When Heavyweight Boxing Champion "One Punch" Mulligan, his Manager, and personal Journalist arrive in the jungle on Safari. He is accidentally knocked out by Tarzan and begins causing trouble in order to provoke Tarzan into a rematch.
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00:00The Jungle, a rugged wilderness that is the perfect challenge for the most rugged kind
00:09of man.
00:10A man such as the heavyweight champion of the world, One Punch Mulligan.
00:14Oh God, Joey!
00:16I'm going to start punching people if this boat don't stop rocking, you understand?
00:22Almost there, champ.
00:23As he has mastered so many foes in the ring, One Punch now confronts the jungle, facing
00:28down any beast foolish enough to cross his path.
00:31Oh, Joey, does anybody really read this slop?
00:33Are you kidding?
00:35This is the best publicity stunt we've pulled yet.
00:38One Punch's fans are going to be dying to hear all about his thrilling African safari.
00:42Just be sure to include what a great guy the champ is, okay?
00:46Yeah, but he's not.
00:47They don't want to know that.
00:49Look, the champ's a hero to millions back home, Maxie.
00:53Just give them what they want to hear.
00:54Oh!
00:55Oh!
00:56I think I'm going to be sick.
00:57Joey, give me a hat.
00:58And with one swing of his mighty fist, One Punch Mulligan, heavyweight champion of the
01:10world, vanquished another foe.
01:13What a rousing story.
01:15And to think that this great man is coming here.
01:18Any sign of him, Monsieur Dumont?
01:21None yet.
01:22You know, I did quite a bit of boxing myself back at university.
01:26Look out there.
01:28Oh!
01:29Daddy!
01:30It was more like sparring, actually, by myself most of the time.
01:41I don't understand.
01:42Why were these men fighting?
01:44Was one defending his home or family?
01:46Hardly.
01:47They fight for sport and money.
01:50And they call us animals.
01:52Ha!
01:53I see the boat!
01:54Our little hunting safari pulled up to what we thought was just another trading post.
01:59Brother, were we wrong.
02:01He's here!
02:02Oh!
02:03Oh!
02:04Oh!
02:05Soon we would meet Tarzan, and everything would change.
02:17Our visit started out in typical fashion.
02:19First off the boat was Joey Marks, One Punch's manager.
02:22Careful with the merchandise, will ya?
02:24Here, go buy yourself a personality.
02:27Next came me, Max Liebling, your humble reporter.
02:30Out of the way, runt!
02:31And last, as usual, the heavyweight champion of the world, One Punch Mulligan.
02:35What a dump.
02:36Hey!
02:37Who do I got a punch to get a cool drink around here?
02:41Welcome, gentlemen.
02:42I am Renard Dumont, proprietor of this establishment.
02:45Listen, pally, One Punch is the champ.
02:48You know what I'm saying?
02:49They deserve the best of everything.
02:51Oh!
02:52Your generosity is quite unnecessary, but, most appreciated, I am at your service.
02:57Oh!
02:58Oh!
02:59Oh!
03:00Oh!
03:01Mr. Mulligan!
03:02Oh, welcome to our little corner of the world.
03:03And may I say, sir, what an utter delight it is to have you here.
03:06Yeah, sure, whatever.
03:07Hey, I thought I wasn't going to get bothered here.
03:10We've been reading about your exploits with rather keen interest.
03:14What's this geezer talking about?
03:16Oh, he likes my stories.
03:18Allow me to present my daughter, Jane Porter.
03:21Hello.
03:22Hello, doll.
03:24And that is her husband, Tarzan.
03:27Hello.
03:28Tarzan was clearly unlike any person I had encountered before.
03:32Of course, not everyone was equally impressed.
03:35Get a load of Monkey Boy.
03:37Please, come in and rest, won't you?
03:41Ah, all this sends me back to my days as a pugilist.
03:49I am hoping Mr. Mulligan will autograph these boxing gloves as a memento of his visit,
03:54that I can treasure forever.
03:56Or sell to the highest bidder.
03:59I was quite the boxer myself back in college.
04:02Bantamweight, you know.
04:03I use bantamweights to pick my teeth, Pops.
04:06I can't forget one memorable sparring session against Spotty's Wood Robinson.
04:10Spotty, we called him. Quite the brawler.
04:13I was a virtual blur as I moved in with a combination.
