The Wonton Don | The Wonton Don
Category
🥇
SportsTranscript
00:00You've all arrived in Turkey, balding losers, but we will leave this country winners.
00:08Everyone was supposed to stay sober I guess today, we all got tagged.
00:13Look at that face, he's going to pop off the table and attack me.
00:17It's a lot of pressure.
00:18Nobody said it would be easy.
00:19Full hearts, full heads, can't lose, Surefi!
00:26A few years ago, I filmed a travel series in Turkey and I fell in love with the city of Istanbul.
00:32It has a rich history, once being the capital of the Byzantine and Ottoman Empires.
00:36Stunning architecture like the Hagia Sophia and the Grand Bazaar.
00:40It's the world's crossroads.
00:42Now on my way home from the country, I noticed everybody sitting around me had bandages wrapped around their heads.
00:48And that's when I learned that it's the number one destination for high quality, low cost hair transplants.
00:53And oh boy, did I know a lot of people who could use one of those.
00:57So I was the first person to agree to come to Turkey with you.
01:00We actually started talking about this, believe it or not, in the Dominican Republic, which was almost two years ago now.
01:05I was the first person to take White Sox Dave out of the country.
01:09He had just gotten a passport, so we went to the Dominican Republic to watch their World Series.
01:14And despite the fact he got food poisoning.
01:16I'm going to take a piss in my pants.
01:20Dude's about to explode in his pants.
01:23And then came down with COVID.
01:26We had a blast.
01:27You know, I've done so many solo trips.
01:29I really do enjoy traveling with people.
01:31Now around this time, it came to my attention how rough Dave's hair situation was.
01:44It plateaued for a minute and it wasn't bad.
01:47And then all of a sudden it just went off a ski slope.
01:50It seemed like every other month a photo leaked.
01:52That was just devastating for him.
01:54When there are less than flattering photos of me floating around the Internet, it doesn't feel good.
01:59When you see yourself every day in the mirror, it doesn't seem like you're as bald as you actually are.
02:04But the Internet's the Internet.
02:05It is what it is.
02:07I'm short.
02:08I'm overweight.
02:09I'm intellectually inferior to most people.
02:13And my hair sucks.
02:14I started to think, what if I brought him to Turkey?
02:18I talked to Dave about it and he was fully on board.
02:21I was excited to give him a new lease on life.
02:23And once we started talking about this trip idea publicly, everybody came out of the woodworks.
02:28First realized I was balding when I moved my bed in like 2016.
02:32A lot of hair under it.
02:33So at Camp Barstool, there was a drone incident.
02:36You read about it in the news and you're like, oh, another drone incident.
02:39It's sad.
02:40Never did I think that at Camp Barstool in beautiful Wisconsin at a lake that would I be drone struck.
02:46I hear a little buzzing above my head and I look up and there's a drone just right at high noon.
02:51Oh, no, no, we can't be doing this.
02:54We can't be doing the drone shot on top of Rudy's head.
02:57And it was just it was just staring right down the hole like the Sarlacc pit in Star Wars.
03:01And then I saw the footage and it was devastating.
03:06What's wrong with my hair?
03:08My hair is, as you can see, not good.
03:11Everything about it sucks ass.
03:13Bad genetics wanted to be better before my wedding, which is next November.
03:18After shaving my head, the entire office clown made fun of my hairline.
03:21You even called me Mickey Smokes because my hairline shaped like an M.
03:25Yeah, the guy looks like Mickey Mouse.
03:27So when Wanton the Don said, hey, we're going to Turkey to get transplants, it was a no brainer.
03:32Do you think your girlfriend will love you more after you get hair transplants?
03:35Um, that's a tough question right now, Donnie.
03:38We did just break up yesterday.
03:40Oh, shit.
03:41Okay.
03:42Sorry.
03:43I brought that up.
03:44Yeah.
03:45Sorry.
03:46Okay.
03:47Keep that internal.
