Kevin the Geek
  • 3 months ago

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😹
Fun
Transcript
00:00Hello everybody, welcome back to the channel, my name's Kevin, I'm a geek, you've been watching
00:15Kevin the Geek, and we are starting series 9 of Benidorm today.
00:21This is series 9 episode 1.
00:22Ironically, I did the same thing yesterday, but still again, that was series 9, that was
00:26episode 1.
00:28The only difference is, but still again, that's the final series of the show.
00:34At least with Benidorm, we've got one more series to go after this one.
00:39So there's 9 episodes in these last two series, so more than we've had in any of the other
00:44series, so we're going to be going until, there'll basically be one Monday after I finish
00:53this in November before going to December.
00:56So I'm not going to start series 10 in the very last week of November.
01:01I will wait until I do that in the new year, but then we will be on the final series.
01:07But for now, we obviously need to go back to Benidorm, see if we have new characters,
01:13if we have returning characters, I don't know.
01:16Let's find out.
01:29Oh, Billy's there.
01:30Can you tell me why this always seems to be the last hotel they drop off from the airport?
01:34They do it alphabetically.
01:35Why do they do that?
01:36That's ridiculous.
01:37We've been past here twice.
01:38That last hotel was a tropical.
01:40If it's alphabetical, we should have been before them.
01:43They use the Spanish alphabet.
01:45They should have a chemical toilet on there.
01:47My blood has gone into shock.
01:49That is, isn't it?
01:55That's Sam from series four and five.
02:00She was with Natalie and then the following year with Trudy, if I remember correctly.
02:07Okay.
02:08So we have one returning character from ages ago.
02:13That's interesting.
02:14What about your bags?
02:15Thanks, Sharon.
02:16Kind of you.
02:17What are you on about?
02:18They use the same alphabet as us.
02:20Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on, amigo.
02:23There's three more cases to come out of there.
02:25Finito.
02:26What do you mean, finito?
02:28Your sympathy.
02:29Where's my dad's cases?
02:35Three red cases about that big?
02:37Did you definitely put them in?
02:38He was supposed to put them in.
02:40He wouldn't let people put them in.
02:41I tried and he told us to just leave them on the pavement.
02:44I don't think Jose would have done that.
02:45You don't speak English?
02:46Yeah, Jose.
02:47No.
02:48Where are the bags?
02:49Just chill out.
02:50They've got to be somewhere.
02:51We know they're somewhere.
02:52The freaking Taj Mahal is somewhere, but it's not here, is it?
02:53I thought your dad's bags were a bit close to that other coat.
02:54I remember thinking that could be dangerous if they went in the wrong coat.
02:55Oh, brilliant.
02:56And you said nothing.
02:57I hope you're not blaming me.
02:58No, of course I'm not.
02:59We're going to go out.
03:00Yes.
03:01Right.
03:02Listen, where's he gone?
03:03Hey, where do you think you're going?
03:04Get out of here now.
03:06if you need them.
03:07Never mind for me.
03:08So, where's our bloody cases?
03:09Sorry, we're not doing this.
03:10No English.
03:11Hey, what are you doing?
03:12Are you a crazy person?
03:13Dad, the cases aren't in the coach.
03:24The mystery can't be solved here.
03:30I'll ask you Sherlock Holmes.
03:33The only mystery here is how he's gone from no English to fully fluent in three seconds
03:36flat.
03:37Come on, amigo, let's be having you.
03:38All for crying out loud.
03:39Yes, I can see it's a holiday rep's table.
03:46I know what a rep's table looks like after nearly 30 years in the travel industry.
03:51Oh, oh, I can't pee.
03:55The worst feeling in the world.
03:56I can't pee.
03:57What on earth is that all about?
04:02I don't know if I had to give an educated guess, I'd say it can't be.
04:07Yeah.
04:08Good guess, though.
04:09Right.
04:10Who put that holiday rep table there?
04:12Wasn't me.
04:14You seem to be under the impression that my question was, who didn't put the table there?
04:18Well, I didn't put it there.
04:20Mario didn't put it there.
04:22Jesus didn't put it there.
04:23Leslie, you're not listening to me.
04:26And it's Jesus.
04:28Bless you.
04:30Where did that crazy man go?
04:34He's here in a bra and wig.
04:36Oh, the crazy man shouting about his pee pee.
04:38He went through there.
04:40Can I help you?
04:47Morning.
04:51You must be Joyce.
04:54I'm Ms. Temple Savage.
04:56Ms. What?
04:58You just said your name is Ms. Temple Savage.
05:00I was told it was Joyce.
05:01Ms. It's what you say when you don't want people to know that you haven't got a fella.
05:05I beg your pardon.
05:09It's Leslie, isn't it?
05:11Yes, pet.
05:13We met before, haven't we?
05:14Yeah, I came here on holiday a few years ago.
05:17We all had a night in the old town with Liam.
05:19Sam, of course.
05:21I'm sorry I didn't recognize you, pet.
05:23Hey, son, look who's here.
05:26Oh, my God.
05:27Are you working in Benidorm?
05:28Yeah.
05:29Excuse me.
05:30What is this?
05:31Surprise, surprise.
05:32Come and see us.
05:33Blow and go.
05:34Best offer I've had today.
05:35What are you doing here?
05:36Don't get your tits in a twist with me, Grandma.
05:37I'm just doing my job.
05:38If you've got a problem, take it up with Benny Go Travel.
05:39In my office now.
05:40No, love.
05:41You want to talk to me?
05:42You come to my office over there.
05:43Oh.
05:44Oh.
05:45Oh.
05:46Oh.
05:47Oh.
05:48Oh.
05:49Oh.
05:50Oh.
05:51Oh.
05:52Oh.
05:53Oh.
05:54Oh.
05:55Oh.
05:56What are you going to do about these cases?
06:00If you'd like to make your way over to our new complaints desk, Sir.
06:04Right.
06:06Ha, ha, ha, ha.
06:10Mina, are they traveling with Benny Go Travel?
06:12I go away for three days.
06:14Oh, my word.
06:15Smells like somebody died in here.
06:17Ohhh.
06:20What the hell's that noise?
06:22Hello?
06:23Hello?
06:27Who is it? Who's there?
06:36I've got a weapon!
06:43It's a gun!