04:17Left, right, left, then another left.
04:19And yet another left.
04:20Or was it a right? This has been some years now.
04:23Anyway, then still another left.
04:26Then...
04:35Mr. Mulligan, one punch. Are you all right? Can you hear me?
04:39I didn't mean to hit him.
04:40Of course not. Still, he got what was coming, I'd say.
04:44Oh, man, that jungle guy can flat out punch.
04:47I say, your boxer versus that jungle guy is a matchup boxing fans would pay to see, eh?
04:54Hmm, yeah. They'd pay a lot, Frenchy.
04:58Sure, it was an accident, but I knew right off.
05:00One punch was not the type to take getting decked lying down.
05:04How many fingers am I holding up?
05:08Yeah, which one of you wants to know?
05:11Up and at him, champ.
05:14What hit me?
05:16Better make that who hit you, champ.
05:18It was an accident. I'm very sorry.
05:22Yeah, that was a lucky punch.
05:24Of course, just a little mishap. You don't look too much the worse for wear.
05:28I want a rematch. Come on, Polly, I'm ready. This time you won't be so lucky.
05:33Whoa, whoa, champ. No need to rush into anything.
05:36I mean, if you two are going to butt heads again, and I hope you will, may I suggest a more rewarding arena?
05:43By all means. One that sells rather pricey tickets.
05:47But I don't want to fight.
05:48What?
05:49Please accept Tarzan's apology, Mr. Mulligan. This was all just a silly accident.
05:53But it'll make a swell picture.
05:55Hey, who's paying you?
05:57Enough talk. Let's go. Right here, right now.
06:00I told you, I don't want to fight.
06:03You must forgive Tarzan, sir.
06:05He was raised in the jungle and doesn't understand the civilized tradition of two men beating each other senseless.
06:12Oh, this could be huge. I'm thinking New York City, outdoor stadium.
06:17Heavyweight champion versus lord of the jungle.
06:20Oh, the press will eat it up.
06:22Yes. Of course, as Tarzan's representative, we'll be expecting 50% of the gate.
06:28What? Get a life. 5% will buy a lot of loincloths for your boy.
06:3240% or no deal.
06:35So, let me get this straight.
06:38You just happen to be swinging your fist and it just happens to sock his jaw?
06:43Right. It was an accident.
06:45Uh-huh. So what did he do to make you deck him?
06:48Amazing. I don't mean to intrude, but was Tarzan actually communicating with those beasts?
06:53Yes. I forget how extraordinary it is.
06:56Say, Tarzan, you mind if I ask you some questions about your background?
06:59Well, I was...
07:00Help!
07:03What is it? What's happening?
07:04Trouble.
07:12Somebody! Anybody! Help!
07:21Hang on, buddy!
07:23Flint, what happened?
07:24We were playing a game of tag and I didn't want Mungo to tag me.
07:27But he really wanted to tag me, so he ran right at me.
07:29And I really didn't want him to tag me, so I faked him out.
07:32You want to get to the point?
07:33He fell over!
07:37Hi. A little help?
07:43Any time now.
07:50Where'd he go?
07:51Help!
08:00Well, well, well. Astounding.
08:03Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
08:06You're it.
08:07I'm not!
08:08So?
08:09Not anymore.
08:10We'll see about that.
08:16Little help?
08:18After all that time covering a blowhard phony like One-Punch Mulligan,
08:22I knew I was finally looking at a real hero.
08:25And that I had to write a story.
08:27But I forgot one thing.
08:28One-Punch might not be the sharpest pencil in the box, but let me tell you,
08:31he is plenty stubborn.
08:33Ah, Tarzan!
08:35Mr. Mulligan here wants to have a word with you.
08:38Wrong, Pops. I don't want to talk to him.
08:40I want to clobber him!
08:42Haven't we gone over this?
08:44Let me make it real clear for you.
08:46None of you is leaving here until I get my rematch!
08:54I gotta tell you, I didn't know what would happen.
08:56That One-Punch tag is no joke.
08:58The big lug really packs a wallop.
09:00There's nowhere to run now, monkey boy.
09:02Not very sporting of Tarzan to refuse the man a rematch.
09:06Daddy, there was never a match in the first place.
09:09Mr. Mulligan, perhaps you could give a solo exhibition of your pugilistic prowess.
