Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Hello everybody, welcome back to the channel. My name's Kevin, I'm a geek, you're watching
00:17Kevin the Geek and we are here for series 7, episode 7, the series 7 finale of Benidorm.
00:27So I'm trying to think what potential storylines we have to maybe tie up in today's episode.
00:34So obviously last time out, Clive has apparently bought a property home that he was going to
00:42develop, which has no planning permission, so he's been scammed. So we'll see what happens
00:46with that one. His son Tiger's been flirting with a girl for a couple of episodes, see
00:52if anything happens there. Anything else? Oh, of course, Donald has been away with this
01:00Rhiannon, so obviously Jacqueline has been with this Glynn. Will anything kind of happen
01:07there to kind of tie anything up there? Or maybe will just Donald be back next time round?
01:13Who knows? Fingers crossed he comes back. I've really missed Donald. But hey, let's
01:19get on with this series 7 finale.
01:29I don't want sunshine, I'm roasted today.
01:44Oh.
01:50No.
02:04No.
02:13No.
02:14Oh my God.
02:20No.
02:26Nope, I'm staying out of it.
02:47Oh.
02:48Who's the crazy woman?
03:01Oh, not that again.
03:08Thank you, Tiger.
03:14No.
03:18Mm-hmm.
03:36Oh, it's Ronaldinho.
03:37No.
03:51No.
03:53Yeah, not Ronaldinho.
03:59Okay, now.
04:07Nope.
04:16Oh, he's coming up with a plan.
04:33Yes!
04:37Yes, yes, yes!
04:51Good question.
04:58Tostangajin?
05:07I do not know this person.
05:20People need to learn to speak properly to Matteo today. I mean, he's in a grumpy mood.
05:27So yeah, please just keep it simple with Matteo today.
05:37Mm.
05:45Me too.
05:47Ooh.
05:49Who did?
06:04Excuse me?
06:07Are you serious?
06:11What?
06:14No.
06:18No!
06:21I'm not having a sluice of garbage and Matteo in a series.
06:26No way.
06:30Nope.
06:31She's that psychic Sue.
06:37No, you're-
06:59You're all right. I'm just here to pay for my manicure.
07:02No, I-
07:10Hmph.
07:21Oh, God.
07:24Oh, love that. This show would look great on your bedroom floor.
07:32Let's get them trotters into a bucket of domestic, shall we?
07:35Messages from beyond the grave this week will last me a lifetime.
07:38Sue, you know I don't believe in all that.
07:40No, it's not a message from the other side.
07:43It's from Madrid.
07:45Oh, that's my manicure.
07:47Madrid?
07:48A lass called Veronica.
07:51You did her hair last weekend.
07:53Veronica? Veronica?
07:55You did her a graduated bob and colored her hair.
07:58Oh, yeah, that's right. Veronica works as a solicitor in Madrid.
08:00Yeah, well, she called me and she asked me to give you her number.
08:03She needs to speak to you as a matter of great urgency.
08:08Why did she call you?
08:09Well, you're never open.
08:11And she had my number.
08:13I don't make a habit of doing readings at hen parties.
08:16It's very undignified to get in touch with the psychic world
08:19while listening to Bonnie Tyler and being hit over the head with an inflatable penis.
08:24That's her number.
08:27Liam, please.
08:29Be careful.
08:33I also got a message
08:35from Tripitaka,
08:37one of my spirit guides.
08:39Here we go.
08:40No, no, no, listen to me.
08:42I have to tell you this.
08:44You are going away
08:46for at least 12 months.
08:48Possibly several years.
08:50It's time for you to face up to your destiny, Liam.
08:54And you won't be seeing your family and friends for some time.
08:56Right, that's it, out of my way.
08:58No, no, no, no.
09:04No.
09:07I'm not having Liam and Matteo and the Garvies all leave in a series.
09:12No.
09:18Everything all right, love?
09:20Yeah, everything's fine.
09:22No!
09:32I'm sorry, I didn't realise things were that bad.
09:34We were married to each other too young.
09:36Do not disturb me.
09:38I love my four children.
09:40Pedro, Gabriel, Matteo Junior and...
09:45Do you?
09:48Do you?
09:54Alonso, but it's very difficult for me.
09:57My wife and I, we live in the house of her mother, Dolores.
10:01But she's always trying to...
10:03Interfere?
10:05Always trying to...
10:07Hold you back?
10:08Trying to...
10:09Get in the way?
10:10Kill me.
10:12Always she's trying to kill me.
10:14What do you mean by that?
10:16My breathing and my life.
10:18I do not know other ways to say this.
10:20No, no.
10:22I'll get the picture.
10:23The marriage, it does not work.
10:25Our children, Pedro, Gabriel, Matteo Junior and...
10:29Alonso.
10:30Alfonso.
10:31Alfonso.
10:33Alfonso or Alonso?
10:35I don't know, pal.
10:37Anyway, the children, they are with her sister.
10:40I cannot see them.
10:41My situation is, how do you say?
10:45Convincible.
10:49Do you mind, love?
10:51Oh, sorry.
