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00:00Hello everybody, welcome back to the channel. My name is Kevin, I'm a geek, you're watching
00:14Kevin the Geek. Welcome back to a bit more Benidorm. It has been very wet and rainy lately
00:21for me. And so I'm really, really glad that I've got a bit of Benidorm to kind of make
00:27me feel a little bit warm again. Of course, last week, and yeah, was it last week just
00:33gone? Yeah, yeah. So last week on Thursday, I did an episode of Only Fools and Horses,
00:40where Dale Boy, Rodney and Grandad all went to Benidorm. I really hope they turn up in
00:46the show because that would be absolutely awesome if they do. I mean, we've had John
00:51Challis, you know, Boise, he's made an appearance in Benidorm. So I'd love it, love it if they
00:57also managed to make an appearance. But hey, that's, that's enough talking for me. Let's
01:02check out the latest episode of Benidorm. This is series nine, episode number four.
01:30My room at the Bell Toro is free while I'm away with Jodie. Why don't you show one of
01:35the waitresses the five star treatment? Don't go mad on the room service, Nan.
01:40Whoa. Oh, Shame Amber's not here anymore.
01:45... competition with them fried eggs. I think you've won. I just saw one of them blink.
01:49Something not right here.
01:50It's half ten. Why hasn't me mother called?
01:52Yeah, half ten our time. Blaine don't land for another half an hour.
01:55Oh, yeah.
01:56You promised you'd use this time to relax and not worry about our Jodie.
01:59You're right, I did.
02:00Sausage, bacon, egg, beans, ash brown, toast. What else did I have yesterday?
02:05Indigestion.
02:06You should have had fruit salad like me, son.
02:09You have the fruit salad as a pudding after a full English.
02:12Actually, it's more of a palate cleanser before I go on to muffins and croissant.
02:17I like Eddie.
02:19Eddie, do you mind while we're at the table?
02:21I don't like that.
02:22I thought getting my cases back this morning was a good thing. I quite got used to them
02:27I didn't even notice.
02:29Not mushrooms. I don't want them. They're tinned.
02:31Yeah, don't have tinned mushrooms.
02:33Oh, Eddie!
02:40Lovely.
02:45I like it. I like Billy as well.
02:48Black pudding, hell yeah.
02:56I still can't believe she never checked out of her room at Belltower.
03:00What's the point of checking out? It's all paid for.
03:02I just mean it's a waste. Nice hotel room going begging for night.
03:06It's not going begging.
03:08That's better.
03:09Morning.
03:10Oh, black pudding.
03:12Yes!
03:13Yes, Rob.
03:14I know that his family all love the black pudding.
03:17I'll tell you what.
03:18Bacon, fried egg and black pudding in a roll, touch of brown sauce.
03:24Oh, love it.
03:26What a way to start the day.
03:30What's wrong with him?
03:32It's disgusting, Jacqueline.
03:34Kenneth blocks the plug hole every day with his horrible, gloopy, hairy mess.
03:38Then I'm the one who has to fish it out.
03:40Well, it is a hair salon. I suppose it's an occupational hazard.
03:44I don't mean here. I mean at home. I don't know where it all comes from.
03:48My Donald was as smooth as an eel.
03:51I don't think a hairy body would have suited him.
03:54No, it wouldn't, actually.
03:56He'd have looked like the abdominal snorer.
03:59Seriously, Jacqueline, I can't believe the mess, the clothes, the food everywhere.
04:03I hate to say it, but Kenneth is a disgusting flatmate.
04:06He's worse than that. He's a big, fat, dirty pig.
04:11Oops.
04:15Well, well, well.
04:16Or should I say oink, oink, oink?
04:18Kenneth, I...
04:19It was only having a little moan, Kenneth. We all do it.
04:23What? You mean you'll all moan about me when I'm not here?
04:26No, definitely not.
04:28I would never call you a big, fat, dirty pig.
04:31Jacqueline, you're going to have to say it again.
04:33Makes no difference. Now I finally know what you think of me.
04:36Kenneth...
04:40I'm sorry I made it personal.
04:43But basically, it's true.
04:45What?!
04:46What?!
04:47This morning I woke up to find a takeaway box of chicken bones,
04:50an empty can of Largo and a half-eaten cheesecake.
04:52A man has got to eat!
04:53They're on the corner of the bath.
04:54Well, you know I like a bit of supper when I come in after a night out.
04:57Fair enough, but why did you eat it in the bath?
04:59I was having it all out in the bath.
05:01Then what was it doing there?
05:02I ate it out of the toilet.
05:05I blame the pink trombone. They don't clean the pipes.
05:08That Largo goes through me like a two-man bobsleigh.
05:10And it doesn't end there. Towels on the floor, dirty underpants in the hallway,
05:13pizza boxes stuffed down the side of your bed.
05:15Our flat is going to get messy over time.
05:18We've been living there 48 hours.
05:21I'll start looking for a new flatmate today.
05:23And, of course, you can run back to Daddy.
05:25I don't want to move out. I'm just asking if you...
05:27Oh, no.
05:28This big, fat, dirty pig has closed the farmyard door.
05:32I want you out by the end of the week.
05:34Oh, and in the meantime,
05:36I suggest you get a peg for that delicate little nose of yours.
05:40Kenneth, I...
05:42Is that the fastest anyone's ever fallen out
05:45after they've moved in with someone?
05:47Surely this has got to be faster.
05:50He doesn't mean it.
05:53And I mean it.
05:55You were saying, Jacqueline?
05:56Beg your pardon, he does mean it.
06:02Oh, hey, Troy.
06:03Have a Largo, please, Pedro. Love when you've got a second.
06:05Better dodge courage before you go back in and give Liam what for.
06:08How long have you been here?
06:09A couple of hours.
06:10Might want to freshen up first.
06:13Hey, come upstairs. I've got something for you.
06:15Certainly not, you filthy beast.
06:16Come on, I think we can do with a chat as well.
06:18Oh, here we go.
06:20Kenneth, are you still on the airport runs?
06:23Um, no, I'm fine, thanks. Now, Sam.
06:27What did she say?
06:28Oh, nothing.
06:29I had the curry croquettes at the airport. I've had the runs for days.
06:32Oh, charming.
06:33He's got a point.
06:56He's got a point.
07:03Landed early. Everything okay.
07:05Don't ring as we are in the studio.
07:08In the studio?