03:48All right.
03:49Well, you can leave it in.
03:52I think the hair plugs will positively improve my life in almost every fashion.
03:56Who doesn't want to have a great head of hair?
03:58People say, you know, like cosmetic stuff.
04:00It doesn't matter.
04:01Like it matters within.
04:02That's not true.
04:03Not in today's America.
04:04You have to be sexy.
04:05Girls love flow.
04:07Girls bring confidence.
04:08Hair plugs equals confidence.
04:09I'm excited to take away that one thing the internet trolls, one of the few things the internet trolls have on me.
04:16Everyone was locked in for a trip to Turkey.
04:19But now came the hard part.
04:21Yikes.
04:22Figuring out which of the many clinics in Istanbul we should trust for such a life changing procedure.
04:27But after extensive research, the choice was clear.
04:31Estee Novey.
04:33Not only did they have an impressive track record of successful hair transplantation,
04:37they also seemed extremely excited to host some of the fine men of barstool sports.
04:42So we scheduled a time for all of us to meet the doctor and receive an online consultation.
04:47Everyone, this is Donnie.
04:49And you will be doing all of the medical consultations one after the other.
04:54David.
04:55Hi.
04:56Hello.
04:57How's it going, doctor?
04:58I've had a winter hat on today, so I look extra gnarly.
05:00And also the crown part.
05:02Can I see?
05:03I cannot see.
05:05Let's see.
05:06Can you help me with this, Donnie?
05:08Yes.
05:09We will work a high density to the frontal line and increase density to other areas.
05:15Perfect.
05:16Thank you, doctor.
05:17You're welcome.
05:18Next man up.
05:19This is Edward.
05:21A little different for me.
05:22That guy, he needs a whole new turf field.
05:24I just need a little refurbishing, you know?
05:26Mainly the crown area.
05:28Is it true?
05:29Yeah, crown.
05:30Did you have any kind of surgery before?
05:33I had surgery on my scrotum one time, but that was in high school.
05:38Okay.
05:39We can cut that.
05:40Okay.
05:41You don't know how many grafts until I get there, right?
05:44I think 2,500 or maybe 3,000 grafts is enough for you.
05:50How many did the last guy need?
05:51That guy, what, 10,000?
05:53No, it's all right.
05:54You don't have to tell me.
05:55Okay.
05:58All right.
05:59Smokes, you're up.
06:00How we doing?
06:01Do you smoke?
06:02No.
06:03No.
06:04Do you drink alcohol?
06:05Yes.
06:06Okay.
06:07Do you have any questions?
06:12Yeah.
06:13Does it hurt?
06:14During the local anesthesia part, yes, you feel pain, but the local anesthesia part will
06:21be continue five to 10 minutes, not too much.
06:24After local anesthesia, maybe you can be sleep.
06:28No problem.
06:29Okay.
06:30All right.
06:32Next up, we have Rudolph.
06:33Now, my only question is, do you guys have to cut all my hair off?
06:36We have to shave your donor area, yes.
06:39Okay.
06:40Did you have any kind of surgery before?
06:43Yes, I've had shoulder surgery, elbow surgery, shin surgery, appendicitis, wisdom teeth,
06:51two crowns put in.
06:53I think that's it.
06:54Okay.
06:55Yeah, quite a few.
06:57Yeah, you had too much operation.
06:59Yeah, I know.
07:00Hockey player.
07:01Hockey, yeah.
07:02I'll do that.
07:03Your vital peaks look beautiful.
07:05Oh, thank you.
07:06We just got one more.
07:08Okay, Jack.
07:09I am Dr. Zafer.
07:10How are you?
07:11Hi, good.
07:12How are you?
07:13I don't want to change your frontal line because the other areas, it may be a little bit weak.
07:20For you, we need approximately 4,500 grafts, maybe a little bit more.
07:27I'm getting married in November of next year, November 1st of next year.
07:31Do you think that this would be recovered in time?