06:45I have got a gun!
06:47That don't look like a gun!
06:48I am not afraid to use it!
06:52Kenneth! You frightened me to death!
06:54What have you been doing in here? It stinks!
06:59What's the story, Morning Glory?
07:03Get up! And open a window!
07:11Bloody hell!
07:14That's it, son. Keep pouring it in.
07:17Hey!
07:18What are you doing?
07:20I'm trying to go for a pee.
07:22You cannot pee in the pool. This is against the rules.
07:24I don't want to pee in the pool, you idiot.
07:26Then why do you not go to the toilet like a normal person?
07:29I've been in there, runny-tapped. Now it's working. I've seized up.
07:34Get out of it, you little bastards!
07:37Hey! Stop it, you stupid children!
07:40Hey! Hey! Where are you going?
07:43Come back here, you crazy fat man! You cannot run around like a pony stick!
07:46Dude!
07:47This is ridiculous.
07:49Your dad's only got the clothes he's standing up in.
07:51You're talking off me, Grandad. Where is he?
07:53He said he needs to go for a wee.
07:55So he's at the airport, then on the plane, then on the coach.
07:58He ran in here. So he must have gone to the toilet.
08:01That were ages ago, darling.
08:03He's had time to do a shed-load of other stuff as well as, you know, a wee.
08:08I say!
08:09Oh, he's only been gone ten minutes. I don't think we need a search party just yet.
08:14Si no están en el otro autobús, entonces ¿dónde están?
08:18Oh, sé que han desaparecido, pero no puedo decirse a esta familia.
08:25Y lo mismo a ti.
08:28Good news. They've found your cases.
08:31Where were they? On the other coach?
08:33No. I mean, yeah. I mean, I don't know.
08:36Well, the point is, they've found them. The bags.
08:39I mean, they won't be here for a few hours, but in the meantime,
08:42I could probably wangle you an upgrade on one of your rooms.
08:45Oh, lovely.
08:46They must know where they found them.
08:51Come here, you crazy man.
08:53Dad, are you all right? What's wrong?
08:55I can't pee. I'm in terrible pain.
08:59Somebody call a doctor.
09:01Call a doctor and say what? I need to pee?
09:03Sharon.
09:04I mean, to be fair, yeah.
09:05Sit down for a minute.
09:06I can't sit down. I'm going to explode.
09:09What's wrong with your granddad? Why is he going to explode?
09:15I mean, I think Sharon is hoping he might explode.
09:17The thing is, Crystal, we have never had a holiday rep table in the Solana.
09:23And this idiot company, Benny Go Travel, is clearly run by delinquents.
09:31I see.
09:32You own Benny Go Travel.
09:34Oh!
09:35Well, what's happening?
09:40Sorry?
09:42A noise?
09:44No, I didn't hear anything this end.
09:48What the hell was that?
09:49It's OK, Crystal.
09:51I will give Sam as much help as she needs.
09:56Adios.
10:06Look at this.
10:09What is going on here? What is going on?
10:11Look what you have done, you greasy man.
10:14Look. Look at the water.
10:16We would love to see your dishes.
10:18Oh.
10:20Typical.
10:23Come here.
10:24Dad, you all right?
10:25Speak to me. You all right, Dad?
10:29Dad, mind all that glass.
10:33You missed one.
10:36Oh.
10:37Move away, everybody. Move away.
10:39There is still water leaking from the fish tank.
10:42That's not water from the fish tank, son.
10:45Oh.
10:46Oh.
10:48Oh.
10:49Oh.
10:51Oh, that's better.
10:53Oh.
10:57Oh, my words.
11:01Not a single loss of life.
11:03No bother.
11:07Oh, my God.
11:08How come Crystal Hennessy-Vass
11:11can create a travel web company,
11:16put it in the Salona
11:17and fail to tell the manager?
11:20Surely, that's the first person you're going to tell.
11:23Because otherwise, you go...
11:25You get a situation like that, clearly.
11:28Here we go.
11:29Lock up your daughters, Bennet.
11:31Oh, they're back again.
11:32Yeah, man.
11:33Oh, here we go.
11:34All right, lads, do you need to check in?
11:36We certainly do.
11:37Tiger Dyke, Joey Ellis, two singles.
11:40I'm just holding the phone.
11:41That's right, that's right.
11:42We're both singles.
11:43If you have any kids, you should lock them up.
11:46I'm sorry?
11:47I mean daughters.
11:48Have you got a daughter?
11:49Because if you have, you should lock her up.
11:51Joey, no.
11:52What are you talking about?
11:53I've no idea. It was something he said.
11:55Forget it.
11:56Right.
11:57We've got two kinds of holidays here in Benidorm.
11:59We've got your standard mental holiday
12:01or we've got mental, mental Chicken Oriental.
12:04Put me down for the last one.
12:05Yeah, me as well.
12:06I love Chinese.
12:08OK.
12:09Yeah, they're not Chinese.
12:10Chicken will open just now,
12:11but if you make your way over to my desk,
12:13I'll talk you through a few trips we've got going
12:15and maybe give you boys a couple of cheeky welcome shots, yeah?
12:19Let's do this.
12:20All the ladies in the house say whoa.
12:25Whoa.
12:26Yeah, a drink would be lovely, thank you.
12:28Oh, thanks for that, pet.
12:30Sorry I was so long.
12:32Yes, gentlemen, check it in.
12:35Not just yet, thanks.
12:37Woo!
12:40Get him in, get him in whilst we can.
12:42Welcome to the salon. Check it in.
12:44Get him in!
12:47I thought Joey doesn't drink.
12:51All right.
12:52Enough with the air freshener.
12:53I've got my carbon footprint to think about.
12:55Says you spraying your hair with lacquer.
12:57This is a tool of my trade.
12:59I can smell most of your trade from the past three days in there.
13:02She could get.
13:03I'm over 18.
13:04I can invite whoever I like into my boudoir.
13:06That's the point.
13:07This is not your boudoir, it's a hair salon.
13:10Look, I'm having problems with me flat at the moment.
13:14What sort of problems with your flat?
13:16I haven't got one.
13:17Kenneth, you can't live in the salon.
13:19Why not?
13:20Because you can't move for empty pot noodles and crispy tissues.
13:23That is a treatment room, not a bed sit.