10:54There we go.
10:56Well, if you honestly think that your life is in danger, you've got to get out, man.
11:00I have to get out?
11:01Absolutely.
11:02And don't let it drag.
11:04I knew my marriage wasn't working at 28.
11:07We separated when I was 50.
11:09All those wasted years.
11:11We need a new beginning.
11:12None of us are getting any younger.
11:14Okay.
11:15You are right.
11:16I go now.
11:17Can you cover me for one hour?
11:19No bother.
11:20Mrs. Templeton said you have to make yourself scarce, so everybody's happy.
11:24Eh?
11:25Happy.
11:28Happy.
11:29Yes.
11:30I remember this.
11:33Okay.
11:34No more wasted years.
11:36I will have my new beginning.
11:38Today, I tell that crazy bitch, Dolores,
11:41No more.
11:42My old life ends today.
11:44Yeah!
11:45Don't worry.
11:46Be happy.
11:47Hopefully not.
11:48Don't worry.
11:49Be happy now.
11:51Oh, wow.
11:53Is that why Mateo's always been screwing around?
11:57He's got an unhappy marriage at home.
12:00I mean, he doesn't excuse it.
12:03But at least it makes it slightly more understandable.
12:06Oh, you look smart.
12:08Are you going somewhere?
12:11I just thought I'd make a bit of an effort, you know?
12:13For Rihanna.
12:14Oh, yeah.
12:15I've had an extra squirt of Charlie.
12:18I'm sorry.
12:19It's a perfume.
12:21Donald's favorite.
12:22Oh, right.
12:23I see.
12:24No, no, no.
12:25You know, I think I've rather grown to appreciate Benidorm.
12:28It has a certain naive charm, which I find quite beguiling.
12:33Six down, large bird of prey,
12:36reputed to gather with others in anticipation
12:39of the death of a sick or injured animal.
12:42Vulture.
12:44Oh, yeah.
12:46Oh, no wonder Shitehawk didn't fit.
12:57I will answer to...
13:00I guess this is Rihanna.
13:03When you hear my love call
13:06ringing clear
13:09and I hear your answering echo
13:14so dear
13:17then I will know
13:21my love will come true.
13:24She looks familiar.
13:27You belong to me
13:30I belong to you.
13:43Thank you.
13:44Thank you.
13:45Jacqueline, this is my wife, Rihanna.
13:48Where's Donald?
13:49I have a sneaking suspicion.
13:51Lovely to meet you at last.
13:53Hello.
13:54I've heard a lot about you.
13:57Where are you going?
13:59I'm not going anywhere.
14:01Where do you want me to go?
14:02No, I mean...
14:03I recognise the voice as well.
14:04Why are you dressed like that around a swimming pool?
14:07Well, I... I don't know.
14:11Don't tell me you've been dressing like this all week.
14:14You look like you should be taking a history class
14:17rather than sunning yourself on the Costa Blanca.
14:20Honestly, you should be making the most of it.
14:23We had rotten weather in France.
14:27In fact, this morning was the first sunny day we had since...
14:30Where's Donald?
14:31Where's Donald?
14:32Thank you.
14:33Donald?
14:34My husband.
14:35Of course, Donald.
14:38He's, um...
14:40He hasn't called you?
14:42No, he hasn't.
14:44Right.
14:46Maybe we'll have a spot of lunch
14:49and I can explain to you what's happened.
14:51Uh-oh.
14:52What do you mean, what's happened?
14:54I don't like the sound of that.
14:57I don't know.
14:59Right, it's bugging me.
15:00If I haven't worked it out by the end of the episode,
15:02you need to let me know in the comments who she is
15:04because I swear I know her.
15:06Voice and face.
15:08Hello?
15:24This is the first time we've seen Mateo's place, isn't it?
15:27Yeah.
15:38Maria?
15:44Dolores?
16:05Oh, God.
16:08Dolores, why are you hiding?
16:10Hiding from me?
16:12And why would I hide from a snake like you?
16:15A snake without venom.
16:17Well, what does a snake say?
16:19A worm is what you are.
16:20Where is Maria?
16:22Where do you think Maria is?
16:24Well, Maria is working to feed a pig like you.
16:28Let's see if you decide.
16:30What am I, a pig, a snake or a worm?
16:35You are a flea.
16:36A flea in the ass of a worm,
16:38in the stomach of a snake
16:40and in the mouth of a pig.
16:42Wow!
16:43Where do you think you are going?
16:45Shit!
16:46No, you are not going anywhere.
16:48You have responsibilities.
16:50You have a wife and children.
16:52Children?
16:53Yes.
16:54What children?
16:55Diego, Gabriel, Mateo Junior and...
16:59Alonso, Alfonso, whatever.
17:02Alonso?
17:03Alonso.
17:04I know my children.
17:06I haven't seen them in weeks.
17:08You have nothing as a father.
17:12I'm going to shit on your dead bodies.
17:15Damn!
17:18I'm sorry, which team did you say Mr...
17:20Oh, please call him Gunter.
17:22Oh!