07:33One year later, approximately.
07:35Yeah.
07:36Yeah, one year.
07:37Six months later, you will be good.
07:39Okay, I just wanted to make sure.
07:41Thank you very much.
07:42No problem at all.
07:44Let me know if you guys have any more questions for me.
07:47How do you think that went?
07:48I thought it went really well.
07:50I was glad to hear that all I need is my corners done.
07:53I think I need the least work out of the group, so that's saying something.
07:57Hen Jack might need the most work.
07:59Really?
08:00Yeah.
08:01Is he cooked here or everywhere?
08:03Yeah, he's cooked up top.
08:05I think Dave's having a good hair day because they were like, we can fix that.
08:08I thought they were going to be overwhelmed and be like, oh, shit.
08:10No, what are you talking about overwhelmed?
08:12No, I can't take my hat off right now.
08:14I got to wear a hat.
08:15It'll be all nappy.
08:16They claim that you are very fixable.
08:18See?
08:19Poor noise said I'm broken beyond repair.
08:22He's far gone.
08:23You can't fix him.
08:25And there's nobody in Turkey, no Turkish doctor is going to be like, oh, we can't help you.
08:29He could come out of there totally deformed with no recourse, like fingers coming out of his ears, head.
08:36They're not going to be like, here, keep your money.
08:38We can't fix your head.
08:39He may be a half a head guy when he comes out of there.
08:42So I do not need a hair transplant.
08:44This flow has been treating me very well.
08:47It's one of my best assets, I'd say.
08:50But I feel for people that lose their hair young.
08:53And I'm honored to be leading so many people on this journey.
08:57Not only Barstool employees, but we have eight or nine stoolies coming on board.
09:01While planning the trip, it dawned on me that Barstool's core fan base is comprised of 25 to 35-year-old balding dudes
09:08who would probably give a nut to join us on our Turkish adventure.
09:11So after confirming that Este Nove would be happy to accommodate more people,
09:16I posted a tweet to gauge interest.
09:18And in response, must have received around 400 emails.
09:22Now, my original plan was to vet these stoolies.
09:25Have everybody sort of send in an application and a video explaining why they think they deserve a spot on this trip.
09:31It came up so fast, I didn't have time to do that.
09:33So I was just like, hey, if you can afford it and you can make those dates work, you're in.
09:37What's up, guys? My name is Noah.
09:39Hey, guys. My name is Jake.
09:41What's up, fellas? This is Howie from Toronto, Canada.
09:44I'm almost 30 years old and already losing all of my hair.
09:47I was actually planning on doing this trip next summer to Turkey.
09:51I saw Wantandan's tweet and I figured, why not let Barstool plan the trip? It'll be a lot more fun.
09:56Decided to pull the trigger because of all this I got missing.
09:59I've always thought about it, but I've been kind of into a bit of a pussy to do it.
10:02I'm getting married in July, so I decided to pull the trigger on the procedure.
10:07I figured now is as good a time as any.
10:10What really pulled the trigger for me was I had a family photo of my wife and I, and our soon-to-be 3-year-old son.
10:18And there was just this angle, and the way my head looked wasn't great, wasn't a fan of it.
10:25I've been losing my hair for about 10 years.
10:28Decided to get some pluggies on this head, rebuild the hairline.
10:32Thanks, Donny, for organizing this whole trip.
10:35So I don't know these guys at all.
10:37It's a little daunting that there's 9 strangers that are flying to Turkey, and they're going to be looking at me to take care of them.
10:44I think this is great for the stories. I think you're doing a humanitarian thing, honestly.
10:48My only concern with having 8 or 9 random stories on board isn't that it's like, oh, we're these weird fans that we don't know.
10:55I'm not worried about that. I'm just worried about it being kind of awkward.
10:58I'm going to have to introduce myself at a Turkish airport. There's no script out on that.
11:01Like, hey, what are you doing here? Oh, duh.