13:26Why can't we have it as a bed sit at night
13:28and a treatment room during the day?
13:30Because the only treatment people would need going in there
13:32would be against impetigo.
13:34Impetigo?
13:35I thought that was a shade of purple.
13:40You need to get a flat.
13:42I can't afford another flat.
13:43I haven't got a penny to my name.
13:45Well, you can't sleep here.
13:46We haven't even got a window we can open.
13:48I admit it's not ideal.
13:50If it's not stag parties singing blared lines at 3 in the morning,
13:53it's 25 stone pensioners smashing into fish tanks.
13:56I haven't had a wink of sleep this morning.
14:02Hello.
14:03Any chance of a quick trim?
14:06Please, take a seat.
14:09Young Liam here will attend to your every wish.
14:11Just a bit off the sides and back, please.
14:14No problem.
14:15A lot of weather we've been having recently.
14:19What's that smell?
14:21Smell?
14:22It's like a cross between wet dogs and mouldy cheese.
14:26Hello.
14:31We were giving our back end a bit of an airing.
14:34Hello.
14:42Can I please go see my grandad?
14:44No, darling, he needs to rest.
14:47I could sing to him.
14:48That might make him feel better.
14:50Yeah, maybe not.
14:53No, best we leave him.
14:55Yeah, not after how he sung last year.
14:57I don't think we're going to see much of him at all for the next couple of days.
15:00With a bit of luck.
15:02I've tried to convince him, but he won't see a doctor.
15:04Oh, he'll be all right.
15:05He's as tough as old boots, that one.
15:07Eh?
15:08What about this room?
15:09It's lovely, isn't it?
15:11Sharon, my 70-year-old dad just smashed headfirst into a mass grave.
15:15He smashed headfirst into a massive fish tank.
15:17He's not 70, is he?
15:18He'll be 70 in December.
15:20And is this the upgrade that theoretically Sam got for them?
15:25Or did they pay for this upgrade?
15:28Because if they paid for it, then fair enough.
15:30But if it was the upgrade, if it's Eddie's bags that were missing,
15:37doesn't it not make sense that he's the one who gets the upgrade?
15:42You don't seem to be bothered.
15:44Of course I'm bothered.
15:45We'll have a nice party for him.
15:47I don't mean about him being 70, I mean...
15:49Hey, what's happened to my cases?
15:51I haven't got a stitch of clothing to wear.
15:53And dad...
15:54Oh, don't be mithering me, Geordie.
15:57Love me back's killing me.
15:58Oh, mithering, I love that word.
16:00Why don't you go and see if our Robert's ready to go down to the pool?
16:04What about me?
16:05How am I going to live at pool with no clothes?
16:07You've got the clothes you travelled in.
16:09They're soaking wet.
16:10I gave them O'Tell to clean and dry.
16:12You can borrow a pair of my shorts.
16:13A pair of your shorts?
16:14What am I going to do with them?
16:16Put them on me head?
16:17Right, that's us all unpacked.
16:20I'll see you by the pool.
16:23What about me? What about me clothes?
16:25I'll go buy you some.
16:26You? I'm not letting you buy me clothes.
16:29I want something with a bit of style.
16:31Thanks.
16:34How did you get this room?
16:36You told me they were all the same.
16:38Well?
16:40Just look at the drawer, innit?
16:42Oh, it was the upgrade.
16:47Yeah, Eddie ain't going to be happy.
16:53You two alright?
16:54Yeah.
16:55Yeah.
16:56Because I've got a surprise for you.
16:58What is it?
16:59It's not me grandad in one of your dresses, is it?
17:02No, I was going to tell you before, but...
17:06What do you mean in one of my dresses?
17:08How could your grandad fit into one of my dresses?
17:11He couldn't carry on.
17:12Then where did you see it?
17:14He won't let me go and buy him clothes because he says I've got no style.
17:22I said my dad...
17:23Yeah, I love how Noah's contradicted him.
17:25Right, so he's asked if you want to go shopping for him.
17:27No.
17:28What's the surprise?
17:29What surprise?
17:31Well, somebody's coming to visit us.
17:34Coming where? To Benidorm?
17:35Yep.
17:36Today?
17:37Yep.
17:38Who?
17:39Is it Emily?
17:40Who's Emily?
17:41Emily, from school.
17:43You've met her loads of times.
17:45She always sings,
17:46All about that bass, about that bass, no treble.
17:49Oh, that Emily.
17:50No, not her.
17:51No, somebody who wasn't in Benidorm,
17:54but they've made a special journey to come all the way here and see us.
17:59Why are you doing that stupid game show voice?
18:02Is it someone we hate?
18:03Oh, clearly.
18:04Don't be silly, we don't hate anybody in this family.
18:06Yeah, you probably do.
18:07Well, in that case, we could get my dad some clothes.
18:08Oh, hang on.
18:09I'm in the middle of something.
18:10Who is it?
18:13It's Nana Chase.
18:16Nana Chase is coming to see us.
18:18What?
18:19What's she coming here for?
18:20Rob, that's no way to speak about your Nana.
18:23Nana Chase isn't really like a Nana.
18:25Of course she is.
18:26She's my mummy, which makes her your Nana.
18:28I know she is.
18:29I said she's not like a Nana.
18:31She's more like an angry woman in a shop.
18:35What shop?
18:36Sex shop.
18:38Why didn't you tell us your mother was coming to Benidorm?
18:40Why?
18:41Why didn't you tell us?
18:42Why would you do that?
18:43Why?
18:44I just did.
18:45I can put up with your father for a year.
18:47You can put up with my mother for 48 hours.
18:49Come on, Jodie.
18:50We're going shopping.
18:54Clearly, no one in the family likes her.
18:57I wonder, are they going to try and make her like Madge?
18:59Or are they going to try and make her a bit different?
19:01Because I don't really feel I want a Madge rip-off.
19:05I want something a bit different, you know?
19:07Hey, hang on.
19:09He wants a full outfit for that.
19:10Shoes and all.
19:12Where does he expect us to go shopping?
19:131965.
19:16Joke shop, maybe?
19:17He said he wants something jazzy and not boring.
19:22Jazzy and not boring.
19:23They won't be long.
19:24Won't they?
19:25Nah.