07:10Role play blind date with my husband keeps our marriage going.
07:13What does that even mean?
07:15Barbara at work, does it?
07:16She has dates with her husband where they don't know each other.
07:19Aw, I've always thought senile dementia was romantic.
07:22They pretend to not know each other.
07:27You know what I mean?
07:30Did you read that about the accents?
07:33What accents?
07:34Leeds voted friendliest accents in UK.
07:39What a crap.
07:41Equally as fascinating.
07:42Everybody knows the friendliest accent in the world is Sheffield, South Yorkshire.
07:47No, not according to Bedazzle magazine. It's Leeds.
07:50They're trying to say I don't sound as friendly as the bloody Wessons.
07:54What a bullshit.
07:55You can sing off. You're talking absolute bollocks.
07:59I think you sound friendlier than anyone I've ever met.
08:03Thank you, Sharon.
08:04I think it might be the words more than the accent.
08:09And the two sexiest accents are Australian and Irish.
08:13Never mind who reads it, who writes this rubbish?
08:16Oh yeah, I like both those.
08:18I remember years ago I had a mad crush on Crocodile Dundee.
08:22Dundee?
08:23It's a bloody horrible accent.
08:25I couldn't understand a word when I worked up there.
08:28Crocodile Dundee. The bloke who fights alligator with a big knife.
08:32Yeah, Paul Organ.
08:33What, that wrestler with the big yellow tash?
08:36You don't fancy him?
08:37Big girl's blouse.
08:39Luke Organ.
08:40No, Luke weren't yellow, he were green.
08:42Oh, for crying out loud.
08:44Can you hear yourself?
08:45Thank you, Rob.
08:46It's like being in one floor of the cuckoo's nest.
08:48Bugger knows what his accent's turned into.
08:52That'll be all them books he keeps reading.
08:54And hanging around with that university lot.
08:57Oh, people with an education.
08:59They should be hung, drawn and quartered.
09:01I'll drink to that.
09:07Good old Eddie.
09:12I hear a lot about the Irish being the sexiest.
09:15I don't think I've ever really heard anyone say about the Australian being sexist.
09:19I mean, I'm not going to lie.
09:21For me, I have a particular penchant for the Welsh accent.
09:26I don't know what it is.
09:29Yeah.
09:31I love the ladies that come from the Welsh valleys.
09:35I don't know what it is.
09:36It's very sing-song, isn't it, the Welsh accent?
09:40I really don't know what it is.
09:42But yeah, that's my...
09:45Honestly, a red-headed Welsh lady.
09:47Oh, I will drool and melt all over that lady.
09:52Troy, I've been meaning to tell you about...
09:54Stop!
09:55Before you go any further, I just want to say I know about your secret, Kenneth.
10:00Oh.
10:01And I think it's absolutely wonderful.
10:03Oh? Really?
10:07What's this?
10:08For you.
10:09I never imagined you'd be ready to take on a responsibility like this.
10:13I think it's amazing.
10:14I thought that you'd be angry in case it interfered with your work at the salon.
10:18How could I be angry at news like this?
10:20How did it happen?
10:21Well, I just got chatting to some bloke at the airport.
10:24A bloke at the airport?
10:25Yeah, I mean, it wasn't planned at all,
10:27but as soon as they offered the money, I thought, well, why not?
10:29Somebody offered you money?
10:30Yeah, I just said it wasn't my idea.
10:32I'm literally just doing it for the extra cash.
10:34But, Kenneth, what about the responsibility?
10:37Having a baby is a responsibility.
10:39Oh, yeah. How's that going?
10:41How's what going?
10:42Your baby.
10:44Oh, I bet you've got one of them nannies, haven't you?
10:47You see, I don't agree.
10:48It'll be wearing your best curtains and singing Doherty before you can take out your own trap.
10:52Hang on, let's start again.
10:53I haven't got a baby.
10:55Then why have you been texting about the pitter-patter of tiny feet and new arrivals?
10:59What would I be doing with a baby?
11:00What the frig would I be doing with one?
11:02You got a text from Liam yesterday, it was obviously meant for Jacqueline,
11:05asking her if she had any idea what to call your new baby.
11:08Jacqueline and Liam?
11:09One's mad and if you gave the other one a penny for his torture, you'd get changed.
11:13What about you swinging a baby seat round the salon?
11:15Oh, who told you about the baby seat?
11:17Come on, I know someone's been grassing on me.
11:20I know someone's been grassing on me.
11:21It was only a matter of time before I found out who.
11:26What's this?
11:27It's a live internet stream of blow and go.
11:31You've had CCTV fitted.
11:34Spying on us.
11:35It's a webcam, it was in the awards, the one Jacqueline brought over.
11:40So this is what it's come to.
11:43That's why you didn't come straight to the salon this morning.
11:45You've been in here spying on us.
11:48It's like 1994.
11:49You mean 1984.
11:51No, I don't. 1994.
11:53I rented a room in my last year of college and the gay landlord had a spile
11:56with a picture of the Mona Lisa in front of it.
11:58I knew the eyes were meant to follow you around the room.
12:02It's for security reasons.
12:03Oh, rubbish.
12:05This is obviously a day when I'm meant to find out who my real friends are.
12:08Well, you can shove your salon, you can shove that present,
12:11I've got bigger fish to fry.
12:14Kenneth?
12:17What?
12:23Is this just every season that these two have a fallout?
12:32That's a good T-shirt.
12:36I'm sorry, pal, we're fully booked.
12:38Everywhere is, it's the high season.
12:40Even the Spanish visit Benidorm this week.
12:44I tell you what, you look deadbeat.
12:46Why don't you lot grab a coffee over the road, leave me your number,
12:49and I'll do a ring-round for you, save your legs.
12:51Thanks.
12:54It's just for the one night?
12:55Yeah, just one night.
12:56Need bother. I'll ring you within the hour.
13:00You mean to say that they've come to Benidorm
13:04without booking a room and they just have all their suitcases with them?
13:08Either they've been really screwed over or they've screwed themselves over there.
13:13Leslie, I couldn't help overhearing that.
13:15Do you want me to ring?
13:17Oh, what do you mean, pet?
13:19I'm absolutely run off me feet.
13:21Queen's got a medal for you.
13:26If she can keep the medal, I'm strictly cash only.
13:31Oh, man, I am never drinking again.