17:23Which team do you say Gunter plays for?
17:25Ah, Basel.
17:26It's in the Swiss Super League.
17:28His father used to play with young boys.
17:30I'm more of a...
17:32I'm sorry?
17:33Young boys.
17:34They're a football team in Switzerland.
17:36Oh, I see.
17:38They only did that to get in that Young Boys joke.
17:40Oh, wow.
17:41Oh, wow.
17:42Wow, wow, wow, wow.
17:43OK.
17:44I'll see what they're doing.
17:45I'll see what they're doing.
17:46I like this.
17:47Let's see how successful they're going to be.
17:49His father used to play with young boys.
17:51I'm more of a...
17:53I'm sorry?
17:54Young boys.
17:55They're a football team in Switzerland.
17:57Oh, I see.
17:58I'm not familiar with that particular team.
18:00I'm more of a rugby man myself.
18:02London Wasps.
18:03It probably does this time of year.
18:05Yes, yes.
18:07Well, oddly enough, there is something of a Swiss community in this area.
18:11So, Gunter should fit in very well.
18:13OK.
18:14OK.
18:15OK.
18:16OK.
18:17OK.
18:18OK.
18:19OK.
18:20OK.
18:21OK.
18:22OK.
18:23OK.
18:24OK.
18:25OK.
18:26OK.
18:27OK.
18:28OK.
18:29OK.
18:30OK.
18:31Well done.
18:40Is it going to work, though?
18:45Ah!
18:48Yes!
18:49Vamos!
18:51Rápido, rápido!
18:55Da-da-da-da-da-da!
19:01I've made...
19:03..an error of judgement.
19:05What do you mean by that?
19:07Well, as you know, Glyn and I are naturists.
19:10I'm pretty broad-minded.
19:12But I suppose after 40 years, things got a bit stale.
19:16Well, there's no wonder if you've had your bits hanging out in the whole weathers.
19:20So we decided to have a go at swinging.
19:25But...
19:27But I couldn't go through with it.
19:29I'm sorry, Glyn.
19:30I know it was a joint decision.
19:32Whatever's happened between you and Jacqueline, I don't mind.
19:35Oh, you don't understand.
19:37I felt the same way.
19:39I didn't want to touch her with a barge pole.
19:41None taken.
19:43Why didn't you say something?
19:45Because you didn't say anything and...
19:49Well, it doesn't matter now, does it?
19:51Where's Donald?
19:52I love you, boo.
19:55And I love you too, baby.
19:57Where's Donald?
20:00Where is my husband?
20:03Thank you!
20:07I'm sorry, Jacqueline.
20:08I haven't seen him in days.
20:11What?
20:13I think I'll get us all another drink.
20:18You see, the beauty of buying a structure such as this
20:21is that all the hard work's been done for you.
20:26And then you have the advantage of designing your own
20:29bespoke luxury holiday home room by room.
20:44Did he just say Arsenal in the middle of that?
20:47Um, yes.
20:48Gunt, who was just saying,
20:50a friend of his who plays for Arsenal recommended this area.
20:53I'm sure he did, yeah.
20:55The seclusion and privacy of this urbanisation
20:58is ideal for someone with a high profile.
21:00Obviously, we'll have to get you to sign a secrecy agreement
21:03if news got out that Gunter was buying in this area
21:06for him and his family.
21:08Oh, absolutely.
21:09Discretion is my middle name.
21:11Discretion, middle name.
21:13Well, it's not. It's actually Hillary.
21:16But you know what I mean.
21:19As a matter of fact,
21:20I just sold the end house of this road
21:22to a very important British businessman.
21:25He's basically a cross between Alan Sugar and Donald Trump.
21:28Alan Sugar? Donald Trump?
21:30No.
21:31I only met him the other day and already he trusts me with his life.
21:34You see, when I sell a property, the buyer is not a client.
21:38He's family.
21:39Bullshit.
21:40One of the houses is sold.
21:42Not the best views of the Sierra from that house.
21:45I think you'll find that this particular property
21:48is the jewel in the crown of this development.
21:51I think you've misunderstood.
21:52Gunter would like to buy for his entire family.
21:55He'd like the entire row.
21:57All four houses.
21:59Oh, I see.
22:00I thought he'd just...
22:01All four houses? Jesus Christ.
22:05I mean...
22:07I don't envisage that being any kind of a problem.
22:10But you said one of the houses was sold.
22:12We'll soon kick that ugly little bastard in the tush
22:15as we say, don't mention the war.
22:18That one didn't stay part of your family for very long, did he?
22:21No, what I meant was, he already had his eye on another property.
22:26Up there in the Altair Hills.
22:28I can easily nudge him in that direction, not a problem.
22:31Oh, excuse me.
22:34Guten Tag.
22:35Ja?
22:36Ja?
22:39Ja, ja, eine kleine Nachtmusik.
22:42We have to go.
22:43Gunter is buying art in Valencia this afternoon.
22:45Oh, yes, of course.
22:47Can you have the papers drawn up by tomorrow?
22:49I'll call in the morning.
22:50Not a problem.