19:26Benidorm joke shop's only a couple of minutes away.
19:29There you go.
19:31It's taken years off you.
19:32It's all different.
19:33You could pass for a man in his early 50s.
19:35I'm 48.
19:39Well, that'll be 12 euros, please.
19:42How did you know Herbert?
19:44Oh, poor Herbert.
19:47He was me uncle.
19:48Well, not by birth, but a very good friend of me mother's.
19:51I was Herbert's dentist.
19:53Nonsense!
19:55I was Herbert's dentist.
19:57Bloody hell!
19:59So you were to blame.
20:01He only needed a few black ones and he would have been like a piano with the lid up.
20:04I did some of my finest work on Herbert's teeth.
20:07I didn't agree on the shade of white he favoured, but that was Herbert.
20:11Larger than life.
20:14I inherited them.
20:16You inherited what?
20:17The teeth.
20:18Herbert's teeth.
20:19He gave them to Kenneth in his will.
20:20Really?
20:21Yeah.
20:22As you can imagine, I was thrilled.
20:24Do you still have them?
20:25Oh, they're in a bank somewhere. I'm between the dresses at the moment.
20:29Um, I'll give you 50 euros for them.
20:33For teeth?
20:34I'm not sure I could part with them.
20:36They hold a great deal of sentimental value.
20:38Sentimental value? You said you were terrified of them.
20:41Shut up.
20:42100 euros?
20:43I couldn't.
20:44It'd be like losing a limb.
20:46150.
20:47How can you put a price on a smile?
20:49I just had. 150 euros.
20:51No.
20:53Sorry.
20:54I put my uncle at 10 in his grave.
20:56Well, if you change your mind.
20:58I'm Stanley Keen. I have a dental practice in the old town.
21:01That's my number.
21:04Have a good day.
21:05He's...
21:11Does it just me or is that weird?
21:14He seemed very eager to get them teeth.
21:23Keen by name, keen by nature.
21:25Yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:26Are you going to sell them?
21:28Not for 150 euros.
21:30It would go towards a deposit on a new flat.
21:33What's he want with them teeth?
21:35They wouldn't fit anyone else.
21:39Put the clothes sign up, Liam. It's time for the treasure hunt.
21:44I mean, are they treasure? Are they, like...
21:46You start on this one.
21:48Findable.
21:55Two orange juices.
21:57I have no idea how you crazy English people
21:59will keep up this level of fun for a whole week.
22:02Don't you worry about us, my friend.
22:04It's a marathon, not a sprint.
22:06Yeah, and we have our running shoes on, so lock up your family.
22:12Most of my family already locked up.
22:14I can't believe they let you back in.
22:17Yeah!
22:19Look after those boys for me, Mateo.
22:21I want them in tip-top condition for my pub crawl on Friday night.
22:25Why did you come here to work?
22:27Well, I heard you were still scrabbling around in the dirt
22:30on minimum wage in Benidorm, so I thought I'd come and watch.
22:34I am not scrambling with the dirt.
22:36I am senior barman. I am making more money than you.
22:40Oh, no, my friend.
22:42After all your many, many years in Benidorm,
22:44you must know how many scams and kickbacks holiday reps are on.
22:48Miss Temple Savage does not want you here.
22:50Good luck with your kick scams.
22:52You will be taking the sack before the end of the week.
22:55It's true. Temple Savage don't want me around.
22:58So that's why I'm here, to spread the wealth.
23:01The only thing you are good at spreading is your thunder thighs.
23:07How I have missed your wit and charm, Mateo.
23:10Oh, that reminds me.
23:12Nat sends her best.
23:14Nat?
23:15Yeah, my mate Natalie, who you went out with and proposed to.
23:18Maybe I should narrow it down a bit.
23:20Dark, petite, very girly.
23:23That's her I'm describing, not you.
23:26Natalie. Of course.
23:30I was supposed to call her, but I lost my phone.
23:34Save it, dick for brains. Nobody cares.
23:38What did you want?
23:39I tell you what I want. A quiet life.
23:41So in the spirit of us all getting along, I'm giving you these.
23:47What are these?
23:48Discount coupons for some of the theme parks.
23:51Every time a punter uses one of them, you get a euro.
23:54This is some kind of trick.
23:55That's still your problem, isn't it, Mateo?
23:58What?
23:59Well, apart from being an old, greasy, leathery-faced failure,
24:03you still don't know a good thing when you see it.
24:06Whoa!
24:12All right? Did you get something for me, Dad?
24:15Of course I did. Just give him it.
24:18Well?
24:19Well, what?
24:20What did he get? How much was it? Did he like it?
24:22Oh, bloody hell, what's this, 20 questions?
24:24I don't know if he liked it. I'll just give him the bag.
24:26Well, what was it? What did you get?
24:28Oh, for God's sake. I got him what he asked for.
24:30A jazzy, colourful, something he can wear during the day and night.
24:34Oh, right.
24:35Well, I'm going to go and get it.
24:37A jazzy, colourful, something he can wear during the day and night.
24:40Oh, right.
24:42Where's our Geordie?
24:43I was wondering how long it would take you.
24:45She went and dicked your doughnut.
24:46Who?
24:47Kate's club.
24:48What the bloody hell's that?
24:50Well, oddly enough, it's a club in the hotel that's just...
24:53No, not that. That!
24:56Are you taking the piss?
24:58I'm sorry, Eddie.
24:59What the freak your girl is?
25:01It's what you asked for.
25:02Something colourful, jazzy, easy to wear.
25:05It's a jazzy.
25:06I don't like to get my bloody nose shot.
25:08It's delightful.
25:09It's too much to spend my money on.
25:11It don't look too bad.
25:13It's pretty good.
25:14What the freaking hell is this?
25:18That's it.
25:19Get your bloody laugh out of me.
25:27What was that?
25:28Listen, Eddie.
25:29I got your bloody laugh out of me.
25:32Oh!
25:37Listen, Eddie.
25:38I got you exactly what you asked for.
25:40If you don't like...
25:42Oh, my God, you dirty sod!
25:44Oh!
25:45Oh, my God!
25:47Oh!
25:48You dirty, dirty...
25:55That's two euros makes you ten,
25:57and ten's your twenty.
25:59Ten and ten's your twenty.
26:01Is that all right for you, Phyllis?