13:35I'm aching, sweating, my head's banging,
13:38and I've got a mouth like the bottom of a budgie's cage.
13:40You say that, but come seven or eight o'clock.
13:42Not a chance, no way, I am absolutely dying.
13:45We'll see.
13:48All right, boys, did you have fun last night?
13:50Yeah, great.
13:51What time did you get in? I left you at three.
13:53Twenty-five to six.
13:55Well, if you fancy another big one tonight,
13:57I can sort it for you and all paid for.
13:59Yeah, man.
14:00Absolutely, no way.
14:01What do you mean, free?
14:02There's a family of six that needs two rooms tonight,
14:05but the hotel's full.
14:06You've got two rooms.
14:07We've got two rooms tonight, but the hotel's full.
14:09You've got two rooms.
14:10We're 79 euros each.
14:12That makes 158 euros.
14:14Divided by the three of us, that makes...
14:1752.6666667 euros.
14:24Excuse me?
14:25But you could just call it 52 euros and 60 cents
14:27for the sake of argument.
14:28But if you rent out our rooms, where do we sleep?
14:31You don't. You pull an all-nighter.
14:33Oh, I couldn't. Not after last night.
14:35Guys, come on. Check-out's at 10am.
14:37I'll boot them out then, and you come home and crash.
14:40I'm basically offering you a free night out in Benidorm.
14:43Who can say no to that?
14:44Come on, bro, we're in Benidorm.
14:46It's a pretty good deal.
14:47The city that never sleeps.
14:49So, are you in or not?
14:51We're in.
14:54Nice one, boys.
14:56I'll be back later with your cut of the money.
14:58Sweet as!
15:01How did you do that?
15:02The calculation?
15:04I don't know.
15:05It's just maths, isn't it?
15:13You think you are clever, but I have my eyes peeled on you.
15:17I'm sorry.
15:18Did you speak?
15:19You walk around like you are owning the place,
15:22but it is you who will be owned.
15:24Oh, really?
15:27You do not frighten me.
15:28No, you don't look frightened.
15:30You look terrified.
15:31I know you are up to something, and I will find what this is.
15:34You couldn't find your own arse in the dark with both hands.
15:37Get my arse out of this.
15:39You carry on mopping up spilt drinks, Mateo,
15:41and I'll keep on earning more money on the side every day than you do in a week,
15:46and you'll never know how.
15:50She's straight smart.
15:52But I know who could help me find out.
15:54Joyce Temple Savage.
16:01DOORBELL RINGS
16:09Come in.
16:12Good afternoon, sir.
16:13How may I be of assistance?
16:15I've left my key in my room.
16:18Name?
16:19Loretta Chase.
16:22Obviously, that's not me.
16:24Loretta's my wife's name.
16:27I'd get the other key off her, but she's at the...
16:31Zoo.
16:32The zoo?
16:33Yeah, I didn't go.
16:35I don't agree with them, you know, politically.
16:38I had no idea one of the giraffes was running for mayor.
16:43Giraffes?
16:45Very good.
16:49Anyway, can I have the key?
16:51Certainly, sir.
16:52Can you confirm your room number?
16:54Room number?
16:55Yes. Room number.
16:57The number of your room.
16:59Er...
17:00Oh, hang on.
17:01Envelope? That's not for us, is it?
17:05It depends.
17:06Is your name...
17:08Catalina de la Cruz?
17:10No, I told you already, it's Loretta Chase.
17:13And your room number?
17:14Oh, that.
17:15Yes, 435.
17:22Here is your new room key.
17:24And a spare key for your wife.
17:26Please inform her the old key cards are now cancelled.
17:28Great.
17:29And can I have a bottle of champagne for tonight?
17:31Send up to the room around...
17:338 o'clock?
17:34Shall I charge that to your room, sir?
17:36Ooh, definitely.
17:40Muchas gracias, Loretta.
17:41Muchas gracias.
17:42Oh, no. Poor Rob.
17:47I've landed Nana's room at the Bell Toro.
17:50Yes, Dave.
17:51Sky TV, room service, it's got the law.
17:53Hey, Rob, watch this.
17:54Joey, what's 27 times 93?
17:592,511.
18:01Mate, who cares what the room looks like
18:03if you ain't got a girl to take back there?
18:05Oh, I think an hour at the beach bars will sort that out.
18:08982 divided by 16.
18:1361.375.
18:15It'll be a pleasure to come and watch you fail.
18:17Beach bar for an hour, Dave?
18:1993,842...
18:20Eddie!
18:21Multiplied by 246.
18:23Tiger, what are you going on about?
18:25It's Joey. He's a genius.
18:2723,087,592.
18:31What?!
18:37How could...
18:38How could Joey, who's such a moron most of the time,
18:41is this smart?
18:42I mean, I'm good at maths,
18:44but that's taking it to a whole new level.
18:46Look at that.
18:47Mate, the only equation I'm interested in
18:49is room 435 times 2.
18:53870.
18:54God, even I can do that one.
18:56No, room 435 times two people,
18:59me and somebody else.
19:03Right, beach bars, yes?
19:05Oh, yeah.
19:06Yeah, man.
19:11Hey, son.
19:13Don't forget this.
19:14Oh, cheers, Grandad.
19:15And don't do what I wouldn't.
19:18Poor Rob, he's being screwed over by his dad.
19:22And he's not a grandad.
19:24And then he said something like...
19:26It's obviously a day when I find out who my friends are.
19:29I'm afraid Kenneth and I had words today.
19:31I called him a big, fat, dirty pig.
19:33Right.
19:35Oh, you mean you took offence at that?
19:37Well, I would, but I'm not a big, fat, dirty pig.
19:40Being flatmates would bring us closer together.
19:42It's just driven us apart.
19:43You and Kenneth are flatmates?
19:45Well, not anymore.
19:46He's advertised my room on Facebook.
19:48He's got three replies already.
19:50Oh, lovely.
19:53I think Kenneth thinks you don't trust him.
19:55I don't trust him.
19:56No, I mean he thinks you don't trust him at all.
19:58I don't trust him at all.
20:00Why do you think I put a camera in here?
20:01I've never been bothered about being on camera.
20:04I bet you haven't.
20:05I used to keep our webcam open 24-7.
20:09And what was this text I got that was meant for Jacqueline?
20:12I'm saying nothing.
20:13Is Kenneth still running his minicab service?
20:16Oh, good, that'd be Joyce.