09:14No can do, Pops. Takes two to tangle, and it's time to dance.
09:18Easy there, champ.
09:20I told you, there's no need to fight this chump until there's a paycheck in it for you.
09:25So wait, will ya?
09:27Nothin' doin', Joey. He sucker-punched me.
09:29I need payback.
09:31Mr. Mulligan, Tarzan has made his intentions quite clear.
09:35Now if it's a fight that you want, you'll have to look elsewhere.
09:37Step aside, doll. I don't want to hit a lady.
09:40Jane, please. I don't want you getting hurt.
09:43Ah, didn't you hear? You won't hit me. I'm a lady.
09:47Look at that. The big baby's hiding behind Mommy.
09:50Ah, forget about it, one-punch. He'll fight ya.
09:53But on your terms.
09:55On mutually agreeable terms. Say, a 25-75 split?
09:5915-85, and it's only because I got a good feeling about you.
10:02This ain't over, monkey boy. You can't hide behind Mommy's skirt forever.
10:06Jane, about Mulligan.
10:13I was only trying to help. I hope you're not angry.
10:16Of course not. But maybe I should fight. I know I would beat him.
10:20Oh, I'm sure you would. But then what?
10:23He'll only become more angry, and if word gets out that you beat this famous boxer,
10:27other men will come looking for a fight.
10:29I'm afraid that fighting never solved anything, Tarzan.
10:32In the jungle, showing weakness can be deadly.
10:35And in the world of men, choosing not to fight can be an act of great strength.
10:39But he wants to fight.
10:41The important thing is what you want.
10:45Right-o. Time to begin your formal training, Tarzan.
10:49Training?
10:50Yes, of course. Your introduction to the art of pugilism, a.k.a. boxing.
10:56Tarzan, you may do fine when battling such pedestrian foes as rampaging rhinos or slithering cobras,
11:03but believe me, my boy, a boxer of one-punch Mulligan's caliber will finish you with, well, one punch.
11:11Professor, I don't need training.
11:13You most certainly do.
11:16But it'll be more than your ego that'll be bruised if you catch my meaning.
11:20Now, Mr. Mulligan is what we in the boxing world call a southpaw. This means that...
11:25Professor, I don't need training because I'm not going to fight one punch.
11:29You're not?
11:31No, I'm not.
11:34Tarzan, this wouldn't be James doing, would it?
11:37I have to ask, who wears the trousers in this house?
11:41Um, no one.
11:43Oh, oh, yes, yes. Quite right. Loincloth and all. Very good.
11:48Tarzan may have been happy as a clam, but not one punch.
11:52The more one punch thought about Tarzan, the uglier his mood got.
11:55Where does this guy get off, sneaking up on me like some kind of thief in the night?
12:00I tell you what, champ. We'll do a little hunting.
12:03Max will write up a nicey-nice story about how brave you are, and we'll go on home.
12:07What do you say, huh?
12:08I advise you to hunt elsewhere.
12:10Tarzan is quite determined not to allow any animals to be shocked in his jungle.
12:17The next morning, something funny happened.
12:20One punch suddenly got interested in hunting.
12:22He hadn't been near a gun the whole trip.
12:24Come on, let's go already!
12:26So, one punch, what gives?
12:30You got your camera?
12:32Joey, come on, move it!
12:35This better be good. I need my beauty rest.
12:39Let's get this show on the road.
12:42One punch clearly had some kind of plan in what passes for his mind.
12:46It took me a little bit to figure it out.
12:48Hey, how about a break, huh, champ?
12:50Coming up.
12:53I don't get it. You're not going to bag anything that way?
12:57Unless he's not hunting for animals.
12:59What do you mean?
13:00I think one punch has a different kind of prey in mind.
13:03You're a bright boy there, Max.
13:05Wait a minute, you're not telling me this is still about Tarzan, are you?
13:09I got a score to settle with that mug.
13:12One punch, how many times do we got to go over this?
13:17I know you're out there, Tarzan.
13:20If you want this little piggy to make it, you better show yourself and fight.
13:24Oh, threatening a baby pig.
13:26Gee, how do you think I should write this part of the story, one punch?
13:29Ah, you'll figure out something, Max. You've got a way with words.
13:32Uh, one punch.
13:34Put the pig down.
13:37Don't stop with me, Joey.
13:39I gotta do what I gotta do. Tarzan!
