11:17I'm not going to jail for you.
11:19I think just relax.
11:20Oh, I see a space in the white zone.
11:22Quick, circle the airport.
11:25Did you bring enough inhalers?
11:27Yeah.
11:28And extra Dramamine?
11:29You remember what happened on It's a Small World?
11:33No, I'm covered.
11:34Okay.
11:35Oh, dear Lord,
11:36a police officer's glancing in our direction.
11:38I'm afraid.
11:41Calm down, I'm getting out.
11:44I have something I want to give you.
11:45Oh, Leonard.
11:46All right, it's just a heart-shaped lock
11:47with a picture of Leonard's face in it.
11:48You got them all on clearance.
11:49Now move, move, move.
11:54I love you.
11:56I love you, too.
12:00Don't worry, officer.
12:01They just love each other.
12:03We're not smuggling drugs.
12:06I've never played Dungeons and Dragons with girls before.
12:10Oh, don't worry, sweetie.
12:11No one has.
12:16So, what do you say?
12:19I'll leave it up to the dungeon master.
12:23A satanic fungus
12:26that looks suspiciously like Al Pacino
12:29rises from the forest floor and says,
12:32You're playing D&D.
12:35You're playing D&D.
12:37This whole apartment
12:41is playing D&D.
12:47What are you doing in our dungeon?
12:52You shall die.
12:56Okay, literal goosebumps, look.
13:00What do you do?
13:01I draw my broadsword.
13:03I ready my quarterstaff.
13:04I drink my potion.
13:09I say we attack the big one.
13:10You know what, give me the dice.
13:11I want to roll.
13:12The dungeon master is supposed to roll.
13:14Yeah, well, I'm supposed to be in Vegas
13:16throwing up on a shrimp buffet.
13:17No, give it.
13:20All right, what do I need?
13:22Fifteen or higher.
13:24Fifteen's the point.
13:25The point is fifteen.
13:26Give the little lady some room.
13:27Here it is, coming out.
13:29Sixteen!
13:33Oh, please tell me we're playing for money.
13:35Oh, even better than money.
13:37You gained experience points.
13:41More potion, please.
13:42Yeah.
13:43Anything I can get for you?
13:44Some apple juice?
13:46Some jello?
13:47No, no, thank you.
13:49But I do have a favor to ask.
13:52Name it.
13:54Well, I'm booked to do a children's party tomorrow
13:57and frankly, I don't feel up to it.
14:01No, you're not.
14:03You look awful.
14:11Anyway, I mean, you know my act better than anybody.
14:16I was hoping that maybe you'd fill in for me.
14:21Are you saying that you want me to be Professor Proton?
14:25Yeah.
14:26Oh, my.
14:28What an honor.
14:29Oh, this is like being asked to ascend Mount Olympus and dine with the gods.
14:36Or a Korean family in Alhambra.