11:06I have this very special ability to judge you based on what you look like.
11:11So I took one look at all these guys' faces, and I know that we're traveling with a bunch of good dudes.
11:16They're just like us, a bunch of bald, slightly overweight guys that probably love football and chicken wings and America, right?
11:24At least one of them's Canadian.
11:25Okay. North America.
11:27Hey, guys. Paolo here, 39 years old, from Montreal, Quebec, Canada.
11:31The reason behind me wanting to get a hair transplant is mainly due to the fact that I'm somewhat a little vain,
11:38and that I somewhat a little want to continue feeling attractive to women.
11:43I also absolutely can't pull off the shaved head look.
11:47A lot of my balding friends have gone down that route, and I think I'd die before I joined them there.
11:53I'm a little nervous about the whole, you know, traveling overseas and all that.
11:57I mean, I've done it before, but just general travel anxiety.
12:00I'm not too worried about the travel itself, but I am worried about ending up with some kind of physical deformity
12:06or experiencing complications and having some sort of disfigurement.
12:10Kind of just nervous about looking like a naked mole rat at the end of it, but who cares, man?
12:15We're all in this together, so looking forward to it.
12:18I have concerns about this trip because I think I'm in a situation where I might pull out at the 11th hour.
12:27We're all super excited for the trip, super excited to meet the boys, super excited for a new hairline.
12:32And, yeah, go Hoosiers.
12:34Nine stoolies were officially on board, and the flights were booked.
12:37It was time to transport ourselves to transplant land.
12:41All right, it is Black Friday. We're all fresh off a Thanksgiving feast.
12:45We're done with Turkey the animal. We're on to Turkey the country.
12:49How are we feeling?
12:51I feel very nervous about the flight, if I'm being honest.
12:54Lots of movies, lots of nicotine. I hope there is nicotine allowed in Turkey.
12:59Lots of NyQuil. I hope NyQuil is allowed in Turkey.
13:02I'm just going to sleep as much as possible, basically.
13:04Personally, I don't mind long flights at all.
13:07I usually get drunk for them. You guys aren't supposed to get drunk?
13:10No, me and Rudy are good because we get it on Tuesday.
13:1372 hours.
13:14All right, well, I'm going to be crushing termies.
13:16I'm worried about Dave causing an international incident.
13:18I guarantee you White Sox Dave is going to end up at an embassy.
13:22Going up front?
13:23No, I think Rudy says he needs up front or he gets car sick.
13:37Just met our first stoolie.
13:39What's up?
13:40What's your name again?
13:41Noah.
13:42Noah? Happy to have you on board.
13:44Happy to be here. Cheers.
13:46Cheers.
13:47You excited?
13:48More than excited.
13:51Waiting for our flight over to Turkey.
13:53Red eye, 10 hours on the plane.
13:55Dave is such a boomer.
13:56Here, would you look at my camera?
13:59There he is.
14:03I have lounge access, not to brag.
14:05It's not like we're in the lounge.
14:09All right, everybody take one last sip of the ceremonial termie.
14:13To having hair.
14:15To having hair, which means having more women.
14:19To having hair. To having more women.
14:21To having more fun in life.
14:23To helping my friends have more hair.
14:35Let's go.
14:36How are you doing?
14:37Are you guys the chefs?
14:38Yes.
14:39Turkish Airlines has the best food.
14:41Thank you so much.
14:42It's so good.
14:43Much to the dismay of White Sox Dave,
14:45Eddie splurged for business class.
14:47It's like he's at a steakhouse.
14:51Oh yeah, that's cool.
14:52I want a leg lift.
14:53Oh, you guys want a leg lift?
14:55I could love a leg lift.
15:02So Dave was telling me before the trip
15:04that he paid 89 bucks for a seat upgrade.
15:08The dude's in my row.
15:09I just checked in.
15:13But hey, we don't have anyone in the middle seat.
15:15This is clutch.