26:03Definitely.
26:04Oh, you look gorgeous.
26:06If only I was 50 or 60 years older.
26:21Oh!
26:22Oh!
26:23Oh!
26:24Oh!
26:25Oh!
26:26Oh!
26:27Oh!
26:28Oh!
26:30Lives guarded by me!
26:33I found him!
26:36Did you hear me?
26:37I said, I found the thief!
26:43What about?
26:44I've just been violated.
26:46Violated?
26:48By who?
26:49There was nobody here apart from Phyllis.
26:51You've been violated by Phyllis.
26:53She didn't pull up her skirt and show you her ankle.
26:56She felt my bum.
27:00Are you on glue?
27:01I feel like a piece of meat.
27:03Oh, Liam!
27:04Phyllis is 90 and she's a day.
27:06The last thing she's going to do is look at you like a piece of meat.
27:10Not without her teeth in any way.
27:12Right.
27:13Talking of teeth, come on.
27:16We're off to see the dentist.
27:18We're off to see the dentist.
27:20Good start.
27:24Come on.
27:26I want to have a shower.
27:30Come on.
27:32Let's go before Phyllis comes back wearing something very revealing in Crete de Chine.
27:41I hope this is just a break you're going on.
27:44That salon is never open.
27:45What do you care?
27:47Green was never your colour.
27:48It clashes terribly with your five o'clock shadow.
27:56All I'm saying, Leslie, is yes.
27:58It's not unusual for the salon to put a rep into the hotel.
28:02But this Sam may not be all she seems.
28:07How do you mean?
28:08I mean she could be a rat.
28:12Really?
28:13Yes.
28:14That's surprising because I'm not supposed to get on with rats.
28:17What with me being a pig.
28:20Sorry?
28:21Chinese Zodiac on the year of the pig.
28:23Oh.
28:24No, no, you don't understand.
28:25She could be a mole.
28:28A snake in the grass.
28:31There's a year of the snake but I can't remember them being a mole.
28:35Will you shut up about the Chinese bloody Zodiac?
28:39That new rep is an informant.
28:44Who's she informing?
28:45Crystal Hennessy Vass.
28:47But if we're not doing anything wrong, she's got nothing to inform her about.
28:51Yes.
28:54Stop. Speechless.
28:56She's got a point.
28:57Yes, pal.
28:58She's got a point.
29:02This is actually very comfortable.
29:06You look brilliant, Grandad.
29:07Like a big fat shining sun.
29:09All right.
29:10Less of the fat.
29:12You what?
29:13You're not wearing that all day, are you?
29:15Sharon said she'd go and get you something else, didn't you?
29:18It seems I'll be in that.
29:20You said they'd found me cases so I should get them back today.
29:23Plus they've got me clothes I was wearing when I ran into a fish tank.
29:28Mind you, I wish you'd not get in me underpants.
29:32The old gobstoppers are getting a bit sticky.
29:36Excuse me, excuse me.
29:38Everything all right?
29:39No, not really. What's happening with them cases?
29:41Cases?
29:42Yeah, me dad's cases. You said they'd found them.
29:45Did I?
29:47I mean I did. I did say that.
29:49You said they won't be here for a few hours but in the meantime you could wangle an upgrade on one of the rooms.
29:53Is that right? Wangle?
29:55Oh.
29:56So, your room is an upgrade.
29:59You said it with the look of the draw.
30:01Right, I want that room.
30:03You can frig off.
30:04What we thought was because you had the room upgrade last year
30:07Look at that, it's my cases that's gone missing.
30:10That room belongs to me.
30:11Well, you're not in that room.
30:13So that's the evidence.
30:14Yeah, just that we're all...
30:15Just get out there.
30:16You're lucky you've got some at Tornpike.
30:18What about me?
30:19Dressed as a living room curm with me knackers stuck to me legs.
30:22All right, no, that's enough.
30:25And Eddie paid for his upgrade last year.
30:28That fact still baffles me.
30:31That he doesn't bring that up.
30:35You know, Sherwin was going off on him all that time going
30:38Oh, you got the upgrade and we had the crappy one.
30:41No, he paid for the upgrade.
30:45So, yeah, he paid for the upgrade last year.
30:48He's entitled to that one.
30:50He has the issue with the cases this year.
30:52He's entitled to it that way.
30:54End of discussion.
30:55Oh my days, what's your dad wearing?
30:57That's my granddad.
30:59Oh my days, what's your granddad wearing?
31:01He smashed into a fish tank.
31:03Oh, that would explain it.
31:05So?
31:06Really?
31:32True.
31:37Yeah, I better get back to them.
31:39See you later.
31:40We've got all week to go out, yeah?
31:41No worries, man.
31:43Hey, maybe we can get some caftans to go out in tonight.
31:46Joey, we're going out tonight to try and sleep with women.
31:50And what's a sleep with me better than going out in something that looks like a duvet?
31:54He's got a point.
31:56You know I'm on to something.
31:58For once he's actually on to something.
32:00Yeah, a night hat on your eye if you can't dress like that.
32:04I mean, I wouldn't mind going out with someone like that.
32:07I've got no stress sense.
32:09Yeah, I think about it.
32:10Cheers, love.
32:11Ta-ra.
32:13What was it?
32:14Moe.
32:17You don't know.
32:18No.
32:19You do.
32:20Moe.
32:21Flaming Moe.
32:22Big Moe.
32:23Slow Moe.
32:24Fly Moe.
32:25Moe.
32:26Oh, okay, now pennies dropped.
32:27No matter how many words or phrases you put before or after the name,
32:30it won't change the fact I don't know anyone called Moe.
32:32He's that Moroccan barman from the pink trombone in the old town.
32:35I think his full name is Mohamed.
32:37Either that or Maureen.
32:39Anyway, he's moving in with his boyfriend and his flat's up for rent.
32:42He's giving me first refusal.
32:44There you go, perfect.
32:45Liam, how am I going to afford a two-bed flat in the old town?
32:48Oh, is it a two-bedder?
32:49Yeah.
32:50So I won't be living before now.
32:52Absolutely no chance.
32:54Well, you're selling your dead uncle's teeth for 150 euros.
32:57It's a start.
32:58Liam, do you mind?
33:00Sometimes you make me sound so insensitive, almost uncaring.