13:44Look, I'm a city boy born and raised, so I don't know much about the jungle.
13:47But this much was clear.
13:49Being surrounded by grunting wild boars was not the positive development.
13:58What do we do now?
14:00Maybe if you offer them enough cash, they'll go away.
14:03You two guys afraid of a bunch of pigs?
14:06Goodbye, man. This is the end of the story.
14:09You two guys afraid of a bunch of pigs?
14:11Goodbye, man.
14:13This little piggy went to market.
14:15This little piggy ate the roast beef.
14:18Oh, yes? That little piggy has razor-sharp tusks and doesn't look at all happy to see us.
14:22Do something, champ.
14:24Enough yakking. I'll take care of it.
14:33Hey, hey, hey, hey, what about us, you big coward?
14:36Those pigs are worth a fortune, Joey. I gotta protect them.
14:39At that moment, I wouldn't have given a plug nickel for our chances.
14:42But then...
14:49With a hoop and a holler, Tarzan dropped in.
14:52And everything changed.
14:56Sure, I've seen plenty of men wearing gloves fight each other in a boxing ring.
14:59But that doesn't hold a candle to watching Tarzan face down a pack of wild animals.
15:06Whoa!
15:36Whoa!
16:06Shit!
16:37Ah!
16:47Huh?
16:50Ah!
17:02Ah!
17:03Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!
17:05Ah!
17:06Ah!
17:19What a performance!
17:21You okay, Joey?
17:22Hey, I got a little something extra here to say, um, thanks.
17:26Here, buy something nice for the little lady.
17:29Ah!
17:30Ah!
17:31Ah, zip away!
17:32Ah!
17:33Ah, leave me alone!
17:35Ah!
17:36Ah, ah, ah, ah!
17:41All right, monkey boy.
17:43Time to settle this thing man-to-man.
17:45Well, one thing you gotta say for the guy, he doesn't quit easily.
17:48Unless, of course, you count those pigs.
17:50One punch, drop it already.
17:52The question of which one of you is chicken's been answered.
17:55He still owes me a fight.
18:01Ah!
18:04Ah!
18:05I owe you nothing.
18:07Ah!
18:08Knock it off! Let me go!
18:10And that is how the clash between Tarzan and One-Punch Mulligan ended.
18:14Without ever having begun.
18:16But I rediscovered something important.
18:18That a story doesn't need a fight in it to be good.
18:20Here in the jungle, creatures can rest easy,
18:22knowing they're under the watchful eye of a true champion.
18:25Tarzan, lord of the jungle.
18:27Well, uh, what do you think?
18:29It's a rip-roaring tale, Mr. Liebling, particularly well told.
18:33Which makes what I'm about to ask you all the more difficult.
18:36Please, don't print it.
18:38Say, are you daffy?
18:39This story will sell papers around the world.
18:41Yes, undoubtedly.
18:43And many readers will come looking for such an extraordinary man.
18:47Some, no doubt, to pick their own fight.
18:50Oh, but this is some of the best material I've ever done.
18:52Meeting Tarzan has changed my whole attitude towards writing.
18:55Then don't you owe it to him not to publish it?
18:59Okay, sure.
19:01Well, I guess there's a whole world full of stories out there
19:03just waiting for a guy like me.
19:06So, Maxie baby, you'll write this whole thing up,
19:09make me look real good, right?
19:11Wrong. I'm through, One Punch.
19:13Your fans can find out what you're really like.
19:15Hey, that's not fair.
19:17Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing, Max?
19:19I'm not paying you to upset the big guy.
19:21Oh, yeah? You're not paying me at all.
19:23I quit.
19:26I'm sick and tired of this place.
19:29You just better stay out of New York City, monkey boy.
19:32Stay out of New York, and Brooklyn, and Chicago, and any city.
19:35Because if I run into you on the streets,
19:37things are gonna go real different, you hear me?
19:48I didn't mean it.
19:50Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
19:52Yeah.
19:54Champ versus chimp.
19:56Fabulous.
19:58Now, as a Turks exclusive representative,
20:01we would, of course, accept no less than half the gate.
20:03Half? It's a monkey for crying out loud.
20:06I'll give you 2% and a bunch of bananas.
20:08She said 8. 40%.
20:10Nothing doing. 5%, not a penny more.
20:1230 or no deal.
20:1410 or we won't.