15:18Eddie's already wining and dining up the business class.
15:22Meanwhile, we can't even get water and economy
15:25to dine over here.
15:28Did you see the cards?
15:29No, I haven't seen the cards.
15:30Oh, I got that.
15:31It's nice?
15:33Oh, cool.
15:34That's sick.
15:36All right.
15:37Yeah, sure.
15:38I'll take one.
15:39Sorry, sir.
15:40You're not allowed to take a video or something.
15:42Okay.
15:44Tortellini, parmesan.
15:45I'm going to help my guy out,
15:46see if he wants some of the cheap seats.
15:49Dave.
15:55What is this class tortellini?
15:56You're going to turn that down?
15:57I don't want to do that.
15:59All right.
16:00That's a shame.
16:13I'm not going to do that.
16:14I don't want to do that.
16:20Morning.
16:21Did I sleep well?
16:22I slept fantastically.
16:24I didn't think I would,
16:25and I just hit a loading screen over the whole Atlantic.
16:29Woke up, over Germany,
16:31and I couldn't have been happier.
16:3620 kilometers out,
16:37three minutes.
16:38Three minutes till Turkey.
16:43Thank you, the food was great, and he's probably already had baggage claim.
16:50I checked in with the Stoolies who landed a few hours earlier.
16:53Apparently in the shuttle to our spot, they got rear-ended twice, and there was a minor
16:59yelling match on the street, but everyone's safe and sound back at the hotel now, so it's
17:04all good.
17:05Oh, I think I see him.
17:11Hey, how are you guys?
17:13What's going on?
17:14How are we doing?
17:15Howie, what's up, man?
17:16Nice to meet you.
17:17Howie, it's good to see you.
17:18Sam, good to meet you.
17:19Sam, it's nice to meet you.
17:20Welcome, fellow Poles.
17:21We're all here.
17:22You guys have all taken a chance on me, and I will not let you down.
17:26We're excited.
17:27Let's go.
17:28What do you think the ride situation is going to be like?
17:29Do you think it's going to be like a pimped-out sprinter van?
17:32No, I think it's going to be like the Ramada in short puffs.
17:39Short puffs.
17:40Okay, yeah.
17:41Look at this.
17:42It's a little better than the Ramada.
17:43Yeah, yeah.
17:44This is nice.
17:45We got the blue accent lights.
17:46There we go.
17:47Here we go.
17:48We are in the shuttle, heading to our hotel.
17:49Spirits are high.
17:50Ball stool.
17:51Woo!
17:52As you can see, back lit.
17:53We got the UV light on.
17:54All we're missing is UV blue, and the actual inside limo thing.
17:55Prom day to prom night.
17:56It's going to be great.
17:57It's going to be great.
17:58It's going to be great.
17:59It's going to be great.
18:00It's going to be great.
18:01It's going to be great.
18:02It's going to be great.
18:03It's going to be great.
18:04It's going to be great.
18:06It's going to be great.
18:07It's going to be great.
18:08It's going to be great.
18:09It's going to be great.
18:10It's going to be great.
18:11It's going to be great.
18:12It's going to be great.
18:13It's going to be great.
18:14It's going to be great.
18:15It's going to be great.
18:16It's going to be great.
18:17It's going to be great.
18:18It's going to be great.
18:19It's going to be great.
18:20It's going to be great.
18:21It's going to be great.
18:22It's going to be great.
18:23It's going to be great.
18:24It's going to be great.
18:25It's going to be great.
18:26It's going to be great.
18:27It's going to be great.
18:28It's going to be great.
18:29It's going to be great.
18:31Fuck, I can't get this out of me.
18:32It's okay.
18:33Hey, guys.
18:34Paulo here from Montreal.
18:35Arrived around the same time as these guys.
18:38We were able to link up.
18:39Glad to have some company on this hour-long drive to our hotel.
18:44And the digs aren't too bad either.
18:48David.