33:04Sorry.
33:06Come on, give them scaredy-nashers.
33:08We're going in.
33:15And then she give me these and say if I hand them out, I will get money.
33:19Well, she's obviously on some sort of commission with the theme parks.
33:22Yes, I know this, but why is she giving this to me?
33:25Because she wants to get along with everyone.
33:28No.
33:29No way.
33:30I know her.
33:31She's a snake.
33:32Oh, don't you start as well.
33:33What?
33:34Nothing.
33:35Look, I don't know the last well, but I remember when she was here on holiday,
33:38and she seems okay.
33:39No.
33:41No, my little makeup-wearing friend.
33:43I do not trust her and will be giving her the wider girth,
33:47and I suggest you give her one as well.
33:53Right.
33:54What's going on with my clothes?
33:56By your current outfit, I'd say you pretty much lost the plot.
33:59Not these clothes.
34:00The clothes I gave you to dry clean.
34:02You didn't give me any clothes to dry clean.
34:04Not you personally.
34:06I came out of me room and I gave me clothes to a member of staff
34:09walking down the corridor, and I told him I wanted them dry cleaned.
34:13Well, don't do dry cleaning.
34:15Well, where are me clothes?
34:17Okay, let's start from the beginning.
34:19Which member of staff did you give your clothes to?
34:23Er, they were wearing red overalls and they had a badge saying Jesus.
34:28You gave your clothes to Jesus?
34:30He works in maintenance.
34:31He'd have gone home by now.
34:32Well, then where are me cases that went missing?
34:34Oh, well, you'll have to see the rep about that.
34:38No, bugger that.
34:40You just keep fobbing me off.
34:41I want my clothes.
34:43I'm not asking the rep and I'm not asking Jesus.
34:45I'm asking you.
34:48Excuse me, is there a problem?
34:50Yes, there is.
34:51I want to know what's happened to me clothes.
34:54By the look of them, I'm not sure.
34:56An explosion in a paint factory?
34:58Not these clothes, the clothes in me suitcases.
35:02We don't have your clothes.
35:05I suggest you talk to your rep.
35:07If you can find her.
35:09Right, that's it.
35:11I'll see you in court because I'm suing you.
35:14Really?
35:15Right after we sue you for destroying hotel property,
35:19endangering the lives of hotel guests from flying glass,
35:21attempted murder on various tropical fish,
35:24and peeing on our reception floor.
35:30You've not seen the last of me.
35:32Seen the last of you?
35:34Wearing that ridiculous outfit, we can see you from the bloody moon.
35:40They're making her go a little bit mad at the moment.
35:42She's very sharp-tongued.
35:45Unless I don't think my nose can take much more today.
35:49What you need is a lovely relaxation foot massage
35:53and a cheeky manicure.
35:55You're right.
35:57That would be lovely.
36:05Ah!
36:07I must apologise for being a bit sentimental earlier, Kenny.
36:13It is Kenny, isn't it?
36:14Kenneth.
36:15The thing is, Kenny, I offered you far too much money.
36:19To anybody else, these teeth are worthless.
36:22However, I will give you 50 euros.
36:2650? You said 150 in the salon.
36:28Their market value is nil.
36:30Zero. Nada.
36:32It's just that they do represent my finest work.
36:36I mean, would Franz Harls want his laughing cavalier back?
36:40Would Whistler want his mother back?
36:43I'm sorry, I don't know who any of these people are.
36:45Or their mothers.
36:46You're not familiar with art, are you, Kenny?
36:48Actually, that's where you're wrong.
36:50My mother had quite an extensive art collection.
36:52Oh, really?
36:53Yes, including that one of the dogs sitting at the table playing cards
36:56and the Chinese woman with the green face.
36:58Well, then, you clearly know a work of art when you see one.
37:01So if they're a work of art, they must be worth money.
37:04But only to me.
37:06And luckily, that's who we're selling them to.
37:08And luckily, that's who we're selling them to.
37:10So get your purse out.
37:12Well, I can offer you 60 euros.
37:14300.
37:16Oh, that is ridiculous.
37:17Come on, Liam, we're wasting our time here.
37:1970 euros.
37:20300 euros.
37:2175.
37:22250 euros, and that's me bottom line.
37:24Kenny, you're crazy.
37:25These teeth are worthless, and you said yourself you don't like them.
37:28Now, stop being greedy and give me back my work!
37:31Firstly, my name is not Kenny. It's Kenneth.
37:34And secondly, if you want my uncle's teeth,
37:36you'll have to get your snorkel out because I'm throwing these in the sea.
37:38What?
37:39You can't do that.
37:40Burial at sea, very dignified.
37:41What Herbert would have wanted.
37:42I cannot let you throw these teeth in the sea.
37:44I will not let you do that.
37:45Give it to me.
37:46Give it to me!
37:47Get off the man!
37:48Give it to me!
37:49No!
37:50No!
37:51Get off my feet!
37:54Give it to me!
37:55No!
37:56Give it to me!
37:57No!
37:58Give it to me!
38:01Oops.
38:06Oh.
38:11Worthless to anyone but you.
38:13Oh, Stanley.
38:16You little liar.
38:17Oh!
38:19Gold teeth!
38:21Bleh!
38:39Nice!
38:40I can't believe in all this time you had no idea half those teeth were solid gold.
38:43I was hardly going to take them out of the box and try them for size.
38:45Your uncle Herbert did look after you in the end.
38:471,400 euros.
38:48Small change to him.
38:49Don't be ungrateful.
38:50It's more money than anyone's ever given me.
38:52No, you've got a point.
38:54Cheers, Uncle Herbert.
38:55To Uncle Herbert.
38:56Uncle Herbert.
39:01And now, thanks to him, you get your dream flat in the old town.
39:04Oh, I've been thinking about that.
39:06There's no way I'm going to be able to afford a flat on my own.
39:08Not long term.
39:09So get a flat, mate.
39:10Who's going to share with me?
39:11Someone who likes you.
39:13Someone who's tidy and can encourage you to be more tidy.
39:17Somebody trustworthy.
39:19Good fun.
39:20Someone you like being around.
39:23You've just ruled out most of the people I drink with.
39:26This calls for a list to be drawn up.
39:29Kenneth, you moron!
