NEW - Sister Wives - Season 19 Episode 4 - How the Mighty Have Fallen - Part 3
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00:00Okay, okay, usually after I have a date, I don't like, you know, say anything or anything
00:10like that, but I just had a date with this guy, David.
00:15We've been talking for like a month.
00:17I signed up for a dating website that is for people with kids.
00:23It's crazy.
00:24I'm so excited.
00:25The first time that I got on, I met David because pictures were beautiful.
00:29It was him with these eyes.
00:31Pictures do not do him justice.
00:33His eyes were beautiful and I told him, oh my gosh, we're walking into the restaurant
00:37and I go, I just have to tell you, I think your eyes are beautiful.
00:40Just like that.
00:41And so we met up at a breakfast place and we sat down at a table and he's like, this
00:46is kind of far away.
00:47Let's get closer to each other.
00:48I'm like, okay.
00:49So we scooted our chairs closer to each other and we just started talking about everything.
00:55Anyway, it went so great.
00:59At this point, I'm still just not interested in dating.
01:02I was married to Cody for 30 years and Cody is a complicated person.
01:07There's a lot of like what Robin used to call the rollercoaster ride and I don't want to
01:11do that anymore.
01:12I just want to be me and do me and like pursue my own, pursue my own things.
01:19You know, at this point I can go to bed when I want, I can get up when I want, I can do
01:23what I want, I can travel where I want.
01:25Oh, I love it.
01:27It's just fun.
01:30It's easy and it's fun and it's exciting because I can do what I want to do.
01:34But anyway, we just had this date and he's a man.
01:39He's not a guy.
01:40He's not a dude.
01:41He's a man.
01:42He has eight kids.
01:43So he goes, how many kids do you have?
01:45And I'm like six.
01:48And it killed me to just tell him I had six kids only.
01:51We've already planned our second date.
01:52I'm just telling you that straight up.
01:54It's everything I've been looking for.
01:55I'm just saying.
01:56I'm putting it all on the line on a second date.
01:58But if I can't say who I am, I live plaguing me.
02:02That's part of, like a really big part of me.
02:05And Janelle's kids and my kids all together, I claim Janelle's kids as my kids.
02:09And I'm going to do things with Janelle for the rest of my life.
02:11And he probably needs to know that.
02:14Just saying.
02:21I don't want to judge Cody, but at the same time, I feel like you just have to let your
02:28kids know you're there.
02:30If I were him, I would be calling, emailing, texting, maybe showing up, flying out there.
02:39You know, whatever.
02:40Every one of those kids who has shut me out is blaming me for what happened or you.
02:47So what I do just say, oh, okay, you can call Robin, whatever you want.
02:51You can say they can talk to me.
02:54I would love to work it out with each of them, any of them that have an issue.
02:58Where this hate for Robin came from, I don't know.
03:01But it's like, if I can't protect her from it, I'm just not going to engage it.
03:05She never did anything to you.
03:07What are you complaining about?
03:08I just loved her and I didn't love your mother, okay?
03:11So there's the guilt.
03:12The guilt lies there.
03:14I'm just having a hard time with this.
03:16And I don't want to pile on.
03:18I know you're going through a lot.
03:20I know that you're going through a lot.
03:22I see you struggling.
03:25I see you angry.
03:27And I'm dealing with my own grief about it.
03:32It's just, I need to get this because I just...
03:39Robin, I'll make the effort.
03:41Okay, so I've spent a year here just lamenting the situation.
03:47When I get over that, those children who are open to me will get my attention.
03:51Well, don't you think you could do a little bit of communication?
03:59At the wedding?
04:00Just to let them know it's open?
04:01I tried to connect with Madison.
04:03Have you been trying to communicate with them?
04:05Gabriel, yes, I have.
04:08Any of the other kids?
04:09Hunter, but I'm received with total contempt.
04:12I'm sitting here with a broken heart over these people who have shut me out, that aren't
04:18talking to me.
04:19You want to ask the question, what did I do to deserve this?
04:22Like, what did I do wrong?
04:24Divorce is hard on kids.
04:26Separation is hard.
04:27Yeah, but it's a total betrayal.
04:28It's not about the divorce.
04:29I'm not even talking about their mothers.
04:31I know, but they just, they're getting caught in it.
04:35They're getting fed information that is not true or is one-sided.
04:39Well, then they can be mad at their mothers 10 years from now when they want a relationship
04:43with you.
04:44They need you in their life.
04:45They can have me.
04:46All they have to do is pick up the phone and call.
04:50All they have to do is answer when I call without having total contempt for me.