18:49We got dinner reservations at 8.
18:54What's up, how are you?
18:55How are you?
18:56Good.
18:57Good to see you.
18:58How are you?
18:59Welcome.
19:00Hey, how are you?
19:01The whole crew is here.
19:02Good to see you.
19:03Let's go.
19:04A bold school adventure begins.
19:05Ben, nice to meet you.
19:06Ben.
19:07Nice to meet you.
19:08Noah.
19:09Noah, I'm Ben.
19:10Josh.
19:11Josh.
19:12Nice to meet you.
19:13What's up, man?
19:14I'm Sam.
19:15We all crushed that flight, and we're ready to hit the top.
19:16And oh, by the way, Eddie sat in business class and ate the same food as us.
19:20Ken Jack made it, boys.
19:21Nice.
19:23All right, time for a quick hotel room tour.
19:27This is where the magic happens.
19:29Although, the magic won't be happening on this trip because I'm not with my wife.
19:33But when the magic does happen, and I want to make it extra magical, I use Roman Sparks.
19:39It's a little tablet that you put under your tongue, and after it dissolves, on average, in 15 minutes, it gets to work.
19:44It's got the same active ingredients as Viagra and Fentanyl.
19:49And I've had a good experience with it.
19:51If you want to find out if Roman Sparks are right for you, go to roe.co slash baldstool.
19:55You'll take a little questionnaire, and if prescribed, you get $15 off your first reoccurring order.
20:01Once again, that's roe.co slash baldstool for $15 off your first reoccurring order if prescribed.
20:08After freshening up in the hotel, it was time to see what this city was all about.
20:13First stray dog.
20:14I can't pet that dog you're telling me?
20:16You can.
20:17You coming back with a ringworm would be an incredible storyline.
20:20Are you going to be our tour guide, Donny?
20:22Yeah, dude.
20:23This over here, this is like a Turkish pizza.
20:25It's called a pide.
20:26A canoe pizza?
20:27Yeah.
20:28It's a pizza boat.
20:29It's right there if you want to see it in the flesh.
20:31It's good stuff.
20:35The boys couldn't have been happier to finally hit the road.
20:39Unfortunately, though, we had already lost Eddie.
20:42Okay, I just landed in Turkey.
20:44Pretty fucking sweet.
20:45But anyways, I've always seen they do the skin thing, like the black strip and the burning ears and the shit in your nose.
20:52So I was like, you know what, let's go do it.
20:54I don't know why he was immediately like, I have to head out and get a shave.
20:57Right?
20:58I don't know.
20:59I don't know.
21:00I don't know.
21:01I don't know.
21:02I don't know.
21:03I don't know.
21:04I don't know.
21:05I don't know.
21:06I don't know.
21:07I have to head out and get a shave right now.
21:08Immediately.
21:09I think he like booked an appointment.
21:11But he was making the appointment on the flight.
21:13He was like, can I be able to make a 5 p.m. appointment?
21:15I was like, dude, he landed at 4.
21:17Like goose from two a days.
21:19So while Eddie exfoliated, the rest of us went to meet up for dinner with an American expat I met my last time in Turkey.
21:25What's up, buddy?
21:27Nice to see you, man.
21:28Nice to see you.
21:29All right, we're in here.
21:30I met this guy on our last trip to Turkey.
21:33He came here for a one-month job.
21:36And he just hasn't left.
21:37Now this rocks.
21:39We did it, boys.
21:41We made it to Turkey.
21:42Let's go.
21:45You're drinking raka tonight.
21:46Oh, yeah.
21:47And then cheers in Turkish is sure thing.
21:50Sure thing.
21:51Sure thing.
21:52There we go.
21:53There we go.
21:54Sure thing.
21:55Sure thing.
21:56Sure thing to our hair.
21:58It's like a black licorice.
22:00It's very similar to Sambuca, except it's got a milkier, cum-like look to it.
22:05But it tastes very good.