20:17You have a habit of recommending unlicensed taxis,
20:20but there's a couple out here who are desperate to get to Polyp.
20:25Question too difficult for you?
20:27Yeah, love it.
20:28I thought as much.
20:35Looks like you don't have to say anything.
20:38Oops.
20:39Oops, indeed.
20:48Where have you been?
20:49Why, did you miss me?
20:50Yeah.
20:51Had to get me a drink meself.
20:54I went for a walk into Benidorm.
20:56And what have you bought?
20:57Oh, never mind about that.
20:59I bumped into an old flame of yours while I was out.
21:01An old flame?
21:02Are you?
21:03Yeah.
21:04Australian fella called, um, Bruce.
21:08I don't know anyone called Bruce.
21:10I don't know any Australians.
21:12He's wearing a khaki shirt, shorts,
21:15a shark-tooth necklace and carrying a five-foot crocodile.
21:18He wants to have a date with you tonight.
21:20Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't be laughing.
21:22So, are you up for it or not?
21:24What would my husband say?
21:26What he don't know won't hurt him.
21:28Eight o'clock tonight at the Bell Tower?
21:30I love you, Billy Dorfman.
21:33Don't be saying things like that later on.
21:35You'll ruin a big night.
21:36Where are you going?
21:37Bit of Dutch courage.
21:38I've got a date tonight.
21:42Way to keep the marriage of Spark alive.
21:44Love that.
21:45I don't understand how you're so brilliant at maths,
21:47but, well, not so brilliant at other stuff.
21:52I don't know.
21:53I don't work it out.
21:54I just hear the numbers and I see the answer in my head.
21:57Mate, I never thought I would say this,
21:59but, well, you are a genius.
22:02Yeah, it's really come in handy today.
22:05There's nothing more impressive than telling a girl
22:07you know your 97 times true.
22:09Believe it or not, this time next year,
22:11we'll be millionaires.
22:13Ow!
22:15How's it going, Robstar?
22:17Terrible.
22:18There's nothing like a free room in a five-star hotel
22:21to make you wreak desperation.
22:23I've got another idea.
22:25Why don't the three of us have a slumber party?
22:28Popcorn, movies, maybe a room service pizza?
22:31Because we're not 12-year-old girls.
22:33Yeah.
22:34We need somewhere to stay anyway.
22:35Tiger and I have rented out our rooms for the night.
22:37Who to?
22:38It's a long story.
22:40Sorry, kids.
22:41You'll have to have your pyjama party another night.
22:42Today, it's all about the ladies.
22:44Time for shots.
22:51Scrubber.
22:52I beg your pardon?
22:56Hello, Eddie.
22:58One down.
22:59S-C-R something.
23:01B-B something something.
23:03Scrubber.
23:04Let me look at the clue.
23:06Slow down?
23:08Not many scrubbers said that to me.
23:10Slow down, it's illegible.
23:13Squibble.
23:14Yeah.
23:15Oh, it's one of them cryptic jobs, isn't it?
23:17Squibble.
23:18It must be.
23:19It's like that 3-2-1.
23:21What's got windscreen wipers, three pedals and a bonnet?
23:24That's right, you've won a dustbin.
23:27Oh, I can't be doing with that.
23:30Do you want it?
23:31I guess I'll have a go later on.
23:33Are you having a nice day?
23:35Well, I am.
23:37But I were hoping for an even better night.
23:40Oh, yeah?
23:41You got something planned?
23:43Well, I've got full use of a five-star room at the Beltoro this evening.
23:48Oh, I see.
23:50I thought you might be up for it.
23:52Oh, well, it depends what you have in mind.
23:54A bit of pumping action.
23:56A bottle of bubbly on the balcony, enjoying the panorama.
23:59A bit of Mantovani, maybe a few nibbles.
24:03Oh, you mean like a soiree.
24:06If you want to call it that.
24:07Oh, yeah?
24:09That sounds lovely.
24:11Is there a dress code?
24:12Shall we say start off fully clothed and see how the evening goes?
24:17Oh, you silly thing.
24:19Room 435, shall we say 8 o'clock?
24:22Room 435, 8 o'clock.
24:25Lovely.
24:27I think Jacqueline...
24:28Put it in for you, scrubber.
24:30Well, as you say, let's see how the evening goes.
24:35I think Jacqueline's idea of a soiree might be a bit different to Eddie's.
24:46Look, look, she's taking money now.
24:48Where?
24:49Probably for one of the trips.
24:51The only trip she's doing out of the bank with all the money she's making.
24:54Well, what do you want me to do about it?
24:55Come with me to Miss Temple Savage.
24:57And see what? You've got no evidence, man.
25:00Look, look, she's taking the money.
25:02Oh, she's doing that the way in your prime.
25:04Look, you've got nothing on her until you find some hard evidence.
25:07Oh, so I just forget about it, huh?
25:09Yes.
25:12Well, time for lunch.
25:14The girl's got to eat.
25:15Oh, I think maybe you have had enough to eat.
25:17More cushion for the pushing, Matteo.
25:21Somebody want to push you, huh?
25:23Oh, maybe over a cliff.
25:25Don't get yourself worked up, man.
25:28Matteo, shouldn't you be behind the pool bar?
25:31Yes, Miss Temple Savage.
25:34Everything all right, Leslie?
25:36Jump in, Miss Temple Savage.
25:38Jump in.
25:42Did you get sorted out?
25:43Yeah, all sorted, thanks.
25:53I'm sorry, Roberto.
25:55If you don't speak English,
25:57I'm just not quite clear on how you read my advert for a flatmate.
26:00Si, flatmate.
26:01No, you don't understand.
26:03You see, you replied to me on Facebook.
26:05On Facebook, in English.
26:08Now, did somebody help you with that?
26:10Si, flatmate.
26:11Oh, all right.
26:12But you do have a basic grasp of English.
26:15Si.
26:16OK.
26:17Flatmate.
26:18Right.
26:19Do you understand what I am saying now?
26:23And if you say Si, flatmate, this interview is over.
26:26Si, flatmate.
26:28Oh, for God's sake.
26:30Is he the guy...
26:31Do you remember when, erm...
26:33HE COUGHS
26:34Excuse me.
26:35Joey and Tiger, they had to have that drinking competition
26:38in the biker bar,
26:40where we learned that Joey can't basically drink alcohol
26:44without farting noxious gas.