22:52And get rid of the other buyer.
22:54Obviously.
22:55Or else there's no deal.
22:58I'll rip up his contract as soon as I get back to the porter cabin.
23:04Guten Tag.
23:08Grazie.
23:09Grazie tante.
23:17Well played.
23:20Terri's got some skills.
23:23Wow.
23:24She is already so much more valuable to Clive than Tunja ever was.
23:32Tu no vas a ir a ninguna parte.
23:34Te quedas aquà a cuidar de tu familia.
23:36Familia?
23:37Si.
23:39Mi familia no está aquÃ.
23:42Tu, tu siempre me has odiado.
23:44DeberÃas estar contenta.
23:46Ya a partir de hoy no me verás nunca más.
23:59A partir de hoy nadie te volverá a ver jamás.
24:09Um...
24:13Whoa.
24:20Pam has rang from the Benidorm Bulletin again.
24:24Oh, did she?
24:25Probably still owe her for last week's advert.
24:27I'll give her a call later.
24:28Yeah, you do that.
24:31Who are they?
24:32They, my little chapito, are the answer to all our problems.
24:36Really?
24:37Oh, yeah.
24:39I've just sold him the last four remaining fillets.
24:42What?
24:43Oh, yes.
24:44Chips and rice for us tonight, Melanie.
24:46Chips and rice.
24:53He's gonna get angry.
24:56I know you said he's gone to bring up some mixers.
24:58That was two hours ago.
25:00Where is he?
25:01I don't know.
25:03I'm sorry, Mrs. Temperson.
25:04I just, I don't know.
25:07Hello, is that Veronica?
25:09Yep.
25:10My name's Liam.
25:11I've been asked...
25:13Oh, right.
25:14By the way, I don't think I've ever mentioned it,
25:16but I love that blow and go thing with the scissors,
25:19you know, for the O's.
25:20I think that's very clever.
25:22Really?
25:25Are you serious?
25:28Oh, my God.
25:30That's amazing.
25:32No, no.
25:34No.
25:35No, no.
25:36Watch where you're going, Liam.
25:37It's more than amazing.
25:39It's a miracle.
25:43Right, that's it.
25:44Forget it.
25:45You've all covered for him for the last time.
25:47I'll keep trying.
25:48You're more than welcome to keep trying,
25:50as long as it doesn't interfere with your work.
25:52Because when he finally answers, you can tell him he's sacked.
25:57Yeah, I don't think he will be.
25:59I need to talk to you.
26:01He's gonna die first.
26:06Bye-bye.
26:14Oh.
26:18If she wanted to kill him, why didn't she just shoot him,
26:20rather than tie him up?
26:28I'm scared as to what her plans are with him.
26:31She's gonna have an evil way with him.
26:33So, she went back to Madrid,
26:35and her friend who's got a salon there asked her where she got her hair done.
26:38And then when she told her that I mixed it myself in front of her,
26:40she said, I need that man working for me.
26:42Has he been trying to get in touch with you?
26:44No.
26:45She needs me to start next week.
26:47No.
26:48Starting salary of 25,000 plus tips.
26:50Bloody hell, son, what you waiting for?
26:52Good tips as well.
26:53They do footballers and celebrities and all sorts.
26:55Oh, son, I'm so proud of you.
26:57It would mean relocating to Madrid.
26:59Well, yeah, it's a long way to come back for your dinner.
27:02I've always loved Madrid.
27:04It's only a few hours away on the coach.
27:06And every couple of days I have off, I'll be back here in Benidorm with you.
27:09Bloody what? I'll be with you, shopping in Madrid.
27:13Thank you, Dad.
27:14For what?
27:15For believing in me.
27:17Talent is like the cream in a bottle of milk.
27:20It'll always rise to the top.
27:22Nice.
27:24No problem, Monty.
27:26An online transfer direct into my account will be fine.
27:31Including, say, 100 euros to cover the bank charges.
27:37Yeah, of course, I'll tear up my contract from this end as well.
27:42Muchas gracias, as they say.
27:50Well done.
27:51100 euros are paid for the hire of the Land Rover, and the jobs are good.
27:56Things are looking up, as they say.
27:58Much better family dynamic.
28:00Say that again.
28:01Hang on, no. Say that again, because I missed that.
28:08Things are looking up, as they say.
28:10Say that again.
28:15Still got his eye on her.
28:16Well, that's our Liam sorted with a job.
28:18What about you, honey?
28:19Dad, please don't mention Madrid to anyone until I've spoken to Kenny.
28:22You know me.
28:23Until I've spoken to Kenny.
28:24You know me, son.
28:25I will not breathe a word.
28:29Yes, son.
28:38Give us a shout when you're ready, son.
28:42You think they're both joining our Liam in Madrid, aren't you?
28:45I don't think so.
28:47Madrid's a bit too sophisticated for me.
28:49I'm Benidorm through and through.
28:52You've got a crackling voice.
28:53You should be singing all the time.
28:55Not introducing pissed holidaymakers singing Sweet Caroline.
28:59Have you got nuts?