22:06I love it.
22:07Cold, refreshing.
22:08A true delight.
22:13What's that?
22:14It burns the hair?
22:15Yeah.
22:16It burns your hair off.
22:18It's going to be hard to get this thing to light, so you're going to have to bear with me.
22:21Come on, Smokes.
22:22Be a gentleman and get it started.
22:26There we go.
22:27There we go.
22:28Wow.
22:29Beautiful.
22:30More stoolies were filtering in every minute.
22:32Hey, team.
22:33Nice to meet you.
22:34Hi.
22:35Hi.
22:36Nice to meet you.
22:37Nice to meet you.
22:38I want a respectful, beautiful woman that's crazy, that'll fuck me up, and then not be
22:42upset that I'm leaving in two days.
22:44Oh, no one wants to be upset.
22:53Okay, this is Atom.
22:55It's spicy.
22:56It's with yogurt and eggplant.
22:58And then this is Fava.
23:00It has beans.
23:01That one was my favorite.
23:03Really?
23:04It has beans and all the-
23:05It's like a green bean casserole.
23:06Yeah, exactly.
23:07Exactly.
23:08What's this delicious dish?
23:09Oh, I like-
23:10This is amazing.
23:11This is my favorite.
23:12It's my favorite.
23:13It's chipotle.
23:14I'm not leaving.
23:15I'm going to stay here.
23:16Have you seen the birds?
23:17Yeah, I've been.
23:18They're perfect.
23:19Stig's had dinner.
23:20Hot girl.
23:21Good food.
23:22Brutus!
23:29Perfect.
23:30Okay?
23:31Good, yeah.
23:32One to ten.
23:33How was it?
23:34Bad?
23:35Yeah.
23:36Yeah?
23:37A lot of blackheads or something?
23:38Blackheads and oils.
23:39Yeah.
23:40So not like an April Fools' debacle type thing.
23:41We just got to go to the locker room and clean some things up.
23:42Okay.
23:43All right, John.
23:45You're welcome.
23:46Eddie made it, dude!
23:47A couple initial thoughts.
23:48Yes.
23:49Really fucking cool.
23:50It feels like an action movie.
23:51Yep.
23:52However, they got to figure it out.
23:53They got to figure it out.
23:54They got to figure it out.
23:55They got to figure it out.
23:57However, they got to figure out the street signs and the drivers.
24:00Like, people got to be dying here like every hour.
24:03Did you get a shave?
24:04Yeah.
24:05Okay.
24:06I look like fucking Butterbean.
24:07Well, enjoy.
24:08We got a bunch of traditional mezze.
24:09You just made a raka?
24:13It's good.
24:14It's good.
24:15It's black licorice.
24:16I assume you're not a black licorice guy.
24:17Nah.
24:18I'm getting a lot of tweets about the Civil War.
24:20No, no, no.
24:21No?
24:22No.
24:23Promise?
24:24Promise.
24:25People are like, wild time to go, dude.
24:26No, no, no.
24:27There's a coup going on.
24:28No problem.
24:29No problem.
24:30I hate, I don't like the word coup.
24:32Dude, it is lit.
24:44After a delicious dinner.
24:45How was the steak?
24:46Oh my gosh.
24:47Really good.
24:48Good stuff?
24:49Let's go.
24:50I felt it was time for a welcome toast.
24:52Speed.
24:53Speed.
24:54Speed.
24:55Speed.
24:56Speed.
24:57Speed.
24:58Speed.
24:59Speed.
25:00Speed.
25:01Speed.
25:02Speed.
25:03Speed.
25:04First off, I would like to thank all of you for being the Guinea Pigs on the first DMT
25:05trip.
25:06The DMT stands for Donnie's Medical Tourism.
25:10We will not be doing DMT on this trip, but it will be an equally life-changing experience
25:18for you all.
25:19Cause let's face it.
25:20You've all arrived in Turkey balding losers.