26:46Is that the guy that they had the competition against?
26:49It looks a bit like him.
26:50Right.
26:51He's just not drunk.
26:53I'll be in touch.
26:54I'll give you a call.
26:55It's OK?
26:56Si, flatmate.
26:57Si.
26:58Oh, give me strength.
26:59Kenneth, we need to talk.
27:02I've just got one last person to see from your flat.
27:04Then I'll be with you.
27:06I'll be back.
27:07I'll look forward to it.
27:09I'll be back.
27:14PHONE RINGS
27:18Leslie, what do you want?
27:19I'm behind the pool bar.
27:21If Miss Temple Savage catches me,
27:22she'll be having my nuts for garters.
27:25No, I mean nuts.
27:27SNORTS
27:29Yes, I see them.
27:32Yes, they're all wearing the wristbands.
27:36Well, if they're not booked into the hotel,
27:37then how are they staying here?
27:43I knew it!
27:44Mm-hm.
27:46Leslie, enjoy your night off,
27:48because tomorrow she will be gone.
27:50Mm-hm.
27:51Benidorm is a survival of the fittest,
27:52not the fattest.
27:54Bloody hell, Matteo!
28:04What are you looking so happy about?
28:06Ah, Miss Temple Savage, I have some news.
28:08Some very big news I think you will want to know.
28:11Go on, then.
28:12I'll tell you tonight in Neptune's.
28:14I just need to check on a few facts first.
28:17And how do you keep an idiot in suspense?
28:20I don't know. How?
28:22I'll tell you tonight in Neptune's.
28:28I'm really sorry.
28:30To be completely honest,
28:32I'm not just looking for a flatmate.
28:34I'm looking for someone who I get on with
28:36in a sort of social way, too.
28:38And I'm just not getting that vibe from you.
28:40Sorry, love.
28:41Sorry, love.
28:50Fair enough.
28:51No luck with your new flatmate?
28:53No.
28:54But I've got a couple of weeks to find somebody,
28:56so there's no rush.
28:59I know about your new minicab business, Kenneth,
29:02and I am so disappointed.
29:04How are you disappointed?
29:05I haven't taken you anywhere.
29:07I mean, the fact that you're doing that
29:08when you're supposed to be working for me.
29:10Oh, Troy, it's literally just a couple of hours a day
29:12when the salon's dead anyway.
29:13The salon will be dead and buried
29:14if you carry on like this.
29:16You're just jealous because I'm showing some initiative.
29:18It's all right for you to be an entrepreneur, but not me.
29:20Oh, listen to yourself, Kenneth.
29:22Thank God you never got that baby.
29:23Oh, because you with a child would be such a success
29:26doing its mad zone work at gunpoint.
29:28You've got to grow up at some point, Kenneth.
29:30No, Troy, I'm grown up already.
29:32I'm just the kind of grown-up that you don't like.
29:34A free-thinking, free spirit who follows his dreams.
29:37I'm not arguing with you, Kenneth.
29:39James, give me a shout when you wake up.
29:41Whoa.
29:43Troy has gunpoint.
29:45Oh!
29:47Oh, that sounds brilliant.
29:50Oh, you must be shattered.
29:52Is that Geordie?
29:53All right, then.
29:55I'll speak to you tomorrow.
29:56Do you want to talk to your dad?
30:00All right, then, I'll tell him.
30:02Yeah.
30:03OK.
30:04All right, night, night. Night, night, night.
30:06Charming.
30:08She says she'll text you.
30:09She's had a long day.
30:11So, any plans for tonight?
30:15Er, no.
30:17No, no plans.
30:19How about you?
30:21Thought I'd maybe catch a movie.
30:23In Spanish.
30:25On me own.
30:27Yeah.
30:29I think I'll just have a night in watching the telly.
30:31Looking very glam to watch Dad's Army dubbed in Spanish.
30:34Basic Instinct's on later.
30:36I hope you've got pants on.
30:37It's a long walk up to the del Toro.
30:39Oh, bugger off. You stop spoiling us.
30:43That's one of them things.
30:45I hear so much about that.
30:47That's such an iconic scene.
30:48I've never seen Basic Instinct.
30:50Is it even worth a watch?
30:52Please let me know.
30:53Right.
30:54Oh, well.
30:56See you later, then.
30:57I mean, won't see you later, then.
31:01Go, Billy!
31:07You are coming to the del Toro, aren't you?
31:09Get out!
31:13I do love these two.
31:19Anyway, listen.
31:21Why don't you both come back to my place?
31:24I've got a room at the del Toro.
31:27None of this three-star crap.
31:30It's five-star crap.
31:32All the way from me.
31:34Neither of you fancy a five-star crap?
31:37I mean, room.
31:44How you doing, Rob?
31:46Crashing and burning.
31:47I'm not going to lie to you, Joe.
31:49I've done better.
31:51How are you two getting on?
31:53Great.
31:54Tiger just keeps asking girls to think of the hardest math problem they can,
31:58then introduces me.
32:01It's not working.
32:03Not so far.
32:05Ask him what eight millions times 53.
32:08Go on, ask him.
32:10What about that slumber party at your new hotel, Rob?
32:13There's no way me and Tiger are going to be able to pull an all-nighter.
32:16And we've got a family of six in our rooms.
32:19Mmm!
32:23There you go, boys.
32:25That's my room at the Solana.
32:27Oh, nice.
32:29I'm off to the Beltorro for a five-star crap.
32:44Is this just me, or does anyone else really like her tattoo on her arm?
32:48I really like it.
32:51Buenas tardes.
32:53Oh, hello. You all right?
32:55Are you looking for someone?
32:58Yeah, but I don't think he's here yet.
33:00Is it possible your friend is carrying a meter-and-a-half long inflatable crocodile?
33:05Very possible.
33:07The bar on the left.
33:13Buenas tardes, senor.
33:15How can I help you?
33:17I'm busting for little boy's room.
33:19I'm sorry, I don't think I can help you.
33:21Don't give me all that. I'm staying here.
33:23I just don't think I can make it up to room in time.
33:26In time for what?
33:27I need to lay a cable.
33:29Drop the kids off at the pool.
33:31Release the chocolate ostrich.
33:33Come on, man, these kicks are new on.
33:35Do you need the restroom?
33:37Yes.
33:38I'll restroom it on this floor if you don't tell me where it is.
33:41Around the corner, first on your left.