29:03That's supposed to be funny.
29:05No.
29:06Oh, you mean salted peanuts.
29:11Yes, son, I've got some right here.
29:16Nibble on Leslie's nuts.
29:19All right?
29:21How you doing?
29:25You've cheered off a bit.
29:27I beg your pardon?
29:28Well, no, I was just saying...
29:31We've spoken before, and, well...
29:36Do you want a drink?
29:40I've got one, thanks.
29:43See? It's better.
29:46How's your nuts?
29:48Shrinking by the minute.
29:51His birdseed is better than mine, but it's still bad.
29:58I was just about to open the salon.
30:00Shut up.
30:01A tonic water, please, Maria,
30:03with the slightest, nearest suggestion of Gordon's in it.
30:07OK.
30:08Gin and tonic.
30:11Hmph.
30:12Is everything all right?
30:14As right as it'll ever be in this place.
30:16Mateo's got AWOL.
30:17Is that up near Tenya?
30:19AWOL. Absent without leave.
30:25Where's he gone?
30:27If I knew that.
30:28Have you tried ringing him?
30:30No.
30:31I thought he'd try smoke signals for the next few hours.
30:34Honestly, some people would do anything to get out of using their mobile phone.
30:38Are you on pay as you go?
30:39Of course I've tried ringing him.
30:41All right, don't back me head off.
30:43Thank you.
30:47Am I a bad boss?
30:49I don't know. It don't work for you.
30:51I know.
30:52But do I come across as difficult or inconsiderate?
30:57Yes.
31:01I like to think of myself as firm, but fair.
31:05I like to think of myself as 12 now, Stone, but what can you do?
31:10Can you call Mateo? He might answer the phone to him.
31:12I don't care where he's been or what he's been doing, but I need him back here.
31:16I've given up trying to sack people. We're running on the skeleton staff as it is.
31:35Hello?
31:41Hello?
31:51Mateo?
31:52Is that another instance where they've tried to hide the copyrighted music
31:56and they've failed miserably by just putting another track over the top of it?
32:00So lazy.
32:02Can you hear me?
32:04Yes, he's there. Let me speak to him.
32:06I don't think he can hear me. Sounds like he's in the club.
32:08Mateo?
32:17Hello?
32:19Hello?
32:27What's the point?
32:35You know what you need in that situation?
32:39You need Jacqueline.
32:41I'm sure she can understand muffled talking.
33:05Honey, honey, honey.
33:07Glyn?
33:09Yeah?
33:10Can I ask you a question?
33:13Of course.
33:14You and Jacqueline?
33:16Oh, I've just figured it out.
33:20Oh my God, how thick am I?
33:24My God, it's been bugging me for the last sort of 20 odd minutes or so.
33:32She's from bloody Heidi Heid.
33:35She's the...
33:37Is it Gladys, I want to say?
33:39She's the Welsh yellow coat.
33:41She's the one with the hair.
33:43It's pretty much that sort of style, but black.
33:50Why the hell did that take me so long to work it out?
33:54Bloody hell.
33:55Did you?
33:56Don't be ridiculous.
33:59I mean, it seems such a coincidence that we both decided we'd made a mistake
34:04after we went ahead with the wife swap.
34:12What about Donald?
34:15What about him?
34:17Did you and he?
34:18She's already said no.
34:23What on earth were we thinking?
34:28A moment of madness.
34:32Indeed.
34:33Speaking of madness, what on earth do you think has happened to Jacqueline's husband?
34:38Well, if I'm honest, he called me yesterday.
34:42What? What didn't you say?
34:44Still no answer.
34:48Everything okay?
34:55She's got a great voice.
34:57She has.
34:58You two should do something together.
35:00He's been trying to make that happen for the last two days.
35:06No.
35:07Clive.
35:09Melanie.
35:12What are you doing here?
35:14Can I have a word?
35:15No chance.
35:17Have they failed?
35:19Did it not work after all?
35:21Go on, Annie.
35:23Uno, mas! Uno, mas!
35:26Uno, mas! Uno, mas!
35:32I can't believe she hasn't got another job.
35:34Honestly, the amount of talent that gets lost in this town, it's ridiculous.
35:37Yeah, on that subject.
35:38Yeah?
35:39I need to talk to you about something.
35:40Oh, hold that thought.
35:42This may well be my Friday night booty call.
35:47Oh!
35:49Who the friggin' hell is this?
35:50Hey, I had no idea, Anniecud.
35:52Hey, I've just had this text from Matteo.
35:57Oh, bloody hell.
35:59That'll be his mother-in-law he's talking about.
36:02He said she was going to kill him.
36:05Was that a joke?
36:06No.
36:07Then what are we doing sitting here?
36:09We don't know where he lives.
36:12I'll get the address from reception.
36:13Yes!
36:14Call the police!
36:15Nah.
36:16You don't need police.
36:17You need them three.
36:23Come on, boys!
36:24And lady.
36:30May have zed out of the window like a dog.
36:52I hope this doesn't turn into another episode of Death in Paradise.
36:55Si?
36:57Matteo.