04:57This argument, this disparity in relationship with my children is specifically, in my mind,
05:07because of talk.
05:08There's this whirlwind of disappointment from the family breaking up or whatever.
05:14And it's like, well, blame dad.
05:16Dad screwed up.
05:18Right.
05:19I did screw up.
05:21I gave up.
05:24I gave up on love because it wasn't enough love.
05:26And I'm pretty sure they're going to say that's dad's fault.
05:31And well, you can blame me and I'm fine.
05:35Just don't bring contempt to our conversation.
05:40I am so angry that when somebody opens up to me, I'm likely to lash out.
05:45I can't.
05:46Robin, I can't even get it straight with you right now.
05:49This takes some time.
05:50I've got to get over what has happened and how I've been treated.
05:55You need to figure it out because it's hard on us.
05:57Listen, when the time is right, I'll finally feel forgiving.
06:01I think.
06:02I hope.
06:03But it doesn't take anything for me to just get forgiving and then to have one of these.
06:08Not even like getting on your knees and asking God for help or?
06:12Well, yeah, I'm pretty desperate.
06:15Because I know that.
06:16But it takes more than just that.
06:18It's going to take a change of heart with me.
06:21It's all so complicated that I can't make sense of it.
06:25And when I go to God, there's still a wall for me.
06:30I've completely lost my religion, which is sad.
06:35We're sisters.
06:36Sisters from the same mister.
06:38She's a sister from the same mister.
06:41And he's a brother from another mother.
06:43I feel like Cody was a very present dad in a lot of ways.
06:50To truth be told, that was what made me fall in love with Cody.
06:54Seeing him be present with his kids.
06:57Does everybody remember Robin?
06:59Yes.
07:00Do you guys like Robin?
07:01Yeah.
07:02Well, Robin likes us.
07:05But he's so hurt by some of the children's rejection and anger.
07:10Because he's just like, wait a minute, I was there for you.
07:13Why is your rejection of me is so drastic?
07:16It doesn't fit what has happened.
07:18You know anybody who's gone through three divorces?
07:21No.
07:22Like really kind of almost one or two years.
07:25Like, Cody, I know.
07:27I'm not looking for your pity.
07:29I'm looking for understanding, Robin.
07:31I am.
07:32I am, don't you?
07:33But you're losing respect for me.
07:35Because it just.
07:37Is that from your own experience with your father?
07:40I mean, I have not betrayed these kids.
07:44I just know how much.
07:46I need my dad.
07:49My biological father still, like, my whole life
07:53was very absent.
07:55Did not fight for the relationship.
07:57Did not care to have one.
08:02Still doesn't really care to have one.
08:04I'll see him now and then.
08:05He'll tell me how much he loves me.
08:07But he's very absent.
08:11The kids who are mad at me get together.
08:15And they're all colluding.
08:17Not all.
08:18But they're colluding against me.
08:21OK.
08:21It's a betrayal at days where I want to talk about it.
08:24Listen, they're hurting.
08:27Their whole family is in pieces.
08:31They don't know how it's going to turn out.
08:33That's got to be hard for them.
08:37Don't you see that?
08:40I know.
08:40I see that.
08:42And I can be forgiving of it completely, Robin.
08:44It's tough in separations and divorces.
08:47People drag their kids into it.
08:50It's hard.
08:51It's complicated.
08:53Roman kids get very mixed up in their head.
08:56What do you want me to do?
08:57I've reached out to her.
08:59I don't want to judge Cody.
09:01But at the same time, I feel like I don't think
09:07Cody should be accepting it.
09:09I think that Cody should be camping out on their doorsteps
09:12and saying, hey, you're going to talk to me.
09:15Because sometimes that's just what you've got to do,
09:18is when you care about someone, is just say,
09:21hey, you need to talk to me.
09:23Cody, honey, yes, your kids need you.
09:29They need you in their life.
09:42Cody, honey, yes, your kids need you.
09:48They need you in their life.
09:51I know they're angry right now, but they need you.
09:53Can I just have some time, then?
09:56Can you give me enough space with this
10:00without losing respect for me?
10:03Yeah.
10:04Yeah, I will.
10:06Yeah.
10:06Let's just understand, it boggles my mind
10:10that I am being punished for a crime I never committed.
10:13Well, they don't understand that.
10:15They think I did something?
10:16Yes.
10:17What would they think I did?
10:18Didn't love their mother?
10:20Anything that they've been told, OK?
10:23There was a lot of misunderstandings through COVID.
10:26Some of them thought that you wanted to be here
10:28instead of with them, and that's why you made the rules, which
10:31is ridiculous.