33:43Thank God.
33:53Shit.
33:55We're done with it.
34:01Just sit down for two minutes first.
34:21Bruce.
34:23I hardly recognized you.
34:25Bruce Shearer, you look a ripper.
34:28Thanks.
34:30It's Sharon, actually.
34:32Oh, yeah, of course.
34:35Sharon.
34:37Can I get you a lager?
34:39No, but I'll have a glass of cava, thanks.
34:41What's a cava?
34:43A sparkling wine, a bit like champagne.
34:45Nah, that's not a cava.
34:47That's a cava.
34:49Did you get it? That's a cava.
34:54A glass of cava, please.
34:59Do you know, Bruce, it's been so long since we last saw each other,
35:03I can't actually remember where we first met.
35:06Oh, we had a date at a zoo.
35:09It was absolutely bonzer.
35:11Is that right?
35:12Yeah, yeah.
35:13Saved you from an escaped croc.
35:15An escaped crocodile?
35:17Wow, you'd think I'd have remembered that.
35:22Thanks.
35:23Yeah, and then you got attacked by a shark.
35:26A what?
35:27A shark.
35:28A shark.
35:29Oh, a shark.
35:30That's right.
35:31In the zoo?
35:32Yeah, but I wrestled the little cobbler to the floor
35:34and I just punched him up the throat.
35:36Yeah, you've gone a bit cocky now.
35:41So, how?
35:43You married some British drongo then?
35:47Billy.
35:48Yeah, that's a fella.
35:50You have a face like a bucket of smashed crabs?
35:53Billy.
35:54Yeah, that's the one.
35:55A few roos loose in the top paddock, if you ask me.
35:59Hey, mate, any chance of another pint of piss?
36:01I'm driving a dingo shitbox here.
36:03Billy.
36:04What?
36:05Crying out loud, what are you doing?
36:07I'm your character.
36:08What sort of character?
36:09The most annoying person in the world.
36:11I thought you liked your Australian accent.
36:13I do.
36:14What accent's that meant to be?
36:17I've messed it all up, haven't I?
36:19Eh?
36:20Oh, I knew I shouldn't have bothered.
36:22I'm rubbish at stuff like this.
36:23It's all right, it's just a bit full-on.
36:27No, no, I've ruined it.
36:28I knew I would.
36:29Shall we just go back to the Solana?
36:31No, we won't.
36:32And do you know why?
36:33Why?
36:34Because Bruce, the annoying, loud-mouthed Australian
36:37has reminded me of something.
36:39What's that?
36:40How much I love and fancy my husband.
36:44Hey!
36:45And I don't need any daft role-playing or silly characters.
36:48Nice.
36:51Really?
36:52Really.
36:54Now kiss me, you drongo.
37:00Right.
37:02Grab your crocodile.
37:03You've pulled.
37:04Hey!
37:06Erky, erky, erky, erky, erky.
37:08Erky, erky.
37:18Oh, my God.
37:19I don't believe it.
37:21Rob?
37:23Rob?
37:25Rob?
37:26It's Giles.
37:28You're in my Early Modern History class.
37:31Oh, Giles!
37:32How you doing, man?
37:33I'm all right, mate.
37:34You look like you're seeing better days.
37:36Oh...
37:37I think I'm gonna be sick.
37:39Do you need help getting to your room?
37:41Yes, please.
37:42435 times 2.
37:45Know what I mean?
37:46Room 435.
37:48Come on.
37:52Be out in a minute.
37:53I'll see you outside.
37:57Ooh, I feel terrible as not bringing a bottle of anything.
38:01If he can afford to stay here, he can afford a few bottles of vino.
38:04Are you sure he wasn't just inviting you, Jacqueline?
38:06Yes!
38:07Oh, it was definitely a party.
38:09In fact, they called it a soiree.
38:12Oh, I wish you'd have told me.
38:13Oh, he's the members of his family.
38:15Then I'd have done something with my hair.
38:23HE LAUGHS
38:29Oh, come on.
38:32Oh, you're joking.
38:36Dad?
38:37What the hell are you doing here?
38:39Me? What are you doing here?
38:41I got a key from reception so me and Sharon could have a quiet night
38:44while Loretta was away.
38:45Well, that's why mine's not working.
38:47Well, where did you get yours from?
38:49Nicked it off our Rob, didn't I?
38:50Why did Rob have one?
38:52Loretta left it for him.
38:53I saw him earlier heading out to find a date to bring back here
38:58and I just thought, well, I'm saving change in sheets.
39:02Just go back to the salona, Dad. We'll see you tomorrow.
39:04Oh, God!
39:06Eddie just said he's going to try and find a date to bring back here.
39:09Oh, God, they're going to get the wrong end of the stick, aren't they,
39:11now with this other dude?
39:13Especially with him dressed as like one of the Finnish people.
39:15Why should I be the one that misses out?
39:17Hiya, Eddie! Is everything all right?
39:20What's she doing here?
39:22Oh, you should have said it was fancy dress.
39:25The door shuts open until nine.
39:27What are they doing here?
39:28They're here for the party.
39:30You were going to have a party and not tell us?
39:32It's not a party. I just invited you.
39:34So much for saving the sheets.
39:36You said it was a soiree.
39:39Technically, it's a party.
39:40Excuse me, folks.
39:42Is this room 435?
39:44I'm trying to get this young man into bed.
39:47I knew it!
39:50A sex party!
39:52What?
39:53It's just a soiree.
39:55Never! Not at the Bertholdt.
39:58Which one of you is Loretta Chase?
40:05I knew it! Out!
40:07Everyone out before I call the police.
40:12Buenas noches.
40:14Buenas noches.
40:16Get out.
40:18Get out!
40:23I don't need your sympathy
40:29There's nothing you can say or do for me
40:34You can tell me anything you know, love.
40:36I don't mind if you're gay, straight, or that middle one where you like a bit of both.
40:40What's it called?
40:41Bisexual.
40:42Are you?
40:43No. Straight. Not that it matters anyway.
40:46That's what I'm saying, love. It doesn't matter.
40:48Fine.
40:49But I like girls, Mum, okay?
40:51Women, ladies, senoritas.
40:55And he thinks a lady does protest to him.
40:58Shut up, grandad.
41:00You're the one who organised an orgy.
41:03Don't talk rubbish.
41:05She got wrong end of stick.