36:59Matteo?
37:00Eh.
37:02Don es Matteo?
37:05No, Matteo no aqui.
37:07No, here, no.
37:09Boo!
37:10Boo!
37:13Eh!
37:14Eh!
37:15No, no, no, no.
37:16No, no, no, no.
37:17No, no, no, no.
37:18No, no, no, no.
37:19No, no, no, no.
37:20No, no, no, no.
37:21Look, we know you've got Matteo in there.
37:23We've called the police.
37:25PolicÃa?
37:26The police?
37:27Let me handle this, Leslie.
37:30Hola, love.
37:31Buenas noches, buenas noches.
37:33Señora.
37:35Una café americano con queso.
37:36Para mÃ, para mÃ, por favor.
37:38What?
37:39He just asked her for a coffee with cheese.
37:42I thought I heard cheese.
37:43Si, si.
37:44I don't know many Spaniards, but I know cheese.
37:46We're getting somewhere.
37:47You see, it doesn't matter what you say to them.
37:48As long as they think you make an effort with the language.
37:50Oh, shit!
38:04So, yeah.
38:06Theoretically, tomorrow I'm releasing the third series of Death in Paradise.
38:11But we may have technically the first episode of that right here today.
38:15That's...
38:16Provided it all goes well with my recording for Death in Paradise.
38:20Not earlier tonight.
38:21It's all happened so fast.
38:22Yeah, well, thanks for leaving me in the lurch.
38:24What am I supposed to do now?
38:25Old Hattie Jake's in there.
38:26I might as well have pulled the bloody trigger.
38:28Oh, come on, old killer.
38:29That's a bit dramatic.
38:30Oh, here we go.
38:44No.
38:50No, no.
39:07No.
39:15They're related?
39:17Okay, this is a domestic problem.
39:20Salvador, I think we should go back to our marmit taco.
39:22Domestic?
39:23She's just pointed a gun at us.
39:25Yeah.
39:26Do you know if it was loaded?
39:27Oh, of course.
39:28I forgot to ask.
39:30Better still, we should have asked her to pull the trigger, then we'd have found out.
39:33Dickhead.
39:36What did you say?
39:37Oops.
39:41Pardon?
39:45Just then, what did you say?
39:51I said we should have asked her to pull the trigger,
39:53because when she pointed the gun at Liam, he's got a thick head.
40:01Good save.
40:04I mean, they're not buying it, but it was a good save.
40:15He must be taking it seriously.
40:17Be glad to put his sandwich down.
40:30Then I saw Terry getting in the car, and I knew I recognised it from somewhere.
40:34Then Monty said he was giving you your deposit back,
40:37because he'd found a buyer for all the houses.
40:39Then I kind of worked out the rest.
40:41Where is he, then?
40:43Oh, I haven't told him it was you lot who were interested in the houses.
40:46I haven't.
40:47Why not?
40:48Monty and I have been together for five years, but he is a very dishonest man.
40:53Oh, really? I didn't notice.
40:55He's got an arrangement with a woman who works in the local paper.
40:58He puts an ad in every month.
41:00Problem is, that's not the only thing he keeps putting in.
41:03Oh.
41:04But you knew how dodgy those houses were.
41:06All estate agents bend the truth.
41:08And that's how we started out.
41:10But then the financial crisis hit Spain,
41:12and, well, desperate times call for desperate measures.
41:16I don't want to do it anymore.
41:19It's just not me.
41:21So what are you going to do?
41:23I'm going to go back to the UK.
41:25I kept my flat in Watford, thank God,
41:27when I moved out to Spain, and, as luck would have it,
41:30the tenants are moving out at the end of the month.
41:32I'll need a fresh start.
41:34Most things happen for a reason.
41:36Everyone's past catches up with them eventually.
41:39Yeah, and sometimes in a good way.
41:42Hey-up!
41:45Huh?
41:55What? What on the what?
41:58There was a very brief call.
42:00Donald said he has a surprise for you,
42:03but he wouldn't say what it was.
42:05What he did say was he'd be arriving the same day as me,
42:08so I've no idea what happened to him.
42:11I'll just have to keep trying.
42:13Donald, Donald, Donald, Donald!
42:15Would you like another orgasm?
42:16No, thank you. I've still got plenty of this one left.
42:19I think I'll just have an early night.
42:21Try him again in the morning.
42:23I'll see you tomorrow.
42:24Donald, Donald, Donald, Donald!
42:28I don't suppose you fancy another...
42:31Well, another drink, do you?
42:33It's been a very long day, Glenn.
42:36I'll have a small white wine.
42:38Very dry.
42:41Oh!
42:43Oh, oh, oh, oh!
42:45They're getting the looks!
42:46They're getting the looks!
42:49Tiger and Annie there with the classic...
42:51Tiger and Annie!
42:53But as good as it was, it was merely an hors d'oeuvre.
42:57The Solana is proud to present tonight's main course.
43:02Meatloaf!
43:03No way!
43:05No way!
43:07Oh, this is too good.
43:08Damn it!
43:09I would have loved it if it was actually meatloaf!