39:40You all right?
39:41Yeah, we're staying here for at least half an hour.
39:43Yeah, yeah, sweet.
39:44I'm going to nip back to the Solana.
39:46I'll be back.
39:47Bit of business.
39:48Yeah, no worries.
39:53Where's she going?
39:54Those glow sticks, that whistle, I'd say the late 1980s.
39:57How you been getting on?
39:59Not bad.
40:00Chatted to a nice girl, but she was, like, 18.
40:02What's wrong with that?
40:03No good, mate.
40:04You never get past first base.
40:06I need a woman with a bit more experience.
40:09An older woman spoke to me at that other bar.
40:11She was nice.
40:12How much older?
40:13Too old, mate.
40:14I'd say in her 40s.
40:16Never say no to an older woman.
40:18Really?
40:19Yeah.
40:20You know about a woman's sexual peak?
40:21Is that when she has a sneaky look at your knob?
40:23What?
40:24What?
40:25No, no, not that kind of peak.
40:26A woman is at her sexual peak at around 40 years of age.
40:30Seriously?
40:31You look like Loretta, then.
40:32Loretta?
40:33Ooh, that is the name of one dirty lady.
40:37Show me the one.
40:38Mate, if that's what you're into, you should go for it.
40:41She looks like she's on her own as well.
40:43Oh, hang on a minute.
40:44There she is.
40:45Loretta, may I introduce my friend, Tiger?
40:48Oh.
40:49Hello, Tiger.
40:51Tiger was just saying he's absolutely mad for an older woman.
40:55Oh, no offence.
40:57No offence taken, Joey.
40:59None whatsoever.
41:00Same again, boys?
41:01Yeah, nice one.
41:03Orange juice for me and a pint for Tiger.
41:05Coming up, boys.
41:07Oh.
41:09Joey, she's about 100.
41:11100?
41:12Seriously?
41:13Well, not 100, but you know, a heck of a lot older than late 30s.
41:17I've always been rubbish at guessing people's age.
41:19Plus, it was dark over at the other side of the club.
41:22Still, look on the bright side.
41:24She's getting the drinks in.
41:26True.
41:28True.
41:31Oh!
41:58All right.
41:59But it's going to add up, this lot, you know.
42:01Add up skimp on my clobber.
42:03Yeah, I can see that.
42:05Anyway, the Solana group have admitted full responsibility,
42:08so we should settle your claim before the end of the holiday.
42:10And so you should.
42:11Oh, and they don't usually do this,
42:13but I got them to give you an emergency payment of 100 euros
42:17to buy a new outfit to keep you going.
42:20Just sign there for it,
42:21and I'll get that processed as soon as possible.
42:23Thank you, sweetheart.
42:25Thank you, sweetheart. You've done me proud.
42:28Have a good one.
42:32I might lose my cases a bit more often from now on.
42:36Grandad, people are still laughing at your dress.
42:39They're not laughing at your grandad's dress, darling.
42:41They're laughing at your grandad's kaftan.
42:43Men don't wear dresses.
42:45Evening.
42:47Some men wear dresses, but your grandad is wearing a kaftan.
42:50Happy timing.
42:52Very funny, Sharon.
42:54But you know I'll have the last laugh when I get my compensation claim.
42:58What are you going to do in the meantime?
43:00You can't wear that every day.
43:02Of course not.
43:03I'm going to get myself a pair of speedos tomorrow.
43:05Oh, no.
43:07I'll be wearing those.
43:09Or maybe a nice leopard-skin thong.
43:12Oh!
43:14No, we've had enough with that from Mel.
43:16Listen, would you lot mind if I went out with Tiger and Joey tonight?
43:18I told them I was staying here,
43:19but as my nana isn't coming in till tomorrow now...
43:21Yeah, you go out, son.
43:23I might end up in one of them dodgy bars with you all
43:25doing shots out of a stripper's belly button.
43:27Give us a shout. I might join you.
43:29Joke. Obviously, just a joke.
43:31I might try to make kaftan shots.
43:34Right. See you all later.
43:36Oh, don't be late.
43:38I won't. I'll be really, really early.
43:40And be careful.
43:42I can shadow him if you like.
43:45What?
43:47You know, following from a discreet distance
43:49so you don't get into any bother.
43:51Discreet distance?
43:53Just as a large child's do be.
43:55You look great, Grandad.
43:57He makes me happy every time I look at you.
43:59Well, then we're equal, my darling.
44:01Because every time I look at you, you make me very happy.
44:03And to show you how happy you make me, Grandad,
44:05I'm going to sing you a song.
44:07Oh.
44:09Oh, I didn't realise you were that happy.
44:11I tell you what, darling,
44:13why don't you wait a few days?
44:15Because you know that thing you get on the aeroplane
44:17where you can't hear anything?
44:19Yeah.
44:21Well, I've got that, and I sure hate to miss it, darling.
44:23Truly, I would.
44:25You never mentioned your ears when you got off the plane.
44:27Pardon?
44:29Yeah.
44:31I tell you what, she's all right.
44:33Leslie, you do not know her.
44:35She was always making trouble for me
44:37and my girlfriend Natalie.
44:39Or was she just trying to protect her
44:41because you were all married?
44:43Whose side are you on, huh?
44:45I'm on nobody's side. I'm just saying we should give her a chance.
44:47Here you go.
44:49Ten euros.
44:53What is this?
44:55From the coupons I gave you today.
44:57The flyers.
44:59What trick are you playing, huh?
45:01I threw those flyers away.
45:03No, you didn't.
45:05What?
45:07You threw them next to the computer on the reception.
45:09I put them on the desk.
45:11Well, whatever.
45:13Obviously, ten people used them for the various theme parks,
45:15and you get one euro commission for each one.
45:17It's not a fortune,
45:19but over a month it can add up to quite a nice bonus.
45:21I'll get some for you, too, Leslie.
45:23Well, that's if you want some.
45:25Oh, aye, chugging.
45:27Right, that is me finally knocking off for tonight.
45:29Time for a drink with your Liam.
45:31See you later.
45:37So, are we all agreed
45:39that we're going to do the best we can
45:41to get Crystal to remove this
45:43annoying holly durette?
45:45No, she's great.
45:47I knew that was coming.
45:49I think she'll do really well here.