10:33During COVID, there's two huge mistakes I probably made.
10:36I wanted the boys to move out because they couldn't
10:39comply to the COVID rules.
10:41That just became sort of a foolish power game.
10:46And one of those mistakes was also not going
10:49to Isabel's surgery, and that put some bad blood
10:55between a bunch of us.
10:58In plural marriage, it's tough.
11:02It can get confusing for wives and kids
11:05when it comes to the husband and the father,
11:08and they can think someone is more important
11:10or someone is more loved.
11:12And I know you love all your kids.
11:14With plural marriage, it's very difficult for a dad
11:18to get one-on-one time with kids.
11:21He has to be really, really present,
11:22but then at the same time, it's still difficult
11:25just because of math, just because time.
11:28It's very natural for kids to kind of become
11:31closer to their mother.
11:33Just last week while I was skiing, I was up there.
11:35It was nice and sunny, and I texted Gabriel.
11:38Yeah?
11:39I just thought, I just need, so I reached out to him.
11:45Nothing yet.
11:46Keep trying, OK?
11:48I'm glad to hear you are trying.
11:50I don't try enough.
11:51I know that.
11:53That's because it's not safe to go there,
11:55and I'm triggering like crazy.
11:57I know you're going through.
11:58I don't want to trigger while I'm
12:00in a conversation with them.
12:02I'm so angry about what has happened
12:04that if I talk to my kids, I'm worried that they'll
12:07trigger me with an accusation.
12:10Really, I'll be honest with you.
12:12I don't have the bandwidth yet to go to God in gratitude
12:18and try and fill my love tank with the spirit of God.
12:21I'm just bitter right now.
12:23OK, I'm not going to argue with you anymore.
12:25I'm too hot-headed right now, Robert.
12:27All I'll do is more damage.
12:28OK, I just want to know you're trying, OK?
12:31OK.
12:31Because this needs, these relationships
12:35do need to get mended.
12:36You know what, Robert?
12:38We've had such a struggle with this.
12:40I'd almost rather just take some time
12:42to get in a better place with you and me,
12:44because I've been in this place for a very, very long time,
12:47and it's hurt us more than it's hurt them.
12:53Thank you for saying that.
12:54I appreciate that.
12:55It's good to hear.
12:56Well, I'm mad as hell, and I'm not
12:58meaning for it to come out on you.
13:01My heart is broken.
13:02I'm sitting here with the person that I
13:04love the most in the world, and my heart's still broken.
13:08What do I do with that?
13:10My heart's broken, too.
13:13You react with this very special and sweet emotion that you have.
13:16I am angry.
13:19I'm angry out of my mind.
13:22The kids are, they are always the collateral damage
13:26when this happens.
13:28But I'm not trying to damage them.
13:29No, but just keep trying.
13:31That's all I'm asking, OK?
13:34I've had one of my kids just said, you're an asshole.
13:38I'm never talking to you again.
13:40You manipulated me, and you brainwashed me.
13:43Some people think that parental child relationships
13:48don't have to be reciprocal, but when they're adults,
13:50yeah, they do.
13:52I'm not going to reach out forever.
13:54I'm willing to make the effort, but somebody else
13:57is going to have to be on the other end of that
14:01and make some effort, too.
14:03I'm not going to camp out on somebody's doorstep.
14:05I really need a space to do it.
14:07I'm not fixing this today, tomorrow, or next week.
14:11OK.
14:11And with the kids who are reaching out to me
14:14and who are listening to me.
14:15Just promise me you'll keep trying at least a little bit
14:18until you're ready.
14:20Promise?
14:23OK, a little bit.
14:25Just enough, a little bit, to let them know that you still
14:28care, please?
14:30OK.
14:32They need you when you need them.
14:38Thanks for coming down and talking to me
14:41before I went back in the house.
14:42I didn't want to go back to where we were.
14:46I know those kids need their dad.
14:49They need him.
14:52They need him to try harder.
14:57It's his role.
14:58He's dad.
15:00I don't think he realizes how important that is.
15:03He just doesn't grasp how important a dad is to a child.
15:15Next time on Sister Wives.
15:17OK, so David and I have gone out twice now.
15:20God, he's just solid, and he's real.
15:22I really like him a lot.
15:23Just saying.
15:25I think that Robin definitely has a victim complex.
15:30There's a lot of anger towards Robin, you know what I mean?
15:32They're leery of Robin.
15:34But I'm not hopeful for a relationship
15:37with dad and Robin.
15:44For me now, my prayer was just like, save me and Robin.
15:49Save our marriage.
15:50Save us.
15:51Save the special after this.