41:07God knows whose stick you'd have got all of tonight if we hadn't turned up.
41:10She wanted a lot of sticks.
41:12What about you dressing up as a boy scout with an inflatable crocodile?
41:15If that's not kinky, I don't know what is.
41:17I was an Australian.
41:19Not that you can tell by the accent.
41:20No.
41:21Did you ever go to me as well?
41:22Are you something that ill or what?
41:24I can't even look at it.
41:26You build a friend with Big Tash bought you too many pina coladas.
41:30He was a friend from uni.
41:32Oh, say no more.
41:35He seems really nice.
41:37Oh, for God's sake.
41:41Just so you know, check out to 10 o'clock sharp tomorrow.
41:44Enjoy your evening.
41:48I know who you are getting up to.
41:50What's that got to do with anything?
41:52I mean about selling rooms we do not have.
41:54Keep your voice down, you idiot.
41:56I do not know how you're making rooms out of thick air,
42:00but as long as you're paying me half of your kick-scam money,
42:03I will not be telling Miss Temple Savage.
42:05I can't give you half of the money from all of my little scams.
42:07Then I'll go to Temple Savage.
42:09I wouldn't do that if I were you.
42:10Give me one reason why not.
42:12Because the half of the money from my scams I can't give to you
42:15is already going to Joyce.
42:17You see?
42:18I knew there was something you're not telling me.
42:20Really?
42:22What?
42:25Surely not.
42:28I think it sounds bullshit.
42:33Padre mio.
42:40Okay, so what's going on?
42:41Excuse me, Miss Temple Savage?
42:43Earlier today you said you had some big news to tell me.
42:47Well, come on, get on with it.
42:48You better be good.
42:49I've got far better things to do with my evening
42:52than listen to mindless tittle-tattle.
42:56I think you are right.
42:57It is just mindless tackle-tickle, Miss Temple Savage.
43:03Speaking more than one language is an asset, Matteo,
43:06but keeping your mouth shut in any language is priceless.
43:12Do you understand what I'm saying?
43:15I think I do understand, Miss Temple Savage.
43:17I don't think you do.
43:19As you are.
43:21Padre mio.
43:28Leslie's not going to believe this one.
43:32I must say, I've been to better parties.
43:34It was a swirl.
43:35Oh, yeah?
43:36Remember to avoid them in future.
43:38So, what is going on with you and Captain Birdside?
43:43Him?
43:44Nothing.
43:45And nothing happened between you and him when you both stayed on last year?
43:48He kept his hands to himself.
43:50He was the perfect gentleman.
43:51Really?
43:52I'm not a perfect gentleman to me.
43:54Cool, talking of perfect gentlemen.
43:57I came here earlier, but you weren't here.
43:59I assumed you'd all gone out without me.
44:01It was you who disappeared in a huff.
44:04May I sit down?
44:05Of course you can.
44:09We did go out.
44:10We went to an orgy.
44:12All of you.
44:13Yeah.
44:14Wasn't great, was it?
44:15It was rubbish.
44:16I think you're better.
44:18A lot better.
44:19Of course she is.
44:27I'm sorry, guys.
44:28I'm going to have to hit this sack.
44:29All right, son.
44:30Hey, big glass of water before you go to bed.
44:33Remember, darling.
44:34We'll always love you no matter what.
44:36Goodnight.
44:41You want to watch that one?
44:43I think we've established he was a friend from school.
44:45I dressed like one of the village people.
44:47Eddie, for goodness sake, we're in Benidorm.
44:49The fancy dress capital of Europe.
44:51You should know.
44:52We spent the last three days dressed as a child's doobie.
44:55Yeah, but I didn't have Freddie Mercury carrying me to bed in denim shorts and a hard hat.
45:01He's probably upstairs now having a second bite of the cherry.
45:06With Tiger Joe in his room.
45:09Yeah, yeah, me and him.
45:11Well, am I supposed to go sit here shopping on my own?
45:14Yes.
45:15Your friends are still over there.
45:16Good luck with your second bite of the cherry.
45:20Oh, whatever.
45:28So...
45:31First of all, I want to say sorry for kicking off.
45:35Who's that directed to?
45:38Well, you to begin with.
45:40I was angry about the things you said to me.
45:42About me.
45:44And then I thought, well, how angry can you be if it's all true?
45:47I was frustrated, Kenneth.
45:49I'm sorry I called you horrible names.
45:52Did you find a new flatmate?
45:54I did find a new flatmate.
45:57One for you.
45:59Me?
46:00Yeah.
46:02One who's not perfect,
46:04but one who wants to try harder to be a better flatmate and a better friend.
46:07It's you, isn't it?
46:09You're talking about yourself.
46:12Yeah.
46:13Oh, and I thought I wasn't good at cryptic poems.
46:16It shows you, doesn't it?
46:18And I only had to go at you because I'm worried about you.
46:20Liam said that car you're driving is a death trap.
46:23It is.
46:24I thought about that just now when I got stopped by the police.
46:26What?
46:27No.
46:28What happened?
46:29You weren't here. I took a ferry up to the old town.
46:31I was sitting in traffic with an illegal passenger in the back of a car
46:34with seatbelts that don't work and a dodgy indicator and no MOT and three baldy tyres.
46:38Then a copper on the street waved at me to pull over.
46:41Oh, Kenneth, what happened?
46:42Well, he came over to the window, which doesn't wind down properly,
46:45so I had to open the car door to speak to him.
46:47He said, I'm arresting you for wearing blonde highlights and guyliner in a built-up area.
46:51You what?
46:52And then his mates who were all stood behind him,
46:54also wearing fancy dress, burst out laughing.
46:56Bloody hell.
46:58Lucky escape.
46:59If it was, I know.
47:01So, I've dumped the car and I've come back here for a new start.
47:07A new start with all of you, if that's all right.
47:11Sounds good to me. Cheers.
47:13Cheers.
47:14Cheers.
47:15Cheers.
47:18So, did that policeman let you off with a caution, then?
47:25Oh.
47:29I don't need you anymore.
47:32Oh, I don't need you anymore.
47:36Let's just go to bed.
47:37No, I want to have a quick listen at his door.
47:39What, to make sure Bob the Builder's not in there with him?
47:41Don't be stupid.
47:43It's just that he's had a lot to drink.
47:49I'm sorry tonight didn't exactly go to plan.
47:52It's all right, I had fun.