45:51Yes, great, how do you say,
45:53addition to the team.
45:57Right.
45:59Speaking of addition to the team,
46:01have we knocked Amber this year?
46:03That's got decided, then.
46:05I liked Amber last year.
46:07She was good.
46:09She was good in addition to the team.
46:11Sorry we've not been around.
46:13We had a busy day, didn't we, Kenneth?
46:15Yeah, been run ragged.
46:17Never known anything like it.
46:19I was just saying, it's great having Sam working at the Salami.
46:21Yeah, great.
46:23Oh, it's no good.
46:25I've texted everyone.
46:27Fat Phil, Andy from the gym,
46:29Leslie Trish, Coco, both the Bee Gees and Olly Murs.
46:31None of them are looking for a flat share.
46:33I think you need to start looking a bit closer to home.
46:35What are you talking about? They all live in Benidorm.
46:37No, no, much closer to home, like this table.
46:41Sam, are you looking for somewhere to live?
46:43No, not her, for God's sake, Kenneth.
46:45Me.
46:47You? You'd never live with me.
46:49Well, let's try it.
46:51I love my dad, but I can't live with him forever.
46:53He needs his space.
46:55So do I.
46:57Are you serious?
46:59I'm serious. You're messy, but a great cook.
47:01I've got OCD and can burn a salad.
47:03We're the perfect match. Flatmates?
47:05It's true. I can't make a pan of scouts
47:07that would make a grown man cry.
47:09Flatmates!
47:11And the first one to rent is on me.
47:13Well, Uncle Herbert. Bloody hell, I wish I had an uncle like that.
47:15Oh, he doesn't know about it.
47:17We pulled out his gold teeth and sold them at the indoor market.
47:21To Uncle Herbert.
47:25Uncle Herbert.
47:27Uncle Herbert.
47:31Yeah, maybe you need to explain it to them.
47:33You're clever, you know.
47:39Where are we?
47:47I've been looking everywhere for you.
47:49Sorry, mate. My phone's dead
47:51and Tiger's absolutely smashed on short.
47:53You've not been sucking them outstrippers' bellybuttons, have you?
47:55Oh, mate.
47:57But the woman we've met would definitely let you do it.
47:59Amazing.
48:03Yeah, she's too old for Tiger, but she's pissed.
48:05Pissed.
48:07What? Pissed out of her mind?
48:09No. Persistent.
48:11Loretta?
48:13Loretta, this is...
48:15Oh, my God.
48:17Hello, Robert.
48:19Fancy seeing you here.
48:21Oh, no.
48:23Oh, no.
48:25How many young guys have you met in Benidorm already?
48:27Oh, no.
48:29This was your first night?
48:31Yeah.
48:33Oh.
48:35Is this who I think it is?
48:39Is it Rob's nan?
48:41Is it that nan of Chase?
48:51Loretta's my nana.
48:53Oh!
48:55Wait a minute.
48:57You don't mean your nan, do you?
48:59She's my grandmother.
49:01Oh!
49:03OK.
49:23That was a bit unexpected.
49:29OK.
49:31So...
49:33Oh!
49:35So Rob's nan
49:37is
49:39at this stage
49:41not like Madge.
49:43She's not a replacement for Madge.
49:45I can't imagine Madge going out
49:47to a nightclub and snogging
49:49a younger fella.
49:51She might turn to piss off.
49:53But that would be about it.
49:55Oh, wow.
49:57Oh, wow.
50:01OK.
50:03So, new character-wise,
50:07we had the dentist
50:11who I just think
50:13was a guest actor for that one.
50:15I can't imagine him
50:17being in for the rest of the series.
50:19That wouldn't make sense.
50:21Rob's nan,
50:23she's the only
50:25other new, new character.
50:27Of course, you've got Sam who's recurring.
50:29But, yeah.
50:31Loretta,
50:33Nana Chase,
50:35she's the first new one.
50:39And granted, we
50:41literally got to see about 30 seconds
50:43worth of her, so we can't really say too much
50:45about her at this stage.
50:47Sam coming back?
50:49I like
50:51what they've done there.
50:53So they haven't just
50:55brought her back.
50:57They have brought her back
50:59but done it
51:01in a role that we've
51:03not seen in the show before
51:05as a holiday rep.
51:07Which, ironically, is a weird thing
51:09that I can't believe we've
51:11never done on the show before.
51:13We're now in the ninth year
51:15and we've never had a holiday rep.
51:17It's very bizarre, that.
51:21So that could add some
51:23interesting
51:25storylines to that.
51:29For
51:35the Dawsons,
51:37they've not really changed that much.
51:39Eddie is Eddie.
51:41Sharon's Sharon.
51:43Billy's Billy. Rob's Rob.
51:45Jodie's Jodie.
51:47But,
51:49it will be interesting
51:51what the
51:53dynamic of that group is like
51:55once the Nana gets involved.
51:57And, seemingly from what
51:59they were saying, she's only going to be in here
52:01for maybe two episodes or so.
52:03But still, will add
52:05an interesting spark to it.
52:09Rest of Solana-wise, obviously we have
52:11Liam back, and I will say
52:13until Liam
52:15came back here, I didn't realise
52:17how much we really did.
52:19I mean, we knew.
52:21I think most people knew that Liam
52:23missing last season was
52:25a big shame. Although he
52:27was sort of nicely filled in
52:29with Amber, who I thought was a great
52:31addition to the cast last year.
52:33But she isn't in it this
52:35year, which is a shame. I liked her.
52:37I would have been interested to keep her
52:39as part of the group.
52:41But otherwise, we've got a lot of the same
52:43characters. Joey and Tiger's back.
52:45Joey, still as dumb as ever.
52:47Tiger,
52:49still a bit of a flirt.
52:51You know?
52:53So, we will have to see
52:55how the rest of the season goes.
52:57And if we get any other characters
52:59getting brought into the show as well.
53:01Let me know your thoughts
53:03of this one. Remember,
53:05don't forget to subscribe if you're new.
53:07Drop your comments down below.
53:09Check out the Patreon.
53:11Or you don't have to. At the end of the day,
53:13I love you regardless.
53:15But for now, my name's Kevin.
53:17I am a geek. And you've been
53:19watching Kevin the Geek.
53:21Goodbye.