25:22Actually, I don't want to make any assumptions on the stoolies, I'm sure many of you guys
25:27are very accomplished, but we at least all arrived in Turkey balding, but we will leave
25:32this country winners.
25:33Yeah!
25:34We will leave winners with a full head of hair and a new lease on life.
25:41No longer will we be passed up on a promotion for a coworker who has luscious locks.
25:48No longer will the girl at the bar give us a fake phone number and go home with a guy
25:53who looks like me, but probably has a larger hog.
25:59And that is all thanks to Estee Nouvet, a little round of applause for Estee Nouvet.
26:07Turkey has always been a cultural crossroads and I hope that it can be a crossroads in
26:13your life too.
26:14In 40 years, you'll look back on yourself and you'll see two versions.
26:18You'll see pre-Turkey you and post-Turkey you.
26:22And the post-Turkey you will have life by the ball!
26:25Yeah!
26:26Cheers to that!
26:28Cheers to that!
26:30I got to thank a lot of people, obviously Estee Nouvet, obviously Dave Portnoy.
26:35I don't have to thank my coworkers because let's face it, we're doing this as our job.
26:40I do need to thank all the Stoolies though, because you guys are taking time off from
26:43work, you guys are taking time away from your families, and you have put your trust in me
26:48and I will deliver.
26:50Cheers to that!
26:52Cheers to that!
26:54Now everybody, full hearts, full heads, can't lose!
26:58Cherefe!
27:02That was glorious.
27:03That was the best speech I've ever heard in my whole life.
27:05That was good.
27:10I love you guys.
27:11When these hair transplant trips are fucking 20 years in, we've been doing them once, twice
27:15a year, you guys will be the pilgrims of this adventure.
27:19Hey, can I thank you enough for this?
27:21Dude, thank you guys for coming on board so last minute.
27:40Alright, we've got to tell this band to wrap it up, we're coming here.
27:43I'm going to go talk to them.
27:45Alright, I think we're going to get a private performance.
27:48If anyone has like ones, I think you can just treat them kind of like strippers.
28:10Let's go!
28:21Encore, encore!
28:29We have paid far too high.
28:32They're used to getting tips in liras, we're all throwing 20s in there.
28:36I put a 20 in!
28:38He put a 20, he's good, he's good dude!
28:53I wouldn't do that.
28:56Is this helping with the jet lag?
28:59Yeah!
29:00Good!
29:01Clap, clap, clap!
29:08Oi, oi, any day!
29:11Oi, oi, any day!
29:13I appreciate this!
29:33Oi, oi, oi, oi!
29:36How are we doing Noah? We're doing great!
29:38I got a workout, fucking line dancing with those Turkish guys.
29:42I fucking love Turkey, I would move to Turkey.
29:47I love Turkey, that's my first impression.
29:53Very successful welcome dinner, that was perfect.
29:57We got the mezze's, we got a lot of raka, and we got a rocky band.
30:02That band knocked it out of the park.
30:04I tried telling everybody, I was like, guys, they're used to getting tips in Turkish lira.
30:10That rocky band has to be happy right now.
30:13And hey, they played their fucking hearts out.
30:16Now the plan is to drop anyone off at the hotel that needs to take a little breather.
30:20If not, we're going to go for a walk.
30:23Because if I've learned anything in my traveling days,
30:26it's that never try to fucking drink a bottle of raka and a bunch of food and then lay in bed.
30:33Bro, I was in this girl's fucking tits and this guy's like, nah, you guys gotta clear it.
30:38I'm on his side, man.
30:39Yeah, I know.
30:40So I need a little walk to sober up.
30:42I will see you all tomorrow.
30:44So far, so good.
30:46Tune in next episode, where I attempt to give everybody a tour of Istanbul.
30:50It's the capital of the Roman Empire, after Rome.
30:53Alright, I need a dart.
30:54While battling a brutal hangover.
31:08Transcribed by https://otter.ai