47:53I don't think we'll be hearing from Bruce again any time soon.
47:56Good.
47:57Bruce is an absolute pillock.
47:59His little khaki shorts, on the other hand.
48:02Oh, you like them, did you?
48:05They're all right.
48:06I hope you saved the inflatable crocodile as well.
48:09Oh, you kinky bugger.
48:16Uh-oh.
48:20Uh-oh.
48:22Oh, God.
48:26Uh-oh.
48:31He's...
48:36He's even at the middle of them.
48:44I mean...
48:45Oh bloody hell, I mean from the perspective of Billy Sherham right, he must have really
48:59got in there wham bam thank you and good night, because he didn't leave that much longer there
49:08than they did.
49:09We're talking less than five minutes, that's him getting up there, having a threesome,
49:16and then falling asleep and then them walking in, all in probably the space of about five
49:23minutes, literally distance between them.
49:27So, well, I wonder if that's going to get brought up in the next episode or if that
49:32will just be kind of, yeah, that's just a little joke, we won't really do that much
49:36more with it, you know, we'll obviously find out, you know, next week.
49:45But I like that as an episode, people have said things about, you know, the Dawsons in
49:55general.
49:59They're really growing on me.
50:01Yeah, because, yeah, it was last year that they first got introduced, because obviously
50:06Rob had that thing with Amber.
50:09Yeah, so we're in the second series with them.
50:13Um, Jodie as a character, she hasn't offered the greatest amount, but then that, you know,
50:20the same can be said with Michael, you know, in his early seasons, you know, he sort of
50:25grew into it as he got older, and you can kind of do a little bit more with the
50:28character.
50:29And Rob, obviously, he has his stuff with Tiger and Joey, but then other characters
50:36as well.
50:37Um, I really like Eddie, you know, I don't know if he's the northern aspect of it.
50:43I just really love northerners.
50:46And yeah, my family are northern.
50:48So I have a lot of an affinity with that, you know, particularly with him being a real
50:53Yorkshire kind of guy.
50:55And we've talked about the accents and stuff, I get all that.
50:58And yeah, there's a real rivalry with the northern accents.
51:01I mean, personally, I couldn't tell you the difference between a Leeds, a York, a
51:06Sheffield, a Barnsley accent, I personally can't tell you much difference.
51:10But if you're from one of those areas, you definitely, definitely can tell the
51:16difference.
51:18But yeah, I really like Eddie.
51:20I love his dynamic with his family.
51:22I love the dynamic that he had in the, what, two, yeah, two episodes that we saw
51:28with him with Loretta.
51:30That was a good dynamic.
51:32He's obviously had stuff with Jacqueline and stuff.
51:35So he's getting himself out there a bit.
51:37He's putting himself out there.
51:39He could be considered a slightly more Southern version of Donald.
51:45He's not replacing Donald by any stretch of the imagination.
51:49But he's, he's allowing Jacqueline to have a bit of a Donald style relationship
51:55because she's, since we lost Donald, pretty much everything she's done has always
52:01revolved around Kenneth, Liam and Troy.
52:06Um, so it's nice to kind of see a little bit of the older Jacqueline.
52:12Um, in a way she does, although she feels like the same Jacqueline that we've known
52:19for so many time, so many years, but at the same time, she does feel like a very
52:26different character, if that makes any sense to you.
52:30Um, I don't know what Matteo's beef is with Sam so much because they, they seem
52:40to suggest that they'd resolve the differences at the end of, what was it?
52:43The first or the second episode, you know, where, where it was the thing with the
52:46coupons that she gave him some money and there's a lot, seemed like, yeah, they're
52:50kind of getting on there.
52:51But then they've gone back into that just bickering kind of, uh, sibling rivalry
52:57almost in a way.
52:57Um, so I'm not quite sure where they're kind of going with, with, uh, with them
53:04too.
53:05It'd be interesting to kind of see where, where they're kind of going with that.
53:09Um, but yeah, standouts for this episode, Billie and Sharon.
53:14Billie and Sharon, absolute highlights of this episode.
53:17I mean the worst Australian accent and I would say it's even worse than my attempt
53:24than my attempt at an Australian accent when I did the musical show Priscilla
53:29Queen of the Desert and I played a drag queen in that.
53:31That was a very bad Australian accent.
53:33I'm not going to repeat it because I do not in any way, shape or form wish to
53:38offend any Australians.
53:39And I do have a few Australian viewers for the channel.
53:42So shout out to, to my wonderful community who, who, uh, who are from Down
53:46Under.
53:47Um, but, uh, yeah, yeah, that, that was one of the, well actually no, I think I'm
53:54doing a bit of an injustice.
53:55It's, it was a half decent, bad Australian accent.
54:02If that again makes any sense.
54:03I ask that a lot.
54:04Does that make sense?
54:06It always makes sense in my head.
54:07And I always wonder if it makes sense in other people's, but yeah, it was like,
54:12it's not like Dick Van Dyke when he did a English accent, you know, a Cockney
54:20accent in Mary Poppins.
54:22That is a bad, and I mean a bad accent, but that is kind of one that's just
54:30become so iconic that it's almost become a bit charming.
54:34In a way, I think Billy's could be in a similar sort of vein.
54:37I mean, it is bad.
54:38It's a very stereotypical Australian accent.
54:43Ah, Crikey.
54:44Ah, Drongo.
54:46See what I mean?
54:47See what I mean?
54:48I'm very sorry to any Australians who were suddenly offended by that.
54:52Um, but yeah, I think you get what I'm saying, but yeah, it's, it's an episode
54:57that I think I enjoyed it.
55:00I really, really enjoyed it.
55:01We're, we're getting to the point now with, with this show where we're just
55:06going into silly territory in a lot of instances.
55:09We don't have as many episodes that although are a bit wild and lose, they
55:17could still have a semblance of, of, uh, realism attached to them.
55:21We're kind of getting to silly territories now, aren't we?
55:24But I don't mind.
55:27I don't mind at all.
55:28I hope you liked it and drop me comments.
55:30Let me know what you thought in the comments, of course, you know,
55:33subscribe, check out the Patreon, all the usual bits and bobs, but that is
55:37going to do it for this week's episode of Ben and Dom.
55:39Thank you so very much for watching.
55:41But for now, my name's Kevin.
55:43I am a geek.
55:45And you've been watching Kevin the Geek.
55:46Goodbye.