43:12For a moment!
43:14Oh!
43:19And I would do anything for love
43:25I'd run right in to her and beg
43:30And I would do anything for love
43:46Donald! Donald!
43:49Hello?
43:50Jacqueline!
43:51Yes!
43:52Donald!
43:53Where are you?
43:55Whose phone are you on?
43:56Oh, darling, I'm so sorry.
43:59I turned my phone off on the plane and it wouldn't turn back on again.
44:02This was all supposed to be a surprise.
44:05Where are you?
44:07I'm with Pepe de la Cruz and the Costa Blanca Swingers Association.
44:11It's their annual jamboree.
44:13Remember, we missed it last year.
44:16I've missed you so much!
44:19Me too!
44:20Where are you?
44:21Look out to the cross.
44:24We're all here!
44:26Waiting for you!
44:28Pepe sent a car for you.
44:30It should be at reception in a few minutes.
44:32Oh, Donald!
44:34I'm coming now!
44:36Maybe not now, but I bet she will be!
44:38I bet she will be!
44:56Go on, tiger!
44:58Yeah!
45:08You won't last five minutes in Madrid.
45:16Mark my words, there's only so many frothy coffees and art galleries a person can put up with.
45:20I'll give you one week, and one week and you'll be screaming out for egg and chips in karaoke.
45:24Tiro las armas!
45:26Tiro las armas ahora!
45:28Oh, come on, Mateo!
45:30Get out of there!
45:38I'm sorry, Lorenzo.
45:40Let me go.
45:41I'll tell the police it was a mistake.
45:43If you let me go, I'll steal the bike and go back to the country.
45:47And I'll leave your life forever.
45:50No, you're not going anywhere.
45:53Please.
45:57Oh, my God!
46:01No way!
46:04Whoa!
46:08Whoa!
46:14Oh, thank God for that!
46:16Bloody hell!
46:18Go on, Mateo!
46:38I won't lose it!
46:47Bloody hell!
46:52Right. Now, are you sure you've got everything?
46:55No.
46:57Ring me when you get there. Let me know if there's anything you need.
47:00Stop worrying. I'll be back in a week to pick up the rest of my stuff.
47:03You know I'm only a phone call away.
47:05Sayonara.
47:07Good luck, son.
47:10I love you.
47:12I love you too, Dad.
47:23Wait!
47:25Wait!
47:32You didn't think I'd let you go without a proper send-off, did you?
47:37Look, you're not a bad singer, are you, Kenneth?
47:43Oh, thank God for that!
47:45I'm sorry, I love you, Kenneth, but I don't think I can have you singing right now.
47:52Kenny, out of all the people I've ever met since I've been in Benidorm,
47:56I can honestly say, hand on heart,
47:59you were the campest.
48:06Liam!
48:08Liam, I got your message.
48:10Oh, Mateo, you came!
48:12Bloody hell, have you been well, Rogers?
48:15I've been lying on the low for a couple of days.
48:17I had to leave this town. Dolores, she was arrested and her sons are looking for me.
48:21Well, what are you going to do?
48:23I think maybe I'll try Madrid with you, Liam.
48:25God damn it!
48:27It's OK if I ride with you?
48:28Oh, after all these years, I never said that to me.
48:32It's OK?
48:33Of course. I'm glad you're the company.
48:35Pierre de Puertas!
48:38OK, my friend, so...
48:40this is goodbye?
48:41No, never goodbye.
48:43Just adios.
48:47I'll see you tomorrow morning.
48:48All right, mate.
48:53I love you so much.
48:54I love you too.
48:55I love you.
49:05So unforgettable
49:09Things that I am
49:12Unforgettable too
49:17Yes, you
49:35Yes, you
49:48I was not ready for a tearful goodbye.
50:01Bloody hell.
50:06OK.
50:09So...
50:12Talking about things that had to be rounded up.
50:15I will get to that ending in just a minute.
50:19I'll let myself recover first and foremost.
50:24So...
50:26The Clive and the...
50:31Yeah, the condo apartment situation thing.
50:36That got resolved.
50:37And in a very clever and funny way.
50:41That was very smart.
50:44Very, very good.
50:45I absolutely loved that resolution for that.
50:50Definitely a much better family dynamic of Clive, Terry and Tiger
50:55more so than it was Clive, Tiger, Bianca and Tonya!
50:58Last series.
51:01I hope that family comes back.
51:07Obviously, we've lost the Garveys at least theoretically forever.
51:12Or if not, just maybe temporarily.
51:15So we need that sort of family dynamic back on the show.
51:22We're so far away now from anything.
51:28I've literally just twigged that Noreen and Geoff weren't in that episode.
51:35So they obviously did go home.
51:40Really, by the end of the series, we had two guest storylines.
51:52And the rest is all staff.
51:55I think the show needs to bring back more holidaymakers.
51:59And make them part of the story.
52:01And give them stories to deal with.
52:05They've just got to, in my personal opinion.
52:07They really, really need to.
52:09To give the show, I think, just a more balanced feel again.
52:20Because we've started out very heavily on families in the early series.
52:25Families and couples and things.
52:27Now, we're all about the staff.
52:31And that was an emotional ending.
52:35Mateo's been in every episode since the series began.
52:38I think he's literally the only one to this point who's been in absolutely every episode.
52:43Maybe Jacqueline as well.
52:46Mateo and Jacqueline are the only ones, I'm 99% certain.
52:51They're the only two that's been in every single episode.
52:53They've never missed one so far.
52:58I mean, it looks like Donald's going to be back next week.
53:01When I start Series 8.
53:03Fingers crossed.
53:05I will say, his voice sounded marginally off.
53:13And I'm surprised that they had him talking but not appearing on screen.
53:18So, here's what I'm thinking.
53:21Maybe he was ill or something.
53:24So, that's why he wasn't in this series.
53:29And they just got him.
53:32Okay, maybe you're not quite well enough to come back.
53:34Do a voice recording.
53:36We can literally do that.
53:37And we can edit it and make it sound like a normal voice recording.
53:40And we can edit it and make it sound like it's a phone conversation.
53:44And that way we can get you in and get you brought back into the show.
53:48Even though you may not be well enough necessarily to fly to Spain to film the show.
53:55That's what I'm hoping anyway.
53:57If that is potentially the case.
54:00Because Donald is so sorely missed.
54:04Him and Jacqueline as a pairing, they're just...
54:08Jacqueline and Glyn, it was nice in a way.
54:12Because it gave Jacqueline a bit of a different dynamic.
54:15And something different to work with.
54:17Other than, oh yes! All the time.
54:20Can I have another scream in orgasm?
54:22And all that kind of stuff.
54:24It gave her a little bit more to do.
54:27Glyn as a character, he was fine.
54:31There was nothing special about him.
54:33I don't believe he's going to come back.
54:35Maybe actually.
54:36Who knows? Maybe we've got Jacqueline and Donald.
54:38And then you've got Glyn and...
54:40Was it Rhiannon I think his wife was?
54:42At the moment I'm just thinking Gladys.
54:44Because I'm so glad I managed to work out that she was from Heidi and I.
54:48By the end.
54:49Because that was doing my nutting.
54:51That really, really was.
54:52Tiger finally got the girl.
54:55Will they come back? Who knows.
54:57To be honest, at the moment I don't know if any character is going to come back.
55:03I've not left any kind of character in the position of going,
55:05I can definitely see you coming back.
55:08Presumably now.
55:11Unless they kind of go away for the year whilst the show is not on air.
55:18And they come back.
55:19Maybe they quit their jobs or they lose their jobs or whatever.
55:22It seems that we may not have Liam and Matteo in the next series.
55:29Liam as a character.
55:31Actually no, I will say both.
55:33Both Matteo and Liam.
55:36They have grown on me.
55:39I would say Liam grew more so.
55:42Because Matteo, he was just your typical sleazy bar man.
55:47The one you kind of love to hate kind of thing.
55:49I liked him, but I liked to hate him at the start.
55:53And I grew to just love him.
55:57Liam was kind of annoying and frustrating.
56:03Especially the fixation he had with Natalie.
56:09The friend of Sam.
56:12But Liam has really grown, really blossomed.
56:16And especially his relationship with Kenneth.
56:19Wow, they have a beautiful friendship there.
56:23But not as good of a relationship as Liam has with his dad.
56:30With Les.
56:36I remember back to that episode where his mum came in and everything.
56:40I can't actually remember if that was this series or last series.
56:45You know, at that episode I didn't think I would ever see him leave his dad.
56:51And kind of go their separate ways.
56:54But they are not, are they?
56:56Because they have already said they are going to see each other and everything.
56:58They are just in different cities, but they will come and see each other.
57:01So maybe they will come in for a guest appearance.
57:05If they are not in the whole series.
57:07Maybe they might just manage to convince them to come in for a one off episode.
57:11Maybe Liam comes back to Benidorm on a day off and he wants to do a day trip.
57:16Maybe something like that, I don't know.
57:18But, yeah.
57:22That is series 7.
57:25So next week we are on to series 8.
57:28Which means that we only have 3 more series to go.
57:32Now obviously next week, actually no.
57:36This week now, because I am recording the week before.
57:39So that is why I am getting a bit confused.
57:41But this Friday is the last time we will have an episode of the British Empire.
57:47And if you have not done so already.
57:51Please check out the video description.
57:53There is a link to a document that I have created.
57:57Which is a poll where you can choose which show you would like to replace him.
58:00And it is especially important because obviously when Benidorm comes to an end.
58:03I will be doing similar things.
58:05So if you choose one of the many options that is on there.
58:08Or if you want to put in your own suggestion.
58:10That will help me for when Benidorm eventually comes to an end.
58:13And we choose what show we want to replace this.
58:15But, that is going to do it for today.
58:20And I thank you so much for continuing on this journey with me.
58:25But, for today.
58:27My name is Kevin.
58:29I am a Geek.
58:31And you have been watching Kevin the Geek.
58:33Goodbye.